School for Scoundrels (2006) Soundboard Edit

About his wife dying.

Ah, no way.

All right, here's how this works.

All right, hey.

All right, I'll be down in two minutes.

All right, let's go, Billie Jean

All right, there was this guy in my class;

All systems are go.

All the mental distress I just went through?

All you need is a stamp and a unicorn sticker.

Always get the girl alone.

Amanda, I'm fine.

Amanda!

Amanda...

And he had an energy that was just,

And he, uh...

And it's clear you feel the same way

And murder her and shoot him

And so he's done some bad things.

And the tickets

And then there's the matter of four unpaid priors.

And up into the main house.

And we love him.

Anybody?

Anyway, I, uh, have to go to work, so...

Anyways, uh, I'll try and get you

Are there any other kids?

Are you serious?

Are you sure?

Be careful, Dennis.

Because I'm not you.

Bring me the paddles.

But with Amanda, something just clicked.

But you already knew that.

But you didn't get it from me.

But...

Call the number and follow the instructions.

Can I get you anything?

Can you remove your shoes, please?

Check, check, check, one two.

Come in. Hawk

Come on, do me.

Come on, we can take this guy Lesher, too.

Congratulations, honey, you win, you're fat.

Cool, man, no problem.

Could you pass me one of those lemon towelettes?

Deal

Dewey, it's okay, baby.

Do me.

Do you ever watch the show 24?

Do you have to be the fastest?

Do you think I'm a lion? You know...

Do you want to be a lion?

Don't be crazy, okay? I could use the exercise.

Don't worry.

Don't you think he's been through enough?

Dr. P thought she was cute, too.

Dutch cuts, full backs...?

Easy, big guy!

Eh.

Eli

Evening, Mr. Schultz.

Every once in a while, I actually teach someone.

Exactly.

Excuse me

Excuse me, do you work here?

For real!

From Dennis?!

G Go now.

Get inside and get your pudding.

Give me that

Going to his car.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Good work.

Great. Bye.

Had a lot of luck in the classes,

Have here?

He challenged me.

He spent three years in the 'tard hatch.

He takes it!

He takes it.

He took down Lesher

Here we go 1,800 volts

Hey, come on, man

Hey, is that the new Star magazine?

Hey, keep it down, huh?

Hey, Perkins, what the fuck did I tell you?

Hey, relax

Hey, Roger, uh, what do you think of the uniforms?

Hey, uh, hey, emu, check it out.

Hi, Rose.

Hi.

Hi. My name is Roger Waddell.

Hold that. That's good.

Hold the door!

Honey...

How many of you retards own a self help book?

I admit it, you look cool

I came to talk to Ian, Wally, not you.

I can feel it.

I can't afford another ticket.

I have those, too.

I have tried to hold back my feelings,

I I don't know.

I I'm gonna get some ice.

I It's a C 1.

I just don't get it.

I know this guy, all right?

I know what I'm going to do.

I mean, if he wants to go out with Amanda,

I mean, that's what I do

I mean, uh, I could use the exercise?

I mean, you got to give it some time at least.

I say to him,

I think Amanda's seeing someone else,

I want to know what Dr. P did to you.

I'd have pegged Dr. P for living in Manhattan.

I'd say you're more like a...

I'll sleep, but not until well after midnight.

I'm entitled to meet with a government counselor.

I'm everywhere now.

I'm fine, thanks.

I'm going to leave that bitch.

I'm gonna be a lion.

I'm kidding

I'm looking for Lonnie Ratcliff.

I'm on the move.

I'm the shepherd.

I'm too pumped.

I've seen it a million times.

If they won't give it to me...

If you could just move it, that'd be great

If you're helping yourself,

Inside or out,

Is a beeper.

Is Is something burning?

It has your return address on it,

It just reminds me of Sarah, that's all.

It sucks.

It was a different kind of raffle.

It was especially hard on him

It's a living, right?

It's called competition. It'll do wonders for you.

It's got your whole life

It's not really my thing

It's not that difficult.

It's okay, don't be scared.

It's quiet.

Just a little

Just breathe.

Just print.

Just trying to be a gentleman, all right?

Keep it maybe it'll help you.

Lesher?

Let me have a Johnnie Walker.

Let's go, buddy.

Listen, my wife knows the drill.

Lois,

Look into my eyes

Look, Dr. P is our teacher,

Look, Roger, I...

Loser

MAN Hello.

Man, I'm glad I seen you when I did.

Meter maid shoes for anyhow?

Miny, moe..

Movin' Out, the Billy Joel musical.

Ms. Washington...

My goal is to make another $3,000 a year.

My name's Roger Waddell.

News flash:

No

No parades,

No, not really.

No, whoa, whoa, Roger.

No.

No. Why?

No...

Not technically, but I can explain that.

Not to mention, Dr. P

Not too good.

Now, does anybody else

Oh, and hey, Roger.

Oh, he didn't tell you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no; no can do

Oh, please.

Oh, well, thanks.

Oh, you know, I've been known to mess around a bit.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Well...

Or the strongest?

Out of here.

Please, that sounds like a setup, mister.

Please.

Pretty sobering.

Right now, you look like a bunch of idiots,

Right, right, right.

Right. Roger.

Roger, just stand away for one second

Roger, this happens to be one of the most beautiful letters

Roger!

Roger.

She's on the way to your house.

She's out with this guy she just met

Shh...

Shouldn't we try something else first?

Show of hands.

So I suggest you get moving.

So I was just wondering, um...

So may the best man win.

So what?

So...

Sorry to be calling you off hours,

Sorry, buddy, but, uh,

Sorry, I'm kind of nervous.

Sounds great.

Still getting used to it

Take a breath.

Talk to me.

Taxi!

Teach.

Thanks, Dennis.

That sucked.

The cigar shop is open for business

The class is top secret, Roger.

Then, yes, you are a lion.

There ain't much to work with down here.

There are no teams it's every man for himself

There she is.

There's more where that came from... Dennis.

There's someone very special he wants you to meet.

There's this thing I wanted to ask you.

They're policemen. What do you think

Things have been going pretty well.

This is not cool.

This is off white.

This is unbelievable.

This isn't even about me anymore.

This isn't right.

Time to start running things.

To Miami.

To play the field a little.

Truth is, I sat here for two hours like an asshole

Uh, I have to go.

Uh, no thanks.

Um, I'm sorry

Unpaid tickets, towing and storage

Use what you've learned and defeat me.

Wait, Lonnie said...

Wait!

Wait. Wait.

Walsh!

Watch your ass, Roger.

We got to go.

We have a little bit of a situation outside.

We'll get this situation under control.

We'll see you at the rendezvous

We're not spinning, okay?

Well, here's the thing: it's not that easy.

Well, my friend seemed to imply

Well, well, well. Good morning, sunshine.

Well, you did learn something.

What a sweet guy, too.

What are those?

What are you doing? Ernie?

What are you talking about?

What could I do, Sarge?

What exactly is a swirly?

What the hell you want to wear

What was your name again?

What?

What?!

What's your status? Over.

Whatcha talking about?

Whatever, man.

Whatever, Roger.

When entering this building,

Which is one of our rules:

Who gets the last cherry Danish?!

Who's the guy this semester?

Whoa, whoa!

Whoo!

Why don't you shut the hell up

Why would he go after your girl?

Would you want me to leave you?

Wow, this guy is a piece of work, huh?

Yeah

Yeah, I guess I didn't

Yeah, maybe later

Yeah, that's right!

Yeah, these are regulation we have to wear 'em

Yeah, we need security at gate 31. Now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, it's be fun.

Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. There's a war that the media ignored, huh?

Yech.

Yep, I am.

Yes!

You back off.

You barely even know her!

You can be friends with whoever you want.

You can turn your uniform and your sneakers in to Manny.

You don't really have a lot of choices, do you, Rog?

You don't understand.

You gonna check on him?

You got to be shitting me.

You got to go slower.

You just never really knew me.

You know how kids are

You know that.

You know what they say?

You know, because I get a sense from people,

You know, I was thinking, um...

You see, once I push send, it goes straight to Albany.

You want to take a break?

You wanted a tit,

You wanted to see me?

You will be expelled,

Don't make me use it, man. Use it.

I got you. Stay back.

Louder! He takes it!

Right, Monty? Right

What was that about, huh? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, wait.

$1,663.00.