The Dictator (2012) Soundboard Edit

A little wriggling, then two bubbles, and then a big bloop

A real constitution!

Admiral General

Admiral General Aladeen and his new bride, Zoey.

After you've paid me my 30% finder's fee, of course

Ah, America!

Ah! Supreme Leader!

Aladeen addressed his nation today

ALADEEN: Let me in! I have 85 rooms at this hotel!

ALADEEN: Well done, Nadal. This beard is perfect.

ALADEEN: Yeah, right, and not in a good way.

All right, I don't care

All right, I'm going in.

Allow the girls to use their many talents

ANCHORMAN: Breaking news now

ANCHORMAN: With that speech, today,

And bailing them out when they gamble and lose.

And explain to me how this bomb

And I accept your job offer as general manager

And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty.

And make some sort of a nice display?

And many who did.

And sign it in five days, on Wadiya's Independence Day.

And then rip up the constitution in front of the world's media.

And three of those will be untranslatable.

And?

Anyway, let me give you the grand tour.

Are you guys friends of the deceased?

Are you having a boy or an abortion?

As U. N

Believe me, sir, if I could make the device even a little more pointy,

Boring! Do you sell any assault rifles?

Can you take it out?

Clean it!

Clip his nails, file his teeth,

Come on!

Come on! Come with me!

Definitely not. I must be going.

Democracy is flawed! She is not perfect!

Democracy, I will make you one of my wives.

Democracy...

Dictatorship forever!

Do it for your country.

Do you have anything in your pockets?

Do you have nuclear weapons?

Does he have worms in his shilshul?

Dropped your belt.

Efawadh.

Eh, Eddie Norton, next time, you pee on me.

Etra, is this because you're the only virgin guard

For a moment like this

For a moment like this

For people of all or no genders.

Gentlemen.

Good bye, old friend.

Great! Let's get you to work!

Ha ha! Bingo!

Hairy Potter!

Hard and spiky on the outside,

Have you seen You've Got Mail Bomb?

He is almost as dumb as the real guy.

He is dumping the urine on the Israeli delegation.

He is now drinking his urine.

He is protected by 30 female guards,

Hello, Lancaster!

Hello!

Hello. I am Admiral General Aladeen

Here is the plan.

Hey, Sub Saharan!

Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.

His bill goes around to the back of his head,

Hurry!

I am pretty proud of it.

I am very proud to be an American.

I can't wait! I can't Wait! (LAUGHING)

I come before you today

I don't want to be tortured

I don't want you to worry about anything.

I dread to think what kind of jungle you have on your malawach!

I guess you don't want me to play black then.

I mean, I know there's nothing more annoying

I prefer it with goats.

I said you were nice!

I think I'm starting to get you

I threw in some carob covered goji berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

I tricked you, Wolverina.

I wasn't the best student, but...

I... Believe me when I tell you,

I'll be back with help! J.K.! Just kidding!

I'm getting a lot of this and not much of this...

I've come here to apologize

I've fooled them. Job done

If you hate Aladeen and you like good food,

Imumoccupancyu One hundred and twenty.

In the lesbian bathroom, right there

Israel

It's a girl.

It's still attached!

Jachnoon, President Prime Minister Aladeen.

Jerking myself totally off.

Just this.

Just this. This pours hot fire out on you.

Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex.

Let me introduce you to my beautiful wife.

Let's just agree to disagree, my friend

Like, honestly, zero people.

Listen, everything is gonna be just fine

Look, I've got two fingers now.

Look! One of the customers left a tip of

MIKE: Drinking from the pitcher of water directly,

MIKE: This is an historic moment.

My calculations were very precise.

My Speech.

NADALI Hurry!

Need I remind you of the Menudo incident?

No, but you cannot hold your eyes!

No, don't. Don't. Don't. Please, don't!

No, it's not. He's not a musician.

No, Nadal, it must be real hair.

No, no, no... They're totally biased against this. They hate us.

No!

No! Democracy? Never!

No! It's not Aladeen!

No! You said Professor Popeye this...

Nobody is going to think you're Chinese American

Nobody touch the minibar! It's a fucking rip off!

Now the guy won't leave.

Now, let's go back to the palace

Oh

Oh, I hope that didn't come off like a cultural stereotype.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God...

Oh, that's a good one.

Oh! Sorry. Oh, no.

Okay.

One that is simple enough to be manipulated completely.

Ooh, Bin Laden?

Or any guy.

People of Wadiya,

Plan B was to have coffee and regroup,

Right, Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cuddles?

See you in 15 minutes

Shave your under the arms!

So, how are things back at the Palace?

So, we, um, we're opening 300 Women's Centers,

So. Secretary General, your soldiers will weep...

Some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.

Sorry! Old habits die hard.

Sorry.

SPECTATORS: (CHANTING) Aladeen! Aladeen!

Stop that.

Supreme Leader, I took the liberty of hiring some extra security.

Thank you

That I left a virgin?

That is a "C" in your window.

That will undoubtedly change the political landscape

That would make sense. He's wiping the mustard off his face and chest.

That's my finger.

That's your beard?

The brutality?

The first democratic constitution in the history of his nation.

The international community is asking one question:

The weapons inspectors will bathe in their own blood!

Then unpopulate them.

There has been a regime change!

There is a new model, you know.

They seemed to be having a pretty good time.

This is the missile in Wadiya,

Those blue tree hugging queers in A vatar.

Thrust into power at age seven,

Uh, I'm in the Lincoln Tunnel.

Uh... How do I put this?

USHER: Hello? Somebody in here?

Very good, sir.

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait, no! There you are, cousin!

Wait, wait.

Was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens,

We begin a new era.

We're trying to erase that country off the map!

We've actually already met

We've got this wellness center downstairs in the basement,

Welcome to the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

Well, the darker races are less choosy.

What? No, no, no, no!

What? No. Why would I do that?

What? Why? No!

What's yours?

Which I know you people eat a lot of.

Who he maintains are virgin

Who is Tamir?

Why are you guys so anti dictators?

Why did I do that?

Why did you chop off his head?

Why me?

Will end the dictatorship...

With the help of the U.M.,

Yes, but do you want to stay the night?

You could gas the Kurds with that stench.

You don't have to spend any Rolexes.

You foolish man! There is no earthly fire that could ever light...

You just put it in my asshole again!

You just want me to say compliments all the time.

You need to focus up right now and be prepared

You said Plan B!

You texted me, like, seven times.

You will realize the true meaning of terrorism.

You've lost me

ZOEY: The police here are such fascists!

Don't eat it

Go on, get out! Get out! Come on, Montzi!

I see what you're doing. That's how they walk.

I'm *******! What?

LOOK! AUDIENCE: Oh!

Oh! 911, it's the best! (BOTH SPEAKING WADIYAN)

Oh. Mmm

Oh. Watch this.

Really? Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

What? You're hurting me! Out. Come on.

Who is it'? Nadal.

ZOEY: No. She taught me.

(SOBS) That's good. That's good.

..

"Aah!"

"Listen, I'm not going to play by your rules. "

"Thank Aladeen, I am oppressed at last!"

(ALL BOOING)

(CELL PHONE PLAYING FUNKYTOWN)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(CHUCKLES)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GUNFIRE ONSCREEN)

(HYPERVENTILATING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(LAUGHS) Whoo!

(MOANS)

(PAINFUL SCREAMS)

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

(SCREAMS)

(SIGHS)

(THE NEXT EPISODE PLAYING IN ARABIC)

(WOMAN GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(ZOEY MOANING)