2012 (2009) Edit

A little surface crack? You're not gonna be inconvenienced by that.

A lot of people didn't get picked up in this chaos.

A map for what, Charlie? What's the map for?

A mother can comfort her children.

About time somebody cleaned up that mess.

About what?

According to the latest information from Yellowsto...

According to their calendar...

Actually, that's the South Pole now.

Actually...

Adjust the countdown.

Adrian, you have to begin the evacuation.

Adrian, your chopper's ready. They're waiting on the South Lawn.

Adults get...

After 25 years on the wagon, are you out of your mind?

After he called a press conference he was!

After we get everyone on board, Adrian.

Ajit.

Alan, bring the car around.

Aliens, Roswell and Marilyn Monroe...

All crew members, onboard now.

All global ground communication has ceased, sir.

All green card holders, please proceed to Gallery D 4.

All our scientific advances, our fancy machines...

All right, all right.

All right, buckle in. Here we go!

All those people we left behind...

All we can hear is the sound of our own breathing...

Almost there.

Always remember, folks, you heard it first from Charlie Frost.

Always remember, folks...

An unprecedented international endeavor is underway.

And 400 miles further north, Point Reyes, same thing.

And a young scientist is gonna be worth 20 old politicians.

And Da Vinci, Picasso, they're in.

And good luck.

And he died in vain.

And he paid in installments.

And he said the government is building spaceships.

And I am confident that she would want to meet her maker...

And if we can't start our engines, we will not survive the impact.

And if you're safe...

And isn't it funny, just this morning, we worked it out:

And of course, enjoy the fresh air.

And the best part about that...

And then pandemonium in the streets. War, genocide, boom, boom, boom!

And this is hard to believe...

And what about all these workers? They all get passes?

Anheuser convinced the other heads of state to launch.

Anton, start the engine.

Antonov, abort takeoff. You do not have clearance.

Any minute now, the fireworks are gonna start.

Any updates, doctor?

Any word from the hydraulic chamber? Where is he?

Apologies, Mr. Prime Minister. I...

Apparently many people believe that the Mayan calendar predicts...

Are you absolutely sure about this, Adrian?

Are you asking me out on a date, Dr. Helmsley?

Are you even listening to me?

Are you kidding me? Of course something went wrong!

Ark 6, stand by. Ark 7, stand by.

As a result, we've observed extreme polar instability.

As you can see, not the same way you did.

As you know, our passenger count is way over capacity.

As you know...

Ask yourselves, can we really stand by and watch these people die?

At least if they know...

At this point, 46 nations are invested in this thing.

At this point, unconfirmed reports indicate...

Attention: All construction workers, off deck.

Attention. The National Guard has informed us...

Aye, aye, captain. Engaging bow anchor supports.

Aye, aye, captain. Full reverse.

Aye. You're on, captain.

Be careful with the clutch.

Be careful with the clutch.

Be more careful.

Because once we give these orders...

Because they're not spaceships, buddy. They're arks.

Because, you know, my diary is pretty full.

Been over half an hour. I tell you, the guy's a nut job.

Beer?

Before or after?

Besides...

Better move fast, kid. The end is near.

Between Roswell...

Bill from Cooke City, you're on the Charlie Frost Show.

Bring it on!

Brother!

Bug spray? Oh, yeah, because it's mosquito season in Yellowstone.

Bullshit. Nobody could keep that big a secret, Charlie.

But can you still fly that thing?

But I guess you already knew that, huh?

But I will remind you that we have very limited resources and limited time.

But it ain't the end of the world, buddy

But it's still a fake.

But my mother is almost 89...

But tell me, what would you have done if you rich like me?

But then he canceled it because of the ships.

But to be human means to care for each other...

But we have to initiate the boarding process now. Thomas.

But what is there in your wisdom, great Lama, if Tenzin is right?

But you're some nobody, you don't stand a chance.

But, great Lama, Tenzin is my brother.

By people, do you mean me?

Bye, Gordon.

Caesar.

Caesar.

Call me the moment you get any news from Yellowstone.

Caltech believes that the half mile fissure running through Westwood...

Can I hold him?

Can I?

Can I?

Can we just give it a rest, please? He's the father of my children.

Can you handle that, Adrian?

Can't think about what's going on down there.

Captain Michaels.

Captain, Cho Ming Airfield's been hit.

Captain, I need to speak to the other heads of state immediately.

Captain, I think we found the problem.

Captain, I want a prelaunch briefing. All international teams present.

Captain, the turbine's not responding.

Captain, we have a breach in the zoological bay.

Careful, careful.

Charlie, just wanted to say I love your show.

Charlie. Focus. Where's the map? Where?

Check the main bus for hydraulics, I'll balance the tanks.

Christians called it the rapture, but the Mayans knew about it...

Coincidentally, his death took place in the same Paris tunnel...

Collision pressure just below 80 pascal, captain.

Come herw.

Come on, boys.

Come on, faster. Faster.

Come on, Jackson.

Come on, Jackson. Come on.

Come on, kids. Gordon's gonna get us out of here.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Caesar, come on.

Coming through, excuse me.

Could you please turn up the volume, Mr. Hoffmann?

Curtis, you're late.

Cute girl, huh?

D.C. is a long way, but at least we talk.

Dad, please.

Dad, what's going on?

Dad, you said you wouldn't work on your book.

Dad!

Dad!

Dad.

Daddy look!

Daddy, a man was killed.

Daddy, Daddy, Grandpa's on the phone.

Daddy, I'm not a really good swimmer.

Daddy, it's following us.

Daddy, wait. I wanna come with you.

Daddy, we're on fire.

Daddy, when will we go back home?

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy?

Darling, listen to me.

Dewey decimal system.

Did I ever tell you that?

Did you know he asked me for a discount?

Did you really need all these hats?

Did you see that?

Did you see this?

Did you see what happened to our supermarket?

Distance to impact: 10 meters.

Distance to impact: 1850 meters.

Distance to impact: 400 meters.

Do not believe in something simply because you have heard it, Nima.

Do you have anything for mosquito bites?

Do you know how many times I've heard those words in this office?

Do you know how that feels, son?

Do you love him?

Do you mind if I join you? I wanted to ask you something.

Do you think people change?

Do you understand how much strength it gives me...

Do you wanna be responsible for the extinction of the human race?

Don't ever forget it.

Don't lose your faith, brother.

Don't you be worrying about your old man now.

Don't you dare touch that button.

Don't you see the signs?

Down there Oleg, you go first!

Dr. Helmsley is flying to Yellowstone this morning to collect more data.

Dr. Helmsley to the bridge, please.

Dr. Helmsley, look at this.

Dr. Helmsley, please report to the Situation Room immediately.

Dr. Helmsley.

Dr. Helmsley. We've arrested a group of tourists in the hot zone.

Dr. Helmsley's passion is admirable.

Dr. Wilson, may I come in?

Dr. Wilson?

Eleven thousand feet.

End of days.

Engine...

Every one of these guys, dead, dead, dead.

Every time I get upset.

Everybody out there has died in vain...

Everybody, hang on.

Everyone hold on to each other.

Everyone move indoors immediately.

Everyone should have a chance to go.

Everything the government was doing, where and why...

Excuse me, fellas.

Excuse me, I have a private plane out there.

Excuse me. Excuse us. Excuse us. Brace yourselves!

Fear and chaos have spread throughout the globe, as in London...

Fill it up. I'm gonna find Charlie.

Finish your pancakes, Al Capone.

First you're up, then you're bust Livin' life on a crust

First, the stock market would go.

Fly, birdies.

Folks, did you hear that?

Follow me.

Follow me.

For my boys and me.

For the boys.

For the first time ever...

For the first time on ourjourney...

Fortunately, we have protocols to follow.

Forty five degrees east.

Forty meters.

Four hundred and twenty two copies.

Four minutes to impact.

From what we have just learned...

Get back with the other green cards or I'll have you detained.

Get down.

Get in the fucking car right now!

Get me the satellite images from Nampan, India.

Get on the ground and hold on. Don't look back.

Get out of herw! Get out of the way!

Get that to the office.

Get them out of Yellowstone.

Go get your hat.

Go over, Lilly.

Go, Jackson. Go.

Go! Go!

Go! Now!

Go. Go, Jackson.

Go. Make sure everybody gets out of the plane before I touch down.

God knows I do.

God, I missed you.

God, you sound like a crazy person. The governorjust said we're fine now.

God.

God. Carwful.

God. God. Jesus.

Goddamn it, I told you to stay up there with Mom.

Goddamn it.

Going to this really special place that I know.

Good morning to you too.

Good morning.

Good thing for you the old man could keep his mouth shut.

Good time? Yeah?

Good to be here. Say hi, kids.

Good. Good boy.

Good. Let's go!

Good. That is good, huh?

Good. That is good.

Good. That is good.

Goodbye, my friend.

Gordon, hold on, goddamn it! Give me your hand!

Gordon, without Jackson, we wouldn't have made it out of California.

Gordon!

Gordon!

Gordon!

Gordon. Gordon, you can fly.

Gordon's a pilot.

Grandma, give me your hand.

Grandma, Grandpa.

Grandma, I got a message from Tenzin.

Grandma, I will send you money.

Grandma, we're almost there.

Grandma...

Great job. You light the way, I'll go for the cable.

Great to see you.

Great. At least we're not gonna need the landing gear.

Green lights across the board, captain.

Green lights on pressure, Mr. Anton?

Guys, have a nice trip.

Guys, look.

Guys, there's a... You might wanna...

Hang on.

Harry!

Has His Highness had an opportunity to study the dossier?

Have a stiff drink, because I'm locking the doors...

Have you completely lost your mind?

Have your boss bring it up at the quarterly briefing.

He always said:

He can't talk right now. He's driving really, really bad.

He did that on purpose.

He even sent me a map.

He knows where they are. He's got a map.

He needs to concentrate now, Mr. Karpov.

He ran the Atlantis shuttle program. Why, did you know him?

He said he's fine. We should get out of here before he touches down.

He says he can get us on the ships he's working on.

He says he can get us on the ships he's working on.

He thinks the world of you, you know that?

He wants us to meet him in Cho Ming at the west gate.

He was very nice.

He works inside the big tunnel, where the ships are built.

He would always leave me a box full of books...

He's a great little man.

He's been right about everything that's happened so far.

He's injured. Something must have gone wrong.

He's on the bridge. This way.

He's really nice once you get to know him.

He's the one who discovered it all. He connected all the dots.

Hello? Oh, hi, Mom.

Help!

Help!

Help! Hey!

Here is Grayson's Market, which was open for business at the time...

Here. This is a very expensive watch.

Hey, buddy boy.

Hey, hands off the merchandise.

Hey, have a safe trip, you little bastards.

Hey, Kate. I'm practically on the freeway right now.

Hey, look. The new Bentley.

Hey, no, that's all right. That's what you got this for. Right?

Hey, what's going on here?

Hey, where are you going?

Hey! Easy, that's a $600 jacket.

Hey! Hey, stop!

Hey! Hey!

Hey.

Hey. Adrian, I thought you were in India. What's going on?

Hey. Hey, guess what.

Hey. Pickle?

Hi, sweetheart.

Hold her steady.

Hold it, people.

Hold it.

Hold on!

Honey, please sit down.

Honey, this is... Jackson, stop saying I'm a pilot.

Honey, women pay me thousands of dollars to handle their boobs.

How can you speak about luck in such a situation?

How deep do we need to go?

How long are these things expecting to hold us in place?

How much time do we have, Dr. Helmsley?

How were all these people chosen?

I actually liked the way I looked before that monster talked me into it.

I always wanted to have a family of my own.

I am a boxer.

I am a follower...

I am the supervisor.

I believe that nature will choose for itself from itself...

I called because we just got our first satellite feed.

I called.

I can only hope that all of you have made your peace with God...

I can't fire up the engines till we get a good seal on that gate.

I certainly eat a lot more cereal now.

I confirmed with my people at Caltech that in the last 36 hours...

I contributed to this cover up.

I didn't even kiss a boy till I was in college.

I didn't think it was possible.

I don't hate him.

I don't understand.

I don't want to miss all the fun when it finally blows.

I feared you would not come.

I got a whole bunch. Okay, I gotta go, because I'm in a bad reception area.

I gotta speak to Anheuser. Give me your damn jacket, please.

I had to make a stop at the grocery store.

I have a green card for my boys and me.

I have goose bumps, people.

I have proof!

I haven't slept in two days.

I heard from Audrey you're a grandpa now.

I just learned that he was killed with his family...

I just talked to him, Dad, and he told me...

I just traveled 20 straight hours to get here, sir.

I just wanted to help.

I know those kids.

I know where it is, I'll give it a try.

I know, it sounds completely implausible.

I know, the whole damn thing's gone.

I know.

I love you too, son.

I love you, Dad.

I love you.

I mean, call it chance or fate or nature. it doesn't matter.

I mean, I don't know, honey. I just feel like there's something pulling us apart.

I mean, just think about it, okay?

I mean, what's going on here?

I mean, wherever we're all together, that's home.

I mean, why would he say that?

I mean... Of course, sir. Sorry, Mr. President.

I met this guy in Yellowstone, this crazy guy.

I need to get you on Air Force One immediately.

I need to talk to you.

I only got a minute.

I promise you we're gonna all stay together...

I put a lot of faith into your organization.

I read a couple of your short stories when I was in college. Yeah.

I sent Satnam the temperature reading.

I should have listened to you, Dr. Silberman.

I think it's safer under here!

I think people have a right to know.

I think so.

I think that's wrong.

I think you better come up here.

I think you should have a lottery.

I think you should take your kids and leave, Mr. Curtis.

I thought for sure they'd give you an extra ticket, sir.

I thought we were going to China.

I thought we'd have more time.

I thought you said he was behind you.

I thought you'd like it.

I told myself, Charlie, get your stupid ass to Yellowstone.

I want to speak to a supervisor.

I want you to pack up your family.

I wanted to know, where is all this gonna start?

I was just like that at her age.

I was too late.

I will send the jet to pick up Alec and Oleg.

I will send the jet to pick up Alec and Oleg.

I will tell everyone the truth about what's going on.

I wish I could tell you...

I wish you could see what I'm seeing, people.

I would like to meet privately with my fellow heads of state.

I'd love to see their dumb faces...

I'll be right back, folks.

I'll do my best, I promise.

I'll find your daddy.

I'm a dead man.

I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man.

I'm afraid the amount is in euros, Your Highness.

I'm afraid the longer we wait, the more luck plays its part.

I'm afraid there's no longer any doubt, sir.

I'm around day 300, the shuttle has just lost communication with Earth.

I'm Captain Michaels, skipper of the American ship.

I'm coming home, Dorothy.

I'm famished. How are you, Aparna?

I'm gonna arrange an airlift for you from Delhi.

I'm hurtling towards you as we speak, sir.

I'm not acting strange. I'm looking for the macaroni.

I'm not very good company, I'm afraid, Dr...?

I'm not.

I'm really proud of you. Really, really proud of you.

I'm sorry, guys. Good luck.

I'm sorry, Mr. President. She insisted.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm standing here at the highest point...

I'm up here in the cockpit. Hurry up.

I'm watching the earth crumble before my eyes.

I've arranged a press conference for tomorrow.

I've said it a thousand times, no lipo on Fridays. It's too messy. Hold on.

Idiot.

If any of you have objections...

If my father were here, he would open the gates.

If someone wants to beat you, he has to kill you first.

If that's true, then there's nothing human...

If you can't get it out, none of us are gonna make it.

If you have a funny mini quake story and wanna share it, call 555 1070...

In 1958, Professor Charles Hapgood named it Earth Crust Displacement.

In a few minutes I will give orders to unseal the decks.

In a few moments, we will open the gates...

In ancient times, the Mayan people were the first civilization to discover...

In the blue corner...

In the last hour, we received this video from Globo News, Brazil.

In the map section on the conspiracy shelf.

Is it time?

Is that what you're telling me? The second wave is closer?

Is this even possible?

Is this your kid?

It appears that all other heads of state are en route...

It has to be perfect.

It is completely submerged down there.

It is full, great Rinpoche.

It looks like the crust has shifted by almost 23 degrees...

It must be the pumps. Take over.

It really is a miracle that no one got hurt.

It seems to me that the worst is over.

It tends to slip.

It's a national park. There's not supposed to be posted fences.

It's a perfect replica, Roland.

It's Adrian Helmsley. We met at Yellowstone.

It's all good, Adrian.

It's all over the news.

It's been a gas, been a flip Been a hell of a trip

It's been upgraded to a 10.9 by the guys at Harvard.

It's creeping me out. What's wrong with Dad?

It's Daddy!

It's gonna get ugly here.

It's good.

It's happening, Dad.

It's in the camper.

It's like a secret map, like in the Pirate movies.

It's like the world shifted by 1000 miles.

It's Mrs. Birnbaum. She's my teacher, she's on TV.

It's not junk. He's published.

It's not just Yellowstone, sir.

It's not safe. Move it!

It's now the Drakensberg mountains of KwaZulu Natal.

It's only the end of this song

It's ready. it's ready.

It's Russian.

It's so beautiful. I'm gonna stay.

It's so hot here, we've had to seal off the mine.

It's starting.

It's the apocalypse.

It's the whole goddamn world that's going to shit.

It's too early.

Jackson, hurry up. Look behind you.

Jackson, take my hand. Jackson.

Jackson, what is this?

Jackson!

Jackson.

Jackson.

Jeez.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

Jesus. What did you think?

Just don't pour too much, huh?

Just go away.

Just imagine the Earth as an orange.

Just like you preserving those great artworks.

Just shut up, everybody!

Just take my children. I'm begging you.

Just the children. You don't have to take us.

Kate, California is going down. Pack up the kids now!

Kate, we caused this thing, it was us.

Kate. Don't let go.

Keep it down, my kids are sleeping.

Kill the bastard.

Kind of galling when you realize that nutbags with their signs had it right.

Ladies and gentlemen, as promised, no speech...

Ladies and gentlemen, this Dr. Adrian Helmsley...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Las Vegas Auto Show.

Late for work.

Laura, can you hear me?

Laura, can you hear me?

Laura, I don't believe you've met Dr. Helmsley.

Laura, they lied to us.

Laura.

Laura.

Laura's a smart girl. She'll understand.

Leave it to the Chinese.

Let me ask you something.

Let me get you ready for... Ready for bed.

Let me guess, national geology crisis?

Let me talk to Mom.

Let me tell you, there's been government people...

Let's eat first.

Let's get a team down there. I'll meet them at the hydraulics chamber.

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go. Have a good one.

Life will soon return to normal, Mayor Gonzales said...

Like this cup...

Lilly, get in!

Lilly, run! Go, go!

Listen to me. I've rented a plane. Pack up the kids.

Listen, I'll try to keep this brief.

Listen, Ma, I am going to call you next week, same time.

Listen, this is gonna sound crazy, but here's what you have to do.

Listen, we have to keep working at this, our relationship.

Look at the clock. We have barely 15 minutes left.

Look, it's got a whistle, and a light thing. Right?

Look. They are wonderful children, huh?

Looks like it didn't run the full cycle. We're checking, captain.

Looks like that boy of yours is gonna be smarter than any of us.

Love you.

Major, could you escort these good people to the campgrounds?

Make an appointment with my... You know, even better:

Make sure the other bridges can see me.

Make time.

Maps! Maps!

Mary, get the door.

Maybe that's what we should have done.

Maybe they got out in time.

Merrill, I told you.

Meyers is dead?

Might of gotten us killed, but as long as your conscience is clean.

Millions upon millions of distraught masses...

Minuscule mass, no electrical charge.

Mom. Mom, something happened.

Mommy, why is Daddy so crazy?

Mommy!

Mommy!

Move back, people.

Move it!

Mr. Anheuser, your party is the last to arrive.

Mr. Anheuser?

Mr. Anheuser.

Mr. Anheuser.

Mr. Curtis! Jackson!

Mr. Makarenko wishes to have his interpreters present.

Mr. President, I can assure you...

Mr. President, sir.

Mr. President.

Mr. Presidents.

My boyfriend asked me to get them done.

My colleagues in Argentina and Ontario have almost identical data.

My dad gave it to me.

My dad's on a cruise ship out here.

My editor gave it to me when he thought I was gonna be somebody.

My family, take us with. Please. Please.

My fellow Americans...

My friends...

My hats.

My high school career was 2000 books...

My job is to figure out...

My name's Dr. Adrian Helmsley.

My plan will not work for so many, Grandma.

My question: Can I count on you?

Namaste, Dr. Helmsley, sir.

Nice.

Nima, he gave you the truck?

Nima, what happened?

No G8! No G8! No G8!

No one could have saved the country, sir.

No toothbrush. Only books.

No, Gordon gave it to me for my birthday.

No, guys like you and me don't have a chance.

No, I'm not. I'm not.

No, it's true.

No, no, I've only had a couple of lessons in a single engine plane only.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no. Don't go. We have to wait for him.

No, we gotta wait for Sasha and Gordon.

No, you just said that, Mom. Yeah, you just said that.

No!

No!

No!

No?

No.

No. I was listening to the broadcast and I was wondering...

No. Satnam was talking about another wave...

Noah!

Noah. Noah.

Nobody. Who, my ex wife? Last thing she said to me...

Nobody's gonna shoot you, son. They need you.

Not anymore.

Not enough. We're going to have to make a water landing...

Not good. That is not good.

Not that we'd expect him to remember.

Not without you, sir.

Not yet. Not yet.

Nothing. Just static. Not even an emergency signal.

Nothing. Nothing.

Now you're laughing, Curtis...

Now you're telling me we have to throw it out?

Now, the victims, and we've seen many...

Of course, we do appreciate donations.

Officer, you turn that off.

Oh, Adrian, excellent.

Oh, be careful with our stuff. Don't get your dirt on it.

Oh, come on, Kate.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Don't look so shocked.

Oh, excuse me. is my father in the command center?

Oh, excuse me. Where can I find Adrian Helmsley?

Oh, God.

Oh, God. it's 1500 meters high.

Oh, my Go...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Not again.

Oh, my God. What's happening out there?

Oh, my...

Oh, no. We are not married. And probably never will.

Oh, not again.

Oh, published, right, I forgot.

Oh, that'll be all right. But, anyway, I really enjoyed most of this.

Oh, yeah, two months ago.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you know, better hours, more time to write.

Okay, come on.

Okay, could you call me back when you calm down?

Okay, don't ask me how that happened...

Okay, go. Now. Pull.

Okay, great.

Okay, guys.

Okay, I'll take care of it.

Okay, okay, let's go.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm trying, okay? I'm trying.

Okay, we're gonna go with these guys.

Okay?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Everybody out. Go on, get out.

Okay. Okay, we're up.

Oleg.

Oleg. Grab my hand.

Once the movement of our land masses comes to a halt...

One billion dollars is a lot of money.

One billion euro. Per seat.

One, two, three...

Only four? You call that good news?

Only when the boarding process is complete. That's the plan.

Open the gates.

Our culture is our soul, and that's not dying tonight.

Our family believes in the gospel of the Lord Jesus.

Our father had one on order.

Our Heritage Organization has already made selections...

Our mission is to assurw the continuity of our species.

Our parents are divorced too.

Our sun will begin to emit such extreme amounts of radiation...

Over therw!

Over therw.

P yew, it stinks.

Pancakes?

Papa!

Papa! Papa!

People, we'll get it all.

People! Keep away from the doors and windows.

Perfectly safe, Roland.

Please be patient as we keep you updated.

Please be patient.

Please don't call me that. I'm your dad.

Please don't call me that. I'm your dad.

Please stay tuned for further...

Please step back and clear the platform.

Please take them.

Please, call me Adrian.

Please, God. Please, please.

Please, please, please.

Please.

Please.

Please. I don't know if you can understand what I'm saying.

Please. Oh, my God.

Preachers of many religious denominations...

President's not coming.

President's on the line, Dr. Wilson.

Press down. Press down with your hand.

Pretty neat, huh? I did all the animation myself.

Professor Hapgood, 1958.

Professor...

Promise?

Pull me up.

Pull up the Japanese seaboard, will you?

Pull!

Put me on emergency com, Mr. Taylor.