Without a Paddle (2004) Soundboard Edit

A blizzard. You couldn't see anything.

All right, I'm on. Go. Go.

And I've decided that my life's worth living. Now, you have to decide

And stick to my mouth and nose and I'll... I'll suffocate

And stuff them and mount them on my mantelpiece.

And that is...

And that should lead us to the top of Hellfire Ridge.

And the bodies that are attached to them are dead too!

And then I'd like to hear this story.

And they beat that little one until he was limp.

Are you kidding me?

Bacon.

Because I bet you 100 grand that you couldn't catch a salmon

Besides, Tom, you got bills to pay. You got a new life to start.

Billy's dead and he's still got a better chance of getting laid than I do.

Boll weevil.

But it's half the fun.

Bye, Billy!

Can I use this, please?

Can we please use the radio?

Can't this thing go any faster?

Cheers.

Come on, Dano!

Come on, Elwood.

Come on, let's go. Get on, get on. Move, baby, move. Come on, Jer.

Completely screwed?

Cut them off at the river.

Damn it, Elwood

Damn it! I can't see nothing through this smoke!

Damn it. It's all burnt. I knew it, Dennis. It's all burnt. Every bit.

Dancing to the rhythm of the thunder,

Denise.

Did I kill your grandma?

Do you have any paper?

Do you hear that? I'm not scared of you, you Neanderthal dicks!

Do you really wanna make me cry?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Duke II.

Dy no mite.

Filthy hippie! Shoot her again.

Fine.

For a celebration of a specific event.

For Billy, Dano.

For real, though?

Fort Cooper. Can you believe it?

Get away from my tree!

Get out!

Get up. You gotta move your legs. Move your legs.

Get you right off this mountain.

Go to it, Elwood.

God, it must've been so hard to breathe

Good one, Jerry. You're awesome!

Grandpa's Nose.

He bowed the heavens also and came down. And darkness was...

He was para surfing down in Costa Rica.

He's gonna do great things.

Hey, that's my phone. She ate my phone.

Hi. Is everything all right?

Hold on a sec. Tom?

Hold on, Dano.

Hour, hour and a half, tops

How hot were those chicks in the tree?

How you like me now?

I am Dr. Mott now!

I can't wait to see you.

I don't know, he must've put it back.

I don't think that's helping.

I have a dental plan that allows me to keep all my teeth, unlike yourself.

I have a wonderful idea.

I have responsibilities!

I hope I don't fall through the floor of this thing.

I just don't wanna lose all my stuff. I lost my legs...

I know a shortcut around Devil's Staircase.

I love dip.

I mean, he had his own things going on.

I mean, it pretty much sums it up.

I must be crazy.

I spent 30 years waiting to have a life.

I stand corrected.

I tell you what's not ancient history, though.

I think I see it! It's right there.

I wanna shoot the little redhead one right there.

I was an old man.

I was thinking about the bar in town.

I'll be waiting.

I'll give them something to laugh about.

I'll take a small piece Of some of that funky stuff

I'm Dr. Mott!

I'm gonna stitch it up good

I'm not the one that's going to drown.

I'm pretending I'm on a speeder bike so I can block out reality.

I've been in that box a very long time.

I've got the love of a good woman.

I've Had Sex With Tom.

If D.B. was supposed to land 3 degrees northwest of Devil's Ridge,

If you're gonna **** somebody, **** Dano.

In that thing. Look at how deep it is.

Including my very expensive cell phone.

Is this Billy's funeral?

It just grazed you. You're really lucky

It tastes like watermelon. It's very filling and it preserves well for camping.

It would've come off as directly west.

It's a bear! We're all gonna die!

It's even got a personalized ring.

It's gonna blow!

It's like my old man used to say, Family curse

It's throwing off the magnet

Jesus, Hank. We were scared you was never gonna come.

Just like Billy did.

Just living in the moment.

Keep moving.

Let go of me!

Let's get him like this and slide him in

Let's get them!

Let's just try and get some sleep.

Listen...

Look at this.

Lose the cleaver

Lost somewhere, and we gotta track them.

Lovers never ask you why

Lovers never ask you...

Maybe you wanna hire a bartender to come on the trip with us.

Mighty Oak could go for some nurturing

Morning

No, but this water is teeming with microbes.

No, they're trapped like rats.

No! You guys, no! Hey.

No. No way

Not a good time to read a map, Jer.

Of some kind of unexpected man ****.

Oh, Billy.

Oh, wait, Jerry, you should use my new cell phone.

Oh, we hate you too, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

One last thing.

One minute you mock my sweaty ball sack,

One question.

Please don't tell me that!

Precious kisses, words that burn me

Profits? They work for me, ass wipe.

Race you to the top!

Radio?

Realize what you had

Run!

Send those boys down, pretty little birdies.

Seriously, though, you guys both sound

Shoot them

So the funeral's this weekend. It's... It's in Oregon.

So then I started betting football and baseball

So this is Spirit River. We take that to Widowmaker Bend.

Stay... Stay down. Don't make eye contact.

Sure thing, Slug

Thank you.

That is it!

That railroad bridge into Cedar Lake? That was higher than this.

The boys together, the open road. Good tunes, good times.

The first time in months, no worries, no responsibilities.

The great outdoors!

The hell was that?

The last couple days, getting chased by ass face and dick chin there.

The men accidentally helped break up one of the biggest drug rings

The next thing you know, I won't have a license anymore.

The rain,

The whole damn field is burnt. But we got a bigger problem, Elwood!

There you go. Hey, would one of you guys grab my...? Phone. My..

They are probably dancing naked right now.

They got laser scopes. They had you pinned.

This is him.

This isn't what it looks like.

This way.

Thought so.

Tom, guide us to the bank.

Tom!

Tom...

Tom's here.

Tommy, you see a road?

Trump

Use your tippy toes. There you go.

Was free falling over a 100 foot waterfall.

We did it, man!

We should get out of here.

We were searching for D.B. And, yes, we're naked,

We'll climb the tree, get a good look at the land, maybe we'll see a road

We're gonna climb the tree

We're not... We're not from the logging company

Well, I wouldn't say a lot smarter.

Well, it's still a camping trip, actually, just with less vomiting.

Well, why wouldn't I be? Especially tonight.

What did you do?

What happens in the cave, stays in the cave.

What?

What...? What happened?

Where you going?

Yeah, you are. Listen to yourself. The family curse

Yeah!

Yeah. We haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm

You ain't so tough without a head, huh?

You all right? Hold on.

You and I, we're cut from the same cloth.

You gotta go out and get it.

You gotta relax, Dano. All right?

You guys are hammered! I'm not climbing up a 20 year old rope.

You just sit tight. We're coming to get you.

You know, Tom, I'm sorry she wasn't up to your high standard of women.

You make a couple mistakes up there, you're gone.

You think they're still following us?

You think we got enough booze, Tom?

You too.

You..

You're gonna spend the next 40 years in the can getting manhandled

You're home early, baby.

You're right.

And you will get lost. Yeah, I will get lost.

Build this yourself? Open the door.

Case closed. Let's shoot them.

Come on. All right.

Dan! I'm coming! Can you see me?

Do this to him. Put the pin back in the grenade.

Do you see anything? Hey, guys!

Don't tell me that! I'm in over my head!

Follow my lead! Terrible!

Get off my tree! Shoot her.

Go, go, go! That bear loves you, Dano!

Good afternoon, ladies. Nice looking tree.

Guns and fish heads... It's okay, Dano, relax.

Hey, look, a deer! It's cool.

Hey. Yeah?

I can't believe they survived that fall. Dennis, they're getting away.

I'm gonna get hypothermia! Come on!

I'm in over my head! What?!

It crawled straight in my stomach. Let's go.

Just follow my lead. What are you gonna do?

Let's find the nearest hospital. Stay at The Ritz. This is great.

Let's go through there. Where? There's no door.

Let's go. Go, go, go!

Let's ride! Come on, baby!

like you're doing great. Aren't you?

Never found. Yeah, we were gonna sneak away,

Now? Now.

Oh, my God. How small is that door?

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh, shit? What oh, shit? What? What, what?

Okay. Stop it!

Right. Get them, Elwood.

Right. You poor boys

See how I popped off that fish head? What is it?

Stockings? Leg warmers?

Stop pretending. Dan, you have to eat it.

Thank you, sheriff. See you, Ray Bans.

Thanks. You're welcome.

That was quite a run you gave us. You ain't running nowhere now.

That's big. Brown trout?

The game's up. Hold on, Dennis.

They're gonna kill Earth Child. No!

To our dead friend. Get them up.

Tom! Tommy! Tom!

Tom? Yes?

Usually it's too late when you Do you know the words?

We found him. That's him.

We'll shine them. That would kill a fish.

What the hell...? Oh, my gosh

Yeah? I learned a little something

You can only run so far! And you can never hide!

You do? Just call me when you get a chance.

You know, you lie a lot. I know

You think they're cooking food? I hope so. I am starving.