Half Baked (1998) Edit

A little bit from yesterday, you know, when Kenny got...

A little joke. Not funny.

A lot of times they'll get your number accidentally from one of their girlfriends,

A scavenger smoker is someone who never has weed of their own.

A shadowy flight into the dangerous world...

Aaah!

Aah!

Abba Zabba,

Abba Zabba,

Abracadabra, B!

Abracadabra, man! Abracadabra, yo!

Abracadabra, my brother. What's up? Abracadabra.

Abracadabra, yo! Oh, abracadabra, man.

Abracadabra! Abra...

Abracadabra.

Abracadabra. Abracadabra?

Abracadabra. Boy, why do you keep saying that?

Abracadabra. Slim, take off your shirt.

Ah, it could be worse. I could have Scarface's job.

Ah! What I'm talkin' about.

Ain't tried the shit out yet, but it smells like the bomb.

All by myself

All I had to do was get forms from that scientist that kept calling me janitor,

All I wanna know is: who's comin' with me?

All my life, I did everything right.

All my money was tied up in our drug dealing venture.

All of you. All of you. It's so good.

All right, listen to me. There's $30, 000 in this knapsack.

All right, man. Go!

All right, man. Just one hit, you scavenger.

All right, man. Y'all got money?

All right, then.

All right, time's up.

All right? Let's be sharp.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Give me a 50 bag of that.

All right. Hey.

All right. Light it up.

All right. Okay. I'll see you there.

All right. Then get me an avocado, an ice pick and my snorkel.

All right. We did our part, right?

All right. What the hell's goin' on here?

All right. Yeah, man. Yeah.

All the boys in the car need to get out. Such a dork, man.

All we gotta do is raise ten percent of one million, yo.

Also celery, g**** jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries.

And a dog house, yo. Brian bought something too.

And because we were stealin' the weed, not buyin' it, it was all profit.

And big corporations and...

And bought bikes to help us move the product,

And everyone here likes fresh fish.

And guess what else? Call me next week... about weed, about weed.

And he made 'em fight anyway.

And his heart...

And hit the streets we did.

And I am the happiest custodian alive.

And I take it?

And I wanted to be with you.

And I wanted to be with you.

And I won't get all my vitamins.

And it's good for arthritis too.

And just act completely normal.

And Killer said, No, man, that's my brother. I can't fight Nibbles!

And Killer said, That's it.

And little chocolate bars. We'll make some smores, man.

And may God have mercy on your soul, young man.

And of course the loveable Old James.

And request that you personally deliver it.

And right after that, he's adopted by this man, Tito Liebowitz.

And Smoka Lot opened up to me like I was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous.

And some pink popcorn and some Funyuns...

And that is?

And then in a rage, he collapsed,

And then it happened. I'm hungry too.

And then the Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch.

And then you got your straight up potheads. Ooh!

And we kept meetin' different kinds of smokers, like this lady.

And what exactly was he sellin'? Marijuana.

And what he's supposed to be? Jerry Garcia's brother?

And with the remaining ten, buy whatever narcotics he's got around.

And your name is?

And, uh, rottweiler fight promoter.

And... Funyuns.

AndAnd tell our friend Kenny Davis we love him. He's in prison.

Anything else? Oh, yeah.

Anything for you, sir? No. I'm fine. Thank you.

Anyway, I work at this lab, Frankensense and Burr Pharmaceutical.

Are you plannin' on movin' out anytime soon?

As far as herb goes, you can get it all over this town.

As soon as you got the stuff, or if anything goes wrong, say the phrase, Abracadabra.

At least Brian got away, yo.

Aw, shit, yo.

Aw, shit. Pound of my sweetest chiva.

Bail is set at one million dollars for the crime of killing an officer of the law.

Been a pleasure. Pleasure's all mine.

Bein' with you these past 11 years has been wonderful.

Bip Oxygen

Boo this man! Boo!

Box it Man, it gets you high

Break out Billy Bong Thornton. Yeah.

Breaking and entering.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Brian was gonna quit, but they fired him before he could.

Brian works at a new and used record store. Hi.

Brian, will you stop praying to a bag of sand, man? Come on.

Brother, you know how that is. We had to get him outta jail.

Bully, man. Word, yo.

Bully, man. Yeah.

Bummin', thinkin' about Kenny.

But as soon as you smoke it, here they come.

But But But, Mary Jane, listen. I'm done. I'm done sellin' it.

But ButBut we'll get you out, right, guys?

But I can trace the entire path of my life to one childhood memory.

But I gotta move on.

But if we were gonna save Kenny, we had to deliver full time.

But it actually worked out. Mr. Nice Guy.

But it'd be great if we can get some cocaine.

But let me tell you, man, that guy does wonders for those children's self esteem.

But meanwhile I hadn't seen Mary Jane in, like, a week.

But not as much as I love pussy.

But their stuff ain't even weed most the time.

But then he had the fight of his life.

But then I gotta be gotta be goin'.

But this time I mean it. I'm gonna come back here. I'm gonna be clean.

But we can bring you Samson.

But would you be a dear and run this down to the supply department?

But you two smoke entirely too much reefer.

But, man, I will never forget the first time I smoked...

But... he deserves to be where he is.

Buttercup. Buttercup.

Bye. Be thinkin' about you.

Bye. Bye bye.

Bye. Hey, where you goin'?

Call him over to my place

Call up and place an order knowing they don't smoke weed...

Can you dig? I feel ya. That's why I'm doin' it.

Can't even smoke weed in peace.

Candy makes you dandy. Hmm.

Check it out, yo. It's like this.

Class dismissed.

Come on in, man. Come on, weed man.

Come on, guys. Return this shit. We can't, yo.

Come on, guys. We gotta get Kenny out of jail, man.

Come on, man!

Come on, man. It's gotta be a little longer than that.

Come on, man. Show me your mean face. No.

Come on, Mary Jane.

Come on. Don't let them see you cry in there.

Come on. Let's get out of here. Anything to drink?

Come on. Let's get some candy and get out of here, B.

Come on. Smoke me. Have a quickie for old time's sake.

Coming.

Cop killer? I love horses.

Could we just have a a moment alone?

Could you drop me in the lobby? It's perfect.

Could you give this letter to Mary Jane Potman?

Could you, uhI know this isn't your responsibility,

Cup. Cup. Cup. Cup.

Custodian, dick.

Damn, B! I been set up.

Damn, I was good!

Damn! What up? Man!

Damn.

Damn. Okay!

Damn. Yes! Somethin' told me to bring a lot of weed, man.

Devil man.

DevilThe mark of the beast!

Did I say homo? I didn't mean that!

Did you ever see Scent of a Woman... on weed?

Did you ever see the back of a $20 bill, man? Man, I don't know, yo.

Did you ever see the back of a $20 bill... on weed?

Didn't have to. Bye.

Do I look like I like what I see?

Do what you gotta do. Be strong.

Do you guys feel different? A little.

Do you know where we can score some cocaine?

Do you know who you're dealing with? Chill, Nasty Nate.

Do you remember? I gave you a ride home from prison?

Do you swear?

Doctor said I need a backeotomy.

Don't get no better than that. Can smell it through the bag.

Don't mind if I do. Thanks, young brother.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Don't you leave me. Breathe, Buttercup.

Dope has arrived, fellas. And we were no different.

Dr. Kablecki, please report to Clinical Studies.

Dr. Kablecki.

Drug dealers belong in jail.

Either someone's having a party, or somebody gotta do their shirt laundry.

Eleven days wasn't gonna give us much time.

Eleven days, Thurgood, I'm as good as skewered.

Especially when it comes to reefer.

Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

Every day of the week, I dress up like a different Village Person.

Everybody in New York was callin' to get down with Mr. Nice Guy.

Everybody knows in my neighborhood it's the bestest around

Everybody, freeze! Oh, shit!

Everything on 'em. With water, whole lot of water.

Everything work out okay?

Excuse me. Please do.

Feel anything? Yeah, I feel my chest cavin' in.

Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head. Am I goin' crazy?

Fine China. Babaloo.

Fire in the hole.

First of all, to understand what happened to Killer,

Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish!

Flip out, man!

Follow me.

For $400, I got Jerry Garcia in a pouch, man.

For how much? Oh, it's cool. Yo, he's used.

For real, amigo. Do your sock laundry, yo.

For real, B?

For real. I don't know about y'all, but I can't even move.

For you, man, I'll stay for a minute.

Forge one of the forms and put the order in like I did before.

Four years just for weed? Damn!

Four years next month. Four years.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. You're cool.

Gee, you must've been so hungry.

Gentlemen, assume your positions.

Get down on your knees with your hands behind your head!

Get him to say what he's sellin' you. Yeah.

Get it, Killer.

Get me a box of condoms, and, um, what's that stuff?

Get off me, you Iying son of a bitch! What is this?

Get on the train. Toke up before we go to work.

Get on. Beat it. You're scarin' him.

Get some Haagen Dazs ice cream bars. A whole lot.

Get some...

Gimme that back. Queer.

Gimme that.

Go ahead.

Go get me this Mr. Nice Guy.

Go to your local library.

God, what is wrong with me? Hey...

Goddamn you!

Good bye, Thurgood. Wait! Hold up!

Good for you, man. Man, what did you guys do to him, yo?

Good night, Fish.

Good. Good. Let's.

Good. I'm all out of cards, B. Me too.

Good. Just call me Jesse Owens.

Got ya. I know this isn't your responsibility, but mop the rest of this shit up.

Graham crackers with the marshmallows, the little marshmallows.

Great.

Great. Let's hoof it.

Greedy bastard! Didn't you promise me ice cream the other day?

Greeneyes gonna miss ya.

Guess who? Yo. Psst. Thurgood.

Guys, shut up about the weed for two seconds. I don't want this girl to know I smoke.

Ha!

Hallelujah!

He called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out.

He didn't leave a number.

He gets to talk about music all day. I got a used Kenny Loggins album.

He got the same dealer as us. What you mean?

He got the wrath. He got the wrath of the num chuks, yo.

He had to stay vigilant.

He is damn good.

He likes it, yo. Yeah, man, he really likes it.

He likes it. He loves it, man.

He looked all right, man.

He spends all of his allowance on reefer.

He told me about his lawyer. He had sex with my mama! Why?

He wants to see Mr. Nice Guy. He told me.

He was always ashamed of this, man.

He's a kindergarten teacher at some school downtown,

He's a small time gunrunner...

He's my bitch. Anybody gonna stab him, it's gonna be me.

He's what we call an enhancement smoker,

Heard that before. Said that before.

Heifer with cheese. You son of a bitch, I'm right behind you!

Hell, back in the '60s, we used to smoke that shit on the street.

Hello, boys. Hi, Samson.

Help! Ken, listen. We got a plan.

Here you go. You can call me anytime you want.

Hey Hey. But the weed ain't bad.

Hey, black ass. Why you didn't moon us earlier, eh?

Hey, everybody, I'm Dave Chappelle.

Hey, fellas, let's beat these bitches!

Hey, fellas. What's goin' on?

Hey, fellas. Y'all know me. Come on, now. Look at this.

Hey, girl.

Hey, good night, Mike. See you tomorrow.

Hey, guys. Meet Mary Jane.

Hey, I couldn't help overhearing you guys.

Hey, I'm sorry. I was talkin' to the horse.

Hey, Kenny, we're gonna get you out of there, man.

Hey, Kenny. How they treatin' you in there?

Hey, little fella. Smell it?

Hey, man, we're out of papers.

Hey, man. Sorry to wake you, but you gotta try this.

Hey, Mary Jane, I can explain everything, all right?

Hey, Mary Jane!

Hey, ******, what time is it? It's 8:30.

Hey, Squirrel Master. Kenny.

Hey, thank God, man!

Hey, thanks for this ride. We really appreciate it. Sure.

Hey, uh, seein' as how we don't know who you are,

Hey, uh, you guys believe in angels or...

Hey, wait a minute, guys.

Hey, what can I get you? Could I have a hot dog with ketchup and sauerkraut?

Hey, what day is it? Saturday.

Hey, who's on munchies tonight?

Hey, why didn't you tell me you were into this shit?

Hey, yo, wait! Dude, I'm gonna check out the stars later.

Hey, you guys.

Hey, you wanna eat at the Happy Palace? Uh, how 'bout a hot dog, huh?

Hey!

Hey! Hey.

Hey! Smell it. Okay. All right. Mm.

Hey. He killed...

Hey. Here you go.

Hi, everyone. My name is Thurgood.

Hi, there, Fish. See what I mean?

Hi, Thurgood. Hi.

Hi, you called about your plumbing? Empty pipes?

Hi. Are you?

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

High, high, high, high

His love life. I'm impotent, man. Get away from me, bitch!

His spirituality. God, if you listenin'... help!

Hmm.

Hold on. Hold on.

Hold up!

How 'bout right now? Just meet me at the place you dropped us off at.

How are you gonna bring Samson down?

How much did that cost, man? Ah.

How y'all feel about Mary Jane

How you doin', Kenny? Kenny?

How? Weed, man.

Huh? Who's comin' with me, man?

I ain't even into the motherfucker yet. Back up, brother.

I believe him, yo. I don't know why, but I do.

I can't believe that I fell for another one of you lowlife assholes again.

I can't feel my hands!

I can't quit sellin' it yet, but I'll quit smokin' it.

I can't take it no more. No wonder he smokes a pound a week.

I could feel she wanted me to say something.

I couldn't stop thinkin' about gettin' high.

I couldn't stop thinkin' about her, man. I missed her.

I didn't let him stay here. I don't know him, man.

I do! Who you know?

I don't do drugs. Drugs make me sick.

I don't even know nobody named Old James. Shoot. Go on!

I don't know which one of these categories we fall into, but I'll tell you this:

I don't know, man. What? What?

I don't know. IWe never used 'em.

I don't know. Maybe 5:00... 6:30.

I don't mean to rub it in, folks.

I don't need to tell you this, but this weed was...

I don't remember graduatin'. And my first sexual experience I don't remember that either.

I feel it. Man, you're cool as shit, mister.

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get lifted up

I get so many rides home from prison.

I got it! I know how we could get Kenny out.

I got it. I got it.

I got some booty. I got some booty. I got some booty.

I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out.

I got weed. I got my bong out. Come on, son.

I gotta smoke. I have got to smoke.

I gottaI gotta get a form from a scientist.

I guess that'd be me.

I had to get Mary Jane back.

I hate to do it, but I gotta charge you. That's 60 bucks.

I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this, I.

I have killed. I have helped kill.

I haven't been so thirsty in my entire life.

I hope there's some way I can pay you back when we get on the outside.

I just gave him some candy and some chips...

I just wanna say,

I knew it! You forgot your hat.

I knew it.

I know a really good place uptown.

I know. I know what you're thinkin'.

I love Al Pacino, man.

I love buttered stuff. Buttercup.

I love horses. I love horses.

I love you guys.

I love you too.

I love you.

I mean we haven't smoked any weed today, man.

I mean, do I look like somebody that would smoke... marijuana?

I mean, talk about a guy with problems. Tough break.

I mean, they are scientists.

I mean, they might call it the city that never sleeps, but I'll tell you this:

I mean, we can't bring him down. Crazy.

I mean, work on it a little bit, but it's good.

I mean, you can get anything you want, from weed to heroin.

I miss you. I'll do whatever it takes to get you back.

I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ.

I myself am a master of the custodial arts,

I need an ambulance, now! Officer down.

I need it A.S.A.P.

I never needed anyone

I never screwed up. I fed the horse.

I never seen this much weed in my life! Let's go!

I never thought I'd say this to anybody,

I only had eight bucks. This was gonna take some careful budgeting and maneuvering.

I repeat: Officer down!

I said it never locked. Well, hurry, yo!

I say they got a piney taste, almost minty. Notice the little red hairs.

I say we book 'em. You got me? We book 'em.

I see those. And it's definitely the highest grade hydroponics in the city.

I smoke weed here all the time. This door's never locked.

I think it's more complex than that.

I think they're mistakin' my kindness for weakness. I'm scared.

I think you're bullshitting me.

I understand.

I used to suck dick for coke. I seen him!

I wanna sit him down and ask him some questions.

I wanna talk to Samson

I want you back, Mary Jane.

I was flat broke.

I was hooked on Mary Jane.

I was up all night getting harassed.

I will. Jan.

I would imagine he's some sort of drug dealer.

I would... but I'm gay, you know?

I'll be fine. The robbery is what's important now.

I'll be right back.

I'll do the honors.

I'll give you five. Uh uh. He autographed it himself.

I'll pretend I'm Jamaican, man.

I'll wear a wire. Hmm?

I'm a detective. Yeah, we're detectives.

I'm a scholar.

I'm a schoolteacher! Shut up! You're a cop killer.

I'm aI'm a peaceful man.

I'm all out of food. You ate it all.

I'm all out.

I'm countin' on you, man! Please! Please!

I'm Cuban, B. Yes, Cuban B.

I'm done smokin' it. This is the last of it, right here.

I'm from Jamaica.

I'm glued to the floor.

I'm gonna be sober. There's no more weed, no more nothin'.

I'm gonna call Brian.

I'm gonna take your little Mexican friend with me,

I'm here today because I'm addicted... to marijuana.

I'm hungry, man. All right, yo.

I'm in love with Mary Jane

I'm leaving. Well, uh, can I leave with ya?

I'm not gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do:

I'm real bad at this, but you think sometime we could get together,

I'm somebody's bitch.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry. I didn't even see him.

I'm sorry. Samson, I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm takin' it slow, man.

I'm talkin' to you. Thanks a lot, fellas.

I've got a date with Mary Jane!

I've not had a hot dog in so long.

If any, are the medicinal purposes of marijuana.

If he ain't back in ten minutes,

If I did that, then I'd have to give it to you every day,

If I wasn't Jamaican, then why would I wear this hat? Hmm?

If I wasn't Jamaican, then why would I wear this hat? Hmm?

If I'm not back in ten minutes, call the police.

If somethin' happens to us, could you...

If that's what you want, then then I'll change for you.

If the three of us go in there all clear eyed, Samson is gonna know somethin's up.

If you ever need a guinea pig, let me know.

If you guys spend one more dime, I swear I will bitch slap you.

If you love me, Mary Jane Mary Jane

If you want to learn more about marijuana or other illegal substances,

II can feel them.

II sign for this, and it's mine?

Including the house, it was only 250, yo.

Is it January?

Is some Columbian heaven.

Is that Prell? Do you use Prell?

Is that right?

Is tokin' up, trying to figure out a way to bond with his son.

Isn't that Thurgood, the custodian? Yeah.

It ain't always good...

It makes your teeth go pop, pop, pop.

It ruined his life. That must've been shitty.

It takes a lot of fuckin' weed naps. Free!

It was a little degrading.

It was me, Brian, Kenny, Scarface...

It was really good too.

It was time to get help.

It won't take us hardly any time, B.

It'll work, I promise you.

It's a thing I'm into.

It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

It's for saving Kenny's sweet virgin ass, man!

It's like I feel stuck here, yo.

It's not open and shut. What do you guys do for a living?

It's on the second floor. Just run this down?

It's really real

It's really trippy. Especially on weed, man.

It's that no thing that gets me. Maybe I'll hear from you.

It's the latest thing. All the kids are saying it, all right?

It's too bad, man. I just stopped smokin' yesterday.

Jan, stop it, man.

Jan, will you be my girlfriend?

Janitor? Janitor?

Jerry, I really need your help, man. Feel us...

Jerry... thank you, man.

Jesse, can we get some cocaine and get the hell outta here?

Jesus Christ.

Joking!

Jose, you crazy, man. He's crazy. Come on, man. Let me get them dimes.

Just a sec. Okay.

Just ask me how. Ask me!

Just go in and rob the place blind.

Just remember to speak clearly.

Just? No, no, no, no. Not just.

Kenny called. He's in jail.

Kenny didn't come home last night. We are worried, man.

Kenny is probably doin' the best out of all of us.

Kenny, 11 days? That seems a little stiff, man.

Kenny, how long can you make it in there?

Kenny, stop crying. Stop crying, Kenny. Look at me.

Killer paid the price, yo.

Knight Rider.

Ladies. Abracadabra.

Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record?

Let me get four dime bags. Uh, I don't have no idea what you're talking about.

Let me just give you my number. Is that cool?

Let's do it.

Let's go check in on Kenny, huh?

Let's go, man. Let's go. It's money.

Let's go.

Let's go. Come on. All right. Let's move.

Let's just give him a proper burial, all right?

Let's just say I'm not gettin' the respect a cop killer deserves.

Let's not tell anyone about it, okay?

Let's see what I got here.

Listen, do you guys need a ride? I have a car.

Look at all these people!

Look who's walkin'.

Look, here'shere's a little something for your troubles.

Look, I'm not stealin' weed. We are not sellin' weed.

Looks like heroin to me, yo. Yeah. Is that heroin?

Looks like some sort of a business card.

Lucky for us, the cops had our backs.

Make sure chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man.

Makin' love was just for fun

Man, give me your fruit cocktail.

Man, I remember when a dime bag cost a dime, you know what I mean?

Man, that first day of sobriety sucked.

Man, they got whole bunch of this stuff at work.

Man, this is some bullshit!

Man, we are in trouble, man.

Man, you can't up and decide to sell weed.

Marijuana affects the memory.

Marijuana is not a drug.

Marijuana is terrible. It's a gateway drug.

Marijuana is terrible. It's a gateway drug.

Marijuana?

Mary Jane dumped me. Shh. Quiet down, yo.

Mary Jane How y'all feel about Mary Jane

Mary Jane She's my main thing

Mary Jane, look, the only reason I lied to you was because I like you...

Mary Jane, you'll see. I'll be back. I'll be a changed man.

Mary Jane! What is that about, man? I hate y'all.

Mary Jane.

Mary Jane. Really?

Mary likes to spread her love

Mary very, very necessary Extraordinary bein' Mary

Maui Wowie!

Maybe go out for some ice cream or something?

Maybe. Maybe is an acceptable answer.

Meet her. Say hello to her. Shake her hand even.

Mi casa es su casa. Observe.

Mm. It wasn't the thing to do because it was the thing to do, you know?

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm Oh, bip

Mmm. Come here, doggie.

Mmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Mmm. Mmm mmm. Yeah, I mean, I do miss my dad.

Mmm. Wow.

Mood swings, forgetfulness and, of course, the dreaded low sperm count.

More complex than that? You know what I think happened?

Motherfucker said, ice cream!

Move in.

Mr. Nice Guy was blowin' up, man.

Mr. Nice Guy, Party Accessories.

Mr. Nice Guy. Oh, I may have the wrong number.

My father's a drug dealer. Wow, that must've been the shit.

My grandfather was in the Tuskegee experiments.

My last clear memory, really.

My man ain't coughed like that since back in the day.

My weed's wearing off.

Nah, I'm a custodian. So, what are you here for?

Nah, yo. We don't feel like smokin' right now.

Naughty jungle of love!

******, I thought you said you was crippled.

No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny.

No cocktail party would be complete without the ice plant.

No codes. No slang. Yeah.

No longer beat.

No more window love. Go and sell it.

No way. You think?

No, because we don't have any money.

No, man, it's August.

No, my grandmother died of lung cancer. I'm sorry to hear that.

No, no. This is Mary Jane.

No, thank you.

No, yo!

No!

No! Naughty!

No.

No.

No. I smell weed, man.

No. No! It wouldn't be right.

No. She's looking.

No. Sorry, man.

Nobody move!

Not me. Oh, not us.

Nothin', man. Yo, Killer. Kill! Killer, kill!

Nothin'? Yeah, just chillin'.

Now all we gotta do is go down this hatch to the second floor supply room.

Now is there anything you want to say to your friends? Jerry, we need you.

Now this is what's gonna happen.

Now you're one of us.

Now, don't call too late, 'cause you know I be strippin' in the evenings.

Now, everybody has their own little ritual when it comes to smokin'.

Now, I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Now, in the next room, his father, an I'm 40, But I'm Still Cool smoker,

Now, Killer was born to a three legged bitch mother.

Now, that's a titty. Fully, man.

Now, when you can afford it, this is the best way.

Now, you don't want me to get ugly. No, sir.

Now...

Number nine, time's up!

Of a man who does not exist.

Of course he loves it. Yeah, your paws are tingling, aren't they?

Of course, B. Bully, man.

Oh, 'cause I told him Mr. Nice Guy was Jamaican, yo.

Oh, Brian, put yours back on, man.

Oh, hold on. Wait a minute. Old JamesOld James wasn't there.

Oh, Lord, we was hooked!

Oh, man!

Oh, man! Oh, man!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, my fault. What's up? Hi.

Oh, my God.

Oh, really?

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank... you.

Oh, there's some weird shit in there, man!

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. August.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. Mary likes to play around

Oh! I'm sorry, y'all. I don't want to be the first ****** to die from a crossbow.

Oh. Okay then, detect. Ask us somethin'.

Ohhold it. I gotta give The Guy some of this.

Okay, fine. Fine. We'll do it.

Okay, well, swear on this banana split that you don't do marijuana.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Can I buy some of your heroin too?

Okay. Can you give me half an hour?

Okay. Okay. Make sure that you are relaxed.

Okay. Sure. When?

One pound of marijuana, and you can sign for it right here.

Ooh, she was a giver, a caring nurturer.

Ooh, that lights my fire

Ooh, that lights my life

Ooh. Hurry, Thurgood.

Operator with an emergency breakthrough from your sister.

Or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it.

Our job is done. These guys can go home. You guys are wasted, man.

Over to my place at 3:00 tomorrow!

Pass it this way. Don't break the cipher.

Peace.

People like me. Give it to me.

Perfect job for a stoner.

Pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man.

Possession of narcotics. Wow.

Pure cocaine.

Pussy. That's right. You got it.

Put it down! You win.

Red team go. Red team go.

Remember, the more you read The smarter you are.

Right here in my bag.

Right near the beach Boy

Right over here! Come on!

Samson and his girls came rollin' up in here lookin' for me.

Samson did this shit, yo.

Samson Gets Me Lifted, by my main manWho? Sir Smoka Lot.

Samson Simpson, I stick by my story!

Samson, it looks like somebody is cuttin' into your business, baby.

Samson, Samson, I hardly know you.

Samson, this is Sheila. Mama fell...

Samson. Oh, right.

Samson's shit is blessed Got the whole town on lockdown

Sauerkraut's 50 cents extra. Damn!

Say it with me:

Scarface is kind of a hyper guy for a pothead. Sorry.

Scarface quit his job.

Scarface, lay it on me, brother.

Scarface, perhaps you could help me.

Scarface, your dog is mean, man.

Scarface's plan wasn't that bad.

Secret code. Come on in.

See the trouble you're gettin' me into?

See, all you have to do is call them up, and a half hour later,

See, that was a joke. Get it?

See, the problem with bodegas is they never remember you.

She believes weed, and only weed, brings out the artist in her.

She held me in her arms, and it was like I was 15 years old all over again.

She is my main thing She make me feel all right

She make my heart sing

She make my heart sing All right, how'd you guys make out?

She was all the Mary Jane I needed.

She was more organized than we were, and she was willing to work for weed.

She's an I'm Only Creative If I Smoke smoker. Hi.

She's looking. All right. Real quick.

Shit.

Shit. All right. I'll tell 'em.

Shit. Do you like what you see, Samson?

Shit. I wish.

Shoes off.

Shotgun!

Shut up, bitch!

Sick, man! This is it?

Sincerely, The Guy on the couch.

Sir Smoka Lot's on TV. Cecil?

Sixty bucks, yo. That's cool, man.

Sixty bucks? Yeah.

Smoke that and get back to us.

So far, so good.

So he puts Killer into training. They see Killer's good.

So make sure that you say it, and make sure that you get Samson to say it.

So you swear you don't?

So, now we all live together in New York.

So, y'all want to smoke? I'll get Billy Bong Thornton.