American Auto (2021) - Season 1 Edit

A little blue collar perspective up here.

A status symbol, and a work of art.

A white car that hits Black people looks worse

About cars then in general.

About what made you excited to come to Payne?

About what your bedsheets looked like,

Actually drive anywhere?

Actually, I really hope it is you.

Actually, with him, I might. He's like low key genius.

After well, you know, and you want to get rid of me.

After today, he'll go back to the line.

Ahh!

All right, so someone bring me up to speed

And a showerhead that's shaped like a fuel nozzle.

And a spider on LSD who also had bad taste.

And a subordinate you just had sex with.

And also a lemon?

And also international.

And ask ourself what do people like about cars?

And got into a head on collision with Blossom

And I actually like it.

And I heard you're the best.

And I'm stuck with it forever like herpes.

And it would look really bad for me

And it's a man.

And members of the Payne family.

And next thing you know,

And scene recognition that will revolutionize

And so you're part of this now.

And sometimes it'll come out like this

And then ask the Black guy to fix the systemic racism.

And then before you introduce the car,

And then the car was reassembled by a blind villager

And then uses machine learning algorithms to identify...

And we can't just cancel it.

And we'll continue this on the B side, Katherine

And you ain't picked up nothing about lights?

Anyways, so the analysts, they get here at 5:00.

As the car of the future.

As your Klanmobile over there,

At least I got to design my own car.

Based on their race would look pretty not great.

Because my supervisor said it was you.

Because when everyone gets to design their own car,

But I am a bit embarrassed because truth is,

But I'm telling you, man, Ewell Payne would not have

But let's not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

But then the second horn is, like, "eeh."

But until now, all our CEOs have been men

But yeah, essentially, it's just like a big Roomba.

But you cannot flirt with a woman.

But you definitely have a car.

Chassy. Perfect.

Come on.

Cyrus, maybe you want to explain your vision to us?

Define cars for that matter.

Do I appreciate cars? Sure.

Do I love them? I mean, define love.

Do we like it?

Do y'all know the automatic soap dispensers

Do you know how much pressure that puts on me?

Do you know I've never been up to this level

Don't get involved in that type of thing.

Driving is just fun.

Factory's Team Wesley, right?

First ever modular customizable vehicle

For a new day shift operator in the Westland,

For over 100 years.

For the presentation this afternoon?

From a tribe that had never seen technology

Go into a different field, you know?

Go see whoever the heck that is.

Guys, just pull these right out.

Hell, even a cheap shampoo at the hotel works for you.

Hey, if there's a power struggle,

Hit a white person if they was in blackface?

Honestly, and this is not false modesty,

How some people fetishize transportation.

How to use is my hair curler and my vibrator.

I believe it was inspired by the platypus.

I can flirt a little,

I didn't program it from scratch.

I don't know how to drive.

I don't need, like, a whole big intro.

I don't think it's an air ah! Anyway, enough from me.

I had nothing to do with this car.

I have been asked to introduce our new female CEO.

I just got Wi Fi.

I just have one question, the name Ponderosa,

I just wanna keep things moving.

I just wanted to say

I like the two lights on this.

I may have coincidentally fallen totally on my own.

I mean, define car person, right?

I mean, if anything, I think is kind of weird

I mean, isn't that what people call a car that sucks?

I mean, not whole cars, just the best parts.

I mean, obviously, it wasn't just the money.

I thought for a moment that we built a car

I thought maybe you felt weird about having me around

I thought you might wanna say a few words

I was feeling very gassy when I got on my chassy.

I wouldn't let my drug dealer

I'd had a few drinks, and he's very attractive.

I'm able to be more effective as a consultant.

I'm just kidding

I'm the best at nicknames. Hey, hey.

I've always thought that. Have you?

If anyone calls, I'll be down at the test track.

If anyone's gonna be fired, it's probably gonna be me.

If he saw that woman running the company that he founded.

If I was CEO, I would have said "Make it so."

If it's on your property.

If this is about the truck plant thing,

If you're not that into what you're selling.

In pharma, let's say that the patent

In the halls, so

In the life of an executive is like?

In the pharmaceutical industry,

In the restrooms don't even work for me?

In their right mind would want a self driving car.

Is it's how do you say this? Chassis, chass ees?

It feels like we could use

It has seven key innovations

It helps with pain. I'm okay, I'm okay.

It hit Indian folk, too.

It looks like if Bjork were driving to the Oscars

It looks like something Bjork would drive to the Oscars.

It was developed before I started at the company.

It would have been bad before Black Lives Matter, too.

It's because she knows nothing about the auto industry.

It's fine. I'm the new CEO.

It's gonna be fun.

It's good stuff to think about...

It's got a sort of bohemian/rococo/steampunk vibe.

It's just, like, a vibe. Yeah.

It's like a dull, slow, bad tree car.

It's like in pharma

It's not a problem for me. It's just, show's in an hour

It's not like we'll be running into each other

It's not that big a deal anymore.

It's some worker. He looks lost.

It's, like, if you're really into heroin, don't sell heroin.

It's, like, super embarrassing.

Just as soon as we Stop it.

Katherine already thinks I'm some car obsessed fangirl.

Katherine?

Last week, that was fun, but it was a mistake.

Let me hand it to our director of comm mark something,

Like, "Excuse me, the light is green."

Like, "I hate you."

Like, "She's a beauty. Let's take her for a spin."

Like, pon sounds like poon,

Like, you don't have to go.

Look, I am sorry.

Mm mm, scratch that.

Mm, but I will figure it out because I'm a professional.

Name one other thing that's utilitarian

Night.

Now she's also gonna think I can't keep my pants on at work.

Of the melting pot that is America,

Oh, baby, drive us around the block.

Oh, that's nicer.

Okay, so maybe we just think of some other features.

On the way to prom,

On this self driving car that we are announcing.

On your big pain pill is about to expire.

Once you get in that thing, you can go anywhere you want.

Only take a sec.

Optics wise, I think

Or a dark blue car, or darker brown skin.

Or anything like that, I like cars 'cause they're cool.

Payne Motors has been making cars for 100 years,

Plus, we just hit him with a car in a way

Race is about a shared culture, history, and traditions.

Rasputinol is making $1.6 billion.

Right?

Right?

Run a billion dollar corporation.

Sadie...Mc

See, it still confuses with dark tones with shadows.

She's never gonna find out.

She's so generic.

So I just picture a giant pink vagina on wheels

So if you want Who's that guy?

So in retrospect, I think talking

So it's one of those two.

So no banging now. I'm not a prude.

So occasionally, certain darker optics come off as not there.

So our cars will reflect the diversity

So should we get back to the car we're supposed

So the first horn is like, "Rrrrh!"

So you mix a little poop meds in with your pain pill,

Some black cardboard cutout thingies, you know, inclusion?

Sometimes I'm in a place, and I need to go

Sometimes it'll come out great,

Sorry, not the factory. Just anyone who works here.

Sorry, there's a child, sleeping child.

Sounds like someone who uses a catheter.

Sounds like we're saying

Still write it down so we don't forget it.

Than a black car that hits Black people.

Thank you.

That is it. They look cool.

That might be perceived as a hate crime.

That the car identifies objects using machine learning?

That the car is self driving, right?

That was just an offer.

That was pretty cool.

That we designed the world's first racist car?

That we got this call asking

That we need to say to explain this.

That wouldn't hit Indian people.

That's like a polite horn

That's the big reveal?

That's why I don't get why anybody ever

That's why it grossed 1.6.

The all new Payne featuring a safety feature.

The car of the future, the Ponderosa!

The Mitsubishi Pajero.

The most technology I know

The one time I make a mistake,

The point is we're all different.

The Ponderosa will be Payne's first fully autonomous vehicle.

The Ponderosa!

There were stock options.

There'd be nowhere to go but down.

There's also the Ponderosa lemon and the Ponderosa snails.

There's fuel economy, safety, price, comfort

There's the Chevy Nova, the Mazda Laputa,

These random car parts supposed to come from?

They didn't hit me that hard.

They just weren't attached to their bodies.

They look at a bunch of different factors.

They sound cool. They are fun to drive.

This is white privilege.

This just doesn't see darker skin.

This presentation is in six hours,

To all of you today.

To another place, and cars help me do that.

To be involved with a guy from the factory.

To have redesigned and produced in roughly five hours?

To the truck plant in Westland?

Wanted that woman running his company.

We knew it would be a challenge to create the world's

We tested it on were all white.

We would test a product before we announced it.

We're about 95% sure about my cousin.

We've made advancements in sensor fusion

Well, at least you're not being forced to work on a project

Well, constipated people get pain, too.

Well, I guess you can, technically.

Well, that could be a challenge leading a car company.

Well, the operative word is

Well, you know how I was saying

What's happening? Oh, I bumped him upstairs.

When Paynes have been running Payne Motors successfully

When you're white, Band Aids look good on you.

Where the buyer chooses the parts themselves

Which means vagina, and de rosa means "of pink."

While at the same time, a fashion accessory,

Who didn't go to business school

Who spoke Spanish.

Who wouldn't want to design their own car?

Why the board put this woman in charge

Why, are you like some kind of crazy car person?

With a new boss you're trying to impress

Yeah, that might've been a mistake.

Yeah, to me, it sounds like ponderous, like dull,

Yes, please. [grunts]

You can do whatever you want to something

You don't start with boner pills.

You know why?

You know, I think the name's crap.

You know, like a dull, ponderous car.

You know, with a man, if I make a mistake,

You should come. Me?

You start with hypertension, move your way up to boners.

You're gonna be targeting next?

'Cause we don't have a single Shawn that works here.

'Cause you can't call women "baby."

"Sexy Sadie," new nickname, boom!

"Well done," probably. The car's not racist.

[grunting]

[laughs]

♪ All day long I don't stop ♪

♪ Friday night's pay night, guys fresh out of work ♪

♪ Get your motor runnin'

♪ Heading home to their families ♪

♪ I met her at a dance down at the union hall ♪

♪ Sometimes we'd go walking down the union tracks ♪

♪ Wearing trouble on their shirts ♪

♪ Working on the highway

A lot of people have herpes.

A wristwatch.

♪ Get your motor runnin'

Ahh!

All cars are women. Everyone knows that.

All right, everybody. Let's go make a car.

All right, guys, I think we need to step back

All right, how about that?

Alleged accident. Right.

And another feature of the Payne Ponderosa

And by darker objects, do you mean

And can you handle whatever A/V stuff we need

And FYI, I didn't test it on non white cutouts

And they come okay. Just press it.

Anyway, today we are You can sit

Are you trying to have me transferred

Because they knew I didn't want it.

But aren't snails like the slowest animal,

But it's not a woman. It's a car.

But sure, blame the Black guy for systemic racism,

Can I just say like as a regular guy

Cars are where form meets function.

Chass y. Chass y, oh, like gassy.

Come on, mate, tell them all about your cool car ow.

Could be. Okay.

Cyrus, there's someone Don't worry, we'll stop.

Didn't stop all those babies from being born without heads.

Do people wanna drive a tree?

Do you guys like my jacket? No one said anything about it.

Do you? Yes, I do.

Does anyone here speak Spanish?

Does he? Mm hmm.

Don't need one. Watch

Especially since Black Lives Matter.

Exactly, thank you. I was getting to this.

Exactly. She's literally a drug dealer.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Actually.

Figures, first car to do the driving,

Frankenstein.

Good to know. Yeah, we can do that.

Good, now tell me this, would the car also

Got it, neutral. Respect.

Grassy Shirley Bassey got on her chassy.

Great? Oh, my God.

Great. Great.

He loves you. Okay, which Shawn was it?

Hello. She just bought two ladders.

Here you go. Oh

Hey, could you give me a hand?

Hey, don't take their dry cleaning.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. I just

Him, why? Why him?

Hm? Yeah.

Honestly, I'm not really that into cars.

Hot assembly line guy? Yeah

How are you just figuring this out now?

How do I put this in drive? It's voice controlled.

How do I put this?

How is that misogynistic?

How is this my fault? I licensed the AI.

I actually think it's better

I am honored to get to present the Ponderosa

I can totally see it being you, dude.

I do not know his last name

I don't know.

I don't wanna interrupt your flow.

I find that hard to believe.

I just had a little bit

I just never worked for a woman before.

I never even flirt with coworkers.

I think any car that targets people

I think it is endangered.

I think you figured it out.

I thought he hated communists.

I used to snort Rasputinol. Everyone did.

I wasn't. I'm just looking.

I would never.

I'm just not sure polite horn counts

I'm not sure if they live on land or water...

I'm not sure it's something I'd drive,

I'm sorry. I would never I'm sorry.

I'm sure nothing will be as innovative and exciting

In a way, being the CEO would have been the easy way out.

In six hours?

Is it a lot?

Is it good? I can't tell.

Is it what you expected? Yep, pretty much it.

Is this what a typical day

It comes from the Ponderosa pine tree.

It is a lot. Yeah.

It is interesting.

It should go without saying, but don't bang in here, okay?

It tested well. Really?

It wasn't ideal.

It'll stop. Stop it.

It's okay.

Jesus, people.

Just haven't you This place is really nice.

Just yeah, right there.

Just go like this Yeah

Just hold this here while I try to bolt it.

Just in there? Yeah, like right there.

Just unplug this 'cause I'ma keep my job.

Lead with that, say that.

Legally speaking, that's not

Like a black cat,

Like a screw or a bolt?

Look, if they'd loved it,

Look, there's like 15,000 people who work here.

Lots of people. Was one of them Shawn?

Machine. Learning.

Me?

Me? Oh, no, not really.

Mm hmm. Dori.

My great grandfather would be rolling over in his grave

No one's saying it's your fault.

No, I think it was Irishmen. No.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Not intentionally.

No, that was not me

No.

Not a natural speaker, is she?

Not really, I don't know why you'd say that.

Now that you said it out loud, I was thinking it.

Now what's the share price? Hong Kong Exchange is 28 1/4.

Now, a number of you might be wondering

Now, how you know what her showerhead looks like?

Now, let me put it under your elbow.

Now, why would I wanna leave Detroit, Sadie?

Oh, because he hated women?

Oh, cool, cool. Wait, what?

Oh, Cyrus, where is the break?

Oh, good. We're raising expectations.

Oh, hey just take any open desk.

Oh, I can do that in two words, the money.

Oh, I just needed to talk to you.

Oh, I'm just cleaning out my locker.

Oh, no No, no, that's not we

Oh, no, no, mm mm, mm mm.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, Westland? Westland.

Oh, you told me. We have this new boss.

Oh! Be your own people.

Oh.

Oh. Mm hmm, yeah

Okay, for me, a car is about freedom.

Okay, so what about if we had a second horn

Okay, sure. Yeah, hold that in.

Okay, the analysts don't know

Okay, we need to figure out how we're gonna handle this.

Okay, well, maybe we should

Okay, what if we painted the car black?

Okay, when people are buying cars,

Okay.

Okay. Nice support.

Ooh, like an all star team. Or like the Avengers.

Or me. Yeah.

Please. 15,000 people work here.

Really? Who do you hear that from?

Resign, resign, resign.

Right, but like, now we understand that also.

Right, thank you. Okay, new approach.

Right, well, maybe just more what you love

Right.

See our new overlord?

Seems like he needs to talk to you.

She did pretty well with that drug company.

Shut up, when? Greg's retirement party.

Sick burn, man. Thanks.

So does this self driving car

So it's not all bad. Silver lining.

So ladies and gentlemen,

So where are all

So would you like to tell us which ethnic minority group

So you just wanna combine like a bunch of cars?

So you've made a car that hits Black people?

Thank you all so much for coming tonight

Thank you for being an ally. His words.

Thank you, Wesley.

Thanks.

That's a beautiful sentiment. Almost poetic.

That's kinda neat. It's like a Roomba.

That's probably why it tested so well.

That's weird. Okay, now I'll go okay.

The auto industry is changing.

The name isn't important.

There's a child here. Anyone's child small boy.

There's gotta be a manual or something.

There's no break! Baby, stop!

These are the employees' cars.

They didn't offer you the job.

They had heads.

They're push button.

This here? Yeah, like right here.

This looks nice.

Those are push button. Say what now?

To be fair,

Ugh, God.

Uh huh. That would be another one.

Wait, you're leaving?

Wasn't there a car that meant something bad in Spanish?

We tested it, but the cardboard cutout thingies

We think we know what caused the accident.

We're not saying that it is a tree.

Well, at least it's not racist.

Well, because I would like his perspective.

Well, because you got Ferrari bedsheets

Well, I didn't want the job.

Well, I guess we'll be seeing each other occasionally.

Well, I've been bringing my own soap,

Well, no.

Well, not unless your Roomba can create a 3D map of the road

Well, someone's cuckoo for car nuts.

Well, this car is a man, okay?

Well, why don't we get

Westland? Westland.

What a beauty, huh?

What about some sort of safety feature?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing to my car? I'm stealing your hubcaps.

What do you need?

What do you think?

What would Ewell Payne have said if he saw

What?

What? He didn't give me herpes.

What's with the box?

Which they brought onto company property.

Who'd you get it from then?

Why? Because of systemic racism.

Why? Is she ******* or something?

Why? You scared you'll miss me?

Y'all know what this is, right?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how many metaphors

Yeah, it's like a Roomba.

Yeah, probably. Right on!

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, you know, I've gotta say, I agree with you.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Quite a few of them actually.

Yep, basically.

Yep, fine.

Yep, I mean, it's eclectic.

Yes, no, what happened was

Yes, please get in.

Yes, Shawn. Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. To me, it sounds dirty.

You can bang in here later.

You don't like cars? I mean, they're fine.

You just pull these out!

You know, most of us just punch in and out,

You like cars as much as I do.

You'd think these companies would hire at least one guy

You'll be fine, all right?

You're calling it "baby"? Seems a bit misogynistic.

You've been to 722 raves,

You've literally never left Detroit in your entire life.

'cause we don't have non white cutouts.

[all gasp] Shut up, shut up, shut up!

[applause]

[Bruce Springsteen's "Working on the Highway"]

[laughs]

[phone buzzes] Oh, that's my Uber.

[Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild"]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

♪

♪

♪

♪ Head out on the highway

♪ Head out on the highway

♪ In whatever comes our way

♪ Looking for adventure

♪

♪ Some are looking to get hurt ♪