Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Season 2 Edit

A ♪1 Dad mug.

A a night that you'll remember forever.

A And upset. Greg, I'm sorry.

A bonnet.

A certain bro friend group.

A choreographer, and I have some songs in mind. I... Maybe,

A cover charge? (scoffs)

A few months, a few years.

A good long break.

A karate outfit.

A lion?

A little bit early on Friday.

A little bit more about her than me...

A little bit of a name dropper.

A little nauseous, so...

A little to the right.

A lot like... uh, almost like...

A lot of questions about baking bread.

A lot of things going on. Got a big test coming up,

A love triangle.

A man who is strong

A man with a face that perfectly symmetrical...

A mouse with throat cancer

A nap?

A new house. We really need

A partnership.

A permanent flower crown filter face. What? How do you get that?

A pineapple?!

A pirate? A pirate hit my cat? That's insane.

A plus one for Rebecca for Friday?

A priest?

A priest?

A priest?!

A real wholesome meal.

A really sweet note. Stuck on a remote construction site

A retirement community... But not that retired.

A road company, aka a national tour,

A serial monogamist.

A simple contract, laying out the terms of our friendship.

A spicy, friend y stew.

A super fly entrepreneur

A Triceratops tolerance?

A two headed love monster.

A wedding is great.

A weird uncle.

A whiskey bottle.

A whole loop Dee loop there.

A year's worth supply of toilet paper for us.

A'ight. Yeah.

Aah, this is so hard.

Aah!

Aah!

About abandoning our friendship.

About all the crazy stuff you just said, wow.

About arm wrestling for sex.

About going to Raging Waters with you

About how people felt, about how I felt,

About how plural possessive works,

About Karen, everything, but the fire department is on its way.

About me and Josh and get his unconditional blessing,

About my boss. Okay?

About socks? (chuckles)

About that bully that destroyed our volcano.

About that.

About the model one or the lip one, those are Jenners.

About the Whitefeather culture...

About what I'm gonna pick up for dinner on my way home.

About what other people think. Who cares?

About what was going on with my mom and dad.

Absolutely, Broheemius Maximus.

Absolutely. Freshness is so important to me.

Ach! Sorry. Their names are not...

Across the center line as the defense settles in...

Actually,

Actually, can you take me home?

Actually, I feel a lot better. It's amazing what a nap can do.

Actually, I lied to you.

Actually, I think he might be on the spectrum,

Actually, I'm not a boss.

Actually, I'm really glad you're here.

Actually, I've just been sitting here thinking

Actually, that's a common misconception

Actually, you know what? Don't say "Chan," just "Josh."

Adios, Josh.

Admit it, our relationship has always been one sided.

Adult sexual behavior.

After a lifetime of treating her like a dog with scurvy?

After all the Rebecca stuff,

After everything she's done for me.

After seeing your friend's terrible band,

After the deadline.

After today. After today, no cancelling.

After you guys broke up like a real gentleman.

Again, don't worry about her.

Again, not about you.

Again, one does, um...

Ah, all yours. Done.

Ah, how you've grown.

Ah, I hear that. Nothing I like better

Ah, it's nothing. I...

Ah, look, if it isn't the ingenue

Ah, nothing!

Ah, that's what it is.

Ah, the West Brovinas.

Ah, well, you could've burned down the whole complex.

Ah! She's British. Um...

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. No.

Ah. Okay, fine.

Ah. So. I guess we know who that is.

Ah. This must be such a romantic time

Ah... (yelling)

Ah... Oh! (laughs)

Air. Hey, hey, Josh, wait.

AKA 3Tops?

AKOPIAN: He asked you for money for his son's braces?

Alcohol became my shield.

Alcoholics.

Alcoholics.

All couples fight. No,

All day long because with me, every time you mention Josh,

All day long.

All day, "erryday," it's sexy sexy time.

All different types of girls.

All I got to do is keep you alive for 48 hours.

All I know is it's awesome he's not around

All I need is one thing.

All I need to do is just find Greg.

All of Greg's comings and goings for the last month.

All of your devices. We got

All over the Internet.

All really great girls, except Uzo is...

All right, come on,

All right, I can do that.

All right, I should get back to work, I, um...

All right, just, if you want any of this stuff, take it.

All right, let's get the show on the road.

All right, look.

All right, now, for the note, grab a pen. All right.

All right, Paula, Paula, just go...

All right, show's over.

All right, so your name's Manuel and you're 27?

All right, there is the app

All right, Tommy,

All right, vamanos, Boots.

All right, what do you think of this house?

All right, you know, then I realized that was...

All right? Now stop being such a whiner,

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Bye.

All right. Hope to hear from you soon.

All right. Let's take a quick break

All right. Uh... Ooh, she's about to say something. Okay, uh...

All right. Yay.

All that's in the past now.

All the time. A lot.

All they have are branded cocktails.

All those different "like" options,

All we need is some random guy who went to Harvard

All you have to do is show up

ALL: ♪ So maternal ♪

ALL: ♪ So maternal ♪

ALL: Oh!

All... sir.

Almost a good lie.

Also take out the "N."

Also, do you know what you've made me do?

Also, I am so sorry for the glitter metaphor.

Also, I don't want to spend this entire wedding

Also, I like the neighborhood.

Also, I've saved so much money,

Also, it's not coming over, it's coming home, so...

Also, Paula, why

Also, they kind of treated me like ass.

Also, you no longer have to serve alcoholic beverages.

Also, you want to talk Fiddler sisters, bro?

Also, you're not wearing any underwear.

Also, your equipment smells delicious.

Although they do have that cooking class.

Although, you just scooped me up like I was a basket of muffins.

Always forget which Kardashian is which. (chuckles)

Always, in friendship,

Am I an EMT?

Am I just talking to myself?

Am re branding.

Amen. Okay, break.

An acoustic guitar version of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

An arrow pointed straight down

An elderly, a weakling?

An exorbitant amount of money to move your wedding date.

An exorbitant amount of money to move your wedding date.

An insecurity.

An Ivy League education, a full time career, and yet,

An urge to dip chips in frosting?

And (clacks tongue) curtains.

And a Blizzard.

And a drainage hose?

And a glass, and ice.

And a light cough.

And a spot opened up!

And a topless massage, but I feel a lot better.

And abandoned her by blacking out.

And all of Josh's really old boyfriends.

And all of the other wonderful things in my life and just

And all the fun slides and the unlimited churros.

And also I got rejected by Josh.

And also, I don't know

And and I had too much,

And and I never think about you, so let me think about you now.

And and one eye and a parrot here.

And and she was gonna drive me home and then

And and started a lip balm company.

And and tell him what's happened.

And and thank you for all these gifts.

And and we got off the waiting list.

And and, you know,

And any... really cool co workers that you have,

And apply it to other stuff.

And as Rebecca's boss

And asked him about rolling admissions,

And bad for both of us.

And bank vaults and the trunk of a car.

And before you leave, I've got a little something for you.

And birds of prey.

And Brendan's parole officer payola.

And bring you some cough drops.

And burn all their stuff

And by the end of this day,

And changed my degree to theater.

And content and excited.

And cool... I'm just, I'm not.

And corpse pose was basically the whole class.

And couldn't be bothered to do your job.

And create an artificial sense of warmth and well being?

And cry and be sad about Josh.

And did you not see my Instagram pic of my makeover?

And different DNA.

And ding, ding, ding,

And disappointing.

And do I... do I look hot?

And do together things? (fake laugh)

And do you want me to give you a list of the reasons

And Eagle is gone.

And everyone I've ever met is texting me, saying things

And everyone's doing it at every party.

And everything they do for women.

And evil.

And excludes shenanigans.

And frankly, you're a little obsessed with Josh Chan.

And free. (chuckles)

And get you out, you won't have to be

And go back to being as angry as I could

And go back to Board Shorts McGee and his family.

And go back to my love bubble.

And good for you guys for keeping it old school.

And good morning...

And Greg is gonna see the banner

And Greg...

And Harvard Law School and Yale Law School?

And has to be hospitalized.

And have a baby, and that our lives can still work.

And he canned everyone.

And he does.

And he made a cash offer over the weekend

And he treats you well?

And he treats you well?

And he won't tell God.

And he's been helping me out a ton, making deliveries,

And he's gonna be really impressed.

And he's he's not telling anyone you're together.

And he's never gonna come back.

And he's not a water cooler, he's a man.

And he's not going anywhere.

And he's obviously over us.

And he's the human man of my dreams.

And he's the owner.

And he's trying to call you...

And here.

And here's an extra juice box

And hold your hand on the lazy river.

And how am I supposed to open the door

And I actually have marvelous news.

And I actually tried to hire a wedding planner,

And I am gonna let you talk to me that way

And I am sorry, by the way, about all the...

And I am wondering if you're happy

And I am... I'm happy about it.

And I ate all of them because I was wasted?

And I can have it all, Paula.

And I cannot be stuck in here with you.

And I cherish our friendship

And I decided to... (clicks tongue)

And I do mean bitches...

And I don't know how long that's gonna take.

And I don't know how,

And I don't know if they're real questions

And I don't know what it is.

And I don't like that about myself,

And I don't see an esquire behind your name.

And I don't think you're crazy at all.

And I don't want to be rude,

And I dropped out of your class.

And I feel awful about it.

And I feel bad for him.

And I feel bad for him. He's been through

And I feel so much better.

And I found out about it from Darryl.

And I get it, I miss our friendship, too,

And I go, “What are you guys doing here?

And I got arrested, as,

And I had a million dollars, we could eat here.

And I had no idea.

And I have a great feeling.

And I have been miserable.

And I have made a decision.

And I haven't heard back from him.

And I haven't taken you here yet.

And I hope you both enjoy one on one time

And I I really appreciate it.

And I I'll text Scott

And I ignore him, but we have undeniable chemistry.

And I just think we need to pop the brakes.

And I just... I keep messing it up.

And I just... I ran here, what happened?

And I just... I really think you'd benefit from it.

And I just... you know, I want you to know

And I know exactly what he's gonna say to himself.

And I know how much you love it.

And I know how we both feel about Josh,

And I know how you hate football.

And I know I need to start with you.

And I know Rebecca doesn't think that.

And I know that Greg's in a better place.

And I know that now.

And I know what it feels like to know

And I know you know where he is.

And I left behind a job that would have paid me

And I like those things so much

And I live two blocks from the dojo.

And I look at it a lot, especially in the last few weeks

And I look forward to hearing from you soon.

And I make some mean pancakes, Heather will tell you.

And I mean that with the kids,

And I miss you and I love you and I want you to move back in.

And I read them in a week.

And I really do love all your girl bonding stuff,

And I really need to tell him that I'm dating a...

And I saw that her eyebrows are staggering, of course.

And I should've recognized that

And I take that responsibility very seriously,

And I think what happened was...

And I think what you're doing is great,

And I thought my son was rude.

And I walk up to a casket.

And I want to be a good friend.

And I want to know what it is.

And I want to know what it is.

And I want to know why.

And I want you to be a part of my life

And I was craving a chicken strip basket.

And I was hoping you would come.

And I was the one who kept getting

And I wasn't listening. At all.

And I will rip them apart!

And I will think about this... later.

And I will try to tell her, I will.

And I will,

And I, and I got this cheap veil.

And I, I just lay down and let him.

And I...

And I... pulled a few strings, and...

And I... You you know what? But it's wrong.

And I'll still be back for Christmas and stuff.

And I'm an alcoholic.

And I'm gonna go see

And I'm here, too.

And I'm just planning it all myself,

And I'm just starting to do that now,

And I'm not a theater major,

And I'm not gonna give up on us.

And I'm not gonna wait another minute.

And I'm not just talking about the water under this bridge.

And I'm not supposed to

And I'm planning a wedding to the man of my dreams.

And I'm so sorry.

And I'm sorry.

And I'm too tired to fight with you.

And I'm two of them, so...

And I'm... I'm not gonna do that anymore.

And I've been trying to do it like a normal person.

And I've got a house and two kids,

And I've known that

And I've lived here for 15 years,

And if anyone knew how much I messed things up,

And if I could get back to that place,

And if Rebecca wants to marry him, then good luck to her.

And if you are missing a leg, you limp it off.

And if you are really my friend,

And if you don't tell me right now,

And if you sleep with Josh's best friend, that ruins

And if you'd like proof of this,

And if you're here,

And if you're missing two legs, thank you for your service.

And in that moment, I realized...

And inspires me every day.

And instead, I hit a wall.

And isn't that against the rules of your group, too?

And it can, like, fall apart at any second,

And it described it as

And it hit me.

And it is driving me insane.

And it just exploded right up his butt.

And it just feels so real?

And it made me realize that changing your life... is hard

And it makes me like myself

And it means a lot to me.

And it means a lot to me. You're the best.

And it starts with me getting in with this group of dudes.

And it turned me into a lunatic.

And it was all an accident.

And it was beautiful.

And it was when I stopped looking for signs

And it worked.

And it's about me and Greg.

And it's definitely not

And it's made in America.

And it's never gonna happen again.

And it's not a new relationship.

And it's not horse hair,

And it's only because I'm hungry.

And it's so smoky in here and I'm so sad.

And it's totally goose bump city.

And jackets with wings

And Josh Chan loves me.

And just go back to the way things were, okay?

And just take them out on a little soiree.

And just to be clear, you're not invited.

And let's talk about it.

And live with my mom like I'm a little kid.

And lives with his mother.

And look how you repaid her,

And lots of love.

And loves it.

And make me the happiest girl in the world, okay?

And making me look like a big fat pig.

And married Jesus.

And mature.

And maybe help you... choose a dress?

And mentor, and White Josh's main squeeze,

And muscular.

And my best friend deserves a special meal.

And my garbage self.

And my mother, my garbage father... everybody!

And my name is Allegra.

And my weird theater major roommate had them,

And my... love story.

And negatively impacting my health.

And no one said anything.

And normal things are not for me.

And normal things are not for me.

And not "ha ha" funny, sad funny,

And not all the posts, a normal amount of posts.

And not do anything... To scare you.

And not know what to do next.

And not to you.

And now destiny has intervened right here.

And now he wants money from you?

And now he's giving me goose bumps.

And now I can finally buy that kayak.

And now I know that apparently

And now I know that forcing things doesn't work.

And now I need to get back on a plane and go back to California

And now I see...

And now I want French toast.

And now I'm giving him the key to my “ap heart ment”"

And now it's just...

And now Josh and I break up...

And now that we smell the scent of death on you,

And now the girl that I love

And now the universe is telling me

And now we're gonna be "en gahged" for two years.

And now we're gonna mark him right back.

And now...

And obviously, I came up with the hashtag, bunchofchans.

And of course I'll walk you down the aisle.

And other bonding techniques to lower their cortisol levels.

And other bonding techniques to lower their cortisol levels.

And our hearts.

And own up to your mistakes.

And people act weird during them, too.

And pick out something you like, and whatever it is, we'll do it.

And plus our mutual periods might attract vultures.

And plus,

And plus, I want to prove to everyone that I'm okay.

And plus, it might cheer me up.

And poetic.

And posted an ad for a hummer.

And realize that you are meant for Josh.

And Rebecca is trying to stab him with an EpiPen.

And right now, I am "out rahged."

And right now, I'm deciding to move forward with my life.

And right now, you could have sailed

And Robert!

And rubber ducky board shorts.

And scrub these men out of my life.

And see everything.

And see how it's all going,

And she didn't like most of them.

And she got her clothes from a Dumpster.

And she hugged me even though I was contagious.

And she might do it again, folks,

And she needs to see this thing through.

And she started it.

And she thinks my name is Madge and that I live in Silver Lake.

And she would barf everywhere!

And she's definitely not crazy.

And she's great, and she's in law school, and she's my best friend.

And she's like a a fairy angel.

And she's parked in the red zone.

And so I already went on Craigslist today

And so I can't figure out, like,

And so I wanted to include you.

And so many courtroom farts.

And so super easy to learn, you'll see.

And so, yeah, the whole place is

And so... you're finally a free agent.

And some kid got his book in my fire.

And some loose bread.

And start moving people's offices.

And start your homework, okay?

And starting with your garbage father

And still no sign of her yet again.

And stomped out.

And succulents and lightning bugs.

And suddenly, Nathaniel made me think that was stupid,

And supermarket flip flops.

And sweet and confident

And take like a... personal disaster day

And talked for an hour.

And tell her to come to work now.

And tell them that I can't go.

And thank you for sharing, dude.

And thank you, Darryl.

And thanks for putting up with me these past few weeks.

And that bitch Fate just...

And that I lied to you.

And that is all, Your Honor.

And that is how it works.

And that kind of thing?

And that toilet upstairs has been running for three weeks,

And that we're gonna bring the party

And that you were gonna leave your wife,

And that's 'cause studies show that women

And that's called copying me.

And that's it.

And that's my fault.

And that's the only reason that you moved up the wedding?

And that's what sets me apart from other "mothers."

And that's what's great about this.

And that's why I still live at home.

And that's why I went to the registrar's office today

And that's why I'm bribing you.

And that's why we're re branding.

And the 18th amendment is amazing.

And the APR is ten percent.

And the best part... it's only $175.

And the black pant suits?

And the economic subjugation of the working poor.

And the guys are worried he's drinking again, because...

And the guys are worried he's drinking again, because...

And the key to good organization is foresight.

And the money is yours.

And the more wine I can drink.

And the one thing that she does not need

And the security guard breath off my body.

And then begged him to have... period sex.

And then go ahead and cancel it again

And then Greg abandoned me.

And then he got those lumps that dogs sometimes get,

And then I can just quit

And then I didn't call her for a month.

And then I have to completely cut them off.

And then I lost him in the club, I mean, I really lost him,

And then I passed out in my own vomit.

And then I peed.

And then I told Greg.

And then I TP'd his house.

And then I triangulate the cell tower records,

And then I was... I was worried you might be upset.

And then I'm I'm just gonna lose everything.

And then leaving it on the floor all wide open

And then moved across the country to be with him,

And then moved across the country to be with him.

And then muttered something?

And then my life started flashing before my eyes,

And then pass it off as quirky.

And then she's putting it on the table.

And then suddenly, you kind of feel like

And then the Devil Winds, also.

And then we pick the winner. Oh, God,

And then we start our lives together.

And then we'll just... We'll go from there.

And then we've got the hoodies, the cropped hoodies,

And then you can go on that field trip.

And then you disappeared for a month.

And then you repaid her by sleeping with her,

And then, "Quick, make up some story to get me

And then, a switch gets flipped

And then... you'll be fine.

And there is no celebrity Airbnb in Claremont.

And there's just a lady who hums.

And there's ten more pages printing.

And there's the problem... right there.

And these bonding techniques

And these bonding techniques

And these shoes.

And they both rejected me, so I tried to light a fire

And they bring everyone together.

And they brought in this shark from Guelph

And they film movies here.

And they've been through a lot this last year, so...

And thinking about the next piece of advice to ask you for

And this is our kitchen

And this was before

And to do the right thing and take responsibility,

And Tommy's not gonna be in school,

And try really hard.

And two weeks is actually, it's not,

And two, because of your mental health issues,

And type and understand.

And up to date vendor cards.

And voilà!

And walking me down the aisle. Of course.

And walking me down the aisle. Of course.

And was it a rush for you to propose to me?

And watch whatever we want? Sounds good?

And we actually know each other.

And we are on the same page.

And we are so honored to have supermom Rebecca Bunch

And we cannot add a baby and law school

And we don't need to talk about who did it,

And we find a way into that party?

And we just did, so...

And we just got that harness, so...

And we need to stop talking about it.

And we recently met at the conference of mortgage brokers.

And we supported you

And we think it's because of the Devil Winds.

And we thought that you might have something to do with it

And we use protection.

And we'll get through this together.

And we'll just gab like girls?

And we're both so relieved

And we're just gonna be throwing up.

And we're not a couple, Rebecca.

And we're not going to Raging Waters? (scoffs)

And we're telling you you don't need to take a nap

And we've been waiting for the firemen

And we've known each other for 11 years.

And we've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks,

And what he thinks, even if you wish you didn't.

And when I did that, the world rewarded me

And when I prove

And when I see it on someone else,

And when we don't, we stay in our own lanes.

And when you have friends that are this best,

And where's your beautiful wife,

And whittled it down.

And with the eight pairs of sunglasses,

And yet we have the same father.

And you always tell me the truth, no matter what.

And you are everything I moved across country to get away from.

And you are free and clear.

And you can help me.

And you deserve support.

And you got one dinosaur shaped donut?

And you have done a classic post breakup makeover...

And you have the perfect name for a lawyer...

And you just come running?

And you keep scraping the side of my car?

And you know mine... Embrace me, brother.”

And you know what, I'm sorry, too.

And you know what, this is gonna be great for everyone.

And you know what? He's he's not a flip flop

And you know what? I am really glad that

And you know what? Tomorrow, wear your fancy little Easter bonnet.

And you know, you never even gave this night a chance.

And you made the love of my life say,

And you need to go.

And you need to start acting like normal people.

And you ordered French fries

And you refuse her?!

And you said nothing.

And you said yourself, you said

And you should have worshipped her.

And you soak it in rum overnight...

And you were rude to everyone, you were rude to me,

And you were trying to take my mind off things.

And you will see a significant change in your eyebrow growth.

And you you imagine that being with her

And you'll run and it'll be like,

And you're doing great.

And you're in the sandwich making business, buddy.

And you're not aware.

And you're right, you did a great job.

And you're sleeping on packing materials.

And you're talking about love

And you're the only person

And you're...

And you've only been babysitting for less than an hour.

And your face is... (chuckles) just a mess,

And your ugly son?

And your woo woo woo.

And yuck, it was just, it was over?

And,

And, Greg, I thought you were too damaged to love me,

And, hello, this morning

And, I mean, I don't know, if I'd run into Reuben Fishwell...

And, I mean, I get it, I'm Barb, she's Nancy, and I just...

And, I mean, it is obvious she has no idea

And, not that this matters, but you look really skinny.

And, obviously I called you Hector

And, Paula, he's not effsploiting me.

And, sorry, just to be clear,

And, thereby, be covered

And, uh, and I'll just let you both out.

And, uh, for starters, don't ever call me PP again.

And, uh, I'll stay home,

And, uh, just hard to understand.

And, uh, now that I have, the funny thing is,

And, uh... it's hard.

And, um...

And, um...

And, well, gentlemen, thank you so much for your time today.

And, you know what, maybe I was wrong.

And, you know, do what you want to do,

And, you know, I don't know,

And, you know, I'm doing a do it yourself myself.

And, you know, if you wanted

And, you know, so does Brendan,

And, you know, the... blah.

And?

And..