Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015) - Season 3 Edit

A A woman you bought a funky lamp from on craigslist?

A "community liaison" who'll just happen to be

A a horrible gobbling sound.

A Big Naturals here in East Dogmouth.

A bird pool.

A bladder? Please

A bunch of late '90s car alarms?

A bunker? That's weird. For what?

A carton of red Pixy Stix.

A cup of sugar,

A divorce so he can get remarried

A documentary about Frank Lloyd Wright's brilliant but troubled life?

A family name or...

A farmers market, dog park,

A faucet, perhaps.

A fortune teller told me she was going to kill me

A generous donation from the Snyder Foundation

A girl getting a gentleman's C?

A guy with a monogrammed stapler,

A handful of loose tuna?

A heist.

A jukebox, DJ equipment, a bunker...

A Lakota what?

A lie intended to harm America."

A little?

A lot of people get upset when I lay my truth on them,

A magazine I brought for those lonely nights at sea.

A male Kimmy wouldn't be treated this way.

A man flipped cereal at you?

A mistake that I turned into a "shopportunity

A National Merit Finalist.

A penguin before it goes in a blender.

A penguin with teeth!

A positive bunkering experience.

A rabbit's work is never done.

A robot can't do what you did today.

A Roy Rogers fixings bar in here!

A safe place.

A salad.

A Sex Yuko still in the box?

A SodaStream?

A star.

A statement by the Department of Homeland Security says, in part,

A statement by the Department of Homeland Security says, in part,

A sweet nerd who shows up whenever he isn't wanted.

A Thai fruit with five times the nutrients of a banana.

A three way with a puppet... you're welcome...

A trip? Well, sure.

A troop of bonobos is led by a veritable gynocracy.

A truck is coming right at you.

A Turkey Dinner.

A Vidalia onion is not an apple.

A wet baby corn is a singer's best friend.

A wire bound Birney heritage trolley

A woman crashed her car into the mayor's house this morning.

A woman president.

A woman.

A word of advice:

A year.

A, be the boss of cars,

A, moving cars, B, parked cars,

Aah!

About a blind kid who loves his mailman.

About a blind kid who loves his mailman.

About a new kind of onion that was so sweet,

About being good and kind and touching kids' feet with foreskins,

About everything.

About good and evil,

About having a magic bag so he can murder ducks or whatever.

About money and failure,

About that new person.

About the church Ms. Chalker is running out of a compound

About the fact that my boyfriend is also out of town.

About women's chunky Charlies with a crazy man

About you.

About your crossing guard program.

About your new high ass tenor, Titus.

Absolutely not.

Accepting the Snyder Foundation's matching funds

Accounts retrievable?

Aces! How's tonight? 'Cause I'm in your hallway!

Actually, it's for you from Andy Cohen at... Bravó!

Actually, Ms. Kaushtupper,

Actually, Russ got back this afternoon.

Actually, the doctors took this out of him.

Admit there's no storm, Drench Thunderman.

Advocating false imprisonment.

After busting my ass here for two years, I qualified for a scholarship.

After family members, concerned

After Gary left, I dated a lot of guys

After I sign these papers, I don't want to hear

After luring me into a Volkswagen dealership.

After meeting me, they all said they'd pray for me.

After one of those women threw a Skinnygirl hot toddy on his crotch.

After some psycho was done with it,

After Sophie Tylenol.

After that night, I never saw 15 year old Eric Trump again.

After that, it was up to me to take care of the family.

After the last date, you were like,

After the movie, he suggested walking,

After the park closed.

After the trial, he was juggling about a dozen erotic pen pals.

After voting unanimously to support Big Naturals.

After you buy something,

After you settled down and had a family.

Against a new Big Naturals superstore in East Dogmouth.

Against animal poachers and slum lords

Ah ooga!

Ah, big time!

Ah, Bob's your uncle!

Ah, call me Paulie.

Ah, damn it all to hell.

Ah, done!

Ah, I did it.

Ah, I'm sorry. I'm swamped.

Ah, look, I didn't want to worry you,

Ah, so you see,

Ah, the definitive Rosie O'Donnell cast recording of Grease.

Ah, this neighborhood's just a basket of deplorables.

Ah, was that so hard?

Ah, you're in for it now, Goodman.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! I am your downstairs neighbor,

Ah! Look at me!

Ah! Real girl!

Ah! Titus.

Ah.

Ah. Uh, I accidentally opened Adobe.

Aha! I don't wear perfume.

Ain't no way Morgan Fairchild is shopping there.

Alcohol tastes good. I like it.

All day long, he biddy biddy bums.

All I got is Trouble!

All I have is now.

All I wanted was to help people,

All in one guy, like some kind of sexy Swiss Army knife.

All may, none must.

All my life, progress has been a lie.

All my things are in there. Where are my bags?

All night long. Jealous?

All nine shows, and I was amazing!

All of it.

All of them.

All of this is for you, Mikey.

All of you.

All over each other.

All right, come on!

All right, I'll tell you what.

All right, let's eat.

All right, now, this next one is called

All right, phone, you think you know everything?

All right, Russ, obviously, you want to marry her.

All right, show me what you got, Yuko.

All right, then, I guess this is goodbye forever.

All right, Titus, you good to go?

All right, Titus, you got us.

All right, where the hell is it?

All right, Xan, I'll do it.

All right!

All right! Cards on the table, broseph,

All right.

All right. He gets half.

All the art is meant to be touched.

All the jobs are on here, from architect to Zodiac Killer.

All their organs, then everyone would be dead,

All these years, I blamed a cruel and jealous world

All they have to do is type

All those in favor?

All week,

Allen Ginsberg is dead.

Almost a perfect 100 IQ.

Almost... done.

Already knows everything

Also, as a cast member,

Also, as someone who's made love on a beach,

Also, he is extremely poor.

Also, I did not bring a dog in here.

Also, I got a leak in my apartment.

Also, I understand

Also, I'll have you know, I'm applying to college.

Also, I'm trans ghost.

Also, it wasn't a party.

Also, my name is Cork Rockingham.

Also, the coat is hers.

Also, the dogs don't hide from you.

Also, uh, we're gonna do a screening of Shrek 3

Also, why is one of your shoes a cut open beach ball?

Also, women and other women.

Also, you're weird for naming a baby Linda.

Also, your skin looks amazing today

Although I did sit on one once for Richard Branson.

Although it's not the first time you've surprised me, now, is it?

Although..

Always looking over your shoulder with that big ol' pumpkin head of yours.

Am I being racist, or have we met?

Am I being selfish by not giving the other four pairs

Am I dreaming?

Am I still Jacqueline?

Amana amana amana! Boi oi oi oi oing!

Amen!

Amen!

Amen!

Amen.

Amen. Amen.

America is angry...

Americans don't kneel.

An audiotape of commercials I use as a shopping list.

An evening in Manhattan with my lover's wife.

An homage to Madonna's iconic Philip Treacy headdress?

An inmate bit me, and he locked on.

An ISIS recruitment site,

And 'cause my pill's just kicking in.

And "fixing" it so that real New Yorkers like us

And a bag of chips?

And a Columbia onesie.

And a professor

And a ten foot party hoagie with extra gabbagool.

And a working pocket.

And according to ethical egoism,

And achieving lesbian bed death

And after Meemaw died, I think

And all my pillows are stained with his nightmare sweat.

And all the while, she taunted me!

And also, it took me a while to find the right window.

And also, they stabbed him and made him drink vinegar and laughed at him.

And an Etsy shop, where I put googly eyes on trash.

And anonymous sexual encounters are an important strand

And arsonist.

And as your councilwoman, you can count on me

And be on my way.

And being kind, wise, and mature

And believe me, it's not fun.

And blimp christenings.

And bought a bag of Vidalia onions.

And by the way, I think your idea to rap philosophy is stupid.

And by the way, Lillian, you were wrong about college.

And change the name of your precious Washington Redskins!

And Clue is missing the rope, which is, like, the fourth best weapon.

And commercials for dog stairs.

And congratulations on all your success.

And crossing guards do real good in the real world.

And do I swipe my charge card, or is it this business with the chip?

And do what?

And doing that dance where I have to count out loud.

And don't tell Coach Tannen to come in here to push me around,

And Duke is my type.

And enter East Orange, New Jersey.

And even though I just said "doody," I'm not laughing.

And even with all the extra chances I've given you,

And every day at 4:00 p.m.,

And every storm is different.

And expecting all the pieces to be there.

And from the looks of this place,

And get 'em back to Durnsville by Thursday,

And get ready for me?

And giving them the recipe could earn us some goodwill

And go refill your MetroCard when you "literally can't right now."

And go wherever white folks go to finish stuff.

And Gonzo's Nose for the curved gentleman

And good friends with each other, which is awesome for me.

And gorillas. I can't even go to the zoo anymore.

And great food to millions of Americans

And guess what.

And guess what. She's a man.

And had a lovely time.

And hammer beats worms every time, baby.

And he does not like me.

And he finds out I can't afford a watch.

And he got me a translation app on my phone

And he thinks that it's ridiculous

And he won't be back for another two months.

And he'll be the one representing them at the next owners' meeting.

And he'll love me forever

And he's a damn anthem kneeler.

And he's a professional scientist.

And he's as hot as the sandwich he's named after.

And he's rich

And here?

And here?

And here?

And here?

And his idea of exercise is getting the mail.

And his unquenchable thirst for human poop.

And how I miss that!

And how is Jumpf?

And how it squishes under my tongue when we kiss.

And Hudson University is on TV.

And I almost killed her.

And I always call my dad after.

And I am too.

And I can do anything.

And I can go topless as long as it's violent.

And I can watch a TV show while recording two others.

And I can't even fudging do that.

And I couldn't go to the bathroom there because I was on a date with another man.

And I did steal a coat from the clothing drive.

And I didn't get it till just now.

And I don't care what Titus says,

And I don't care why.

And I don't even know if it worked, but I feel better.

And I don't exist.

And I don't fudging care.

And I don't have to share it if I don't want to.

And I don't know how to do orangutan years,

And I don't love boobs and California.

And I don't want to be reminded of it.

And I don't want to brag,

And I don't want to talk to them.

And I forgive you for that.

And I guess I'll keep doing it one person at a time.

And I hate not being in control of my life.

And I have something

And I have to see her and all the others like her every day.

And I haven't been touched by a man since I left Julian.

And I headed for a lifeboat.

And I hear someone say,

And I just need to add the diesel... crust.

And I know he's trying to get me into bed.

And I know I'm getting in my own way like always

And I know why you did it.

And I lived in an underground tube.

And I love children!

And I loved it!

And I need someone with experience in psychosexual drama,

And I once rode a ski lift with the Property Brothers.

And I really beefed it.

And I run the Easter clothing drive.

And I say, "Buy me, uh, dinner first."

And I simply had to invite the new arrival

And I think stealing is evil.

And I think the way to do that is through music.

And I thought you might know someone there who could help me.

And I want this face

And I want to help, but I can't buy you alcohol.

And I want you and Lillian to stay.

And I was imprisoned for 15 years by a lunatic!

And I was like, "No, thanks."

And I was so sure he was the only one for me.

And I will be honoring Bandit with this plaque.

And I will be working with a community liaison...

And I will not fail,

And I will still be a tired gay black man living in a sideways tugboat.

And I would believe her because that sweet dummy,

And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that!

And I would go see him.

And I would run to the airport, all romantic,

And I wouldn't even have any meatloaf first.

And I'd rather be in Montana shooting salmon,

And I'll be damned if this hotsy totsy rich mother

And I'm 100% sex positive.

And I'm dumb enough to take Jacqueline's bags for no reason!

And I'm getting a little tired of the boardroom.

And I'm gonna apply to be a crossing guard right now.

And I'm gonna go down in flames.

And I'm here today because I want to open the newest

And I'm in the middle of a big bike race

And I'm making it worse.

And I'm not gonna let this be a failure,

And I'm not running away.

And I'm not wearing a wire,

And I'm serving duck.

And I'm still getting used to her.

And I'm still not over

And I'm trapped there on top of you?

And I'm your selfish gay friend. Dy no mite!

And I've eaten crow.

And I've got the keys to the treasure chest.

And I've never done drugs in my life.

And if he hadn't set me free to find out,

And if he was just a friend,

And if Jesus was here, he'd be all, "I should've stuck with carpentry!"

And if Jorpf, or whatever he calls himself,

And if my name isn't

And if she's just putting a crust on top,

And if we're meant to be together, then blah, blah, blah.

And if you ever need to borrow

And if you have any questions...

And if you just gave her a chance,

And if you take your glasses off,

And if you want to keep Duke on the hook,

And Iktomi is a Lakota s...

And in a particularly low moment,

And in the end, I trust Lillian to do what's right for this neighborhood.

And is amazing at making choices?

And it always ends with how we got to do this again in five, ten, 100 years,

And it came out great, right?

And it fell out because of stress

And it freaked him out.

And it makes you cry.

And it was brought to my attention that if I get these signed

And it was my responsibility to move the scenery in the dark,

And it was worse than I could have imagined.

And it was your fault for getting kicked out.

And it went amazing, and I didn't eat anyone

And it'll be fun!

And it's 'cause I'm engaged to an incarcerated man

And it's Dick.

And it's got a "customers only" policy now.

And it's not bad if you don't mind the occasional wig hair.

And it's not just a sketch of me.

And it's not your fault the FBI won't come in here

And Kimmy can never know this,

And largest Big Naturals right here in East Dogmouth.

And leaves!

And let me borrow some earrings.

And let the son of a bitch get away with it?

And let's not forget scurvy.

And Life's got no baby pegs.

And Linda is my middle name.

And looking for a dumb excuse to bail?

And make me feel little in your arms.

And maybe that was your plan the whole time...

And me...

And measured our tumbleweed.

And merchandise sales are off.

And Mikey will be putty in your hands.

And mine didn't move at all.

And Miss Dionne only grew more and more belligerent.

And Mommy needs a nap.

And move toward healing.

And my best friend?

And my best son, Duke.

And my calf implants are killing me.

And my Kimmy left,

And my own family.

And my son is clinically a spazzoid.

And never call her again.

And never, ever flossing in the back.

And no one has to go to a bachelor party at an arboretum.

And no one laughed at Trixie Monroe,

And no screens until you finish your drawings of Jeebus and Gorp.

And nobody will care what it's about.

And not a word about my beliefs.

And not having a toilet next to my bed.

And not just to keep your teeth from falling out!

And not the kind that goes on pillows or the brand of ham that Titus buys.

And nothing motivates Americans like outrage.

And nothing.

And nothing's happened.

And nothing's stronger than a bear!

And now he knows where we live.

And now I get to bring good jobs

And now I'd like to put my mouth where your mouth is.

And now I'm lost again.

And now it seems the poor thing is Grey Gardens ing.

And now the family dog is chewing on the connector nubs.

And now we don't ever have to speak again of the Ocean Skank or the lifeboat

And now we finally have all the ages

And now we have to go shopping.

And now we're gonna save the world together.

And now you got to get rid of him

And now you're gonna be on TV,

And now you're gonna flip out because a baby has a totally normal name?

And now, friends, we've come to the time

And now, in the name of me,

And now...

And one gerbil.

And one of 'em has chest implants.

And one time Whitney Houston cousin.

And opened a peanut stand

And ordered all vessels out to sea.

And our public transportation stinks,

And our T shirts have all the wrong Super Bowl winners.

And people thought you were autistic

And people who pretend to be nervous on planes.

And pep talks before trying to put on jeans.

And please don't get me started on the Second Avenue Subway

And poking a son of the biggest real estate developer in New York.

And prepare to be inside for who knows how long.

And pretend I'm cool with it when I'm the opposite

And promises to be as horrible

And proper penmanship is a lost art,

And rearrange his ossa exterior.

And sat on it.

And says stuff like, "Mondays..

And scared.

And she taught me that baby corns are very good for your voice.

And she'd tell me I'm perfect the way I am.

And she's not back, and I hate her.

And sing for him.

And snooping on people's secrets.

And so did the guy I like

And so I'm on the floor,

And so it will starve to death.

And someone else has none, I should give them one of mine.

And stop worrying about it.

And strong

And sure, she's rich...

And take this terrifying career test

And talk about your tragic life or whatever.

And tell me my grandson can't use the Mimeo machine?

And that choir director, Reuben,

And that is the "tooth"!

And that is why we call it "Good Friday."

And that person and I have something in common...

And that scarf and the face?

And that thigh gap?

And that thumb I found

And that was a misunderstanding.

And that was just a bunch of electrical signals

And that you'll be joining us this afternoon

And that young, impressionable girl in the fishing gear...

And that's a spicy meatball, Luigi.

And that's coming from

And that's exactly what Reuben is.

And that's how I'm gonna beat the Internet.

And that's Kimmy.

And that's what I deserve.

And that's when I knew that Jodie Foster was gay,

And that's why we have seasons.

And that's why your family is on their way up here right now.

And the Department of Justice thinks I'm a racist.

And the fat kid's playing a little tiny flute?

And the lead vocals, so I'm gonna play it all back in the cans,

And the left nubbin is smaller than the right one,

And the other half of the country would buy 'em because

And the skinny kid's playing a big ol' tuba

And the weathermen now, they're the worst.

And their money.

And their roles are played by adults.

And then 30 minutes later,

And then afterwards,

And then do you remember what I said right before that?

And then eat them off the floor!

And then I can use this pen

And then I can use this pen

And then I got really interested in philosophy.

And then I would snap out of my Artie funk

And then it's just cheese.

And then just became gun shops.

And then she gets mad, doesn't she?

And then showering alone

And then sign at the bottom.

And then the giggling gives her diarrhea.

And then there's a 12 year gap.

And then watch Beaches Two, colon, She's Still Dead.

And then we're gonna go see Dean Koontz,

And then what did you say, Titus?

And then when I'm president of America,

And then you have it as an adult,

And then you have to

And then you sold out

And then, where's the mystery?

And there are a ton of complaints about your piercings on Yelp.

And there'd just be, like, a pile of organs.

And there's a dog with a badge.

And there's Mara!

And there's more. I'm from South Dakota.

And these bruises. Bumps too.

And they are out of the drug,

And they didn't even pixelate my neck!

And they know it's their fault,

And they loved you. You were the star of the show

And they're being nice to me...

And they're bred to eat homework.

And they're heroes.

And think about it.

And think about me for once.

And this afternoon, Miss Clara and I are helping clothe the poor.

And this is a mini 3 D printer.

And this isn't just because I forgot the accent.

And this mole.

And this never sees the light of day.

And this time for good reasons.

And those are my sisters, Payton and Ditka.

And threw up in my mouth.

And Titus won't register to vote

And to be honest with you,

And to eat at that restaurant where the waiters are ninjas.

And to provide...

And to quote a poster of Bo Jackson

And to sing!

And to the family Jet...

And today, we're gonna go to the NFL owners' meeting

And trying to pull off her wedding ring!

And TV's in yet another golden age.

And unfortunately, you're going to have to leave Columbia

And Unknown Sneaky Fool Found Dead."

And until 2012, I thought "espresso" was pronounced "expreshto."

And used the money to buy a Jet Ski.

And wait, I forget, do boats go to Haiti?

And walked away, like it was nothing.

And wanted to be a crossing guard

And wants to go through my stuff,

And wash all the scum off the streets

And watch sports with him and, like, touch butts and stuff,

And we became roommates.

And we can talk and bond.

And we couldn't find any in our neighborhood, okay?

And we had a whole new concept for the Urethrex campaign.

And we used to get Channel 6, but now we don't.

And we were happy there.

And we will provide a free shuttle bus for any confused perverts

And we'll do some makeup, and we'll straighten that hair.

And we're gonna sing an original song

And we're handsome.

And welcome to the first ever episode of Profiles.

And what a handsome boyfriend he is.

And what are you even doing here, Goodman?

And what happened to our plan?

And what is this?

And what's gonna make this a good bunker is we get to choose who's in here with us.

And what's the new plan? I'm so confused.

And when did I take off my wedding ring?

And when I committed the sin of pridefulness and vanity...

And when it all comes out, the result is just as toxic.

And where's your luggage?

And why did I wear my date night outfit? What's wrong with me?

And why wouldn't you tell me in the truck?

And worst of all...

And yet you taped it to prove we didn't.

And you and Duke

And you can check on your stuff with this wireless security camera.

And you can't stop me from seeing him

And you come in on backup.

And you do it for free?

And you don't need a degree for that.

And you get what you want...

And you have to grade papers by the dome light in your car.

And you intentionally targeted this image of a horse

And you know a lot about watches

And you know how badly I want a star named after me.

And you know the Tooth Fairy won't come to this neighborhood

And you know what they tasted like?

And you know what yuppies eat?

And you must be Kimmy.

And you never had a good job,

And you never had a nice boyfriend,

And you play basketball like John Kruk!

And you played right into my hands,

And you should,

And you two, get in the box!

And you were Lil' Lisa.

And you'll be pleased to know

And you'll be the ones trying to knock a crow out of the air with a rake.

And you're fighting over a bunch of delicious marbles.

And you're giving Steve Harvey my reel.

And you're gonna come running back to me,

And you're kind of in my way.

And you're like, "What's the big deal?"

And you're not allowed to walk?

And you're the dumbest person I've ever met.

And you're the white guy, Kyle Copner.

And you're thinking, "Well, my dead wife would've choked me harder."

And, boy, are my arms tired!

And, God, you two are boring.

And, I guess, everybody.

And, Kimmy, you are not gonna regret this.

And, like, one weird single guy that didn't quite know what he was in for.

And, oh, the whistle blowing!

And, uh, have a nice selection of pastries for him.

And, white passengers, for the last time,

And, yes, we are still in touch.

And...

And... here it comes.

And... Jackée.

And... Oh, no, the chips are gone.

Anger, frustration, despair,

Angry 'cause they're all alone,

Another 75 cents towards retirement.

Answer me this:

Any Chigger

Any luck?

Any other concerns, Councilwoman?

Anyhoo, a few months ago, I was in Durnsville,

Anything else?

Anything he says should be considered

Anything, Xan. Anything.

Anytime I need you, I just call,

Anyway, I don't actually care about Titus.

Anyway, I know it's a shot in the dark, but...

Anyway, there's a continuous flow of blood,

Anyway, this place does a great eel roll.

Apologize again.

Aptly named because she is difficult.

Are burning Redskins jerseys

Are getting margaritas for Karen's birthday.

Are gonna sing "That's What Friends Are For"

Are me, myself, and I.

Are the OG rap battles.

Are these just buttons?

Are these people Crank Yankers?

Are they in the mail yet?

Are those my corns, dear heart?

Are two of the worst people I have ever met,

Are we doing a Harlem Shake?

Are you actually enjoying this?

Are you breaking up with me?

Are you going to stay for Karen's birthday cupcakes?

Are you listening to yourself?

Are you okay, Agent Yermuther?

Are you on drugs? You know, you can't smoke this Easter grass.

Are you really gonna take care of me,

Are you serious right now?

Are you serious?

Are you still drinking?

Are you sure the other guy was gay?

Are you sure you're not just freaking out about the baby

Are you talking to someone else?

Are you trying to get me to say "underwear"?

Around the time my dog

Artie Goodman and his progress and his dolphin safe tuna.

Artie Goodman here.

Artie Goodman, by the way.

Artie Goodman. We met on the phone.

Artie invited me to go to Europe with him,

Artie is on the waiting list for a new heart.

Artie, I'm so tired.

Artie?

Artie's asking about my public glory.

Artie's dead, Kitus.

Artie's probably gonna propose.

As a gender blind Tracey Chambers

As a kidnapping victim.

As a society, we've moved on.

As an apology gift, I brought some bubbly,

As chairman of the Washington Redskins,

As councilwoman for East Dogmouth,

As fast as Tasunke Witko's steed!

As I was about to sing in my next song...

As if it were just just one of my sons

As it is, Ms. White.

As Jesus said, "Won't you be my neighbor?"

As Judge Mills Lane said,

As long as I just keep doing stuff,

As my nonstop elegance,

As some of these other people doesn't mean I'm a thief.

As someone who sponsors a 1K for Crohn's disease,

As soon as he's done,

As Tammi with an I threatens to turn Manhattan into Haiti.

As that spelling of Tammi.

As you know,

As you might expect from that graphic,

Ashes to ashes. Dust to...

Ask me some softball questions.

Ask your friend Cyndee. She talks about the bunker all the time.

At $250 a pop.

At Carl Lee Hailey High School down in Mississippi.

At Columbia University?

At Greenwood Cemetery...

At least I remembered to put my pants and shirt back on.

At least my son didn't poop his pants at the Met Ball.

At least once a day when I choke on something.

At least she was free to live her life

At least today I'm getting paid.

At my gym's Cowabunga Plyometrics class.

At one of New Jersey's many fine peneries?

At school pickups, Easter egg hunts,

At summer camp on Roosevelt Island,

At the construction site for three hours.

At the party, you suggest everyone play Truth or Dare.

At Union Theological Seminary

At what?

At your home?

Attaboy, New Testament God.

Attacking the symbol of your own privilege!

Attica! Attica!

Austin is having a party

Austin, I like you, but I just met you.

Authorities tell us there is no such person as Cork Rockingham.

Aw! Bravo!

Aww, a monkey.

Aww, he's just jealous

Aww.

Aye. The measure passes.

Ayúdame just got here.

B, disappoint my parents,

Babies be havin' babies.

Back at Ray's Original Baptist Church in Chickasaw County, Mississippi,

Back before Julian, I went for a year, but ran out of money.

Back then, you thought those people were better than you.

Back to Titus.

Back to you, Guy.

Backslash number sign Q

Bad news for passengers on Carnivore Cruise Lines' Ocean Skank,

Bangladeshi cigarettes

Banned!

Banned!

Banned.

Bark eting manager.

Basically. That and cut up doughnuts.

Bastard!

Bathroom for customers only.

Bathroom key, s'il vous please.

BCO, baby.

Be careful, lady.

Be honest. I can take it.

Be like Fonzie

Be patient, Kimmy.

Be smearing it with old shrimp

Be with me.

Because apparently one of us decided to claim a marital tax credit

Because Attack of the Clones was such a turd.

Because back home, Swan Lake was just a lake.

Because being rich doesn't make me more important

Because he is not a fan of yours!

Because he refuses to do jury duty.

Because he was my first,

Because I have Wendy Williams tickets.

Because I know a good hiding place and I've got a sandwich in my pocket.

Because I know you, Titus Andromedon.

Because I prefer the less formal "toldja."

Because I was doing it for love.

Because I was you.

Because I'm doing it for the greatest reason of all...

Because I'm entered into a lot of raffles for free boat rides.

Because I've been practicing.

Because I've been so obsessed getting you back together with Mitchey.

Because I've done EpiPens on both of them.

Because it was haunted by the ghost of that water bug you killed.

Because it's all just people, and people are bad.

Because like that little bladder, I only care about number one.

Because lizard god forbid

Because making a choice is a good in itself.

Because my French teacher was named Madame Scruggs.

Because nobody in New York uses pens anymore.

Because of her.

Because of the beard and the shoulders? I get it.

Because of the money.

Because of the tear gas.

Because of you, the woman on that tape is dead.

Because that 12 year old boy who got kicked out of the choir...

Because that was some great acting.

Because that would've really impressed me.

Because that's the same beautiful bathroom

Because the final rule is no mind games.

Because the government is controlling their brains

Because the Hampton Inn told me that I can buy a room, like a condo!

Because the Voorhees fortune came from making glue

Because the world won't let you do it like a man.

Because they are sick!

Because they saw you crying

Because Titus is performing at that event.

Because we were such tools.

Because we're above it all now. Listen to Mommy.

Because we're gonna be together forever.

Because why would Xi Jinping

Because you are blessed with a voice.

Because you're a mouth expert!

Because... tradition.

Before he starts asking questions

Before she tucks into a dang sub?

Before the cruise What cruise? Shut up!

Before the icicle melts, just tell me where to go!

Before they were golfed to death.

Before you get the thing you want...

Before you get what you really want.

Before you say anything...

Being empowered sure is cold.

Being selfish is the only true morality.

Being your first and your only..

Believe me, I know.

Benghazi!

Benghazi!

Benghazi!

Bernice had hated us Wilkersons

Besides the obvious shoplifting?

Big difference.

Big Naturals grocery stores nationwide.

Big Naturals is donating

Big Naturals is donating

Bitch better have my money.

Bladdy!

Blech.

Blood, chewed up food, the whole thing.

Bob Dylan is dead...

Bobby, sweetie,

Boom, boy, bye, foop.

Boooo!

Boston?

Both living and dead.

Bottoms up, Cork.

Boy, Gretchen, cranking sure is easier

Boy, I wish that was the first time that had been said to a Snyder.

Boy, someone was worried about Africa not having any mayonnaise.

Boy, the Reverend sure is thirsty.

Boy, this is hard.

Boy, this sounds complicated

Boy, those boxes were heavy.

Boy, you are one bad mitten.

Boyogas!

Break it down.

Breaking news: Duke LaCrosse Snyder,

Breathe into my mouth.

Brigadoon. Candelabra. Cumberbatch.

Bring $100...

Brother, you're always thinking that people are ripping you off.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander or judge one another,

Buckle up, motherf...

Buckley!

Buh bird! Bird!

Buh buh buh bird!

Bumps. What else?

BunCo booth honey.

Bunker!

Bunny, Kitty, get into my office.

Bus life!

Business idea! Start a business!

But a condom full of heroin exploded in my stomach,

But after I developed the soups and wet foods algorithm

But all I really want is my Russ back.

But all the while...

But all white guys look the same to me,

But also, I don't know anything about real religion.

But aren't we all privileged in one way or another?

But around these parts, they call me Karate Kim.

But as Gordy is my witness,

But as our wise president once said,

But as the Spirit moves you.

But at least he's expressing himself now.

But before we do this,

But being with him is an opportunity for me to grow as a person.

But Big Pharma just prints money, man.

But delicious, savory seawater.

But do you know how to get,

But does it have to be on Real Housewives?

But don't impose your classism

But don't let me catch you on the Facebooks again in church.

But don't let this sick bastard do to you

But don't make me spell it out for you,

But don't you just want to bite him?

But Duke needs to think I want to.

But ever since that kiss,

But every age has its forbidden lovers, right?

But everyone survived, and the world got a good tongue twister out of it.

But everyone's fine.

But first of all, I don't know what emojis say

But first, establish "Homey" as one of your many nicknames.

But first, off to the hat store.

But for Mikey, I'll do it.

But for real this time.

But getting 'sploded is giving up.

But guess what. Real religion's a sham.

But he could be a creep in English and French as well?

But he is one of the more famous trickster spiders.

But he loves me

But he might not come back.

But he used to torture me.

But he's out of town, so it's all on my shoulders.

But he's the chairman of the Redskins now,

But her parents are getting a divorce...

But here I'm like you.

But how come for every guy digging a hole, it takes five other guys watching him?

But how do I get it from him?

But how?

But I admire your passion.

But I can stay close to him

But I can't convince everyone in New York that he's a liar.

But I can't!

But I convinced myself that our differences

But I did eat a dolphin.

But I did not name her that.

But I didn't tell you to do this.

But I diversified and now own more than 200

But I don't care for a female pastor.

But I don't have to give a penny of it to Titus.

But I don't want people to see me as some symbol.

But I doubt you're aware that this very spot

But I feel like all this attention is making you forget

But I get final wardrobe approval.

But I got stuck.

But I had underestimated her.

But I have an LVAD machine in my heart.

But I have early class in the morning.

But I have not been touched like that since Mikey left.

But I just effed out of college.

But I know if you don't give up and you think positive,

But I know someone who does.

But I look at the world, and I know it needs to change.

But I mean dangerous politically.

But I need you, Kimmy.

But I pray every day for the strength to do better.

But I read for the part of "white doctor."

But I saw the way that boy was looking at you.

But I say, "Show me the receips!"

But I still don't know where I want to go.

But I think women can handle just as many drinks as men.

But I visit my stores all the time.

But I was awakened by... the sound.

But I'd like to hang out.

But I'd love to hear it a little bit more like...

But I'll take any kind of hair.

But I'm allergic to cats.

But I'm getting paid $100 an hour,

But I'm glad we're friends again.

But I'm neither.

But I'm never gonna cry about it.

But I'm not going to let that monster hurt another person

But I'm not letting someone like that in my life again.

But I'm not letting that monster hurt another person.

But I'm not there yet.

But I'm the one with the balls to kapowee this place.

But I've known you since 1964.

But if all that's true,

But if I were to take a lover, you're both exactly my type.

But if I'm gonna get stuff done for this neighborhood,

But if Meemaw loved Russ more than me,

But if those two can't keep it in their stretch pants, I'm leaving.

But in East Dogmouth,

But in spite of everything, folks,

But in the mirror it was backwards, so I saw "revosti."

But is that what I want?

But it always turns out to be a Josh Goldberg.

But it doesn't.

But it is the kind of thing

But it just fwoomped right back.

But it says "caffeine free."

But it sounded like you were fighting a dolphin in there.

But it turned out I wasn't only spraying them.

But it will go unremembered.

But it's a Heather Locklear situation.

But it's also the third thing that comes up when you google me.

But it's cool.

But it's gonna be my bunker this time.

But it's great for the families.

But it's on her. She knew we were night hunting.

But it's still my story.

But it's your reward.

But its brakes have failed.

But Jeff and me are not doing anything bad.

But just imagine the optics of having a Native American in the family.

But just like that potato, he turned out to be rotten.

But know this, meatball.

But let's try to keep it PG.

But like an overactive bladder...

But luckily, Andrew's got unlimited minutes.

But maybe check your privilege for once.

But maybe I could help this lady see the mistake she's making.

But maybe that's because I never thought this would happen.

But Mikey knows you're back, right?

But murder?

But my penis will be eight.

But my point is, you can't run a cult like a man.

But no fur.

But no one here will listen to me,

But no, 'cause all Voorheeses go to Columbia,

But no. Utilitarianism

But not really, right?

But now he wants something from you, right?

But now that we're done, we can go get ice cream.

But now they got that big sludgefront development

But now we're gonna be banned from this gas station for life!

But okay, I'll find you after service tomorrow.

But on the inside, I'm teeming with filthy Greek men.

But on this tugboat

But once the drug gets approved by the FDA,

But one of his very first compositions

But one of these has to...

But only if you look at me.

But people come from all over the world to go to Columbia.

But people know that already, right?

But remember what de Beauvoir wrote in Le Deuxieme Sexe?

But Russ has thought it all out.

But Sandy was terrible.

But she doesn't buy anything.

But she doesn't use the bathroom.

But she has the same number of holes as anyone else.

But so did all the others.

But someone in the state of Indiana is taking it pretty seriously,

But spare the rod and spoil the child.

But speaking of Jacqueline,

But Spinoza said I had to make a choice.

But that doesn't mean you don't have,

But that song changed my mind.

But that would mean betraying you.

But that's all who you know.

But that's my business!

But that's the cleaning lady's problem.

But that's why I go by my middle name, Perry.

But that's why this is gonna work.

But the drawing is mostly stink lines.

But the LVAD, it's not a permanent fix.

But the mascot's a lemon on a surfboard.

But the party...

But the reason I asked you to meet me here,

But the Redskins are done.

But the show must go on, Ricky Earl!

But the sticker says "Sign here."

But the thing is, I have to do it.

But then he doesn't become Batman. Oh, gosh. What have I done?

But then he was gone, gone forever!

But then I had to eat all my paychecks.

But then I had to eat all my paychecks.

But then I heard someone playing my TaskRabbit song.

But then I met this Wall Street guy.

But then I realized that there's a way

But then it turned out to be a cardboard cutout.

But then one day, Miss Dionne took ill.

But then we realized exactly how brave and beautiful

But then you get home, and then...

But then you put your money where your mouth is.

But then..

But then...

But then...

But there's less of a reason for her to exist.

But there's something I got to tell you.

But there's something I got to tell you.

But they charge two bucks just to turn on the meter.

But they were just terrible.

But they're monsters.

But they're not on good terms for some reason.

But this is why you're all gonna go along with it.

But this is worse than Real Housewives.

But tigers don't live in Haiti.

But Titus the bladder is a hero.

But to right this wrong, I'm gonna need your help.

But today the barometer is falling,

But today's been a gosh dang, mother fudging sugar show!

But trying to be better.

But utilitarianism would say

But we almost forgot our bait.

But we can make do with chocolate milk powder and onions.

But we have a lot of other great vocational programs.

But we have reason to believe that Chalker is dangerous.

But we're going in different directions.

But we've seen a lot of great people.

But what came after was all Bernice.

But what if that's not true?

But what's that that the old folks used to say?

But when a protester buys a jersey,

But when is quitting ever the answer?

But when she's in a better mood,

But when Tilda Swinton does it, it's art.

But when we get to Stockholm,

But why are your eyes so uneven?

But why?

But with Richard, I know what I'm getting.

But with Russ, I feel like I am finally getting my reward.

But Xan wants me to talk about the bunker.

But you already have a husband, and he's got some stuff.

But you and me are smart.

But you can tell that he knows her as a husband

But you can tell which way is up by the noodle.

But you can't control the world.

But you did... like that soap I got.

But you do.

But you don't even know my name,

But you don't have to be a crossing guard

But you got that part in Mahogany.

But you got to keep 'em wet.

But you know what?

But you know what?

But you let someone back in your life who's...

But you never know. You might surprise yourself.

But you save, like, 100 people.

But you'll have the most beautiful new waterfront...

But you're all full of something.

But you're... you're still at the same table.

But your time is over.

But, in fact, no, rain and tears are different.

But, is that the expression? I don't really eat cake.

But, Jorqueline,

But, Titus,

But, Titus, there is!

But, well, according to Spinoza,

But, you know...

But... they're my family,

But... Who said that?

Buy something!

By a bat wielding man in a yellow cape.

By a pattern of increasingly erratic behavior

By accident.

By asking him to rank Kid Rock songs.

By blackmailing doctors on sugar daddy sites.

By dropping chimps out of hot air balloons?

By guys who looked real good on paper.

By one Mr. Burt Bacharach.

By the same lawyers who did Mrs. Claus' prenup.

Bye bye, sweetie. It's so good to see you.

Bye.

C arf O?

C, boats, D, Tallahassee?"

C, meet potential lovers,

Call Make A Wish.

Call me a feminist,

Call me old fashioned if you want to,

Call me someone who works here.

Called Turgle, I think.

Caller ID ruining my crank yanking,

Can a lady get a heads up

Can I at least call OnStar and pretend I've had an accident?

Can I be the guy that's one day away from retirement?

Can I borrow a snack for the ride home?

Can I come in?

Can I get you anything, a tea or a water?

Can I go now?

Can I have his stuff?

Can I help you, sir?

Can I interest you in an all beak hot dog?

Can still access the part of the river he's most furious at.

Can we stop by whatever a Century 21 is in Pennsylvania?

Can you believe I'm finally going to college?

Can you believe it?

Can you believe my Guatemalan butt implants got infected?

Can you believe this tuna tartare

Can you believe this tuna tartare

Can you imagine me living here?

Can you just make sure he's not tricking me or anything?

Can you make sure Xan gets to bed?

Can't show up and get a Nobel Prize?

Canadian.

Cannot afford to live here no more.

Care for a water?

Careful! My name is library!

Carry on.

Catch you later...

Catherine and Heathcliff,

Cats don't meow around other cats.

Caused by a spark... in the sail room.

Certain that by now, she'd be in the infirmary.

Certainly more than the Rat Bucket Challenge.

Change the name,

Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name! Change the name!

Change the name! Change the name! Change the name!

Charles Barkley got tangled up in an old lady's clothesline.

Cheating on you or whatever.

Check it, wreck it. Let's begin.

Check the tide schedule ahead of time.

Cherry flavored lube?

Child work rules were very different in the '70s.

Chocolates,

Clara is trying to destroy me.

Clean up the sludgefront, more yuppies will move in.

Close parentheses." Here we go.

Clouds! Stars!

Coach Tannen should have told you.

Coach, this is her!

College?

College.

Columbia House? Like the tapes?

Columbia University

Columbia would like to present you with this honorary degree.

Come any closer, you'll never poop again.

Come downstairs.

Come here, Kimmy. Come to me!

Come here.

Come on

Come on, Drench.

Come on, girl.

Come on, horse brusher.

Come on, let's do this. My pill's kicking in.

Come on, people.

Come on, you'll love it.

Come on!

Come on! Come on, girl!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. That's not true.

Come outside and see your storm.

Come over here and try to bend this!

Come upstairs.

Come!

Coming to the stage, a band so new, they're not even

Conference Championship game's today.

Congratulations, Dukey boy.

Cooking sherry?

Cool, cool.

Cool, right?

Cool.

Copy. Moving to breach.

Cork, that was a frozen turkey.

Cork!

Cork? I mean, Flouncy.

Cork.

Could be fun.

Could I tempt either of you with a bourbon?

Could see us now.

Could you two be any less helpful?

Councilwoman Kaushtupper

Crazy drunk driver.

Crossing guard.

Cruise ship? What cruise ship?

Crumpets and Cheerios,

CTV? My favorite show is the dining hall menu.

Cuban cigars, a watchable Superman movie.

Cults is the only thing I've ever cared about,

Cyndee Pokorny and Donna Maria Nuñez already tried,

Cyndee Pokorny and Donna Maria Nuñez already tried,

Cyndee Pokorny,

Cyndee,

Cyndee, stop eating air shrimp.

Cyndee.

Cynthia Nixon.

D d di did I stutter? D damn it.

D don't be a stranger!

D, help people be safe."

D'Fwan broke up with me!

D'Fwhere did we go wrong?

Daddy, I can't come over tonight.

Damn it, it's like that time a bear drowned in my pool

Damn it, Russ.

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn millennials.

Damn, Dale.

Damn.

Dang it, Xan.

Dang it!

Dang it! All of these are missing pieces.

Dang it.

Dave would be nowhere without Buster's.

Day two, carriage horse stew for all!

Dead!

Death is the eternal sleep, Kimmy,

Debra Winger.

Deciding whom to tell,

Deirdre Robespierre. I'm Head Mom at St. Clotilde's.

Delivering food without eating it?

Depending on the wind.

Derr, I'm Kimmy!

Des pensées et mots de la bouche.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Despite appearances,

Despite several taste tests indicating it is not.

Dessert spaghetti!

Desserts!

Diane Lane's favorite dog breeds for pleasing your man.

Dianne and I have had a lot more time on our hands

Dianne Delamonte Shapiro.

Dianne?

Dick Cheney cut the line.

Dick told me she was always trying to run away.

Did he give you a single rose with a teddy bear clipped to it?

Did he hide a ring in a patty melt?

Did he leave anything here?

Did he write "it's over" on your forehead while you were asleep?

Did I not bring it?

Did I pop the P in "Hillary murdered Nicole Brown Simpson"?

Did I say something wrong?

Did I take my medicine? What is this?

Did it work?

Did Linda do an oopsie?

Did Linda make a poopy?

Did someone order a hot dish?

Did that bladder just say "foop"?

Did they flip him over and forget which side is up?

Did they get Raptured?

Did Vin Diesel just walk in here?

Did we

Did you buy more copies of today's Post?

Did you do it too?

Did you ever find those extra wide tampons?

Did you interrupt me? I wasn't done, Koontz.

Did you just get these today?

Did you know he made a bunch of shoes once during a cocaine bender?

Did you know that Nabokov's native language was Russian

Did you know the seventh hour of that show is just a sign up sheet?

Did you mean what you told me that night at the Foxwoods Casino?

Did you really think I would ever support the Redskins?

Did you say "beef" or "beak"?

Did you say "Harvert"?

Did you say "vote" or "smoke meth"?

Did your powers tell you that something important was happening?

Dina Camillo did that in third grade, and she was cool.

Dinner is served!

Dinner tonight?

Dinner's ready!

Dionne Warwick got better.

Dionne Warwick!

Disappear forever.

Discovered that he had been radicalized by ISIS.

Divinity school?

Do I get a medal? Who cares?

Do I have to repeat a grade?

Do it... for Mikey.

Do not insult my ingellitence!

Do the professors here have real world crossing guard experience?

Do we have any batteries?

Do you even know this Big Naturals

Do you know what they said to me?

Do you know what this is?

Do you like it?

Do you like sleeping in a giant pit full of skeletons?

Do you mind if I come in? I think you could help me with something.

Do you mind if I light all your candles?

Do you need me to call you a helicopter?

Do you not like it? I was gonna wear it

Do you pray, Titus?

Do you really think people would go to a restaurant

Do you really think that's what the voters want?

Do you take Russ to have and to hold,

Do you want to get coffee sometime?

Do you want to work here?

Do you, like, do stuff with them?

Do you, Titus?

Do your worst, tubes,

Does he have a knife?

Does it appear for one day every hundred years?

Does that dress have no waist?

Does that mean I can go into restaurants with you?

Does that mean I'm betraying the memory

Does that mean you get the menu ahead of time?

Doesn't sound like you did.

Doing an exercise class.

Doing my best.

Domestic violence? Taxpayer funded stadiums?

Don't abort me! This is taking a weird turn.

Don't answer that door until I lose 15 pounds.

Don't be ridiculous, Jacqueline.

Don't care about anyone but themselves.

Don't come in quite yet.

Don't disappear, magical office.

Don't do me like that, Paulie!

Don't do this to us. Don't do this to yourself.

Don't even.

Don't get freaked out that he has legs.

Don't get me started.

Don't let anyone see that.

Don't listen to them!

Don't look at me like I'm a giant turkey leg, boy!

Don't overreact.

Don't overthink it.

Don't realize their pension checks are just slices of bologna.

Don't ruin this, Russ.

Don't say a thing.

Don't say anything.

Don't sign anything until you have someone with glasses look at it.

Don't they know I can reassemble those doughnuts?

Don't try to stop me, because I never will!

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. I'm prepared for this.

Don't worry. Not everything's changing.

Don't you get it, Xan?

Don't you have your own mess to figure out?

Don't you know me? It's your Kimmy.

Don't you know taking a picture of a gay man unannounced

Don't you remember how things used to be before Kimmy?

Don't you think I know what's at stake here?

Don't you think people would be inspired by your story?

Don't you want to hire a robot or something?

Don't you want to impress Artie's children?

Donate all your organs, 'cause, yeah, you die,

Donkeytips? Ooh.

Doug...

Down, Lucifer.

Down, Lucifer.

Dr. Vanessa Poseidon.

Draft cards, bras, Los Angeles.

Drains is drains!

Drench Thunderman is Reverending the entire city.

Drench Thunderman's on TV saying the world is ending,

Drinking seawater makes people hallucinate.

Ducks that have babies.

Duke figured out I was lying.

Duke is gonna be in charge?

Duke thinks we bumped beautifuls.

Duke, we can't do this.

Duke, what a surprise.

East Dogmouth is what's known as a food desert.

Easy.

Eating cheese for dessert on purpose,

Eating...

Edible paper, a hat with pockets...

Edible underwear?

Edible underwear...

Edmund works in the Columbia robotics lab.

Eh, I took the freight elevator 'cause the doorman thought I was garbage.

Eh, pass.

Either way, this song is about me dying first.

Elaine, you've been quiet.

Elsa is my boyfriend's wife.

Emily Post is silent on the subject.

Enough about me. I haven't asked you anything.

Enough with the gressing already.

Enslaving a woman with a brain injury.

Epic.

Equals sign kimmy plus sign schmidt"?

Eskimo kisses are a hard no.

Especially if you care about Artie.

Especially men.

Especially once we get you some new clothes.

Especially since I'm mystery bitch.

Especially Stewart and Phoebe

Especially the hot tubs and pools.

Especially the New Jersey part

Europe? The Kaushtuppers fled Europe

Even for a glorious diva such as "moy

Even if it kills me.

Even if it means you hate me,

Even if that means you starve to death.

Even if that's what he smells like now.

Even if the whole family

Even pee standing up.

Even though deep down I knew

Even though I was raised Mennonite, yo!

Even though they don't have recess.

Even with Buckley and Xan,

Even with Iktomi on my side

Even your mama didn't come to..

Ever since I cheated on him.

Ever since we got kicked out of Holland for killing Vermeer.

Ever since we got the pew closest to the air conditioning.

Ever think that maybe the problem isn't that you're a woman?

Ever.

Every minute of my life has been a struggle,

Every national chain sounds disgusting

Every time I go through a metal detector, it's a whole thing

Every weather system is unique,

Everybody already hates me here.

Everybody does it.

Everybody in here is a born sinner.

Everybody leave!

Everybody leave!

Everybody leave.

Everybody's gay, Kimmy. It's the '90s.

Everybody's gonna want to play their mistress's music video.

Everyone can do questions. Now, girl, I need to lie down.

Everyone just thinks of you as Titus' busted hag.

Everyone just vapes each other now.

Everyone lies online, Lillian.

Everyone please stay seated,

Everyone talks too fast.

Everyone was like, "Wow,

Everyone, don't look!

Everything changed in there.

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything hurts in this monkey suit.

Everything I believe in is right here in magenta and white.

Everything that you just said is fun stuff I can't do now.

Everything we fought for back then was about change.

Ew, I hope you're changing it to...

Ew.

Ew. I'm not playing a game where the whole point is to pay rent.

Exactly, just like snowflakes or Subway sandwich artists.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Except at hockey!

Except at sports.

Except Hannibal Lecter.

Except I don't get murdered.

Except in my bra, 'cause I need the support.

Except money.

Except no one's gonna believe us over her.

Excuse me, I got a call about my husband, Russ Snyder.

Excuse me. You only gave me a bun.

Execute. Take her down.

Exercise? Please.

Explain movies to the elderly.

Fake dialing a phone when you're in a porno?

Fake religion locks you in a box if you spill the toilet pumpkin

Fall back, fall back!

Famous Ray's Original College, SUNY The Sewer.

Fantastic. Moving on.

Far out.

Fear, horniness, fear based horniness.

Feed the hungry, read to the blind,

Feel the Spirit, Brother Titus.

Felt pretty good. Felt pretty good.

Females are strong as hell.

Ferret wedding, ferret wedding, ferret wedding

Fifteen employees start tomorrow,

Fifty third and Sixth, across from the Sbarro's.

Filibuster!

Filled with mostly Latin Kings.

Filthy! Filthy!

Final scenario.

Finally

Finally celebrating Valentine's Day.

Fine.

Fine. I made 30 grand.

Finga, could you give us a moment?

Finish packing yet?

First Jacqueline gets a hottie with a body

First of all, that chili I found is going right through me.

First of all, that'd be a great T shirt for a medical examiner on her day off.

First of all, you cannot keep a secret.

Five minutes to curtain!

Five minutes!

Five minutes?

Flag on the play.

Flip 'em over! You're looking at the wrong side!

Flip them over, Kimmy.

Flouncy Magoo?

Foop! Perry works here!

Foop! We're not doing this.

Foop.

Foop. It's time to go, girl.

Football, business,

For a baby to be named Linda?

For a thing I need...

For all these years is true.

For an adult woman who works in human resources

For both of us.

For both of you.

For college.

For drama, fool.

For exactly this kind of opportunity.

For example, if I have two pairs of shoes

For good.

For him to have to live with the knowledge

For hunting, defense, and invariably pleasure.

For lunch with Kim and Kanye and Tom and Gisele.

For my lack of success, but it's my fault.

For Nom Nom, some major funding came through.

For now.

For now.

For one, I don't think we should kill the dog.

For pictures of bunnies doing jobs.

For real. I was All State, girl. I met the governor!

For realsies?

For Russ

For that moving rendition of "Rain, Rain, Go Away."

For the children's Easter egg hunt?

For the next two days,

For the second season of Sex and the City.

For the sludge cleanup.

For the strawberries' bodies.

For this project.

For those of you who don't know the lingo,

For those times when you're sleepy and don't want to be,

For what greater love is there than this,

For what the French call "la performance de play."

For what you should know is an unauthorized and very incorrect

For who are you to judge your neighbor?"

For you.

Forget all about "kid gets erection at bar mitzvah."

Forget it

Forget it, Blondie. I am outta here.

Forgive me, friendly New Testament God

Former trophy wife with no skills is even qualified to do.

Forty years ago?

Four likes!

Frames is where they get you.

Frank and Maria Spinelli's gorgeous marble deck.

Freaking out from the storm.

Friend give a rap lecture on Greek philosophy.

From best to worst,

From coming to our neighborhood

From horses' faces.

From Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, aka Dick Wayne, aka DJ Slizzard.

From the inside, like a Trojan horse.

From the ship's salad bar before every performance.

From when I was touring colleges.

Fruits and vegetables keep us healthy and strong.

Fruits and vegetables?

Fudge this. Fudge this whole thing raw!

Fudging onions.

Full disclosure: I read that on a popsicle stick,

Fun fact: he was only pretending to be a sailor.

Funky late husband Roland Peacock?

Gah lee, what is wrong with women?

Gah!

Galoshes.

Game over.

Garbage D by Hefty,

Gassy.

Gattaca! Gattaca!

Gayle and Oprah are flying us out

Gene, how's the girlfriend?

Generally, just living my best life.

Genetically our closest cousin.

Gentle giants of the deep, monsters of the sky.

Get a life, why don't ya?

Get a safety pin and deal with it, Jasper!

Get away from me, you crazy son of a bitch!

Get down here, bitch.

Get in a bunker, Kimmy.

Get in!

Get out of my amusement park.

Get out of my house!

Get out of the way, honey.

Get out there and face the consequences.

Get over here, you drunk slut.

Get ready to drink some tea.

Get ready to get friggin' cozy.

Get ready, 'cause Sean Penn is on his way.

Get really low.

Get rid of the carriage horses in Central Park.

Get small, muchachos.

Get stuff done?

Get the key.

Get to work on those tapes, guys!

Get your thumbs off it.

Getting kids safely to school, calling drivers "pal,"

Ghost him.

Ghost him.

Girl, don't give any thought

Girl, I'm trying to watch this!

Girl, no one wants your Swedish ass shoes.

Girl, put those pocket buttholes away

Girl, read the text!

Girl, stop talking to me!

Girl, that was scary.

Girl, that's nasty!

Girl, that's so much worse than what it actually is!

Girl, what on earth is the haps?

Girl, why do you just assume that I

Girl, you know I'm asleep!

Girl, you think that's the only key?

Girl. Fifth best.

Give me a break. You never used this room.

Give me that thing!

Give me that.

Give your extra shoes to a spider.

Glad you're doing good.

Glitter, on my phone.

Glory to God!

Go ahead, boy. Eat me.

Go ahead, dear.

Go ahead, Kimmy, do it.

Go back to the Upper East Side,

Go get her, Titus!

Go to the deli and get me some tea

Go, church!

Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go.

Go, ****!

Go, Kimmy! Go, Kimmy!

Go, Kimmy! Go, Kimmy! Go...

Go, Pricks!

Go, Titus!

Go, Tony! Go, Tony!

God damn it!

God, I suck!

God, I want you.

God, there's so many bugs in here.

God! Look, I've been working at the university TV station.

God...

Goddamn millennials.

Goes outside one time with wet hair..

Going back on a promise would mean breaking the Rousseauvian social contract.

Going from dud to stud like this!

Gonna need some, um, Easter grass

Gonna vote for me tomorrow?

Good afternoon, Mr. Bortz

Good evening. I'm Xanthippe Voorhees.

Good food at a fair price started in 1978,

Good for you, sweetheart.

Good for you.

Good idea, son.

Good luck with that.

Good morning, Buckley

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning! How are you?

Good point, Perry.

Good thing Trump's gonna make us all rich, right?

Good to see you, Kimmy.

Good with children and bees."

Good. They need someone who can get through a chromatic modulation

Goodbye!

Goodness, no.

Goodness. No.

Google it.

Gordy, Gordy, Gordy...

Gordy, you need Titus.

Gordy! Gordi! Gordee! Feat. Titus!

Gordy's got some opinions.

Gosh Almighty, who you may know from,

Gosh dang it! I mean, is that what all religion is?

Gospel choir outside Madonna's tour bus, just like Jesus would have.

Got a sec, Teach?

Got any packs

Got around to buying you a wedding band

Got it.

Got to bounce, bro. This guy's late for his grandma's fizz uneral!

Got you these.

Great example, Mr. Goodman.

Great Friday!

Great. So, when I want him to call, he suddenly can't be bothered

Greed is part of human nature.

Gretchen is dangerous.

Gretchen, don't do anything you're gonna regret!

Gretchen, honey,

Gretchen, it's Kimmy Schmidt.

Gretchen, we have to talk.

Gretchen, you don't seem very happy.

Gretchen, you have to be a "bonorcaphant."

Gretchen, your lamp broke, on its own.

Gretchen?

Grocery stores emptying out

Guess some people don't know gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Guess what.

Guess you don't meet a lot of snakes.

Guess you sell their organs or something.

Guess you sell their organs or something.

Gum is the lie your mouth tells your stomach.

Gus?

Gypsy curse, or trying to drop the chunk before you come back to me?

H..

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha! Uh par tay!

Ha ha.

Ha!

Ha! And what if a cat got up there?

Ha! Idiots.

Ha! Man, those pee pee commercials are all up in my porns.

Ha! Who was she?

Ha.

Half the country would buy the jerseys to burn them

Hall was nothing without Oates.

Hammer beats worms.

Hang on

Hang on

Has been arrested in Midtown Manhattan,

Has she googled me?

Have a good day. I don't live around here.

Have a nice life.

Have a nice life.

Have the number one selling jersey last year?

Have you lost weight? Everyone thinks so.

Have you not seen Mikey since you've been back?

Have you seen "girl poops pants at spelling bee"?

Have you seen Life of Pi?

Have you seen Miss Warwick?

Have you seen the latest Toyota commercial?

Haven't you ever read "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"?

Haven't you said enough?

Having romantic weekends every day of the week,

He also ate a whole turkey.

He also ate a whole turkey.

He came over to play Call of Duty.

He can wait

He can't flip my cereal bowl in my face and call me a dummy.

He can't scream at me when the Steelers lose.

He could just walk in, get a side view,

He didn't eat Dionne Warwick.

He does?

He doesn't even care about boobs!

He doesn't have any friends and can't afford anything in there.

He fell on a shotgun.

He got a mixtape to get out there.

He got the third one, Mara Mara.

He has a thriving psychiatry practice.

He hung up on me

He invited me to the ballet, but I didn't realize that.

He is an international basketball man.

He is so woke.

He keeps that lady from getting on a smelly outdoor horse.

He killed you, and now you're a ghost?

He looked at me.

He loved East Dogmouth.

He made a robot that's racist.

He made me follow my dream.

He may be easy on the eyes, but he's queasy on the ears.

He might not come back, Kimmy

He named his baby Linda

He needs your help, Kimmy.

He rules over the team with an iron fist

He saves her from dancing with that basic husband of hers.

He says he has no peers.

He stops her from hanging out with a child.

He takes taxis. He's been to Rhode Island.

He thinks it'll make us jealous.

He told me he wants to be a reverend.

He told me the fudging world was ending!

He told me to buy canned food and get in a bunker.

He told me you were still in love with him.

He tried to fight me, and then halfway through...

He was in Rent, I think, right?

He was made of cans, and I had the magnet.

He was pretty sick.

He won't cheat on me with my neighbor 'cause he can't.

He writes me the most beautiful poems.

He'd be the host of Little Stinkers or whatever?

He'll be fine. You gave him a gun, right?

He'll never realize what a useless piece of crap I am,

He'll put us on the wall!

He's a Durst.

He's a loser, Jacqueline.

He's a monster!

He's a stud, but if a woman does it... ugh.

He's a terrible person.

He's a wily trickster spider

He's a wily trickster.

He's always lying

He's cheating on me, Kim Kebow.

He's different with me.

He's doing good.

He's evil, Wendy. I lived with him for 15 years.

He's fake news.

He's got a baby.

He's got a ton of heat on him.

He's got glasses in his pockets. We're fudged!

He's got some Nuh uh. Uh uh.

He's in there with Kimmy Schmidt.

He's just gonna hang out afterwards.

He's just so jet lagged, I'm letting him sleep.

He's like a young William Carlos Williams, don't you think?

He's not even my type.

He's on his own.

He's probably gonna cry after,

He's real.

He's single?

He's so attentive.

He's so charismatic.

He's the brains. I'm just the beauty... and the muscle.

He's the last thing on your mind.

He's the worst monster of all.

He's your brother in law!

He's... a nerd?

Head back to the counter.

Headed straight for New York's own New York City area.

Heathcliff and Garfield.

Heavenly Father!

Heavenly Father!

Heh, heh, heh.

Heh, so it's a good thing you didn't eat Dionne Warwick,

Hello Kitty seems innocent, but... she is.

Hello, Coriolanus,

Hello, coworker. I'm Kimmy.

Hello, Kimmy.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? BoatScam

Hello? This your phone?

Hello. It is today.

Help her, Kimmy. Don't sign.

Help me look for it.

Help me, Meemaw.

Hence, these dinners have become

Her ass or her face, and I don't have face money!

Her hair!

Her phone is a contuter!

Her spectives? Gals on the Town?

Her? She's not my friend.

Here in this apartment.

Here lies Titus, stepmother to my lizards,

Here we go

Here with an update on Hurricane Tammi with an I.

Here you go.

Here, take my bus pass.

Here.

Here.

Here's how we handle DJ Fingablast.

Here's you car phone back.

Heroin. Cigarettes. A jigsaw puzzle.

Hey,

Hey,

Hey, Artie.

Hey, come on, Xan

Hey, Fern, she's got another plan.

Hey, forget about that.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Kimmy. Zoon.

Hey, guys. You..

Hey, hey, hey. Kimmy, right?

Hey, hey, ho, ho!

Hey, hey, I thought we were sticking together.

Hey, I get it. It's a classic move.

Hey, I need $200. It's for a sword.

Hey, if I hook you guys up,

Hey, if you have anything to donate to the clothing drive

Hey, is Gretchen out there?

Hey, it's me, man, Lonny Dufrene.

Hey, listen, why don't you use your money

Hey, mall!

Hey, Meth Head Charlie.

Hey, mister,

Hey, punch me in the face.

Hey, Tevin!

Hey, this is what our foremothers fought for.

Hey, this thing has night vision.

Hey, Titus,

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey, what's that under there?

Hey, where do you get off, pal?

Hey, where's my sweatshirt?

Hey, Xan, you chose to attack the family crest with alcohol,

Hey, you know I'm still here, right?

Hey, you're not that kid with the bucket of worms anymore.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Don't tell me what to do!

Hey! Lay off my truck, pal!

Hey! Where's the dean?

Hey! You allergic to cats?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, come on, Red.

Hey. It's Mikey Politano.

Hey...

Hi, Dr. Bayden.

Hi, hi.

Hi, I I'm Paulie Fucillo.

Hi, I'm Gretchen.

Hi, I'm Stacey, one of Russ' nurses.

Hi, I'm Stacey, one of Russ' nurses.

Hi, Sister Kimmy!

Hi. I'm Kimmy.

Hide your shoes, children!

Hide your shoes, children!

Hiding in the attic,

Hippity, hoppity.

Hippity, hoppity. Hippity, hoppity.

His bitch baby.

His heaven will be a grand piano full of baked potatoes.

His lips are softer than the baked potato I practice on.

His mother worked, you know.

His name is Perry, and we went to first base

His name is Reuben,

His name's Andrew.

His scurvy's gone.

Hispaniolan solenodon.

Hit it!

Hitting a floating tambourine while my other hand gets a manicure.

Hmm

Hmm? I win every time.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm...

Ho lay.

Hold on. Uh...

Hold them tight.

Hold up, I'm off the beat. I'm off the beat.

Hold up.

Hold up. I'm on the baysh?

Hold your horses, Xan.

Holy diagnosis, black man.

Holy secret identity, Bat President!

Home Box Office bought Sesame Street and fired all the actors.

Homey can't do that, Kimmy.

Homey, no!

Honestly, Jacqueline, you didn't even get on our gaydar,

Honey, you be Ruth and shoulder my burden.

Honey, you paid someone

Hot but terrible.

Hot tub babies,

Hotsy totsy Liberace. I've killed another one.

How about a little sample?

How about you, Mr. Frumpus?

How about, "She's going to Disneyland"?

How am I gonna get my pockets fat with that kind of cheddar, fam?

How am I supposed to choose?

How am I supposed to smoke in the shower?

How are you cooler than me here?

How are you gonna keep it going if you can't perform it live?

How are you so good at this?

How are you, bestie?

How bad is it?

How can I give them the corn pudding

How can I prove I'm a good person

How come everyone always gets confused by this?

How cool is that?

How could anyone give anything to him instead of me?

How could I ever choose? Dance for me.

How could Meemaw give it to him instead of me?

How could they do that?

How could you be stuck in the '70s?

How could you possibly know?

How did he do it?

How do boys decide who calls?

How do I have a vitamin C deficiency?

How do I talk about "you know who"

How do they know you're rich?

How do you compete with a memory?

How do you even know that guy?

How do you know all that?

How do you know my fake middle name?

How do you know Roland, you skank?

How do you know you're even here right now?

How do you think? He's an Ursula the Sea Witch, Titus

How do you want to die?

How does that make it more edible?

How does this look? After the Post story,

How does this sound?

How does your car know that song?

How easily you give up.

How is he doing that?

How is that good?

How is that not for kids?

How long have you been here?

How lovely to peep you.

How much do those things cost?

How often do you receive big cakes that a person could fit in?

How often does the newspaper say you went from "dud to stud"?

How the game works!"

How to be a real schmuck.

How to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

How un random is that?

How was the big date?

How we test new helmets

How wonderful.

How would you like to sing lead?

How?

How'd you find me?

How'd you steal my voice?

How's the pizza in prison?

Huge mistake, pal.

Huh. I guess I never really thought about it.

Huh. Maybe philosophy can help me.

Huh. This time, I'm not crying.

Huh...

Huh... I think they can!

Humiliating

Hurricane Tammi with an I continues to wreak havoc

Hurricane Tammi with an I has already ravaged

Husky children.

I I really do like you.

I just one one second.

I Well, I mean,

I absorb niceness from your umbilicals.

I actually changed my name to Linda

I actually haven't seen that movie

I almost forgot.

I almost lost it when that silly friend of yours put it in donations.

I also have an albino after me, but that's a whole other deal.

I always answer it

I am a star!

I am Dionne Heffalumpin' Warwick!

I am enjoying this collaboration.

I am gonna crash with my friends at Columbia.

I am loving this

I am not the one to help you decide between Mr. Big and Hormf.

I am running for district council...

I am sick and tired of you rich pricks coming in here

I am so sorry about the documents.

I am very serious with my boyfriend.

I am your friend.

I asked him to present it in my intro philosophy class tomorrow.

I ate $10,000 worth of my paychecks.

I ate a hamburger out of the trash.

I ate Dionne Warwick!

I ate Dionne Warwick!

I ate Dionne Warwick.

I ate Grammy Award winner Dionne Warwick!

I ate Hot Beef...

I ate leftovers.

I ate my own fingernails.

I ate... uh, nobody.

I barely ate any chocolate yesterday

I been, uh, getting out there, like you told me to.

I bet he's never heard of you either, lady!

I bet that's exactly what happened

I bet this is all Iktomi's doing

I bet you can't force my legs apart.

I bet your cell's pretty small.

I bet. This place is all that...

I booked us on a National Geographic smoked fish tour of Scandinavia.

I bought a Charleston Chew here in 2007.

I bought on the sidewalk, I wanted this to work,

I bought water and food, and we can play these games.

I bowled a 90.

I bring you shopping with me at Fashion Town

I broke Yermuther's back.

I brought photocopies of a dead bird.

I called the lawyer's office

I came by your house last night after I turned down

I can give you options

I can just starve to death, and I won't have to choose.

I can only make it better.

I can put up with anything.

I can see Russ finally

I can still taste the bronze of her earrings.

I can, Roger, but Mikey has somewhere to be.

I can't be fighting gentrification

I can't believe I'm asking Cyndee Pokorny for advice.

I can't believe that high school girl I once caught

I can't believe you don't remember that.

I can't compete with that.

I can't control anything in this life.

I can't disappoint him

I can't do it.

I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with these divorce papers.

I can't follow any of this!

I can't get into specifics,

I can't just reject him.

I can't keep track.

I can't let Clara ruin everything.

I can't risk offending him,

I can't sit on a toilet yet,

I can't stop thinking about you.

I can't stop you.

I can't take care of Russ.

I can't take this kind of stress.

I can't take this.

I can't trust the news?

I can't wait around for Mikey to come to his dumb Italian senses.

I can't wait to meet all the other "studes."

I can't wait to put this on YouTube.

I can't wait to see what you send me next!

I can't watch you do that

I can't whistle. I saw a hawk once.

I can't with you right now.

I can't. It ran over my feet first.

I can't. It's Black History Month.

I cannot go back in the chorus.

I cannot hear you, Michael!

I changed it again.

I chose to hear "artistic."

I cooked.

I could actually use philosophy to help people,

I could be calling a joke hotline.

I could leave them with.

I could practice on her.

I could use that.

I couldn't find anything, so the box is empty.

I couldn't hear you say, "Who's there?"

I couldn't possibly accept something so beautiful.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I couldn't stop thinking about you meeting the Goodmans

I dated a guy who had a pet bird named Jeter

I decided to come to this.

I deserved to be with someone who loved to go dancing

I did a great eel roll back in the day.

I did audition for a drug commercial.

I did everything I could to make her see she's better than this

I did everything the men do.

I did it, Kimmy.

I did not know that.

I did some pro bono work for a limo driver who was scalded

I did the worst thing any human being can do

I did try to roll it out solo on the Today Show.

I did what you asked.

I didn't come all the way out here

I didn't expect a movie about Wallace Shawn eating alone

I didn't know if waffles would travel well,

I didn't know you had a sister.

I didn't know you had it in you.

I didn't lie. I I showered.

I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, Coach Tannen.

I didn't realize I was in the company of a presentation giver.

I didn't see y'all come in.

I didn't start going by Linda till...

I didn't start using it until, I guess,

I didn't steal him.

I didn't talk to him. I bounced.

I didn't want any rules, but maybe having a few rules

I didn't wear it better at all.

I didn't.

I didn't. I had nothing but enemies, because I love you.

I do not want to talk about it.

I do own a baseball stick now.

I do the wordplay here, so stay in your Nathan Lane, Kim D.M.C.,

I do what I can.

I do.

I do.

I don't

I don't agree with you on everything,

I don't anymore.

I don't believe anything I hear in the lame stream media.

I don't belong on the wall with scumbags

I don't blame them.

I don't care what any of you people think.

I don't care what you think

I don't care!

I don't care! God bless America!

I don't even know what that means anymore.

I don't even know what that means,

I don't even know what that's like.

I don't even know where to start

I don't even pick the cashews out of nut mixes.

I don't ever want to see you again!

I don't get it.

I don't have any extracurriculars.

I don't have it.

I don't have time for this.

I don't have time for this.

I don't just want to be a crossing guard

I don't know how many organs a person has.

I don't know how things worked on that cruise ship,

I don't know how to explain this stuff to you two.

I don't know if you enjoy observational humor

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to say!

I don't know what you mean, Zippy.

I don't know what you think you know,

I don't know where you bowl.

I don't know which one of you is right about the sludgefront,

I don't know you. I don't understand you.

I don't know you. I don't understand you.

I don't know, Italian ceilings?

I don't know, Titus.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. After high school, most white girls go to college.

I don't know. I haven't eaten today.

I don't know. Is there a tour?

I don't know. It was all I had clean.

I don't know. They loved Benghazi.

I don't know...

I don't let some pyramid tell me what food to eat.

I don't like being lied to about "apocalypsises."

I don't like it here.

I don't like it here.

I don't like losing.

I don't need the heat.

I don't need you here just to keep Duke away from me.

I don't overstand. I don't even understand.

I don't recall making that promise. But I've been forgetting so much lately.

I don't remember anything.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember that.

I don't say anything when you pretend to be pregnant

I don't understand this place.

I don't wanna be a Snyder.

I don't want my roommates seeing my stupid former nanny.

I don't want to do that.

I don't want to eat eels.

I don't want to go to Mandar.

I don't want to go to the gym

I don't want to hear it. I'm out of here.

I don't want to lose you. Please, you're the only one for me.

I don't want to make sexy pottery with you.

I don't want your humiliation on there any more than

I don't, 'cause coffee makes me, like,

I don't.

I dropped it in a public pool while I was making track one.

I even got a bonus after my bravura performance

I even tried to seduce her.

I feel bad that I never have the stuff that you want at the store.

I feel like a real professional here...

I feel like I'm wearing glasses.

I feel like Kimmy at a drugstore self checkout.

I feel like that 12 year old

I feel like we're letting a blind person go to bed on a stove.

I feel like Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard.

I feel lucky Richard chose me.

I feel terrible about what happened to you.

I finally get the title to the movie Face/Off!

I flipped and ran away like a pancake with legs.

I for sure don't understand her.

I found a ton of rare nom noms on the way over and crushed it.

I found it on accident while searching the Internet

I get it. It must be horrible...

I get there before the cops

I get why you didn't want to talk about that cruise stuff.

I give up.

I go here now. Surprised?

I googled you,

I got a baseball autographed by Bernie Goetz.

I got a bunch of child husbands.

I got a compound. I wrote my scripture.

I got a compound. I wrote my scripture.

I got a full course load, and I'm, like, working two jobs.

I got a good thing going

I got a lot more to say...

I got a new face

I got a task too.

I got all dressed up

I got back on the bus, yo!

I got caught up in the Carter era peanut craze

I got it. I got it.

I got it. No, I got it.

I got keys in different area trees.

I got to blow it all up.

I got to break up with him. It's getting too dangerous.

I got to do better.

I got to get on with my life like an adult,

I got to get patted down by the guy,

I got to get that dumb ginger to vote for...

I got to go back and fix this.

I got to go lie down.

I got to let it out, girl!

I got to lock this relationship down.

I got to, um...

I got two rules here, pal.

I got you paid, I used my connections

I got your texts, Goodman.

I gotta go talk to Artie!

I gotta warn you, these are "Child Beauty Pageant" strength.

I grabbed her hair at a high school basketball game.

I grabbed the wrong bag, Flouncy.

I grew up near here in North Dogsnout.

I grew up poor, right here in the city.

I guess I could ask Andy to be on Real Housewives of Potomac.

I guess I don't have a choice.

I guess I have made a name for myself

I guess I wanted to prove I could move on after Mikey,

I guess I'll just stay right here and read about...

I guess I'll play the lottery now and win.

I guess jet packs are next.

I guess they killed another Eli Manning.

I guess you forced my hand.

I had inadvertently poisoned 220 people,

I had no idea.

I had sex with your grandmother's ghost.

I had to join a Muslim gang and a white power gang.

I had, like, a far out idea for the new Gordon...

I hate change,

I hate my family, and I hate that stupid crest.

I hate the Internet!

I have a bunch of career aptitude tests

I have a cold, and Kimmy went to get me medicine,

I have a Lillian task for you.

I have a misprogrammed Teddy Ruxpin that does that.

I have a one year old daughter.

I have a rep to protect, though.

I have an arrangement to finish. Can this wait?

I have been pooping or whatever, maintain the mystery

I have ferrets at home!

I have five pairs of shoes.

I have Iktomi the spider on my side,

I have just one question.

I have performed my humanitarian act for today.

I have to clean up the mess.

I have to go pick up my son's anti spazz suppositories.

I have to go to the airport to pick up Jorqueline.

I have to go to the Benedict Arnold Club dressed like this?

I have to leave before the storm hits.

I haven't been able to stop anything.

I haven't been spoken to that way since that time I went to the post office.

I haven't been this proud of you

I haven't been to church since I was 12 years old.

I haven't been with anybody nice since my husband died.

I haven't been with anybody since my wife died.

I haven't finished the test.

I haven't had a bathroom situation this good

I haven't seen you since since Reg was named Transportation Secretary

I haven't sung lead vocals since Luther Vandross

I hear the bathrooms in Canada are real nice

I heard he had the Al Roker procedure,

I heard that's what broke Terrence Howard.

I hope I can pull off this fight, Russ.

I hope I'm dressed okay.

I hope it does. I hope it does.

I hope it still works.

I hope so; those shoes are genuine white faced capuchin.

I hope Titus is feeling better.

I hope you enjoyed the gift baské.

I host regular soirées for the students,

I humbled myself and joined the saddest

I I don't think we have a crossing guard program.

I I have too many.

I I'm like Fonzie to those kids.

I insist on it.

I just assumed we were in Dallas... or Houston.

I just do not care about politics, Gordy.

I just don't have the range for it.

I just don't know how to talk about it.

I just don't know what job a 30 14 year old

I just don't want that to happen to you.

I just dropped out of school.

I just go where BunCo tells me,

I just got a text!

I just love walking wherever I want, don't you?

I just mean he keeps his private life private.

I just mean this choir couldn't land on a key

I just need a box of...

I just need to dump out again.

I just need to get near him!

I just need to get some mouthwash.

I just rocked an old man's bones

I just said truck.

I just searched "Cowabunga Lifestyle" on Spotify.

I just think you need to know some things

I just think, in some ways, this was the culmination of a personal journey.

I just thought the two of you could get together sometime and...

I just wanna bend him over a chair and

I just want it, okay?

I just want the recipe.

I just want to be in charge of my own life like a grown up.

I just want to turn a condemned chicken slaughterhouse

I just want to watch Beaches and drink rosé

I just wanted to give you this necklace back.

I just wanted to return the stuff you left at my place.

I just wish we'd figured that out before they put the cast on him.

I keep thinking I see you from behind,

I killed another man in my bedroom.

I knew I'd be fired, blacklisted,

I knew it!

I knew this was a bad idea, Titus.

I knew this was gonna happen. You do one thing, they start crying.

I knew you guys would give me the answer I wanted.

I knew you'd know it was Biz Markie.

I know 'cause I'm also in the drug biz.

I know a gentleman with a printer machine.

I know how weak you are in the face of adversity,

I know I could.

I know I don't look it,

I know I have a certain effect on men.

I know I have to do this.

I know I said I didn't want them in my life,

I know I'm not supposed to ask questions about your bedroom noises,

I know I've made mistakes,

I know it seems like you're just having fun,

I know it sounds paranoid,

I know it's hard, but you're so lucky, Xan.

I know it's not a fairy tale romance.

I know it's you, Lillian. I recognize your perfume.

I know more about than you.

I know that sharing my story might help

I know that's funny, but I don't know why.

I know the rules don't apply to you, Xan,

I know this is way off your route.

I know what I saw.

I know what I'm gonna be.

I know what you did!

I know you are...

I know you can't change people.

I know you got your start on Sesame Street...

I know you need the money, but you'll find another way,

I know you won't.

I know you're sitting. Sit again.

I know,

I know, right?

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. And I'm trying.

I know. Because my brothers...

I know. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

I know. I'm sorry.

I know. It's like being at a party in the '80s.

I know. Mom's a dog now.

I know. Poor little guy swam right into my oar.

I know. Regressive...

I know. They tormented you.

I learned that from a pop up book that I did not end up purchasing.

I left my scarf in the bathroom.

I let a dog in here.

I let you get away with a lot, mister.

I let you propose to me in the park so people will clap at you.

I like a dainty hand, Kimmy.

I like it how the rest of the mall is closed.

I like this!

I look like a hooker.

I love a slide. Oof. Ugh.

I love all the music

I love church!

I love the day after Valentine's Day.

I love to travel.

I love you, Dad!

I love you, too.

I love your curiosity.

I loves my vending machine Cup O' Clams.

I made promises.

I made that mistake once.

I make that sound a lot 'cause no one will high five me.

I may have sent in an audition tape for Real Housewives of New York.

I mean

I mean you're Cork Rockingham?

I mean, cool, cool. The '70s...

I mean, even our wives are in it for the money,

I mean, have you seen what they did to Strawberry Shortcake?

I mean, he's half girl.

I mean, honestly, Claus, at least work out.

I mean, I lost them. Shut up!

I mean, I would never speak about another woman that way.

I mean, I'm sorry, but has he ever beaten you at sex?

I mean, if I weren't a woman...

I mean, if you like this guy,

I mean, it never even occurred to me that you could play video games with a guy

I mean, Kimmy! Go, Kimmy!

I mean, look at dogs: they help the blind

I mean, look at you.

I mean, me... on Lappy!

I mean, obviously, you don't want Duke to have it.

I mean, Reuben.

I mean, right now, I'm standing

I mean, Robert Moses is great,

I mean, that could be too much of a good thing.

I mean, these pages look blank to me.

I mean, they're just kids.

I mean, until just now.

I mean, watch me.

I mean, where's the jingle?

I mean, who said that?

I mean, why do we have to keep them safe?

I mean, you can't spell "funker" without fun games,

I mean, you could say being a mom is a job, but not the way I do it!

I mean, you might die, and the waiting room only has Redbook.

I mean, you want your kids

I mean, you're basically a talking traffic cone.

I mean, you've got... boats.

I mean...

I meant it when I said I only wanted good people in my bunker.

I meant Orson's guest.

I meant to bring Lappy for you.

I met Michael Jordan at a party once,

I met this hot black guy

I miss Russ so much

I must not be explaining it right.

I myself smoke the devil's weed.

I nailed it, by the way.

I need a blanket!

I need a little hair of the dog.

I need a standard five year boom box tune up

I need it for my Twitter war with the other Titus Andromedon.

I need my Kimmy.

I need my Stix!

I need someone with your emotional intelligence.

I need to bathroom.

I need to do the ice bucket challenge!

I need to go tub again!

I need to make plops.

I need to pick samples.

I need to speak to Linda in HR.

I need to take a semester off, maybe in Greece,

I need to take a walk.

I need water!

I need you here to keep me away from him.

I need you to sing The Star Spangled Banner

I need you, Lillian.

I need your help, but I am not your friend.

I need your help.

I need your help.

I never black out.

I never should have doubted you, bro.

I never told you to kidnap a bunch of boys.

I never want to eat crow meat again.

I never would have gotten out.

I no longer have an icicle.

I only teach men.

I originally came here to study accounting,

I overstand.

I picked up that gift at Christie's.

I probably have

I promised I wouldn't do this,

I pronounce you Superman and wife!

I put my mittens on before my jacket.

I ran like an animal,

I ran out of minutes trying to win this radio contest.

I realized this is all my fault

I realized today that it's not just about how I want to die

I really feel like people are gonna expect a vest.

I really want you to meet her, hmm?

I recently read a really interesting quote

I regularly judge a student film competition.

I remember that show.

I said I would come back with $16,000 in my pocket

I said I'd do anything to make your family happy,

I said no throwing!

I said, "I want chocolate."

I sanded mine off after the Lufthansa heist,

I saw an ad on the side of a bus for a new show

I saw Clara steal a coat from the clothing drive.

I saw the South Doggypaws subway station.

I saw you gobble those papers, Kimbulimia,

I saw you, Jasper!

I say the highest and hardest glass ceiling is the NFL.

I say, "Hell, nay."

I see we have a new face in the room.

I see what's happening here.

I shot him that night.

I should be a guidance counselor bather.

I should be living my life,

I should go throw this key in the river right now.

I should have warned you that that's how I tend to leave boats.

I should let the babysitter go.

I should never have listened to those girls.

I should probably go.

I should share it, even if it hurts bad.

I should share it, even if it hurts bad.

I should've bought you one of those sexy clear belts I saw at Christie's.

I shouldn't have taken that Viagra.

I sign these stupid divorce papers, and I'm done with the Reverend forever.

I signed up for JDate, Christian Mingle, and what turned out to be

I slept on a cot next to a towel shaped like a swan

I spend 80% of my day making sandwiches,

I spent one day taking care of my acquaintemy Mimi Kanassis,

I spent the last 24 hours on the phone with that sicko

I sprayed them until the bottle was empty,

I stole wine.

I sure hope you came here to step up and do the right thing.

I swear I had him in the car a...

I swear, babe, on my Pupazza's Ping Pong ball eyes,

I take it apart and put it back together every couple hours.

I take offense at your using that word.

I talked last

I teach creative writing at prisons around the country.

I think he's crying.

I think I know more about cruises than you do.

I think it was meant to be sarcastic. Remember, his people were *******.

I think it was part of the car.

I think it's coming from your bathroom.

I think it's great that we have a loving, consensual relationship in our bunker,

I think she bought it.

I think she broke my back.

I think she's just crying because of the tear gas.

I think they're gonna make me leave.

I think we should get to vote.

I thought all parts of the buffet were unlimited!

I thought burpees were just baby burps,

I thought I'd found a safe place here.

I thought I'd never get married again after Roland died.

I thought it was a Edible Arrangement. I don't have a lot of fruit experience.

I thought it was named after the guy from that song.

I thought meth was supposed to make you fast.

I thought she was buried with this.

I thought teachers just lived at school.

I thought that was great, man.

I thought that was just for rich kids and only the very best clowns.

I thought the cruise wasn't over for another two months.

I thought the dean was making it up so I'd feel better,

I thought the tip was included!

I thought you knew that stuff was out there.

I thought you turning into a hottie with a body, trademark Titus,

I thought you were a pile of dirty clothes.

I thought you were my friend.

I thought you were my friend.

I told her I'd be a guest on it.

I told myself I would do anything to get this gig,

I told them to draw an X on the front.

I told you I had strong thumbs.

I told you I won't betray Russ.

I told you to stop calling me.

I took a test, and it said I was gonna be a crossing guard, so...

I took one of these in high school, and it said

I took one of those in high school, and it told me to become a mannequin.

I took one when I was in high school.

I took this from the trash at Jacqueline's while I was throwing up raw turkey.

I touched a deer.

I track your phone, girl,

I tried to change.

I tried to sleep. I tried to die.

I tried to stall,

I tried to tie a real bow tie, but this is just a baby's headband.

I used too big a rock!

I used up all my minutes for this!

I waited half an hour and returned to her dressing room,

I wanna help, but I just started bumping that stuff down the old Google.

I wanna take a river cruise with you and a bunch of other couples

I want it because Russ has it.

I want to learn how to really think.

I want to meet Shaq!

I want to steal your youth.

I want to tell you some things I found out

I want to thank you all for being here tonight,

I want you to meet an old friend of mine.

I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day the kiss.

I wanted to donate a car to kids.

I wanted to get as far away from this place as possible.

I wanted to go to school in California.

I wanted to meet Trace Adkins

I wanted to update you on your academic probation.

I was asked out by a hideous but very wealthy man

I was at pains to understand what you were thinking, Xanthippe.

I was born in a hospital that was technically part of a Sears.

I was contractually obligated to help during a medical emergency,

I was eating hair sandwiches in the bunker.

I was forced to buy gum.

I was gonna shower Mikey with gifts.

I was hired as a swing member of the cast.

I was hired by someone named Paige to put some furniture together.

I was hoping it was just some jelly,

I was humiliated.

I was in the attic because I was hiding from my family.

I was just admiring baby... Linda

I was just walking my definitely not rented peacock,

I was kind of counting on you to

I was linebacker at St. Albans School for Boys and Their Nannies.

I was lost, but you pulled me into your heart,

I was not at my best.

I was on that lifeboat for I don't know how many days,

I was running it out of my dorm room,

I was so impressed by a recent paper of his,

I was surprising you!

I was the only survivor of that shoot.

I was the talk of the midnight buffet,

I was trying to explain utilitarianism to my friends...

I was trying to fix you,

I was worried about you.

I was worried no one from class would show up to my party,

I was your first alibi.

I wasn't at a wedding last weekend.

I wasn't trying to enter the caption contest.

I went back to Vietnam in the early '80s

I went on

I went to a store with my friend earlier.

I went to Fire Island, and it was wild.

I went to Haiti to have voodoo done on a bunch of youse.

I went to the gas station to use the bathroom,

I will be late, because a bunch of us

I will need all my Afro centric bedspreads.

I will not be all, "Wait

I will not be making you over for a dance,

I will picture a blurry lady...

I will see you later on in Heaven for paintball.

I will win you back.

I will, but not because you said so.

I wish I had gotten my degree.

I wish I had gotten my degree.

I wish our marriage was as fake as the Tooth Fairy or magnets.

I wish she hadn't said that.

I wish that fancy grocery store would open already.

I wish this neighborhood had enough grass to support snakes.

I won a Digie for my sweet tweets.

I won't betray Russ.

I wonder what shiny thing she's off to snatch there.

I wonder why I'm here.

I work in finance,

I work right around the corner from your apartment.

I would destroy you.

I would die to come here!

I would go and see him right now.

I would have never met you.

I would have thought a guy with a baby would freak you out.

I would run and get them for her

I would sit at her feet, taking in her wisdom,

I, for one, hope we both live to see it.

I, myself, have two graduate degrees.

I'd also love to buy your shoes, you know, if you've ever worn them without socks.

I'd be eating real mayonnaise with a metal spoon.

I'd buy that jersey just to support bath taking.

I'd get to sing with celebrities,

I'd go to a Lincoln dealership.

I'd like to be buried with as many of my things as possible.

I'd like to introduce you to Linda.

I'd like to open a bank account because of money.

I'd love to

I'd say hello, Titus, but I'm saving my voice

I'd watch The Robin Byrd Show and...

I'll agree to put on one item of your clothing

I'll be fine.

I'll be on the stoop,

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right in.

I'll be right there

I'll be there as soon as I figure out my costume.

I'll be there for pickup. Buckley's father is dropping him off.

I'll be your pet.

I'll be your pet. I'll go wherever you want.

I'll come on Reflections.

I'll come with, 'cause Kimmy and I are friends.

I'll do what I can.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll do whatever you want, and we'll be together forever.

I'll do whatever you want!

I'll do whatever you want.

I'll do you one better.

I'll give the signal, and you start the fight.

I'll gladly donate Kimmy's

I'll go down there tomorrow after my talk at the Whitney.

I'll go to the zoo with you.

I'll go wherever you want, and we'll be together forever.

I'll have a water, two sugars.

I'll have to go back to working the booth for SafetyTube.

I'll just do some vocal exercises I learned on a gig years ago.

I'll just get another set of documents...

I'll just give you double insulin tomorrow.

I'll keep treating her like she's white.

I'll let you open the tapes.

I'll love him no matter what.

I'll make it for you anytime you want.

I'll need to see a valid ID.

I'll never forget the day

I'll never forget the Post cover.

I'll never make it up there in time.

I'll remember which brand of condom I liked so much.

I'll run like the wind.

I'll stab him in the eye and drive it into his brain!

I'll take what I can get, sir.

I'll take you to church tonight. It's Good Friday

I'll wear jeans.

I'll... see him tomorrow?

I'm I'm waiting for her.

I'm a felon, too.

I'm a felon.

I'm a feminist.

I'm a fourth generation hole watcher.

I'm a good person, Kimmy.

I'm a gossip... and a scold.

I'm a honey badger from way back.

I'm a moral fetus, Kim.

I'm a preferred customer

I'm a professor of religious symbology,

I'm a star on the rise!

I'm a stranger. Xan who?

I'm a villain, Kimmy.

I'm a white man. We always win.

I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing,

I'm always happy to meet someone who won't remember me.

I'm applying to Robert Moses College

I'm being punished for what I did on that cruise.

I'm better than you! Father.

I'm calling Dean Cain,

I'm calling the White Widow.

I'm chief meteorologist Drench Thunderman

I'm cool, okay?

I'm Cyndee Pokorny.

I'm doing what any reasonable person would do in this situation.

I'm done being a kept woman,

I'm done sponging off of other people.

I'm dropping out of Columbia, my choice.

I'm extremely nerd with it.

I'm fine with that, because I'm not that kid anymore.

I'm Fitzgibbons Munrunney.

I'm getting too old for my bed full of stuffed animals.

I'm glad we didn't ghost or goatsing each other.

I'm glad you asked, Kimmy. I found him. Me.

I'm glad you brought up your classwork.

I'm glad you mentioned your love of magic.

I'm going back in.

I'm going back to the chorus, singing group lines

I'm going to an exercise class in a park tomorrow morning.

I'm going to kill him!

I'm going to Scandinavia with or without you.

I'm going to school for crossing guarding!

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm gon' be like Naomi and go to bingo.

I'm gonna build a bomb. Give me ten minutes.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna exercise like those morons in that Olympic show.

I'm gonna fight you every step of the way!

I'm gonna finish it like a man.

I'm gonna fix you!

I'm gonna fix you.

I'm gonna go down to the police station

I'm gonna go now.

I'm gonna go out in a blaze of glory like all the greats...

I'm gonna go to college!

I'm gonna go to town on some hot D.

I'm gonna hide in here in case you need me

I'm gonna let you buy me a congratulations steak.

I'm gonna miss you so much, Lillian's friend.

I'm gonna perform a victorious scarf flip

I'm gonna see how it goes tonight with Reuben and...

I'm gonna show those fat cat politicians who's boss!

I'm gonna take a half a point off.

I'm gonna talk our way out of this.

I'm gonna turn around

I'm having a dinner party ce soir.

I'm having a dinner party,

I'm having a sense memory of my own birth...

I'm her twin sister, Jorqueline,

I'm here because Xan is my friend.

I'm here for you, Mimi.

I'm here to clean up my son's mess,

I'm here to do your thing.

I'm here with your updated divorce settlement

I'm here with your updated divorce settlement

I'm hiding an icicle in my butt!

I'm hiding in the bathroom because my brother in law is here,

I'm in control for once.

I'm in control now.

I'm in such pain!

I'm in the paper.

I'm just a wealthy lawyer who became hot while he was in a coma.

I'm just being my hilarious self

I'm just building a... a, um, pie

I'm just doing what you told me to do.

I'm just gettin' started!

I'm just getting over a case of athlete's palm.

I'm just going in to record a couple radio spots.

I'm just happy to have you back.

I'm just hopeless without Russ.

I'm just making an educated guess about you,

I'm just not strong enough for this.

I'm just picking up snacks and Gonzo Noses.

I'm just saying

I'm just saying this isn't working. You're miserable.

I'm just saying, at some point...

I'm just saying, you're in charge of your life.

I'm just the baddest bitch in the game.

I'm just worried.

I'm kicking me out of here!

I'm Kimmy. This is Cyndee.

I'm kind of in the middle of something.

I'm kind of relieved that the power's out.

I'm Lemonading.

I'm like Highlander!

I'm not a baby.

I'm not a big reader

I'm not being crazy?

I'm not doing anything,

I'm not going down in history as a joke,

I'm not gonna Oh, come on!

I'm not gonna buy a heart.

I'm not gonna do that, Xan.

I'm not great at tests.

I'm not Jacqueline.

I'm not letting Perry go through what I went through,

I'm not letting the first female cult leader ever...

I'm not letting the first female cult leader...

I'm not letting you just throw your life away.

I'm not looking for a whole to do here.

I'm not overreacting.

I'm not ready to meet Jeepers!

I'm not really tired.

I'm not signing these.

I'm not signing!

I'm not stuck in the past. I just hate the present.

I'm not stupid, Titus.

I'm not supposed to die this way

I'm not sure we missed anything.

I'm not sure you're a good person.

I'm not Tony Ravioli.

I'm on day two, Whole30.

I'm on the news.

I'm pretty sure that Richard is still writing two of his sex pen pals.

I'm ready.

I'm really happy for you.

I'm saving those to make soup.

I'm saying we're the same.

I'm signing you up for TaskRabbit.

I'm so confused, Lillian.

I'm so embarrassed, Russ.

I'm so excited to say that here,

I'm so excited.

I'm so hungry.

I'm so mad at you, then throw your drink at me!

I'm so sorry, Dad

I'm so upset, I'm not sure that's my name, Jacqueline!

I'm sorry I didn't get to apologize properly...

I'm sorry, but if you're gonna remember

I'm sorry, dear. It's just politics.

I'm sorry, dear. It's just politics.

I'm sorry, Duke, but I can't give you the recipe,

I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what that is.

I'm sorry, who is this?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I get a little carried away.

I'm sorry. I get a little carried away.

I'm sorry. Something came up.

I'm sorry. That stinks on ice.

I'm sorry. What is this?

I'm starting to feel land sick again.

I'm still tweaking it.

I'm supposed to be at Reuben's before this sweats off

I'm sure he needed it more than me, and the universe will pay me back,

I'm sure your wife is with you for more than just your money.

I'm taking "Power, Gender, and Marginalization

I'm taking Mandarin this semester.

I'm taking you home.

I'm telling you, this bear killed someone and took over his life!

I'm terribly sorry, but I said my thing first.

I'm the fastest.

I'm the one that called the FBI,

I'm the one who decided we were over cake pops.

I'm the one who decided we were over cake pops.

I'm the one who feels amazing!

I'm the one who has the life insurance policy on him

I'm the only girl who goes to my barber.

I'm the Skipster.

I'm transferring to Columbia next semester.

I'm trying to do the same thing,

I'm trying to find my old therapist.

I'm unarmed, except for the arms I was born with,

I'm very hands on.

I'm very hands on.

I'm watching Mikey to find the right time

I'm Wendy Hebert.

I'm Wendy Hebert.

I'm white.

I'm worried I'm not being a good enough person.

I'm worried she won't go back together again.

I'm... Flouncy.

I've asked you not to call me that.

I've become an old man,

I've been asked to sing lead vocals

I've been cheating on M'diet.

I've been filling my days with the most awful things.

I've been reading up on your family's culture,

I've been smooshing his picture to try to get a sense

I've been taking a supplement for years.

I've been trying to hit that for years.

I've been up all night processing this in my own way.

I've fallen asleep on eggs.

I've got a bunker to build.

I've got a city to save.

I've got a hot slot in the schedule before Keith Hernandez tries stand up

I've got a hot slot in the schedule before Keith Hernandez tries stand up

I've got to warn people that he's just a liar with amazing teeth.

I've just been waiting for him,

I've known lots of people who've had babies.

I've never been good at bye byes.

I've never been mean before

I've never been to a fancy dinner before.

I've never taken care of anyone in my entire life.

I've ruined every opportunity I've ever been given.

I've still got a bomb.

If a stranger comes into my home

If he sees me come in, at some point, he's gonna start to wonder where I went,

If he wasn't my son, perhaps I'd be dating him.

If he's the lead, who else is in this choir?

If I didn't pay her, which I still have not done.

If I get caught, I'm not going down alone.

If I get fired from BunCo,

If I get this guy going on one of his rants,

If I really would do anything for Mikey,

If I wanted to see a bunch of naked animals,

If I'm gonna have my picture in a gas station,

If I'm not mistaken, today is the 15th.

If it goes to the left, it runs over a businessman.

If it goes to the right, it runs over five little kids

If it was a seaplane in South Florida.

If it's not about me being a woman,

If Kimmy was here right now,

If Linda fills her purse with the SlimFast,

If me and Artie is forever,

If Noel Coward really was a coward who ****s everybody.

If only those rats who stole three of my best wigs

If Paulie finds that scarf, he has proof.

If Russ needs any organs,

If she gets me kicked out of the congregation before I get the chance?

If she loves us,

If Steve Harvey had given up, do you think

If that ever got out...

If there are no objections, this concludes

If they choose dare, dare them to change the name.

If they go truth, tell them you're Native American

If this yuppie bitch and her yuppie boyfriend

If we don't dress like this, what are we saying?

If we only see each other one hour a week,

If you are allergic to any of the vegetables

If you dissolve a Urethrex in sizzurp

If you fail the semester, you will have to leave Columbia.

If you find the recipe, let us know.

If you follow my meaning.

If you get stuck, try "Tallahassee."

If you give love to the world, you'll get twice the love back.

If you liked me so much, why didn't you hire me?

If you must know,

If you must know,

If you pushed Russ in front of that car...

If you put on one of mine.

If you really think it's a good idea.

If you really want to.

If you think I'm gonna throw away decades of tradition

If you use your imagination,

If you want something,

If you weren't in Bumbledick, New Jersey,

If you're a cop, you have to tell me.

If you're gonna talk about a charity,

If you've got a bunker, get in it and lock the hatch.

Ignoring this

Iktomi farted.

Iktomi? You don't want him on your side.

Iktomi.

Imagine there's music.

Imagine you're biting into a delicious stick of butter

Immigration, public breastfeeding,

In a BunCo bunker,

In a few weeks, we'll be philosophy buddies.

In a good old fashioned bus accident!

In a moment,

In a second!

In a vat somewhere in a lab

In Contemporary Yogurt Commercials" this semester.

In exchange for money.

In fact, Dr. Moreau thinks

In fact, you might say

In fact, you're the second most privileged student in your class

In front of Mikey, but now I'm a $15,000 aire

In front of your cool new friends?

In front of your roommates,

In front of, like, all these people?

In hour five of our telethon,

In Indiana, I used to babysit a little girl named Detlef Schrempf.

In just sickness, I guess?

In light of that,

In my head, I changed it to pizza. Can I do that?

In my previous relationships

In Namibia, women kept trying to put me on their heads and take me to the river.

In order to become the Buddha.

In philosophy, we've been learning

In Riverside Park at 78th Street,

In rural Pennsylvania.

In television's current golden age.

In the '70s, we called it rain.

In the Bermuda Triangle.

In the explosion, he saw the face of a childhood friend

In the hopes of finding

In the men's shelter next door.

In the morning, you write "Psych!" on her mirror

In the real world, there'd just be this, like, pile of organs.

In the style of Seinfeld,

In the winter?

In this very public place with many witnesses,

In your mouth.

In your sexual tapestry.

In!

Ina, Até...

Including my ability to make up catchphrases at will

Increasingly special to us.

Instead of a messed up story about a handyman

Instead of being raccoon.

Instead she took apart my will to live."

Into a grocery store.

Into the 21st century by rapping them.

Is a better murderer than the one last night.

Is a big part of who you are, and I don't want to lose him.

Is a hate crime?

Is actually necessary to act morally,

Is an overactive bladder the boss of you?

Is because he's rich.

Is because I don't think we should see each other..

Is being in it.

Is being taken advantage of!

Is Chuck Schumer eating soup in here?

Is Columbia better than here?

Is Cork even your real name?

Is everything okay?

Is he behind me?

Is it a Zune?

Is it called She lumbia?

Is it Octonauts?

Is it okay if I say "bunker," Kimmy?

Is it okay with them?

Is it to impress that Deirdre lady?

Is it weird that we have to buy our food from a place

Is it weird?

Is it your pants?

Is just one theory.

Is made entirely of cashews?

Is not a strip club?

Is providing affordable dental care

Is she married to that?

Is she wearing a bathing suit?

Is that funny?

Is that my phone?

Is that what "top" means?

Is that why you were so nice about the garbage can?

Is that why your friend is here with a bag of wigs?

Is the most promising student in my seminar.

Is the name of my band.

Is there any chance I can come

Is there something educational you two want to watch?

Is this a dream? Are there people in the room?

Is this about the money I owe?

Is this building even here?

Is this still the plan?

Is this the end of the world?

Is this the guy whose mouth is softer than your kissing potato?

Is this too Egyptian for a Seder?

Is to get exposure for a very important charity.

Is using the bathroom without me knowing it.

Is what brought us together in the first place.

Is when I wear shoes on my knees

Is where the horse Bianca Jagger rode into Studio 54

Is your overactive bladder acting like a gay black diva?

Isabellica Delmonicos.

Isn't that what Old Navy's for?

Isn't this exactly the kind of stuff you're trying to do?

It affects our lives!

It better not be M E S S I N G around.

It could be a unicorn, if you want.

It doesn't even have to be a donkey.

It doesn't mean you're not talented.

It ends now!

It gives me a chance to get to know the woman

It had a bear on the box,

It is always me, me, me, me.

It is on.

It is us against the world every time.

It is?

It looked like a shell.

It may not be today or tomorrow

It needs to be for, like,

It pushed down my debate championship.

It said I should be a crossing guard.

It said I should be a unlicensed barber

It says you have scurvy

It seems like just yesterday

It sounds like a Noel Coward play!

It stinks like puberty out there.

It takes five guys to watch a hole.

It teaches you how to really think.

It was a McDonald's PlayPlace where I was hiding from some teenagers.

It was brand new in the plastic and everything.

It was cheese!

It was exhilarating.

It was in a dream, and that sexy mouse was being very sarcastic.

It was invented by men to avoid dealing with stuff.

It was invented by nerds, and you know how they are.

It was just a lie

It was just hats!

It was me...

It was my tooth.

It was your idea.

It wasn't butter.

It wasn't my idea.

It will once I get better at drawing ears!

It worked, Lillian.

It works on two levels, Lillian.

It!

It'd be great to carry on the tradition at the party.

It'll be for a good reason, like I'm sick and the community is raising money

It's You're up first.

It's 'cause of the jets I do that.

It's 9:00.

It's a bathroom.

It's a bus pass. It's a key. It's a hammer.

It's a fox shell. Fasciolaria t****zium

It's a lie, it stinks,

It's a little weird for a baby.

It's a lot to take in

It's a magazine that Flash and I use

It's a mandate!

It's a parable about free will.

It's a psychosexual chess match.

It's a real Lindas' club.

It's a star!

It's a stranger.

It's a whole thing.

It's a...

It's about how good the food was.

It's about how I want to live.

It's about time you called.

It's about your future.

It's actually our three month anniversary.

It's actually pronounced "Leenda,"

It's actually Ricky Ann Sprinkles.

It's after two? I'll be late to pick up Buckley.

It's all about doing what you can to maximize the good, right?

It's all about doing what you can to maximize the good, right?

It's all going in my college fund.

It's all just random and terrible.

It's all just to impress you.

It's all lies!

It's an old pirate's disease that comes from not eating

It's awful.

It's bad enough that everyone can just look me up on the Internet,

It's because he made people mad,

It's because I have an obligation to help people

It's been an honor.

It's called "double Dutching," and everyone loves it.

It's called "Move On, Baby,

It's called exposure therapy, and it works.

It's called Kimmy.

It's called Profiles.

It's called progress.

It's called The Next Time I See You by Rick Wayne.

It's called... the Javits Center.

It's changing too fast

It's deplorable.

It's disgusting in there.

It's easier if I just do it.

It's either a car

It's even more alcoholic than beer.

It's finally happening

It's free!

It's fruit flavored.

It's gonna be epic!

It's gonna be fun.

It's gonna be incredible, and everyone knows it

It's gonna be so quiet.

It's good to know that we're neighbors,

It's got to be him.

It's hard enough for me to trust people,

It's holding you back.

It's in the Book.

It's just an inferior product.

It's just one of the many small ways in which I am stronger than Beyoncé.

It's just that I've only been called "the talent" once before.

It's just, like, someone swiped my recumbent bicycle.

It's just, Native Americans are such a tiny minority.

It's just, that weird,

It's just, you know how you always said in the bunker

It's just... every time there's a family gathering,

It's just... I want to apologize to Perry.

It's keeping me alive,

It's kind of a big deal for a first year, and I was hoping that you'd come on

It's kind of a Hodor situation.

It's kind of sophisticated if you think about it.

It's like at a motel when they put that piece of paper across the toilet seat.

It's like Christmas in whatever month this is.

It's like I'm 16 again living in a town

It's like I'm talking, but she's not listening.

It's like if I made money off brunettes.

It's like Pastor Denise said.

It's like someone flipped over

It's like the worm, but you're on your side.

It's like you're rowing a boat!

It's my time now!

It's none of your business.

It's not a big deal.

It's not a contest, Lillian.

It's not a great paper.

It's not a supermarket, but they do serve wings.

It's not as interesting as she thinks it is.

It's not easy to get people to care about this little fella

It's not fair.

It's not fair. Russ is hot.

It's not funny.

It's not gonna happen.

It's not hammer time!

It's not just about Fried Chicken Night, man.

It's not that easy, Cyndee.

It's not the same without Titus, though, is it?

It's not the skipping

It's not weird that their teeth get pushed out of their heads by other teeth.

It's not what it looks like!

It's okay if you got fired.

It's okay. I look hotter wet.

It's okay. You're gonna be okay.

It's on my phone in my pocket.

It's only because these heels are not meant to be worn standing up.

It's only been one week since I let Mikey go, Kimmy.

It's Orson Snyder's 75th birthday.

It's part of the dot com boom.

It's part of why I got into philosophy.

It's part of why I'm here.

It's payback 'cause you stole Hamilton from us.

It's prison rules, baby.

It's Richard Shakeer Mohammed.

It's ruining that woman's life,

It's shaped like an arrow.

It's silly, like...

It's so bad, I can't accomplish any of my goals.

It's so depressing here.

It's so funny.

It's so I can prove to Russ that nothing actually happened.

It's sort of a Mrs. Doubtfire situation.

It's still page one

It's stupid.

It's such a big dog for this small apartment.

It's Sunday. You're good.

It's that what I've been shouting at bus drivers

It's the barometric pressure.

It's the cowabunga lifestyle!

It's the day Jesus got nailed to a cross to slowly suffocate.

It's the fuzz. He's being carried by Paulie.

It's the Giants' off season party bus.

It's the name, okay? The name.

It's the trolley problem.

It's the two of us now.

It's time for me to run away again.

It's time for this unicorn to choose a cupcake.

It's time to double Dutch back in.

It's time to go, girl

It's time to go, girl

It's time to go, girl

It's time to go, girl!

It's time to go, girl.

It's time to go, girl.

It's time to go, girl.

It's time to go, girl.

It's time to go, girl.

It's time to put some pressure on the weak link.

It's time to stop, Mr. Dale Bortz

It's time, once again, for Jacqueline White

It's too late.

It's too much pressure

It's too small to be real, Cyndee.

It's what I'm agreeing to let you do to me.

It's your last chance, Chalker!

It's, like, all I talk about. "My boyfriend's on a cruise."

Jack in the Box, Hardee's, The Gap,

Jackie Lynn,

Jackpot!

Jacqueline has been filling me in on Operation Plan.

Jacqueline,

Jacqueline, can we go?

Jacqueline, can you look at these?

Jacqueline, how was that lobster roll?

Jacqueline, I don't know what looks more delicious,

Jacqueline, I had the most amazing dream.

Jacqueline, I had the most amazing dream.

Jacqueline, I have to sign those papers, right now.

Jacqueline, I really don't want to talk right now.

Jacqueline, I'm straight.

Jacqueline, it's it's the halo effect.

Jacqueline, Jacqueline, Jacqueline,

Jacqueline, Jacqueline, Jacqueline, Jacqueline!

Jacqueline, will you marry me?

Jacqueline, you need to tell him Homey don't play that.

Jacqueline, you're a good woman

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline!

Jacqueline! Did you know feminism is sexy now?

Jacqueline! Jeez! I didn't think you'd show up.

Jacqueline?

Jacqueline?

Jacqueline?

Jacqueline.

Jacqueline.

Jacqueline. My love.

Jacqueline's having a breakdown.

Japan, for example.

Jealous?

Jean Claude Van Damme.

Jeez, I just figured after two months,

Jeez. Are you okay?

Jeff and I are supposed to go to the batting cages today.

Jeff is just a buddy.

Jeff is just a friend.

Jeff?

Jeremiah Montague, a local plaque maker of some renown,

Jerfffs.

*******?

Jiffy Lube, Dick's, BJ's Wholesale!

Job code 69.

John Stuart Mill said

Joining me now is Tenafly's own Lea Michele,

Jooff is going to make his move,

Jorqueline!

Josie, FYI, your tits are all the way out.

Jug shack!

Julian tried to sneak in a clause in our divorce agreement

Just 'cause my clothes aren't as nice

Just 'cause their beef was raised on a farm

Just 'cause you came up with a hot ad campaign for walnuts.

Just a minute.

Just act like you don't want the gig.

Just act natural...

Just because he doesn't like you, he thinks he can abrogate your sexuality?

Just because I'm afraid I'm not as good as his dead wife,

Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's true,

Just because they went as the Reverend for Halloween.

Just come with us.

Just continue to lie there and not make any sounds at all.

Just don't let the wife find out about her, am I right?

Just don't make eye contact with Mara.

Just drink your go go juice.

Just fill them out!

Just FYI, this tour is only for prospective students.

Just getting to the Olympics makes me a winner.

Just good friends and great oldies.

Just how eager I was to leave the vaginal canal

Just in case Mara Mara's in the bushes.

Just initial where it says "uncontested"

Just like

Just like a straight woman and a straight man can't be friends.

Just like Reuben is forcing his baby to be a Linda

Just like you know who.

Just look at the election.

Just look it up.

Just macaroni and cheese?

Just need to lay down some backup vocals on a few tracks.

Just never reuse a dental dam or flip it over and use the other side.

Just one more to go.

Just picking up a new robe from the church office.

Just polishing my crown.

Just so you know, you're on speakerphone.

Just some luggage.

Just tell us what happened to you.

Just tell us who you voted for.

Just the part where people squeeze water into my mouth for me.

Just the sugar weeks.

Just to watch you die.

Just turn around. Maybe you won a boat ride.

Just...

Just... Richard and I were so anxious to get started

Kate or Rooney?

Keep up.

Key's no good if I can't use it.

Kill one person to save five.

Kill one to save many.

Killer bees,

Kim Jong ill!

Kimberly Cougar Schmidt,

Kimberly, if there's one thing I learned on that cruise,

Kimberly, Richard wants to marry me

Kimberly, use your key! I'm Lemonading!

Kimberly, Wendy's like a beautiful, rare Barbie

Kimmy comes by a lot,

Kimmy Schmidt is free, okay?

Kimmy thinks she could do it better than me.

Kimmy, even a state school costs $20,000...

Kimmy, focus.

Kimmy, get off of Bed jamin!

Kimmy, hold up.

Kimmy, I don't think I'm talking about nerds anymore.

Kimmy, I need to ask you for a favor, okay?

Kimmy, I'm tired of failing,

Kimmy, if I wanted to see old people get all worked up,

Kimmy, Kimmy.

Kimmy, that's the only thing you've ever said

Kimmy, this man put you through hell...

Kimmy, we got a problem.

Kimmy, we're aware that you've been through a lot.

Kimmy, what kind of tea was that?

Kimmy, you're a good kid.

Kimmy, you're gonna take me to the nearest Kinko's, okay?

Kimmy!

Kimmy!

Kimmy!

Kimmy!

Kimmy! If they keep doing that, I'm leaving!

Kimmy! Kimmy, there you are!

Kimmy?

Kimmy?

Kimmy?

Kimmy?

Kimmy? You gotta help me.

Kimmy.

Kimmy.

Kimmy. Hey.

Kimmy. Kimmy!

Kimmy's gone?

Kimmy's on TV.

Kimmy's phone.

Knock, knock.

Knock, knock.

Knowing that the Voorhees family used liquor

Knows nothing.

Kokomo. Flippy floppy. Donga.

Koontz, I need to talk to you about a special admission case.

Koresh, Jones, Knievel.

Kshew! Kshew!

Kudos to you. That's wonderful.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Lady, you're gonna pass out and break a hip.

Last looks.

Last month, I was implicated in a gas station bathroom fiasco

Last night I saw Mikey going into his apartment with another man!

Last night, in a particularly low moment,

Last time she was here,

Lead?

Leading her herd of bulls and calves miles across the baking Serengeti.

Leave me be

Leonora just made me touch some art that I did not want to.

Leonora?

Less...

Let go of me!

Let it out, girl!

Let me ask you a question. Who is all this for?

Let me find her.

Let me get some corn juice to baste them with.

Let me guess

Let me hear your 'bet.

Let me just email this to myself.

Let me just... Let me just make a call.

Let me tell you, sir, if I'd been kept

Let Wendy do Wendy, and you do you.

Let's ask 'em.

Let's do this!

Let's find a computer.

Let's get you and Russ married before God takes him.

Let's get you and Russ married before God takes him.

Let's go home, buddy.

Let's go to Drench...

Let's go, fellas!

Let's go.

Let's review each other's sexual consent forms.

Liar!

Liars and deceivers and jerkatrons have made a nest here,

Lieutenant Dan doesn't.

Life is not going great

Like like, I died but still had unfinished business here on Earth?

Like "chloresterol."

Like "orange juice with pulp" bad.

Like a British seaman.

Like a chandelier in Beauty and the Beast.

Like a Choose Your Own Adventure.

Like a family of ducks!

Like a middle aged lady sitting on a dryer at a singing laundromat!

Like a monkey in a lab coat

Like a son!

Like a Titus on prom night.

Like a toilet or your mouth. But still!

Like a toilet where you can lie down.

Like a woman.

Like Buridan's Ass.

Like cleaning your room or finishing your homework,

Like Dick Cheney had, but mine was replacing something.

Like drunk driving.

Like during your filibuster when you ranked ethnicities

Like Epcot or Mall of America.

Like go down these stairs.

Like grass.

Like how bangs always seem like a good idea,

Like how everybody laughed at Florence Allen,

Like how Hungry Man dinners are for when a man is hungry.

Like how Jesus knew Judas would betray him in the morning.

Like how when you forget the lyrics, you just say...

Like I win at everything:

Like I'm some Four Seasons hot tub attendant.

Like I'm that Muppet on Sesame Street whose dad is in jail.

Like it's nothing!

Like me with that cop's bullet?

Like Melania Trump or Mrs. Claus.

Like Meth Head Charlie and Pizza Rat.

Like Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney after they fought over that girl.

Like Miss Clara,

Like my heart, it's over there in a plastic bag full of rice, drying out.

Like my heart, it's over there in a plastic bag full of rice, drying out.

Like O.J. in that Hertz commercial.

Like one of those things that hang off plants.

Like Phylicia Rashad said on that poster in my middle school,

Like picking a bunch of board games out of the trash

Like Robert Langdon in The Da Vinci Code.

Like Siddhartha Gautama renouncing his father's kingdom

Like Space Jam!

Like that flamboyant boyfriend of yours.

Like that Kars4Kids commercial.

Like that World War II picture of the sailor assaulting a nurse.

Like the table at that magic show I took you to.

Like two Christian teens who signed an abstinence pledge,

Like two white ladies looking at a salad!

Like when I found that sock.

Like when Jamie Kennedy proposed to me?

Like when your mom says everything

Like where you got that nice coat.

Like Willy Wonka's Gobstoppers.

Like you did with "Close Talker"

Like you ruined your audition.

Like you said, I don't know her.

Like you were about to say.

Like you're so perfect.

Like your heart got pulled into the wheel well

Like your strong, chapped hands.

Like, "Did we really sleep together?"

Like, an Ivy League eight.

Like, even mine.

Like, if we became the Jacksonville Hillaries,

Like, if you see someone with no shoes, you should give them yours.

Like, in high school, being rich was cool.

Like, okay, so...

Like, what would you do to get the thing you want?

Like, when you're a baby, you love breast milk,

Likewise.

Lil' Stinkers, El Bandito Picante,

Lillian enters as Titus crosses to his bedroom

Lillian Kaushtupper.

Lillian Kaushtupper.

Lillian,

Lillian, can I stop being insane and get real for a second?

Lillian, I need your advice.

Lillian, I'm calling you because I know Kimmy

Lillian, modern technology can take care of all of that.

Lillian, there you are.

Lillian, this thing is gonna solve all your problems.

Lillian, you spent 40 years stuck in the past.

Lillian!

Lillian!

Lillian! We need to talk.

Lillian.

Lillian.

Lillian. It's fine.

Linda always says "Mondays" whenever she does an oopsie.

Linda, Kimmy!

Linda.

Linda's the baby.

Listen to me, Kimmy. Ladies like that are trouble.

Listen, honey, I believe you know my nephew, Reuben?

Listen, I can't just pick up and leave like that.

Listen, I know people will judge our relationship.

Listen, I want to order some fresh fruit.

Listen, I'm not like you. I don't care what people think.

Listen, sign the papers and get it back to me.

Listen, um, I'd invite you in,

Listen...

Lock her up!

Lock her up! Lock her up!

Lock her up! Lock her up!

Long time

Lonny Dufrene every morning before work.

Look around here, Mikey.

Look at Francis. I don't trust a man who spends that much time with birds.

Look at me now. I'm both!

Look at my new door opening strength.

Look at that!

Look at these people.

Look at what I found him.

Look away.

Look what I did for you today.

Look, after my divorce,

Look, Coriolanus...

Look, either explain to me how this is part

Look, elephants!

Look, honey.

Look, I can explain...

Look, I don't know who wrote my number on that overpass, but

Look, I don't want things to be awkward between us,

Look, I don't want to do Xan's show.

Look, I get that you want to look cool

Look, I had a bad time in a bunker once, and I want this one to be different.

Look, I haven't had a chance to sign that thing.

Look, I just need to talk to someone about the money you guys owe me.

Look, I just want my Russ back,

Look, I know, for you, this is a whole new world.

Look, I never went to college,

Look, I signed up yesterday, and I've been raking in cash.

Look, I'd like to do one more scene, if that's cool,

Look, I'm actually kind of glad you're here.

Look, I'm not sure about this.

Look, I'm one of the good guys.

Look, I've been through some stuff.

Look, if a trolley

Look, it's just something people do.

Look, Kimmy, I know you took a test or whatever,

Look, Kimmy, I'm not your enemy.

Look, man, I don't want any trouble.

Look, obviously, this is awkward.

Look, that's why I'm calling.

Look, the Internet has everyone's most embarrassing stuff on it,

Look, the only reason we're even here

Look, Titus, you've sung backup for me on over 40 albums today.

Look, what would you be doing right now

Look, you think I really want to be wasting my prison phone time on you?

Look, you were right.

Look! I found a new stomach muscle.

Look. I know I said I came here to apologize,

Looking like a sack full of other sacks.

Lookit, you want to stick through this together?

Looks like a skull.

Looks like I'm winning, Cork,

Looks like Paige wants me to assemble something...

Looks like someone is going to college.

Looks like we have a deal.

Lord, I too am weak.

Lort Jeebus.

Lost a little weight...

Love

Love it, Titus.

Lucifer is an Australian paper hound,

Lucifer, hush.

Lucifer!

M U M M I C...

Ma'am, please!

Ma'am, that bit doesn't work without some kind of partition.

Ma'am?

Magazine subscription.

Make it quick. I'm on a horse.

Man, I can't even imagine

Man, maybe you're the one that should have the prison nickname "Rude Dude."

Man, they've got some heads.

Man. You guys are so smart.

May I help you? We're trying to have a sexy evening here.

May I rely on your attendance?

May I see you in my office?

May I?

Maybe a bunker can be a good thing,

Maybe a live recording of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Maybe even arrested.

Maybe I could keep you company while you drive.

Maybe I let a bad person back in my life,

Maybe I should give Sandwich a real chance.

Maybe I should have fallen in love with him.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

Maybe I'll just happen by that construction site

Maybe if I hear the name,

Maybe if you get a little bigger, he could play one of your shows.

Maybe now I can finally catch that ghost.

Maybe someone she knows can help talk her out.

Maybe that had something to do with it, but...

Maybe that's why I love capes so much.

Maybe that's why I love technology.

Maybe the problem is that you're a Gretchen.

Maybe there's no such thing as real religion

Maybe they'd eat the spiders that are eating all the birds.

Maybe we can watch it next time you're in town.

Maybe we can watch it together sometime

Maybe when I'm done, thank you.

Maybe with one of the stars of the show.

Maybe you can see Russ at the hospital.

Maybe you're not book smart.

Maybe you're not lying.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Me and Zach found a bees' nest in the attic we want to throw them at.

Me either.

Me singing with that choir is like Michael Jordan playing basketball

Me too, obviously. Can't cage a bird.

Me too.

Me, fighting to keep this neighborhood terrible,

Me, I went to SUNY Old Paltz.

Me? No.

Me? You're the one pooping like a carriage horse.

Meaning I'm marrying Richard.

Meaning it gresses again, like, over and over.

Meanwhile, I've been a saint all year!

Meanwhile, this neighborhood is knee deep in poosi...

Meat Loaf, man.

Medical results, rejected Costco applications,

Meemaw?

Meh...

Memories are always better than it really was.

Men always want what they can't have.

Mentioned in Shakespeare, you will find

Messing with him was fun, but it was still him.

Michael Jackson's Artist of the Millennium award,

Michael?

Might help turn this bunker into a fun ker!

Mikey believed in me.

Mikey Michael Politano, stop it!

Mikey was going upstate with.

Mikey was wearing the date night outfit he wore on our first date.

Mikey, I have always loved your naïveté,

Mimi, you've got to take this.

Mimi.

Mine was learning that I'm smart

Mini Coopers shrink when they get wet.

Miss Clara, are you trying to set me up with Reuben?

Miss Clara, this is the greatest miracle to ever happen on Easter.

Miss Dionne took me under her wing.

Miss Dionne, I I don't know what to say.

Miss Marilyn Monroe come to town.

Miss Thing Say.

Miss Warwick made the mistake of going down the tube slide at the pool today.

Miss Warwick, I think we should cancel today's performances.

Mm hmm

Mm hmm, and also?

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm mm, I'm not into the whole "sharing economy."

Mm, I don't know.

Mm, Jeez.

Mm, music is very powerful.

Mm, nope.

Mm!

Mm!

Mm!

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. The part with the yogurt was scary.

Mm...

Mmm, now I'm eating pizza!

Mmm, num, num, num, num.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Isn't it fishy?

Mom, Dad, you're here!

Mom, she didn't say that!

Mom, what are you doing?

Mom, why?

Mommy, a girl thinks I'm not special.

Mondays!

Mondays...

Monica and Ross are brother and sister,

Monologue for the careful masturbator

More like Slutberry Slutskank.

More Vaseline?

Most test answers are Tallahassee.

Mostly catalogs.

Move it.

Moving on.

Moving things? Standing in line?

Mr. "I Fell Asleep on the Floor of The Frick."

Mr. Donnie Wahlberg gave up music superstardom

Mr. Fucillo.

Mr. Goodman, say something only an alive person would say.

Mr. Goodman, we already have

Mr. Gozer, would you turn on the TV?

Mr. Met meet and greet. DJ Fingablast is spinning.

Mr. Snyder is going to ask

Mrs. Wayne? Pfft!

Ms

Ms. Chalker mentioned that.

Ms. Kaushtupper, are you finished?

Ms. Kaushtupper, if you're trying to get me to give up,

Ms. Schmidt... FBI. We need your help.

Ms. White?

Ms. White?

Mud flaps with a sexy man on them.

Mummichog.

Must have fallen out of Santa's sleigh.

Must... stay... conscious.

Mwah. Mwah.

My apartment's so big, I can... Gosh dang it!

My associate will return the original key to you.

My bags! I left them here by the door.

My bathroom.

My beats were diagnosed with renal failure

My bedtime's when I say so.

My boyfriend is not an international basketball man.

My commitment to bringing people

My dad was a security guard at the Tootsie Roll factory...

My daughter, Linda.

My dog masseuse turned turntables turner.

My employees get health care.

My ex husband's job is crazy now with all the YUKO uprisings.

My family is Lakota Sioux.

My family keeps writing, "New phone who dis?"

My family was a living diorama in the Tenement Museum.

My father passed the torch to Duke,

My father was a bricklayer.

My father's gonna stand and give the same toast he always gives,

My favorite part were those TV watching chairs with the handlebars.

My final performance was my greatest.

My first college party.

My friends want me to make a choice, and it's impossible.

My God, Artie.

My grand re debut to Mikey was like

My guest tonight is a symbol of courage and hope.

My husband dying, me constantly getting hit by Citi Bikes,

My last one shrunk in the wash after I ate a ham.

My late husband is rolling over in my wall right now.

My likeness and my mouthness were stolen by a drug company.

My little Titus can go on in my place.

My Mikey Politano..

My mind is so clear!

My mom and I thought that was so cool.

My mother's necklace?

My name is in the title.

My name is Jacqueline White.

My name is Kimmy Schmidt.

My name is Miss Clara LeBueff,

My name is not Flouncy Magoo,

My next cult is gonna be all women.

My organs will be 40,

My parents, the Octomom.

My partner and equal!

My phone and my wallet are in my coat!

My point is, that stuff's worth money.

My rash is tasting more and more like jelly,

My real name is Cork Rockingham.

My roommate!

My roommates are on the crew team, so they're all big and strong

My sexual compass is all a twirly girly.

My sister in law, Phyllis

My un started original screenplay

My video is just Marge here eating a birthday cake made of meat

My wife died five years ago

My wife is dying to meet you.

Mystery bitch is on her "ownt."

Mystery bitch. Ouch!

Nah, man. Always looking, though.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Nah, that's just fancy private colleges.

Nah, this is the same guy.

Nah.

Name...

Need I remind you, you owe me one.

Needs a different plug?

Nerds are the worst. I shove them.

NetJets Air Mistress, 2000 to 2005.

Never box yourself in

Never mind.

Never, Kimmy Jimmel.

Never. This makes no sense.

New owner, new rules.

Next biker that goes down,

Next on Bunny and Kitty...

Next step: table manners.

Next thing you know, you'll be like me.

Next time you're in town, just whistle.

Next time, get a husband

Next to a bucket of my own urine.

Next week, we're getting into Kant's categorical imperative,

Nice Bieber cut.

Nice to see you again, Kimmy

Nice try. I know that means Voldemort. Now I know he's single.

Nineteen eighty nine, but Bill Cosby didn't know I'd switched the soups.

No

No access to fruits or vegetables

No bad guys!

No crazy rules like, "Do this. Wear that. Poop here."

No health warning.

No matter how hard I try,

No murderer can afford that.

No new orders. We're going out of business.

No offense to the mentally ill or the physically not fast.

No offense.

No one on the message boards told me his wife died.

No one tells me what to do.

No one wants to leave because we're having too much fun.

No one's allowed to leave!

No one's dead, especially not a five time Grammy Award winner

No one's picked her up,

No time to say both your names. He's dead.

No way, Titus. I'm out.

No way! They play this all the time

No way.

No way. First of all,

No, a baby named Linda is weird,

No, Artie would never do that.

No, but this is. Knock, knock...

No, Dad and I are gonna have tea at the American Boy store

No, don't hit me!

No, dude, I choose you.

No, dummy.

No, gas station man is stealing from me.

No, Gretchen.

No, Gus Rosendale.

No, he just said, "Bye bye,"

No, his grandmother has it.

No, honestly, I don't blame you

No, I didn't know Austin got extra time on tests.

No, I just need people to listen.

No, I mean, that kid in the attic

No, I mean, you got knocked down, but you want to get up again.

No, I need to find her.

No, I'm not getting paid, Cyndee.

No, I'm seriously not playing this boat.

No, if this has anything to do with that bathroom, I did my part.

No, if you can last a whole day

No, in fact, we want you to know,

No, it's just,

No, it's not.

No, it's time to pass the torch

No, just thought it was cute.

No, Kimmy. She just means, like, reclaim your power.

No, Kimmy. This party is a rejection of Valentine's Day

No, Lillian, if I'm gonna be white, don't make me be Irish.

No, Lillian, maybe this was always about Kimmy,

No, look. Seriously, it's fine. We're good.

No, Mom, I'm taking them down

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no! She has to sign!

No, no, no, no, no! Stop it, Mikey!

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. I'm asking about you

No, no, no, over here, dear.

No, no, no. This isn't my phone. I'm trying to call Kimmy.

No, no!

No, no.

No, no.

No, no.

No, no. I'm gonna be a reverend

No, not failed. I've only ever failed three tests:

No, see, that's what I'm saying.

No, she's coming back.

No, she's not, Titus.

No, sir.

No, some things are pretty black and white.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

No, thanks.

No, that doesn't feel right.

No, that's a smell!

No, that's not an option.

No, that's not what we're...

No, that's not what's happening here.

No, that's not...

No, that's the anger talking

No, that's why I want to open a store there.

No, the only Korn I like is the band that played at my wedding.

No, the toilet rat. It's going extinct.

No, they left...

No, they're precious, and it's scary putting them out there.

No, this is good.

No, this is Iktomi, the spider.

No, Titus. I'm not a crook.

No, Titus. Not like that.

No, Trevor Millionaire can stay!

No, yeah, the tigers. Of course.

No, you did not.

No, you're in my story, pal.

No, you're supposed to not care.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! I always thought I'd die

No! I choose you!

No! I succeeded.

No! I want Titus!

No! I was the lead in Mahogany.

No! I'm a good person.

No! No!

No! Not that! That!

No! That's for good boys

No! Wait.

No! Why?

No! You call Mike Shoemaker!

No?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. A trip to Europe.

No. Everything's fine.

No. Get your giggles out!

No. He's a fellow coed.

No. I am Dr. Vanessa Poseidon.

No. I broke up with Bobby.

No. I don't think I could be friends with you anymore.

No. I got scurvy.

No. I need you 'cause you're my conscience.

No. I'm onto you.

No. I'm taking weekend classes

No. It's your daughter.

No. Money.

No. No, no, no, no.

No. No! I take it back

No. No. I'm an impressionist

No. Not cute ducks.

No. That's the bunker.

No. Titus, I just spent all night doing stuff for myself...

No. Too soon.

No. What are you doing here?

No. You know what?

No. You're Titus, right?

Nobody cares what a song is about.

Nobody else will.

Nobody's gonna pay to see

Noice! What's Good Friday?

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Nom, nom, nom. Take that, shrimps.

Nope, sounded good in here.

Nope.

Normally, Mr. Rustine Snyder handles these events,

Normally, my boyfriend...

Not "a ball of holes"?

Not a fan, Kimmy!

Not anymore.

Not as many Chins as some people would have you believe.

Not everything's about you, dear.

Not giving up is the elephant matriarch,

Not giving up is the female orca,

Not if they follow the Bible.

Not in church, dear.

Not interested, Mr. Blast.

Not like those freeloading Olympic athletes.

Not long after I moved to New York,

Not me.

Not the pizza boxes!

Not to be the rich guy, but I can't tell what's trash or not.

Not to Canada. Mexico. I need siesta culture.

Not to embarrass you, but your jeans are torn.

Not to hammer a dean.

Not today, Internet.

Nothing gets done without your okay.

Nothing that we ever need to get into

Nothing to your liking.

Nothing with fruit.

Nothing, she's fine! I think I know more about Dionne Warwick than you do!

Now all I want to do is funny stuff...

Now Andy Cohen wants to meet with me?

Now buy a heart, 'cause I'm not gonna hang around

Now every time you come home, the mailbox flag is up,

Now everyone said "shrimp" except me.

Now get out of here while I clean up your mess.

Now I have to take Artie upstairs and bang him.

Now I know how Kimmy's kissing potato felt...

Now I know why Yoda looked like a piece of dried green poop.

Now I said "boy."

Now I want to do a rant about speakerphones

Now I'm torturing him.

Now is the time, idiots!

Now it's the first thing that comes up when you google me.

Now let's get down to brass balls.

Now let's go do our lame plan no one cares about.

Now me and this children's choir

Now my teeth are wiggly, Lillian.

Now on the clock, the Washington Gun Takers

Now repeat after me...

Now say no.

Now that my soul isn't burdened with its darkest secrets.

Now that we have a TV.

Now that you know my heritage, I'm sure you want nothing to do with me.

Now the only reality show I care about

Now what?

Now what? BunCo

Now when I wake up screaming,

Now you actually got to choose one of them,

Now you know they suck just as much as you do.

Now you're going to Europe.

Now you're torturing yourself about the future.

Now, I don't know if he's gonna be an onion or an apple,

Now, I forget.

Now, I like the orca part,

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Now, look, this is exactly why

Now, my mama didn't raise no fool.

Now, of course, in a real sharknado,

Now, the doctors had to put pieces of thigh in his face,

Now, the post smooshing patients

Now, this next sloppy jam goes out to my old lady, Lillian.

Now, we know how this is gonna go.

Now, who likes Monopoly?

Number one killer of Desirees.

Number one:

Obviously in a funk.

Obviously. So what?

Obvs.

Of a healthy sex life,

Of a Law & Order episode, it does not end well.

Of all the days for Flouncy to break up with his underage lover.

Of course not.

Of course not. Oh, you bitch.

Of course you deserve better.

Of course, if everyone did that

Of course, my first instinct

Of course. If you're protesting, you burn stuff.

Of course. Wait.

Of course. You know I'd do anything for the Snyders.

Of Matilda...'s Wednesday matinee?

Of my sweet,

Of Puerto Rican babies who are up too late.

Of something called a GEO Sprout.

Of the divided assets and pay for college?

Of what I'm in for.

Of what?

Of white people stealing from black people.

Often require unique care.

Oh

Oh

Oh ho, she's running. She's running.

Oh, 'cause you're perfect.

Oh, "Live at the Brown Note."

Oh, "Spin the Bottle" with twosies?

Oh, Allah, be praised, K Biz. You got your phone back.

Oh, and God bless you for understudying me.

Oh, and you weren't able to find time in your day to go buy a pen

Oh, baby!

Oh, believe you me,

Oh, bless your heart, you banged everything that moved back then.

Oh, boy, this is a lot to take in.

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy. Even I know that's this.

Oh, brother.

Oh, brother. Help me.

Oh, but I don't know this dance like Paige does,

Oh, but you don't want to go confronting him without practicing first.

Oh, call me Dale

Oh, can you take me home?

Oh, Christmas. I am so sorry.

Oh, come on

Oh, Cork, I'm so confused.

Oh, could that be Mikey back already to marry me?

Oh, could you guys stay for dinner?

Oh, D'Fwan! D'Fwhy?

Oh, damn it, Titus!

Oh, dang it!

Oh, dang it. I don't have one of those consent contracts.

Oh, did I not mention that I ordered pizza for everyone?

Oh, did you get a parrot?

Oh, do it! Kill each other!

Oh, don't blame yourself.

Oh, don't worry, honey. Sean Penn isn't real.

Oh, far more than friends.

Oh, foop.

Oh, for Pete's sake. This again?

Oh, gee!

Oh, girl, nothing good ever comes in a big brown envelope.

Oh, God, I miss the smell of his one dead tooth

Oh, God, I'm going to have to cook.

Oh, God, it's you.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God...

Oh, God, stop! But thank you for driving electric.

Oh, God, you are so lucky you don't have to deal with this stuff.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Help me, Lillian!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's Swan Lake all over again.

Oh, good.

Oh, good. The talent's here.

Oh, great, it's you!

Oh, grown ups are all over the Internet.

Oh, he died of natural causes.

Oh, heavens.

Oh, hello, Jacqueline.

Oh, hey, Russ.

Oh, hey, Tony, what's up?

Oh, hey, um, there's, like, a movie in the lounge later.

Oh, hi, guys. I left my tools at the...

Oh, hold on, guys.

Oh, honey, it is not my idea.

Oh, honey, it's not your fault.

Oh, honey, you're not a dum dum.

Oh, how could I get mad at that face?

Oh, I already hit my step count goals for the day.

Oh, I am. I'm gonna get up at morning, or however you say it.

Oh, I don't know, Xan.

Oh, I don't know. Are we raging alcoholics?

Oh, I don't know... psych!

Oh, I don't think Titus wants to talk about the cruise anymore.

Oh, I don't want to embarrass myself at the luncheon.

Oh, I get it!

Oh, I got to have a disco biscuit in here somewhere.

Oh, I gotta bring a change of clothes to the party.

Oh, I gotta tell Kimmy her dumb plan is off.

Oh, I knew it as soon as I said it.

Oh, I know all about you.

Oh, I look cute. J'excused

Oh, I miss him so much.

Oh, I miss you so much, Russ.

Oh, I sure could use some strong arms tomorrow.

Oh, I was just...

Oh, I was taking a nap in there.

Oh, I wouldn't miss your birthday or whatever.

Oh, I'm a customer.

Oh, I'm concerned for him.

Oh, I'm glad you're my new neighbor.

Oh, I'm sorry, sugar. You're on the phone.

Oh, I'm supposed to be happy now, too?

Oh, I've been there.

Oh, I've got to take this.

Oh, I've got to take this.

Oh, I've gotta run.

Oh, if this is a murder/suicide, please leave a note.

Oh, if you sell it,

Oh, is it those quadruplets laughing?

Oh, is that what you think?

Oh, it is on!

Oh, it is, Flouncy.

Oh, it's too cold and shiny for me.

Oh, Jeff. That didn't work out.

Oh, just that concussions are good for business.

Oh, Kim!

Oh, Kimmy, I would love to stay, really,

Oh, Kimmy. That's bad.

Oh, Lillian, we agreed no bacon.

Oh, look at the time.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, man, Dev, sorry, brother.

Oh, Meemaw and Russ.

Oh, Mikey, so nice to meet you.

Oh, Miss Dionne.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, is he gonna rap?

Oh, my God, Kimmy!

Oh, my God, normally, that's, like, my favorite thing!

Oh, my God, that's gross!

Oh, my God, you bought it!

Oh, my God! Get over it!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is this a joke?

Oh, my goodness. I caught someone.

Oh, my gosh, Titus.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. "Drunk lady at White Castle"?

Oh, my gosh. Are you serious, Gretchen?

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, my.

Oh, my...

Oh, no

Oh, no, a fire monster!

Oh, no, he looks so smart.

Oh, no, he wasn't that lucky.

Oh, no, I'm Jacqueline's sister, Jorqueline,

Oh, no, I'm pretty full of pudding, so

Oh, no, Kimmy, don't go.

Oh, no, Kimmy, it's fine. Not a big deal.

Oh, no, Kimmy, it's fine. Not a big deal.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. Not now.

Oh, no, Russ,

Oh, no, thanks. I went earlier.

Oh, no, these are just a bunch of Garfield heads.

Oh, no!

Oh, no! Here come accident!

Oh, no! I hate this.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Are you angry right now?

Oh, no. It's my gay best friend, Flouncy Magoo.

Oh, no. Oh, wow.

Oh, nobody takes my guns!

Oh, of course!

Oh, oh, as you approach the house,

Oh, oh, God.

Oh, okay, great.

Oh, okay, now listen.

Oh, okay, that's what I ate

Oh, okay, uh, but also, no.

Oh, okay.

Oh, one simply has to go to Mo's.

Oh, only when it comes to stuff

Oh, Operation Plan has crashed my PowerPoint more than once.

Oh, please.

Oh, really?

Oh, really?

Oh, right, Richard.

Oh, right, the divorce.

Oh, right?

Oh, Russ's prescription luggage...

Oh, she should not be sucking on her thumb.

Oh, so now you feel bad for me,

Oh, so that's why you run a hot dog cart

Oh, so your roommate's into catapulting, huh?

Oh, sorry, that's me.

Oh, sure

Oh, sure, call me about this.

Oh, sure. Here's your change.

Oh, thank angry Old Testament God,

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, thank you, my love.

Oh, thanks for the luck.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, that's no fun. We're the worst.

Oh, the amazing chip.

Oh, this is a mess.

Oh, this is my friend Titus.

Oh, this'll be fun.

Oh, Titus!

Oh, Titus.

Oh, to take down the Redskins.

Oh, uh, Andrew,

Oh, uh, check the infirmary.

Oh, uh, yeah, it is.

Oh, unbelievable,

Oh, w we better get out of here.

Oh, we already have some pretty epic plans tonight.

Oh, we're trying to use the scientific name,

Oh, welcome to our little salon.

Oh, well, Dianne and I google all of our students.

Oh, well, I know when I'm not wanted.

Oh, well, I see you finally found

Oh, well, I won't be here.

Oh, well, I've got plans tonight.

Oh, what a crock.

Oh, what is this,

Oh, what was I thinking?

Oh, when Kimmy was a kid, she

Oh, who's Linda? Your mom's friend?

Oh, why did I assume it was a woman parking badly?

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, like it's a new toilet or something.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? I was a running back

Oh, yeah? Well, what would she say to you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, it did!

Oh, yes, let's hear

Oh, yes. I didn't see anything in the pamphlet

Oh, you can't blame Iktomi for everything.

Oh, you caught me mid laugh.

Oh, you did not eat Dionne Warwick!

Oh, you know something

Oh, you mean appearing in every single performance

Oh, you shop at Cornway's?

Oh, you sweet dum dum

Oh, you want to explain to her why she's crying?

Oh, you're done, sweetie.

Oh, you're such a tool!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Let me go get our pen.

Oh! Oh, brother.

Oh! There was a fire

Oh! Till tomorrow, then.

Oh! Titus.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. All right.

Oh. Aloha, Lillian.

Oh. I gave up on the Second Avenue Subway 40 years ago.

Oh. I'm not invited to your fancy rooftop party, Stacy?

Oh. Like Seinfeld.

Oh. No, you can't go.

Oh. No.

Oh. Of course.

Oh. Oh, my.

Oh. So does this mean you're thinking of doing another cruise?

Oh. This is how we win.

Oh. What about you, Creep?

Oh. Who are we to judge, right?

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... Reuben!

Ohh!

Ohh..

Okay

Okay, "Rate your skill level in the following areas.

Okay, and now it's morning,

Okay, but what if you're really just a brain

Okay, day one of the Kaushtupper regime...

Okay, everyone up the hill.

Okay, fine.

Okay, fine.

Okay, fine. I got kicked out 'cause...

Okay, first item...

Okay, first of all, how did you find me?

Okay, get to it, girls.

Okay, here she is.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, here's my point.

Okay, Home Biscuit.

Okay, how do you do that?

Okay, I can explain.

Okay, I did it.

Okay, I get it, Ken, and I agree.

Okay, I get that you want to blame me,

Okay, I know I'm not a great singer like you...

Okay, I remember us making our own beans.

Okay, I'll just call an Uber.

Okay, it's the bottom of the seventh.

Okay, Lonny, you don't know how bad I want this.

Okay, look.

Okay, man. Welcome.

Okay, maybe I go a little overboard.

Okay, maybe I'll sign if you admit that there was no fifth Mole Woman

Okay, maybe work backwards.

Okay, Mommy. Eat your corns.

Okay, nerd, let's get something straight.

Okay, nerd, let's get something straight.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so no tobacco use,

Okay, so sometimes the donkey's just got to choose

Okay, so we're up to...

Okay, thanks.

Okay, this kind of stuff happens to Beaker all the time,

Okay, Titus, there are adult Lindas, right?

Okay, Tony,

Okay, uh...

Okay, um, see you around.

Okay, what'd you do, google yourself?

Okay, what's the

Okay, when a man has sex with his brother in law,

Okay, when you meet Alex Trebek,

Okay, yeah, but technically,

Okay, you took a hit.

Okay! But don't try anything funny!

Okay! Yeah!

Okay?

Okay? It has to be here.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bye bye.

Okay. Don't have a Kim bolism.

Okay. Rule number one.

Okay. Um...

Okay. You made a mistake.

Okay... he cleans the bathroom every day at 4:00.

Okay... this will tell me my future.

Old high school field hockey pictures.

On a full scholarship starting immediately?

On a prank show...

On messed up bummers and shiznit.

On Spotify's Adult Bro temporary charts.

On the count of three, let's say what we want for dinner.

On the latest in showbiz.

On the other hand, you take a heart off the market,

On the outside, I'm a beautiful golden pony,

On the World Wide Web?

On this transgendered handyperson's experience

On Wiki wiki pedia!

One could almost say there's too much ClipArt.

One day, all the Mole Woman stories

One hundred percent of the vote!

One hundred percent! Out of what?

One hundred percent.

One last score.

One minute you're talking about being an adult,

One mole?

One of my aunts, Ernestine, melted, Kimmy.

One of the best TV jobs in New York.

One of those fake subway stations that creeps build

One of your cronies.

One time, he did. Very awkward.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, why would we throw urine at Al Roker when he has never thrown urine at us?

One: Making decisions."

Only about my name.

Only because Kate Hudson and Blake Lively were wearing very similar dresses

Only better 'cause it's modern times and everything's so much harder now.

Only board games.

Only local media?

Only once, and I learned that

Only one human being has ever crossed it..

Only one person?

Only to find you laughing with some boy

Only you.

Oof, I didn't know it'd hurt my feet so much.

Oof, is that set in stone?

Ooh, and I gots to have my BlackBerry charger!

Ooh, and Kimmy is here, of course, because she...

Ooh, and Perry here

Ooh, divorce papers.

Ooh, fever, swollen joints.

Ooh, garlic bread!

Ooh, here's one you'll like.

Ooh, hey, hot stuff.

Ooh, I am so proud of you,

Ooh, is it a skinny kid and a fat kid

Ooh, jet packs, a decent Tupac hologram.

Ooh, my sock.

Ooh, that sounds sad.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! Hey. Oh.

Ooh! Oof!

Ooh! That's the business.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oops! It's right here.

Oops. I just called you guys "guys."

Opening unlocked doors and going outside

Or Or she's a patsy.

Or "Man Hands"?

Or a cat euthanasia pill.

Or a Dracula.

Or a hooker with a heart of gold.

Or a modern Gomaco made streetcar?

Or a museum called The Frick

Or a pen.

Or a police informant.

Or a signature I'm really happy with.

Or a Transformer.

Or an actor wearing glasses.

Or an internship at Late Night.

Or are they these ivory tower types

Or Boston Collie or UC Bark ley

Or bunkers.

Or consider the bonobo,

Or did that career test tell you to be a less hot Don Rickles?

Or drink..

Or eggs that come from birds.

Or has he been here the whole time?

Or how about tigers?

Or how, when you're on a cruise ship, the toilet is in your shower

Or I'll be mad."

Or I'll never get the name changed.

Or inner beauty.

Or is it that your head is getting bigger?

Or is this a prank,

Or it could be a month. So...

Or make friends with a carriage horse,

Or Marma Duke or Corgi Mellon

Or my Titus?

Or orca or elephant.

Or realize it's just Titus stealing your food in a sheet.

Or some other kind of thing that runs

Or that I can count to ten in Spanish?

Or that people are obsessed with how women look.

Or the day after tomorrow

Or the Mutt sachusetts Insti cute of Technolo dog.

Or the rejection letters I got for my screenplay,

Or the way Cate Blanchett carries herself.

Or wasn't a Juggalo king.

Or you two are in a lot of trouble.

Or you'll be too sad to sign.

Or Zippy. I'm trying to get that going.

Or, "Who stole my wallet? Isabellica?"

Or, if you had a pizza, you'd give it to people who were starving.

Or...

Or... bro.

Orchestra seats at a Mets performance.

Orson, you look fantastic.

Orson.

Orthodontist humor. Sorry. He can't help himself.

Our bathroom is strictly for grooming, shame eating,

Our Clara was named Bernice.

Our food animals all get to meet Michael Jordan before they die.

Our neighbor got HBO and we can hear it through the wall.

Our rent will be jacked up so high,

Our shared hatred of your family

Our shows are about beautiful things.

Out of business? Why?

Out of what?

Outside bones or teeth.

Over and over.

Over my hot body.

Over the nails!

Over the years, you've killed four Eli Mannings.

Over these past few years, what with making tenure...

Over!

Overestimate a tiger friendship?

Ow! See?

Page three.

Paige is one of my roommates.

Paige, your task rabbit has arrived.

Papa John is gonna officiate.

Paparazzo!

Pardon me.

Parentheses Twist."

Parentheses,

Party over.

Passed out at that concert and I ran onstage

Pastor Denise talked about

Patti! Patti!

Paulie sits right by the door.

Paw Patrol to the rescue!

Payola.

People die!

People don't get extra beans

People make mistakes.

People smile when they see something beautiful.

Perfect career number 89 is supposed to be for me.

Perfect timing!

Perfect. I don't want you to talk either.

Perpestrated by the Chinese,

Perpestrated by the Chinese,

Perry, I am

Perry, I am

Perry, I'm doing it.

Perry! Finally.

Perry.

Perry's the only one who's ever supported me.

Pervert Rick?

Peter Stuyvesant.

Pew pew pew pew pew!

Philosophy is... dumb.

Philosophy? Like what is the sound of one hand clapping?

Picking up his Titus."

Pizza, in my mind.

Plato, Aristotle

Plato's last Socratic dialogue.

Please do not touch my hair.

Please excuse me.

Please give a warm welcome to Kimmy Schmidt.

Please give whatever you can.

Please stop...

Please tell me this isn't about

Please, everybody knows I'm always saying "Patti" like that.

Please, Miss Dionne,

Please, please, don't hurt me!

Please, sit.

Please!

Please!

Please.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

Plus a pretty rare Beanie Baby

Plus, it gives me a chance to just hang out and eat some cheese.

Plus, it'd be great to have someone else work my arms for once.

Plus, you're afraid of a vacuum cleaner.

Politics is the worst!

Poor Dick.

Posting a picture of my sloppy joe.

Practicing my Rosetta Stone dolphin tapes.

Preach it!

Pretend you're gay to get close to her, and then you're all,

Pretending to be a doctor.

Prettier..

Probably.

Producing nothing, destroying everything.

Professor Dooley is pretty shaken up.

Professor Van Arsdale Yates.

Professor Walter, was the trolley

Progress, I guess.

Property Brothers!

Pubic Chigger Bombs

Push it up!

Push it up!

Put in $100 an hour.

Question 1,000: "I want to be a Crossing Guard to...

Quick!

Quit yelling about bathrooms, man.

Rainbows if you're a dog.

Raking in mad dough,

Random. Terrible.

Rat babies!

Rattle a can of change or something

Ravensburger, you've outdone yourselves.

Razmatazz.

RB, huh? Let's see if you can get past the Dukester

Real cool.

Real Ivy.

Really excited you could come in

Really latched on to.

Really, Cork? You played football?

Really?

Really?!

Recess is for babies.

Refrigerateur,

Refrigerator? Seriously?

Remember?

Reuben, like that leopard print unitard

Rhyme time!

Rich, mean, knows a lot about watches.

Richard Pryor is dead

Richard Stemple? From high school?

Right now and really milk it

Right now she's looking for a deli to get waffles to go.

Right now, it probably feels like the world is ending,

Right, Dad?

Right, right. The Haitian toilet rat.

Right?

Right.

Right. Right. Penguin with teeth.

Roger was my first real boyfriend.

Roger, this is my boyfriend, Mikey

Romeo and Juliet,

Rubbing alcohol?

Rubbing elbows with the elites the rest of the country hates.

Rude.

Rude.

Rule number four: no fighting.

Rule number three.

Rule number two.

Rule one: make them remember you.

Run, Lillian!

Run!

Running around the abandoned tuberculosis hospital,

Running to someone.

Rural Pennsylvania?

Russ ended up with the recipe.

Russ is unconscious.

Russ may be coming home tomorrow, and I don't know if I could handle it.

Russ, I don't know what you want me to do.

Russ, this is still inside you.

Russ, you know, before I met you,

Russia?

Safe like home base in Capture the Flag.

Said the tailor.

Saint Paul said women should be silent in church.

Saint Paul says, "Love does no harm to a neighbor."

Same construction hat four days in a row.

Samples are my religion,

Saudi Arabia?

Saving five people justifies killing one.

Saving this guy...

Say hi to Russ!

Say no more.

Say no, Jacqueline.

Say, "Cheese!"

Say, compadre,

Say, emotional intelligence.

Saying, "Titus, you were right.

Says who?

Sbarro's: let the airport come to you.

Scaring ghosts.

Schlepping the twins around Westchester, I bet.

Schmidt, I believe you know this woman.

School on Saturday? What are you, a fish?

Scoliosis, Turing, and lice.

Scurvy?

Scurvy? Like a British seaman?

Sea lions control the media!

Second Avenue Subway. I know!

Second of all, I'm working on it.

See ya.

See you at choir practice.

See, I know baseball.

See, it's not your fault that boys don't learn how to cook

See, the

See, this was never gonna go how you wanted it to.

See, Titus, Reuben also doesn't have a girlfriend,

See, you signed a blanket release at your audition.

See?

See? I turned the tables.

See? The modern world's not so bad.

See? This doesn't work in reverse.

Seeing a lot of each other, Xan!

Seeing the big, beautiful gay world.

Seen here earlier this morning.

Sell it,

Send in a saucy gay friend for her to get real with.

Send in an Eli Manning to escort Ms. White out, please

September...

Seriously, don't listen to the news!

Seriously, Xan?

Setting pitching style for "Basic Dudebro

Setting pitching style for "Tony Danza."

Seven minutes in heaven! Okay. Yes.

Seven minutes in heaven.

Seven swimming shellfish said the Ocean Skank sank.

Seventh wave feminism is all about owning our sexuality.

Seventy five?

Sex and the City walking tour, that starts at 2:00.

Sex offender. Big time.

Sh sh she's alive.

Shall we vote?

Shame! Shame! Shame!

Shame. Shame!

Shaq stopped visiting the kids at this hospital

Shar Pei roll?

Share everything.

Shark Tank Español to the Amish!

Sharon.

She She comes up to the counter...

She acts all holier than thou,

She also mentioned that you stole her boyfriend.

She ate all my plastic Barbie fruit.

She better not just be gone.

She came to my school once.

She can just assume that everybody

She didn't, baby girl.

She does get most of her plastic surgery

She doesn't know how to distract the Reverend

She got sick again, so...

She has her own show? I hate her.

She helped me, and I need her help again.

She is a snake in the grass!

She is Jersey strong.

She is not a good person.

She is. It's disgusting.

She just goes off.

She just had to... walk the dog.

She lost her license and a wet shorts contest in Atlantic City,

She makes us both better people.

She overheard me bad mouthing the choir.

She said we were hopeless.

She saved... everybody.

She sees it as a sign of aggression.

She starts giggling at the diarrhea medicine,

She used the Bible to manipulate me.

She was going to bring me a chocolate covered granola bar.

She was hired to put together a rowing machine.

She works in human resources

She would tell you to beg Kimmy to come back.

She'd say I shouldn't screw things up with Artie

She's a grown woman.

She's a professor of her story

She's alive, Titus.

She's alive, Titus.

She's doing that to him with her butt.

She's exactly as attractive as Pippi Longstocking.

She's expected to make landfall anytime in the next 12 hours

She's gonna have to pretend to dislike me as much as he does.

She's gonna stop me from bringing clean water to this neighborhood.

She's got kids in there.

She's hosting a telethon right now for the parts of New Jersey

She's immune to my charm.

She's in control.

She's insane. Who does the crust last?

She's more than welcome to.

She's not here right now, thank God.

She's one of God's little babies, Kimmy.

She's tall, hot, and, for the first time, not inflatable.

She's the badass that pulled a sub seven on the erg.

She's tragic.

She's up to her skinny neck in bling.

She's, like, crazy fast.

Shells can be pasta!

Shh, it's okay.

Shh, Lillian.

Shooting gorillas!

Shooting me twice, leaving me for dead.

Shoplifting.

Shopping local, thinking global.

Should we continue with the tour?

Shouldn't take long, and then...

Shove cookies in my mouth without chewing

Show me by a chair.

Showers and flush toilets are conveniently located

Shrink wrap is a scam.

Shut up, girl.

Shut up.

Shut up. It's called Profiles.

Shut up. Shut up

Shut, wrecker of my joy."

Sick burn, Cyndee. I like you.

Sick burn, Father.

Sign 'em and get 'em back to me.

Simone Biles trying to ride a roller coaster

Since I got picked for that Depends focus group.

Since I moved to Indiana five months ago.

Since that misprint in the paper said that you were

Since we've been back together,

Sing.

Sippin' on gin and juice, laid back.

Sir, I was just in a very long movie,

Sir, if I were rich, do you think I'd be talking to you right now?

Sir, uh, Chalker is crying.

Sir, you should be able to tell that I have not.

Sir. You should be able to tell that I have not.

Six four, triathlete, doctor.

Six point oh two times ten to the 23rd power equals...

Six.

Skipping everywhere on campus.

Snake hair, never has stamps, is white

Snyders... to the blimp pad.

So So wait.

So all you Xan Heads out there,

So are you gonna call him? Or does he call you?

So Black History Month is every other month

So call the number on your screen

So can you talk to her?

So close.

So did she say that I was ghosting you?

So do it already!

So don't give up.

So either she's in love with me...

So excuse me if I care what I look like.

So far I've learned that

So forget this stupid test and whatever

So go ahead and take a dollar out of my purse.

So gross!

So he's lying?

So here goes.

So here's to doing this again in five years,

So how about next time I'm in town, you let me make it up to you?

So how did he dump you?

So how long are you in town?

So I also got fish tacos.

So I can go in; make him turn around

So I can have one last birthday party.

So I can take it to the hardware store.

So I don't have to learn any of the dumb languages.

So I don't have to tell people about my stuff if I don't want to.

So I don't mind saying it.

So I got out the old police scanner.

So I got you a six pack of lemonade.

So I grabbed my paychecks and my bag of wigs

So I guess there's two things

So I guess we'll see you there.

So I guess when I passed that tooth last month...

So I have to find him and make him fess up.

So I have to find that phony and make him tell the truth.

So I insisted that you be the community liaison

So I know if you're going to the toy store without me.

So I understand that you're gonna take your portion

So I wanna say... 2:30.

So I was forcing it.

So I'll need...

So I'll see you around.

So I'm bringing them

So I'm going to tell you where to find

So I'm just gonna go ahead and say, "Banana."

So I'm sorry if I just wanna enjoy life for once.

So I'm the bad guy?

So I've decided I'm not going to go

So if going on TV will do that, then I don't have a choice.

So if I have a story that could really help people,

So if Xan wants to get on the erg,

So important.

So instead let's think about why

So is Russ coming back for the party?

So is that

So is this about one of his little issues with the NFL?

So it can't have any pieces missing!

So it is not so weird on the baby.

So it's all just out there for anyone to surf

So it's gonna be fair.

So Jacqueline White is going to be an agent.

So just change the lock.

So just go anywhere out here

So just hold me over the bathtub.

So just tune that pasty Felicia out and think happy thoughts,

So Kimmy was wrong yet again.

So let me do my pitch real quick.

So let's go steal the key to a gas station bathroom.

So let's have fun!

So let's just meet with this guy.

So let's watch that tape now,

So lookit, what if you didn't have to put in all that effort, okay?

So many Buckleys.

So many porns!

So maybe we're not so different.

So maybe you could lead.

So now the ball's in your court.

So rich, she once used a helicopter

So she could sell his body when he dies?

So she used my sin to get us moved all the way to the back.

So she's just been ET ing in the hospital gift shop stuffed animals.

So so so you're not gonna be in charge?

So stock up on canned goods and water

So stupid. It's this.

So take that, Hurricane Tammi with an I!

So tell the Columbia House tapes department

So thank you for that.

So thank you for welcoming me on this Good Friday.

So thank you, Xanthippe.

So that is what she looks like.

So that's philosophy?

So that's the dormitory.

So that's why I'm going to divinity school.

So that's why I'm here?

So that's why your ears are red.

So the guards Tased him, which, of course, Tased me.

So the homeless guy who likes yelling at the river

So there was no fire, was there?

So there's no pulse.

So there's your first date small talk right there.

So they can't even walk.

So they're gonna throw him off the roof.

So this is feminism.

So this is what we do.

So this whole day has been for the birds!

So today's gonna be different,

So tonight we have to get into a huge fight.

So we could see the TV.

So we got on her ATV, went to Kroger's,

So what brings you two here,

So what choice do I have now?

So what do you say?

So what does this mean?

So what if you offended a much bigger group?

So what's the weekend looking like?

So when they call someone out for skimping on the collection,

So who can vote tomorrow?

So will I see you tomorrow at the Benedict Arnold Club

So you agree,

So you asked your fleeky older friend to buy you beer.

So you better get small, muchacho, get small fast.

So you can hit on bored husbands.

So you can sneak your friend in here,

So you found it.

So you give Mr. Frumpus what he wants,

So you gonna marry him or not?

So you gotta have that machine in your chest forever,

So you happy?

So you have an Internet radio hit.

So you started taping while talking to your neighbor.

So you want to go for a walk?

So you're gonna have powers?

So you're gonna have powers?

So you're not marrying the Reverend tonight.

So you're worse than a rich prick.

So you've always stood up for the less fortunate,

So your whole life, you've been like, "It's all about M E."

So, how about instead,

So, if I'm right,

So, if you're here for the Al Anon meeting,

So, Jacqueline... how's Russ?

So, like... two Russes?

So, Lillian, now that I have my GED, what do I do next?

So, so sorry about hucking that trash can at you.

So, to truly get Dad to...

So, um, these are all original songs.

So, what, I'm just supposed to pretend I don't care?

So?

So? He doesn't control your narrative. You do.

So? It's just more money for me.

So..

So..

So...

So...

So...

So...

So... I guess real religion is about knowing we're not perfect

So... what'd you want to show us?

So... you, like, have a line?

Socrates,

Solid age.

Some epic weather

Some jamoke

Some of our biggest hits are just disgusting.

Some of the millions of people watching right now,

Some of the most beautiful parts of New Jersey:

Some of the saints were flawed in real life.

Some people don't realize that many of those ancient texts

Somebody got into the SlimFast again.

Somebody help! Oh, God!

Someday, I'll laugh about all this.

Someday, I'll see a boat in person.

Someone ate my turkey!

Someone could really get hurt.

Someone else be interesting.

Someone take over the crank so the world doesn't end.

Someone threw up in my purse!

Someone's got a key, Kimmy.

Something insane happened while I was accidentally

Sometimes cruises just end early. It's a very common thing

Sometimes things that aren't dirty are actually much grosser.

Sometimes you have to do something really hard,

Sooner or later, you got to just stop biting onions.

Sorry I missed every holiday for the last ten years,

Sorry it took us so long to get here.

Sorry, Cork, but you shouldn't have dared me to bite you!

Sorry, guys. Got to run.

Sorry, he hates it when I call him that.

Sorry, I'm just What are the chances?

Sorry, I'm not used to public speaking.

Sorry, Lillian, duty calls.

Sorry, old habit.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. And can I say "man"?

Sorting my shells.

Speaking of people screwing me over,

Speaking of Russ,

Speaking of which, you can do better, son.

Spin Noza? The Sephardic DJ?

Spooky Sounds of the Haunted Mansion.

Spotlight, please.

Spotting the differences between two drawings

Stack his kidneys so that the horse pancreas would fit,

Stand down! All teams, fall back.

Start with my feet so my face can watch you choke.

Started eating at the table with me.

Starting right now.

Stay cool, Refrigerator.

Stealing, Titus? Really?

Step aside, sir.

Step one in our plan to get the Redskins to change their name.

Step one... win America's Next Top Model.

Sticky and with a backwards Garfield on him?

Still a little bit awesome.

Still got it, maybe now more than ever?

Stop lying!

Stop saying it like it's a normal name.

Stop trying to cheer me up by saying you'll die.

Stop!

Stop! You're slowly crushing him!

Stop. Yep.

Stouffer's French Bread Salad.

Strawberries, and body chocolate...

Stray dogs.

Strong tea.

Students.

Stupid sea pigeon, looking at me like that.

Stupid sea pigeon.

Sucked into a machine? Shot by a robber?

Supposably, I have emotional intelligence

Sure, but philosophy's so much more than that.

Sure, I have a charity that pays hotels

Sure, it makes a mess,

Sure, it's all just a thought experiment

Sure, it's kind of a moral gray area, but

Sure, it's scary and new, like a recently purchased Halloween mask,

Sure, the cowabunga lifestyle.

Sure!

Sure. If that's what you need to believe.

Surprise!

Surprisingly authentic.

Sweaters, dentist jokes,

Sweetie, I'm just saying we never have to see them again.

Swine flu,

Take a feral bodega cat.

Take a pen

Take me to church on Sunday.

Take your incomplete college application

Taking "sufficient enjoyment" in life

Taking a bus to New Jersey

Taking two pennies

Talk about what happened

Talk to your doctor about Urethrex?

Talk to your doctor about Urethrex.

Talk to your doctor about Urethrex.

Talk to your doctor, Guvna!

Talk to your doctor, Guvna!

Talk to your doctor, Guvna!

Talking about bunkers and my mom's phone number.

Tall kids with big words.

Tamara here is a poet

Taping you so I could learn your voice

Task rabbit?

Tasty, right?

Taye Diggs is gonna love this.

Taye Diggs liked my joe!

Technically, I did.

Tell me about it

Tell you what... I'll take you to that go kart place.

Telling him to clean up this mess.

Telling us what we need.

Ten minutes. Sure, I'll just...

Text and tell him you've been in an accident.

Text me his number.

Text me.

Than a kid with a bad valve

Thank God we had the bathtub full of ice ready to go.

Thank God you were here to explain it, Russ.

Thank you for sharing that, Black Cindy.

Thank you for the bowl.

Thank you for your service.

Thank you, Gordy.

Thank you, Kimmy

Thank you, Lillian and Artie.

Thank you, Mr. Bruce Springsteen,

Thank you, oh great and powerful Gosh.

Thank you, Roland.

Thank you, Titus.

Thank you, Xan.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I am wittle.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. We're good

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for driving me home.

Thanks for helping me move into Sesame Street, Mr. Frumpus.

Thanks for letting me sleep on your big queen mattress

Thanks for meeting with us, Jacqueline.

Thanks for meeting with us, Jacqueline.

Thanks, Andrea.

Thanks, but no, thanks.

Thanks, Lindas.

Thanks, man.

Thanks, Ms. White.

Thanks, Sam.

Thanks, Scott.

Thanks. I owe you one.

That 2.8 million people saw my client's genitals get erased.

That also sells Jason masks and loose hamsters?

That and justifying an open marriage

That blue sweater I put on you in episode 204 of our relationship.

That brain injury stuff is no joke.

That building is a sideways tugboat.

That businessman could be somebody's mom.

That cats are just baby dogs?

That crosses the line.

That description of Wendy is now considered offensive.

That didn't break any of your rules.

That does.

That doesn't make me feel any better.

That five of you need to watch one guy dig a hole!

That guy puts the "no thanks" in "thanks, but no thanks."

That had to be you!

That he did all that stuff.

That he keeps in a box called The Fist Box,

That I could use for college.

That I would never sell because his face is too cute.

That is a classic shape and color challenge.

That is a table.

That is correct.

That is not the kind of help Kimmy needs.

That Jesus would lay down his life for all of us?

That kid in the attic,

That Kimmy just walks off and leaves me

That look the same but there are actually a few tiny differences.

That makes any sense.

That makes sense.

That means I sang with the chorus,

That means Russ has two things I don't...

That might have worked with the last guy.

That must be how they heard your voice.

That only applies to my secret shame, Kimberly.

That people can overcome anything.

That really weren't right for me,

That reminds me.

That said I could never remarry and had to die alone in a flea market.

That should be a fun assignment.

That show is sinful, Sister Kimmy.

That smell just happens.

That Socrates' dialogues

That some boys pulled the arms and legs off of

That sometimes works.

That song is 49th

That sounds a lot like talking, Kimmy.

That sounds like a whole wing in a 1950s insane asylum

That started as a story about streaking The Robin Byrd Show.

That test told me I should be a crossing guard.

That the bladder could be much more effective as a villain.

That the chickens were forced to climb

That they do at a Katheryn Perry concert,

That this didn't work out because you're a woman,

That tree has fruit in it.

That usually comes later, Sister Kimmy,

That was a productive lunch, Sharon.

That was before they did puns.

That was for the troops.

That was fun.

That was gender normative AF.

That was just a different water bug who got trapped in a Kleenex.

That was not me.

That was the whole story.

That was very funny, by the way.

That was written exclusively for me

That wasn't a real test, was it, Mr. McKinney?

That way, you can hire me, and I can do politics for you.

That we can use later on,

That we can't get right here in our neighborhood...

That we can't?

That were already washed away in the storm

That woman is a nightmare.

That woman's a user, a gossip, and a snake in the grass.

That women are dumb?

That would be a Boscov's, ma'am

That would be a good job for you, 'cause you get so still when you're angry.

That you can look past

That you can put up with anything for ten seconds

That, interestingly enough, was written by no one.

That. Ugh!

That's 42 people I've hugged in my life

That's a ballsy move there, Cork.

That's a big deal.

That's a cartoon I quote to soothe myself.

That's a crumble.

That's a real thing?

That's a shame.

That's a stupid pizza.

That's acting, girl.

That's acting, girl.

That's awesome!

That's crazy, right?

That's crazy. This is just friend stuff.

That's downstairs.

That's even better.

That's Gabba gross!

That's gonna be, uh..

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna be, uh...

That's gonna happen to you.

That's good, Titus,

That's great. Can you struggle with the door a little bit?

That's her name.

That's how Iktomi takes advantage of people.

That's how Meemaw died.

That's how we do it in Chickasaw County, Mississippi.

That's how we do it in Crab Mansion, Maryland!

That's it!

That's it.

That's just called Dave?

That's just the news now.

That's me.

That's messed up.

That's moi!

That's my class.

That's my girl.

That's my therapist.

That's not a baby name; that's a name

That's not a tree, Lillian. That's a cell phone tower.

That's not enough time.

That's not even the best part.

That's not fair!

That's not what it does.

That's not what your lips said.

That's not who I am anymore.

That's perfect for you.

That's perfect.

That's perfect.

That's profiling

That's ridiculous. I'm Deirdre Robespierre

That's right, Titus. The text.

That's right.

That's right. And you're gonna tuck her in and go to college.

That's right. Real *******

That's so funny that you'll be on the Mets cruise,

That's so your butt looks good.

That's terrific, Benny

That's the business, pally!

That's the cool way of saying "merchandise."

That's the dream

That's the last place I saw them, so that's where they must be.

That's the missing puzzle piece.

That's the price of freedom, Zach!

That's the rules they did while you were in the bunker.

That's the worst one.

That's to dip bread in.

That's to dip bread in.

That's too bad,

That's weird.

That's what crew is!

That's what I said!

That's what I thought.

That's what persons do.

That's when all of the child actors have to go to school,

That's where all the old people commercials are

That's who I used to be,

That's why he's so sweaty.

That's why I have to go to that Army base four weeks a year.

That's why I need someone here to run interference.

That's why I quit Columbia.

That's why I wanted to talk to you first.

That's why I'd never let my kids play football.

That's why I'm just going to school now.

That's why it took me so long to realize

That's why my boys play soccer.

That's why they call me Catchin' Titus

That's why you need to vote for any candidate but Lillian.

That's why you were all over me like yellow on teeth.

That's you, right?

That's your coat?

That's your snake voice?

The the Skank Kink shidn't

The "bonorcaphant" protects us from men.

The alpha female surrounds herself

The Atlantic is too warm,

The auction house, not Christie's Discount Belts.

The baby's name is Linda?

The bandages will come off tomorrow.

The bathroom is a mess.

The beauty of it is, they already hate their wives for bringing them.

The best gravlax is served inside a sauna.

The Bible says the heart is the wellspring of life.

The big 4 0

The black cartridge ran out, and I'm no longer welcome at Office Max.

The bladder isn't a hero.

The Bodyguard 2: Guard Her Harder?

The bonobo, genetically our closest relative..

The boy has no father. It's a sad story.

The bucket is here if you need it.

The bus was going pretty fast.

The call dropped again.

The Canadian Army!

The chair reluctantly recognizes Lillian Kaushtupper.

The chicken is a rescue we're raising as a child.

The chicken slaughterhouse, yes.

The choir director's your nephew?

The clones are not convincing.

The clothes just took me here, Lillian.

The Coast Guard has closed the Port of New York

The Columbia House band?

The concept of woman is a myth invented to oppress us.

The Countess is supposed to shove me into a koi pond.

The Dallas Piano Lessons!

The dance move?

The data says Tammi with an I is gonna hammer New York

The days went on like this.

The divorce papers are in the mail.

The divorce. Her boyfriend getting smooshed.

The doctors say I could have a year, maybe two.

The dog ate them.

The donkey isn't actually rational

The donkey won't be able to choose one over the other,

The downside is I'd have to pretend to like children and endorse sharing.

The drinking, the clothes, the all night French a thons.

The Easter Krampus!

The Easter Krampus!

The elephant is surprisingly sneaky.

The end of the world?

The famous Donna.

The FBI is out there, and they have guns,

The first female clown.

The first female judge,

The Fucillos were weavers in the old country.

The gas is on on every one of these burners.

The gel is slipping into my leg again!

The gluten free Hawaiian is mine, by the way.

The grandmother from Who's the Boss? once told me

The greatest good for the greatest number of people.

The greatest good for the greatest number of people.

The hello kind. Don't hang up!

The historic importance of this site?

The Houston WNBAs.

The inside's all wet.

The Internet.

The Kansas City Islams.

The key is being able to cry on cue.

The key to the whole thing is me winning over Russ's dad.

The last time I saw you,

The league has enough problems

The league loves it, because the retired players

The lights work for you.

The little hat from Monopoly.

The monster masquerading as "moy."

The Morey's Pier Wild Mouse Ride,

The murderer or a regular guy accepted your bid.

The music, the stories, the hats!

The musical was Mahogany.

The name you already have. Duh!

The neck is just a skin tube

The new semester starts in a couple weeks,

The news is gonna say,

The nubs massage your vocal cords on the way down.

The number one selling jersey last year was Colin Kaepernick,

The ocean

The Ocean Sink didn't shank

The Ocean Skank didn't sink.

The Ocean Skank sank so fast, it wasn't even on the news.

The Ocean Skank sank. The Ocean Skank sank.

The old ladies are better at finding the quotes.

The old messed up me is still stuck in the Net

The one person isn't Hitler.

The one who's always threatening to kill children

The only ingredient is "chunks."

The only Linda I know is my aunt's friend.

The only microaggression was when he called us "guys."

The only music we had when the lights went out in the bunker

The only place that published anything from my scripture is The New Yorker,

The only reason anyone would marry Russ

The only reason I brought him up was so you and I could talk

The only thing I could do then was run away,

The only thing that never goes out of style

The only thing that stopped Bernice was the pressure and the sugar.

The only thing you're doing is waiting in the car.

The only time I stoop that low

The only way I'd be Mrs. Wayne is if I'm Batman's mom,

The orca are highly social animals...

The Osen Shank didn't skink

The other day my wife spent a million dollars on a painting.

The other day, he suggested we split a dessert.

The other day, he tried to kiss me.

The other students will be all like,

The pamphlet says I should also

The peacock is our gift to you.

The Ping Pong paddle that Forrest Gump used to defeat the Chinese.

The point is, I failed, okay?

The point is, you should pursue

The problem is the writing.

The problem is, this song is deeply offensive.

The producer of Sesame Street is Mr. Lonny Dufrene.

The rash from the sushi is real bad!

The recipe and a real marriage with someone who loves him.

The recipe.

The reflection on the water burned my eyes

The Reverend said I need to lose five pounds first

The Reverend wants to marry you, okay?

The Snyders cannot know I'm Sioux. No one can.

The Solstice Sunglasses Outlet,

The stronger, the better.

The strongest they had.

The T train? That's the

The TaskRabbit contract was written

The team needs a new head of PR,

The Tennessee Bath Lovers!

The thing is, bitch doesn't have to have your money.

The thing she wants you to put together is over there.

The top and bottom are both smooth innies,

The trash picked baby monitor I hid in here

The tweezers from Operation.

The two of us need to talk.

The university should've removed that offensive crest ages ago.

The unloved, the little guy,

The unthinkable.

The usual.

The Washington Gun Takers.

The whole board is against me.

The wind can be slow, Kimmy.

The world can fight its wars, do its hashtag protests,

The world is a Vidalia onion.

The world is ending.

The world was my bathroom, Kimmy.

The worst thing Titus has ever done...

The Yakuza cut out my tongue.

Then a soft serve chocolate ice cream emoji,

Then go in there and get them to stop masturbating so much.

Then he'll ask, "Are you sometimes called 'Homey'?"

Then how come this is the only kind of news coverage I get?

Then how do you zip or button it?

Then I thought maybe they were saying "goatsing," like,

Then I'd forget about my stupid hang ups

Then maybe this is for the best.

Then she can't find her keys,

Then this will all be over!

Then we can expose her to the whole church.

Then we start phase two.

Then what redheaded snake offered me this apple?

Then what's that stuff that looks like fruit?

Then when Giuliani needs one,

Then why are you dressed like that?

Then you wake up, and it's two rats fighting over a hard boiled egg

Then you won't. We'll find you another job.

Then you'll say

There are a lot of ways to help people,

There are many different kinds of intelligence.

There are several cons to your argument.

There are still Hillary balloons in the ceiling.

There for years.

There is a storm coming.

There is a woman in this class!"

There is no Cindy Sherman.

There is such a thing as good change.

There must be something good about us.

There she is!

There was a hot dog in that bun. I was just trying to get another one.

There was always a nanny or a horse

There was no robbery. I shot myself.

There was no way we were gonna hire you.

There wouldn't be any pimps.

There you go.

There's a 40% chance they'll have external funk sacs.

There's a chubby white girl outside crying

There's a lot more to me than the bunker.

There's a whole chapter about it in Art of the Deal.

There's got to be a way I can have my cake and eat it, too.

There's little Flash

There's more videos of you on there.

There's no greater good than sacrificing yourself for other people.

There's no Kinko's in this neighborhood.

There's no way Duke won't tell him.

There's nothing that yuppie feeding trough has

There's nothing wrong with Reuben, but he's not right.

There's only one reason they're saying that to me,

There's only one way to find out.

There's someone you need to meet

There's something I've been wanting to ask you.

There's too many layers, Isabellica.

These are Doc Goodens.

These are good people.

These are real cardboard people.

These are the first street philosophers

These clothes aren't me.

These people are the bad guys.

These say they're for all ages,

They also said I went from "slop job to top dog,"

They also said I went from "slop job to top dog,"

They both seem equally good or bad, and I'm just stuck in the middle.

They burn it and buy another one next week

They can communicate using infrasound.

They can't get married.

They collect gossip like Tituses collect expired deli meats,

They cut me off like I'm some "who cares" fluff piece

They googled me, like I'm some kind of unlikely animal friendship.

They gossip and put other people down so they can feel superior.

They got a 20 year patent.

They got oranges here.

They had a saying...

They have gnomes there. I'm gonna touch a gnome.

They have to accept me as one of them, which means they have to think I'm white

They have to do it.

They just give a generous donation to the hospital and cut the line.

They just made him up to scare kids.

They keep it for life,

They learn how to put peanut butter on bread.

They never went to Ruff gers University

They Photoshopped a vest on me to make that one work.

They said I should print it off an email?

They sent your brother to Gitmo.

They showed me your audition.

They think I'm some rich brat who got in 'cause of her money.

They think their pits don't stink

They try to scare you for ratings.

They turned me into a bladder.

They use this as an excuse to be as shady as they want to be.

They used every part of the Titus,

They were laughing and touching arms

They were your babies, Mrs. Furfur.

They'll never hire me again in a million years!

They'll never make a YUKO that can watch a hole better than a human

They're all babies.

They're allowed to stay up late.

They're basically un flushed toilets.

They're called sex workers,

They're everywhere.

They're executing my best man in three days,

They're just doing normal, dumb teenager stuff.

They're just smiling.

They're letting me produce my own show about women on campus.

They're my babies.

They're not chickens.

They're not gonna know who you are!

They're not hypocrites because..

They're registered at Modell's, FYI.

They're riddled with STDs.

They've had a P.I. following you around for months,

Things will work out.

Think about it. I'm running for District Council.

Think of all the time and energy

Think of the exposure for the team.

Thinking every van I see is gonna kidnap me.

Thinking Winston was taking me to a fancy Italian restaurant

Thinks she can come down here from Boston

This can't be happening.

This chick got bunkered!

This doesn't work in reverse.

This gal! I voted!

This guy wants someone to come to his apartment

This is 'cause Cork Rockingham found out about the baloney!

This is a mess 'cause you made it a mess.

This is a New York None "Weather on the Nones" update.

This is a News 4 weather alert.

This is all in your own head

This is America. Speak English.

This is Artie again, Titus.

This is Big Pharma we're talking about, man.

This is fun!

This is fun.

This is getting out of hand.

This is gonna take some getting used to.

This is great news.

This is hard lemonade.

This is it!

This is it! Shut the hell up, Kimmy.

This is making me sad.

This is making my head all tingly, like that time I put Pop Rocks on a Q tip.

This is making my head all tingly, like that time I put Pop Rocks on a Q tip.

This is my bunker, and it's gonna be

This is my company.

This is my dad's girlfriend.

This is my mom and dad,

This is my work number

This is not brunch

This is obvious.

This is real.

This is so dramatic...

This is so exciting!

This is so frustrating!

This is the best night of my life!

This is the funker!

This is the South Doggypaws stop on the T train.

This is Titus.

This is typical Wendy and Richard stuff.

This is what I found on the web for Roland Peacock.

This is what I get for having children with a woman.

This is why everybody hates you, Kyle.

This is your places call for top of show.

This isn't about you being a woman, Gretchen.

This isn't happening!

This isn't healthy, Lillian.

This isn't how it's supposed to go for either of us.

This isn't just your run of the mill cock block no more.

This morning, it was Michigan.

This morning's reading is from Saint James.

This must be Kimmy.

This past year has not been as effortless

This place is awesome!

This place seems great,

This puzzle is still in the shrink wrap,

This song... this is me, man.

This stage is your chance.

This white girl can just, like, walk in and sign up?

This whole place is a wolves' nest.

This'll make people

Those 35 years of carbo loading are paying off.

Those are all things the woman wants to do.

Those are worth money at the end.

Those bastards.

Those jobs last forever!

Those pastries were supposed to be for all day.

Those poor people and endangered animals won't even know what hit 'em.

Those Real Housewife shows are popular, right?

Those rich white folks

Those soulful eyes of his.

Those were stationary bikes.

Three hours cruising from Flushing Bay to Citi Field.

Through the old rebar.

Through!

Throw the key out the bathroom window

Throw these away, though, right?

Throw urine at Al Roker."

Throw water on it!

Throwing stuff at anyone who looks like they're in love.

Thumbs are for hitchhiking and being Fonzie.

Thumby thumby thumby thumby.

Tie tie gets the screamies when he's nervous.

Tigers go on boats,

Tim made zoodles

Tim! Tim, come here.

Time to burn some merch.

Time to find out what your dream is.

Time to go fudge up a weatherman.

Tired of feeling like a loser.

Titu Cork!

Titus and Kimmy... grown ups!

Titus Andromedon Damn it!

Titus Andromedon, star on the rise.

Titus Andromedon.

Titus Apollonia Andromedon.

Titus has been sitting here for quite some time.

Titus is doing great.

Titus is gonna take care of everything.

Titus is growing. You are devastated.

Titus needed fresh fruit,

Titus,

Titus, after that audition, we knew two things.

Titus, are you okay?

Titus, are you serious?

Titus, come on.

Titus, don't make this about you.

Titus, don't ruin this for me.

Titus, help me find that stupid puzzle piece.

Titus, I don't feel good!

Titus, I know you don't believe me,

Titus, I know you don't believe me,

Titus, I never told him we were together

Titus, I owe you one.

Titus, I'm building a bunker,

Titus, I'm impressed.

Titus, I'm proud of you

Titus, I've been hurt very badly

Titus, I've been thinking a lot about God lately.

Titus, I've never seen you like this.

Titus, it's signing time!

Titus, it's signing time!

Titus, it's you.

Titus, Jeff has never hit on me.

Titus, just use our bathroom.

Titus, listen.

Titus, Mikey's a good guy.

Titus, no one will listen to me.

Titus, please. I have a family.

Titus, that doesn't

Titus, they're having choir auditions tomorrow.

Titus, this is Andrew.

Titus, wait.

Titus, welcome to the golden age of television.

Titus, what happened last night?

Titus, what happened on that cruise?

Titus, what happened with Mahogany?

Titus, Xan has a TV show

Titus, you are home.

Titus, you haven't paid your share of the rent since you've been back.

Titus, you make Patti LaBelle sound like Barry White.

Titus, you were away for months on that cruise.

Titus, you were right about Miss Clara.

Titus, you were right.

Titus, you're a genius!

Titus, you're a nobody.

Titus, you're the real deal, man.

Titus!

Titus!

Titus! I knew it.

Titus?

Titus?

Titus?

Titus?

Titus.

Titus.

Titus.

Titus.

Titus. Charmed, you're sure.

Titus...

[email protected]...

To a fifth gay baby meeting date?

To a registered sex offender in Indiana, are you?

To a wife who agrees a little too readily.

To apply to college.

To be honest, I don't do a lot of cardio anymore.

To be honest, not great.

To be honest, this may be a little bit my fault

To be so loud.

To be sweeter...

To be the new face of the Washington Gun Takers.

To beef up my college application.

To book you a gig, I handled your many tantrums

To change the name of the Redskins

To dry out some pants she peed in.

To escape the persecution of the cow owners.

To finally clean up this blighted waterfront

To get a seat on the bus

To get advice from a unlicensed psychiatrist

To get more jobs in HR.

To get pumped for workouts.

To guide the pod to their traditional feeding grounds.

To help Dartmouth students learn to read?

To his Yankee Candle loyalty account,

To jump back into his life.

To jump back into his life.

To keep rich, white A holes like this

To keep the party tunes coming.

To listen to you and Kimmy.

To lure Irish children into their factories.

To make me leave and start a new life.

To make you think you pinched yourself?

To me

To not recommend restaurants I love to tourists.

To our new chairman

To our petite école

To pass the semester, what do I have to get?

To play a non speaking child in Broadway's Matilda.

To promote my appearance on

To prove a point!

To prove I'm a good person.

To quote Elsa, "Let it go!"

To see a double rainbow

To see if they could put a messenger on a plane

To see if they were a group, a person, or a diet plan.

To skip the line, get a new heart?

To stand up for the little guy.

To such a bah sic choir would be just like what Jesus did.

To take a GED graduation photo?

To the clothing drive!

To the launch party for Skinnygirl baby formula this weekend.

To the NFL owners meeting this year.

To truly get Orson to trust Jacqueline,

To vote no on this cleanup.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

To what end?

To whatever dusty, crocheted toilet paper doll agreed to that,

To young women all over the world who busted.

To, like, an octopus?

Today I am here to announce

Together.

Toight.

Toilet paper use is up.

Told by good guys like you.

Told you bitches I so famous.

Toldja!

Tomorrow at 7:00 a.m., you can find Mr. Dufrene

Tomorrow?

Tonight in the student lounge.

Tonight is a big night.

Too bad,

Too little, too late.

Took me years to get here.

Touch butts?

Tough crowd. That was solid.

Toyoga!

Toyoga!

Trademark me, 1994

Trigger warning, I'm about to say "bunker."

True, true.

True, true.

Trump University.

Trump University.

Trust me. I know this world.

Try not to get too much Doritos powder on it.

Trying to bury her wet sheets in the garden has a TV show.

Trying to feed slices of bologna into an ATM?

Trying to get in my pants?

TSA doesn't allow weapons on planes,

Tugboat? W what tugboat?

Turn on the news.

Turn on the TV!

Turns its back on me so I'm just looking at butts.

Turns out you're not a good guy

Turns out, I didn't wear it better than "Sulangee Kuhnowless," Kimmy.

TV is computers now.

TV/VCR Repair, Sandwich Arts, Murder for Hire.

Two can play at this game.

Two fire hydrants were recently destroyed

Two gay men can't just be friends,

Two hundred

Two months without her, you poisoned a Grammy winner.

Two thousand dollars?

Two:

Type "girl poops pants at spelling bee."

Typical cruise stuff.

Ugh, but the lyrics.

Ugh, come on, Kimmy.

Ugh, I hate them. They're liars.

Ugh, I'm so lonely.

Ugh, it's such a bummer, and she's always like,

Ugh, it's the scurvy talking.

Ugh, Kimmy, with you,

Ugh, no.

Ugh, she busted!

Ugh, you moron.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh! If only there were another TV liar you could confront first.

Ugh! Run, Lillian!

Ugh! Whistle noise!

Ugh! Why would I want to be with a bunch of skinny virgins

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Ah.

Ugh. Get it together, Africa.

Ugh. It was hard to track down 'cause I went to so many places today.

Ugh...

Uh huh, from... you know who.

Uh huh, uh huh. I overstand.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. And why would she do that?

Uh huh. Well, Clara's gonna talk to Reuben tomorrow.

Uh oh, my vat brain is telling my imaginary arm to high five!

Uh oh!

Uh oh. I see what happened.

Uh uh, ain't nobody tracking what this says about you.

Uh uh, girl.

Uh uh! Uh uh!

Uh uh.

Uh, all right.

Uh, and if you're here

Uh, break it down!

Uh, can I drop you off someplace?

Uh, dinner is vegan, of course

Uh, fruits and vegetables

Uh, I don't know.

Uh, I don't know. Philosophy?

Uh, I gotta get back to work.

Uh, I'm sure you're used to talking to the help that way, Xan,

Uh, is Linda D. proud of her nephew?

Uh, it's about the Phaedo,

Uh, just prepping for a raging party.

Uh, let's schedule him first up

Uh, newspapers.

Uh, no, it's weird.

Uh, oh, here's a fun fact.

Uh, put on a Holocaust movie till I get there.

Uh, rash...

Uh, shrooms? Lids?

Uh, that's a beautiful scarf.

Uh, we should get ready.

Uh, well...

Uh, what we did wrong ever again.

Uh, when's lunch?

Uh, you can print out your résumé whenever you're ready.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... trigger word... um...

Um, come in.

Um, hi. My name's Perry.

Um, just for regular reasons

Um, no.

Um, okay.

Um, so...

Um, somehow.

Um, the Ivy League doesn't actually award..

Um, women can do anything.

Um..

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... bunker flashback.

Um... what?

Unbelievable!

Under Reagan, most of them got replaced by jellybean stands

Under the steamroller!

Under!

Unless it's actually from Lake Champlain.

Unless it's dead.

Unless my Tinder date tonight

Unless you're a hippo

Unlike the moon landing, the Kennedy assassination,

Unlike you, I have some self respect,

Unlimited?

Unloved little creature,

Unrelated question:

Until everything was white

Until my little promotion today, I was head of PR for the Redskins.

Until the ratings come in.

Up and down the East Coast.

Up here, you'll be something that Andrew could never be:

Up next, the Seattle Raisins That You Think Are Chocolate Chips.

Us two?

Us, helping the crap out of them.

Used and thrown away.

Using a toilet is how corporations collect our DNA.

Usually, you say you didn't eat something

Utilitarianism.

Vanity plates you ordered while intoxicated.

Vaseline or...

Very active, tennis group, the whole thing

Very funny.

Very funny.

Very... because two weeks ago,

Vidalia onions.

Viewership is down almost 10%, ad revenue is falling,

Villain?

Voice evaluation complete.

Voice evaluation complete.

Voice mail again.

Voorhees Hall is you!

Waffles don't travel!

Wah, wah.

Wait

Wait

Wait a minute. Why are you still here?

Wait till you meet my assistant, Kimberly.

Wait until you hear my signal.

Wait, a lady reverend?

Wait, how did you know that I'm a that I was a Mole Woman?

Wait, just wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, Mimi Kanassis with the butt implants?

Wait, now I'm picturing being with Artie.

Wait, seriously?

Wait, so you think this is gonna be a proposal?

Wait, Titus. Why are you back?

Wait, what about horses?

Wait, what are you saying?

Wait, where's the last piece?

Wait, why were you on the lifeboat?

Wait, you played the lead part?

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. Are you gonna burn that?

Wait. He doesn't like me?

Wait. I've got a big chemistry lab tomorrow.

Wait. Should I be mugging you?

Wait. This whole time you didn't get paid?

Wait. Wait. How did he

Wait. What time is it?

Wait. Where's all the firewood?

Wait. Who's she?

Wait. Why is Artie Goodman on a waiting list?

Wait. You chose to drop out?

Wait. You guys are friends now?

Wait. You're back from the cruise?

Walk her through what Edward Furlong looks like now, and then...

Wango tango!

Want to flood my basement and rust my Bowflex?

Want to take a free career test?

Want to take boner pills and go to an aquarium?

Wanted to smuggle the family spoon out of Poland.

Warwick burn!

Was a scathing haiku about... you.

Was everything you told us a lie?

Was found later that night.

Was he funny in the bunker, Kimmy?

Was I not supposed to have any friends?

Was I talking to you, glasses?

Was it the the dead wife part?

Was just a friend, why were you wearing your date night clothes?

Was me!

Was me.

Was my reward for everything I did

Was shot in the face by you, Lillian!

Was stabbed to dea."

Was that anything?

Was that little girl singing in Latin

Was to treat him like that shot girl who thought you were my daughter...

Was very hard on me.

Was when the The Guinness Book of World Records came

Wash it and be downstairs in five

Watch out!

Watch out. Non stationary bike.

Water doesn't melt buildings!

Water to refill New Jersey's many above ground pools.

We all are, praise Jesus.

We all make mistakes, Sister Kimmy.

We almost died trying to fit into your shower.

We always have Meemaw's famous corn pudding.

We are so glad that you're part of the family now

We based the Urethrex bladder on you.

We better get inside.

We both shot people in the face,

We call it Dumpster Sassy, but, yes.

We can print a copy of that hammer

We can print a copy of that hammer

We can print those papers right here in our home.

We can steal candy bars,

We can't be out in the rain at our age.

We can't get decent medical care,

We can't have you around schools or ducklings.

We can't see each other at all?

We caught on fire, and the ship sank,

We could actually get married on Fried Chicken Night.

We could cozy up down here.

We couldn't believe it when we saw your picture in Hot Beef.

We didn't even wait to get home.

We do.

We don't have a flag.

We don't have powers.

We don't have salt or limes,

We don't have to do anything.

We don't know he's not a zombie.

We each took a huge bite.

We each took a huge bite.

We ended up not giving this to Jimmy Smits

We fought for the same ideals.

We get in, we get out,

We get it.

We got about eight minutes left.

We got everything we need right here.

We got to blimp back to D.C. after the engagement party.

We got to shut it down.

We had to run a standard background check.

We handwrite our flyers like our ancestors did.

We have a whole new plan now. It all hit me like a truck.

We have expired Trojans, Safeway Select,

We have practice at five a.m.

We have raised over $200,000, five cars for kids,

We just got group SMS

We just have to make a cool, new app.

We just made out in the street.

We know, Titus.

We may never get conjugal visits,

We met when I ran that free dentistry van in Hell's Kitchen.

We met while protesting Nixon.

We need to catch her red handed.

We only get to see each other an hour a week.

We only invite the most interesting people, of course.

We only learn from books and scrolls and Wait, what?"

We own the Redskins. They own the Giants.

We own your voice, your likeness, and your unique sense of style.

We replaced all our teeth.

We sat in the parking lot, and, on three,

We screamed at each other two to three hours a day,

We should be in D.C. in 30 to 40 hours,

We should head out too, babe.

We spoke on the phone.

We suck!

We used to hook up.

We want to be sure that you know

We wanted to discuss your experiences

We were calling WFAN for weeks trying to win tickets,

We were very upset she was holding up contract negotiations

We were way off.

We will be preserving the staircase

We would have called, but... you're kind of what we're protesting.

We, uh, Krazy Glued our wieners together.

We?

We'd be on the lam together.

We'll be building a footbridge

We'll be bulletproof.

We'll be here all night.

We'll catch our death.

We'll just tell them you're our Emotional Support Human.

We'll kill each other.

We'll never do...

We'll order sushi, open some wine, and when he calls...

We'll probably have to move to Hart Island,

We'll see you later at the Maras'

We'll talk again tomorrow,

We're actually headed upstate for the weekend.

We're all missing something, Kimmy.

We're all out of Pixy Stix.

We're building a ramp!

We're getting to the best part: shopping!

We're going on a Mets opening day party cruise.

We're going to Storm King!

We're going to the gizmo store.

We're going upstairs as soon as the cats stop

We're gonna Iktomi my family.

We're gonna play those board games I found in the trash.

We're gonna stop you.

We're gonna throw it down!

We're here to ask Jesus!

We're here to protest the Redskins, Jackie Lynn.

We're just playing "Spin the Bottle," and it got out of hand.

We're not letting the Reverend near you.

We're on our way to kick a little old lady out of church

We're on strike!

We're sorry.

We're talking about a baby named Linda.

We're tapping the keg at nine,

We've all done it.

We've been to condominiums and such.

We've got 20 minutes.

We've gotta tell on her before she tells on you.

Wearing a graduation cap I once saw,

Wearing my sunglasses and plugged my seasick porthole

Weird, you look just like that guy

Welcome to our home.

Welcome to the Redskins family!

Welcome, and I will see you tonight.

Well maybe I'll just put Lil' Lisa on the phone

Well observed, Buckley.

Well said, Samjamin.

Well, a strict ethical altruist would say

Well, asking those questions is what philosophy is all about.

Well, at least it was your decision.

Well, at least your wife is still hot.

Well, at some point, those Lindas must have been babies.

Well, Big Pharma, I'm gonna make you wish

Well, college was a waste of time.

Well, downstairs, a group of very angry Native Americans

Well, eight.

Well, either way,

Well, either way, it'll do the trick.

Well, excuse me, Kimmy.

Well, good for you.

Well, good for you.

Well, good thing I have $2,000 saved...

Well, great talk.

Well, he died, didn't he?

Well, he won't suspect a thing unless one of us cracks

Well, he's gonna have to ask my parents first.

Well, here I am.

Well, here's your chance to do a good deed.

Well, hurricanes make people very sexual.

Well, I also know things.

Well, I always say,

Well, I can't just sit here

Well, I didn't murder anybody,

Well, I don't give a rip for outer beauty

Well, I don't want my bunker stuff on the Internet.

Well, I guess I'd be heading to class to see my...

Well, I guess we'll be

Well, I guess you've got it all figured out.

Well, I hate to say I told you so,

Well, I have the organs of a 35 year old Guatemalan gardener.

Well, I have to brag to someone, and talking to Kimmy about guys

Well, I just checked on the chicken.

Well, I just don't want to be in the middle of it

Well, I just saw your TaskRabbit review.

Well, I think we know what you are.

Well, I think you're right.

Well, I think you've forgotten I can...

Well, I was, but only because my mother

Well, I wasn't expecting this meeting to happen till tonight,

Well, I'll give you a call?

Well, I'm also seeing someone.

Well, I'm always wrong the other way!

Well, I'm certainly flattered that you liked my tape.

Well, I'm coming with you.

Well, I'm done failing

Well, I'm Gordy.

Well, I'm not giving up

Well, I'm not that kid anymore.

Well, I'm off to bed, Titus.

Well, I'm proud of you.

Well, I've already recorded all the instrumental tracks

Well, if it helps, I refuse to harm the tick that's in my beard

Well, if you really want to get the word out,

Well, in my country,

Well, isn't that just wonderful?

Well, it depends.

Well, it is.

Well, it was 2016 when I said it.

Well, it wasn't very nice of me.

Well, it would raise awareness.

Well, it's good to see you, but I'm kinda on the clock,

Well, it's like you said, right?

Well, Jacqueline, you were wrong.

Well, jewelry's a good start.

Well, Kimmy,

Well, let me prove you wrong.

Well, let... Let me just...

Well, let's see how fast you can run to it.

Well, listen, I need a little pick me up.

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

Well, my 18 hour bra busted out about four hours ago,

Well, my boyfriend invited me to a Seder with his kids.

Well, now this thing wants a fingerprint.

Well, now, Sesame Street is casting,

Well, pardon my French,

Well, pick up the cat and put on flip flops,

Well, rich people don't wait for organs.

Well, she's here, and she brought corn pudding.

Well, suit yourself.

Well, thank you for stopping in.

Well, thank you so much.

Well, thank you,

Well, thank you.

Well, that certainly explains...

Well, that doesn't necessarily mean...

Well, that's awesome.

Well, that's class.

Well, that's just Tevin.

Well, that's new.

Well, the doctor said that Russ may never come...

Well, the Hispaniolan solenodon...

Well, the joke's on them, 'cause now I have proof.

Well, then game on, brotato.

Well, then I have a task for you.

Well, then we best get going.

Well, there you are, Lappy!

Well, there's this one song that's really special to me.

Well, this is me.

Well, this is the life I was willing to lead to stay with Roger,

Well, this is what we're doing tonight,

Well, to hear him tell it, you were no picnic either.

Well, um, my mentor, Peter Singer from Princeton University...

Well, unlike Jesus, I'm not just gonna give up.

Well, we know he can still poop.

Well, we were all teenagers once, right?

Well, we'll find a Hampton Inn with a business center.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Well, what did Mikey say when you talked to him about it?

Well, what exactly do you have on there?

Well, what if we get to Sweden, and this heart machine

Well, what kind of job do you want?

Well, what's done is done.

Well, yes, but

Well, yes, technically, but only to help Wendy.

Well, you can make it all go away.

Well, you can say your good byes now.

Well, you could always get yourself a rich husband.

Well, you know how she gets when she goes to the drugstore.

Well, you live with a grown woman named Kimmy.

Well, you promised to give me acting lessons

Well, you were a lot of help!

Well, you'll have to tell me about it

Well, you're gonna have to pass the test.

Well, you're not perfect either,

Well...

Well... I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then

Wendy, are you maybe like that lady

Wendy, I...

Wendy.

Wendy...

Were just opportunities for me to grow,

Were meant to be read aloud.

Were you cheating on me?

Were you spying on Mikey again?

Wha...

What a disaster.

What a nice old

What a surprise!

What a terrible surprise.

What a treat!

What a year I'm having!

What am I supposed to do with this, Russ?

What an unexpected pleasure.

What are the odds?

What are we doing here? Who are we meeting?

What are we going to do in the dark?

What are we, idiots?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing to protect

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you saying, Lindas?

What are you saying, Titus?

What are you still doing here, Ti

What are you talking about?

What are you taping?

What are you? Irish?

What can he do that I can't?

What did I do wrong with this one?

What did I just say?

What did my son say?

What did those people do to get banned?

What did you do?

What Dionne Warwick was so jealous of in your imagination.

What do I have that screams "white lady"?

What do I need to learn Mandarin for?

What do tigers have to do with saving the toilet rat?

What do you do here?

What do you expect?

What do you mean "again," Titus?

What do you mean "in the family"?

What do you mean how do I know him?

What do you mean, what kind of stuff would she do?

What do you see here, Kimmy?

What do you think he was whispering into those shells?

What do you think they'd say about how crazy it is

What do you wanna do?

What do you want me to do?

What do you want to study?

What do you want, Kimmy?

What does it even mean that he wants to be a normal reverend?

What does it mean to be a good person, and how do you make those choices?

What does one even wear

What does that even mean?

What does that have to do with

What does that make me, hmm?

What happened last night?

What happened to Dionne Warwick?

What happened?

What happens to all this when I take a shower?

What haven't you told me?

What he did to Sharon.

What I want is to help people.

What if a rat lived in there and it had babies in a wig?

What if he's a murderer?

What if I get electrocuted?

What if that had been the guy from Golden Corral?

What if you die during sex

What if you mess up?

What if, instead, I talked about my style icons?

What is it?

What is that?

What is this place?

What is wrong with you as a human being?

What is wrong with you?

What it's like to be the underdog, I'm gonna have to pile some dogs on you.

What just happened?

What kind of name is Jeff? Ew.

What movie were you watching?

What right do I have to know who they are?

What Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone did to jazz.

What sad and crazy lady would marry the Reverend on purpose.

What the foop is this soup?

What the foop is this soup?

What the foop?

What the fudge are you doing, you crazy motherfudger?

What the heck you're doing...

What the heck's a "minton"?

What the hell are we even doing here, then?

What the hell are you still doing here?

What the hell are you wearing?

What the hell happened out there?

What the hell, Lillian?

What the hell's going on?

What the living hell was that?

What was the bear wearing?

What we're trying to do here.

What white nonsense is this?

What will it take to make you come home?

What will you say at my funeral now that you've killed me?

What, Xan, are you afraid I'm gonna embarrass you

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Are you serious? It's Richard

What? Can't a father hug his son?

What? Dang it, she took my phone.

What? Did something happen to the tumbleweed?

What? How?

What? I haven't made anything.

What? Just me?

What? Nailed it!

What? No, I don't care about Sheryl.

What? No, I know people have legs.

What? No!

What? No!

What? No.

What? No.

What? No. Who's this?

What? Perry, that's not a thing.

What? Pfft. No.

What? She's not in there!

What? There was a reason for this lifetime of grooming?

What? What are you talking about?

What? You failed out?

What? You're gonna marry him?

What... what's the problem?

What'd I tell you?

What's a Shrek?

What's going on here, man?

What's going on here, Russ?

What's going on here?

What's going on?

What's going on? Oh!

What's got two hands, two feet,

What's happening, do you think?

What's happening?

What's he worth? Is his penis weird?

What's it this time?

What's it to you?

What's salty and covers 70% of the Earth?

What's that noise?

What's the camera for?

What's the point?

What's the single most important thing to everyone in this room?

What's this rash?

What's wrong, sweetie?

What's your secret?

Whatever he normally gets, I'll pay double.

Whatever that was originally, we'll never know.

Whatever this is and say what you need to say.

Whatever you do, don't tell her to calm down.

Whatever you got looks like worse than a cold.

Whatever you need

Whatever.

Whatever. I bet you can't pick me up like a baby

Whatever. You're doing it.

When a fan buys a jersey,

When a girl behaves like that at the beginning

When a lady draws circles with her finger in a guy's

When are you gonna do it already?

When did you lose your husband?

When he comes at me,

When he gets back, let's go on a double date.

When he got mad, he'd lock us in something he called "the toolbox"

When I brought you a bouquet, you ate it.

When I eat lunch on a beam, I can see your roof.

When I first moved to New York,

When I was a kid, everyone called me Lulu.

When I was a kid, there was a story on the news

When I was little, I wanted to be a professional horse brusher,

When I'll be 80,

When I'm wearing a fudging "Kimmy" necklace?

When it clearly says, "Take a penny."

When my best friend

When she got her period,

When she said kudos to you, what did that mean?

When the polar bears aren't sad?

When true Lindas must ripen,

When was the last time you played this?

When we greeted our neighbors, I hugged three new people.

When we turned around, you disappeared

When Wendy talks...

When you take a show like The Americans for granted.

When you've got other stuff to think about.

When your resident advisor told me what had happened,

When, like most Americans,

When's chicken?

When's Keith Hernandez gonna do stand up?

Whenever you're ready, Titus

Where am I going? I could eat.

Where am I? I want to go home!

Where are my manners? I'm Mikey Politano.

Where are you even from, sir?

Where are you?

Where if we're both still single by the time we're 40,

Where is everybody?

Where is it? Titus, look for it.

Where no one laughs when you say things like,

Where the most exciting thing that ever happened

Where the stairs just lead to a room with a dirty parasol and a video camera?

Where they bury all the unclaimed bodies.

Where you are invited to share your testimony.

Where'd the documents go?

Whether it's 100 years or she shoots me in the face tomorrow.

Whew.

Whew.

Which can't be a good sign.

Which I did not do.

Which is a machine we have here at Bravo...

Which is a machine we have here at Bravo...

Which is better than somewhere else.

Which is fine. It's fine.

Which is the part of it that the wife

Which is why I brought you this.

Which is why I have no clue

Which is why you should want one of my stores.

Which is why you should want one of my stores.

Which Mara sister is Flash marrying again,

Which means I need to get my own copy of that key.

Which means now I'm invading people's privacy.

Which means now you're the one in control.

Which means that Iktomi can now weave his web

Which one of these scrunchies says,

Which one of you boys wants to do a body shot?

Which one of you is Kimberly?

Which one?

Which pizza it's gonna eat.

Which says something totally different,

Which stands for, "Don't. Mm mm. C ya!"

Which was the right move.

Which way do you send the truck to go?

Which would be exciting if I were a baby or a mermaid.

Which, you know, he hates fried chicken, but he loves the sides

Which'll just set the cats off again.

While enjoying a bank lollipop.

While I drink this glass of water.

While I sing this lost gem

While I was asleep, someone broke in here

While listening to haunted house sound effects.

While we were in the "you know where"?

While you were in the bunker, we found out that Forrest Gump is real.

While you were in the hospital,

White lady!

White lady!

White lady!

White light. White, hot sky.

Who always traps his prey, and that's us

Who are you wearing?

Who cares how rhinos are cooked?

Who cares? I hope it does!

Who consistently replies 'maybe' on Evites.

Who delayed their honeymoon to Westworld...

Who did not sign the waiver.

Who died after falling from a tree they were both climbing.

Who first mistook me for a prostitute.

Who is also a minority...

Who is gonna watch over my valuables?

Who is the dean.

Who knew churches did all this good stuff?

Who knew gyming could be so fun?

Who lie about showering?

Who live in this building.

Who loves Patti LaBelle's pies isn't copying you.

Who married Charles Manson

Who put underwear on me?

Who put underwear on me?

Who puts their mittens on first?

Who said you could talk to my Kimmy?

Who sent you a gift basket?

Who spent 15 years with Dick.

Who stole that brooch from the clothing drive.

Who thinks Hurricane Katrina was a David Copperfield illusion?

Who thinks that just because he has real mayonnaise

Who was tapped to succeed his father, Orson,

Who wind up in the wrong Big Naturals.

Who, me?

Who?

Who's bad for you.

Who's gonna take care of my cats?

Who's Linda? His boss?

Who's ready to party?

Who's simply having an emotional affair with his sister.

Who's that for?

Who's Xan?

Who's your friend?

Who've never crossed a street in their lives?

Whoa

Whoa oh oh...

Whoa, comfy, huh?

Whoa, whoa

Whoa! This is just like Saved by the Bell: The College Years,

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Kimmy landed that dude who was ghosting her.

Whoever did this... is goin' on the wall.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoomp, here this is! Testimony!

Whoomp, there it is!

Whoops

Whose matrilineal society relies on older females

Why are you all here?

Why are you doing the Barbies' hair?

Why are you on the ground like a ground person?

Why are you so strong?!

Why are you still onstage?

Why are you telling me this?

Why are you telling me this?

Why are you wearing a tuxedo?

Why carry a wig around if I don't get to use it?

Why did Colin Kaepernick

Why did you bring those divorce papers in person?

Why did you draw the shades when you went inside the house?

Why didn't I do that? I tell everybody.

Why didn't I pet him? I was right there.

Why didn't you tell me you were in New York?

Why do I feel so...

Why do people keep baring their teeth at me?

Why do people keep saying "glass ceiling" like it's a bad thing?

Why do we even have to go through this? There's no way that marriage was legal.

Why do you have to go to Africa and fight rhino poaching anyway?

Why do you think I'm up here singing this stupid song

Why do you think Santa stays with her?

Why does he stay with her? He could have anyone!

Why does it smell like a hot tub in here?

Why don't our shins have butts?

Why don't you do less talking and focus on your job?

Why don't you go into the bedroom

Why don't you just go out there and surrender?

Why is your hair shorter?

Why is your voice so echoey?

Why isn't Kimmy back?

Why not?

Why not? Come on, it'll be fun

Why should I be responsible for that dusty, crocheted toilet paper doll?

Why the movie Twins is funny.

Why would we want to get drunk?

Why would you do that?

Why would you want to make me think I slept with you?

Why, I'd buy a jersey just to shoot it full of holes!

Why, thank you, Lil' Lisa.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? Just get one of those full scholarships like they gave me.

Why? She's not into white guys

Why? We have photography now.

Why? What did you do?

Why'd you just walk away like that?

Wicker baskets at a beach house

Wilding out, acting crazy.

Will be on page two of my search results,

Will these pythons do, Miss Clara?

Will you drive me to my boyfriend's wife's house later?

Will you introduce me?

Will you make that for me next pancake day?

Winky face, French flag, pumpkin.

With a bunch of cartoon animals.

With a focus on the Viet ma'am war.

With a hit song on the tubes.

With a loaded gun in her tights.

With a new, good experience.

With a pack of loyal sisters

With a sick Titus.

With a steak knife and a bag of ice

With air temps hovering right around freezing...

With an N.

With an unnecessarily low rule number.

With another set of papers.

With cell phone towers.

With ducks in it,

With every Reuben they meet.

With his grandmother's wedding ring.

With my help, these men learn to access their shadows

With New Jersey specific lyrics.

With nothing to eat...

With one of those Sex and the City creatures.

With pages from the holy book.

With smooshing victims,

With the 20th pick of the NFL draft.

With the fancy grocery store.

With the keg's consent, of course.

With this bathroom, and I'm not gonna let you blow it.

With this new chapter in our lives

Withhold that signature, and now it's his turn to feel everything you felt...

Without a pen? Good luck.

Without a scarf

Without giving them the recipe?

Without making the accidentals sound like an accident.

Without murdering Mimi Kanassis,

Without those warnings?

WNBC's NewsYUKO has more

Women can do anything a man can do,

Women really can be anything except president or late night hosts.

Womp womp womp womp!

Wonderful!

Wonderful.

Woof?

Wordplay

Work here often?

Worrying, hiding,

Worse than Russ?

Worth it.

Would even give away her organs to those in need.

Would not give me the answer that I want.

Would you consent to dance with me?

Would you excuse us for a moment, Wendy?

Would you like to donate a dollar

Would you like to take a trip with me?

Would've loved this Russ.

Wow wowee wow.

Wow, I guess it's winter outside, Sister Kimmy.

Wow, I thought you were smart.

Wow, Titus, I

Wow, you have a lovely home.

Wow! They must love you at the frame store.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Are you, um

Wow. Three sugar weeks.

Wow. Titus, I love it, man.

Wrap it up, girl. I'm double parked

Wrecker of my joy.

Wriggling up in here,

Wrong and wrong, Kimmy!

Wrong.

Wrong. She meant the fancy kind of kudos that look like a skirt.

Www dot google dot com

Xan, have you ever googled me?

Xan!

Xan!

Xan!

Xan. Or Zoon. I'm Zoon now.

Xan's rich. You guys are tall.

Xanthippe! And Tony Ravioli!

Y you'll get it?

Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, all I really want is to have a legal marriage with this woman.

Yeah, and all these people look so smart.

Yeah, and I'd only be jealous if he married the cab driver from Wings.

Yeah, and who sings about piña coladas that much?

Yeah, because we're going so hard on the erg.

Yeah, but that's just in a book.

Yeah, but then some of us realized that change sucks eggs

Yeah, I am.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing tonight.

Yeah, I googled myself.

Yeah, I guess if Kimmy wants to go to the party,

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. That was the whole story.

Yeah, I plan on spending the rest of my life with that freaky sister,

Yeah, I played a little football

Yeah, I'm a... I'm Tony Ravioli,

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, I'm just too busy, um...

Yeah, I'm on a pretty serious career track here.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that guy

Yeah, if everyone donated

Yeah, it's just...

Yeah, like in the movies,

Yeah, maybe we don't know, Titus.

Yeah, no.

Yeah, or, "Please pass the government butter."

Yeah, so we can't stay long.

Yeah, sometimes I'm wrong, like with Hermine and Matthew.

Yeah, that takes some getting used to.

Yeah, that was my plan all along.

Yeah, that's a mistake

Yeah, that's the plan

Yeah, that's what you think.

Yeah, that's why it's perfect.

Yeah, the doctor said I could shop at regular clothing stores now.

Yeah, the rich get richer,

Yeah, they spend a lot on R&D,

Yeah, to rub your feet and wash your cereal bowls

Yeah, well, I'm not giving up either.

Yeah, well, it's good here, too!

Yeah, well, none of it ever comes true

Yeah, well, you know, I was hoping you could do me a solid

Yeah, well...

Yeah, what's going on?

Yeah, you know it!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I've never even heard of East Dogmouth.

Yeah. It's gonna be epic. Steve Harvey's performing.

Yeah. Sorry I was so weird earlier.

Yeah. They need someone like you.

Yeah. Why do you think I'm always so nice to you?

Yeah. You said that.

Yep, I am one of the rich A holes

Yep, it was the '80s, and my mom really loved the Bears.

Yep!

Yes, 17 is young to be in college.

Yes, baby Ti ti.

Yes, go do that.

Yes, I am divorced.

Yes, I think my accessories are a little too major for you

Yes, I'm angry right now!

Yes, it might be a huge mistake.

Yes, Linda P.

Yes, Mikey. Hi.

Yes, Mommy.

Yes, Orson Hamrod Snyder.

Yes, perfect. Say crap like that.

Yes, you are.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! I am.

Yes! You will!

Yes.

Yes. I've been known to dampen a libido or two in my day.

Yes. Lending my obscene talents

Yesterday we received some intelligence

Yet another example

Yin to my yin?

Yo, Kimmy, you killed it today at practice.

You What do you want?

You actually did a non lame thing.

You actually love my brother?

You all have to understand what Jacqueline has been through this year.

You all seem so smart, but you don't know

You already got the picture on the box, bitch.

You also have to worry about whales.

You and Russ are both done.

You are like a son to me.

You are like me. You're exactly like me!

You are my sister, and I love you.

You are the most selfish person I have ever met.

You aren't currently married

You aren't going anywhere, Thelma and Puh lease.

You believe this guy?

You best get going, bitch.

You better believe it, baby, baby!

You better call "Bucky With The Good Hair."

You better have a birthmark or a library card, honey,

You better make like me eating beans drunk and spill the beans.

You better not be using up all your data.

You both have to pretend you don't want the last bite.

You brought a priest?

You can bully me.

You can even have that breath you have right now,

You can only control how you choose to respond to it.

You can see everything.

You can stop now. He wants you.

You can tell he's had to overcome a lot.

You can threaten.

You can totally stay here.

You can use it to feed your cats with this automatic cat feeder.

You can't have that here!

You can't imagine.

You can't kick me out of here. One of my fake names is on the lease!

You can't treat her different just 'cause she's...

You can't trust these guys.

You carpet bagging peroxided hooker!

You coming to my day after Valentine's party tonight?

You could be a... unicorn, if you want.

You could be spending a lot of time with them in court after he dies.

You could eat it like an apple.

You creeped him out.

You did not get an A.

You did tell a lie.

You did that to your own son?

You did this to me!

You did what?

You didn't beat me.

You didn't do a terrible thing!

You didn't eat her!

You didn't go to high school because I kidnapped you.

You didn't have a pulse.

You didn't notice this building has my name on it?

You do know how to whistle, don't you, Duke?

You do whatever it takes to get it.

You do?

You don't actually have to sleep with him.

You don't control what time I live in.

You don't even have a car, Titus!

You don't get to decide when I tell people about my heritage, Russ.

You don't get to quit this life.

You don't have a microphone like I do.

You don't have the balls to try.

You don't have to pretend with us.

You don't know her

You don't need to stock up on

You don't talk to anyone from now on.

You don't tell me how to use you either!

You don't tell me how to use you!

You don't understand her.

You don't understand!

You don't understand.

You ever try to do a conference call on speaker?

You expect me to help you?

You fall asleep, dream you're French kissing Ryan Seacrest,

You feel me, baby girl?

You fool!

You forget, I'm a master of self improvement, Kimp Bizkit.

You gave him your real name?

You gave up halfway through a revolving door.

You get his money, the Snyders get you,

You get into a place like Columbia, the world is your oyster.

You gonna answer that?

You got a show to do.

You got another thing coming.

You got cab fare?

You got child hus whats?

You got him a Ping Pong paddle?

You got it all.

You got me, dude.

You got the key. We're square.

You got to admit...

You got to be kidding me!

You got to do something really hard.

You got to get your weight off your back foot.

You got to loosen up that stance, huh?

You got, like, 200 of these dumps.

You guys are being lied to!

You guys must be dying to... touch butts?

You guys were probably starting to think I was made up.

You guys, I'm your RA. I'm not your mom.

You had them all along!

You have a blessed day, Titus.

You have a few hours before the party.

You have an obligation to pull the switch.

You have spent keeping your secret,

You have to draw the nipples on yourself.

You have to learn to be a good person on your own, Titus.

You have to remember, that was months ago.

You have to run it like a female bonobo

You have to talk to Mikey and give him a chance to explain.

You have to tell me when to stop, because I won't!

You have to trick me like a dog.

You haven't seen The Bodyguard.

You heard the man.

You just get some rest.

You just have to trick him into thinking you did.

You just made a mistake.

You just need a comeback.

You just tell the doorman you need a taxi.

You just watch, K Stew.

You know about my... stuff?

You know Dick's guilty, right?

You know I am. Stop it, girl

You know I don't care what you look like, right?

You know I don't care what you look like, right?

You know I don't know that!

You know I don't!

You know I don't!

You know I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

You know I'm afraid of both those things.

You know I'm in prison.

You know I'm not real!

You know I'm only hanging out with you because of a bet

You know it.

You know it's about Linda,

You know it's got a rudder on it?

You know it's okay to step on cracks.

You know it's, like, really hard to get in, right?

You know Playboy doesn't have nudity anymore?

You know that's not short for appetizers, right?

You know that's wrong.

You know they were supposed to stop at 125th,

You know what I love, Titus? Zoos!

You know what I want.

You know what I've always wanted.

You know what would be interesting?

You know what, Titus?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? Come to class with me tomorrow.

You know what? I deserve this!

You know what? I think you won't sign because you're still in love with me.

You know what? I'm gonna get bangs.

You know what? You explain.

You know where kids put those these days?

You know you're in a golden age of television

You know you're pretty looking and such, right?

You know,

You know,

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, a fascinating transition.

You know, during the Potato Famine, the Irish ate grass.

You know, growing up in Mississippi,

You know, gussy up the old head flaps.

You know, he owns those Big Naturals supermarkets.

You know, I got into philosophy to learn how to be a good person,

You know, I once had a stepdad for a month

You know, I saw a white spider the other day.

You know, I should have just stayed Kimmy Smith.

You know, last night, after we sang the theme song to Sister Act,

You know, like an Olympic athlete.

You know, like, go show him what he's missing,

You know, one of us should really fix that carbon monoxide leak.

You know, she's in here a lot.

You know, some people say global warming is a hoax

You know, someday a real rain will come

You know, something like, "Can Homey offer you a glass of water?"

You know, that is a very advanced question, YUKO.

You know, the Jacqueline who made that audition tape

You know, they call it the Harvert of Queens.

You know, they're not allowed to call it "Champlain"

You know, we were trying to do one of them them quick changes

You know, Xan, I'm applying here.

You land people can't understand what the sea can do to a man.

You leave phone in cab! I am SoHo. Where you?

You let one person play their mistress's music video,

You let things go too far.

You lied to me!

You lied.

You lied.

You like Reuben too, though, right?

You look like a black guy on Easter.

You made it spying by being shady.

You made me feel calm when my brain was hot.

You made me go to work on that cruise, even though it was hard for you.

You made that bread your bitch, son.

You make me a better person.

You make the footballs while the pigs are still alive.

You make the movie Overboard look like a lighthearted comedy

You mean "funker."

You mean give up? No.

You mean Jeff?

You mean tall, hot, and ignoring my Lyme disease?

You mean they stole your youth and made you boring?

You mean Uptown Gayby?

You mentioned me in your philosophy rap?

You miss playing ball?

You miss playing ball?

You must be confusing me

You must be Gordy.

You must be Kimmy. Oh!

You must be rich now!

You need a bunker flashback. Those always work.

You need her help.

You need to distract him

You need to get out of this apartment.

You need to lay off the fairy dust, Bright Lights Big Schmidty.

You need your vitamin C!

You never give up.

You never give up.

You never want to go near the water on these boats, Titus,

You noticed me.

You okay in there?

You only do Salon de Titus when you're upset.

You or that pan of hot corn.

You owe me!

You owe Titus half of everything you made on "Boobs and California."

You Patrick Wilson looking mother

You people all look the same to me.

You people don't care about anything.

You play baseball like Michael Jordan.

You remembered my name.

You ripped off someone with less time on their hands

You said I would never have to see them again!

You said nothing happens here without my say so.

You said that you were gonna puke tonight.

You said the only three people I can change

You save the apex predator, you save the ecosystem.

You see, the original bladder was more of an Urkel,

You should get TaskRabbit on your phone.

You should give away everything that you have.

You should give him a chance, right?

You should praise Jesus,

You should take one of these career aptitude tests.

You shut your mouth!

You sign up, and people pay you to do stuff for them.

You still chewing it!

You stole my bathroom key so you could poop here for free!

You sure do meet a lot of characters.

You sure spend a lot of time in your tenants' apartment.

You survived the bunker.

You take birth control pills?

You tap into that, and just think of the money you can make.

You taped us?

You tear up these papers and contest the divorce.

You think I'm some kind of idiot?

You think it's an accident

You think this whole thing was about you?

You think you're so tough,

You too, ma'am.

You took it after we opened it.

You took Manhattan like you were a bunch of Muppets!

You turn around and eat hot dog.

You two are the only ones who've ever gotten a perfect score.

You two are trying to get leverage on me.

You two remind me of me and Dianne when we were your age.

You undress me and leave.

You use this as an excuse to act like phonies and crumb bums.

You walking in a "Give Up the Night" rally or..

You wanna help, come on the show.

You wanna sit in your own filth water?

You want me to say my name's Rock 'n' Roll Rhonda

You want them to come in here and blow you up?

You want to fix that Miss Julie Pumpkinhead

You want to give me a job?

You want to know what's wrong with me?

You want to replace your old, bad experience

You wanted to come here in the first place.

You were applying to community college

You were right, Mommy. She left with another girl.

You were spying on me?

You white, one legged son of a bitch.

You will be mine.

You will not eat me

You wish,

You won't accept our union

You would think that, being so far uptown.

You, Russ, me, and someone we trick.

You?

You.

You.

You'd all be like,

You'd see that Xan really is all that

You'll be the perfect addition.

You'll get used to it.

You'll get used to it.

You'll have access to his trust fund,

You'll never get him back, if that's your crazy pipe dream,

You'll never get me!

You'll never make it.

You'll still get that money for college, Kimmy.

You're a baby!

You're a bully!

You're a genius!

You're a monster!

You're a much older lady with a hammer.

You're all gonna want to see.

You're also at the beach with no friends.

You're always carrying around with you.

You're always carrying around with you.

You're asking the wrong Cumberbitch.

You're both crazy. I'm a married woman.

You're Cork Rockingham?

You're dating Arthur Goodman?

You're delirious, Mimi.

You're dumb. I texted you all of this.

You're finally gonna stand on your own two feet.

You're going on.

You're going to the owners' meeting this year, right?

You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna have to get braces again.

You're gonna have to pay, 'cause I run a store.

You're gonna make my gun go off by "akskident."

You're gonna make my gun go off by "akskident."

You're gonna miss the parade

You're gonna need to sit down for this.

You're gonna rot in heck for tricking people!

You're gonna vote for me tomorrow, aren't you, dear?

You're in my philosophy class. You wear clothes for children.

You're just gonna out yourself?

You're just preventing these people from getting clean water.

You're just preventing these people from getting clean water.

You're just scaring people so they'll keep watching.

You're killing me, pal.

You're Kimmy.

You're late, Lonny!

You're like that bunny that keeps on going and going

You're Linda P., damn it.

You're living in the past.

You're lonely? My husband is lying in a hospital bed right now,

You're losing the thread here, Kaushtupper

You're lucky I'm not legally allowed to come over there.

You're making money off of people that hate you.

You're marrying the Reverend?

You're my favorite daughter in law now.

You're not answering your phone.

You're not gay.

You're not gonna do that.

You're not gonna impress anyone dressed like

You're not just a gold digger?

You're not my daughter.

You're not really going through a breakup, are you?

You're not signing this.

You're only 17?

You're out?

You're pitching, and your best friend is on third,

You're probably wondering how we met.

You're referring to the local gentlemen's club...

You're rejecting me?

You're right, Lillian.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right. I will.

You're so fancy.

You're still here!

You're such a smart mommy.

You're swinging down, jackass.

You're talking to K Biz

You're the mistress from the music video.

You're the talent.

You're trying to bang Jacqueline.

You're Tubthumping!

You're up.

You're waist training.

You're watching Sadsack TV, random stuff from the '70s...

You're welcome, sister.

You're what's wrong with me.

You're, like, a symbol

You're... alive.

You've been given every advantage in the world.

You've been on the baysh for a month!

You've come into some cash.

You've got her in your van

You've got loose shrimp in here.

You've got money now. Flaunt a little.

You've got to give me a high five after that.

You've not seen the film that inspired

You've still got your charities,

Young lady, how would you like to row for Columbia

Your act of destruction truly was.

Your baby's name is...

Your brothers nearly punch buggied you to death.

Your butt!

Your Chigger Bomb, madam.

Your five minute call. Five minutes.

Your fudging voice ever again.

Your husband was fully smooshed.

Your liar guy!

Your music video was long.

Your neighborhood deserves better,

Your nonsense made us realize

Your reward is participating

Your skin actually does look amazing today,

Your task rabbit has arrived.

Your task rabbit has arrived.

Your task rabbit has arrived.

Your views on Italians?

Youse tax rabbit!

Yowza!

Yum, yum, give me some.

Zach, are you okay?

Zach, I'm...

Zach, what are you doing here?

Zero motorcycle accidents.

223 if you count the sound guys, which I do not.

250 bucks.

1976

Hey.

Honey!

Oh! Uh oh.

Okay.

Ooh.

Ow, quit biting me, dog.

Wait, I know that show.

...and sprayed and sprayed. I treated you like a son!

...have really won me over. Aw!

A rube! Oh, she misunderstood

Ah! Bro, you're killing me.

Ah...

Ahh! Ah, come on!

And now I need to do the same for you. No.

And you people... Huh?

And your heritage... Is an important part of who I am.

And your neighborhood is a dump.

Anyone but you. Me.

Are too! D2!

As if! D2!

Aww. How many? It doesn't matter!

Boyogas?

Brussels sprouts... Yuck!

But a lady's gotta choose

But where? Let me catch you up

But you own the Redskins. Exactly.

Cherish them. What?

Cla may to, Clamato, Kimmy. Whatever

Classic! It doesn't matter, though.

Come on, come to Lillian. Here, girl. Here, girl!

Cool. That's a rowing machine, you freak

Deirdre!

Easy, easy. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

enough fruits and vegetables. Sex with riverboat captains?

Everything!

Excuse you? ...in a prison...

Fine! Whatever.

Flashback to your tragic past. Titus.

Funny thing is... Ugh, where is it?

Game on.

Gattaca! Gattaca! Gattaca! Attica! Attica! Attica!

Get him! Yeah!

Get in the corner. Ah.

Get in the van, Kimmy. Never!

Go for it, big brother.

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Ha, I knew it!

He kidnapped me. I said, "Or whatever."

Hello, Officer. I'm Hold on.

Hello? Sister Kimmy.

Here.

Hey, hey, ho, ho! You're a scab!

Hey, Mikey.

Hey. We don't know each other.

Hi. Kimmy!

Hmm.

Huh? I'll marry him instead.

I can't believe this is happening. Well, it is.

I do not care about Wendy. I do not care about Wendy.

I guess we could see if the library has... Nope.

I I... Is your mouth okay, nerd?

I love love.

I make my own green. That's not gonna work.

I put some stank on that one. Yeah, you did.

I sprayed... No, Titus, no!

I think only you can... Stop it!

I thought you were my boyfriend. I am.

I want to fight you. No, you don't.

I'm kind of in the middle of... I'm sorry

Is the meeting over? Almost.

It takes five guys to watch a hole! Scab!

It was Hey!

Jacqueline! In a minute.

Jacqueline! Hmm?

Let's do it. Yeah.

M'diet's my wife's name. Help him, Lord!

May I read you one? Please don't.

Maybe look in the laundry! The interrupting needs to stop.

Mimi, we said don't do that. Come on, Mrs. Kanassis.

Miss Clara. All right, honey.

Mm hmm. Ah...

Mm hmm. Oh.

Mm!

Mm. Yeah.

Ms. Schmidt. It is clobbering time!

No bad guys!

No! They say, "That's not

Nope. Right.

Not stopping till we puke. Nope.

Now, blonde lady... Thank you.

Of course! But if you vote for her,

Oh ho ho! ...so they could join us.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. Those were pajamas.

Oh. And I should know.

Oh. And I'm Titus A.

Oh. Hi, hi.

Oh. Hey, Lillian.

Oh. I'm free, bitches!

Oh..

Oh...

Oh... Oh.

Okay. Come on, Pop.

on the side of some government butter. Ah!

Ooh, I want chocolate. And you'll get it.

Ooh, let me guess the plan. Please don't.

Places! Oh!

Porno with dead animals?

Ready to hit it? Yeah.

Really? Mm hmm.

Ruff. Mm.

Saving lives...

So he'll be single? Oh!

So how are you? Good.

So why won't you believe me? Because!

So, if a perfectly rational donkey... That's me!

Stop helping. Okay.

Streaming residuals..

Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, Zoon.

that even though Russ is smooshed... Mm

That's just for puppets! How do you know?

That's Sleepytime tea

The drawstring went inside again. What happened to the knot?

the National Weather Service

These are much too dry. Oh.

They only do it to mimic people. Fascinating

This is over when I say it's over.

This is Titus

Those are prescription! Smart.

Titus isn't my boyf... Tell me about it.

Titus? Do not interrupt my spa time

Titus.

Titus. Oh.

Titus. We've got to get to the blimp.

Told you he was in love with you. What?

Too high! Well, you lost your scarf,

Tough day

Uh huh. Before I saw that commercial,

Uh oh. No. No!

Uh, mes putains?

Uh, that's the wrong input. No, honey.

Vote. Oh, then, no, I can't.

We met at the gym. The gayest place to meet someone!

We really don't, but thanks. Ugh. Where you from?

We'll make him suffer. Great! I'll cancel my plans.

Well, it's a classic Buridan's Ass. Thank you.

What are you taping? That seems normal.

What was it wearing, Kimmy? People clothes.

What?

What? Go, go, go, go!

What? Hmm.

What? Wendy needs your help.

What? What?

When you know better... You do better!

which is something I'm very... good at.

Who is it? Hello?

Why? Because!

Wolves!

Wow. Mm hmm.

Yeah, you can really taste the... "Stray dogs."

Yeah. Nice meeting you, Tony.

Yeah. Okay.

Yes, sir.

Yes!

You could do better. Wait.

You could get kicked out of school! If I'm lucky.

You didn't! I can smell you from here.

You mean "moi"? Damn you, Madame Scruggs!

You must have called him. No! I did not!

You said that, right, Titus? Well, I read it...

You're a traitor! Okay.

You're hurting me, bro.

You're ready, Jacqueline. Mm hmm.

Aaayyy. We did stuff.

after Gary left. Mm.

Ah! How awesome is this place?

All right, Cyndee Oh, hang on.

Amen! Tell the truth!

And here? And here? Why are you making me look at this?

And they're so confident! I know!

and touched Moses' feet with it"? What?

Because your family Where? Here?

Bring a bathing suit. Mm.

But there's no music. Titus could sing for us.

Dead? Oh. We'll get a cab.

Diabetes? Not yet

Didn't we already Girl, this is Easter.

Don't do it. No, please!

Follow me. Oh, boy.

Get it? It was gotten. Yes.

Give up, Cork? Never!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

Good night, everybody! Good night!

He's ready. Me?

Here come the waterworks. ...here come the waterworks.

Hmm? And I'm in love with you.

Holy crap. I got you!

How are things? Not good.

How many fingers am I holding up? Three, Miss Clara.

I bet they'd hire you again in a Never.

I didn't know you had a line. Don't worry.

I don't get it. I don't care.

I feel like Jasmine. Not Aladdin?

I had fun tonight. Yeah. Me too.

I have a car. Oh!

I have no bones. What?

I haven't heard of them. Uh, hang on, toots.

I need my Kimmy! Oh.

I said look at me! Fine.

I took it from a rich white lady. Okay, thank you very much.

I took it from a rich white lady. Okay, thank you very much.

I went to pick up Linda... Mm.

I'm busy, Titus. Busy, Lillian.

If you want to call it that. Ooh.

Is that how straight people kiss? Is that how gay people kiss?

Is there a black name for it? No.

Isn't he rich? Oh, very.

It doesn't matter. Gomaco!

It's called Profiles Really?

Just coming to church now? This church.

Linda You'll never make it.

Look at us! We're crushing it! I want my wigs back, jerks!

Mm. I'm keeping the robe

Morning, Titus. What? I'm not mourning anyone.

New to town? Not as such.

No, no. No, no, no, no!

No. Okay.

No. You're gonna be.

Not the Doc Martens. I wish.

Oh! Well, this is either a quaalude

Oh. But I've been, you know, dating.

Oh. Help yourself.

Oh. Titus.

Ow! See?

Popeyes or Church's? Please. Waffle House.

Racist. Oh.

right, Titus? Too soon.

Russ. There he is!

Shrimp! All right, how do I do this?

Shut your face! Bigly!

Shut your face! Bigly!

So what do we do? We got to scratch this itch, baby!

Sweet tea or lemonade? Sweet tea.

That did not work. No.

That's beautiful. That's so nice.

That's Ludacris! Is it?

The emails. No stamina.

Then don't. Yeah.

Titus? He's gay. Well, it's not the last time

Uh, for sure. Jeez, I'm glad we're

We should do it together. You already look great.

We've gotta stop her! But how?

What about Russ? What about Russ?

What are you doing? Finally getting my man cave back.

What do you do for a living? Renaissance man.

What do you want? I want to be a crossing guard.

What kind of trolley? I don't know! Just learned this morning.

What? Hopefully have my own church one day.

What? Hopefully have my own church one day.

What? I know for a fact

What? Later.

Where are your people from? Didn't all life start in Africa?

Whew! Oh!

Why? To what end? Please stop!

Wow, Chandler, Kimmy? Not Chandler. That's uncalled for.

Yeah! Heavenly Father!

Yeah. Hope you guys don't mind a little PDA.

Yes. No!

You come to work in a tank top. Titus! Look!

You don't mean that. I mean...

You got a girlfriend? No one as good as my mama.

You look pretty. Aw, you're nice.

You taste like Velamints. Oh.

You're drunk right now. No, I'm not.

You're really funny, Kimmy. Yeah.

...and buy something normal.

...and ice cream that tastes like lavender.

...check on my illegal day care.

...councilwoman who's leading the fight

...fell over a railing and got sucked into a chocolate mixing machine.

...from extinction.

...ful. That's awful.

...gets placed between two identical bales of hay,

...hurricane.

...I flew right into her web.

...including clicks, whistles, and...

...is a Mole Woman.

...is critically endangered

...take the boom box in to get its heads cleaned.

...that in the wilds of every continent,

...till he got shot by robbers...

...until we saw you in the Post with him.

...where they work.

...would say that a truly moral person

...you'll be taken care of.

'cause Elizabeth Berkley's not here either.

'cause every change in my life has been rotten

'cause everything about Reuben is great except this one thing:

'Cause he's trying to kill you?

'cause I am allowed to field questions from my constituents,

'Cause I can't feel them.

'Cause I can't see him, not yet.

'cause I don't think anything actually happened last night.

'Cause I have something you're gonna want to see.

'cause I intrigue people

'cause I ran my Jet Ski into a Chipotle.

'Cause I wasn't out yet and I had to beat Priya Patel.

'Cause I'm a pretty tiger now.

'Cause I'm done trying. I give up.

'cause I'm gonna do one thing right.

'cause I'm Kimmy Schmidt,

'cause I'm like the game closet at Jeanie Shamanski's house

'cause I've been living at a Hampty

'cause I've definitely smelt what I know Titus dealt.

'cause if you think

'Cause it's different than it used to be.

'cause it's so regressive.

'Cause jeez, if you'd really eaten that old lady

'Cause Kimmy's the expert

'cause me and him have a thing

'cause Meth Head Charlie fed him Adderall.

'Cause now I eat my cereal at home before I go to the prison

'cause once, I stabbed my boss at SeaWorld.

'Cause people here sure talk a big game

'Cause she abandoned me in a hospital

'Cause she's a person, Kimmy, a play on "Jimmy."

'cause someone tied your hair to the crank.

'Cause that woman is like Domino's pizza...

'Cause that woman is like Domino's pizza...

'Cause that's a relationship we can all understand.

'cause the glass ceiling just got shattered.

'Cause they can't, and, also, it's 2017 now.

'cause they're always finding little problems

'Cause this isn't really about me.

'Cause tricks are for kids, and I'm all out of kids.

'cause try as hard as you want, God, he's never gonna die.

'Cause we're not here to ask Jeeves.

'cause when we die on this thing,

'Cause you don't pay extra for the caffeine!

'cause you found out that Jacqueline is Native American.

'cause you wore those New Year's glasses everywhere.

'cause you're a survivor.

'Cause you're a traitor, Joe,

'Cause you're not athletic. I've seen you try to put your backpack on.

'cause, you know, I wasn't part of the cool group.

'Sup, Your Majesty?

"'Cause I live in the future."

"Artie's Heart Don't Work

"Baby It's Cold Outside" is a Christmas song

"Beat three eggs."

"Brick" was slang for a certain type of wealthy, older woman

"Come on, black people. What do you got to lose?"

"Don't marry a monster?"

"Drunk lady at White House."

"Duke Snyder is a deranged individual

"Feel the learn."

"For if you ever leave your apartment."

"For if you ever leave your apartment."

"fugly to snuggly," "hot mess to great vest."

"Get small, muchachos."

"Girl, you know standardized tests are racist!"

"google" is just "go ogle" without the space?

"Grammy Award Winner Dionne Warwick

"Hart Island Burial Smock."

"Hey, everybody! I'm Titus!"

"Hey, that pug dog looks just like my boyfriend."

"Horse Found."

"https colon backslash backslash

"Humble yourself, and God will give you grace

"I do word searches in pen"?

"I guess this is a creative biting workshop."

"I hate you, Kimmy.

"I told you this wouldn't work!"

"I'm sorry I threw a trash can at you."

"I've never been with a woman. Maybe you could show me."

"Is he as cute as Edward Furlong?"

"It's 2016. Women can run cults."

"Kimmy looks like a traffic cone on a snowman,

"Let's go smoke by the fence!

"Mara" is the only word she can say.

"Me and the other Indiana 'blank' Women were named after this burrowing rodent."

"Meemaw's secret corn pudding recipe."

"My boyfriend's a great singer."

"Oh, I don't know. It was all I had clean."

"Oh, I'm getting too old for this, sugar."

"On this site in 1794,

"Ooh, look at what a great male Kimmy that is,

"Ooh, sorry, pal. Hope you like ferret hearts."

"Prefers working outside, salary flexible,

"Psychiatrist poops floor at conference."

"Rawr" comes to mind.

"Sir" is Sir Anthony Hopkins' name.

"Sproi oi oing!"

"Storage almost full"?

"The next time I see you...

"The only drug you need is reading."

"The Piña Colada Song" is about a couple having an affair.

"Three: Creative thinking."

"Touch the arrow pointing left."

"Touch the picture of a car."

"Two: Focusing on the problem at hand."

"Uh, oh, my, rapping has no place in the classroom.

"Which is most dangerous to pedestrians?

"Why the frick did we come here?"

"Wrapping up early.

"You don't need a man. You can do a cult all by yourself."

"You have to take some fishing enjoyment."

"you know what ing" me

"You people," is it, huh?

"Young Girl" is a love song to jailbait.

"Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin,

♪ A cat with eight butts ♪

♪ A cat with eight heads ♪

♪ A chair and a guy And a chair and a broom ♪

♪ A Sasquatch and a tree ♪

♪ A sequined lobster glove ♪

♪ A toaster that understands love ♪

♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G ♪

♪ Also former president... ♪

♪ And an ancient tomb ♪

♪ And if your love for me doesn't die ♪

♪ And Jeff is just a friend ♪

♪ Are the greatest boobs around ♪

♪ Are the greatest boobs around ♪

♪ Are the greatest boobs around ♪

♪ Are the greatest boobs around ♪

♪ Baby gaybird, I said goodbye

♪ Baby gaybird, I said goodbye ♪

♪ Back up, I ain't playing With you, meatball ♪

♪ Bananin' ♪

♪ Bananin' ♪

♪ Barack ****ain Obama ♪

♪ Boobs and California And my 'Stang and California ♪

♪ Boom, boy, bye, foop ♪

♪ Broke my wings so you could fly ♪

♪ But females are strong as hell ♪

♪ But females are strong as hell ♪

♪ But females are strong as hell ♪

♪ But females are strong as hell ♪

♪ But the boobs in California ♪

♪ But the boobs in California ♪

♪ But the boobs in California ♪

♪ But the boobs in California ♪

♪ But the boobs in California... ♪

♪ Daisy Dukes so high Them pockets are a peekin' ♪

♪ Daisy Dukes so high Them pockets are a peekin' ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Ever helping you out your closet ♪

♪ Every day in Cali land is a weekend ♪

♪ Every day in Cali land is a weekend ♪

♪ Every Jew got an e mail that mornin' ♪

♪ Fluoride ♪

♪ Fluoride! ♪

♪ For real, I ain't playing With you, Michael ♪

♪ For real, I ain't playing With you, Mikey ♪

♪ From my nest into the sky ♪

♪ Grinding sideways on the bus Like, "Rub my feet" ♪

♪ Guido, nah ♪

♪ H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P ♪

♪ He's a Muslim Jew! ♪

♪ Heartbroke or roach bit? ♪

♪ Hell, nah, I ain't playing With you, Michael ♪

♪ Hell, no, I ain't playing With you, Michael ♪

♪ Hikes and California ♪

♪ Hikes and California ♪

♪ Hikes and California ♪

♪ Hillary was there ♪

♪ Ho ♪

♪ I always keep it nice nice, no fuss ♪

♪ I don't kairr ♪

♪ I don't kairr ♪

♪ I don't need to warn ya ♪

♪ I don't need to warn ya ♪

♪ I gave you that outfit I'd rather be roach bit ♪

♪ I kicked you In the air so high ♪

♪ I know that opposites attract So I find you and fix your hair ♪

♪ I know your secret, and now I regret ♪

♪ I love bikes and California ♪

♪ I love bikes and California ♪

♪ I love boobs and California ♪

♪ I love boobs and California Sand and California ♪

♪ I love boobs and California Sand and California ♪

♪ I love dogs and California ♪

♪ I love dogs and California ♪

♪ I love dogs and California ♪

♪ I need ♪

♪ I need ♪

♪ I need ♪

♪ I took you at your word ♪

♪ I'll find you in the night ♪

♪ Imagine for a moment That you never came on out ♪

♪ Is this what I deserve? ♪

♪ Israel is behind it all ♪

♪ Israel! ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's mostly corn ♪

♪ Like a firefly ♪

♪ Like when you take a sip of water And it turns out to be Sprite ♪

♪ Lovin' California Livin' left coast time ♪

♪ Lovin' California Livin' left coast time ♪

♪ Ma ♪

♪ Mahogany ♪

♪ Makes children gay ♪

♪ Meemaw ♪

♪ Michael, I am angry with you, mister ♪

♪ Michael, I'm not playing With you, meatball ♪

♪ Michael, I'm not playing With you, meatball ♪

♪ Milk has an expiration date ♪

♪ Never had the flyest tenor in the choir Up in your shor or orts ♪

♪ Never made it out of Queens Still out there playing all them sports ♪

♪ Nope ♪

♪ Ny ♪

♪ Oh oh oh, it's such a shame ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

♪ Oh, Meemaw ♪

♪ Oh, Titus, you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, he's just a friend ♪

♪ Or stuff ♪

♪ Or, like, seeing you in your outfit? ♪

♪ Q, R, S ♪

♪ Rockin' with the top down is hella rad Now here we go ♪

♪ Shirts off, shades on Smash Mouth on the stereo ♪

♪ Ska and California And my bro in California ♪

♪ So sweet and flaky, I could cry ♪

♪ Something don't taste right 'Cause it ain't right ♪

♪ Still had that dartboard in your house ♪

♪ Sun and California ♪

♪ T, U, V ♪

♪ Ten seconds at a time ♪

♪ The babes out here are so fine ♪

♪ The babes out here are so fine ♪

♪ The CIA invented AIDS ♪

♪ The greatest boobs are in California ♪

♪ The greatest boobs are in California ♪

♪ The Supreme Court ♪

♪ Their octopus bodies ♪

♪ Them gays would spoof on you Goof on you ♪

♪ Then run from the dentist 'Cause hell, no ♪

♪ These are some things I never seen in a room... ♪

♪ These are the things That I see in the room ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ This will sound fine to your mind ♪

♪ This will sound fine To your mind ♪

♪ Titus is great, Titus is the best ♪

♪ Titus is great, Titus is the best ♪

♪ Titus is growing ♪

♪ To sell quilts ♪

♪ True love ♪

♪ True love ♪

♪ True love is harder And true love is more work than pleasure ♪

♪ True love, whoa oh ♪

♪ Uh uh, I'm not fooling With you, meatball ♪

♪ Uh uh, I'm not fooling With you, Michael ♪

♪ Uh uh, I'm not fooling With you, Michael ♪

♪ Uh, these are some things I don't see in the room ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Voorhees a jolly good pillow Voorhees a jolly good pillow ♪

♪ W, X ♪

♪ We are not responsible for theft ♪

♪ We should do that with the elderly ♪

♪ We're hungry for your dish ♪

♪ Wears robes to hide ♪

♪ Welcome to the singing laundromat ♪

♪ Well, you don't need to swear To have a fun rap ♪

♪ What's worst? Being heartbroke or roach bit? ♪

♪ Who who who who Wants to order pizza? ♪

♪ Whoa oh, true love is exhausting ♪

♪ Why should I kairr? ♪

♪ Workin' out and California ♪

♪ Would dudes be into you? ♪

♪ Y, and Z ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You got what I need ♪

♪ You know I'm not too 'ffeminate To cut me up a nerd ♪

♪ You know... ♪

♪ You let this meerkat go to waste ♪

♪ You lose what you have and then pray It comes back to you better ♪

♪ You rub my feet And then we watch a cop type show ♪

♪ You're not eating zoodles ♪

♪ Your food ♪

♪ Your food ♪

♪ And a chair and a chair And a chair and a..

♪ Are the greatest boobs around ♪

♪ Bananin' ♪

♪ Boobs and California And my 'Stang and California ♪

♪ Broke my wings So you could fly ♪

♪ But females are strong as hell ♪

♪ Damn it ♪

♪ Ga ♪

♪ Hell, nah, I ain't playing With you, Michael ♪

♪ I love boobs and California ♪

♪ I loved you like A Patti LaBelle pie ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

♪ Rockin' with the top down is hella rad Now here we go ♪

♪ Shirts off, shades on Smash Mouth on the stereo ♪

♪ Ska and California And my bro in California ♪

♪ So let this painful year go by ♪

♪ Sometimes pop songs don't really rhyme ♪

♪ Sometimes pop songs Don't really rhyme ♪

♪ Sun and California ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They alive, damn it ♪

♪ They're the greatest boobs ♪

♪ They're the greatest boobs ♪

♪ Titus is learning about..

♪ To yourself, still on the shelf ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

♪ Workin' out and California ♪

♪ Your food ♪