Vacation (1983) Edit

A gift.

A guy taught me something really neat, last year.

A lot of them?

A mockingbird

A patrol car will be by any minute.

A penny saved... Pennies from heaven...

A thousand bottles of beer on the wall

About $52,000.

Admit this good and decent woman into Thine arms and the flock...

All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards.

All I know is I'm trying to treat my family to a little fun!

All I know is the man was a saint with children...

All my credit cards are in it.

All right, but if you're not back in an hour...

All right, that's enough, Russ.

All right! That's more like it!

All right. That'll be $37.

Amen! Let's go!

An air bag!

And Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.

And everything has cost twice as much as you figured out.

And he, he shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile.

And I can get you the wagon, there's no problem there.

And I French kiss.

And I thought I'd get a swim and loosen up the muscles.

And I thought it was the best thing ever.

And I use them a lot!

And I won't hurt my pride

And I'll admit I cried sometimes

And I'll admit I cried sometimes

And I'm going to prove it.

And I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

And if that diamond ring don't shine

And if that mockingbird don't sing

And Moab he laideth down behind the land of the Canaanites.

And my airline.

And that's why I keep on singin'

And then what?

And there's Walley World!

And this is Eddie Junior and Junior.

And we're on our own vacation.

And we've still got plenty of cash, okay?

And you came back again

And you came back again

And you came back again

And, at the end of the day, when the lot's all full...

And, yea, though the Hindus speak of karma...

Anyway Mr. Wally, I went on all the rides...

Anywhere in the world.

Are you all right, Clark?

Are you all right?

Are you blushing?

Are you mad?

Are you serious?

Are you serious? Is this really our car, Dad?

Are you waiting for someone?

Aren't the woods beautiful?

As a matter of fact, I could've been in the Olympics.

As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper.

At first, I didn't want to take this vacation.

At the sporting goods store.

Audrey, eat with you mouth closed!

Audrey, gather up all the clothes, and put them in a pile.

Audrey, how much baby sitting money do you have?

Audrey, wake Aunt Edna. It's time for her to eat and take her pill.

Audrey, you remember?

Audrey, you're next.

Audrey!

Audrey?

Audrey.

Aunt Edna!

Aunt Edna! After all these years! And you look so good!

Aunt Edna? Is she still alive?

Auntie?

B: We'll never find it when we don't know where it fell off.

Basically, be yourself?

Be quiet, Russ.

Be quiet!

Beats the heck out of me.

Because getting there is half the fun! You know that!

Because we're the Griswolds!

Because, that's why.

Believe me, we're taking the whole tribe across country.

Besides, I got a great deal on this one.

Bite him back!

Boy, I sure am bushed!

Boy, she's a beaut! I like those green walls.

But Audrey is eating candy and smiling at me with her mouth open!

But don't worry about her. She whistles like a bird and eats like a horse.

But it is a shame.

But then you called my name

But then you called my name

But then you called my name

But we're so far away, Clark.

But when I asked my kids...

But when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off.

But with each new day there's new hope.

But you don't call

But, if you would rather visit your cousins...

But, the important thing, Roy, is that...

By the phone at night

Call me Mister Blue

Can I do your back, honey?

Can I do your front?

Catherine told us to follow 50.

Catherine?

Cause you were out of my life

Cause you were out of my life

Clark and Ellen don't want to hear about problems.

Clark Griswold. I'm trading my wife's old car in.

Clark W. Griswold.

Clark W. Griswold. Do you want my address?

Clark, I need my vanity case.

Clark, I think this is the wrong exit.

Clark, I think we're lost.

Clark, is that the right car?

Clark, this is a serious matter! I'll do it myself!

Clark, watch your language!

Clark, will you listen to me?

Clark, you're scaring me!

Clark!

Clark!

Clark!

Clark!

Clark! Dinky needs a long walk and a bath.

Clark! That's not nice!

Clark! What are you doing?

Clark?

Clark?

Clark?

Clark? Under the circumstances, I would rather we just go home.

Clark? We have to at least say something.

Clark? What are you doing?

Clark.

Clark.

Clark...?

Cold!

Come a little closer

Come a little closer

Come and meet your cousins! Look how they've grown!

Come in the house, Ellen. I've so much to tell you.

Come on, Audrey. Isn't this fun, honey?

Come on, get in there. Let's go, huh, kids?

Come on, honey, look at the mountains, breathe the air!

Come on, kids.

Come on, Mom. It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie to find her.

Come on, Russ. Shut it off.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Come on! Come on!

Come on. How much?

Come on...

Comfortable?

Comin' for to carry me home

Comin' for to carry me home

Could you, maybe, spare a little extra cash?

Cut it out!

Cut it out. You don't even know how to inhale.

Dad wasn't speeding.

Dad, can we go up on it?

Dad, do you want an aspirin or something?

Dad, he bites!

Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?

Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour!

Dad, is that made up? It sounds made up!

Dad, look behind you.

Dad, this is not the car you ordered!

Dad, you must've jumped the car about 50 yards!

Daddy's back!

Davenport!

Davenport!

Did I put the timers on the living room lights?

Did you ever drive them across country?

Did you hear now...

Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news.

Did you walk him?

Didn't it look real when I fell down?

Didn't it look real?

Disgusting!

Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes, Claud?

Do you have any children, Mr. Walley?

Do you have Asteroids?

Do you have Pac Man?

Do you know what I want to do?

Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?

Do you like that girl?

Do you see that, kids?

Do you see where it say Rib Tips?

Do you want me to strap her to the hood? What's the difference? She'll be fine.

Do you want to put your head in my lap?

Do you want to see the trip plan?

Dodge City was enough for today.

Does anyone know about it?

Doesn't he owe us, huh?

Doesn't seem that fast, honey?

Dog killer!

Don't be scared!

Don't be silly.

Don't drink yet!

Don't forget the mail...

Don't get too much sun, now.

Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying!

Don't let your mother smell that beer on your breath.

Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen!

Don't shoot!

Don't touch!

Don't try me. I could put your eye out with this.

Don't you kids knock anymore?

Don't you trust me?

Don't you want to look at the Grand Canyon?

Down! Go!

Drive careful now, Clark!

Ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair!

Easy kids! Stop it!

Ed, I'm not your ordinary, everyday fool. Okay?

Ed, this is not the car I ordered.

Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.

Eddie, you look terrific.

Eddie, you shouldn't have.

Edna, how much do you have?

Edna, this is your tent.

Either way, it doesn't matter.

Ellen, get me out of here!

Ellen, please, let me do the driving.

Ellen!

Ellen?

Ellen?

Everybody into the car, the boat leaves in two minutes.

Everyone knows.

Everything isn't like home.

Everything's under control, sir. They are terrorists!

Excellent! They have a pool!

Except for Aunt Edna.

Except for your diaphragm.

Excuse me... man.

Exhilarating!

Explain this, you son of a bitch.

Fancy seeing you here.

Fifty yards.

Find a bush, Audrey!

Five dollars.

Five dollars.

For what amount?

For your information, Rusty slept in his underpants last night!

Forget it, officer. I'm not going to press any charges.

Four bottles of beer

Fuck your mama!

Fucking right, he owes us!

Get in the car. I'm just fixing the license plate.

Get Mr. Griswold's car back! Bring it back here!

Get off!

Get out of the car!

Get out those sandwiches I got at the gas station.

Give me five, partner!

Go back to bed now.

Go back to bed.

Go on and open it.

Goddamn it, anyway!

Going to take a ride to the West Coast, kids

Going to take a ride to the West Coast, kids

Going to take a ride to the West Coast, kids

Good boy.

Good bye, baby!

Good bye!

Good morning, Edna.

Good shot, Audrey.

Good talk, son.

Good to see you, Mr. Griswold!

Good! Come on, get in the car.

Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop D Loop!

Goodnight.

Great, let's go.

Great. I'll make some space for him in the back.

Guess what, honey? This person here was...

Hands behind your heads!

Has your father ever killed anyone before?

Have a nice day.

Have you been going through her private property?

Have you ever bopped your bologna?

Have you had enough yet, sir?

Have you heard?

Have you lost your mind? Where did you get that?

Having a nice little family vacation?

Hawaii?

He can't even sit on the toilet some days.

He had the shits, so he slept in the barn.

He humiliated me!

He kidnapped me, Mr. Wally, but I gotta tell you...

He owes the Griswolds, right?!

He owes us!

He probably kept up with you for a mile or so.

He should be behind bars!

He sure as hell can't take a hint!

He took a big one on Aunt Edna's blanket.

He treated me like a dog!

He was speeding, Rusty!

He watches Family Feud.

He'll make sure you get where you're going.

He's always been a jag off.

He's Aunt Edna's dog, Dinky.

He's gonna buy me a diamond ring

He's gonna buy me...

He's surely gonna break this heart of mine

Hell! Then we'll drive her to Cousin Normie's.

Hello, officer, what's the problem?

Help!

Helper's getting cold.

Her hand touched me! She's stiff already!

Here he is, Uncle Clark, all walked and everything.

Here in the night, here in the night

Here in the night, together

Here we go! There's us.

Here. Have a good trip.

Here's to a very relaxing vacation.

Hey, excuse me holmes?

Hey, knucklehead! Set us up with four red eyes, will you?

Hey, tenderfoot! Move your chicken wings, turkey!

Hey, underpants!

Hey, yellow belly! I'm talking to you!

Hey! You can't prove that, Rusty.

Hi there, Ed!

Hi, Edna! Nice to see you again!

Hi, honey.

Hi, honey.

Hi. We're big fans of yours. We watch your show all the time.

Holiday Road

Holiday Road

Holiday Road

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Holiday Road!

Honey, come on in! We're going to do Day One!

Honey, I'm not an ordained minister! I'm doing my best, okay?

Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix! Let her be, she's fine!

Honey, number one: I've already called the bank and reported the loss.

Honey, there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced.

Honey, will you check the mileage, please?

Honey, you don't have to prove anything to me.

Honey?

Honey?

Honey?!

Hot! Hot!

How about if I ask him to play a guessing game?

How about The Walley World National Anthem?

How are you doing? Rubin right?

How are you, little fellow?

How can he do this to Mom? They'll probably get a divorce.

How come?

How cool...

How could I like a girl like that?

How do you like yours, Clark?

How do you think that little dog feels?

How do you use a magazine?

How many are there?

How much do you have?

How much do you have?

How much is it?

How much money do you need?

How much?

How old are you, little one.

How would you know? Unless you went in my purse, you rotten sneak.

How's the water?

Howdy, city slickers!

I agree.

I am so humiliated.

I am trying to concentrate on the road!

I bet you could use a cool one?

I better get moving if I want to get us out of here by dark.

I better have a talk with him.

I called to get the grass cut.

I can't believe it's been so long!

I can't believe this.

I can't do that, sir.

I can't wait to see the look on Clark's face when he hears that.

I didn't mean any harm.

I didn't mean any harm.

I didn't see any.

I didn't see this person, so...

I distinctly ordered the Antarctic Blue, Super Sportswagon...

I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what.

I don't have time to play around.

I don't know why they call this Hamburger Helper!

I don't know why, we're making good time.

I don't know, sir.

I don't know. But when this is all over...

I don't remember.

I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something?

I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag.

I don't think you'll find the Grand Canyon on this road.

I don't want to be in the car anymore. I want to go home!

I don't want to drive it. I just want my old car back, okay?

I don't want to go to Walley World!

I feel so inspired

I feel so inspired

I feel so inspired

I found out long ago

I found out long ago

I found out long ago

I got angry because you were right and I knew it.

I got it! Here, hold on to these.

I guess I can buy that, sir.

I guess I missed a lot.

I guess I went a little haywire.

I guess there's not much more that can happen to us.

I guess we are 11, right?

I guess we better be going.

I guess when you get older you get these feelings...

I had a bad experience on this ride once before.

I had a dog like that when I was a kid.

I had to sit next to Aunt Edna last time. She smells like mothballs!

I have $6.13 to my name...

I have spent the past 15 years...

I have to be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.

I haven't had a chance to talk to you, man to man.

I haven't thought about that for a long time.

I hope I didn't spoil your evening.

I hope you children have learned something about life and death!

I hope you understand! Have mercy on his soul!

I implore you, give her a break.

I just didn't want to get caught up in a funeral, inquests and all that crap.

I just got my period.

I just spent $500 on four bald tires and a tow!

I just think someone owes us an explanation, that's all!

I knew you did because the last time I saw you, Clark...

I know how to have fun.

I know I've forgotten something.

I know it's been a rough beginning.

I know that smell.

I know they don't close the state of Florida.

I know we're getting close. What is that? What is that?

I know what must have happened!

I know what you're trying to do, and I think it's sick!

I know you'll enjoy this. I've worked out the whole trip on the computer...

I know, I'm going for it, honey.

I know.

I like it better than Tuna Helper, don't you, Clark?

I like the part where you go really way up high...

I looked over Jordan and what did I see?

I love a parade

I love them.

I love you.

I never heard of no one so stupid as you driving off that road.

I only see them a few minutes in the mornings and evenings...

I own the whole chain, nationwide.

I planned very carefully...

I saw just one girl.

I saw them when you and Mom were trying to fold the map.

I should have taken an airplane!

I should never have come on this trip with you!

I stabbed my brain.

I stay at home at night

I think I broke my nose!

I think I can make some sense out of this.

I think it would be easier on all of us if you would just try to relax.

I think that's fair, Clark.

I think the worst is behind us.

I think there's something wrong here!

I think they owe us an explanation and a little fun.

I think you're all fucked in the head.

I thought so.

I thought you were going to say you worked for the CIA.

I tied him to the rear bumper when I was packing the car.

I told you he wouldn't like them!

I took the whole clan to Florida one year.

I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air.

I want to show you

I want us to have some fun together.

I want you to ask yourself one thing.

I want you to stay here and take care of things.

I was afraid you would get pulled over, Clark.

I was driving like a maniac.

I was hurt, honey.

I was laid off when they closed that asbestos factory.

I was ordering some fish for you, Audrey and Mom.

I was the one who got sick.

I was thinking of taking a detour to Liberal.

I was...

I won't.

I wonder if these guys know The Commodores.

I wonder if you could tell me how to get back on the expressway?

I work very hard for you, Audrey and your mom.

I would like to propose a toast.

I would rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.

I'd better ask these fellows how to get back on the expressway.

I'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm sure this happens all the time.

I'll be right back...

I'll get to the bottom of this.

I'll have my parents wire us money.

I'll kill that dog!

I'll need more than that, sir.

I'll take care of that in a second.

I'll take that.

I'll tell you how.

I'm all right!

I'm asking you, how much do you have.

I'm being practical. If we drove straight through...

I'm Clark W. Griswold.

I'm dead.

I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.

I'm fine!

I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.

I'm glad you liked it. Now, what's happening?

I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

I'm going steady.

I'm going to check under the hood.

I'm going to have fun and you're going to have fun.

I'm going to try, too.

I'm in deep, I'm in deep!

I'm in the mood for some fun.

I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me.

I'm just going to get some sporting goods.

I'm just trying to have a little fun.

I'm looking forward to a long drive.

I'm Mister Blue

I'm Mister Blue without you

I'm not going to give you $5 for directions!

I'm not sure of his exact height and weight.

I'm not tired. Are you kidding?

I'm not. It's stuck.

I'm okay! I'm okay!

I'm proficient in many strokes and I dive.

I'm really glad things are going well for you.

I'm really glad things are going well for you.

I'm Russ Lasky. I met you at the summer picnic last year.

I'm sick of her lying on me all the time!

I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich from a gas station.

I'm sorry about everything.

I'm sorry to all these people.

I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky.

I'm sorry, it really was an accident.

I'm sorry, sir. I can't accept this credit card.

I'm sorry, too. It's not all your fault.

I'm sorry. I feel terrible.

I'm sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.

I'm sure he won't mind!

I'm telling.

I'm under here, kids.

I'm very sorry, sir.

I'm way ahead of you, honey.

I've been looking for it since we left. It's driving me crazy!

I've been there many times.

I've done it already.

I've had some lonely nights

I've had some lonely nights

I've had some lonely nights

I've only been a man a few days, Dad.

If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver...

If it were, there would be no reason for leaving home, right, Rusty?

If one of those bottles should happen to fall...

If the shoe fits, wear it.

If we're not there by 10:00 a.m., we'll be completely off schedule.

If you can't get it for me, I'm going to take my business elsewhere!

If you had seen the look on my kids faces.

If you were me...

If you wrecked the pants, you'll pay for them!

Imagine how your kids would have felt if Florida had been closed.

In 18 years, we never had fun.

In order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.

In retrospect, driving across country, has been one disaster after another!

In spite of the problems, it's fun isn't it?

In the car!

Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.

Instead of always having to latch onto someone else's.

Is that a real gun, Mom?

Is that what you want?

Is that your Aunt Edna?

Is this your idea of a good restaurant?

Isn't this the gas tank?

It beats the hell out of the Sportswagon but...

It could put a lodge under the skin and cause a bad infection.

It could! It could break the skin.

It didn't come in!

It has given me a chance to spend more time with you and...

It helps to complete the disguise. It's fun for them.

It is very late.

It made me so sick!

It was real! It looked real, didn't it? I thought it was real gun.

It was the most fantastic experience I've ever had!

It was very confusing, I must've forgotten.

It would appear so, wouldn't it?

It's a BB gun!

It's a good disguise. I like the station wagon effect.

It's a long way down a Holiday Road

It's a long way down a Holiday Road

It's a long way down a Holiday Road

It's a public... business... summer inspection...

It's a quest for fun.

It's a quest!

It's a shame you're married.

It's a very long drive, Clark.

It's amazing we didn't get into an accident.

It's beautiful!

It's been a long drive.

It's been fun for me, too, Dad.

It's cold! Jesus! Fuck!

It's exhilarating.

It's her turn.

It's just a BB gun!

It's just beautiful!

It's just fine by itself.

It's just the way she is.

It's living history.

It's locked!

It's not as if it's going to rain or something.

It's not what I was thinking.

It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.

It's okay.

It's over 600 feet tall, and there's an elevator all the way to the top.

It's part of the act, honey.

It's probably pretty stiff!

It's raining all over her!

It's taken care of.

It's the bed. It will slow down in a second.

It's the same street Wyatt Earp kept law and order on.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jesus, it's only the biggest goddamn hole in the world!

Jimmy crack corn And I don't care...

Junior Pig Competition?

Just a dog.

Just relax, Ellen.

Keep the change.

Kids, are you noticing all this plight?

Kids, are you thirsty?

Kids, let's go!

Kids, remember when I asked you where you wanted to go on vacation?

Kids?

Kissing your lips of fire

Kissing your lips of fire

Kissing your lips of fire

Lay off, lay off!

Let me adjust the steering wheel.

Let's go get our bathing suits.

Let's go, come on! Where is Edna?

Let's go. Get in the front.

Let's just find a hotel.

Let's just find a motel. I don't want you dozing off.

Let's just wait until we get to a motel.

Let's not get into that again, sweet pie. Please?

Let's not let it spoil our fun, okay?

Let's not overdo it, Mom!

Let's skip The House of Mud.

Let's try this, my darling.

Lie down! Let's go, lie down!

Like swimming naked with girls?

Like this one.

Listen to your mother! I was speeding.

Listen, I'd really appreciate it if you could...

Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

Little boy sweet, little boy sweet,

Locked the door and notified the police. Stopped the newspapers.

Look at him. He can't wait.

Look at that car!

Look at these sandwiches. Here, Aunt Edna.

Look out, Dad, here I come.

Look, I've lost all my cash and we're on our way to California.

Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts!

Lots of families fly, Clark. Especially cross country.

Love so... warm and tender!

M A R T Y

M O O S E

Ma, I saw some detour signs!

Make that the second largest.

Married? You mean those people I'm with?

Marshal.

Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose

Maybe I don't want to.

Maybe the neighbors know where he is.

Maybe we can try it some other time.

Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.

Mockingbird, tell me, everybody

Mom, my sandwich is wet!

Mom, tell Audrey to stop pushing Aunt Edna on me.

Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we?

Move out of that seat, and I'll split your lip!

Move up against the wall!

Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon. Where is it?

Mr. Walley, do you want me to take them downtown and book them?

Mr. Walley... Roy?

My credo is, if you have to have a credo...

My favorite credo...

My head's stuck.

My wife lost her credit cards in Colorado and I reported it.

Nah, they used to, Rusty.

Nice family.

No eating in the car, kids!

No meat in this?

No one is fighting in here.

No problem.

No shit?

No way, José!

No, but my dad does.

No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.

No, I'm mainly interested in my motels now...

No, I'm not with the CIA. I was, but that was a long time ago.

No, it isn't, honey. I changed my mind.

No, it isn't.

No, it's been interesting.

No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.

No, no. It is very interesting.

No, sir.

No, thanks.

No, that's bad.

No, the truth of it is, and this is highly confidential...

No, we are 12 with Aunt Edna.

No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie.

No!

No!

No! Do you mind if I sit down?

No! Sit, sit! Roll over! Heel!

No! Your bun! Light or dark?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. I was just about to.

No... no.

Normie's always been flighty.

Not now, we're playing a game!

Nothing but the best!

Nothing that is worthwhile is easy, Ellen.

Now I have my own family.

Now I'm glad I did.

Now what have we done?

Now you're talking.

Now, don't do that again!

Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold...

Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon right now.

Now, let's just take a look at Day One. Shall we?

Of course, I'm fine! I'm having a ball!

Officer, whatever it is I've done, I'm sure I can explain.

Oh, all new cars do that.

Oh, and my Aunt Edna.

Oh, Clark, this tent smells.

Oh, darling!

Oh, fuck it!

Oh, God...

Oh, kids!

Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

Oh, my God!

Oh, no, he isn't even home.

Oh, no, that's a waitress. No, I was just ordering in.