The Wedding Singer (1998) Edit

A hippie to the hippie to the hip, hip, hop.

A kiss.

A little news flash, Pop.

A little on my shoe, but I was wearing your shoes.

A little shaky? I hate weddings.

A note?

A really bad headache.

A song that when people hear it...

A zombie or something.

About what that lousy bitch did to you today.

About you and that kid and him squeezing your tush?

Actually, he's in bonds.

Actually, I don't know how serious the guy is...

Actually, I shouldn't drink.

Actually, I'm not a big drinker.

Actually, sir, I need this job to impress a girl.

All alone...

All around...

All around...

All day long...

All he cares about are possessions...

All I know is that to me...

All I know is that to me...

All I know is that to me...

All right, Dave.

All right, definitely next time.

All right, everybody, come on.

All right, he probably will.

All right, nice house.

All right, remember, alcohol equals puke...

All right, shithead. I haven't been in a fight...

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Let's go.

All right. Well, thank you for the tip.

All Tempa Cheer.

All that other stuff was ridiculous.

Always takes them three weeks...

Always the prime rib. Make them eat the fish.

An episode or something.

And a love time can never destroy.

And a new girl in town...

And all you can eat buffet.

And Barbarino, I think, the mechanical bull movie.

And because...

And Burt and Loni.

And even you'll have a good time.

And everything's gonna be wonderful.

And find amongst all these young studs here tonight...

And Glenn will be a really good looking older man...

And he loves somebody else.

And Holly's not into that kind of thing...

And how much I still love him after all these years.

And I am a material girl. Or boy.

And I feel like an idiot.

And I know that you've been hurt...

And I realized I'm about to marry a wedding singer.

And I really want you and Sammy to come.

And I saw it.

And I say that it's the type of occasion...

And I think I figured out what's been bothering me.

And I think that I've been really selfish...

And I want to take care of you for good.

And I work long hours.

And I wrote the other half after we broke up...

And I...

And I...

And I'm gonna give it to her.

And I'm pretty sure that guy right there.

And I'm reaping all the benefits.

And I've been spending a lot of time...

And I've been wearing this ring for two years...

And if I ever get married, maybe you'll sing at my wedding.

And it's all for the best.

And Linda answered the door in her underwear.

And Linda answers the door...

And Linda had, so you would think...

And no one else will do.

And now he's really got it all 'cause he's got you.

And now, we're bringing you some in flight entertainment.

And round.

And she's getting married.

And so it goes...

And tell me that everything is gonna be all right.

And that lady with the sideburns.

And the mutants over at table nine...

And the nipple twisting that goes on there.

And then I'll send them packin'.

And then there will be weirdness between you and me...

And then what?

And there was music...

And there were wonderful roses.

And they can't drink without a fish.

And this is my fiance Glenn.

And we got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas.

And we got into some crazy shit.

And when I put my mind to something, I go all the way.

And when they cut the extra skin off, the penis itself was very clean.

And when we kiss...

And while we do that, here's a little mood music.

And Woody and Mia...

And you can tell right away...

And you wanted to be a rock star?

And, she's single, and you're single.

Andre, can I have three prime rib?

Anyway, she told me she likes you.

Anyways...I'm confused.

Apparently, that wasn't soon enough.

Apparently, we have absolutely nothing to offer...

Are you drinking, too?

Are you excited?

Are you getting married, too?

Are you going to do the girl thing?

Are you nervous about showing a new girl your penis?

Are you nervous about your penis?

Are you nervous?

Are you sure? There's no rum in that Coca cola?

As hot as that?

As I said, it has some size.

As the brother in law of the town nut job.

At a whopping 60 bucks a pop?

At this wedding tonight.

At what? People eat prime rib, and I sing.

At your fiftieth anniversary party.

August 5th is less than three months away.

Be real?

Beat it!

Because I'll feel bad if I don't...

Because it's not how you feel about her.

Because the fat guy's going to have a heart attack...

Because we're going to get back together...

Because with Glenn, you'll have security.

Because you find something to live for...

Because you like her.

Because you love him...

Because you've always been there for me.

Because...

Before you go go.

Before you jinx the band and they break up.

Before your hips start spreading and you get facial hair...

Being at this wedding is making me realize...

Being someone I could grow old with.

Being someone I could see myself growing old with.

Best man. The better man.

Better move it, man.

Billy idol gets it.

Build you a fire...

But after that, it's Bye Bye, Birdie.

But can I tell her?

But I beat the shit out of that kid...

But I gotta get that out of my head, you know?

But I never heard them ringing.

But I never...

But I think you should consider a fake pregnancy.

But I went to Marshall's for the floral centerpieces.

But I'm going to run around and find them.

But it all was bullshit.

But it was nice to meet you.

But it's been a pleasant working environment ever since.

But it's Thursday. You have singing lessons today.

But Las Vegas? I thought

But now the thrill is gone.

But she didn't.

But she loves this guy right here...

But she's marrying that jerk off.

But that made a lot of sense.

But that wears off.

But that's not why I'm marrying him.

But the sound quality is outstanding.

But the worst thing is...

But then I met a very special girl...

But there were a lot of little things like that.

But we can't get chicks like that anymore.

But we don't get to talk 'cause we're always so busy.

But why would you want to dance with somebody...

But you don't want to be just another yuppie idiot.

But you gotta face the facts.

But you're above all that material bullshit.

But your payment.

But...

By the name of Julia Sullivan.

By the way, thank you for recommending Tony the florist.

Can I borrow your credit card?

Can I cook you some breakfast?

Can I help you?

Can I say something?

Can I speak to you for a second?

Can we turn this crap off, please?

Carry you around...

Celebrate...

Chaka Khan!

Check out the cake.

Chew on it.

Church tongue? What is that?

Church tongue. I like that.

Cindy and Scott are newlyweds.

Cindy and Scott are newlyweds.

Cindy showed up, so, right away, Scott...

Come on, Andy, move your ass!

Come on, it'll be fun.

Come on, just hold still. Julia, go ahead.

Come on, let's celebrate.

Come on, you disco lady.

Come on.

Come on. We're all adults here.

Come with me, man.

Congratulations.

Cool.

Cool. That's a beautiful ring you have there.

Cost me 700 bucks...

Could certainly use that kind of help on everything.

Could I refresh your memory?

Could trace your private number, baby...

Could you come out here for a second?

Course, I should have run screaming down the street...

Cuckoo's nest!

David Bowie playing. He's the best.

Did everybody leave?

Did it feel good?

Did she say why?

Did something happen with Julia?

Did you have any idea she wasn't the right one...

Did you kiss him, or did he kiss you?

Do I tell people you're in junk waitressing?

Do me a favor and put her in the car with Glenn.

Do what you got to do.

Do you mind if we switched seats...

Do you really want to hurt me?

Do you really want to hurt me?

Do you really want to hurt me?

Do you really want to make me cry?

Do you think he'll go out with me?

Do you think it would be better...

Does my hair smell bad?

Does she stay over there a lot?

Don't be ashamed.

Don't be silly. Now hold out your hands.

Don't be so jumpy.

Don't call her that...

Don't go snitchin' to Julia about this.

Don't leave me hanging on like a solo.

Don't look away. Did you give him that price or not?

Don't puke in the car, all right?

Don't tell anyone what I said.

Don't want to live in my sister's basement anymore.

Don't worry about it. I'm not worried about it.

Don't worry, you've got to stay in shape so other men will look at you.

Don't worry. Everything's gonna be all right.

Don't worry. I told him why you were marrying him.

Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way.

Don't you think we look great together?

Drug addict! Degenerate!

Dunkin' donuts up to 52 varieties...

Each other.

Each time you call...

Even let you hold...

Even women are possessions to him.

Every time that cart comes by, it bangs me in the elbows.

Everybody has 'em. I had 'em.

Everybody spread the word.

Everybody...

Everything all right?

Everything all right?

Everything is gonna be all right.

Excuse me, sir. I have to serve the beverages.

Excuse me.

Excuse us, guys. We'll be right back.

Fancy cars, CD players.

Faye, look at me.

Feed you...

Feeling melancholy.

Fine, dear.

Flight number 1156 is now ready for boarding.

For now and ever more.

For stickin' my face in other people's business.

For the rest of your lives.

For you and you alone...

Fragrant meadows...

From now on, I'm gonna be like you.

George Stitzer's gonna take over on lead vocals...

Get out of the way!

Give me the same, please.

Give me time...

Give me time...

Give me what, exactly?

Give you my coat...

Glenn and I set the date...

Glenn doesn't deserve her.

Glenn isn't really He's very busy right now.

Glenn, good morning.

Glenn, I love you so much...

Glenn!

Go back to the boiler room.

Go over there and watch some television.

God forbid I screw up the wedding flowers.

Going to wait a few years before you drink again?

Gonna be all right with that? You might miss Miami Vice.

Good afternoon, everyone.

Good job, lady. You were shakin'.

Good job.

Good luck finding a D.J. who can move and shake like this.

Good night.

Good, then I'm going out with him.

Good, you're here.

Good.

Good.

Good. I'm glad.

Good. OK. All right, you ready?

Grandma Molly, I'm talking to you.

Great.

Growin' old with you.

Hang on. I'm watching Dallas.

Harold ain't so perfect.

Harold would never beat up his landlord.

Have a few drinks and drive home.

Have you written anything lately?

He barely has time to sleep, let alone plan a wedding...

He did have very strong hands for a 13 year old.

He doesn't have time to give me lessons.

He just had his heart broken.

He loves her...

He might have Tourette's syndrome.

He said I was Grade A, top choice meat.

He sure doesn't think much of Glenn, though.

He told me he was gonna hit on you.

He wants to make money.

He wants to start a family of his own.

He won't know flowers are at the wedding.

He works on Wall Street. You know how that is nowadays.

He would know how hard I've worked...

He's a keeper.

He's acting like a real robot...

He's been down in the basement since it happened.

He's been wanting to get married since the third grade.

He's drunk as shit.

He's got to learn a new song.

He's losing his mind...

He's playing the guitar now. Isn't that great?

He's teasing. I would never say that.

He's your best friend and the only limo driver in town.

Heard it at all...

Heard it singing.

Hello sir.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Julia Gulia.

Here it comes.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Hey, asswipe...

Hey, baby.

Hey, Glenn. What's up?

Hey, Jules. Hey, Holly.

Hey, Julia. What are you doing here?

Hey, Linda.

Hey, psycho...

Hey, Rudy. Get Robbie a double.

Hey, sis.

Hey, you know, wedding singer?

Hi, Glenn.

Hi, Rosie. How are you?

Hi, you guys.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

His flowers were beautiful, and he didn't overcharge me.

Holiday...

Holy shit, this is incredible.

Honey, what's the matter?

Hot towel?

Hotter and younger.

How about I let you lean over me when we fly over the strip?

How about that?

How are the lessons going?

How are the lessons going?

How are you and Glenn doing with the wedding plans?

How can love...

How come he's so nice to you?

How could I live with myself?

How did you become a wedding singer?

How did you know that Glenn was the right one?

How do you do it without getting caught?

How do you know?

How much is it?

How much...

How was your bottle of rum last night?

How you doing, sir? Chicken or fish?

How you doing? I'm Robbie.

How you guys doing? All right?

I already had intercourse with eight men.

I always just envisioned the right one...

I am an asshole!

I am never going to leave Ridgefield.

I am so in love with you.

I am so sorry, honey.

I am. How about an Alabama Slammer?

I asked that girl over there. She turned me down.

I brought my own.

I can learn to deal with the fact...

I can only give you love...

I can see you do.

I can still get chicks like that.

I can tell that you're gonna live for each other...

I can't believe I found a love...

I can't believe I never noticed it before.

I can't make Glenn set a date.

I could be the man...

I could see that.

I couldn't let him do it in front of his family.

I deal with a lot of people, but you two look truly happy.

I did not.

I didn't see it yet.

I didn't vomit on you, did l?

I don't even know your last name.

I don't ever want to marry you.

I don't feel blue.

I don't have any clean Tupperware.

I don't know how to describe it.

I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore.

I don't know what I just said, but I said something.

I don't know what I'm thinking.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know where...

I don't know why she doesn't get it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. We're living in a material world...

I don't know. You lost me back at the Hulk.

I don't mind. I'd like to hear it.

I don't remember.

I don't think anybody could puke more than that kid.

I don't wanna do this.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

I don't want you to learn to deal with that.

I feel like I'm doomed to wander the planet alone forever.

I feel stupid for moving here to be closer to him.

I get $25 in 1993, so that'll be good.

I get to know your name...

I got a confession to make.

I got enough problems already.

I got it from here.

I got to be your friend...

I got to do what I got to do.

I got to go.

I got to have my way now, baby.

I got you something. It's called a CD player.

I gotta go take care of something, OK?

I gotta go to the bathroom.

I grew up idolizing guys...

I guess that's important to some people.

I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember paying.

I hate the aisle seat.

I hate the bride. I hate the groom.

I hate you.

I have a bad headache.

I have a microphone, and you don't...

I have danced...

I have never done it for that cheap.

I have no experience, but I'm a big fan of money.

I have something else for you.

I have to say!

I haven't done jack shit since high school.

I hear you're gonna have your bachelor party Friday.

I heard what happened to you at your wedding.

I heard you couldn't close the deal with Holly.

I hope 50 years from now...

I hope so, Rosie. Thank you.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I hope you fuckin' choke.

I hope you're glad...

I just I'm telling you...

I just always envisioned the right one...

I just brought her the jacket.

I just can't do it, all right?

I just couldn't do it.

I just don't know how to go about this.

I just don't know if he's the right guy for me.

I just don't want a big wedding

I just got off the phone with Linda's mom.

I just want to get married.

I just want to warn you that when I wrote this song...

I just wish I knew where she was, you know?

I just would not want to do that in a church...

I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator.

I kind of just wanted to be a songwriter, you know?

I kissed her, but it didn't mean anything.

I kissed him.

I kissed him.

I know for a fact you gave Eric Lamensoft that price.

I know her. She likes to look her best.

I know that's what you want.

I know they'll be looking down on you tomorrow.

I know this...

I know you do. Go get her.

I know you got some little crush on her...

I know you need me, too.

I know you wanted to set a date...

I know you were in love and everything...

I know, I know, I know...

I know, sweetie.

I know. I just never saw the lights of Vegas before.

I know. I'll go get the car.

I know. In and out, though. I don't want to be here long.

I lay in bed...

I let him look at my boobs at the Christmas party.

I like it. I use it. I have a little.

I liked it.

I live in my sister's basement.

I love David Bowie.

I made the donuts.

I made this for you, Uncle Robbie.

I need a ticket for Las Vegas, please.

I need you.

I never heard it at all...

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

I promise I will give you the most beautiful wedding...

I promise you.

I puked.

I read that Fonzie wants to be a director...

I really gotta concentrate on getting some more gigs.

I remember we went to the Grand Canyon once.

I said, hip, hop...

I say that it's OK for it to be an open mouth kiss.

I set my sights on you.

I still got the spandex. I'll put them on right now.

I thank you for your time.

I think he's coming to town in September.

I think he's having some kind of a mental situation...

I think I saw a boot come out.

I think I should go out with him.

I think I'm in love with her.

I think it's the little things that count.

I think J.R. might be dead. They shot him.

I think she's a very nice girl...

I think that might help.

I think we all know that when you fall in love...

I think you need a break. Go out back and get some air.

I thought that teaching was a big part of your life.

I told you last night. I realized I was wrong...

I told you this guy was loaded.

I understand.

I used to be much stronger.

I vomited in my hair.

I wanna grow old...

I wanna make you smile...

I want them to be miserable, because that's what I am.

I want to die.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I want your love.

I was like, Whoa, of course, man...

I was listening to The Cure a lot, so...

I was wondering what happened to you.

I went by Rosie's to find you.

I went on that double date, right?

I will strangle you with my microphone wire.

I work in the city, man.

I would lose that glove. You look nuts.

I would, but, you know, I just l can't.

I wrote half of it when I was with Linda...

I'd like to do more than dance with her.

I'd like to put more in it. That's where you come in.

I'll be upstairs hooking it up.

I'll cover your tables.

I'll get you medicine...

I'll go all the way for you, sir.

I'll go get it.

I'll miss you...

I'll see you at the wedding, all right?

I'll see you later, all right? Have fun today.

I'll take care of the kids.

I'm a person, too, Pop, goddamn it!

I'm actually not that nervous, you know?

I'm actually waitressing at your wedding next week.

I'm actually working on a game plan right now.

I'm afraid I'm gonna pay $500 for a half eaten wedding cake.

I'm at weddings all the time. It's going to be fun.

I'm confused.

I'm glad I got to see it.

I'm glad you guys came. We hang out at work so much...

I'm going to get the hell out of here.

I'm going to get you and chop you up!

I'm going to leave.

I'm going to tell everybody what you said at the bar.

I'm going to tell those record company guys about you.

I'm gonna ask a girl when I'm ready Rosie.

I'm gonna be with a different chick every night...

I'm gonna do some more military presses.

I'm gonna have to give them cab money to go home...

I'm gonna have to see it to make an educated decision.

I'm gonna probably look like Buddy Hackett.

I'm gonna try and go look for him, OK?

I'm happy.

I'm having an engagement party in two weeks...

I'm in love with Robbie six years ago...

I'm in love with you.

I'm Julia Sullivan.

I'm just trying to get someone to play with your ding dong.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I'm Mrs. Glenn Gulia.

I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart.

I'm not a big drinker...

I'm not doing that anymore.

I'm not gonna feel better about this.

I'm not happy. I'm miserable.

I'm not in love with Robbie now.

I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life.

I'm on my knees.

I'm paying you to sing.

I'm ready to work hard...

I'm so glad you came.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still gonna tell you this.

I'm sure it is.

I'm telling Mom when we get home.

I'm trying to get my hands on some.

I've always been the screwed up one. Right, Dad?

I've been talking to my friends the last couple of days...

I've been thinking about what happened to you...

I've done some crazy things in my life, too...

I've got nothing to offer anybody.

I've never been on first class before.

I've never seen it from this perspective before.

If I sing to Frank without making any mistakes...

If I...

If I...

If it's a special occasion...

If maybe you took over all the arrangements?

If we don't eat again soon.

If we get a second alone, we usually go to sleep.

If we get a second alone, we usually go to sleep.

If we took a holiday...

If you come upstairs, you're gonna get laid.

If you could give me some cards with my name on it...

If you don't want me to, I won't do it.

If you found someone you can love...

If you need some more time, I guess I can wait.

If you want to stay with them, you're gonna have to marry them.

If you're wondering what I'm asking...

In front of God and all of our relatives.

In return, dear...

In sweet...

In your spandex pants...

Inside your eyes.

Inspired by one of our coach passengers.

Instead of marrying your father, but Glenn is different.

Is gonna make you cry.

Is grow old with you.

Is he a friend of yours?

Is he right in here?

Is it true you're gonna end up in a mental institution?

Is Robbie here?

Is Robbie here? I came by to give him something.

Is she in trouble.

Is someone to hold me...

Is that Billy Idol?

Is there something you want to ask me?

Is this what I look like?

It basically indicated...

It had good shape. What's the matter with you?

It is gonna be fun today.

It looked really nice.

It makes sense. That's when Mom and Dad died.

It was a goddamn joke...

It wasn't huge but it had some size.

It would be so nice.

It would be...

It would gross them out to see me like...

It'll stink for a week.

It's 5:00. I'm going to get going.

It's a CD player.

It's a joke. I can't do this anymore.

It's about time his best friend showed up.

It's August 5th, a week from today.

It's because I'm the best guitar player in the world.

It's for the best. It's all right. Take it easy.

It's funny. Some of us will never find true love.

It's gonna be your first kiss as a married couple.

It's Gulia.

It's how she makes you feel about yourself.

It's important to all people.

It's Julia.

It's just a means to an end.

It's more important to you anyway.

It's my pleasure.

It's nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Julia Gulia.

It's not important to some people, Robbie.

It's not selfish. There's a lot of money out there.

It's OK.

It's OK.

It's over.

It's perfectly acceptable to open your mouth.

It's the perfect place to raise a family.

It's the wedding singer.

Jason, this is Robbie and Sammy...

Jimmy, that was really good. Thank you.

Jules is chums with him. She'll fix it up, won't you?

Jules, it doesn't play records. It plays CDs.

Jules, it's the romance capital of the world.

Julia Gulia. That's funny.

Julia is totally preoccupied with the wedding.

Julia, thanks for inviting us.

Julia, you should do that at the wedding.

Julia. She went to your house...

Julia's feeling a little under the weather.

Julia's last name is gonna be Gulia.

Just asked me to be part of the mile high club.

Just because he's going out with me doesn't mean he's gonna get laid.

Just feel better, all right?

Just give me a second. I'll be right back.

Just one day out of life...

Kill me.

Kiss my grits.

Kiss you...

Kissed who?

Know what? You go this way, and you go this way.

L got punched in the nose...

L'chaim !

Las Vegas it is, and it'll be great.

Let me love and stay.

Let's cut the stupid cake...

Let's get married here.

Let's go say hello.

Letting an old woman pay you with meatballs.

Licking the microphone like David Lee Roth.

Like a record, baby.

Like a record, baby...

Like a record, baby...

Like a record, baby...

Like a record, baby...

Like a record, baby...

Like Blake Carrington.

Like Donald and Ivana...

Like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino...

Like the Incredible Hulk?

Like, take, for instance...me.

Linda and I are as happy as you two guys.

Linda's back.

Linda's not there, but...

Live in a nice house with wide windows and lamps.