Eastbound & Down - Season 1 Edit

A humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it...

A little wet in my pussy.

A lot of people ask me, "Kenny Powers, you're a giant star...

A lot of people, Dustin. That's the bat I hit my only home run with.

A lot of you motherfuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is.

A man fights and fights and then fights some more.

A perfect pitch.

A rubber for your mouth

A stork wrapped around a tree branch.

A true champion faces his enemies and he conquers them.

Absolutely untested, and he's run the count full...

Actually, I think he's in training...

All right, back up, back up. Get away

All right, boys.

All right, cool dudes.

All right, everybody, show's over.

All right, everybody, who wants to meet Kenny Powers?

All right, fine. We'll lower the price of the bat...

All right, fuck him. So here we go, guys

All right, here we are

All right, I got time for one more. Timid kid.

All right, it's up here on the left

All right, let me get this straight. I'm gonna pay for a blow job..

All right, now, I want this stuff categorized, inventorized...

All right, Stevie Janowski.

All right, well, I'm gonna split because I got priors...

All right! Kenny Powers is here, everyone!

All right. Fly as I say fly.

All right. I'll drive you there and you can find your way back.

All the profits go toward Phillip's hospital bills.

An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python..

And a blowjob.

And a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour...

And besides, it's not just for my protection. [ R ]

And can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream?

And can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream?

And Cassie, do not stare at me with those dead eyes, you Church bitch...

And I got something I wanna say.

And I think it would make this night a grand success.

And I think it'll only cost you 2 grand.

And I'll just stand over here.

And I'm probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull ups or pushups you do.

And I'm very upset with how I'm acting right now!

And I've killed people.

And it's actually kind of cool. You can negotiate practically anything.

And it's not an insult to the talent that you had...

And my ass ain't no pussy.

And not in a "just to make me come" kind of way

And Powers kicks his glove.

And sometimes, even just do stuff in the moment...

And that is why I'm here today to tell you all...

And that's fucking sad, man.

And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact.

And the crowd goes crazy

And the one thing a champion does not do is fucking quit.

And then the highest bid wins.

And then we got Mr. Nesbitt, our drama teacher,

And there's a long fly ball. It is way back there.

And this dick..

And you're trying to lure costumers in with a caveman spinning a sign around

Another part is staying strong and fit.

Any comments on the steroid allegations?

Any one thing. Choose wisely.

Anyone who wouldn't pay that price is a fucking idiot.

Anything at all.

Anyway, so besides getting shot in the back of the head...

April Buchanon, she works at the...

April, are you asking me to this dance?

April, I gotta come clean, babe.

April, you never told me you dated Kenny Powers.

April!

April.

Are you asking me to this dance?

Are you crying?

Are you nervous tonight? You feel a lot of emotions?

Are you okay? Because you're sweating a lot

Are you ready to learn some next level shit?

Ask anybody out there...

At least for the rest of the year.

Atlanta, you're fucking out.

Back in the spotlight, man.

Basically give shit away. ...so people can just go for the... For...

Because at the last moment, I decided not to.

Because I know.

Because I told Dustin... Look, I can't talk with you... [ R ]

Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.

Behave yourselves

Behold, gentleman.

Besides, I just need a little TLC.

Besides, man, that can help your family, it can help pay for bills.

Bottom of the ninth inning, Game 7, bases loaded, two out...

Bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.

Bullshit. You're engaged? Yeah, right. Who are you engaged to?

But don't ask me to trust them, even nuns, because every pair of tits...

But I'm a little concerned about your bill of health. [ R ]

But I'm also a businessman.

But I'm not gonna stop yelling because then that'll mean I lost the fight.

But in order to be a standout, an all star, a champion...

But sometimes when you bring the thunder...

But sometimes when you try to dump the smaller ones...

But the most he is...

But then you take a little time off from being unstoppable...

But turns out they're nothing compared to these fags you got in San Francisco

But you'll help this fucking needle dick Caldwell.

But... Of course, you already know Ms. Buchanon.

Bye, Kenny.

Bye, Kenny. Bye, Kenny Powers.

Call a janitor.

Can we go to Ashley Schaeffer BMW first?

Cassandra, get up.

Cassandra!

Cassie, can I ask you a question? Hypothetical.

Cassie, get up.

Cassie, I know how the fuck eBay works. What I wanna know is how much.

Cassie, I'm talking about how much. How much for you? What's your commish?

Class, do we want the principal of the school...

Clearance sale.

Clegg!

Clegg!

Clegg!

Clegg!

Clegg!

Coach Booth died this morning. They're not sure, but they think...

Coach Booth says after back surgery, he has to go to rehab.

Come on, it's a simple motion, just like that.

Come on, it's been that long, huh?

Come on, man. You know people.

Come on, you wanna give me a ride? Wanna be my personal chauffeur tonight?

Come on.

Come on. I don't have that kind of money. Just sell me one ball. That's all I need.

Come on. These people wanna see a show and I don't wanna be embarrassed.

Cutty, what do you need, bro?

D Ball, what are you doing, man?

Damn, it's cold

Did the damn zero key get stuck, honey? Good Lord.

Did you fall and bump your head?

Did you take one of those black beauties?

Did... I was surprised...

Didn't turn out too bad. You know, I'm sober now.

Do as I say do. Master and commander.

Do you know how many pitchers hit home runs in the majors?

Do you recognize my essence?

Do you still have that ecstasy?

Do you think he's okay?

Doesn't mean that you've been forgotten or weren't any good.

Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?

Don't be late for school.

Don't go, baby.

Don't put yourself through something with him.

Don't read the readout. That's my own private information

Don't rev my shit. I'm trying to do something serious here.

Don't tell me what to do.

Don't try to tell my warriors what to do.

Drivers don't drive you there and then drive off.

Dude, I'm so sorry about splitting with your truck the other night, man

Dude, it ain't happening, man. Come on.

Dude, it's time to roll! Come on!

Dustin, I know it is our Christ given duty to help out family...

Dustin, this "junk" is the answer to all our prayers, man.

Each of these balls were thrown by this fucking hand..

Easy. I don't play games like that.

Every fucking one of them, even the ugly as shit ones.

Everyone wanted a piece of my shit.

Example A:

Excuse me for being a fucking businessman, Dustin.

Excuse me, students, for this morning announcement.

Fill out the form completely.

Finally, motherfucker.

Finally...

Find a bar and get shitfaced, huh?

Fine.

Fine. [ R ]

First off, Kenny Powers walks into my showroom.

Five thousand dollars?

Four fucking years. How about that?

From this moment on, you guys are no longer little kids.

Fuck that noise. I can't do anything tonight.

Fuck this, fuck all you people.

Fuck yeah, it would be nice. I will be generous with my wealth.

Fuck you, asshole!

Fuck you, Clegg, I'm just talking.

Fuck you, Kenny! You piece of shit!

Fuck, dude, an assistant.

Fucking awesome!

Fucking burning this motherfucking house down.

Funny thing.

Funny you ask. You obviously have an eye for quality.

Gatorade is still trying to get a piece. The IRS up in my shit.

Get it for the price that was higher?

Get it off of me!

Get me paid, bitch.

Get up!

Get your ass down right now!

Give me that toilet paper, Kenny.

Give me that, motherfucker.

Gives me a little charge. That's so fun.

Go back to sleep, Dustin.

Go! Get!

God's taking a dump on my face. The love of my life doesn't want to have sex with me...

Goddamn it, Kenny, I'm brushing my teeth

Good Lord.

Good luck selling these stupid fucking cars. I'm not helping you.

Good morning, Kenny

Good morning, students...

Got a dental dam in the glove compartment of my truck.

Had to be the worst first date ever. In my life

Have him make shipments of the Kobe beef to Louis.

He doesn't do this all the time.

He drives me around when I get shit hammered.

He gets a dance?

He looks like a big bag full of mashed up asshole.

He runs Happy Farms, an organic beef distributor.

He threw a perfect pitch?

He wants in the big game, and so do I. He's my competition.

He was a champion wrestler in high school, and I'm not making that up.

He's got doo doo and chocolate over his hands, ruining my handlebars.

He's got no showmanship, no personal pizzazz.

He's one of our students here. He has brain cancer.

He's with me. Don't bust balls.

Hell with that. Smoke that fool.

Hell, it might even be enough to get you into the majors.

Hell, no, Tracy. Get out, get out. Get the fuck out of here.

Hell, no!

Hello, school, can you hear me? They can hear me?

Hello?

Her name is Rose

Here, let me pull one up.

Here's what I need you to do. Call Kevin Nakashi in Seattle.

Hey, April, I'm gonna hit the stationary bike.

Hey, Caldwell.

Hey, Cassie.

Hey, everybody really turned it out for Phillip tonight, don't you think?

Hey, fuck you, Kenny!

Hey, guys, bring the fucking ape in here.

Hey, has the petty cash come through yet?

Hey, hey, hey. You know you're not gonna get paid if you walk out of here.

Hey, hit me up with that Texas toast there, bro.

Hey, May 11th, save the date...

Hey, you're never gonna believe who's sitting in front of me.

Hey.

Hilarious. This guy was the most ruthless one.

Hold on to your dick!

Holy shit, I knew that was you.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Honest, just straight.

Hop off there, Blond Ambition Tour!

How about 200 bucks?

How about I show you my balls and you can tell me if they shrunk?

How about this: Roll it on the ground, pretend like it's a bowling ball?

How about you get the paperwork started? I'm gonna stay here and catch up with April

How about you throw the ball, all right?

How do you know?

How does somebody manage to get ambushed on a Jet Ski?

How long is that gonna be?

How many times do I gotta tell you?

How much will y'all give me if I slam dunk this thing...

How's that? Am I out of your peripheral?

I accept your offer.

I always thought it was a shame how things turned out for you.

I am. I'm taking it.

I brought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray...

I brought my glove and it'd mean a lot.

I can roll with that. Well, April, since you're so concerned...

I can stand to lose four, maybe five pounds to get back in practical game condition.

I can't open myself up to that.

I can't pay 400 bucks for that shit.

I can't sell one. It's part of a set.

I cancelled it. I'm not an ape.

I could use somebody like you.

I decided to go for that birdbath your dad put in there just...

I don't appreciate your tone with me. Cassie, fantastic idea

I don't know about the dick, though.

I don't know anything about a chaperon list. What is that?

I don't know if I appreciate how this conversation's turning, son.

I don't know if you've met everybody yet, or not.

I don't know much about those guys. I never got into them much.

I don't know that many folks that...

I don't know what that means, Cassie.

I don't know why you're being a bitch. I'm trying to make my life better.

I don't know. I guess they jumped them and rode off with it.

I don't know. Sounds a little fishy.

I don't know. That depends. Were you driving?

I don't mean to break up the good time here, but I just saw two boys raping a sixth grader.

I don't need you going fucking maverick on me

I don't tell you what to do with your money, don't tell me what to do with mine, okay?

I don't think we're gonna open a credit card account for you...

I don't want sweat and little kid fingerprints on it

I feel 110 percent. Ready to move some BMWs tonight!

I feel that America is the best country...

I forget to tell you. I'm... I'm engaged now.

I fucking do.

I got my major in art, not psychology. You know, I don't know what to tell this kid.

I got Polynesian sauce all over my fingers from eating these goddamn egg rolls.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

I guess Kenny Powers ain't what he used to be.

I hate swimming.

I hate to break this to you, you arrogant piece of shit.

I have a knife! I have a knife!

I heard that bullshit thrown at me all my damn life.

I hurt my nose.

I insist upon you using some sort of protection.

I just feel like it'll be stupid if I drive myself, because I'm famous.

I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions...

I just push the fucking button? Oh, they can hear me right now?

I just so happen to see more in you, Kenny.

I knew we were wasting our time coming down here, Kenny.

I know all there is to know. Just ask my second wife, Tina.

I know I shouldn't use that word, but that's how I feel right now, man.

I know my past is more valuable than 7 bucks.

I know the last few years have been tough. But come on, man.

I know you don't remember me.

I know you.

I know, dude. It's so good to see you. We may be here now, but we were free

I like how you work.

I love women. I'll take that as a compliment

I love you too.

I love you, April.

I mean, dude, that could be just the fucking key.

I mean, he drew a pentagram made of penises.

I mean, I don't remember you having this one.

I mean, I thought they tested pretty hardcore for that shit.

I mean, maybe it is fated that you are here on this earth...

I mean, maybe this is fate. You know?

I mean, my mind's still blown you got three kids.

I mean, these kids could benefit from having a star athlete such as yourself around..

I mean, who in their right mind...

I mean, you just nailed it. You just hit it on the head.

I need to be around people who understand that.

I need to remember that I am better than everybody else.

I need to take a job just so the government can garnish my fucking wages, man.

I need you to give me a ride.

I need you to score me some juice.

I need you to stay the whole time. That's what drivers do.

I never bought into native American mythology.

I offer you a once in a lifetime investment opportunity.

I recognize your scent.

I said I'm not on steroids!

I said, I don't want a... I don't want a smoothie.

I saw your dick.

I seen your ass on TV.

I smelled that motherfucker. You need more

I think I'm gonna need to change my pants.

I think that's Mr. Powers.

I think you're underestimating your fan base.

I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.

I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad.

I thought you were a baseball pitcher.

I wanna know when he plays. See what this imposter's working with.

I wanna see Ashley Schaeffer BMW on your tit.

I want my monies. Show me them monies.

I want... These are questions about me personally as a superstar.

I was drunk. I had a chance to get laid.

I was handed the keys to the kingdom

I was hanging with those dudes in the parking lot.

I was paid a handsome amount of money.

I watched you whip the cracks off of Wilkes Central's butts..

I will help out, obviously, with things around here.

I wish I could just hang around you all the time...

I wore a cape in sophomore year.

I wore a cape in sophomore year.

I would love to talk to you one on one about said proposal.

I would say that my biggest flaw, my Achilles heel...

I'd focus on the "something" aspect of that. Yeah, I'm teaching.

I'd get maybe one of them Kenny Powers condoms...

I'd give you a ride gladly, Kenny Powers.

I'd hate if I slipped up and put a hole in one of these top of the line vehicles.

I'd love to add you to the permanent roster.

I'd probably have done the same thing.

I'll be goddamned if I fork out 200 bucks...

I'll even throw in the Halliburton case.

I'll pay for those extra channels that I've subscribed to...

I'll see what I can do.

I'll tell you, most teachers don't have a problem with me observing, but...

I'm a professional ball player.

I'm Allan Hicks. I'm a college recruit from UNCW, man.

I'm Ashley Schaeffer. I got a whole lot full of goddamn BMWs.

I'm coming back whether the big leagues want me or not.

I'm fucking burning up, back here.

I'm going home.

I'm going to Sha Booms!

I'm gonna break your arm.

I'm gonna sell this memorabilia. We can make millions.

I'm in the middle of some intense goddamn training.

I'm just disappointed with my arm...

I'm just kidding, it's me.

I'm just playing. I didn't come in my pants.

I'm Kenny Powers, I'll be your new PE teacher...

I'm not gonna get out on that dance floor with you.

I'm not lifting that shit. It's heavy

I'm not paying y'all 2 bucks an hour for nothing, all right?

I'm not trying to be crude with you. This is real.

I'm not.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight.

I'm sorry to be a stickler...

I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you guys.

I'm starting to see what's possible here.

I'm still waiting on a check, so I need you to keep floating.

I'm talking 'roids. Don't act like you don't know about drugs.

I'm talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning fucking monkey.

I'm talking about goddamn me in the store...

I'm talking about me.

I'm talking health insurance, 401...

I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck.

I'm the man who has the ball.

I'm the older brother.

I'm trying so hard not to be an asshole to you guys, okay?

I'm trying to get back into the big leagues.

I'm two days away from being in the best condition of my life.

I've been blessed with many things in this life:

I've been waiting the whole time to have good time. I'm having the shittiest time.

I've got a lot of memories in my life...

If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him...

If everyone in this town has forgotten who I am, it's time I remind them.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think Kenny Powers is afraid to throw a baseball.

If that's what you think. You're the expert.

If we were on an island with no weights and no running drills...

If you could focus on keeping your area clean...

If you happen to be a woman...

If you really wanna sell this stuff, just put it on eBay. I could list it for you.

If you won't listen to my words, then listen to my dancing feet.

If you're gonna do this, you have to do it the full way.

If you're really strapped for cash, sell the Jet Ski

In a nutshell, you can train all you want.

In a real way. All right.

Is it true you were in jail?

Is that such a crime?

Is this thing on?

It ain't often we get many stars in here.

It is a true pleasure to meet you. I'm just a huge fan.

It is, isn't it?

It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard...

It was real nice meeting you, Kenny. Watch it, prick.

It was the egg rolls, not the ecstasy.

It would be inappropriate. What is this?

It's a big night. What are you gonna go with...

It's a goddamn steal.

It's a little too early to tell, but looks like the sparks are still flying.

It's a pretty good party

It's actually technically an orangutan.

It's awesome.

It's been a while since you've been on top.

It's Cassie's favorite movie.

It's crazy just, like, being out in the real working world..

It's crazy what two years sober will do. Living totally clean.

It's goddamn amazing!

It's gonna cost more, but if you drop my name...

It's important. One time, I was invited to come to a social gathering.

It's just part of my... I have to observe my teachers.

It's Kenny Powers. Come on, everyone

It's like watching a fucking pitching machine.

It's me. Your brother

It's not a microphone.

It's not just the bat, Cassie.

It's not like teaching kids. You can't get fucked up.

It's right here and it says that you're a teacher supervisor.

It's still first period

It's valued at over $2,000, I have a thousand.

Jesus, Kenny. It's the middle of the damn night.

Just a man with a mind for victory...

Just do all my bullshit. My fucking running around.

Just give me a little breathing room here.

Just give me some walking around money, then I'll be fine. Okay?

Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me.

Just please work with me here.

Kenny Fucking Powers.

Kenny Powers has done it. Atlanta wins the series! Listen to this crowd!

Kenny Powers is a lover.

Kenny Powers is an athlete.

Kenny Powers is back!

Kenny Powers is now a free agent.

Kenny Powers needs to focus, okay?

Kenny Powers says good luck with your fucking career.

Kenny Powers, a career that once showed so much promise

Kenny Powers!

Kenny Powers?

Kenny Powers. That's Kenny Powers.

Kenny Powers. What the fuck is up with you, man?

Kenny, I've called you here for something rather serious.

Kenny, if you think that I'm gonna hook up with you...

Kenny, let's be honest here, okay?

Kenny, we was wondering, speaking of which...

Kenny, what is this?

Kenny!

Kenny!

Kenny!

Kenny!

Kenny. Kenny, stop.

Kenny...

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kind of makes you see what's really important, don't it?

Kind of sad.

Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.

Knock that shit off.

Let me go back up and do what I came here to do.

Let's do this. I got my two favorite students here.

Let's get back into baseball, okay?

Let's get back to work.

Let's get your paperwork started. Show you where you're working.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it. Keep going. Keep it going.

Let's pump some iron, bitches.

Let's start listing the first stuff.

Like a good friend that will be there for you always.

Look at that. You see that? That's where my dick goes through.

Look, I know you're a free agent...

Look, I paid you $200, okay?

Look: Opens up, you take shits through the middle.

Loved ones, such as yourself, are a blessing to me in our family...

MacWorthy awaits.

Man, brother, don't be sad, okay? Don't be bad.

Man, I am so excited, I can't wait to see you to..

Man, this feels good, Clegg.

Man, this thing's got some power.

Marcus Shank. You banged my stepsister back in high school

Masculine strength.

Maybe a forkball?

Maybe even open up a credit card in their names and my names.

Maybe God wants us to get rich as hell off of this shit.

Maybe it's time I remind everybody just who the fuck Kenny Powers is!

Maybe just signing some balls instead.

Maybe open up a checking account in their names...

Maybe this is what God wants.

Mongoloid Mike. Is that what you called him?

Motherfucker! That's Clegg in my fucking truck!

Mrs. Jones, she teaches English, and our band teacher, Mr. Janowski.

Multi million dollar deals, endorsements.

My ass is a...

My business is being a goddamn powerhouse and making millions.

My dad said you ruined baseball.

My driver.

My friends are here. They're...

My name's on the goddamn building.

Name of the game, kids: Thunderdome.

Named after Miss Kate Winslet in the movie Titanic.

Narrated by Kenny Powers.

Next question.

No matter if there are new memories standing in their way or not.

No offense, but I kind of think the all black..

No one's gonna look down on you because you drove yourself.

No shit.

No shit. Yeah, it's him.

No, actually, I don't. I play real sports.

No, babe, rehab.

No, dude. This is a real job.

No, Dustin, the zero key didn't get stuck.

No, for your information, I have full sized balls.

No, how about we just go back and we'll sign the rest of the balls.?

No, huh? Okay.

No, I can't kill him...

No, I...

No, I'm just not the guy to help you. Wish I could though.

No, I'm not going to any depressing shit like that.

No, I'm not. I'm just saying your name is on the chaperon list.

No, it's not a crime.

No, man. Come on, motherfucker. Come on, fucking fastball.

No, not black market shit, just regular market shit.

No, you... I can imagine. I saw you lots on TV.

No!

No! No, off! Get down!

No.

No.

No. Hell, no. He looks like shit.

No. I can't drink spirits if I'm gonna be driving, Kenny.

No... What...? You were driving

Nonsense! Come on, man!

Not that I get high, but if I did, my shit would still believe in Jesus Christ.

Not trying to be the best at exercising.

Now get the fuck out. Go!

Now he's ready. Three two pitch. Struck him out!

Now I'm sitting here, he's got a family, he's got a nice a shirt on

Now with your help, I sold it for 7 fucking bucks to some asshole.

Now you gotta live with us regular folks? Big deal. You act like it's a prison sentence

Now you're gonna dance with her?

Now, at this time I'd like to field any questions anybody has.

Now, Cassie.

Now, close the door. Get the fuck out of here.

Now, I think your body is awesome. You got great tits. [ R ]

Now, part of becoming a professional athlete...

Obviously, I'm not gonna need steroids once I'm fucking in shape.

Of course, I do. I'm famous.

Oh, and what's that? Looking at a bunch of boys throwing balls...

Oh, big boss man. Okay.

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, fuck. I'm so drunk I feel retarded.

Oh, going back to the majors.

Oh, hell, Kenny, come on.

Oh, I lead the whole marching band.

Oh, I love that

Oh, it's good, Kenny. I found the boy pitcher.

Oh, just shut up and give me a hand with this shit. [ R ]

Oh, Kenny, I'm a college scout. I can't...

Oh, man, I'll burn you some shit, just the choice nugs.

Oh, my God

Oh, my.

Oh, no, I'm just observing the class. Carry on, please..

Oh, okay. Well, why don't you come with me, Kenny?

Oh, okay. Yeah, I hurt myself.

Oh, shit!

Oh, that's not funny.

Oh, we... We already know each other too.

Oh, well, that's fucking terrific.

Oh, what are you gonna do? Tell your boyfriend about it?

Oh, yes, he is. Yes, he is

Oh, you get it done?

Oh, you know. I'm just doing a little rehab on the shoulder, you know?

Okay

Okay, let's just try and clean up some of our language

Okay, so basically, we're gonna post your things online...

Okay, that's nice. Okay

Okay, well, here's the thing.

Okay, well, if you can't come, you can't come.

Okay, well, Kenny, I hate to burst your bubble...

Okay, well, let's pretend that you weren't preggers...

Okay, well, let's... We should do the checking account thing though.

Okay, yeah, help me. Help me out. Okay.

Okay, you know what, Kenny, rather than asking for the top price...

Okay, you know what?

Okay, you need to calm down and tell me what's going on.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. I think we're gonna tone down the language. Right?

Okay. Maybe we should...

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Watch, class.

Okay. Well, that's good. You sold your bat.

Okay. Well, we're gonna get you a ride home, all right?

Okay. Well...

Okay. When you were engaged to get married to Dustin...

On school grounds, I'm sure there's a rule against that.

One coach tried to put me on a weight training program...

One thing each, boys. Wayne, one thing, not two.

One thing I hate, it's losing. If there's two things...

One, two, three.

Or just stay good at what you're doing, which is, I guess, being poor.

****stani?

People will buy this shit. Sixteen or 17? Sixteen?

Personally, I hate it when new memories get in the way of old ones. I know.

Pitch was never part of the deal.

Pliny Caldwell?

Powers, step into my office. Let's do some blow.

Practically almost zero, but I did it.

Pretty... All right.

Put it on.

Put it up Dustin's butts.

Really. We're brothers. You want me to give you a date?

Right where I belong.

Right, who's gonna wanna stick that?

Right, who's gonna wanna stick that?

Running, stretching, physical conditioning.

Scott, heads up. Thank you.

See in life, when you have talent, all the other shit doesn't matter.

See? Look, I told you I know him

Sell weed to make more money.

Selling it. I'm selling the Jet Ski.

Settle down, everyone. That was Mr. Powers using some language that a bald eagle never uses.

She's engaged to the fucking principal.

Shelby's bad boy is back in business, huh?

Shit. You can die from that?

Sleep on it, okay? You don't have to make up your mind right now.

Slow the fuck down, dude.

Smashing a brick through a dude's window...

So did you get the Christmas cards we got you this year?

So I am very sorry, I don't mean to offend you, Wayne.

So let me get this straight. You want me to lower the prices...

So let's get the teaching on!

So people often ask me, "Kenny, what are your weaknesses? Do you have any?"

So please leave a key under the mat, I love y'all very much.

So thanks for letting me crash here. Appreciate it.

So that is why I am better than everyone in the world.

So that's a lot of mail to go through. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think I did.

So you're upset that your bat sold for 7 bucks.

So, Kenny, how are you enjoying working here at Jefferson Davis?

So, Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?

Sorry life here ain't the glitz and glamour you're used to...

Sorry, sorry. I can't do it. Not gonna do it. Can't do it.

Sorry. Nothing.

Spot me, goddamn it!

Stars kind of make me, oh, how do I say it?

Stevie Janowski.

Stevie, first of all...

Stevie, this better be good.

Stevie. It's Stevie Janowski.

Strike three! You're out!

Superstar!

Sure, I've been called a xenophobe. But the truth is, I'm not

Take it as you will.

Take this serious, guys.

Tell me why I need training when I'm strong enough...

Terrence Cutler, principal.

That is a foam middle finger

That is a part that I myself am currently involved with.

That is until the majors call me back up.

That just seems like I'm spending too much money for nothing.

That one image is your big tits.

That was a horrible thing to say

That was basically college for me, just..

That was incredible.

That was pretty good.

That way, in case one day you're not famous..

That's a huge task.

That's fine with me. That would be great for me.

That's great. There you go, sport. Take a hike.

That's it.

That's not true. I don't give a fuck what you say.

That's not true. I love women.

That's one way to say it, yeah.

That's out of the kindness of my heart. The real deal is the training.

That's right, Stevie.

That's some of the best pitching I have ever seen.

That's the kind of fun and games we have around here

That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen before.

The bases are loaded. He shakes off a sign.

The big leagues never would take you back.

The coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win.

The ecstasy?

The guy with the talent.

The Internet.

The Junior Hog Farm Committee..

The littlest one's a girl.

The nail in the coffin of a career.

The only job op I got is teaching a bunch of fucking piss pants...

The people have spoken, Cut. Hit the halls, baby.

The whole goddamn thing, a thousand bucks.

Then he says he wants to do a personal appearance.

Then I can just have time just to focus up on the day to day.

There ain't exactly places to sneak up on somebody from.

There comes a time in every man's life when he's got...

There's an emergency. I need to see you in the computer room now.

There's one image in my life that consistently makes me happy...

These are the things that prepare your body...

They said you was around, but teaching school or something?

They're gonna spot me

Think that's funny?

This bat we sold? This bat is my home run bat.

This face used to cash fucking checks.

This is about me loving you for real

This is about real emotions.

This is just to kick start the training, dude.

This is Kenny Powers...

This is me being honest with you.

This is me, Dustin, take a picture.

This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion.

This is the time to do it.

This is worth millions of dollars.

This isn't a game.

This Jet Ski ain't a goddamn toy!