A deep breath for my fucking money Dan!
A kind of concept album about the various sizes of paper
A move from the pub to the club for some awesome sounds
A night down the pub with your mates and it's fucking mental
A4 sounds
Ah, nice
Ah, Robin
All of which I've chosen to ignore
Alright fuck sticks
Alright spunkflake
Alright toe job
Alright you bum pilot
Alright you fucker
Alright you zips
Alright you zips!
Alright?
Am I going to write it myself Dan and not pay you any money?
And I'll be through in a minute
And Teriyaki meat salad
And the homeless, what's that all about?
And why not?
And, bat
Any fucking suggestions?
Any time you want to use any of the facilidados here, I can fix that
Apparently you are
Are you going to write an article about it?
Are you hard up for entertainment?
Ashcroft goes stray for pay
Ashcroft, Ashcroft, Ashcroft
Ashcroft's going to call the Weekend on Sunday a bunch of fuck zips
Awesome
Bad to have a bad uncle
Bad to have a bad uncle
Bad to have a bad uncle
Bangers and mash, bum
Be enabled, Place is creativilisation
Because maybe you should
Because um, is that alright?
Best bit's in about an hour and a half
Big brown elephant shit crack
Bum
Business manager, sits in his office all day looking at charts
But Dan, last time I had to write it for you, because you went a bit
But he is an idiot
But he's a bibble
But Max Herbert at the Weekend on Sunday agrees with me
Buzz on my nads
Can I borrow a tenner?
Can I borrow your laptop?
Cap some Susans
Check it out yeah
Check it out yeah, it is well bu
Check it out yeah, Trashbat dot cock?
Check out the web site yeah, it's well fucking futile
Check them out, direct comparison
Check this out
Check this out you bleeding fucking bum wart
Claire
Claire Ashcroft
Claire Ashcroft
Claire, did you do me in my sleep?
Classic
Click on diary to see my new phone
Come on, that's just, you are ill
Dan
Dan
Dan Ashcroft
Dan Ashcroft
Dan Ashcroft yeah?
Dan Ashcroft!
Dan Ashcroft!
Dan Ashcroft?
Dan Ashcroft?
Dan!
Dave Bikinis is going to be there
December 8th, 1980
Did you clean up afterwards?
Did you read my piece about the idiots?
Do it, then write about it
Do you know, I've had an ape hour, every day, since watching this thing on Discovery
Do you mind if I crash here?
Do you mind?
Do you need a laptop?
Do you reckon?
Does the Pope fuck kids?
Don't think you should mate, you're a bit jumpy
Donnie Docker, Howard Marks, Huggie Bear, Memorex, MP3, Marlon Brando
Dot cock
Dot cock yeah? Registered in the Cook Islands
Dot cock, that is funny
Eight screening rooms, five recording rooms, and a weekly juice market
Enominate bigamy
Everything made here, spurts out through this pipe
Feel sorry for you, finger slaves, yeah
Fifteen hundred quid?
Four rounds at the Nail Gun and then dinner
Fuck
Fucked her in the arse
Fucking hel
Fucking hilarious and you can't lose
Future's cum flannel
Genius
Go on, get it up your beak
Going dark
Good yeah?
Got a shotgun strapped to my back
Hail the rise of the idiots
Halal
Halal halaman halal
Halal!
Happens in working class family pubs like the Grey Lion, a lot of builders
Has your telephone number got an H in it?
Have you ever taken acid?
Have you got my money?
Have you read it?
Hawkwind?
He got ill because he swallowed a spike
He swallowed a spike
He was passing me the torch
He was watching the back of your tits when you got changed thoug
He'll sort out the paperwork, and Bob's your film
He's an idiot too
Heidi
Hello
Hello, my name's Nathan Barley and I'm an idiot
Hello, my name's Nathan Barley and I'm an idiot
Hello?
Hey Dan, Dan, preach
Hey Dan, we get something for you mate
Hey K hole!
Hey let's call it Barley yeah?
Hey Mr Trash Cock
Hey sis
Hey, you're
HI
Hi
Hi fanny blossom
His trousers fall down and there's a piss stain on his pants
His trousers full down, and there's a piss stain on his pants
How are you doll snatch?
How?
How's it fucking collapsing?
HQ's just around the corner
Huhuhuhu
I can't get your money
I did
I do not beige
I don't drive
I don't even know him
I don't know, it was in France
I don't want to go back
I have Bonobo Syndrome
I hear you are dressing up as Preacher Man
I heard he got a big feature job at Suga****?
I just got a zappuccino
I killed his cat
I know, and isn't that great that we're going to share it with so many people
I know, you'll love this one, it's well girly
I need some money
I rate that easily the best thing I've ever read
I think you're going to have to record a public statement
I tried to sort this out this morning, but the barber couldn't finish because um.
I was going to offer you £2000
I'll do an interview at 6
I'll text it over
I'm a self-facilitating media node
I'm about to ease a smile into your totally gorgeous mush
I'm going to do laps basically after that
I'm Nathan Barley, watch the fuck out Japan
I'm not a preacher man
I'm one of them
I'm sat cross-legged, on a cushion
I've come about the film grant
I've just told you
I"m a filmmaker
Is that Doug Rocket?
Is that what you're after, a loan fuck?
It actually induced the first of many nervous breakdowns
It sounded good, strong healthy jet
It's also a camera, it's also MP3 decks. It's been out for three weeks in Japan, where's yours?
It's an online urban culture dispatch
It's for my web site, it's going to be awesome
It's not really meant to be funny
Just listen to me OK, you're retards
Keep feeling fascination yeah?
Keep fucking the idiots, yeah?
Keep it chopped out yea
Keep it dense yeah
Keep it dusty
Keep it foolish
Keep it livid
Keep it mencap you fucking ear!
Know it, I practically bum it on a regular basis
Laters
Laters honey tits
Laters you greasy cock fart
Latte, no sugar
Listen Dan I'd love to debate the tits off this, but I've got an 11:07
Looking, learning, moving on
Major breakthrough!
Maths
Maximum
Miaow
Michelle gets the £20,000
Music
Music
Music
Music
Music... Barley UK
My name's Nathan Barley, and I like throwing people out of windows
My web site?
Nancy Spungen
Nathan Barley just told me you were doing a term
Nathan Barley, AKA as Trashbat
Nice glass of dutch wine?
Nice one
Nice one Dan-bo
Night Toby
Night Toby!
No
No
No, no
Now they've entered the building
Oh
Oh for fuck's sake
Oh fucking hell!
Oh I do
Oh yeah respect for that?
Ohhh, your bumhole just farted up my muf
OK, here's the credos
OK, I'll write about that
Once the idiots were just the fools, gawping in through the windows
Online tramp racing from Russia, totally dereg yeah
Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh
Overrating, etc
Override the finger yeah?
Pain, pain of the monkey
Peace and Fucking
Peace and fucking Preach
Peace and Fucking, Believe
Peace and fucking, believe
Pigs are actually quite intelligent
Pigs are saddos yeah?
Pingu screaming
Pingu, coffee!
Piss off
Place, a farm for idea
Please
Preacher Man
Prostitutes, some of them are awful
Pub etc?
Quick it'll blister
Quite hilarious
****
****? Excellent, yeah
****do
Really?
Really?
Regime
Reindeer sausage and pumpkin puree
Renegade production node
Ringtone
Rise of the Idiots, awesome fucking opinions dude
Robert Palmer lives in my mobile
Rocket consistently redefines Think
Sellout
Shake the woman's hand mate
She is my sister
She's actually got Bonobo Syndrome, you know the monkey thing?
She's so coked up, she's probably stopped menstruating
She's the VJ off the telly
Shit or something
Sleep well!
So say brother Natha
So what you working on?
So what's new?
So, I'm Nathan Barley
Stanley Knives yeah
Stop it, you're all idiots
Stuff and shit is cool
Stupid people think it's cool, smart people think it's a joke, also cool
Suga****
Suga****
Take the day off
Taking the lips, down to the nips
Tell her your name's Nathan Barley
Terrorists are gay! Terrorists are gay! Terrorists are gay!
Thanks
Thanks
Thanks
Thanks Jon
That is well bu
That is well no way
The er guy
The guy?
The guy?
The idiot doesn't think about what it is saying, thinking is rubbish, and rubbish isn't cool
The idiots are self-regarding consumer slaves, oblivious to the paradox of their uniform individuality
The idiots are winning
The people we see every day, but we ignore because we're too busy listening to our iPods and thinking about kitchens
The rejects of society
The rise of the idiots, by Dan Ashcroft
Then we come back here and we chop some sense into that bollock
They babble into handheld twit machines about that cool email of a woman being bombed by a wolf
They sculpt their hair to casual perfection, they wear their waistbands below their balls
They use the word cool. It is their favorite word
They're great
This is a really annoying ring tone
This is my ape hour
This is Nathan Barley
This is Nathan Barley for Trashbat with
This is the coke head from last night?
This one suit you?
This one's really working
This, is Trashbat
Toby!
Toss off a builder, then write about it
Totally sums up my credos
Trash as in what's all around us
Trashback dot cock
Trashbat dot cock, it's my web site
Trashbat party yeah, you can come, you can come, you can come, get startled
Trashbat?
Tried to come to terms with myself
Triple size, four shots in it, and the best fucking foam you've ever squirted from your milky pump
Try Stanley Knives yeah, they're well bum
Twenty Kubrics?
Twice in one day
Uh
Uh yeah
Uh, geek, pie
Uh, kicked the brown door in, painted it white on the way out
Uh, yeah
Uhuhuh
Um
Um
Unless we are
Usual please
Wasp T12, it's got a massive number five because it's the most common number
Watch me evil Pingu's head with a lorry battery
We checked pigs, and they've got absolutely no idea
We don't usually contradict the tablet
We read magazines, we watch TV, we talk
We will fuck you up!
We've put your head on a preacher's body
Wear it out in mongland
Welcome to the age of stupidity
Well coincimental
Well faciliated, but under the total guidance of, so thanks again
Well I hope we haven't upset absolutely everyone
Well pour cold milk on it
Well what should I start my pitch with?
What about my edit you dickwad
What do you think of my proposal?
What edit gear you got?
What kind of shit?
What music do you cut to?
What the fuck is that?
What you getting?
What you working on?
What?
What's that, it looks like it's come out of a hospital bin
What's the second best thing you've ever read?
What's this about?
When quite without warning, John Lennon's head thrust through my floorboards
Where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream, where's the ice cream?
Which bit should I start with?
Which bit's that?
Who's he?
Why? Why???
Windy, which is typical of this time of year, only worse
Would you move off there please, that's my high rock
Wow
Wow
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah break a Chinaman yeah?
Yeah cuz like yeah that could be like two columns
Yeah I reckon
Yeah look yeah, you've slaughtered the pig of ignorance
Yeah right
Yeah snap his fucking hoof
Yeah Trojan measure mate, Trojan measure
Yeah well it's 10:30, so
Yeah what's this?
Yeah, but it's just stupid
Yeah, him
Yeah, it wasn't as good as I thought it could have been, but it's alright, it's OK
Yeah, thanks
Yeah, the photos of people pissing
Yeah, very good
Yeah, very, very funny
Yeah, we should give Nathan Barley a column
Yeah, well plastic
Yeah, well we could change it to a hen, they're well dense
Yeah, you're the preacher man
Yeah?
Yeah?
Yep
Yes
Yes please
You alright Dan?
You can come
You can come multiple times
You can come twice
You cunt
You didn't read it did you?
You didn't say goodnight
You know the stray scene, straight on straight gay action
You know they're the only band to knock themselves off the top of the charts with the same record
You pair of towels
You pay me back now, without money
You rim licker
You touched her
You're going to fuck an idiot
You're in trouble, can't you see he's too fucked to laugh
You're leaking
You're watching Trashbat
You've gone to piddle
3 AM
£20,000?
