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The Hangover (2009) "The Hangover" is a hilarious comedy film released in 2009, directed by Todd Phillips. The movie

The Hangover (2009)

"The Hangover" is a hilarious comedy film released in 2009, directed by Todd Phillips. The movie follows four friends - Phil (played by Bradley Cooper), Stu (played by Ed Helms), Alan (played by Zach Galifianakis), and Doug (played by Justin Bartha) - as they embark on a wild bachelor party weekend in Las Vegas. However, their night takes an unexpected turn when they wake up the next morning and realize they have no recollection of what happened and the groom-to-be is missing. As they retrace their steps, they encounter eccentric characters and outrageous situations in their search for the truth. This uproarious journey is a must-watch for anyone seeking a good laugh. You can enjoy and download these sounds here.

A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch.
About 10 grand. I was gonna use it for the wedding.
About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?
Absolutely not. I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car.
Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?
Absolutely. That's easy.
Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
Actually, there was something.
Actually...
After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness.
After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here...
Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time.
Ah!
Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy.
Ah...
Ahem, do you have to park so close?
Alan bet you that you weren't a good enough dentist...
Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal.
Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan, go wake up Doug.
Alan, how we doing, buddy? Good.
Alan, I'm just teasing. You have wonderful legs.
Alan, put some pants on. You have weird legs.
Alan, shall we dance?
Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife.
Alan, you okay?
Alan.
Alan. We got bigger problems here.
Alan. We need you, buddy. This is your time to shine, okay?
Alan...
All I know is I am so sorry.
All of you, shut up.
All right, all right. Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
All right, buddy, we should get a move on.
All right, come forward. And turn.
All right, everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word.
All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
All right, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us.
All right, good, because I need everybody to focus.
All right, grab it from the other side.
All right, here we go.
All right, how about you, young lady? Come on up here. All right.
All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go.
All right, let's go.
All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay?
All right, let's pick a room, let's get dressed. Be ready in 30 minutes.
All right, let's play some blackjack!
All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened.
All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
All right, to a night we'll never remember...
All right, we got the money. Eighty grand, cash.
All right?
All right.
All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips...
All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy.
All right. Thattaboy.
All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot.
All you want me to do is what you want me to do.
Although none of you could articulate how it happened.
And 100, 200, 300, 400.
And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...
And don't forget to use it.
And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade.
And get the baklava, please.
And I miss you.
And I promise for as long as we're married...
And if, uh, someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911.
And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
And one water.
And she was wasted.
And six months ago...
And the nurse will be in here in a minute.
And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?
And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there.
And then we take it. Your choice, bitches.
And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug
And then we're gonna give him A best friend hug
And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler.
And was Doug there then?
And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug...
And we're the three best friends That anybody could have
And you believe that?
And you know what else, honestly?
And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.
And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
And, uh, we can't re... What time was that at?
Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers.
Are my glasses okay?
Are you kidding?
Are you kidding? He was the best man.
Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital.
At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
At least the trip wasn't a total disaster.
At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
Attaboy.
Attention, please. Move out of the way.
Attention. Sorry.
Aw, Jesus Christ!
Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys.
Be proud of yourself.
Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss.
Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy.
Because we obviously had a great fucking time.
Because whatever this is ain't working for me!
Because, frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now.
Besides, enough with Melissa, she's the worst.
Besides, you know how I feel about that.
Besides, you're drinking.
Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.
Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?
Boring. Take nap. Come on.
Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn.
Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on.
Bud, are you okay?
Bunch of payphones? Business.
But any week after that is totally fine.
But give me the 20 so I know you're serious.
But if he's been murdered By crystal meth tweakers
But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...
But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!
But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal.
But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor.
But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're gonna get sex.
But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own.
But you don't know for sure?
By the way, we're all gonna die.
By the way, where you get that cop car from?
Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager friendly?
Can someone tell me where white Doug is?
Can you believe this? Just two more days.
Can you forgive me?
Can't you see the fun part in anything?
Careful.
Carlos?
Change only, 10,000.
Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger.
Check its collar or something.
Clean, tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that.
Clearly.
Close the door. You're awesome.
Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you.
Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
Come on, buddy. She probably knows where Doug is.
Come on, get out of here.
Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us.
Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on.
Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want.
Come on, you can't think like that.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on, come on.
Come on. For Doug.
Come on. I got a guy in L.A. Who's great with interiors.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this.
Control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
Cool. Good to know.
Cool. We're just getting some sun. Is Doug around?
Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
Could you at least just find some pants?
Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Daddy's gonna kill me.
Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?
Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.
Deal?
Did we leave the music on?
Did you ever get any ecstasy?
Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
Did, uh...
Discreetly of course, ma'am.
Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?
Do some gambling, maybe catch some rays, have a few laughs.
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Do you have anything?
Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor.
Do you remember how many of us were here?
Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?
Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?
Does not help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys.
Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?
Don't do this!
Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
Don't forget your Rogaine.
Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't.
Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child.
Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this through.
Don't make any sudden movements.
Don't make me come back for him.
Don't step... God. Watch the leath...
Don't touch anything out there, either.
Don't worry about it.
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
Doug
Doug
Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt.
Doug would love it.
Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...
Doug, I'm serious. I got a wife and kid.
Doug, it's okay. You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
Doug!
Doug!
Doug!
Dr. Price?
Driving drunk. Classic.
Dude, what the fuck? What the hell are you doing?
Easy, easy. Come on.
Easy, Phil. He's correct. My fault.
Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in.
Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Eleven oh five for $800! I am so fucked.
Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
Excuse me, but I'm expecting my husband any minute.
Explain.
Eye of the tiger. Good.
Fat Jesus. All right, now, it's real simple.
Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys.
Fine.
Fine.
Finish him!
Follow me. All right, let's do it. Come on.
Fuck those guys, you hear me?
Fuck, where'd he get him?
Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Shit. He shot me!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Funny fat guy fall on face.
Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?
Gentlemen.
Get it out. Fuck!
Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk!
Get out of the car. Please.
Get the fat boy.
Go ahead, Stuart. Make him stop.
Go, go, go!
Goddamn. Look at this place.
Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great.
Good, because I have something to show you.
Good.
Good.
Good. Hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?
Great.
Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.
Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying.
Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. It's not anywhere.
Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.
Guys, there's something I need to tell you.
Guys, we are not sharing beds. What are we, 12 years old?
Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
Ha, ha. Oh.
Ha, ha. You're so cute.
Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense.
Have a good weekend. I'm gonna miss you.
Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. Brother of the...
He destroys cities! Please!
He has his mother's legs. It's just freaky.
He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch.
He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.
He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it.
He said he had to grab a few things.
He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio.
He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that.
He was a retard.
He was just hungry, he's fine. Oh, good.
He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
He's a nasty little motherfucker.
He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night.
He's fine. He's a grown man.
He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
He's jacking his little weenis.
He's okay.
He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank...
He's over here!
Hello? Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
Hello.
Hello. Checking in?
Her name's Jade?
Here he comes. That's him.
Here we go.
Here's something I would like to remind you two of:
Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants?
Hey, come on.
Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's comet?
Hey, guys!
Hey, guys?
Hey, guys. Look, free almonds.
Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?
Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, I found him! He's over here! Oh, shit.
Hey, kitty.
Hey, man, what's going on here?
Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
Hey, Phil, look.
Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes.
Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
Hey, Sid.
Hey, Stu, watch this.
Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
Hey, sweetie, it's okay. I got a little snack for you.
Hey, thanks for helping out last night. That was so awesome.
Hey, thanks, guys.
Hey, that's his fiancÈe.
Hey, there are Skittles in there.
Hey, this is Phil.
Hey, what's all that?
Hey! What the hell, man?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man.
Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route.
Hi, welcome to Caesars.
Hi, you've reached Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry.
Hi.
High five that one.
His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix up.
His nose. That's his nose.
Hm.
Hmm.
Hold on, I got it.
Hold on, that was completely unnecessary.
Holy shit!
Holy shit.
Honey, it's a long story.
How about that ride in?
How about you, big man? Come on up here.
How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you.
How can a cake cost $1400?
How did you wind up in Chow's car?
How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me.
How the fuck did he get in there?
How the hell did we manage that?
How the hell did you find this place?
How was Vegas?
How was your soccer game?
How you getting out there?
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner.
I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much.
I can't believe I gave my grandmother's Holocaust ring to someone I just met.
I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties.
I can't have juice right now.
I can't... Oh, shit.
I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.
I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck.
I didn't think so.
I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off.
I don't even know you, but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.
I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?
I don't know you. You do not exist.
I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out.
I don't know, man. It just hit me.
I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth.
I don't know. I don't know either. I don't...
I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby.
I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something.
I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug.
I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.
I don't want them. He ruined it.
I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.
I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father.
I fucking hate my life.
I got a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down.
I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended.
I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind.
I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift.
I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
I had to wait two hours for you to call me.
I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 a. m.
I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio.
I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911.
I have no idea.
I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.
I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. "
I just wanted to thank you guys again for everything you're doing this weekend.
I just wish you could see this place, because you, of all people, would love it.
I know that guy. That's the guy from the trunk.
I know, but we should have gone last weekend.
I know, I did. I already checked with her.
I know, I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.
I know. The reception up here's crazy.
I know. You getting nervous?
I like the intensity.
I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
I looked everywhere.
I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing?
I love this fucking town.
I love you so much.
I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have
I mean, what if he's dead?
I pulled out my tooth?
I repeat, please disperse.
I should get going. So pretty. A tractor ride?
I should have been a fucking cop.
I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack.
I think he's mean.
I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal.
I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys.
I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird.
I think the pit boss is watching him.
I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?
I think you're fine. Let's go.
I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet.
I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some... I wanna talk about memory.
I want my purse back, assholes.
I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap.
I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.
I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later.
I was thinking maybe I'd come back and take you out to dinner.
I was told it was ecstasy.
I will be the only one driving this car. I promise.
I won't tell a soul.
I would, but you lost. It wouldn't be right.
I wouldn't worry about it.
I'd like to say something...
I'll hit an old man in public.
I'll hit you on the way back. Thank you, sir.
I'll just call his cell.
I'll see you after the weekend.
I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man.
I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was...
I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
I'm freaking out.
I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?
I'm gonna beat you! Ha ha ha.
I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding. After the ceremony.
I'm just a dentist.
I'm just saying, he's still got it.
I'm just saying, it's clearly marked, okay?
I'm just wondering why you're calling me.
I'm just worried.
I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing.
I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.
I'm not surprised you don't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
I'm sick of doing what you want.
I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
I'm sorry, she's had a little too much to drink.
I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous when I gamble. I'm so silly.
I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake.
If we're share beds, I'm bunking with Phil.
If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know?
If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore.
If you wanna... Does it matter if it's tamed?
If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand.
In a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants.
In other words, forget everything.
In the face! In the face!
In the middle. That's weird. Yeah, that is weird.
Indiana Jones wears one.
Is he all there? Like, mentally?
Is it Doug? I don't have it.
Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?
Is this all one suite?
Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?
It is a wedding gift from Linda and I.
It keeps going straight to voicemail.
It may be neat, but it's also very expensive, so...
It needs to go down.
It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?
It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks. "
It sounds perfect.
It sounds perfect.
It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?
It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.
It was stupid, wasn't it?
It was... Ahem. It was crazy.
It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy.
It's all evidence of a night that never happened.
It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
It's all there. Let him go.
It's also illegal.
It's because we found a fucking baby.
It's Doug, it's Doug.
It's funny because he's fat.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be okay, Stu.
It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. And that ******* actor.
It's in the trunk.
It's not dumb. It's one night. Have fun, you deserve it.
It's not funny.
It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.
It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
It's not like that.
It's not like that. I already told you, Alan.
It's not nothing and he's not a cool guy...
It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him.
It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine.
It's Rock, Paper, Scissors. There's nothing more fair.
It's true.
It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this.
Jesus Christ. Look out. Don't mess the car up.
Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business. "
Just get me home.
Just get me home.
Just go in there and throw it in to him.
Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
Just stay focused on Doug.
Just tell me. Oh. Mm.
Keep it straight.
Last night on the roof, before we went out...
Leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes.
Leave me a message or don't. Do me a favor, don't text me. It's gay.
Let me ask you a question:
Let me ask you a question.
Let the dogs out. You know.
Let's do this.
Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.
Let's go back to the hotel, and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later.
Let's go, handsome, come on.
Let's just calm down.
Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny. "
Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
Like, 20 bucks.
Like, all the way through to your core.
Like, something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?
Lisa, I apologize. How much is the villa?
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life.
Listen, Jade, I...
Look at these guys.
Look, I already told you.
Look, I'm not a cop.
Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix.
Look, you don't have to say it. I totally understand.
Looks like we're going home with some money, boys.
Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
Make sure he eats the whole thing.
Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...
Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
May tonight be...
Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep.
Maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby.
Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.
Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
Mike Tyson?
Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing.
Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard.
Mm hm.
Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu.
Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom.
Mr. Wenneck, I was... It's the weekend.
My brother packed his bag two weeks ago. You're not canceling.
My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge...
My friend was getting married. That's what guys do.
My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
My mom won't give me the money. I'm grounded.
Need a chorus line, guys.
Nice.
No big deal. We can share beds. It's one night.
No chance. Cash only.
No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...
No shit. Yeah.
No, before that.
No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory.
No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!
No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II.
No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?
No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time.
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend.
No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
No, partner, that's not your property.
No, thank you.
No, we need to be in L.A. Tomorrow for a wedding.
No.
No.
No. I am in so much pain right now.
No. No, we don't remember.
No. Sid.
Not looking. Not looking.
Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag.
Not to mention it's pathetic.
Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy.
Nothing, guys. Nothing.
Now we're talking.
Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal.
Now, this is Vegas.
Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug.
Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad...
Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
Oh God!
Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Oh, come on! Ew!
Oh, dear Lord!
Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger.
Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Watch it!
Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
Oh, goddamn it.
Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
Oh, how cute. What's his name?
Oh, I found, uh... These are some black shoes.
Oh, I'm free next week.
Oh, it's like college.
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Shit!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. What happened to your tooth?
Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
Oh, my... This place is enormous.
Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know.
Oh, not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great, Stu?
Oh, ow! God.
Oh, really? It's not easy.
Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh, shit. Who does shit like that, man?
Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan.
Oh, shit. We drove last night?
Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Oh, stop it, I'm just jerking around.
Oh, sweetie, I'm... I'm gonna go clean him off.
Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you.
Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk.
Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh... He won again.
Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
Okay, come on. He can't lose. He can't lose.
Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
Okay, good or bad, we don't remember so we got nothing to talk about.
Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a. m. Arrival.
Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave.
Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
Okay, if it's, "No big deal," why, when I come after you guys...
Okay, kids, you're in for a real treat today.
Okay, let me look that up for you.
Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot.
Okay, that's good.
Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning.
Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later.
Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird.
Okay, yeah. Whew.
Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal.
Okay. All right.
Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing.
Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
Okay. Heh.
Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
Okay. Ow.
Okay. We have up until 10 p. M...
Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go, because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.
Okay. What's up?
Okey dokey.
On the roof.
One more time, guys.
One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning.
Ooh!
Or a tamed raccoon, but it's a lot of trouble.
Or drink too much.
Or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit?
Or maybe it's because there's a tiger in our hotel room...
Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now.
Or, how about rapies?
Our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now...
Ow! Oh, not again.
Ow. Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
Page me! AdiΓ›s.
Paging Dr. Faggot.
Pants at a time like this? I don't have any p...
Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
Phil, just do it. You should do it.
Phil, just do something.
Phil, Melissa is like a forensic accountant, okay?
Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over.
Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room.
Phil, we've been dating for three years. It's time. This is how it works.
Phil, where the hell are you guys?
Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Phil? Hello? Tracy, it's Stu.
Please don't stop. Please don't stop.
Please don't... Goddamn it.
Please leave a message after...
Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
Please! Please! Please stop!
Plus, it's not a man purse. It's called a satchel.
Problem solved. Alan, enjoy your almonds.
Quiet, quiet.
Real important that you eat this, okay?
Really?
Really? Like a date?
Really? Really, Alan?
Really. Because now we know that our buddy Doug...
Relax, we'll be careful.
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Respect.
Retard.
Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Doug.
Right. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much.
Road trip!
Rogaine, check.
Ruphylin, for your information, is the date **** drug. You sold Alan roofies.
Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date **** drug.
Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?
See, he fine. Now give me money...
See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.