Horrible Bosses (2011) Edit

A couple of fatal accidents we're not even there for.

A dancin' girl

A man can't get any privacy around here.

A Popsicle.

A traffic cam caught this car fleeing the scene of a crime tonight.

A wire? We can do that. That's easy.

Actually, we did later that night when they booked us.

Ah, I love this. So festive.

Ah, that felt good.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. I think I can make out our little friend right there.

Ah. I'll see you Friday, dirty bird.

Ah. That's weirder. Poor child must have been terrified.

Ahh.

All right, I'm gonna put my penis in your pussy, Julia.

All right, let me try this. Look out.

All right, listen, get in here.

All right, look, pay for my drinks.

All right, okay. Let me think. Okay, here's what I'm thinking. Here's my idea.

All right, sit.

All right, take it easy. Call for an ambulance.

All right, today she starts spraying water at my crotch to see the outline of my dick.

All right, you guys are driving a hard bargain.

All right, you know what? You don't put a playground right next to a bar.

All right, you. Let's go say we pump you full of gas, huh?

All right.

All right.

All right. All right, here we go.

All right. Let's see if this thing's working. Oh!

All right. Where do you even find a pay phone these days?

All the way down.

Am I gonna have to give him all my money?

And besides, I'm the guy with the bullet in his leg.

And Dale?

And I might even You know, I might even cross the line a bit.

And I need you in the position you're in.

And I pride myself on being a professional.

And I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it.

And I slipped my fingers...

And I think once she gets a look at these...

And I took all of her money. And it was her week's pay.

And I'll dance on your boobies, and I'll jump up and down on your butt.

And I'll start picking.

And I'll tell you something. They don't miss shit.

And it would have been the perfectjob. If not for one...

And let me tell you something.

And look how hard you've been working.

And please be explicit.

And she died before I made it to the hospital.

And she said that now that we're engaged, she wanted to offer me free dental work.

And tell him to leave his handicap parking pass when he leaves.

And thanks to Stacy...

And that's how I got the name Motherfucker Jones.

And the only thing in my refrigerator is an old lime.

And this guy. Who happens to be working for Pellit Chemicals, the victim's company.

And we'll have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you.

And when I found out, you tried to kill me to shut me up.

And where are you gonna find a hit man?

And you do know that we just wanna start with a ?

Anyway, that's not the point. Point is...

Anyway, with Harken in his new position...

Are all three of you participating in this?

Are we even sure this guy's home?

Are you Dale?

Are you fucking this guy? What were you doing, waiting to fuck my wife?

Are you kidding me? We were being hypothetical.

Are you kidding? You can't change a plan like this

Are you playing this game?

Are you sure?

Are you telling me that I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on?

At first I was surveilling her, like I was asked to do.

Atmand Gregory, uh, play what he said.

Ay.

Beautiful.

Because he parked right in front of a tree. If I lean back, I can't see the house over there.

Because he realized that when you're the boss, sometimes people want you dead.

Because his dickbag of a boss wouldn't let him leave. Right?

Because I am engaged to be married and I love my fiancée, okay?

Because I don't see one shred of evidence that proves that I shot Pellit.

Because I know you sleep around on me.

Because if you so much as look at my sexy little ass, Julia...

Because she didn't take shit from anyone.

Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I'm gonna feel about it.

Because they know everything. Cops are smart.

Because we're mixing pleasure with business. Business and pleasure.

Been in that position for eight years. Why would I stay after being treated like this?

Before this guy supposedly confessed?

Bet he carries a gun you screw together. Those are, like, the coolest guns they make.

Big scoop.

Bobby!

Bottoms up.

Boy, I have to get used to driving with this big, heavy ring on my finger.

Bullshit.

But according to this, you were two minutes late. So either you're a liar...

But all those people are just right outside.

But here's the thing:

But I don't care how bad our bosses are. We're not murderers.

But I needed you to work late because you are an invaluable member of this operation.

But I think, uh, even really saying the word "pussy" is

But I'm not sure I can even consider...

But it doesn't matter to you. You just wanna ride my ass because I'm your son.

But it will be next time, and if it is not...

But since we led the cops to Harken...

But that doesn't matter now, he's in the ground.

But that's why I asked him to help me frame you.

But the last thing that I wanna do is make you uncomfortable.

But the real reason I'm here is this guy:

But this time it wasn't my fault, I swear to God.

But, um, I don't know if it's a good idea, sweetie.

Bye, baby.

Calm down!

Can I come out now, please?

Can I use your toilet? I stored up rather a large amount of pee for this.

Can we give him a time out? For one second.

Can we move on? Let's talk about what happened to Pellit.

Can't believe we weren't prepared.

Chances are, he's not home. I haven't seen any activity in this house

Colander would be good.

Come in.

Come inside. Close that door. Hurry.

Come on, man!

Come on, what are you ?

Come on.

Come on. That's not nice, okay? Look, your problem's solved.

Come on. You know what? I'll hit the three of you at the same time.

Come on. You're thinking of Throw Momma From the Train.

Confront him like that.

Cool name. Yeah. Is that, like, on your birth certificate too?

Could be a kiwi. No way to tell.

Could that happen?

Could you do the, uh...?

Creating a finger web in front of your face. Is that ? Is that like a camouflage?

Cut him off. Second.

Dale, I'm gonna deal with you right here behind my knee.

Dale! Don't touch anything. Get your hands off that.

Dale? Dude, hold it. Last time the three of us did this, it was very messy.

Dale.

Damn right. I'm talking about Canada or Mexico.

Dave. Dave, what are you ? Honey?

Dean Jones. Same name of the actor in Herbie, the Love Bug.

Decision is yours. You can phone a friend, ask the audience, fifty fifty.

Details? I'm in a car with people. Now is not a good time for details.

Did I tell you that Harken tricked me into having a drink at 8:00 this morning?

Did you ever see that show Gossip Girl?

Did you just do the catchphrase?

Didn't even need a briefcase. It's a small stack.

Didn't think I had to punch a clock with you.

Didn't work out. We need your help.

Discreet. No children, no political figures."

Do I get your neck?

Do I look like I fucking care?

Do the math. One loses the job or three loses it.

Do you have a parking space? Because I'm gonna take it away from you.

Do you have MDMA? I'll suck your d

Do you hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that?

Do you wanna explain why you were doing 61 in a 25 zone...

Do you want it in something specific, a shoebox, duffel bag?

Doesn't shower with it.

Don't call the cops. They're already after us.

Don't forget about that guy.

Don't judge. I have a thing with my boss. It's none of your business.

Don't say a word. I know, I know.

Don't walk around thinking you have free will because you don't.

Don't want this guy knowing where we live.

Drop the gun! On your knees!

Dude, I just met your wife. You want your thing back?

Eating them in that weird order? Not a proper meal.

Enough out of you already today. My dad...

EnviroTech Waste Management. It's costing us a lot of money.

Even if you pull it off perfectly...

Evens are over here.

Everybody was kung fu fighting

Everybody was kung fu fighting

Everyone knows the movie. That's not the point. You tricked us, Motherfuck

Exactly. Five thousand dollars well spent, right?

Excavator.

Excuse me? Officers?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Da da da.

Failed brakes, gas leaks, suicide.

Fine. So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her.

Finger flage. It's called finger flage.

Finger flage. This is actually a pretty damn good idea, dude.

Five forty with the briefcase.

Five thousand forty with the briefcase.

For an extra hundred, I'll let you guys pool your mayonnaise...

For months you've been hinting I was in line for that promotion.

Forty bucks a piece. We'll do it right here in the bathroom.

Four stars wrapped around your stick, pop the thumb, nick the top. Nick the top.

Frankly, I always thought it was, uh, weird, it was gay.

From now on, I'm gonna call you Ahmenan.

From what I hear, people say he's the nicest guy in the world.

Fuck me.

Fuck that. The Bolivians are gonna do it for a third of the price.

Fuck this. I'm out. I don't need this job. So goodbye, I'm quitting. I'm done.

Fuck, me too.

Fucker!

Gentlemen, ahem, we are free men.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are you talking about?

Get down, get down. Hey, hey! Get off of her.

Get him fucking home.

Get him to confess to the murder while you're wearing a wire.

Get off me! Come on, hey!

Get on the couch. Stop helping.

Get out of the car, all of you. Come on. Come on.

Get out.

Get out.

Get something to Ugh. I'll scoop it in.

Getting locked out of the car is bullshit, man.

Give it to me.

Give me that again.

Give me that.

Glad none of us know who the shooter is.

Go backwards. Go backwards. See? They found your poop brush.

God, he would have drenched us.

God, that hurts so much.

Goddamn it! God, I hate that!

Goddamn you! That's it, okay? You know what? That's crossing the line.

Going to school, changing fields, starting from the bottom. Who wants to do that?

Gonna put that "briefcabe" up my ass.

Good evening, Mr. Buckman.

Good movie. That's what you're thinking about.

Good Will Hunting rip. Instead of saying "apples" he said "nipples."

Good.

Good. Friday. See you Friday.

Got some extra, maybe throw my way?

Gotta be from a pay phone, though, so it's not traced back to us.

Gotta be smart. Find out where they live, find out their habits. What's their hobbies?

Gregory, I thought you were our fucking friend, man!

Guess who.

Ha, ha. Yeah, not a model.

Handies for the Three Musketeers.

Hang on a second, something doesn't stack up quite right with this, all right?

Hang on, you guys already went ahead and found someone and he's coming here?

Hang on. Wouldn't it be awful if it was traceable back to us?

Harken is allergic to peanuts and Pellit's got a huge stash of cocaine.

Harken.

Harken's in jail, Pellit's in hell, Julia's had the crazy fucked out of her...

Have a nice day. Good day to you.

Have you any, uh, roofies?

Have you ever in your life seen this much co ?

Have you ever seen this much cocaine?

He charges so much we can't afford it, gets pissed, kills us.

He confessed everything, now he's getting his gun.

He creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special secret chair.

He did say 10:00, right?

He doesn't work here because he had a horrible accident in our warehouse.

He had a heart attack.

He had a little allergy shot on him and I

He had an allergic reaction to some peanuts and I rescued him, know what I mean?

He is, definitely. That's why he's being extra evil.

He loves me and I love him. Everybody loves him.

He might be looking for your brother now, you know.

He said he shot him twice...

He shot him? Wait, what's going on? I don't understand. He shot him?

He won't know who that is.

He's a total fucking asshole.

He's at Pellit's? Why?

He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?

He's gone off on his own. This is our chance.

He's just gonna fire everybody.

He's just signing for these packages. Thank you.

He's not a monster. He's a great guy who worked for us for many, many years.

He's right here in this room.

Hello, lover.

Hello.

Here we go.

Here's what I don't understand.

Here's what we'll do. In the event that Harken is not here, just me and Kurt go in.

Hey, are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock, Dale?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey! Come here!

Hey, schmuckface.

Hey, take this. I don't want it. I want my hands free.

Hey, uh, does anyone here kill people for money?

Hey! Come on, man. I thought I told you to stay out of here.

Hey! What are you guys doing?

Hey.

Hey. I'm outside. You ready to do a little recon?

Hi, can I help you?

Hi. Who are you?

Hit the button. Hit the button.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hold on.

Hold that thought, I'm missing my friend Kurt.

Holy shit. Did you guys see me out there?

Holy shit. He went out the door.

Holy shit. Pellit opened up the door, Harken shot him in the chest...

Honey, you should be thanking this young man. Why are you being so suspicious?

Hospital bills, Larry Murinsky.

Hour later we find the car. You happened to be hanging with this freaky motherfucker.

How about I give you guys some hand jobs?

How about I go in my house and I get my ?

How about you go fuck yourself? No refunds.

How cool was that?

How do people let you work on their teeth?

How do you get Gregory from that?

How may I be of service this evening?

How you feeling, you good?

How you got this fucking job, I don't even understand.

How you like them nipples?

How'd you get the name Motherfucker?

How's the hair? Is it good, is it great? It's not as bad as his, is it?

However, I will only be taking 85 percent of the additional salary I am entitled to...

Hypothetically, if we could do it and none of us get caught, would you guys do it?

I accidentally inhaled some cocaine.

I actually meant to call your home phone.

I admit it.

I always gave the same answer.

I appreciate the opportunity you've given me. I won't let you down.

I bet you're no shrimp in the cock department, huh, there, Dale?

I broke a rock.

I can crush you any time I want.

I can't even get a job waiting tables.

I can't get another job.

I can't live in Mexico. I mean, I can't handle the food.

I can't tape this to my chest. I have hair on chest.

I can't wait to hear this.

I can't walk around in this fucking neighborhood with that Disney ass name.

I cannot believe I let you talk me into this whole thing. I cannot believe it.

I cannot believe my wife invited you.

I could direct you to a neighborhood...

I didn't know it was your birthday. What's he doing?

I didn't make it in.

I didn't mean to. It was more of a saying. "Might have been a minute late."

I didn't realize I had to tell you every time I wanna take a dump.

I didn't sign that form, by the way, so she has to come back.

I do my part. I do other people's parts.

I don't care if the wind blew it out of your twat.

I don't even know your names.

I don't get it, man. On TV, surveillance always looks fun, right?

I don't have it all figured out. I got some of it figured out.

I don't have money for a lawyer. I bought a very expensive ring I can't afford...

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what you're doing with your hand.

I don't know why you're mad at the car. I don't think we should get hostile now.

I don't know. He's walking right up to the front door.

I don't know. Maybe you're right. It is a little hard to imagine killing her now.

I don't really have a good angle from here because there's that tree.

I don't understand why you guys don't quit.

I don't want an assassin in my apartment.

I don't want my money going to support monsters.

I don't win a lot.

I feel like everything'll work out. I'm like a machine. Look how fast I am.

I feel the intel

I feel we should've got a cheese plate for this guy.

I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, I broke a nail.

I followed you into a house after you broke into it.

I found out they murdered someone. They tried to shut me up.

I freaked out and panicked, got out of there.

I get to work before the sun comes up and I leave long after it's gone down.

I got a better idea. I'm gonna tell the cops that you killed Pellit.

I got his contacts, schedule. Weird pictures of him doing awesome shit.

I got it, I got it.

I got it.

I got six bullets in this gun.

I got six bullets in this gun.

I got this whole thing figured out.

I got you. First thing first, we gotta handle business.

I gotta get out of here before somebody sees me. Meet me at the bar. I'll call Kurt.

I gotta go. But listen, if you guys change your mind...

I guess we'll be miserable for the rest of our lives? That's the deal?

I had no idea that you called your grandmother "Gam Gam."

I had no idea that you called your grandmother "Gam Gam."

I hate that angle.

I have a job, you know? What's that, surveillance and recon?

I haven't had sex in six months with someone other than myself.

I just got back from doing a dime for some real nasty shit.

I just make a lot less money.

I just want you all to know that I am just as shocked and angered as you all are.

I killed Pellit.

I know that sounds weird.

I know you can do better than that.

I know, but sometimes on some streets evens are on the opposite side.

I know. I've been thinking the same thing.

I know. That was before Julia tried to fuck me on top of Stacy's unconscious body.

I know. You don't have to announce that to the world.

I like the way you think. Move.

I liked it.

I love my job.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

I loved working for him, you know? It was, like, awesome.

I mean, I don't know. What happened?

I mean, I jabbed him with that, but I was just saving his life.

I mean, I work for the Antichrist.

I mean, it's just not professional. You know?

I mean, look, we're all part of the same team here.

I might throw up a couple times in the toilet here, but then I'll meet you there.

I need a shower.

I never murdered anybody.

I never said that.

I own you.

I pay 19 bucks a month for this fucking service.

I really don't wanna touch it. I don't have sleeve gloves.

I saved you with your thingy. It was incredible.

I see there's an Applebee's three blocks from your location.

I should kill Harken for not letting me say goodbye to Gam Gam?

I should mention that it is Nav Guide policy...

I smell alcohol.

I think he said he pisses on dudes.

I think he's definitely out.

I think he's okay! I hit him with this. Do you know him?

I think we got him. Ha, ha. We got him good.

I think what happened, ahem, was that the wind blew it out of my hand.

I told you I needed to see her because she was very sick.

I told you, these guys are liars. They cannot be trusted.

I urinate on other men for money.

I walked right up to his door, I put a gun in his chest and I shot him.

I want a lollipop. Do you like karaoke?

I want all of you forever, you and me, every day

I want you to give me details, you pussy.

I wanted to be a husband.

I was drag racing.

I was just speaking hypothetically, you know.

I was just trying to be polite.

I was making love. I was making love to a woman.

I was making the high six figures, and now, ha, I can't even pay for this fucking drink.

I was taking a piss at night, there were no kids.

I was thinking perhaps we could drill the patient first.

I was thinking that. On account of the dust.

I wasn't stabbing anyone.

I watched an episode last night.

I will alert the authorities and direct them to your location.

I will find out if there are.

I will go up and down on you...

I will. I think I will.

I work for this guy, David Harken...

I work with your husband. We're late.

I would fucking murder those Lehman Brothers if I could.

I'd get ****d just as much as you would, Kurt.

I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states.

I'll be at my mom's.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

I'll be down in three minutes.

I'll be in the car.

I'll be right there, Mr. Harken.

I'll break through the wall of the office that would have been the Senior VP's...

I'll dance on your boobies, and jump up and down on your butt.

I'll just attribute this to your drinking problem.

I'll stake her out tomorrow and get to the bottom of it.

I'll stop bringing it up.

I'll tell you what though.

I'm a pharmacist, not a doctor.

I'm a sucker. Harken wasn't gonna promote me.

I'm afraid our listings are not organized by danger, sir.

I'm always curious about these things, but is your real name Gregory?

I'm an account manager at a chemical company. I'll tell you, the job has its perks.

I'm coked out of my fucking brain. I'll punch whoever the fuck I want to.

I'm doing Pellit, you're gonna do Harken, and you'll get some intel from Julia, right?

I'm done with this conversation. You're paying for dinner because you've upset me.

I'm feeling good, dude. Wanna help me clean?

I'm getting a call. I gotta get this. Hello?

I'm going to take a very nice, very expensive...

I'm gonna be your murder consultant.

I'm gonna call you Gregory, that name's a nightmare.

I'm gonna give you a call tomorrow, I'm gonna tell you where to meet me.

I'm gonna go to Julia's house, maybe I'll slash her up...

I'm gonna hit you again, okay?

I'm gonna make you feel good. You know?

I'm gonna need you to follow us to the station.

I'm gonna put my stuff down.

I'm gonna tell her you fucked me.

I'm having my teeth whitened Tuesday. You have to get your work done by Monday...

I'm in. Let's kill this bitch!

I'm just trying to get you to do your part, son. It's not easy times.

I'm Kurt, by the way. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself at the door.

I'm moving super fast. I can't even feel my nose.

I'm not a murderer.

I'm not gonna argue. Let's continue the recon.

I'm not gonna play by their rules anymore.

I'm not gonna run anything by you. Dickhead.

I'm not playing with you.

I'm not toying with you. I'm gonna take care of it. I'm gonna take care of it.

I'm on the registered sex offender list, yes.

I'm pushing on it. Okay.

I'm so sorry, but I couldn't keep it together! It's amazing!

I'm sorry I hit you! Get the wheel.

I'm sorry you didn't get to say bye bye to Gam Gam.

I'm sorry, but, uh....

I'm sorry, guys. Didn't make it in.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You are one cold, heartless bastard, Buckman.

I'm sort of tired of you toying with my emotions.

I'm sure you would, but there's none because that would be stupid of us.

I'm the opposite of gay. Now, come on. What do you say?

I'm this close to getting a big promotion with my own office.

I'm your boss. And there's gonna be some changes around here.

I've been looking for work for the last two years.

I've been looking through the books. You're the accountant. Tell me...

I've been waiting to get in there for a while.

I've decided to absorb the responsibilities...

I've just learned that Kurt has fired our dear friend Hank here.

I've realized if you wanna get something done right, you gotta do it yourself.

If he has his way, he's gonna end up killing thousands of innocent Bolivians.

If he knew who the shooter was and didn't tell us...

If Nick and I were in prison, who do you think would get ****d more?

If one evil person dies for the greater good, so be it.

If one of us knew, you know, who the shooter was...

If that's the case, I'm gonna have to fire Thomas, our longtime security coordinator.

If the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss's...

If there's anything I can do to help out before the baby gets here, let me know.

If you ask me, anyone who hates theirjob has no one to blame but themself.

If you could get to the end...?

If you don't fuck me, I'm gonna tell her that you fucked me.

If you kill two, could we get the third one hold the cheese?

In a Prius?

In and out, in and out. We'll find something good, and we're in and out of here.

In five seconds, your heart gonna be in the wrong place.

In front of her window with the lights on.

In my office, now.

In the butt you go, go, go.

In the butt you go, go, go.

In the flesh, boys. In the flesh.

In you go.

Is that my brain? Take my temperature.

Is that what you think?

Is the briefcase coming out of your end?

It ain't my bag. I thought it was a little bit weird...

It could work. An anonymous tip, that's not bad.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

It is his boss. I mean, he's the one who's going to get recognized.

It is now.

It is standard Nav Guide protocol...

It probably would be Nick.

It was a pretty big investment so I should be the one who does the tape recording.

It was an empty playground in the middle of the night.

It was some nasty shit, but does that mean I murdered somebody?

It wasn't cool at all. We come out to gather information...

It's 18 year old Scotch.

It's 8:15 a.m.

It's a good kind of panic because I feel like I wanna die...

It's a greatjob, I got a solid raise and I'm actually my own boss.

It's about weakness and vulnerability. It's not a looks thing.

It's amazing. Come here and help me with this.

It's cold to hot.

It's easy for someone to think Pellit got a bad batch of cocaine.

It's funny how he gets all over my ass if I'm a minute late, but then he makes us wait 15.

It's gonna be really hard.

It's like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole.

It's like you don't care about this company at all.

It's no negotiations. Thirty large or nothing.

It's not like we're gonna actually kill our bosses.

It's not murder if it's justified. Justifiable homicide, right?

Jab it in your chest. Okay. I got you, dude. Ready?

Jack Pellit, my boss. The sweetest man I know.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, Harken just shot Pellit.

Jesus, Dale. It's a murder, not a cocktail party.

Jesus, how many cats do they have?

Jesus.

Jesus. Where does this guy get the energy?

JONES:...into her purse. Purse? He said "purse."

Julia is ruining your life, you know? That's wrong.

Julia, I'm not gonna sleep with you.

Julia, shut the fuck up for a second, all right?

Julia, this is my good friend, Kenny Sommerfeld.

Julia, you needed to see me? Oh, shit.

Julia.

Julia's the only one who'd hire me. Are you registered sex offenders?

Just Just waiting.

Just a cat. We're all right. Let's look upstairs. Come on.

Just I'm waiting for, you know, Pellit to sleep or leave or....

Just put it in your pocket. Not gonna tape it to his chest.

Just recon, now, okay?

Just relax there, Jodie Foster.

Just roll up your window. Please, I can't I can't

Just take one quick look around, make sure.

Just you wait.

Kenny Sommerfeld, you were voted "Most Likely to Succeed," weren't you?

Kenny, I had no idea it was that bad, buddy.

Knock a little louder?

Know who thinks you're a pussy? My friend Kurt. Let me grab him.

Kurt. Dead men.

Kurt's DNA's all over the apartment because he shoved a toothbrush up his ass.

Law & Order, okay? You can learn stuff watching Law & Order.

Let me tell you something, you stupid little runt.

Let's

Let's call it a honeymoon, all right? And you are gonna pay for it.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Let's do this, guys. Feeling good.

Let's follow a strange guy into a dark corner.

Let's go in there. Let's go. Let's do it.

Let's go.

Let's go. Come on. Dale.

Let's have sex on top of her. Let's use her like a bed.

Let's just look for an address book or a day planner or something. You know?

Life is a marathon, and you cannot win a marathon...

Like a real cat burglar.

Line them up, and I would put one bullet through the three of their heads.

Listen to us for one second. He confessed to killing Pellit.

Listen, $5000 is mine. I don't care what you say.

Listen, if you think we're gonna believe that this is all just a big coincidence...

Literally, uh, truthfully, was two minutes late.

Look at me. I know what I'm doing down there. Nobody will ever know.

Look at this place. It's awful. It's like a douchebag museum.

Look at this.

Look, careful.

Look, Dale, you know, I know that I like to fool around at work. Right?

Look, I know you and my dad were pals.

Look, I know you really hate Harken but...

Look, I wasn't thinking, okay? I'm sorry.

Look, I'm really kind of not in the mood for this.

Look, if you want a promotion, you gotta earn it.

Look, sweetie, everybody's here.

Look, that is not what we talked about, Motherfucker.

Look, you don't go into a bar and hand a guy $5000 just because he black.

Looking for a bar filled with criminals. Lowlife thugs, hard core shitheads.

Looks like I'm getting that promotion after all. Yeah.

Looks like it's all there.

Looks pretty quiet, yeah?

Make up your fucking mind. It's like

Man, I can't go to jail. Look at me. I'll get ****d like crazy.

Man, I'm a small business owner. Who the hell you calling disenfranchised?

Margie's waiting. You nearly done in there?

May have been a minute late.

Maybe don't quit your job.

Maybe I should have been dancing on her boobs, huh?

Maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.

Maybe we can find a way in upstairs.

Maybe we should get three chairs and all spin around at the same time.

Maybe you should have.

Me too.

Meanwhile, she's fucking every guy in the neighborhood.

Meanwhile, the Pellit family put the most senior person in charge of the company...

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

Mm mm.

Mm.

Morning, everyone. So I have finally decided...

Most boys wanna be firehouse chiefs or personal trainers...

Most killers are first timers.

Most Likely to Succeed.

Most people.

Motherfucker Jones.

Mr. Motherfucker, please, don't shoot us. Let's just talk it out.

Mr. Sherman, I'm hungry!

Mr. Sherman, I'm sorry your coffee was cold.

My boss was murdered?

My digestion alone I'll probably die.

My dong?

My grandmother came to this country with $20 in her pocket.

My heart's in the right place.

My man.

My man.

My real name is Dean.

My, uh, stomach was bothering me. Had to use the bathroom.

Need me to tell you when I pee pee?

n****es say "fuckah."

Never have and they never will. There it is, 428.

Never.

Next thing, she starts deliberately undressing.

Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt!

Nick didn't tell me his boss was married to a model.

Nick, come on.

Nick, it's 8:15 in the morning. I'm not an alcoholic.

Nick! Nick, Nick, talk to me. Nick, what's happening?

Nick? Say something. Nick, say something.

Nick.

Nick.

Nine.

No fucking shit I don't care about this company. This is just an ATM to me.

No way, Motherfucker. No.

No, because they're gonna want my letter of recommendation, right?

No, goofball.

No, Gregory, they think we murdered someone, all right? Do not call the cops.

No, I think I've waited long enough, Dale.

No, it's not a race thing.

No, Margie's not fat, she's pregnant. I'm not gonna fire her.

No, Nick, motivating.

No, no, no. You're disgusting. Go home. I don't want you getting anyone else sick.

No, no, they don't suspect him.

No, no. God, no. I took her invitation to fuck her as an invitation to fuck her.

No, no. Of course not, no. Let's move past that.

No, of course not. No, I wanted to open it.

No.

No.

No. Goddamn it.

No. He would be entitled to some jail time.

No. I Who you calling?

No. I dreamed of being on a beach with a model serving me tropical drinks.

No. No!

No. Nothing's gonna jump out. I'm just a FedEx girl.

No. We just brought you in for questioning.

Nobody fucks my wife!

Nobody's doing that, you're gonna love it. You two, I'm gonna rock you.

Nordic style. You know what they're saying right now?

Not a very good negotiator.

Not good. Get us out of here! Get us out of here!

Not in the mood for what?

Not in the office. This is bad.

Not Motherfucker. Motherfuckah. White people say "er."

Not naked, Dale.

Not really my style.

Not yet.

Nothing for you?

Nothing. But before we go, I wanna take one more dump.

Nothing's happening behind your back. Trust me."

Now his shitbag son's gonna be in charge and it's like

Now I'm sneezing dust bunnies. Is that diabetes?

Now, before we go any further...

Now, here's what's gonna happen, okay?

Now, I always admired dentists.

Now, I heard you moved to New York, you're working at Lehman Brothers.

Now, I know you've been working your tail off for that promotion.

Now, Kenny here, he'll do just about anything for 50 bucks.

Now, what do I keep saying?

Of course, he's my husband. Sweetie? Honey? Sweetheart, are you okay?

Officer.

Oh, and by the way, I still will want my $200.

Oh, boy, that's gonna get me done.

Oh, boy. That's five grand worth, huh?

Oh, boy. What people?

Oh, gosh, do I wish I could have sex with Julia.

Oh, here's an idea.

Oh, I blew it. I blew that, didn't I?

Oh, I give a fuck some tribesman gets cancer. Cry me a fucking river.

Oh, I got it! What do I do? What do I do?

Oh, Kenny.

Oh, my God, sweetie. He saved your life.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I cannot believe how much this sucks.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry, man. I know you guys were close.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, no. I should do this.

Oh, no. What?

Oh, peanuts.

Oh, please. Come on, Stacy, it's my pleasure.

Oh, shit, the brakes. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry. Don't punch the driver, Dale!

Oh, shit! It's a tape recorder!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shut up about the briefcase.

Oh, sweetie, I am just so grateful that he was here. You could have died.

Oh, there she goes.

Oh, Toyota.

Oh, we should hide. Everybody, come on in.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Oh, why not?

Oh, wow. What were you doing at his house, Nick? Why were you there?

Oh, yeah, I guess that's a good point. Maybe the mall.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you want one?

Oh!

Oh! Goddamn it.