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Home > The Hot Chick (2002)
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The Hot Chick (2002)

The Hot Chick (2002)

"The Hot Chick" is a hilarious comedy film released in 2002. Directed by Tom Brady, the movie follows the story of Jess, played by Rob Schneider, who magically swaps bodies with a beautiful, popular high school girl named Jessica, portrayed by Rachel McAdams. Chaos ensues as they navigate each other's lives and discover unexpected lessons along the way. This entertaining film will have you laughing from start to finish. You can play and download the sounds from "The Hot Chick" here.

A beautiful young woman who lures men into dark alleyways,
A lot of people don't realize this,
A man.
A screaming orgasm on the beach with extra sugar on the rim.
A true practitioner of Santeria
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Aaaaaah!
Aaaahhh!
Aaaahhh!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah!
Aaah! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Agh! Oh! Ugh!
About $40.
About what?!
Action!
Action!
Action!
Action!
After that... after they freed him, of course, sure.
After you threw the winning pass to beat Carlmont,
Agh!
Agh!
Agh!
Agh!
Agh! Agh! Ohh!
Agh! Ohh!
Ah, um...
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Oh!
Aha! Here we go.
Ahh...
Ahhhh.
Aim for it.
All guys really want to do is... forget it, no such luck.
All right, who is this?
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Come here.
All the people who don't hate Jessica.
All wrapped up.
Although the things you say are funny...
And all that other junk under the hood?
And an entire carton of ice cream.
And before the collapse of apartheid, of course.
And even though it doesn't make sense to other people,
And for me,
And how am I gonna go to school?
And I accept you for who you are.
And I never really appreciated it.
And I should know.
And if I'm gonna be stuck like this forever,
And in that time, you have been such a good friend to me.
And in the morning, you've never felt more rested.
And let me tell you... she didn't hit like a girl.
And play Scrabble with my little brother.
And remember... your name is Spence.
And she lived out her life as a slave girl.
And that'll at least buy us the weekend.
And that's if I fold it in half.
And the visiting 8th graders.
And then eventually made its way to Cuba and Brazil.
And then I'll give you your body back
And then...
And they're gonna be in there for a long time, too.
And unite them before the full moon end.
And what did I tell you about these things?!
And what did I tell you about these things?!
And what do you make of this, hmm?
And when I touch you here...
And when that special moment happens,
And you have a husband who's dying to be with you.
And you said...
And you spend all night thinking about him.
And you, Taquito... we were supposed to be amigos!
And your front two teeth were brown!
And, uh... ricocheted into the window.
And, um, could you, like, check the oil
And... so I can pay off some gambling debts.
And... squeeze the hell out of 'em.
And... tried to run me down with it.
Any guy would be so lucky to have you as their girlfriend.
Any kid would be lucky to have you as their father.
Any sex with a leprechaun?
Anything yet?
Anytime.
April, I am so sorry.
April, I don't know.
April, I need you so bad right now.
April, it's me... Jessica.
April, it's physically impossible
April, this is gonna go straight to your ass.
April!
April!
April!
April!
April...
April...
April...
Are we done?
Are you doing something different
Are you okay?
Are you saying...
Are you saying...
Are you saying...
Aren't they our hated crosstown rivals?
Aren't you just gonna take it out of your tip jar?
As per Section 31 C of the rule book,
As pretty as you are, I bet you really whipped them up
At that dance club... Instant Tang.
Ay yi... yi.
Back to Tijuana!
Back when you were cheerleading captain, hmm?
Back!
Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score.
Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score.
Bears the mark of the scorpion tattooed on their back.
Beat faster and slower at the same time.
Beat faster and slower at the same time.
Beats them senseless, and takes their wallets.
Because you are so beautiful and perfect...
Because you talked funny
Better.
Bianca.
Bianca's always hanging out
Billy!
Billy?
Billy.
Billy...
Billy...
Billy...
Booger, hurry up!
Booger, what the hell are you doing
Booger!
Booger?
Booger.
Boy, she used to be wild.
Boys are cheats and liars.
Bu... I... you're a 30 year old dude!
But don't forget... you're also one quarter *******!
But I can't.
But I don't need to tell you that.
But if you're one of those shy guys,
But she didn't know
But she is a previously owned vehicle.
But she's got her own stuff going on now.
But that's not what it's about.
But we got to move fast, because the police are looking for it.
But why do you have to keep embarrassing me
But you can put your weed in there.
But you have no idea what it's like
But you know teenage girls.
But... this has been really fun.
Butterflies, and bugs.
By that, I mean...
Bye, girls!
Bye, Spence.
Bye.
Can I help you find something?
Can I help you ladies?
Can I see it?
Can I see it?
Can somebody answer the phone?
Can we start thinking about how I can get my life back?
Carol...
Check out the sweet buns on that guy.
Check this out.
Chicken with fried vegetable, bulgogi, and Kimchi.
Cock... roaches, beetles,
Come here!
Come here.
Come on, buddy!
Come on, Hildenburg, don't play dumb.
Come on, let's go kick some ass.
Come on, now, easy there, big fella.
Come on, take a load off. You can finish in a minute.
Come on, you guys, let's get serious. Stop dicking around.
Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on...
Come, child.
Cut!
Damn lawn's a mess.
Damn, I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
Did that Cavanaugh kid do this to you?
Did you sleep well?
Disgusting! Wrinkly! Gross!
Do you feel that?
Do you have to be in here for this?
Do you really have a penis?
Do you remember in second grade
Do you want to see it?
Doesn't matter.
Don't be.
Don't worry, Miss Bernard.
Don't worry. We'll figure this out.
Don't worry. We're gonna figure this thing out.
Double brewski.
Dude, she is gonna be the hottest chick at the prom.
Dude, you've never even been out of California.
Dude!
Earring.
Earrings may come with penis.
Easy on the chronic.
Easy on the coffee.
Eating my boss's cake?
Eh, still not getting any.
Ehhhh...
Eugggh!
Ever since my days playing the tuba
Everybody pays with credit cards nowadays.
Everybody threw rocks at you...
Ew!
Excuse me?
Excuse me...
Fake pearls!
Father Mulcahy?
First of all,
For a woman to transform into a man overnight.
Forever.
Forget about the cheer competition.
Front... behind...
Full service.
Gay, gay, gay, gay.
Geologist studies rocks.
Get a new conditioner.
Get away!
Get out of my room, you little turd!
Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up in licious.
Give it to me. Give it. Give it to me.
Give me my body back!
Give me the keys.
Go o o o o o o o o al!
Go to my house and wait for me in my room.
Go...
God damn!
God.
God...
God...
Good game.
Good morning.
Good night, Billy.
Gotcha!
Gracias, but... I'm not sure I'm old enough, senior.
Great.
Great.
Gross.
Grrrah! Agh!
Guys!
H He said that?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
Have fun.
He didn't even ask me to the prom.
He is such a punk.
He spilled his drink all over his date.
He was hiding behind a dumpster with a video camera.
He's just gonna have to accept me as I am...
Heh hee hee! Ah hee hee!
Hello?
Here comes Jake.
Here goes.
Here he comes.
Here you go, Taquito.
Here.
Here's your drink.
Hey, babe, it's Jake.
Hey, babe.
Hey, Billy.
Hey, buddy? How about a lap dance?
Hey, Dad! Can I have this cake for breakfast?
Hey, don't worry.
Hey, everybody, check out this guy...
Hey, how much you bet I can get him again?
Hey, how's it going?
Hey, Jessica! Jessica!
Hey, Taquito, think fast.
Hey, thanks for helping me out, man.
Hey, that's for Doug Flutie's kids!
Hey, uh, so, uh, w what'd you say your name was?
Hey, what kind of a place do you think I'm running here, pal?!
Hey, you better get back onstage, little lady.
Hey! Can't you read?!
Hey.
Hey...
Hey...
Hey...
Hey... check this out.
Hi, it's April. Leave me a message.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mrs. Spencer.
Hi, Sam.
Hi!
Hi!
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. It's April. Leave me a message.
Hildenburg, you know what to do.
Hildenburg...
Hmm hoo!
Hmm.
Hmm...
Ho ho ho!
Hold still.
Honeybees, all right, all right!
Honeybees, all right!
Hope you don't mind the light beer.
Hor... ticulture studies flowers.
Hor... ticulture studies flowers...
How are things with the missus, senior?
How come you didn't snitch on me?
How could you?! In my own house?!
How dare you?! Do you know what this could do to my lungs?!
How did you know I don't move so well to my right?
How do you know my name?
How does a butt plug like that get all those hot chicks?
How many have you seen?
How much money you got?
How's it going, Booger?
I also had to give up the spicy food on account of my asshole.
I am beginning to worry about April.
I am so lesbian right now.
I bet one of her little hottie friends
I better... I'm gonna go to class, so... all right.
I called you on your ski trip to...
I can either take a shower or I can come on over.
I can explain.
I can't breathe!
I cleaned up the language a bit, but... yes.
I didn't even know you could hear that.
I didn't even know you could hear that.
I didn't see it coming.
I don't care about the other girl I took to the prom.
I don't care that you took my money,
I don't care what Jake thinks.
I don't care.
I don't have one of those.
I don't know how I could ever thank you.
I don't know what happened.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know.
I don't really care about Jake anymore.
I don't see it!
I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
I even got out the razor and gave myself a porn star trim.
I got dibs on the dots.
I got some shots in.
I got that.
I got you, babe. Don't worry about it.
I gotta do what?
I had it all.
I had my period, okay?!
I have an idea.
I have one question.
I have pepper spray on my key chain!
I I thought you just said I could eat it.
I I was looking for my...
I just want to meet you halfway.
I just... I don't know what I'd do
I just... I want it to be perfect.
I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I knew it!
I knew it.
I know it's crazy, but I can't help it.
I know!
I love you, baby.
I love you, too, April.
I mean, I know she thinks
I mean, my house is built on an old Indian burial ground.
I mean, my house is built on an old Indian burial ground...
I mean, she was a fun ride... no doubt about this...
I mean, she was the only one who was actually there.
I mean, we sleep in the same bed.
I mean, when that moment comes...
I mean, you didn't miss a thing. It was all mushed out.
I mean, you know...
I mean...
I mean...
I must tell you... Spence, uh, there are applicants
I need to tell you something...
I need you to meet me right after class out by the track.
I only want to have sex with her,
I really hope this works, Jessica.
I should have made love to you when I had the chance.
I think I broke a rib!
I think I found Jessica's body. It's in an alley outside a bar.
I think I know who's in Jessica's body.
I think I'm sitting next to it.
I think it's when you find someone
I think this is a good spot.
I think you need more things to fill out your day.
I think you're the greatest dad in the world.
I thought everything was fine, but I guess I was wrong.
I told him to stay away from the calamari.
I told you not to go through my stuff.
I took everybody for granted.
I want it to be perfect.
I want my body back right now!
I want my body back!
I want to tell you...
I was much more of a band chick, actually... tuba...
I was simply holding it against myself.
I was your only friend.
I wish my mama got me some bling bling.
I woke up this morning...
I would do anything for you.
I would never dream of rushing you.
I... I think it's her hormonal development.
I... just was really getting into your story.
I'd be the envy of every girl at prom.
I'd float away.
I'd hate to see you after you lose a game.
I'd like to get my hands on those and...
I'd like to say I'm very proud to be half Korean.
I'll be in the back sleeping, so...
I'll even try to find a way
I'll find it.
I'll get it.
I'll make up for that right now.
I'll make you a deal, okay?
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll show her.
I'll take her.
I'll take two banana daiquiris,
I'll wait behind for you.
I'm a struggling musician.
I'm afraid to look anywhere else.
I'm all right. I'm o...
I'm crying about my body.
I'm in here.
I'm in love with Billy.
I'm in love with you, Spence.
I'm into that new car smell.
I'm not living.
I'm not pressing charges.
I'm not really a gardener.
I'm not wearing your bra.
I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again.
I'm only gonna tell you this once...
I'm perfect?
I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials.
I'm sad to report that Eden, here, got the only A.
I'm so glad you're my best friend.
I'm so pretty.
I'm sorry that I humiliated you
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm still not doing it.
I'm still not having sex with you.
I'm sure everything's gonna be fine.
I've always liked earrings on men.
I've been a guy for almost a week now.
I've got cheerleading practice, the prom.
I've only seen a couple, but that's definitely top 5.
If it'll shut you up.
If things weren't so... perfect.
If you change your mind, we could drive up together.
If you let him go all the way, then you are a...
If you let him go all the way, then you are a...
If you ruin April's night, I will have you put away.
If you weren't holding on to me right now...
In at least five different ways!
In front of my friends?
In front of the entire school...
In my nose, in my ears, on my chin.
In the high school marching band...
In the honor band.
In your office.
Into the lawn mower...
Iook...
Is an asshole.
Is he okay?
Is home with me and my wife.
Is it easy to get out of?
Is place to put his...
Is that all you got... $ 18?!
Is that my lipstick?!
Is there any ice in here?
Is this really Jessica?
It appears the older gentleman in the bee outfit
It has such bounce.
It is!
It makes your whole leg tingle?
It originated in Africa
It would have looked even better in red.
It, uh, accidentally fell...
It's a gas station.
It's actually a model of the prison on Robben Island
It's actually a Senegalese lute carved from deerwood,
It's always been me.
It's always good to aim at something,
It's April's soap.
It's been so long since I heard you laugh.
It's definitely not her.
It's going all over.
It's going everywhere!
It's good talking to you, Taquito.
It's got a Mexican flavor to it.
It's gotta be one of the people who hates Jessica that did this.
It's just a spider.
It's just like Cabo.
It's kinda chilly in here.
It's like I'm an ad for hair.
It's me?
It's me... Jessica.
It's my dad's.
It's my daughter's responsibility to look after it,
It's my own fault.
It's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.
It's okay. I'm okay.
It's okay. It's on the house.
It's really you.
Jake and I are so over.
Jake is so jealous.
Jake's got to come right by here.
Jess!
Jess!
Jessica didn't get ready here.
Jessica has a problem.
Jessica, you look great!
Jessica!
Jessica?
Jessica?
Jessica?!
Jessica?! This is where you've been?
Jessica's anything but a cold fish, all right?
Jessie, it is you!
Jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck.
Just close your eyes.
Just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, okay?
Just on the outside!
Keecia Ling Ling Jackson.
Know what I mean?
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lead tuba... honor band.
Let me make you feel a little bit more at home.
Let's find Jessica and get out of here.
Let's go paint your toenails.
Let's go, Winona.
Let's just pretend this was an alternate universe
Let's make a list of all the people who hate Jessica.
Like an ancient spell...
Like his job is that hard.
Like that cigarette there... or the big mint.
Like that cigarette there... or the big mint.
Like this.
Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.
Ling Ling!
Ling Ling! You forgot lunch, baby pie!
Listen, I got a half hour after wrestling.
Listen, I... I'm so so...
Look at all these earrings.
Look at me.
Look, I help! I help you!
Look, uh...
Looks like she worked you over pretty good.
Ltchbay alert.
Luckily, Fitzy, the good guy that he is...
Lucky shot.
Make one of your boobs bigger than the other.
Mar...
Marjorie.
Maybe it wasn't an accident.
Maybe put a steak on 'em...
Maybe this one will put out, unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Mazel tov, baby!
Me either.
Me turning into a man and you wanting to be with me
Me? Oh, no, no, no.
Mm hmm. Oh, I'm sorry.
Mmm, boy, I don't think so.
Mmm, mmm...
Mmm! Oh!
Mmm! That's really good.
Mmm...
Mmm...
Mmm...
Mom... you're ruining my life!
Monday night's gay night.
Most of its rituals involve a chicken.
Mr. Spencer.
My daughter, Jessie, used to do those things for me.
My eyes burn!
My girlfriend's panties...
My outs again, senior.
My wedding dress. Quickly, put it on.
My whole leg tingles and shakes.
Nice.
****a, prease!
No clue.
No clue.
No clue.
No clue.
No clue.
No one has ever been there for me like you have.
No problemo.
No strangling the dancers or you are out of here!
No way, man.
No way!
No, he... she's not gonna do it.
No, I...
No, she's not gonna...
No!
No!
No! Aaah!
No.
No.
No.
No. No, she hasn't been here all week.
No. No. No, it can't be.
No...
None of my clothes fit. I think I'm going bald.
None of that matters.
Not for sale. That's a genuine artifact.
Not including my little brother's.
Not like that was in jeopardy or anything.
Not now, Booger.
Not particularly.
Not peeing in his chick's panties.
Not recently.
Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of...
Nothing matters.
Nothing.
Now go kick some ass.
Now, can't you read?
Now, it appears that this myth is anything but.
Now, just confess and give us the antidote.
Now, this is more like it.
Now, this new chick I got...
Now, you get in there.
Now...
Of course I do.
Of her using the earrings to escape a bad marriage.
Of the form...
Oh h hang on.
Oh, actually, this is the back. Sorry.
Oh, and today, my dad walked in on me and my mom in the tub.
Oh, and you can put your weed in there.
Oh, come on, man.
Oh, come on. This is the only way you can be in school.
Oh, Daddy!
Oh, dang, that's messed up.
Oh, God, that hurt.
Oh, God!
Oh, good one.
Oh, h h hi, Carol.
Oh, have you seen your sister?
Oh, I can't! I can't do it!
Oh, I put plenty of hexes on you...
Oh, I think you got me with that one.
Oh, I... I am so sorry.
Oh, it's like you have to grab on to something,
Oh, it's sick!
Oh, it's this new cream ri...
Oh, Jess, when you do that...
Oh, Jessica, I I I don't know about that.
Oh, Jessica.
Oh, Miss Spencer, wonderful job this morning.
Oh, motherfuck! Oh!
Oh, my God, are you getting a cold?
Oh, my God, my first boner!
Oh, my God, that was awesome, Spence.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Look at those earrings.
Oh, no, she didn't.
Oh, shit!
Oh, silly Billy nilly,
Oh, Taquito.
Oh, yeah, I like that, too.
Oh, yeah. Cool.
Oh, yeah. Ooh.
Oh, yeah. What is this?
Oh, yes, she did.
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes! Oh!
Oh, your life is like a fairytale.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh! Ho! Whoo!
Oh! I knew it!
Oh! I've never done this before.
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh, thank God.
Oh. Thanks.
Oh...
Oh...
Oh...
Oh...
Oh...
Oh...

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