Horrible Bosses 2 (2014) Soundboard Edit

Ah. Oy, oy, oy.

All right, glue stick, and I'm gonna lock this in.

All right, tactical command, red team

All right.

And he was oddly squeamish about his own asshole, which is weird.

And the babies

And then what did you say?

And thought if we got a chance to be our own bosses, we'd do things differently

And when Bert drives that far underground...

And where does she go now?

And your fathers had no balls.

And, finally, I am rescued from my hellish captivity.

Are you quitting on the plan?

Because almost everyone I've talked to thinks he's an asshole.

Boulder Stream

Boy, look what we got

Bridge is still clear, chief.

But because you took a bullet for the detective, DA got rid of the biggies.

But I guess it's worth more to him than my life.

But there's good news. The guy who

But we got this.

But we want something we can grow into, right?

But when he arrives, instead of finding a bag he finds you three.

But why little boy? Makes him sound 6.

Can I pose a question to you colonizers?

Cannot believe we never said it out loud before.

Chugging one after the other. Sometimes double fisted, just:

Congrats. I'm so proud of you for coming out

Congratulations, boys. What an accomplishment.

Cops. Cops.

Dale, buddy, you okay? Hey.

Dale.

Did we get in trouble with the police, or...?

Did you see the free cookies?

Didn't wanna hold onto that for two more minutes?

Disguised. Armed. Dangerous.

Do you guys validate parking? Not you personally, obviously, that'd be racist.

Don't criticize the man. He's doing the best he can.

Don't listen to him. You're gonna make it.

Don't need it

Don't poke holes in everything. I'm trying to help out.

Don't worry, guys I'll take it from here.

Drop your fucking guns.

Dude, I'm trying. My dad is being a total dick about the money.

Every time you guys come here, you're like, We're a bunch of happy go lucky guys.

First we're gonna tie up Rex...

Fuck it. Give me the watch.

Go, go. Car. Car.

Going once, going twice, sold. To D.H. Commercial Trust.

Ha, ha! And we're back. You know, every week we like to highlight...

He's definitely suspect.

Hello.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, guys

Hey. Listen. Keep it together.

Hold on. Before we kick this thing off, can I just say something?

Hold the line It probably needs...

How we doing in there, guys?

I am, um...

I ate that dick, balls, and licked that kid's sweaty asshole.

I can give you the answers.

I could pinch plow. I got a real green thumb.

I don't give a goddamn. Tell it to the judge.

I don't know what thatched hut you grew up in, but this is disgusting.

I eat it three times a week. I love Pinkberry.

I got a magazine to cut up the ransom note

I guess we follow your idea and we get out of here.

I haven't done a thing illegal. I can just drive out of here.

I just like to hear you say it.

I say we chop off a toe, mail it to him and double the ransom

I then tell him to give me his jacket and tie.

I think it'll be a little suspicious if I disappear. Gonna complete the diversion.

I touch you once

I touch you twice

I want a tracer put in that bag

I want his house burned down, and I'll get a baseball bat.

I wanted to open my own Pinkberry.

I would've loved a seat belt too.

I'll go butt, face, puss.

I'll tell you right now. I'm sold. I wanna invest.

I'm a dad.

I'm really proud of you guys.

Is he crying?

Is that what you want? Nice and wet in here.

Is vagina with a G or a J?

It doesn't reach. What?

It might be your acting.

It was a nice dream while it lasted, but I think

It's a $500,000 order.

It's good to have a gay friend in your group too, you know?

It's heartbreaking what she's been through.

It's in your hand. You were to tape that under the bench.

It's nice to be around a winner.

It's our website. Nickkurtdale. com

It's raining. Who wants it? There's enough to share.

It's time we all go beg for our jobs back.

It's up here. Under the bridge.

Kill Shot is in position.

Later, you idiot. Turn that off. We can't have the gas in here.

Let's be better. Let's try to elevate a little.

Look at your face. Look at his face. Ha, ha.

Look what came. Who wants some tequila?

Love isn't always on time

Man. You should've seen your faces right now...

Maybe it's about never having to work for anybody ever again.

Maybe some alone time would be helpful.

Name me a kidnapping movie...

Nickkurtdale.

No, no, just dip your dick into the toilet.

Not gonna call you that.

Not looking to give up control of the company.

Now it's on my jacket.

Now, did this penis ever, at any point, find its way into your mouth?

Oh

Oh, and then you beat me. Mercilessly.

Oh, boy. Nice house

Oh, boy. This is it

Oh, I thought you were joking

Oh, I'm upside down.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I forgot to call her. Uh, hi, honey.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay. Well, then hold on a second. He's the hostage.

Oh, yeah. It's a good point. Very smart.

Oh.

Okay, I'm just gonna wash my hands.

Okay. You did it again.

Ooh. Checkmate, bitch

Ow.

Please, sit down. Get comfortable. Take a seat.

Please. Mr. Jones? That's my daddy.

Really?

Rex. No call for this MTV showboating. They're aware of their defeat

See you later. Bye bye. That's it.

Shit.

Shit.

Should we send in an unmarked?

So satisfying.

So this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.

Sorry, Rex.

That could work.

That is a lie!

That was so good.

That's a fair question. Everybody's wondering.

That's a gay guy. It's so weird. He didn't bone me like a gay guy.

That's a good one.

That's all I need. I got there. Here we go.

That's great. That is good news.

That's interesting. The way I hear it, you're working with him

That's what's going on

That's worse than what I did. What did I do?

That's your credit picture right there.

The average American... I don't know if you

The Blade has acquired the target.

The gas. Is this the gas?

The only thing that creates wealth is wealth.

Then we call him from the second dark phone, and tell him to proceed downtown.

Then you just fire

There we go.

There. There. There.

Things got broken.

This is a great idea

This is taking too damn long.

This is the wrong way. Turn around. Stop the car

Tight little spandex offering a clear little

Wait a second. That's a fucking great idea.

Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up to the guy's front door.

We almost made the worst decision of our lives.

We got arrested for a long list of felonies

We had a business disagreement.

We want you to know that we are a company you

We'll come back, don't do anything rash.

We'll fucking kill them.

We're not gonna be afraid of an unloaded gun, Rex, you dipshit.

Well, howdy there, partner.

Well, that's good. We can use that

Well, we have several franchise opportunities available in your area.

What is that?

What?

What?

What? What are you talking about?

What's the point of being boss if you can't stock the pond?

Where do we get untraceable phones?

Where you going? Come back here. Come over here. We're going this way.

Who said anything about kidnapping?

Who's having fun, huh?

Why don't we grab the refreshments, coffee? Grab some cookies.

Word.

Yeah, 5 million. One million dollars for you guys, and 4 for me

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, here. This is from an article about bridezillas

You can't fire them because you're not allowed to sleep with them.

You got a real lip on you. I will shoot you in the chest.

You have the right to remain silent, assholes

You make me sick.

You need a ride?

You're friends with him. You introduced me.

You're out of your fucking mind.

You're very forgiving.

You're what's wrong with America. Everyone just wants a handout

Ah, fuck. Fuck

Bed's made. I can't believe this.

Can I get under yours? Hold on to the dashboard.

Can you go on without me? Why don't you wait in the car?

Can you start on Saturday evening? Absolutely.

Cogs? Julia.

Do you really? Yeah.

Dora the Explorer walkie talkies? Awesome.

E mail us the details, that'll be fine. Is that a real thing?

Ever done it in a dentist's chair? I always wanted to nail my dentist.

Everybody out. Son of a bitch.

For the record, I am not racist. You're the best. Thanks.

Get out of the car. Easy.

Hey, can I hop out and piss? No. We're in a car chase.

Hey. Hey, he's not here

Hide, hide, hide. I am fucked.

Holy shit. Lookie there.

How did you find me? Been there a while?

Huh? No, no, no, it's on. No, it's off.

I got it! Sorry, Rex. Sorry.

I got it. I got it. I got it. Where are we?

I say we go back to the office. Mm hm.

I think that's the only way to play it. It makes sense.

I wanna say you did. I didn't

I'm not busted. Drive.

It's dark. Don't think anybody's here. Don't hit it again.

Let's just go in. Be calm and be cool. Shit.

Look who's the predator now, bitch. Wait, Dale. What are you doing?

Look, you're upset and... Oh, shit.

Mm. Why are they on my forehead?

Mr. Rex. Oh, shit.

Nice! Woo hoo! Damn it.

Nick shot that down, if you remember. Yeah. It wasn't a good idea.

Nick, come on. Come on.

No, no, no. You're face. I'm puss.

No. He's kidding.

No. Why are you gonna wash your hands? Huh?

Nope. Give him your watch.

Oh, fuck. What the fuck is that?

Oh, right. That'll work.

Oh, sit down and do it? Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, all taken care of. Shh.

Plan B's got a credit card in it? Come on.

Put it down. If I don't check in, she goes crazy.

Really? That was unexpected and, uh, undeserving.

Shift down. Put it in park

Sir, we have the signal back. Thank God.

Sorry, I always flush. It's all right

Southern, not old prospector. I thought that was pretty good.

That was a sinister giggle. You said it with a sinister giggle.

The wheels are locked. Pump the brakes

The whole rod's too dry, right? Yeah, spit on it.

There's some pay phones at the park here. Okay.

They get that? Yeah, I think so.

They switched pants! Yeah. They got it.

Train! Train! Train! Train!

Turn it off. I'm trying to. It's broken or something.

Water under the bridge. We're super friendly with the guy.

We lost the wire. Shit.

We're back on him, sir. How do you know it's him?

We're not supposed to lose the cops. Don't lose the cops

We're, uh, betting on ourselves

What do you think? I didn't wanna say anything...

What the fuck is that? You said no idea was a bad idea.

What's that you're carrying around? What is that?

Who is this? It's me, dickless.

Who sings that? Badfinger.

Yeah, but the gun's not loaded, right? Of course not. Nobody gets hurt, come on.

Yeah. And they seem happy

Yeah. Let me see.

Yeah. Here we go. Oh, here it comes

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay.

You cannot. Not the game. Okay.

You go on this side. Stop.

You would fight. I will cut a motherfucker in half

You're gonna have chocolate on your face. When we meet this guy...

You're in charge of marker distribution. I know I'm the marker guy.

..

...Dad pulls out with the new red bag, just as he was instructed.

...his lawyers are just gonna file motions and continuances..

...I realized, why take a few of his millions...

...local inventors and entrepreneurs in our Big Idea Spotlight.

...most of your friends are shitheads

...with a gun you stole from my room when you abducted me.