Strangers with Candy (1999) - Season 1 Edit

A "D"!?

A "Flatpoint High Home of the Concrete Donkeys" t shirt

A 46 year old high school sophomore

A baked potato? That hurt!

A bigot is racist, Jerri.

A boozer, a user and a two time loser.

A cock fight?

A crown that fits snugly around my heart.

A few rumors.

A few years back I was pretty down.

A great looking bacon strip for the dance.

A ha, ha..

A handsome prince showed up to the castle.

A long line of great musicians, Jerri.

A lot of them.

A moving vision of the future...

A pun, a play on words?

A racist!

A retarded little bird told me.

A river that Lewis and Clark had glory upon."

A teacher is upset!

A, um... "Mr. Puffmeister" and "Chief Big Bong."

Aaaarrrrrgggghh!!!

Aaahh!! Yaaahhhh!!

Aahhhhh!! [CRASH]

About 15 years ago.

About a... 32 years ago.

About Kimberly Timbers.

About retardation that you need.

About um... our Sadie Hawkins date!

About your resemblance to monkeys?

Absolutely.

Accidentally.

According to the vicious rumors I started,

Actually, it's gonna numb it wherever you apply it,

After a boot of scag or a snort of horse...

After cutting sugar cane all day,

After he died it was given to your father,

After the... incident

Ah ha ha ha.

Ah, "Problem"'s my middle name.

Ah, ah, arghh!

Ah, ha ha ha ha...

Ah, ha ha ha!

Ah, half sister.

Ah, in my country, you'd be a real queen.

Ah, Jesus...

Ah, she's a cave dweller.

Ah, the chief called?

Ah! De, de, de, the runner!

Ah! Yeah..

Ahem...

Ahh...

Ahh... I see some periodontal disease,

Ahhh, Jerri...

Ahhh, thank you Christopher Surles

Ahhh, what this has to say, huh?

Ahhh... it's beautiful!

Ahhhh!

Ahhhh.

All fists and elbows.

All right now?

All right, everybody for tomorrow

All right, everybody!

All right, he can stay.

All right, Jerri, you have one night to prepare for this test.

All right, let me grab the x rays.

All right, settle down, you jackals.

All right, what's the test on, again?

All right.

All set?

All the desks have been taken by real Flatpoint students,

All too well.

All you can eat.

All you need is some T.L.C.

All you need to do to fit in...

Alright, 1812.

Alright, alright, alright, in the old days I might have.

Alright, alright, it just threw me for a second...

Alright, everybody, for tomorrow

Alright, give way!

Alright, here's an easy one, 1776.

Alright, look, you guys don't need to show me anything,

Alright, so let's pop a cork in the chatter...

Alright?

Alright.

Alrighty, we'll just see.

Am going to keep it.

American History.

And a little less about parties.

And a very friendly Mexican donkey named Ramone.

And all these years I've wondered...

And all they hear is, "who wants cake?"

And also mood stabilizers.

And attach them to my own torso, I would.

And besides, you're not my real mother.

And bring it to school tomorrow, and uh...

And by audacity I mean hubris, overweening pride!

And collect myself.

And cooking my breakfast up in a teaspoon,

And discovering all sorts of things about my body.

And even if I'm spending more time with other people

And everybody thought she was ugly,

And everything I'm saying is the truth.

And expect me to change my lesson plan!

And finally Zeus, father of the gods,

And find out what makes you unique.

And focus it back inside,

And for dessert...

And for the inner beauty section...

And for the inner beauty section...

And frankly, I'd love nothing more

And hanging out with the gutter hypes

And he hasn't.

And I couldn't get away with it.

And I didn't get high last night.

And I don't wanna miss out on it a second time.

And I don't want this to affect our relationship...

And I had to have a laminectomy. Thank you, Jerri.

And I have a good chance of winning.

And I heard a sound, a spray can sound...

And I just don't have the heart to throw them away.

And I know what I'm talking about,

And I looked and I saw the word...

And I promise, in return, to take all the credit.

And I suppose a black woman

And I thought it might comfort you to hear her last words...

And I thought you might know her travel agent?

And I won't have it!

And I, in turn...

And I'll do it again!

And I'll make your pinky all stinky.

And I'm a 46 year old ex con, high school freshman.

And I'm a 46 year old high school freshman.

And I'm a 46 year old high school freshman.

And I'm a 46 year old high school freshman.

And I'm a 46 year old high school freshman.

And I'm a caribou.

And I'm a former grief counselor.

And I'm afraid it all adds up

And I'm gonna have a cheese ball.

And I'm not the same Jerri Blank

And I'm sure there's something I could bust

And I'm sure you think that I hate you.

And I've been pretty tough on you at times,

And if someone tries to make you their bitch,

And if you have any hopes for a happy life,

And if you need to have your memory jarred,

And in response to the query,

And infesting the healthy plants

And is it so strange to be different?

And it looks like you'll be moving on to sophomore year.

And it proves that Kimberly is retarded...

And live out the true meaning of its creed.

And make it mine.

And meanwhile, our cousins from the East were eating bowls of rice,

And most important,

And my new queen is...

And no one is there to see it,

And no remorse!

And now lies motionless in a coma.

And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for,

And personal information into a valuable...

And Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline

And remember, I need permission slips

And right now I'm as moist as a snack cake down there.

And secondly, if Poppy Downes comes out of that coma,

And seeing as I have the munchies,

And sell it on the black market.

And she could be some stiff competition.

And she thinks she might have found a way,

And since they're dangerous

And since we only have 15 minutes...

And since you both basically cancel each other out on looks,

And since you're varsity and you guys get to vote for queen,

And some vitamin "P".

And sometimes it's important to help the process along.

And sooner still who Poppy Downes was,

And tell them your special story.

And that befriending new people

And that includes things I forced on a mule.

And that's all that matters, Paul.

And that's got to be worth something, right?

And that's the difference!

And the knowledge that I did right.

And the passenger side glass.

And the smell...

And the... the rest is hazy.

And then I came out and I saw the word.

And then if it turns out to be one of the violent students,

And then just go with what you know.

And then never ever tell anyone about it.

And then they turn out to be...

And then try to harness her tremendous strength

And then we can spend all summer

And they didn't believe me.

And they don't run in packs.

And this brace serves as a reminder of the power

And uh how would you characterize the stool?

And uh, I was walking down the hallway...

And watch the film.

And watch the film.

And we all know what happened to your father.

And we don't question those.

And we'll do the same to the charlatan conchs!

And we'll tell him all about this report of yours.

And we're both setting down new roots...

And what it's doing to us.

And what's that?

And while they may not be as strong as apes,

And who evidently feels he can just

And will never be.

And you could, umm... go to bed early.

And you here, after being ripped from the secure beauty

And you know what?

And you know where you're gonna end up?

And you left your tape recorder

And you're the only one I know

And your bicuspids seem to be all tartar.

And, uh well, then she died.

And, without your permission,

And... a photograph of me...

Anne Visible huh, huh.

Any drama?

Any other student that you don't know anything about

Any questions?

Any takers?

Anybody could be one

Anybody want lemon?

Anybody?

Anyone else?

Anyway, this friend... Uhh...

Are never friends.

Are you a cop?

Are you all right, Miss Downes?

Are you Chin Woo of the Kung Fu School?

Are you going to pay for that?

Are you here?

Are you high now?

Are you kidding me?

Are you listening to me?

Are you ready for it?

Are you ready to sacrifice everything?

Are you ready to spill the bean?

Are you ready with your report?

Are you sure?

Are you the student who sprayed me?

Argh, aghhh..

Arhhhh!

Arm out, back up!

Around and round she goes, where she stops...

Around the delta region.

Arrrghhh!

As always, this year Special Ed is looking for

As long as I have you.

As soon as they're baked

As they attempted to land.

As they tell us why they want to be queen.

As what was sprayed on the wall, hm?

As you can see, Ricky,

As you know, I was with your girlfriend Poppy

As you know, we're meeting with all the students today.

As you may have heard,

At 12 noon sharp!

At some point you had your tongue bobbed,

AUDIENCE: Jerri, Jerri, Jerri...

Avoid the same road you traveled.

Aw geez, why're you people so sensitive

Aw, G D it!

Aw, I think it's cute

Aw, too bad, you got such pretty hair.

Awww, sorry...

Awww, you're in my sun!

Awww...

B But I guess you won't want it now.

Back at 'cha.

Back away from the word, son.

Back on the boat to where you came from.

Back to class, mach schnell!

Baklava.

Based on this morning's geography pop quiz...

Baton Rouge!

Baton Rouge... Baton Rouge...

Be a minute.

Be careful..

Be prepared.

Beach...

Beat it, plug.

Beauty...

Because I know morality isn't sexy.

Because I was a pathological liar,

Because I won't turn snitch.

Because I'm not a racist.

Because no one can ever take that pity away.

Because of the brazen display of audacity.

Because people like you and people like us

Becky Ann Bedecker already greased me.

Becky Ann Bedecker is in the race

Becky Ann Bedecker.

Becky Ann, all of us are.

Becky Ann? But why?

Before anybody finds out.

Before we leave, that is Ricky.

Before yesterday, I thought being queen was the most important thing,

Before you became so... special.

Behind your back.

Being beautiful on the inside may be its own reward, but...

Believe me, Jerri, if I could hack off your arms

Besides, evolution is a farce.

Bigot?

Bitch!

BLACKMAN: All right, gangway, make room, clear a path!

BLACKMAN: Well, Mr. Cotton...

BLACKMAN: Well, you better solve it quickly.

Blahh... unggh!

Blank, I remember.

Bonjour, señorita Blank.

Both my parents are people of color.

Boy, I sure got the munchies

BOY: I heard it's supposed to rain.

Braces! But if I get braces

Brad...

Brazil.

Break a leg, Jerri!

Bring it on, cherry.

BRITTANY: Good joke, Poppy!

BRITTANY: She really thinks we're going to be friends with her?

Busted!

But a lot went down in school today.

But after coming to the aid of a small wheelchair bound boy,

But at least I know you'll be out there,

But at least I'm doing them the right way.

But at the last minute

But be careful.

But Chief Big Bong is throwing a war council

But don't be surprised if she gnaws her own limb off to get away.

But even if you do win, Chuck,

But first, why don't you tell me what you saw?

But frankly I don't get it.

But he won't finger the culprit.

But her insides had ruby eggs.

But hey, I've been asked not to talk about my fantasies,

But I do know before you do any snitching

But I do know one thing,

But I do know this: You are very small.

But I don't like black people.

But I had to talk to somebody

But I have Biology.

But I never talked.

But I said I didn't and they punished me anyway.

But I studied really hard for this.

But I want to have fun.

But I want you all to know I can't go to Goodtime Island

But I want you to know...

But I was afraid that it wouldn't be

But I... don't worry.

But I'm afraid that's something

But I'm in the pleasure club!

But I'm not here to express myself.

But I'm not sure we want to live in a country

But I'm transferring out again.

But I've changed

But if I don't graduate by the time I'm 50,

But if they don't come, it's just gonna be you and me.

But instead, I'm going to be at home

But it is gonna to stop now!

But it's also known as "glow," "glimmer,"

But leave the door open!

But Mr. Noblet says that I have to watch my hands.

But nothing too... fag gy...

But now I'm out of jail,

But now I'm picking up my life exactly where I left off.

But now it's time to crown our queen!

But on this St. Arbor's Day Week,

But please...

But scientists don't smoke pot,

But she was so lonely...

But some of these retards are extremely clever.

But that's exactly how you help people!

But that's not important.

But that's not the important thing.

But the war is by no stretch of the imagination over.

But then I found out they're just like you and me.

But they're just like you and me!

But wasn't recovering the king's wife

But we've gotta stay focused right now, Jerri.

But what you have to do

But y'know...

But you kicked me off.

But you know something,

But you're my friend.

But your father is extremely disappointed.

But, uh...

But... But!

But... Jerri...

By a border guard down in Florida

By homecoming I want to be as dark as an eggplant.

By the time they rescued her, ten years later,

By turning tricks for Indonesian businessmen.

Bye bye.

Bye ee.

C'mon Yasmine!

C'mon, c'm...

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

C'mon, c'mon, next up, let's go!

C'mon, c'mon!

C'mon, just...

C'mon, or, you gotta give me that one

C'mon, Paul, let's go up to my room.

C'mon, ring it.

C'mon, Yasmine, pick me!

C'mon...

C'mon... Spike!

Call me!

Can I ask who you guys are gonna vote for?

Can I get some water?

Can I lotion you up?

Can I please play the violin?

Can I take those home?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Can lead to having sex with your children...

Can you hold on a minute?

Can you imagine what type of loser party she'll have?

Can you stay a minute?

Capiche amigo, hmm?

Capiche, amigo?

Ceci est mon école, compredez vous?

Changes.

Chapters eight through twelve.

Charles!

Check it out.

Check it out.

Cherry.

Chip is wronger!

Chip.

Chores!? I'm a child prodigy!

Chuck, take five.

Class dismissed, have a good summer.

Clawson!!

Cleaning the wall isn't going to make racism go away.

Clear the room... Clear the room!

Clearly our locker mate's retarded.

Clearly you've won the battle,

Clearly, she's retarded.

Close your eyes, Jerri.

Close?! I won!

Club him!

COACH: Yeah, clamp, clamp, tighten!

Coach.

CODY: I don't know. I'll see you later.

Color me out of here.

Come at you like a whirling dervish,

Come here, ahhhh, Shelly...

Come here, girl!

Come on in, Miss Blank.

Come this Monday morning,

Comprendez vous?

Congratulations.

Connected with that incident in this house.

Conveyed through an allegorical narrative?

Cotton has been reaping the fruits of your loins!

Cotton, Cotton, Cotton...

Could I just maybe see a quick show of hands

Could I speak to Mr. Noblet for a second?

Could you not call me that?

Crippled boy here.

Crippled boy.

Crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmys.

Cut it out!

Cut the brake cable in their car.

D Do you even know who my real father is?

Dad, please, I'm old enough to defend myself!

Daddy, can I talk to you for a second?

Daddy, I'm leaving now. [CAR HORN HONKING]

Daddy, please say something.

Daddy, please!

Daddy, wherever you are, you were right

Daddy, you're playing!

Daddy!

Daddy?

Daddy?

Dammit, Jerri

Damn cracker!

Damn, she's got a nice ass!

Damn!

Dedicating the time capsule.

Degustibus non disputandem est!

Derrick, I can't believe she's your sister.

Desperately yours, Jerri

Did anyone call about my party?

Did he work you over?

Did I do good?

Did I get any calls?

Did I get any color today?

Did ya talk?

Did you ask somebody to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?

Did you do this, Mr. Cotton?

Did you see who did this?

Did you see who did this?!

Did your head try to escape?

Didn't expect me, did ya?

Didn't I?

Didn't you hear?

Different.

Do I know you?

Do we all know what time it is?!

Do we know who did it?

Do we?

Do you come up with these jokes on the spot

Do you have any resolutions?

Do you like that?!

Do you wanna maybe go to the, uh...

Do you?

Does everything have to be about you, Jerri?

Does it become homecoming queen?

Don't fight it!

Don't get high tonight, Jerri.

Don't lock eyes with them, don't do it.

Don't look at me, look at the word.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at what I'm doing,

Don't rub your feces on the lampshade.

Don't thank me, Jerri. You earned it

Don't touch the dog.

Don't touch!

Don't you care why I might not be going?

Don't you just love it?

Down with the new student!

Dring, dring, remember the bell?

Drop in a 454 Holley four barrel,

Drop the drawers, Jerri, and relax.

Drug addiction,

During her final moments...

During the 32 years I spent as a teenage runaway,

Each and every one of you little mother lovers for.

Eating themselves alive, with guilt!

Educate yourself to this reality!

Ehhh...

Enjoy it.

Especially Noblet that homo..." Jerri, see me after class.

Even I can do better than Spike Jabber, Mother.

Even though it's illegal and might violate my parole...

Everybody in the school knows that

Everybody is going to think I'm the racist.

Everybody, it's okay it's cool.

Everyone at this school will have pity on me,

Everything is south of the border.

Everything turned out to be pretty okay.

Evidently not yet old enough to betray a retarded girl.

Ewwww!

Exactly, cut the brake cable to their car.

Exactly!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Expect me when you least expect me.

Expose his flank, I only get one chance at this.

Expressed so lyrically.

Faggot!

Failing grades?!

First of all, I want to reiterate

First of all, I want you all to know

First off, the retarded don't rule the night.

First: Did you just finish eating crackers?

Fit them with their jackets!

Flatpoint High's own, Geraldine Antonia Blank!

Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida.

Florida, umph, beautiful weather,

Focus!

Follow me and don't fight it.

For 32 years I was a teenage runaway.

For an ounce of tic

For Drug Awareness Week.

For example...

For reasons I'd rather not say,

For snaring the retarded.

For some good old fashioned snitcharoo.

For some practical purpose.

For the rest of my life.

For things I said I didn't do

For this week's trip to Goodtime Island.

For you to lose some of that baby fat.

For you to slip up.

For your information, dick a licious,

Fore!

Friendship Collage, right

From los estudiantes nuevos.

From now on this violin is my whole life.

From sticking them in my musical pie.

From that Jew...

From what country did the United States

From what country was the land purchased?

Fun! Fun! Fun!

G d it! I'm not even playing!

G spot...

Gay people? They can be.

Gay?

Geoffrey, are you all right?

Geoffrey, would I make a good strawberry blonde?

Geoffrey! No!

Geoffrey?

Geoffrey.

Geographic lip,

Get away with what?

Get away, go!

Get him... club him!

Get my back.

Get off!

Get out

Get out of my way!

Get outta my way!

Get rid of these...

Get that...

Getting my name out...

Getting Poppy to sign up for the party.

Gimme my turtle.

GIRL: What about her braces?

GIRLS: Whooo!

Give it to me, give me my turtle.

Give me my turtle!

Give me my turtle.

Give me that, you troll!

Glad you think so, Mr. Noblet.

Go ahead and do one snort of tick

Go ahead, Chuck, you can.

Go ahead, coddle the boy.

Go ahead, play!

Go easy there, Poppy...

Go on, tell me what else a black man isn't supposed to be!

Go on.

Go on...

Go, go!

Go!

God dammit!

God damn it!

God, I'm famished.

God, I'm really in a K hole.

God, the smell was ridiculous!

God, they don't make those anymore.

God, those were some good times!

God, what a beautiful day.

God...

Goddammit, Onyx!

Goddamn, that's gotta be tight!

Gonads...

Gone... taken, gone, taken...

Goo... good bye!?

Good bye, Mom?

Good for you, Jerri.

Good for you.

Good for you.

Good luck on thinking of somebody to ask to the dance.

Good night.

Good one, Dad, do it again!

Good one, P John!

Good times!

Good times...

Good.

Gooder.

Goodnight.

Gooks!!

Gosh, I've never seen anyone do that much glint before.

Gosh, that's a nice outfit.

Gosh.

Got a cozy little friendship going.

Got Columbus here fighting the pilgrims

Got it? Do it!

Gotcha!

Grab his legs! Grab his legs!

Great! Let's get started.

Grows into the mighty old oak

Guy, don't you dare.

Guy!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha, Orlando.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha, okay...

Ha ha, Ricky...

Ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha ahhh... I'm an artist.

Ha, ha, ha!

Hah, hah... good one.

Hand me my golden satchels please, Orlando.

Hanging out at Santa's Playland.

Happy New Year, Chuck.

Happy New Year, Geoffrey.

Happy New Year, Jerri.

Hard enough to raise a welt,

Harsh penal system.

Have fun at the dance.

Have fun.

Have you decided who you're going to ask

Have you ever tried it?

Have you seen her teeth?

Have you seen Principal Blackman?

Hazy... oh well... Uhh... oh boy...

He asked me some questions.

He kissed her head off!

He used to be a grief counselor for the school board.

He wasn't!

He'd let me go to Goodtime Island.

He's a new student here at Flatpoint.

He's about blow!

He's new!

He's nothing like us.

Heh heh heh, seriously.

Heh heh heh.

Heh, heh, hah...

Heh, I'm having my uterus sc****d.

Hello there, little ficus.

Hello, Chuck.

Hello, I'm Jerri Blank

Hello, Percy.

Hello?

Her parents are deeply distraught.

Here it is.

Here we see The Acropolis,

Here, we're in the other room, come on.

Hey there...

Hey you there, varsity!

Hey, Cotton Balls,

Hey, Derrick!

Hey, dick lick, I need to talk to you for a second.

Hey, dick lick...

Hey, do we know what time it is?!

Hey, do you know where I uh...

Hey, don't you girls hate it

Hey, Frankenfag!

Hey, has anybody heard from Jerri Blank?

Hey, how did you know about my snitching problem?

Hey, I figured out a way to derail the toddler train!

Hey, I just heard about your nomination!

Hey, I know where we could get some cinder blocks.

Hey, I made you a present.

Hey, I oughta replace it with this.

Hey, Jer, I got a bone for ya.

Hey, Jerr, I hear Anne is coming to your party!

Hey, Jerri,

Hey, Jerri, how's your face?

Hey, Jerri, I'm sorry about what happened.

Hey, Jerri, what's up?

Hey, Jerri, why the long face?

Hey, Jerri, you're gonna have

Hey, Jerri!

Hey, Jerri!

Hey, Kimberly!

Hey, let's go outside and shoot some hoops.

Hey, make a pass at her and find out.

Hey, Mom, it's me, Jerri.