Ed Wood (1994) Soundboard Edit

A ghastly creature created from an atomic mutation!

A great man like yourself

Ah! I see you're in the picture business.

All right, forget it

All right, people. Let's get ready.

All right, you kids.

All right. And, action!

And after I'm a woman, Jean Claude and I are going to be married.

And big, fat snails.

And cut!

And left the planet Mars

And maybe even move millions of people

And maybe we can do some business together.

And now that it's done, so am I.

And now we take you to a castle in Transylvania.

And who may you be?

Be careful. Don't hurt him

Before we start shooting, Mr. Wood, we have a few questions.

Bela Lugosi will portray Dr. Eric Vornoff.

Bela,

Bela,

Bela, what's in the needle?

Bela!

Better than wrestling.

But Georgie, I'm proud. I wrote, directed and starred in it

But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action!

But keep in touch. Let me know when your movie opens.

But perhaps we could get together again some time, Mr. Lugosi.

Can I get you anything else, kid?

Come on in. I'll write you another check.

Come over and meet the backers.

Coming!

Cue flying saucer.

Cut!

Dagmar, a rum and coke?

Don't worry, Bela.

Ed, another whiskey.

Eddie, why did you chase them?

Edward D. Wood, Jr.

Everyone, come on. Come in here.

Exactly.

Excuse me, Doctor

Excuse me.

Fantastic.

Fine, all right.

Formaldehyde.

Future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Gotta calm down.

Grave Robbers From Outer Space.

He's just not going to work.

He's such a great actor and no one uses him anymore.

Heck, it'll probably stop by the time we get around the corner. Let's go

Here's one that looks good, Janet Lawton.

Hey, Eddie! Come in here. I got some great new stuff to show you.

Hi.

Hunted.

I agree. Bela, I agree 100%.

I can't get it up. It's stuck.

I cannot believe I'm in Hollywood.

I don't believe in thinking small,

I don't understand.

I don't understand. Do you want my autograph?

I got a son.

I got to thinkin' about all the sacrifices you've made and I...

I had to for a month

I have no home.

I have proven that I am all right!

I just wanna say that this film

I know it's a lot to give you at the last minute, Bela, but...

I made it up.

I make the casting decisions around here!

I never said I could ad lib.

I still don't know where to hang the towels.

I thought you were gonna make a sex change film!

I told you I don't want any of your goddamn coffins!

I want to suck your blood!

I wish I hadn't blown every dime I ever made into making this stink bomb!

I'm embarking on another bus and truck tour of Dracula.

I've always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde.

I've got some great news.

I've seen reviews where they didn't even mention the costumes.

Imperial Whiskey.

In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.

In this forsaken jungle hell,

Is for Bela.

Is that possible?

It opens in nine weeks in Tulsa.

It was just the two of us and we were talking. He treated me like a friend.

It's a wrap.

It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.

It's the title of the movie, for Christ's sakes!

It's uncanny

Just like one of those Mad Scientist movies.

Kinda easy with you in that armchair over there

Look, Doctor,

Looks like he's killin' ya. Okay.

Move it outta here, huh?

Mr. Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin?

My dad worked for the post office, I was a Boy Scout.

My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

Never to return again.

No hospital.

No, I'm just a transvestite.

No, it's fine. It's real

No, no, I want you to know how much I appreciate all you've done for me

No, no. I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.

No, of course I'm gonna make the picture.

No!

Nobody will ever notice that.

Not anymore.

Now here

Now, Janet, I...

Now, that was a premiere

Of the true story

Oh, don't be silly. Let Harry finish.

Oh, I get it.

Oh, it's just hogwash, hon. I had to get into the door somehow.

Oh, look. Cover your face with this.

Oh, yeah, you.

Oh, yes, they do. Two people.

Oh, you haven't!

Oh. Sorry. Don't let me slow you down.

On, shit.

Orson Welles and me.

Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps.

Pardon me. Miss Vampira?

People believe my folderol because I wear a black tuxedo.

Perfect.

Puppy dog tails,

Racula.

Really? Wow!

Say, Bill, which dress works better for you, the red one or the green one?

See? No talking

Shh!

Sidekick?

So now she wants to prove that all the monster stories are true

So people wouldn't really notice me in the movie?

So that's where my sweater's been.

So, how's about Friday night?

Sort of.

Take a deep breath

Take me to the nearest bar, and make it snappy!

Thank you.

That I can be its master!

That I can be its master!

That is why you are here

That's a wrap.

The home they had so long shared together

The house looks like they have lots of kids.

The jungle is my home.

The movie is called Bride Of The Atom.

The side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.

The women prefer the traditional monsters.

The world premiere of my new movie, Bride Of The Monster.

Then once you're up to speed and cookin',

Then we'd be a stronger nation, too.

There's something you should know.

There's the secretary in the newspaper office, the file clerk...

These lines...

They're canceling my

This happens all the time.

This is gonna be Bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive

This is the big moment.

This is the one.

This is very interesting.

Those teeth don't frighten me.

Tonight, I shall die.

Tor... Uh, Mr. Johnson.

Trick or treat!

Twelve cities in 10 days, if that's conceivable.

Uh, Mr. Lugosi, could I have your autograph, please?

Until then, pleasant nightmares.

Was stolen.

We are giving you all the evidence

We shot 10 minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds.

We started shooting, but after three days we got shut down.

We've got a big day planned for you.

Well, Eddie, what's my motivation?

Well, go knock 'em dead.

Well, in a normal studio it'd be about a million bucks

Well, my new one, I think, would be about $60,000.

Well, she plays...

Well, somebody misplaced the octopus motor

Well, this is my way of telling you.

What is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?

What kind of sick mind operates like that?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Bring me two more Beefeater martinis.

Without it, I can't pay the rent.

Wow!

Wow! Look at these camels!

Yes, that's right. The Bela Lugosi

Yes!

You are about to see an extraordinary motion picture.

You bastard!

You know that Christine Jorgensen freak?

You know, in actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with that problem every day.

You must be double jointed.

You two timing, dress wearing son of a bitch!

You'd be perfect.

You're like the god that looks over

You're upset.

You've worked very hard on this experiment

Your selection is quite shoddy. You're wasting my time!

Did you find it boring? No, not at all.

Eddie? Huh?

Excuse me, sir? Yes?

Gets cold in the hospital. Mmm.

He does? Mmm hmm.

Hey, Vampira, how 'bout a little love! Fuck off!

Hi, Lillian. Hi, Ed. He's got a lot of visitors today.

I guessed. Really?

I just wish you coulda seen the movie. Ah

Please, sit down. Thanks.

Sound! Ed, we don't have sound.

Sound. Speed. Scene 97, take one. Mark.

The end. Whew!

What plan will you follow now? Plan 9

You got a phone call. Who is it?

You will obey! Uhhhh!