Hail, Caesar! (2016) Edit

A collie, maybe?

A convert to their cause,

A few things to take care of.

A little something

A man bringing us not the old truths,

A mirthless chuckle.

A mirthless chuckle.

A Mr. Cuddahy called,

A new truth?

A story told before, yes,

A true story for tomorrow's column.

A truth beyond this world.

About Allegra,

About Hobie Doyle.

Action.

Action.

Add a call to a Mr. Cuddahy at the Lockheed Corporation.

After all, he's a dust actor.

Ah, never mind. How you doing? What's the story?

Ah, son of a bitch!

Ah, what a beauty.

Ah.

All I'm saying

All right, gone an hour? We won't worry yet.

All right, hang on.

All right, kids, this is Rome.

All right, let's try this.

All right.

All right. Get Walt the name of the extra

All sorts of jolly stuff.

Also, I gotta tell ya, everybody thinks that Danny is a jerk.

Also, this time, let's try actually

Among these strange people, to shoulder their sins?

An army of technicians and actors and top notch artistic people

And action!

And Alan was about to bring up new business.

And as far as the set is concerned, it's business as usual.

And Autolochus is played by

And bring on the New Man.

And Buddy Flynn was a bandleader

And cares little for his rest.

And cut!

And Darlene did very well on her Spanish test.

And division in unity.

And dole out what it pleases?

And exhibited tastefulness and class.

And get you a bigger grip?

And hasten the end of history and the creation of the New Man.

And he asked me to shave his back.

And he says it's for a Norman Taurog picture.

And he says, Well, your keys aren't in there, so I guess we're walking.

And he's bringing in a Lester Silkwood

And he's reliable?

And he's reliable?

And help forge the future.

And I guess it went well.

And I say to myself,

And I think you know what story I mean.

And I went down and the steer went up,

And I, uh, struck a movie star in anger.

And I'm trying, but...

And in comes Antoninus.

And it so happens the Hearst syndicate

And it's a tribute to you.

And it's absolutely certain that we'll see a lot of sea

And it's never been confirmed.

And Joe did six months in LA County lockup.

And let the clouds roll by a...

And let your poor heart break a little

And made Gus the mayor?

And no one's the wiser.

And no.

And secondly, you can't print that.

And she can see him on the set bright and early tomorrow.

And she's getting worse.

And skipping out on Monty.

And so here we find you, Hobie...

And so, Baird Whitlock found himself in the hands of communists.

And that's what you do,

And the body politic.

And the guy who claps the slate.

And the hours wouldn't be crazy like this either.

And the studio says you're escorting Carlotta Valdez

And the writer and the script girl

And then they saw I could say a line or two,

And they are worked through in a causative, predictable way.

And this time not on a short march to Gaul.

And those trips to San Berdoo.

And to everyone else who works here.

And wash away the dust of 300 miles of Frankish road.

And we already know what it'll be.

And we were pretty darn successful.

And we're devoting huge resources to its production

And we've also invited Patriarch Vlassos for the Eastern view.

And were married at 3:00 this morning.

And what do you think, Rabbi?

And what manner of man.

And what's going on?

And when do I get Baird? When we have the money.

And why shouldn't God's anointed appear here

And with extreme taste.

And you got no idea who's mixed up in this thing?

And you have worth if you serve the picture,

And you need to think about the future.

And you think this will cinch it for you?

And you wouldn't want to, Thora. It's beneath you.

And you'd be running a business, not a circus.

And you'll be dismissed as a commie stooge.

And you're gonna believe every word you say.

And you're never gonna forget that again.

And you're studying?

And you're to report back to the lot.

Another movie,

Another part of town, another cast of characters,

Another portion of balm

Any of the gals missing from the set?

Any visual depiction of the Godhead is most strictly prohibited.

Any way she could adopt her own child?

Are working hard to bring to the screen the story of the Christ.

Aren't you Gloria DeLamour?

Aren't you? Shut up!

As a commie smear tactic,

As oppressed people everywhere writhe under the Roman lash,

As such, it expresses the contradictions of capitalism

As the embers of this brazier.

Aside from Baird and the director, it won't be a long list.

At the feet of the penitent thief,

At the next study session?

At the Wallace Beery Conference Room,

Atta girl.

Autolochus, you know that my love is for you,

Autolochus!

Aviation is serious. Serious business, serious people.

Aye, Autolochus. Rome.

Aye, Autolochus. Rome.

Back to your place?

Back to your place?

Bad for movie stars everywhere.

Badmouth the competition, and look at me.

Baird is a good family man.

Baird on a bender, in a love nest,

Baird Whitlock has become their acolyte,

Baird Whitlock has been kidnapped.

Baird Whitlock.

Baird, you gotta stop doing this.

Baird.

Baker four.

Beardly Auberon gave us a draft

Beats me.

Because he's Mr. Laurentz's current protégé,

Because it's science. It's not make believe.

Before I have you tossed in jail

Before I run tomorrow's story.

Before the slaves in my charge,

Before your first line, you respond to her line

Behind the electrical box? Just leave it there?

Benedict there. That's Benedict de Bonaventure.

Beside the well of Jehosaphat.

Better forget about my place.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Blue Grotto was still open.

Brief surcease from struggle.

Burt Gurney has left the country.

But a new one.

But as for the religious aspect,

But described the truck they put him in.

But Eddie Mannix will have neither.

But far away in Palestine, another man is coming home.

But for millions of people,

But here is Dierdre

But here's something you haven't heard.

But his benders can last a day or two.

But how should God be rendered in a motion picture?

But I seen Biff's grip.

But I'll partner you in bridge.

But I'll partner you in bridge.

But I'll partner you in bridge.

But I'll...

But I'm sure you appreciate also

But I'm trying.

But in his eyes, I saw no shadow of reproach.

But in pursuing our interests with vigor,

But it seems right.

But it's a crying shame

But it's also pretty frivolous, isn't it?

But Judy Canova is there, and she knows Norman.

But let me talk to Laurence Laurentz, the director.

But mermaids got no gams

But never without a broad next to me.

But no more, no more. Don't you worry, Eddie Mannix.

But seriously,

But the board was concerned

But the money should go to the cause,

But the story of Eddie Mannix...

But the work of Eddie Mannix cares not for day or night.

But then Dr. Marcuse came down from Stanford, joined the study group

But there is a new wind blowing from the east,

But they're owned by the studio.

But this is a drama, Mannix, a real drama.

But this one here, it's talking.

But we like to flatter ourselves

But what it really is, is this fat cat,

But who comes to a grudging respect

But yes, we're for the little guy.

But you don't want to be seen as Burt Gurney's mouthpiece after this.

But you're off the sauce now?

But you're saying, actually, technically, I was kidnapped.

But, Arne, you are aware that she's...

But, then, there's this other job that's not so easy.

But, uh...

But, um, let's try it a little differently this time.

By engaging in sodomy

By his valise, yes.

Bye, Hobie.

Call for you, Mr. Mannix.

Called that script girl, what's her name, Francie?

Can I bum a cigarette?

Can I get a pat down? I'm sweating like a pig in this thing.

Can I use your belt?

Can we cut it off now and pick it up right here

Can you also... Yes! Good morning, Mr. Schenk.

Can you beat it?

Can you beat it?

Can't a girl take a few pictures, have a few laughs?

Check the other extras.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check. And is that last part true?

Check. Thessaly Thacker called,

Cigarette?

Clear! Ah!

Come here, Burt Gurney. We go again.

Come on.

Could you get through it shooting around him?

Cut! Good!

Damn it!

Damn.

Darn you.

Darn! Where'd she go?

Darned good money,

Dave Chasen was a busboy.

Despised even by the other priests.

Did you see any of those millions of dollars, Ben?

Dierdre. Dierdre, yes.

Dispense with the mirthless chuckle?

Do not look upon me, Ursulina.

Do you enjoy physical culture, Eddie Mannix? Do you ski?

Do you want Mrs. Mannix on one?

Don't have my valise. I left it in your foyer.

Don't play dumb, Eddie.

Don't play with your food.

Don't put dishrag on bartender's head.

Don't sit on the pediment. Recline.

Drop me off at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Dutch over there.

Dutch Zweistrong wrote All The Way To Uruguay.

Each its own day lit drama or moonlit dream.

Easy to...

Easy?

Easy.

Eddie Mannix, torn from his lunch with a Lockheed man,

Eddie played at shortstop?

Eh...

Eight months?

Embers of this brazier.

Enormous hit. Made the studio millions of dollars.

Even if you could print it, you couldn't print it.

Even in westerly Malibu, the sun has moved on,

Ever heard of the Bikini Atoll?

Everybody else went down to the beach.

Everyone else, I'm on the set, I see the guy setting the 5K,

Extras set? Set!

Faith.

Father?

Father.

Fine, boys. That was just fine.

Fine, but what do we shoot without him?

Fine. What's up?

First of all, there's nothing to that story.

First of all...

Five Hail Marys.

For all the weary peoples of the world.

For colluding in your own abduction.

For the ache of a toiling mankind.

For this swell figure from the East.

For two decades the words Laurence Laurentz Presents

Forecast? Not good.

Freeman and vassal are united in one compulsory worship.

From DeeAnna Moran.

From the Legion of Catholic Decency.

Fusion device.

Gee, another late night. Hmm.

Gentlemen, given its enormous expense,

Gentlemen, maybe we're biting off more than we can chew.

Get the writer to trim his speeches.

Give me the negatives and things will go easier on you.

Gives us access to the levers of power.

Gloria DeLamour has been checked into

Glorious center of Caesar's rule.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Go ahead.

Go out there and be a star.

God has children? What, and a dog?

God isn't in the motion picture!

God loves everyone.

God wants us to do what's right.

Going full speed?

Golly! Eight months without a dame.

Good Lord! Thessaly, I have to run.

Good morning. Uh...

Good stuff.

Goodbye.

Gosh, I never called the coach.

Gosh, Mr. Seslum, I don't mind if he wants to...

Got his first major part in On Wings as Eagles

Got his first major part in On Wings as Eagles

Got roped into it.

Gracious, no. It belongs to a member of our study group.

Great, Hobie.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Harboring deep feelings for you,

Has the poise in a dinner jacket.

Have a good evening.

Have them shoot driving plates for Came the Rain.

Have they read the script? Roger.

Have to catch one of your pictures next time.

Have we got a girl for you!

He just wants you to shave his back!

He left the set over an hour ago,

He now seeks to learn more from Professor Marcuse

He saw no Roman, he saw no slave.

He saw only men, weak men, and gave succor.

He saw sin, and gave love.

He saw suffering, which he sought to ease.

He was a man. Part God.

He wrote The House of Ahasuaris.

He'll be sad to have missed you.

He's a fan.

He's a louse. Try one of his chippies.

He's a priest of the Israelites,

He's helping me get through it.

He's here.

He's not home, he's never home.

He's not really a jerk.

He's the body, body politic.

He's the foster father for a few days.

Heavy rain.

Hello there, Scotty.

Hello, Mannix...

Hello. You have the money?

Here, Gracchus, in this sun drenched land.

Here!

Here's how it will be

Here's today's call list.

Hey, come on.

Hey, hey, buddy, come here!

Hey, Maxie, bring me my ass back.

Hey, numbskull. Didn't you see the rolling light was on?

Hey, thanks for heating up the roast, hon.

Hey, toss me them keys, pard.

Hey! Come on.

Hi, Dorothy. Eddie Mannix. The old man in?

His belief compelled but not grudging.

History is science.

History, economics.

Hiya, hon.

Hobart Doyle is one of the biggest

Hobie Doyle cannot act!

Hobie Doyle is a very promising idea.

Hobie Doyle?

Hobie Doyle? Do you really think so?

Hobie?

Hobie.

Hold your horses, I'm right here.

Home, maybe? Called his wife? Yep.

How am I? Wet.

How are you, DeeAnna?

How come?

How did we do? I don't...

How did you know Burt was my source?

How did you put it, Sid?

How long since your last confession, my son?

How pleasant to see you again, Mr. Mannix.

How so, Father?

How you doing, Hobie?

How's production on Tucumcari?

Huh?

Huh? You're supposed to be reclining with the lyre.

Huh.

Huh.

Hung up, Natalie. Tell me the second they call back.

Hydrogen bomb.

I ain't doing that again. I had two marriages.

I am talking about

I begged you for Lunt!

I can do the handstand smoother

I can judge my own interest.

I checked the Til Two, Dan Tana's, Rusty Scupper. No soap.

I didn't know you two were friends.

I didn't make it home in time for dinner.

I do not, friend Gracchus.

I don't know how to explain.

I don't know if you like livestock,

I don't know, a petition of grievance or alienation of affection.

I don't know, bounce it off the writers.

I don't know, Father.

I don't know.

I don't know. That doesn't seem fair, fellas.

I don't think I'm gonna fit in that fish ass after this week.

I don't think so.

I give him all the credit in the world,

I got my eye on you.

I got something... I had spittle. Good.

I gotta run back to the studio.

I had heard rumors of your return to Rome.

I have no idea.

I know it sounds screwy, but she said

I know what it is. I'll drop in on her after my 10 o'clock.

I know you have parishes, flocks and temples

I know.

I like the shorter hours.

I love you, too.

I mean, the whole setup only works if I play along, right?

I mean, the whole setup only works if I play along, right?

I mean, there's good extras and bad extras.

I no more associate with DeeAnna Moran.

I no more associate with DeeAnna Moran.

I only wanted to notify you as a courtesy

I promised her I'd quit smoking.

I rather thought we might go to Lake Onondaga for the weekend.

I rather thought we might go to Lake...

I see that you are the same worshipper of Bacchus.

I should talk this over with my wife.

I shouldn't be telling you this.

I shouldn't wear scarves.

I snuck a cigarette. Or two.

I snuck a couple of cigarettes.

I spent the night.

I think the audience can, to that extent,

I think what Herschel's trying to say is,

I thought he asked to play infield.

I thought the chariot scene was fakey.

I thought...

I told myself I wasn't gonna

I understand. End of the film!

I wanna know if the theological elements of the story

I was not aware of that.

I wish there never was no moon.

I would look at the extras.

I wouldn't have grabbed him?

I wouldn't worry about it.

I wrote all the All The Way pictures.

I'd hardly call it a ransom.

I'll do it right now.

I'll do some research.

I'll give it a shot.

I'll have a talk with Hobie and take a look at what you've shot,

I'm afraid it's not that simple.

I'm gonna dance with you, pal

I'm happy to talk to Baird for comment,

I'm just spitballing here.

I'm not saying only writers are being exploited.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sure I'll like the picture.

I'm sure the picture business is pretty damned interesting.

I'm sure you wouldn't.

I'm talking about today.

I'm telling you not to run the column, Thora, for your own good.

I'm thinking, What the hell?

I'm trying to say that, Mr. Laurentz.

I've been taking DeeAnna through this.

I've heard it, it's been around forever,

If I don't let on that I know who kidnapped me.

If I ever hear you bad mouthing Mr. Schenk again,

If I just tell the truth.

If I'm wrong, no skin off your nose. You run the column.

If that's lunch, I'm gonna grab me a plate of beans.

If there's something that's easy,

If we could focus on the Christ, whatever his parentage.

If we had but...

If we're carrying everybody in the final scene

If you chose to retire after your term.

If you do know where Baird is, you must let me talk to him.

If you don't mind skipping out on your own party, Allegra.

If you print it, it'll be dismissed

If you say so, but I'm happy to do another,

If you think this is a bribe,

Ilsa Pflug Seslum.

In Gallup, New Mexico for four days.

In Malmö.

In the meantime, you have an exclusive.

In the nightclub scene,

Indeed you have.

Is a great star and a good man.

Is about to be struck down by a vision.

Is it hard squeezing it like that?

Is that big enough?

Is that really the best you could come up with?

Is that something I should be concerned about?

Is that wrong?

It ain't gonna be the same

It can be made to help the little guy, the regular Joe.

It comes from God, my son.

It is 5:00 a.m.

It just cost the studio a lot of money to bust them up.

It requires the skills of a trained thespian,

It seems Allegra's a no show,

It seems Allegra's a no show, which is simply a bore.

It seems that there is unrest in Palestine.

It will be the last thing you say

It's a name that 19 million readers trust.

It's a name that 20 million readers trust.

It's about Baird Whitlock.

It's all in the hips and the lips and the eyes and the thighs.

It's all right, Natalie. Okay, Walt, let me know.

It's blinding! Blinding!

It's Burt Gurney's.

It's complicated.

It's Hobie Doyle. Is the boy game?

It's my entire column.

It's nice to be wanted.

It's not a ploy, it's a big decision.

It's not my fault you saw me take

It's not really her dirndl.

It's not the case simply that Christ is God, or God Christ.

It's part of the job, miss.

It's so hard, Father...

It's strong. It's passion!

It's the emotional climax of the entire picture.

It's the foundation of our belief

It's the real world.

It's the Son of God who takes the sins of the world upon himself

It's up now. I'll put some music on it.

It's, uh, more of a study group.

Jeez, Eddie! What an old stick in the mud.

Joan Van Vechten's playing Dierdre,

Joe himself is the notary.

Joe Silverman. Exactly.

Joe steps in and acts as the person.

Joe will be the foster parent until such time as

Joseph Silverman is the most reliable human being

Just a second here, a little souvenir from my rodeo days.

Just a whole lot of good work for us in the past.

Just because the studio owns the means of production,

Just couple of rocks in the middle of the Pacific,

Just like the director does what he does,

Just the two of us.

Keep your hand down, now! Would that it were so simple. Trippingly.

Keep your head still. Would that it were so simple.

Laurence. Mmm.

Laurentz.

Laurentz.

Lazy ol' moon, keep shinin'

Lazy ol' moon, keep shinin'

Leaving the vast and tireless sea

Let me see if Arne is open to matrimony.

Let me show you something.

Let us know in the morning.

Let's also invite a rabbi and a Protestant padre of some sort

Let's hope so. Oh, that reminds me.

Let's see how she does now.

Let's us head on back to town.

Light my weary way back home

Listen, I better get back. The studio's gotta be going nuts.

Listen, I don't wanna stick my nose in other people's business,

Little Eddie wanted me to tell you about his baseball game.

Long call? Short?

Look to pictures for information and uplift

Looking into her eyes and speaking our line

Looks like you're expecting rain.

Lord of every man 's body and spirit.

Love, Autolochus?

Making enormous demands on your time.

Man is split?

Man is unitary.

Man's institutions are split,

Mannix, we need a guy with your talents in management,

Marrying a third louse ain't gonna do me no good.

Mary Jo here was just at a costume party.

May I ask you something, Father?

Maybe three.

Maybe three.

Maybe try her one more time.

Maybe we should make him honor that commitment.

Maybe.

Merrily We Dance. 27 apple, take one.

Merrily We Dance. 27 apple, take one.

Merrily We Dance. 27 apple, take two.

Metro won't lend us Gable

Might have thought he was credible

Minor injury. High ankle sprain.

Mmm hmm. These guys are pretty interesting, though.

More than rumors, noble Sestimus.

Movie stars in the world.

Moving on, brazier scene, 20 minutes.

Mr. Cuddahy.

Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry, but you wanted me to make sure

Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry... Not now.

Mr. Mannix, it's 5:30.

Mr. Mannix!

My ardor is yet as warm

My dear boy, why do you say that?

My readers don't care about Hobie Doyle.

My wife cannot read this.

Natalie told me to find you PDQ.

Natalie, I want the box office

Nick Schenk and this studio have been good to you

Nick Schenk, out in New York,

No dames

No dames

No dames! No dames!

No gams

No info. Doesn't know where they took Baird,

No kidding. You're it.

No mirthless chuckle.

No one the wiser.

No, have him stay on set, I'll go to him.

No, I don't, that's very true.

No, I'm saying he is, though it's beside the point.

No, I'm trying to quit.

No, in fact, it's hard.

No, it's Thessaly.

No, miss. No! Yeah, Gas again.

No, Mr. Whitlock, you can hardly share in your own ransom.

No, no need, really. It was a bad idea. It was bad directorial.

No, no, he used to be angry.

No, no, I'm Mary Jo

No, no, no, no, it's fine.

No, no, no, of course not.

No, no, no, you don't understand. Let's sit down.

No, no, no. Completely unnecessary under the circumstances.

No, no, no. It's nicely fit, looks a marvel.

No, no, watch my mouth. Would that it were so simple.

No, no! The boss is parasite!

No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.

No, nothing. I saw your sister earlier.

No, she'll simply ask you to join her

No, sir.

No, sir. Okay.

No, the offer's very clear. And very generous.

No! No!

No.

No.

No. I never took it up. Seems like a lot of fun, Arne.

Nope.

Nope.

Not a rodeo clown!

Not as long as I run this dump.

Not for your station.

Not so, Ursulina.

Not to the servants of the cause.

Not your fault? Whose fault was it, Curly?

Nothing in the California statute

Nothing to apologize for. We said the deal was on the table for a week.

Now that's where you come in. You've read the script.

Now, here at Capitol Pictures, as you know,

Now, Hobie, here is our set.

Now, let's see what we can do here.

Now, you listen to me.

Of course I'm for the little guy.

Of course not. I agree.

Of course, my son.

Of course. Talk it over, think about your family,

Oh, a kid we're all very excited about.

Oh, boy! It's late. I'm in the doghouse.

Oh, boy.

Oh, Christ! Climb up and tappin'.

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on!

Oh, gosh. I am so sorry, Mr. Laurentz.

Oh, heck, yeah.

Oh, I guess it's going pretty good.

Oh, I guess that'd be okay.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Mannix. Can I help you find someone?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sure she was, that cow!

Oh, Monty.

Oh, no. Anyone can do it.

Oh, nobody's playing games here.

Oh, we should have the water ballet in the can after tomorrow.

Oh, well, like I said, we just saw Lazy Ol' Moon, and...

Oh!

Oh! There she goes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Just takes a little getting used to.

Okay, well, let's keep it that way.

Okay, you're the boss man, Mr. Laurence.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. He's terrific.

Old? Old, stale, rotten and...

On a story that's years old.

On horseback.

On that ol' plantation where I used to roam

On three. And Hobie Doyle is in there.

On Wings as Eagles? That's a while ago now.

On Wings as Eagles.

One was to a minor mob figure...

Or a guy's buddy for a couple of years,

Or if something in the offer isn't clear?

Or soulful. You could say soulful.

Or there's some sort of spiritual dimension to the picture business.

Or wherever we end up finding him.

Ordinary man, skeptical at first,

Our modest contribution to the Comintern.

Our story is told through the eyes of a Roman tribune.

Our understanding of the true workings of history

Out on a bender? Middle of the day? Am I crazy?

Out there on the sea

Palestine!

Palestine?

Pictures will be their reference point for the story.

Pictures. Well, I wrangled for a while,

Please, enter. All are welcome.

Plenty. You know how big this picture is?

Popping over to the trailer.

PR just called in their report on the Hobie Doyle premiere.

Pretty sure.

Principal is on schedule,

Proceeding. You know, proceeding.

Producing this year's ration of dreams

Production. Sure, but that's not a function, that's...

Prohibits adoption by one's own parent. Mmm hmm.

Prohibits adoption by one's own parent. Mmm hmm.

Promise shortly to undo the damage.

Punished by the dust of the road,

Put two and two together.

Quiet, Engels!

Quiet, Engels!

Quit it! Cut that out!

Quite right, Patriarch. The Bible, of course, is terrific.

Ransom money.

Relaxed, festive.

Reverend?

Reverse! Reverse!

Reverse.

Right.

Roll camera.

Roll camera. Fountain!

Roman schmo!

Romans before slaves!

Rueful, soulful. Would that it were so simple.

Ruefulness, okay.