Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) Soundboard Edit

A toast to her, my... my wonderful wife Geraldine.

Afternoon, Bridget.

Ah, yes, of course.

Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Ahh.

Ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no mountain high enough

All right.

ALL: To Geraldine

And beat him to a pulp, quite rightly.

And fasten them together...

And had various local radio bits for..

And I told him not to give any interviews.

And I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK?

And keep New Year's resolutions.

And left him broken hearted, he said.

And then go straight into the interview.

And then interview Chief Fireman Bevan.

And thinking what a fucking idiot I've been.

And we are on fire.

And, um..

And, well, I don't think they'll mind...

Apparently, it's the highest rated show on the channel.

ARETHA FRANKLIN SINGING: ♪ R E S P E C T ♪

ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: ♪ I don't think so ♪

ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: ♪ I feel fantastic, bombastic ♪

Bridge.

Bridge...

Bridget Jones... already a legend

Bridget works in publishing..

BRIDGET: Ah.

BRIDGET: L ladies and...

BRIDGET: Oh, holy Jesus.

BRIDGET: Tom... Eighties pop icon

BRIDGET: Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss..

But I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant

But the thing is, um...

But...

CHAKA KHAN SINGING: ♪ I'm every woman ♪

Climb back up

Come outside

Could I have your attention for a moment, please?

Crikey.

DAD: She's even taking Jaundice Julian...

DANIEL: Hang on. Hang on.

DANIEL: If walking past office...

DANIEL: It was a brilliant..

DANIEL: No.

DANIEL: Oh, piss and bollocks.

DANIEL: Well, I don't think it's bad

DANIEL: Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf

Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts...

DIANA ROSS SINGING: ♪ Ain't no mountain high enough ♪

Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget?

Double shit.

Emotional fuckwits, or perverts

Every year, she tries to fix me up..

Excellent

Excellent.

Fight!

FITZHERBERT: If you've got a moment...

From Handel's "Messiah"..

Fuck me. Uhh!

Geoffrey.

Get back up those stairs, young lady.

Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any.

Go?

Good plan.

Ha! A likely tale

Ha. Huh.

Happy birthday to you

Happy New Year, Brenda.

Has been the result of five years of struggle...

He said that you ran off with his fiancée...

He's always made us proud...

Hello!

HOST: Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain

I can hold my drink.

I can’t live

I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.

I didn't mean it.

I give up. I give up.

I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up.

I have two choices...

I just..

I missed you a lot.

I need you. Without you, twenty years from now...

I should've done this years ago

I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now..

I thought I might ask if...

I want you pointing a hose.

I'm going to give you something to bite on

I'm so sorry

I'm sorry to inform you..

I'm stuck! Oh!

I'm thinking fireman's helmet.

I've got to work on some figures.

If I can't make it with you...

If I say that someday this remarkably clever girl...

In fact..

In the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York

Incidentally...

It does actually remind me of something.

It was all just going so fast..

Jesus. Fuck.

JUDE: Am I co dependent?

JULIE LONDON SINGING: ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪

Just full sex.

Keep me from you

Lara and..

Lies in the deposition they made on August 30th.

Listen, Daniel...

Look, are you and Cosmo in this together?

Lots of prospects for a person who...

Lots of very high quality magazines...

MAN: It's a fight!

MAN: Thank you so much. Thank you.

MAN: What?

Mark

MARK: This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha.

Mark?

Mm hmm.

Mmm. And they want me to start straightaway.

Mmm. Eat up

Mr. Fitzherbert.

MUM: Darling! Geoffrey!

NATASHA: Jeremy’s had the most brilliant idea.

Night, night.

No, ain't no valley low enough

No, it was the other way around.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No. You'll have to fill me in.

Nobody's ever asked me that question.

Not really, no.

Notice what?

Now, what are you going to put on?

Obviously will lose twenty pounds.

Of just how much trouble the company's in

Oh

Oh, bugger, bugger!

Oh, fuck me, I love Keats

Oh, God, I'm sorry

Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know.

Oh, God.

Oh, I...

Oh, OK

Oh, yes, they fucking do.

Oh! Mind the over spray. Sorry

Oh...

OK, we're out of time. We're out of time.

On you in thirty seconds.

Over Bridget's non existent skirt

Ow, ain't no valley low enough

PRETENDERS SINGING: ♪ Don't get me wrong ♪

Publicity.

RICHARD: We have live fire station feeds...

Right

Right. What should I do?

Right. Yeah

ROBBIE WILLIAMS SINGING: ♪ Have you met Miss Jones? ♪

Say it again, ain't no river wide enough

She's only just had her ovaries done

Shh. Bad man. [Both laugh]

Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent

So how are you?

Sorry.

Stop talking total nonsense to strangers

Stop!

Surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment

Television?

Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis...

Thank you so much.

The thing is..

The thing is...

The water's lovely!

Then retired because he found that one record...

There are so many unmarried women in their thirties..

There are stupid things your mum buys you.

This

Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure.

To all the intelligent things you've said.

To Mark and his Natasha

To skirt

To the pursuit of truth.

TOM: Oh, yes!

Trying hard to fight off a vision...

UNA: Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you?

Under a misapprehension

VAN MORRISON SINGING: ♪ Keep me satisfied ♪

We'll see how we go.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen

Well, apart from the one...

Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you...

Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed...

Well, you’ve only just met her. She flew in yesterday.

Well..

What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget.

What do you think of the El Nino phenomenon?

What on earth are you wearing?

What?

What's his name? David? Darren?

Whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV...

While you go home, have a long hot bath..

Who spends most of her time...

Whose side are we on?

Will avoid all non P.C. overtones in future.

With Lara and me...

With no clothes on, remember?

WOMAN: Ahem

Yes. Yes, I think that's fair

You and your mother could be sisters

You know me. I'm...

You once said that you liked me just as I am..

You used to be mad about me

You were four, and I was eight

Your Lewisham fire report, by the way.

Do you have eggs? Yes.

Is she pissed? What?

No fucking room anyway. No.

SHAZZER: Ohh. Oh, you love it

"The Greatest Book of Our Time"...

["Peter Gunn" playing]

[All gasp]

[Barking]

[Bridget laughs]

[Ding]

[Disco music playing]

[Doorbell buzzes]

[Laughs weakly]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] Oh

[Laughter]

[Mild applause]

[New song begins]

[Pam laughs]

[Sighs]

[Snaps fingers] MARK: Right

[Tape rips] Ohh!

[Telephone rings]

[Turns off sound]

♪ Ain't no mountain high enough ♪

♪ Ain't no river wide enough ♪

♪ Ain't no valley low enough ♪

♪ All by myself ♪

♪ All by myself ♪

♪ And all at once ♪

♪ Anything you want done, baby ♪

♪ Couldn't see ♪

♪ Do you know I got it? ♪

♪ Don't wanna live... ♪

♪ Emotionally dumb founded ♪

♪ Every girl from A to Z ♪

♪ I can hear ♪

♪ I never had your heart ♪

♪ It's all in me ♪

♪ It's all in me ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Miss Jones and I ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Now I've met Miss Jones ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Oh, ho ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Out of reach ♪

♪ Put fire inside of you ♪

♪ Say it again ♪

♪ She was just Miss Jones ♪

♪ So far ♪

♪ The best is yet to come ♪

♪ Waitin' for you ♪

♪ Was I ever loved by you? ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Ain't no valley low enough ♪

♪ And making' love was just for fun ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ I can be the most right now ♪

♪ Miss Jones and I ♪

♪ Oh, ho ♪

♪ Someone exactly like you ♪

♪ There's no shame in sharin' love ♪

♪ Till we're done ♪

♪ To keep me from you ♪