Baby Mama (2008) Soundboard Edit

ActuaIIy, it's a maternity case, Your Honor:

AIso, I'd Iike you to sIice me a new fresh roII,

AIthough no historic buiIdings:

And girIs just want to have fun

And I never heard from him again:

And I was in a bicycIe accident that made my penis bigger:

And I'm afraid if we keep taIking about it,

And I've got insurance, the actuaI pee stick:

And if you disrupt the proceedings again,

And it may be a deaI breaker:

And sit and eat pickIes in the back:

And the revitaIization of our community?

And then he asked me if I was asking him out, and I was Iike, ''What?''

And they start doing DNA tests with CSI stuff,

And this is our mother, Rose:

And who knows where we're going to be in a year?

And you are?

And?

Angie, I think your water broke:

ANGIE: This pIace is awesome:

Angie? Hi, it's Angie:

Anyway, it's kind of earIy, so you can't reaIIy see anything,

Are those cigarettes?

Are you serious?

Barry, I'm sorry: Kate, where you been?

Because those ones have been sitting out for a Iong time:

Being singIe is not an aIternative IifestyIe:

But I reaIIy don't see how that couId cause any probIems for your uterus:

But that is a very high risk scenario:

But that's not the whoIe surprise: Open it:

But there's something eIse you need to know:

But usuaIIy I don't have a heavy fIow:

CARL: Look, buddy, you don't have to seII me on the product, I'm aIready in:

Cash:

Come on, get up here:

Damn, just shy of common Iaw:

Do aII the things you wouId do if you were pregnant,

Does the Orange You GIad I Didn't Say Banana?

Don't teII me, your peopIe are gonna start buIIdozing the neighborhood tonight:

Donny Landis:

Even better: HeIIo:

Everyone deserves this:

Extreme VaginaI DeIivery:

Forget about him: He dumped you: He's an asshoIe:

FormerIy with the firm Swanson and Weisberg:

Good for you:

Green, mostIy:

Have you read this articIe?

He said the chances were one in a miIIion:

He's beautifuI:

He's just trying to be a better father, take some parenting cIasses:

HeIIo, foIks, my name is Chet: I'm your waiter:

HeIIo, my sweetheart: HeIIo, IittIe one:

HeIIo:

HeIIo: BARRY: Kate, we're moving forward:

Hey, Angie:

Hey, I'm just Iike a Iot of you:

Hey, man, that's a sweet cake: That's tight: That's tight:

Hey, where you going?

Hey:

Hi, Jean, how are you?

Hi, Scott:

Hi: Can I see her?

Hi: Look at you, earIy bird:

Hmm:::

How are you?

How do you mean?

How Iong have you been vegan?

How many times have you tried now?

I aIso want to thank you:

I am: I'm crying a IittIe bit:

I can't do it:

I don't care what we spend, but we have to get it right:

I don't know: Don't ask me:

I don't want my baby to have a pinhead:

I feIt Iike a faiIure:

I got a surprise for you, too:

I gotta waIk out of here aIone:

I guess you're Iike our sixth or seventh:

I heard it happens to about 2% of babies:

I hope you don't mind: I bought you some groceries:

I Iove it, Kate:

I know I couId be good at this:

I know: I know: So, any news?

I made a choice:

I missed a coupIe periods,

I need you, Angie:

I paid a man thousands of doIIars to teII me that that's impossibIe:

I read peopIe's energies:

I remember the day I found out I was going to have a kid:

I think it's good!

I think that's great:

I want to go with her:

I want you to come home: Baby, I miss you:

I want you to start finding out

I'm Angie:

I'm done: No: I'm not done!

I'm going to go hide this sheII somewhere in the store:

I'm gonna need this to go:

I'm not discussing the Iady business with you:

I'm so sorry about what's happened:

I'm trying to pIay catch up here:

I've been off Dr: Pepper for two weeks:

I've got a surprise for you:

Is it cooI if maybe I just spray a IittIe PAM down in that area,

Is it fair that to be the youngest VP in my company,

Is it the taxes?

Is it? Try this one:

It is when you're 37:

It seems crazy not to eat the pIacenta:

It's gonna be a girI: That's what's making your hair so dry:

It's too hot in there,

It's too much for a first date, isn't it? I said too much:

JUDGE: Let's watch the Ianguage, pIease:

Just breathe:

Kate, I don't think I shouId go to that, you know?

Kate, I want you to put your baby inside me:

Kate, I'm gonna watch your drink:

Kate, my gosh, you Iook great! What are you doing here?

KATE: I did everything that I was supposed to do:

Let me put my hands into your hands,

Let me see:

Like a IittIe puppy: Yeah:

Maybe you shouId've actuaIIy gotten pregnant Iike you were supposed to:

Mom:

Money?

My girI rocks? My girI does not rock, okay?

My husband and I conceived Sabrina the oId fashioned way:

My sister wants to know what kind of cake you want for the shower:

Nice:

No way: I want my haIf, okay?

No, I don't see that:

No, it doesn't:

No, it's not: It's not Iike Jamba Juice at aII:

No, no: No, I was gonna see if you wanted to come:

No, not reaIIy: Me neither:

No, she's not weII:

No, thank you: I'm good: Let's do this:

No, this is different: You had reIationships with those women:

No, we're not together:

No:

Nothing:

Now we're not sure whose egg this is in here:

Now we're pretty tight on cash:

Now with the hormones you've been taking,

Of course, if the baby turns out not to be yours, we'II waive our fees:

Oh, no:

OId schooI!

Okay, hoId this:

Okay, I'II definiteIy come by:

Okay, this is gonna go great:

Okay, what's the second word you think of?

Okay:

Okay:

Okay: Let's go:

Okay: Okay, and give me a big one:

PIease come back to me, Angie: Oh, my God!

Present:

Quick question before we start:

ReaIIy good coIor:

RecentIy, we took in some Hurricane Katrina dogs:

Riding a Suzuki

Right there:

Right:

Rob Ackerman, WeBeSoCa SmaII Business Owners' Association,

Rob? Hi: Hi:

See?

Send her the uItrasound picture in the maiI,

Service entrance, straight to the terrace:

She waIks Iike she taIks Iike she taIks Iike she waIks

She's not even pregnant, okay?

SiIver Infiniti, Penn State sticker,

So as you can see,

So I hope you got KIeenex,

So if it's a boy, I want to marry you:

So is that offer to get together some time stiII on the tabIe?

So many chemicaIs!

So thank you: And I'm sorry:

So that Ied you to surrogacy?

So that's gonna affect us, zoning wise:

So we did it:

So, have you done this before?

So, I had one Iast question for you:

So, teII me, once the baby is born,

Some of that hair's reaI, right?

Sweetie, you're not smart enough to puII this off:

Thank you for giving me this baby:

Thank you:

Thank you: CongratuIations, Kate:

That combined with your advanced maternaI age,

That is stronger!

That's a good idea:

That's great:

The reason I caIIed you coIIect is 'cause it's gonna take more than a few quarters

They've got a great fashion program:

This game is awesome: Where did you get this?

This is reaIIy happening:

Those kids wouId have got their asses handed to them in my neighborhood:

UItrasound isn't Thursday: Birthing cIass is Thursday:

We met the summer after I discontinued high schooI:

We used to work at BIimpie together when we were 16,

We were never off:

WeII, at Ieast he's not a grade A dork Iike that guy:

WeII, I wiII try it:

WeII, I wouId've offered to do it anyway:

WeII, I'm sorry I can't stay Ionger,

WeII, your friend is a great American:

What about aII the background checks?

What about you? You Iike your work?

What are you saying?

What did you wanna teII me?

What do you do, CarI?

What's that now?

What's up, hot stuff?

When Kate takes this down to the Iab,

Who's the one who said you shouId go

Why, does that work?

WouId you grab my smokes?

Yeah, I do:

Yeah, I'II have the same:

Yeah, I'm::: I'm reaIIy, reaIIy sorry

Yeah, that's what it's about:

Yeah, weII, you're gonna have to sketch it,

Yeah: I think he is, more than I am:

Yeah: I'm 37: I know how this works:

Yes, but you're missing the point:

Yes, I think I am:

Yes, I think I saw a MichaeI Moore documentary about that:

Yes:

Yes: Barry, hi:

Yo, what if that's your baby mama?

You can stay, Rick, if you::: Okay:

You don't even know her, CarI:

You don't have to be married to have a kid:

You don't need another good person around you: That's your thing:

You don't think it Iooks Iike a penis?

You have a God given abiIity that I just don't have:

You Iook nice in a suit, by the way:

You know what? Don't worry about it,

You know you're not supposed to smoke in front of me: I'm trying to quit:

You know, I reaIIy Iike your Iogo:

You know, I was taIking to Jimmy Buffett this morning about trans fats:::

You may not have my fertiIe body,

You sure have done a great job

You think you guys wouId be friends in reaI Iife?

You wanna give me back the ring that I made for you in metaI shop?

You want me to meet your daughter?

You're serious about this?

1 406: Yeah:

45 minutes Iate: This isn't Iike you:

(CALL WAITING CHIMES)

(CALL WAITING CHIMES)

(GASPS)

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS) I didn't want to bother you:

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHOOPS MEEKLY)

(WHOOPS)