Silicon Valley - Season 4 Edit

A 10 percent increase in image quality

A couple hundred grand.

A daddy chaser, a leather man, a ladyboy, a Donald Duck.

A female human.

A female what?

A hair, but it's always been there.

A hundred and twenty three thousand,

A keyman clause?

A little to the right. The right more. More.

A new Internet.

A palapa.

A perpetual royalty free license for the patent.

A ploppa?

A smarter fridge...

About a quarter of a million...

About six foot two, Jared.

About testing your first alpha.

About the factory.

Above average height.

Actually only six times more than you could afford.

Actually, no.

Actually, uh...

Admit it! We're fucked.

After every VC in town turned us down,

After.

After.

Again, not my call.

Again, what is a donkey punch?

Again.

Against that cyberterrorist in a vulgar parody of the act of love

Ah, an adage.

Ah, come on. You're gonna do it.

Ah, scoreboard. Fuck. Shit.

Ah, you're getting off easy.

Ah! There we go.

Ah! Ugh. Fuck!

Ah. The factory.

All around the world with the same computing power

All day.

All I need is... Ah!

All it needs to do

All of our information is on both phones.

All over each other like a bunch of fucking douchebags.

All right, don't hire me.

All right, gentlemen... our flight today

All right, whoa, whoa. Easy now.

All right, you guys go shirts.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Laurie...

All right. Let's do an exercise.

All right. One press of the button, and we are back to normal.

All right. The new build is done.

All right. Well, if you're sure, then tell them and then call me and tell...

All right. What do you want, you little prick?

Although he lost and was publicly beheaded.

Although, what can we expect after TechCrunch Disrupt

Always put me first? Gone the extra mile?

Am I using that right?

An absurd amount of money for his company,

An attractive personal assistant,

An otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster,

And after years of busting my ass, I'm finally doing it.

And all the guys are really behind it.

And already I have floor seats to watch the Warriors.

And also the tech will talk.

And an umbrella insurance policy if that does not go well.

And anyone who says otherwise can suck my fat dick.

And as of now, we've got the votes...

And because I appreciated that,

And because of our business proposal.

And Big Head's father would retain his 50 percent?

And brings us our signed data storage contract

And deliver a keynote presentation built entirely

And gave my office to that little

And generally, I think it would be good for morale.

And going against her, so she moved me down here

And he was like, "We should try it," and he said we could delete it,

And he'll come here and fix it posthaste.

And he's got the hookup on a couple of pallets

And here's the kicker... We use my compression algorithm

And his bong and head out to the palapa to sulk a few minutes ago.

And honestly, gents, who would you rather have

And I added a little visual flair.

And I brought it out one night to look at the full moon.

And I can assure you, it's very, very real

And I can definitely not do that.

And I could just look everywhere, and there was a barmaid.

And I don't care whatever it is that you're selling here.

And I got a message that they agreed.

And I I don't know this woman very well, and we didn't use a condom.

And I just did that.

And I just guessed right on a lot of the details.

And I just looked at her for a really long time.

And I know this might piss you off to some degree,

And I like the balls on you.

And I literally can't.

And I think it could be really good if we could just keep it going.

And I walked into the tavern

And I wanted to offer my services as an associate.

And I was getting bummed, so I turned my phone off,

And I will eat hardtack, and I will say, "Thank you."

And I will not phone it in.

And I will salute you as we sink beneath the waves.

And I will sleep in the bilge with the vermin,

And I would own 10 percent of your new company.

And I'm gonna have you come back in about three weeks.

And I'm here for advice,

And I'm pretty sure Katrina and the Waves would want to know

And I'm sorry that I wasn't key in those meetings,

And I'm the CEO, and I'm gonna say this is where we go.

And I've actually told quite a few people that I was hired,

And I've got all of Monahan's discovery from the Hooli case right here,

And if duty requires, I will stand on deck,

And if I pay, he's gonna come and ask you guys for more money.

And if it's okay with Dan, it's fine with me.

And if she doesn't think you add any real value,

And if that happens, you will lose everything,

And if that weren't enough, we get our $20 million back.

And if we win, we dissolve the patent,

And if you look at it, you will mock me endlessly and without mercy.

And it fucking failed, okay?

And it was exactly what you wanted to make,

And it's pretty amazing. There's this point in the tavern,

And Jackson is quite a bit further north.

And Jared, he'd sooner commit hara kiri than...

And just, "Oh, Keenan Feldspar gets whatever he wants,"

And Keenan is Hawaii.

And let's just be cool and put our phones down.

And look, forget a million users,

And look, I know these guys are my friends,

And lost her license, and I'm stuck picking up

And make a fuck ton of money while we're doing it!

And melted down the entire facility.

And not in the beautiful way, like Grandpa and Pedro.

And now I have to be the ogre that says no to him. Great.

And now it says I'm using 47.8.

And now VR is supposed to be your lifeboat?

And now what do you think he's gonna do to me, huh?

And now, I sue people like you.

And now, through sheer luck,

And now, we can all work together on this dope ass shit

And on top of the hill, there was a tavern.

And pretty sure my dad would, like, never approve you

And probably sink or die of starvation or scurvy,

And prove that this works,

And put my village idiot grandson through six years of Emerson.

And right when our app was getting off the ground.

And seize our assets and our patents,

And since you are his keyman,

And Sir Walter Raleigh,

And so far has bought me two houses

And so I named one. That was my idea, you were just standing there.

And tell me that this is gonna work.

And tell the guys in your company

And thanks to Gus of Gigglybots for hosting.

And that way, everybody wins.

And that we are responsible for the overages.

And that will slowly drive you down a dark path

And that would be the end of Pied Piper.

And that's been certified by NIST/CSE, as you can see...

And that's just sitting in my pocket doing nothing." Right?

And that's the tech.

And that's when it hit me.

And the embryonic state of our network,

And the entire future of the fucking Internet

And the last one to leave a smidge after 4:00.

And then he said, you know, "You're doing it," a bunch of times,

And then he started getting really excited.

And then I go ahead and do this?

And then I just started babbling on about tech specs

And then I realized, you know, if they're gonna kill me, they're gonna kill me.

And then I thought, "Okay...

And then I'd just get back on the phone myself.

And then it just happened.

And then just totally fuck you over.

And then the last guy to nut has to eat it.

And then the last guy... eats it.

And then threaten litigation against accused infringers,

And then use that upfront payment to cover Melcher's fees.

And then we did it. And then we started getting really excited,

And then..

And there is no wind.

And there's no phone on Earth that could handle that demo,

And they don't even realize they're doing it.

And this is the man that you wanna fuck,

And to your Hooli/Endframe box

And torment you, so that every fiber...

And we are now officially negotiating the finer points of his deal.

And we can offer you a very competitive rate.

And we just cracked the top 500 in the Hooli app store.

And we slid that new demo over to Raviga

And we're growing at a rate of 18 percent, organically, week over week.

And we're not concerned with the expense

And whatever the fuck Jared is here...

And when it runs next month

And works his way up.

And yet there they are, atop your little paunch.

And you actually said the word "gulp"?

And you can look wherever you want,

And you guys are aware

And you have one underpowered laptop,

And you misspell my name.

And you said yourself, my guys are the best.

And you wanna rewrite it to make it all about you.

And you want all cash.

And you will go down with it,

And you would leave behind your 25 percent,

And you, of course, are out of the picture,

And you...

And you're not exactly chomping at the chance to fund us, are you?

And you're right, I will probably lose,

And you're saying "rad" now?

And you've always gone out of your way for me, yes?

And, Gilfoyle, um, how many more phones

And, in my earlier years, Chipotle

And, look, I'm gonna go out on a limb here,

And, potentially, a huge amount to gain.

And, um... yeah.

And, what, I'm gonna say to all my friends, like,

And, with all due respect, you run your own firm,

And... and now you're leaving?

And... and we've just killed our first few villagers.

And... and you look her in the eyes, and you say...

And... if it's fine with her, then I guess the deal is fine with me,

And... tech firms wouldn't touch me,

Anyhoo, as soon as Erlich comes in

Anyone care to talk secure biometrics?

Anyone here use our enterprise server?

Anything at all, what's it gonna be?

Anyway, Richard, you're not gonna seriously go home

Anyway, the writers usually settle, pay me off,

Anyway, uh, Jared, let's get a deck together on this.

Anyway, well, lesson learned

Apparently there was frost on the loading dock

Apparently, all of our cold data has gone hot,

Apparently, I just did.

Application control, and content filtering.

Are different than that.

Are entitled to 40 percent of the company.

Are particularly risk averse.

Are those almond poppy seed muffins or lemon poppy seed muffins?

Are..

Argh.

Around the release of Box Two!

As bad as it was, you know,

As I said, the tech is great

As in the bug you're supposed to be fixing.

As many as you like.

At one of the biggest tech companies in the Valley.

At Oracle Arena. You a hoops guy?

At our microprocessor plant in Acton.

At taking the shape of whatever shoe was pressed down upon me,

Aw, is somebody having a rough day?

Aw, shit.

Aye, aye, Captain. And, uh, just word to the wise,

Aye, Captain.

Bachman, scoreboard.

Back in the previous iteration, the platform.

Back when it was just some stupid search app for music copyright... s.

Bah, bah, bah. Even as you try and make a boring, racist comment,

Barker should've dropped you off first, sir.

Be done with it.

Because Gilfoyle would never allow it.

Because he owned the patent

Because I didn't write that code.

Because in the end,

Because it was basically parked until a few hours ago

Because it will be stored on multiple devices.

Because of massive AWS hosting fees.

Because of the tech.

Because she's very probably in love with you.

Because we seem to be having minor money troubles.

Because we're gonna need it if, or more realistically when,

Because who doesn't want 10 percent better image quality?

Because you are fat and poor.

Because you'll never know what was on there...

Because you're still theoretical.

Because... you want in and we need funding,

Becoming the most successful American data storage appliance

Before "Cancion De Amores."

Before you launch your firm.

Before.

Before.

Besides, she's going to bat for us.

Bingo... 2009, the HooliPad touchscreen was recalled

Boom!

Both partners happen to be female, Erlich.

Bought two houses, put Jeremy through four years of college.

Bream Hall, huh?

Brownnosing shit, Ed Chen

Built in intrusion prevention, SSL decryption and inspection,

But as poor as our odds are,

But can you hack this finder's fee into 52 installments,

But can you put a price on dignity?

But did I do something wrong?

But even he was willing to pay us up front for data storage, right?

But his fiancée wanted to certify

But I assure you, Big Head and I are on the case.

But I broke up our entire code base into parallel services.

But I had nothing to do with it.

But I love you guys.

But I mostly felt pretty okay.

But I need the algorithm to build something else.

But I think it should be Dinesh.

But I think the company's needs are better suited

But I think we should be doing a little bit more

But I was able to brute force the backdoor password

But I'll have you all know that without any involvement from Gavin Belson,

But I'm gonna go ahead and say

But I'm not going down without a fight.

But I've managed to find a home here, a life.

But if Monica or Laurie tries to oust me from Bream Hall,

But if you think that was cool,

But is this the time that we fire Richard?

But it appears as if Sir Richard the Not Short

But it seems that I've committed

But it was hard enough to get Melcher

But it's gonna save you from making a big mistake.

But let me see if I can pull my CTO in here.

But maybe you could ask the boys

But men aren't supposed to grow tits,

But men aren't supposed to grow tits, and yet,

But sadly, all the good music copyrights are gone.

But since we are headed east, I think Jackson is further.

But since your failure as a leader is a virtual certainty,

But spicier and with a south of the border kind of vibe.

But thanks to you, I look like a genius.

But that support is time critical.

But the biggest reason is that we realized once we took a look under the hood,

But the board is you, Richard, and my dad, right?

But the Bream Hall deal is signed. It's done, right?

But the future of VR is mobile,

But the point is, if you're gonna spend all day fucking,

But then I had lunch, and after that I was a little tired,

But then this cold snap happened.

But then, on the way home, it occurred to me

But they're also my employees, and it's my company.

But this is not it.

But to find out, you're gonna have to fight him in court.

But we already did more, Richard.

But we'll still be ready to roll out in time

But we're not for sale, guys.

But what brought him to us in the first place,

But what's also true is that you already mock me endlessly and without mercy,

But you could argue that he eventually won in the court of history.

But you guys have to understand that companies like ours

But you have to tell Keenan no deal.

But you know what's even crazier than that?

But you're not behind it, Richard

But you're not supposed to be at this table.

But you're not supposed to be at this table.

But, Liz...

But, Richard, I need you

But, um... you know, what they say in life,

But, you know, it... it's something.

But... right off the top of my head...

But... we've leapt from bat saliva to humans

By every respectable VC in town.

By far.

By two quarters.

California looses its mind when it gets cold.

Call me. My cell's on the back.

Called "I'm Cryin' (with My Eyes)"

Can almost see my breath, huh?

Can I mark this deliverable as complete?

Can you believe that I talked the ladies

Can you imagine how much these servers are costing me

Can you please turn on the heat? It's freezing in here.

Can you... reel it in a little?

Care to go three for three?"

Carol's right. We'd have to break ground before monsoon season

Catastrophic. We're not gonna be able to pay that bill,

Champagne, gentlemen?

Check this out.

Child locks are on.

Citrus trees start freezing.

Claimed that they stole that song, right?

Clearly, she has a lot of pent up sexual energy,

Come join us

Come on, baby, come on! Come on, bring it! Unh!

Come on. Listen to me.

Congratulations, but, Erlich,

Congratulations.

Correction, sir.

Could we get him?

Could you keep your eyes on the road, please?

Cursed with the Midas touch of shit.

Customer for what? We haven't built the product yet.

Dad?

Dan Melcher runs a very conservative insurance company,

Dan Melcher? The guy who beat the piss out of you?

Deal like we had with Melcher?

Deal's off the table.

Deep in your soul, you know you would rather be plowing a dude!

Defending your four percent stake in the company...

Deserved all the credit, right?

Did he mean... on the floor?

Did someone piss in someone's car?

Did that fucker password protect the settings?

Did you give the dogs their medicine this morning?

Did you push your code?

Did you represent all these people?

Did you see this? We've only been live for two weeks,

Did you?

Dinesh and Gilfoyle helped me integrate

Dinesh is going to do that?

Dinesh is the new CEO of Pied Piper.

Dinesh is the new CEO of Pied Piper.

Dinesh, how much are tickets to Hoolicon?

Dinesh, I'm sorry,

Dinesh, the one good thing that came out of you slapping your body

DINESH: Let's see.

DINESH: No, five. I said five.

DINESH: Yeah, I just pushed my code.

DINESH: You better be. We're not gonna work for free forever.

Do me a favor and don't tell the guys.

Do we need to get us off Azure?

Do you have any day olds?

Does it look like I care?

Does it need fake vocal ticks like, "ah"?

Don't also sabotage us in here, too.

Don't hit... No, no, no, no! Oh!

Don't let him drive on you.

Don't worry. I'll continue to do it for you.

Dude. This demo is insane.

Ed Chambers is you. Well, I wish, but...

Ed Chambers. He got Pied Piper a great cloud storage rate from Azure,

Ed Chen liked it so much, he offered to triple the Bream Hall deal.

Effectively leaving me with 10 percent?

Eh, sure.

Enjoy your new offices.

Envious? Me? Of who? Keenan Feldspar?

Erlich, no offense,

Erlich: Ah, I can't wait.

ERLICH: All right. Let's figure out how this gets split up.

ERLICH: Dinesh, you'll get five percent.

ERLICH: Now you said... you said four?

Erlich: Oh great.

ERLICH: Richard, can you hear me?

ERLICH: Richard, Richard, do not pull over.

ERLICH: That's... That would come out of Jared's percentage.

ERLICH: Then it's settled.

ERLICH: Yeah, easy for you to say.

Erlich!

Especially because now I have this baller algorithm

Especially since no VC in town will touch us, not even Monica's new firm.

Even better that donkey Ed Chen and Raviga were so blindsided,

Ever devised by a fucking genius

Ever since your announcement, everyone has heard of us.

Every morning I... I get up, and it's vidchat.

Everyone doesn't want it!

Everyone else in my division is getting gouged

Everything just comes so easy to him.

Excuse me for a moment.

Fantastic!

Fantastic! Well, now the real work begins.

Fill me in on the details of your little proposal.

Fine.

Fine. You may start Monday.

Five days before Gavin Belson's Hoolicon keynote.

Fly each leg five more times and average them.

For a company with zero prospects, 'cause fuck me.

For a good litigator, we're talking at least...

For a long time on a tiny boat,

For an epic gathering

For even just a penny less than that number right there,

For Hoolicon, right?

For it and you guys again.

For sure, get to keep your shitty desk job.

For the paperwork he had to do to put your coalition of companies together.

For the past 48 hours,

Fourteen thousand dollars for a smart fridge?

Frankly, little bit surprised.

From 1967, a full eight years

From failed startups at auction,

From Keenan, we'll be all set. We'll be back in business.

From Shanghai to Moffett Field in Mountain View

Fuck all these VCs.

Fuck all these VCs.

Fuck yeah!

Fuck yes, I want to talk business. What's the play?

Fuck you right in your little asshole,

Fuck you, guys.

Fuck you, Keenan Feldspar.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. If you look at my shit, I'm gonna look at your shit.

Fuck!

Fuck! Maybe you are cursed.

Fuck.

Fuck. Mine expanded also. What the fuck?

Fuck. We had a merge error.

Fuck. What do I do?

Fucking Keenan Feldspar.

Fucking Keenan Feldspar.

Fucking what?

G man, you busy at the moment?

Gavin just fucked off to go find himself who knows where.

Gavin left the company?

Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting.

Gentlemen, you're stepping on Richard's laughs.

Gentlemen. You all said that it couldn't be done,

Get out of here.

Get out there!

Get outta there, I wanna sit next to this guy!

Get outta there! I wanna sit next to this guy!

Get the fuck out of my office this instant

Get your head around that.

Getting fucked face first by your credit card company

Gilfoyle, "rad"?

Gilfoyle, as an anarchist

Gilfoyle, can I please be CEO of Pied Piper?

Gilfoyle, five percent.

GILFOYLE: Did you finish?

GILFOYLE: We already have the best video chat

Give or take.

Go ahead.

Go for Chambers.

Go on, man.

Go.

God. You believe this? I'm... I'm still on hold.

Good Humor ice cream bars

Good. Call me each time you're in Shanghai.

Good. That wasn't so hard, was it?

Gosh damn.

Gosh... I sure tried.

Got an Uber coming. Thank you.

Got your message.

Grandpa! Some guy's here!

Granted, there's no shortage of huge corporations

Great catch. What's your point?

Guess what. I walked right up to the barmaid,

Guys just landed on the app store

Guys, there's a fire!

Guys, this is a better product,

Guys, this is madness.

Guys?

Guys. Hey. I'm not Gavin Belson.

Guys... please be civil.

H How do you know so many gay things?

Half the finder's fee for me to stay.

Hang on. I have something for ya.

Has been told many times to look before you leap.

Has reached the Hooli app store's top 500 list,

Hath now slain the slimy troll.

Have now licensed the patent,

Have reached out to me preemptively to settle.

Have you seen Keenan yet?

He agreed to a deal?

He also was never actually with us.

He bragged to a sales rep at LaCroix about doing it to Sonia Sotomayor,

He did? When?

He gave me one of the first opportunities to shit myself over it.

He grimly does his work, then he sits motionless

He has a sensitive constitution.

He has a stronger case against us,

He invents one little thing, and then he's gonna make a billion dollars,

He left him out in the cold.

He made a... really good offer.

He never saw it coming.

He put in a fresh keg.

He seems okay with that.

He should be okay for at least a few more hours.

He should not be the CEO of this company.

He sounds awesome.

He starts with the little guy.

He'll walk away rich, the company will crater,

He's considered the greatest showman the tech world has ever seen.

He's gonna fucking kill me, then the deal's gonna fall through.

He's probably just working out of his garage, just like us.

Head of compliance here at Fiduciated General.

Hello, everybody. Thanks again for making it.

Hello, everyone. I'm very excited to introduce...

Hello, friend.

Hello, hi!

Hello, my cold friend.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello. For Jim?

Hello. Well, good. Now that you're both here,

Help a pal throw a basketball hoop on the old garage?

Here it is.

Here to you, Jack,

Here's what I'm gonna need you to do.

Hey, are you sitting here?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, did that pussy Jared keep you on hold long?

Hey, friends.

Hey, guys!

Hey, have you seen Keenan's demo?

Hey, here's something strange.

Hey, hey. We can get through this.

Hey, I squished those front end bugs.

Hey, Jared, did I miss any calls?

Hey, Jared, um, look at this e mail here.

Hey, let me get in. Let me get in. Let me get in.

Hey, man. I don't know who you think you are,

Hey, Richard, but you're not seriously gonna defend yourself in court, right?

Hey, Richard, there's some bad news.

Hey, Richard. How we doing?

Hey, the Karachi Kid and I finished.

Hey, while I have you, some of the boys are part

Hey! Come on in.

Hey. None zo.

Hi, Dan.

Hi, friend. What's up?

Hi. Richard Hendricks. We exchanged e mails?

His fridge, his rules.

His loss. He won't be...

His VR headset is reputed to be the new standard.

His work address is some house in Mountain View.

Hit a million daily active users

Hmm. I'm not quite sure what you're doing.

Hmm. I'm sorry. Wrong password.

Hmm. You're running low on beer.

Hold on. Hold on.

Hooli. He sold to Hooli.

Hoolicon.

How am I supposed to tell the guys that I'm taking away their payday?

How dare he put me in this position?

How good can it be? VR is just a fad.

How is that possible?

How many friends can we conference at the same time?

How sorry I am that Erlich flaked on you guys.

How the fuck are we gonna get a second Melcher?

How? We've already been turned down

However long you want.

However long you want.

Huh

Huh! Suck it, Jian Yang.

Huh? Go team. Let's celebrate.

Huh. Suck it, Jian Yang.

Humans are shit. This thing is addressing problems that don't exist.

I agree with Dinesh.

I agree.

I am a big prick.

I am not involved!

I am. I am, Gilfoyle. I'm pissed.

I believe that the future is female.

I believe the answer to that question...

I can accept that

I can tell, and as much as you want to be, you're not.

I can't believe I jeopardized the entire company with my dick.

I can't do this... anymore.

I can't take this shit anymore!

I cannot do that.

I could get creative and take some money out of the Melcher deal.

I couldn't tell a computer from a toaster.

I did indeed.

I did. I had to overclock Anton,

I didn't

I didn't even know I had it.

I didn't foresee that hundreds of thousands of people

I do not.

I do.

I don't care.

I don't even need to know what it is.

I don't know who you think you are,

I don't know who you think you are,

I don't know, you fucking maniac!

I don't know.

I don't know. I think we look rad.

I don't need to waste any more of your time with this.

I don't think he knows that's not your car.

I don't think Pied Piper should be a video chat company.

I don't think so. How do you figure?

I don't think that you'll find an associate, um...

I don't understand.

I don't want to give him any room to wriggle out of this.

I don't want to hurt my arm patting myself on the back,

I don't... I do... Okay, what dude?

I doubt it would even work.

I eat that motherfucker's lunch every day.

I felt like Gibraltar in World War II,

I find there's a certain escapist allure to real estate listings.

I flew the company plane to Shanghai,

I fucked your wives. Plural. Both of them.

I fucking knew it!

I gave you weed, a lot of it.

I get it. I get it.

I get it. I should've settled.

I get pissed at Erlich for not keeping it in his pants,

I get rich. So I'm down with it, Dinesh.

I got word that you called. I assume you spoke with my attorney,

I grant you, with...

I guess when I hacked together

I guess you can never really know someone

I had a feeling of mad.

I had to let Ed Chambers go.

I have a thriving incubator.

I have been working like crazy, eating like crap.

I have decided to make a deal with Keenan Feldspar.

I have nothing to hide

I have plenty to do! Tons of lots of things!

I have something to show you.

I have this gift where I can make people do whatever I want 'em to do,

I haven't been exercising at all, really, so...

I hear you, and yet...

I honestly don't think they even care that the tech is shit.

I hope that this doesn't create any tension between us,

I hope you're excited. I know "vee are."

I I I... I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.

I just said my name was Dan, that's how he knows.

I know it's probably not my place to give this suggestion,

I know you don't toot your own horn,

I know you're looking for something to do,

I know, but... but Russ is right.

I know. That... that's all I'm saying.

I left my job at Hooli to... to come work with you, Richard.

I like that one.

I looked him dead in the eyes, and I said,

I love the smell of fresh Spackle and hope.

I mean I'm not.

I mean, anything at all? Well...

I mean, by God, Liz, this is the most durable,

I mean, did you see that?

I mean, for instance, there's something called mansplaining?

I mean, he punched Erlich in the face for when he did it to him,

I mean, he was very honest about the whole Keenan vortex thing, so.

I mean, how many times did our teeth clink?

I mean, I almost killed us,

I mean, I guess, but... look.

I mean, I hate the video chat. I really do.

I mean, I was going to spend the rest of my life

I mean, I'm still on hold.

I mean, if people would just look at what we're offering,

I mean, if we have to get a million users,

I mean, if we have to get a million users,

I mean, it's my first Hoolicon as CEO of this company.

I mean, Jack and his boxes.

I mean, just look at him.

I mean, once he figured out what Erlich's five percent would be worth,

I mean, Richard, we'd be offering to store data

I mean, that cannot be enforceable.

I mean, that dude must've driven a van

I mean, that... that's the old thing. This is the new thing,

I mean, they are offering a discount to people who buy before they build.

I mean, they are offering a discount to people who buy before they build.

I mean, to help him figure that out?

I mean, we may not be a global epidemic yet,

I mean, we... we shouldn't even be talking about this.

I mean, we're all thinking it, right?

I mean, you've always been straight with me, right?

I might have to. Really, I just...

I need this.

I need to call Tara.

I need to get us funding, right now.

I need to hold your phone.

I need you to listen to me very carefully.

I now own 10 percent of Katrina and the Wave' "Walking on Sunshine."

I offered them a very, very reasonable rate.

I ordered it already. I buy it for myself.

I really wish I could, but my dick is the abacus

I risk having a mutiny on my hands.

I saw you at TechCrunch. You're Richard Hendricks.

I see a lot of the same:

I see. Well, our thoughts and prayers, obviously,

I started out in the medical field,

I sure have.

I tell you, it is, um, it is warm in here.

I think I need to... leave,

I think it would make us feel less exposed.

I think that's right. Yes.

I think that's very much in order.

I think they'd be blown away.

I think this is crazy.

I think we should take it

I think you guys should call yourselves PiperChat.

I think you're gonna like it.

I think, subconsciously,

I thought so too, but then I tried the demo,

I thought we handled that patent stuff. We own it, right?

I understand.

I wanna kill myself, you know?

I want to go to Hawaii.

I wanted this to happen, but it didn't.

I was babysitting my friend Gloria's great granddaughter.

I was born to roam, anyways.

I was going to descend onto the stage,

I was ready to fight you guys,

I was scared of intruders till I had one of those in my room,

I was thinking since you and Bream Hall signed

I wasn't a part of the conversation.

I will fund your "A" round.

I will give up all of my equity in the video chat

I will grant you guys a perpetual license

I will not allow you to make the same mistake

I will take you up on that.

I will, assuming she's there.

I win. I win. I win!

I wonder what kind of weird shit you get into.

I would rather bite my own fingers off than work on this platform.

I would transfer people to "my supervisor,"

I, uh, I started to optimize our code

I... I was gonna charter up tomorrow,

I... I'm supposed to get up on stage,

I.e., you.

I'd like a job, dears.

I'd like to be the first to offer you, both,

I'd like to hear why. "A," no more Erlich.

I'd like to look at my phone.

I'll be in the garage.

I'll be the first one here at 10:30 a.m.

I'll go back to Moffett right now.

I'll go balls deep on your inbox.

I'll never underestimate my talents again.

I'll put it down once he stops touching it.

I'll see you next week, bro seph.

I'll see you then... or whatever's left of you.

I'll, of course, need an office,

I'm actually, uh...

I'm at the wrong fucking school.

I'm Dan Melcher. Nice to meet you.

I'm down. Gilfoyle?

I'm fucking Erlich Bachman.

I'm George Mandechian, CEO.

I'm going to bed.

I'm going to start my own company.

I'm gonna call Melcher.

I'm gonna get a pillow.

I'm gonna have to insist that I keep the name Pied Piper, and I won't budge on that.

I'm gonna put you on calcium supplements,

I'm just looking at your very embarrassing personal information.

I'm just putting the finishing touches

I'm Keenan Feldspar.

I'm not buying it.

I'm not cursed, and the icebox

I'm not gonna drop that kind of dough on a fridge.

I'm not helping in any way.

I'm not letting you fuck this up, okay?

I'm not one to gush, but the possibilities

I'm not paying you because you're not the one

I'm not paying you to coffee klatsch

I'm not trying to get laid, Richard.

I'm perfectly capable of figuring it out myself.

I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault.

I'm quite certain I've never said this before.

I'm saying that I very much respect

I'm sorry, but I walked up a hill,

I'm sorry, but it's bad enough

I'm sorry, Erlich

I'm sorry. I don't know what this... has to do with...

I'm sure we can manage.

I'm worried that if we turn down this offer,

I've been trying to rewrite the core video chat code,

I've been... biting my nails,

If all I accomplish by doing this

If I don't calm down, I will.

If I get to completely own my algorithm.

If I had listened to you delicate little snowflakes and settled.

If I move you elsewhere.

If I say no to this...

If it's okay with Dan, it's fine with me.

If only.

If there's an upside to any of this,

If we could do it...

If we could just close the deal?

If we don't stop this guy, he's gonna just keep asking for more and more money

If you actually get to a million users...

If you had any respect,

If you hadn't designed sloppy services in the first place.

If you were programmed to have a good sense of humor, you'd laugh at that.

If you've taken one fucking selfie, I will find it.

If... if you need to kick another hole in the door,

If... you are known for anything,

If... you guys wanna feel worse...

Imagine...

In a giant box.

In exchange for a front row seat to the disaster seems fair.

In fact, that's why we need funding, to keep up with the users,

In front of an audience of thousands,

In front of the whole pledge class.

In my eyes, the company is already dead.

In the meantime, if and when...

In the VC field right now. I can help you navigate the toxicity

In you comparing yourself so closely to Gavin Belson.

In your position as head of the Hooli/Endframe box,

Inside of a house with you scrawny code jockeys,

Instead of doing your actual work?

Instead of typing, I just bite my fingernails.

Into letting me keep that little piece of genius in here?

Is accessible... here we go...

Is currently sitting in your unfinished waiting area

Is gonna belong to a fucking insurance company!

Is it a slight Idaho accent, Liz?

Is it cool if we hang out, just to, like, play around with the VR some more?

Is it hard to become a billionaire?

Is it? So, Richard...

Is just a way of pulling you into the vortex?

Is keep my fucking beer cold.

Is light years ahead of anything else out there on the market.

Is making you as miserable as you've made me

Is not whether Gavin is gone,

Is our child a dancer? (laughs)

Is that a new... sweater?

Is that really just on a cell signal?

Is that we finally have a network with real security value.

Is the greatest thing that happened to this firm.

Is there something going on with your data?

Is there something I can help you with?

Is this not the most exciting time to be in technology?

Is this the moment that I become the CEO?

Is this why Gavin Belson stopped working with you?

Is to insure that our investors' money is in wise hands.

Isn't it, Richard? Woo hoo!

Isn't it?

Isn't that his bong right there?

Isn't that right, Richard?

Isn't that why Keenan has acquired us?

Isn't this something that could have been done over e mail?

It certainly will.

It could be a... a twink, a bear,

It could be any dude, as long as you really want to fuck him.

It goes without saying, but...

It got me to thinking that perhaps I had undervalued my own company,

It is quite the opposite.

It is thriving.

It just came with the house.

It makes the whole trip a delight

It might be sexual in nature.

It took me a very long, long time

It was a three pointer, dumbass!

It was called "the platform."

It was such a bad thing to have done.

It would be good for everyone, including you.

It would be that I realize now

It... It wasn't really for me

It's a loss of mineral bone density.

It's a Mexican structure with palm fronds.

It's a real fucked situation,

It's a really good product.

It's a simple process of elimination.

It's about to.

It's all over the blogs. You took our idea to Gavin Belson?

It's all over the blogs. You took our idea to Gavin Belson?

It's an old mariachi number

It's bad enough it has to talk.

It's been a...

It's cold out here.

It's embarrassing to pull your pud

It's essentially a gazebo,

It's gonna be awesome! Come on! You're doing it!

It's gorgeous.

It's how I bought my condo. The scam came after

It's just for the past few hours, you've been a little, um...

It's just I... I never really...

It's just that the guys are a little agitated,

It's kind of like that old fraternity game,

It's like they don't even care about small businesses.

It's like this.

It's like watching a child take its first steps.

It's like... it's like limp biscuit.

It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.

It's new, it's exciting.

It's okay. I know what you're dealing with.

It's okay. I totally am.

It's possible.

It's probably not...

It's solutionism at its worst.

It's the highest honor that you can bestow on a VC.

It's the only way to be sure.

It's where guys stand in a circle and masturbate onto a cracker.

It's... It's gonna work. I promise.

It's... It's iodine.

Jack Barker is costing the shareholders

Jack in the box.

Jack, I appreciate everything you've done

Jared Dunn. Yep, just a moment, please. I'll transfer you.

Jared, can we get five more engineers?

Jared, here we go. Oh, I'm just gonna wait.

Jared, how many people attend Hoolicon?

Jared, I... I don't think that that's...

Jared, there's no pink glasses!

Jared, they don't care about small businesses.

Jared, what do you think about this?

Jared, yeah, good work here, really.

Jared, you didn't tell all these people

Jared: God, there's something beautiful

JARED: Hey, should we add another friend?

JARED: I've always been very adept

Jared: Okay, guys, we've got to calm down.

Jared.

Jealous? Jealous? (SCOFFS)

Jeff from Index Ventures.

Just 'cause, you know, this can be a tough business.

Just Just Just... Just watch this.

Just pay him the 20 grand, Richard.

Just pay the guy.

Just sitting in people's pockets.

Just to drop me off on the way?

Just to end up where I started?

Just to keep this ship afloat?

Just to remind you, Erlich, you are also an investor in Pied Piper.

Just wondering if there was something better.

Just, um... do your best Ed Chen impression.

Just... just hear Keenan out, okay?

Just... You're not getting it. Please.

Keenan and Erlich's little keyman game

Keenan Feldspar can void the deal and walk.

Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet,

Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet.

Keenan's tech is dog shit.

Keep your dick out of the equation?

Killed by you.

Kind of a shitty little dude.

Kind of felt like I was settling, you know?

Ladies.

Landing the biggest whale in the Valley...

Last night was...

Later, man.

Laurie is punishing me for taking your side

Laurie put me in the good office and moved Monica down the hall.

Less talk, more work, boys.

Let alone the full bloated platform.

Let me do all the talking.

Let me guess. Is it because it's warm?

Let's fuck this thing right in the pussy.

Let's get off in Hawaii.

Let's get to work.

Let's hit the road. We're gonna piss in everyone's car.

Let's see what happens when we add more friends.

Let's... let's put on some music. We never do that.

Let's... Let's take a deep breath,

Lightning ain't gonna strike twice, is it?

Like a bunch of fucking yentas.

Like right out of the gate

Like this.

Like, um, Google named their first building Building 40,

Like, you know, like a donkey punch, you know?

Like... really... awful.

Likely from working in this worm farm,

Limp biscuit's an old frat ritual,

Listen, Richard, we know you fought really hard for this deal.

Listen, uh, I think I know what he's gonna say,

Listen.

Liz can never find out about that whole thing between us

Liz just told me.

Liz, you have beautiful skin.

Look at him. He's gonna do it.

Look at some notes, and we'll get to it.

Look at the confidence, the poise.

Look at the stage presence.

Look how strong this is. Fucking forget about it.

Look, "Monica Hall." Laurie!

Look, anyway, about that data storage deal?

Look, can you just please, for once,

Look, I don't have any moral issue with any of that,

Look, I... I know you're looking for something to do, but...

Look, I'll make you a promise. If you can get all of Melcher's data

Look, I'm pretty sure it's even made up.

Look, if this new Internet is the man of your dreams

Look, Richie, I get it.

Look, that's me with Stevie Wonder.

Look, these guys, they're gonna need you,

Look, uh, about all this Erlich stuff...

Look. This deal was our only hope,

Looks like Cheetos, tastes like asshole.

Looks like I can slay that troll after all.

Looks like we both lose.

Looks like we have to work our asses off

Lots of money, and... he's got my back, so.

Love you, Papa Bear.

Made by not hiring me.

Man: I think a few other firms are coming.

Mansplaining is when a man will condescendingly explain

Matching pajamas.

May have blunted my conventional masculinity

May I borrow this hammer to pound in these flamboyant little nails?

Maybe I'll give him a day to cool off, try him again tomorrow or something.

Maybe we'll head to Moffett first,

Maybe you could help set up a data storage

Maybe... we convince the entire pledge class

Mazda may want to pull that whole Super Bowl spot.

Meaning what exactly?

Medical groups, sales groups, insurance companies,

Merely tens of minutes ago,

Might put a little strain on the wiring, that's all.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Kind of like that one?

Mmm. Ah. Huh. Huh.

Monica and Laurie are really fighting me on one final deal point,

Monica, I need to...

Monica: So, what do you think, Erlich?

Monica? No. Thank God. I'm Ed Chen.

Monsieur Ron Laflamme?

Monthly? Bullshit. It's been four days

More. Woof! Aces.

Mr. Bachman, we have work to do.

Mr. Bighetti, if you're going to control your son's board seat,

Mr. Bighetti, with all due respect, I...

My fucking nanny got another DUI

My goodness, this video chat app

My grandfather just came out of the closet. Beautiful. Very inspiring.

My grandson is the software expert.

My man, I was told I had a spot on the floor tonight,

My own kid like an asshole. So what's up?

My phone may be in the toilet, but...

My son's not giving up one share.

Nah! You guys should stay.

Named Stewart Burke has recently demanded

Ned! I knew it was you.

Needless to say, he did not.

Never gonna happen. Okay?

No matter, I'll take both, and the, uh, whole first floor

No one will even talk to us, which is crazy.

No spying. Information...

No tolls, no government regulation,

No, but seriously, what brings you in today?

No, but we are.

No, he just wants you to make the demo better

No, I am... I am serious. I would like a... an STD check.

No, I guess not.

No, I sued them.

No, I want a new fridge,

No, I'll get my car tomorrow. I had too many.

No, I'm just taking a little Redfin holiday.

No, man, I literally eat his food. What do you want?

No, no, I barely know her.

No, no, I'm not gonna go on hold again.

No, no, that's okay.

No, no. That's okay. It's fine.

No, um, something else in here, please?

No, why? Is there a hurricane or something?

No, you didn't. Fuck you.

No, you don't.

No.

No.

No. I... I had sex.

No. I'm sorry. Does Stewart Burke live here?

No. It's the locks. I... I don't know. It's not my car.

No. Laurie...

No. No, it's not dog shit.

No. No, no, no.

No. No... no nausea at all.

No. Wh why would he... wh...

Nope. No calls.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

Not a good time, my man

Not even going up the hill?

Not keep it the same.

Not my call.

Not now, not ever.

Not so sure about that.

Not that I'm little. I'm, uh...

Not to completely lose my shit right now.

Not to have sex before then, but let's face it...

Nothing. Just that...

Now I can give it to Erlich.

Now, if he can pull something together that fast, certainly I can.

Now, if we each give 20 percent,

Now, listen, Richard, I wouldn't worry so much.

Now, Richard, when we get into that room,

Now, we can continue sailing into the unknown,

Now, you need to break this thing off clean and clear,

Nuh uh! I win! I win!

Of 20 more private transcontinental flights?

Of course I've seen it. I'm his keyman.

Of course we are.

Of course.

Of course. Every competent VC has.

Of course. Keenan was born with a golden horseshoe up his ass,

Of data traffic is costing us a fortune.

Of enough key Malaysian ministers

Of his company, along with a five percent stake.

Of one of the most prestigious tech publications in the world.

Of our current Internet, with no firewalls,

Of pamplemousse LaCroix at, his words, an amaze balls price.

Of the ownership group of the Warriors.

Of this company a fortune, and he must be stopped.

Of this male culture which is encroaching on our feminist island.

Of utilities.

Of your consequence free reality are darkly promising.

Often the first customer is the hardest one to land.

Oh my God.

Oh no, not at all. I am an attorney.

Oh no.

Oh, actually, I was headed up to Jackson Hole, see the wife and kids.

Oh, Ed Chambers.

Oh, he came in the front this time.

Oh, hey. Would you like to see your desk?

Oh, I am so glad this is over.

Oh, I don't think anyone ever will.

Oh, I I... I don't think we need to get into...

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Good Humor ice cream bars.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Wheat Thins.

Oh, it is. I tested the prototype last night at his house.

Oh, Keenan gets these for free

Oh, look at that. Ranked 499.

Oh, man! Nice swag!

Oh, no, no, no, I have to take a shit.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I I... I don't wanna talk about him...

Oh, oh.

Oh, okay.

Oh, Richard, no.

Oh, Richard. I've forgotten what an envious little crone you can be.

Oh, s... it... so it was bad for you... too.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Oh, silly me.

Oh, that's exciting. Uh, yeah, I guess.

Oh, would you... would you care for a water?

Oh, wow, you can see right into the...

Oh, you don't have to. Okay.

Oh! And check it out, we even have swag...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Actually, just one last thing.

Oh. All that from "Cancion De Amores"?

Oh. It's Montana, actually.

Oh. Oh, I see. Well...

Oh. So, we need to talk to you

Oh. So, you're not a coder?

Oh. Uh, where I sleep?

Oh. Uh, where I sleep?

Oh. Uh, yeah, hello.

Oh. Well, that was just a whole heap of fun.

Oh. Yeah, they, um, shut the AC off after midnight.

Oh. Yeah. If Erlich says it works, that's good enough for me. Let's do it.

Oh. You're not...

Oh... no.

Oh... rats. Rats, rats, rats

Okay

Okay, but I...

Okay, but I'm sure Keenan's busy.

Okay, but, well, if a doctor pulls a baby out of a pregnant woman,

Okay, everything Keenan touches turns to gold,

Okay, first of all, my ex wife is fucking the doctor

Okay, for real, Richard. You have to pull over.

Okay, I bet someone in your position

Okay, I don't want to pry,

Okay, it's insurance. It's not ideal,

Okay, let's just think. Let's just think.

Okay, look, Richard,

Okay, should we cover this section on intrusion detection and prevention?

Okay, so our users will be able to experience

Okay, so this is $25 million? This is real?

Okay, so, how soon can we test our app on a phone?

Okay, well, he may want to consider financial aid,

Okay, well, uh, I had to go to Gavin,

Okay, why? Am I gaining weight?

Okay? And I didn't.

Okay? Look at this. This is not where we wanna be.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. (chuckles)

Okay. Cool. I'll text you the deets.

Okay. I I... I have to go.

Okay. Is he in? Can I speak with him?

Okay. Okay, that's good.

Okay. Ooh, this Monday?

Okay. Sorry.

Okay. Uh, well, it's good to face your fears.

Okay. Uh, yeah.

Okay. Well, I haven't really thought this through, so...

Okay. Well, I mean, you did come all the way here,

Okay. Well, that should be fine. We should be fine.

Okay. Yep.

On a network of cellphones before we built the app or the network.

On Bachman's Operational Center.

On Mazda's new Super Bowl spot, I print money.

On that talking chrome beer coozy.

On their storage and bandwidth fees right now,

Onto a stable network of mobile devices

Oops, sorry, you broke up. Could you, uh, could you say that again?

Or advice for the new CEO, whoever that may be.

Or else the entire project could collapse.

Or give me a chunk of their song.

Or maybe it just seems big 'cause the rest of him is shrinking.

Or should I say before we launch your firm?

Or some old asshole who once sued Stevie Wonder.

Or think about him... ever again.

Or we can get off in Hawaii.

Or...

Ordinarily, I loathe coming to China, but when you close a deal like that,

Our whole office is going nuts right now.

Over the whole weekend.

Over who was gonna get to take home the first new box!

Over... a bunch of gypsies in a previous life.

Paid the troll? Well, that's true,

Paid weekly over the course of the next year?

Paired with the TZ600.

Pass!

Paternity leave, if that goes well,

People are using this on their cellphones.

People don't really get STDs anymore.

Perfect. That's great.

Perhaps the most advanced and sophisticated pattern matching algorithm

Perhaps we need a new angle.

Peter died.

Pied Piper is a video chat company.

Pied Piper, just like yourselves,

Pied Piper? Hi. I'm Liz Tinsdale,

Pitch.

Plus, if I'm wrong, which I'm not...

Plus, it makes him queasy.

Point being, we can find another customer,

Pour me one, Big Cat!

Pretty bad...

Problem solved.

Problematic?

Professor. Gary in HR will set you up.

Real estate listings? What, are you looking to move out?

Really?

Really? I'm sorry.

Recapping a company is complex.

Reddit is shitting itself over it.

Remember that?

Replace little baby Richard.

Replace little baby Richard.

Richard and the fellows

Richard doesn't like things that are cool or fun or taste good.

Richard finally decides to pay that patent troll.

Richard is fucking with a product that is working.

Richard, a bill of this size is going to be problematic.

Richard, I know people who have spent

Richard, I know you think I'm a bullshit artist.

Richard, I need you to look me in the eye,

Richard, I was waiting out front!

Richard, I'm trying very hard

Richard, listen, it's like we've been lost at sea

Richard, right before Keenan signed the Raviga deal,

Richard, shame on you

Richard, that's Facebook level growth.

Richard, that's what I do.

Richard, this is no time for false humility.

Richard, we just can't keep fucking pivoting.

Richard, we need to talk.

Richard, we've all decided

Richard, what was the number?

Richard, you are my captain, and I'm your mate

Richard, you find that man, fuck him good.

Richard, you have the greatest technology that I've ever seen.

Richard, you have to tell Keenan that you're not gonna take this deal.

Richard, you sound like a crazy person.

Richard: Erlich, the customer is always right,

RICHARD: I mean, the guys are right. I'm fucking up the company.

RICHARD: I mean, the guys are right. I'm fucking up the company.

Richard: So, as you can see, your data will be even more secure,

Richard: Wait a minute.

Richard: Well, uh, speaking of heaven,

RICHARD: Yep.

Richard? What... what are you up to?

Richard. Well, yes, but...

Richard. Your algorithm.

Richie had the quail eggs to counter 25 million.

Right, and every new user increases our server cost.

Right, and she has never shown a proclivity for getting around infrastructure.

Right, like when Picasso painted a masterpiece,

Right, well, it's not like him to talk you into a deal

Right.

Right.

Right. 'Cause then you would've seen mine twice. (CHUCKLES)

Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin.

Save me the trouble?

Saving you 25 percent on your data storage,

Saying new router would be so much quicker.

See you all at Hoolicon!

See? I stuck to my guns and as a result,

See? It always works out.

See? Now, I know all my embarrassing shit is on your phone

See? This could've killed me.

Seeing as you do own 100 percent of the company.

Seems totally fair to me

Sequoia and Greylock, maybe a few more for this round.

Seriously, though, I don't know who you're talking about.

Shall I add them to your shopping list?

Shit, he came in the back.

Shit. I mean, Dan's gonna find out.

Shouldn't it be Mr. Stewart Burke, the patent troll,

Shouldn't Pied Piper be a dude you wanna fuck?

Shut up, Jared.

Since I'm not allowed to have a seizure.

Sincerely, Stewart Burke."

Sitting across from someone as charming as yourself this afternoon, will he?

Six, and he's still 20 credits short.

So Ed is no longer with us.

So he can take as much money off the table as he can.

So I can try to make it work.

So I don't recall all of the little nitty gritty details.

So I guess I'll have to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to...

So I have nothing to lose

So I put this on there to stop me from doing it.

So I think, maybe, just go to Jackson first,

So I'll do it for you.

So I'm gonna have to try something with Anton.

So if I wasn't, then it would look like I was fired.

So if you want to support me, you support them.

So let's just leave it at "wife," singular, and be done with it.

So now, let's go into Amazon

So our server's gonna get cut off,

So stoked you guys liked it. I hacked it together last summer

So that he can't do this to anyone else ever again.

So that leaves me.

So that people would think they were already huge.

So that, technically, is a little more north to south,

So that's something.

So that's the angle I'm taking

So then I thought, "What if we use all those phones

So then I thought, there's, what, billions of phones

So we all get five, not four.

So we can use the algorithm, free and clear, for video chat?

So we've already exceeded our monthly server budget.

So why don't you follow me? I'd follow you to the end of the Earth. Shall we?

So you can actually watch the food on your phone.

So you can actually watch the food on your phone.

So you can see all the food that's inside.

So you expect me to give the 40 percent

So you just walk into that office

So you know, you should have the answer in...

So you're Picasso now?

So you're wrong. Second of all, this isn't a baby.

So, basically, this new title just means that you,

So, Burke starts at the bottom of those lists

So, care to take a breather and...

So, Erlich, good news,

So, Gavin pulls out, and you want me to be your sloppy seconds.

So, he's a patent troll?

So, I extended my compression algorithm

So, I just wanna... If we could just close the deal,

So, I started to optimize our code to handle higher tr...

So, I think that means you and my dad

So, I will come back and get my stuff when you're gone.

So, it would've cost us slightly less if we'd have just...

So, it's cold outside.

So, Keenan sold his company.

So, Keenan, as you know, the best is expensive.

So, now we have to pay the $20,000?

So, Richard Hendricks, fuck you.

So, to avoid being thrice made a cuckold,

So, uh, how much is Burke asking for?

So, um, he'd actually like m more money.

So, um, it's actually good that you're here,

So, wait. I don't have to be CEO, right?

So, we just ate the Wheat Thin, didn't we?

So, we need to get this cap table done tout de suite.

So, what do I do?

So, what do you do?

So, what do you think?

So, you closed?

So, you're firm on that?

So, you're saying that

So?

So... he bought it. Hook, line and sinker.

So... if I say we have to pivot, we pivot.

So... it's approved.

Somebody else swooped in and offered him

Someone call the fire guys!

Someone who has held high level positions

Someone who has zero strikes against him.

Someone who's been on the cover

Something to a woman that she already knows.

Sometimes there's actual frost on the road,

Son of a bitch.

SonicWall SonicPoint ACe...

Sophisticated decentralized storage infrastructure

Sorry about that.

Sorry, I wasn't in a fraternity. What is that?

Sorry, it's a bit nutty around here.

Sorry, sir.

Sorry.

Sorry. About what?

Sorry. Everybody okay?

Sorry. He didn't tell us who he was inviting to the meeting.

Speaking of which, morale has not exactly been skyrocketing.

Spoken like a true leader.

Standing outside of my kid's school... former school.

Stayed up for 48 fucking straight hours

Still not talking, huh?

Stop trying to change the subject, Richard!

Straight to the point.

Stu Burke. R. Hendricks.

Stu is saying that since all eight companies

Such a big check over to Keenan Feldspar

Sure.

Technically, the reason why we stayed up for two days

Ten digit? Fuck.

Ten minutes later, we were in a handshake deal at Raviga.

Than passable video chat.

Than working with all these crazy billionaires.

Than you were this time last year.

Thank you, sir.

Thanks to "Cancion De Amores" here,

Thanks.

That could... guarantee viable middle out compression.

That delivered my son, and they're suing for full custody,

That doesn't strip away a ton of channels and metadata.

That even though your user rates are skyrocketing

That fridge is putting up a fight,

That Gavin was still working with the company, did you?

That had cost me practically nothing

That he wants me to be the new COO

That I am looking for something to do?

That I pay a $20,000 licensing fee,

That I would fund.

That I'll bet there's a piece of you deep down inside

That is fine.

That is... so sad. And that's why I moved into tech.

That man I will pay you to fuck.

That may be, but it's not for me.

That means shit...

That seems fair.

That sounds like a scam.

That sucks. I wanted it too, very badly.

That they gave you a piece of "Walking on Sunshine" for nothing.

That tried to walk into Coleman Blair

That Uber, Palantir, Zenefits,

That was fast.

That was the last wealthy guy in Silicon Valley that would even fucking talk to us.

That we can't get any funding because of you.

That we haven't even thought of yet.

That what we're trying to build complies

That would be horrible.

That you are all directly above us on the list,

That you wanna pivot.

That, um, I was going to be hired here,

That... knows this is a good idea.

That's a good one, Richard

That's as high as we go, homo. Till next time, rook.

That's fine. Of course.

That's how he found you.

That's like getting a new credit card to pay off your old credit card.

That's my edge.

That's nice.

That's not really a way to live. (chuckles)

That's probably where you'll think you are

That's solving all my latency issues.

That's the beauty of the deal we made, Richard.

That's where I come in. You and me together, bro?

That's why small businesses have to lie.

The algorithm was developed here in the Incubator.

The balls on you.

The benefit of even a second's distance,

The Box.

The boys like to go over the Pole,

The cardinal sin of being early.

The company, and that is so selfish.

The company, and that is so selfish.

The doctor doesn't get to then keep the baby.

The driver was incinerated, instantly.

The factory.

The finder's fee and...

The FIPS 140 2 standard for security,

The guy who made the brushes and the paint

The higher you are on the list, the more money he asks for.

The ice cream is melting.

The important thing is here,

The Incredible Shrinking Hendricks,

The more settlements he gets, the stronger his case.

The most transformative technology event in the world.

The night before he was our judge on the TechCrunch panel,

The opportunity to take me off the market.

The point is, if you don't draw the line in the sand

The refrigerator is broken.

The same gender...

The singular function of this firm

The tech will speak for itself.

The thing the band is named after.

The things this company goes through to save a dime.

The very same.

The video chat as an in house tool,

The video chat in the first place.

The VR is rad now.

The wheels are already turning.

The whole reason that Gilfoyle and I

The whole thing is just like, "Wow."

The world has... Mm!

The worst sex I think I've ever had...

Their entire careers chasing after an app

Then everybody in town will be trying to kidnap you.

Then have the guys hop you onto Jackson, okay?

Then head on off to Moffett. That sound good?

Then I flew back to Shanghai, then to Jackson Hole,

Then I get up again, it's vidchat.

Then I go to bed, and it's vidchat.

Then I would've invested 500 thou... a half of a million dollars

Then I'm okay with that.

Then in the auto industry, and then the music business.

Then it occurred to me, why rewrite our old code

Then Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather

Then Moffett, then Jackson Hole.

Then there's no future for you here.

Then to Moffett, which is where I just landed.

Then why are you talking to me about it?

Then you need to fuck him.

Then, we just need to extricate you from this situation.

There is a grotesque gender imbalance

There might be a better way.

There they are, atop your little paunch.

There's another men's room on the fourth floor.

There's no way we could make an acquisition work

Therefore, no.

These are all my notes from the original build of Pied Piper 1.0,

These are world class puns! Now I got nothing!

These decisions have to be unanimous.

These two guys are mad geniuses

They just want to go to Hawaii.

They kicked us out of this place.

They said we have five business days till they cut us off.

They want to ambush you and replace you with Big Head,

They're not gonna be able to tell the fucking difference.

They're running around with their hair on fire.

Think you can do that?

This adorable little wombat made clear his intentions

This feeling sucks.

This is a guy who knows how valuable he is!

This is a shakedown. He's a crook.

This is a very generous offer.

This is from high school.

This is more than I just took in funding from Bream Hall,

This is our CTO.

This is the amazing new company PiperChat.

This is very generous, but I... I was under the impression

This is what you talk about all day?

This is your desk.

This isn't a good look.

This meeting is over.

This must be the new fridge.

This one has an app,

This technology could change the world.

This warm.

This warm. I get it, Jian Yang!

This warm. This warm.

This way!

Those are your words, not mine.

Thought that video chat was the best use of our compression.

Three pointer? What, are we in Europe?

Through the drop down menu...

Thus giving me enough equity to compensate the boys fairly

Till it's time to work again. We could all take a page from his book.

Time to pull out the big gun.

To build a massive network?"

To ever be manufactured in China.

To get back on my feet after I got fired from Oracle,

To handle higher traffic.

To look me in the eye and tell me that this is gonna work,

To make everything small and efficient to move things around, and...

To make you feel bad,

To mount a challenge against this guy's patent.

To not play the game at all in the first place.

To prevent me from housing you on the hardwood?

To proceed with construction,

To sue musicians,

To sue writers of all kinds of songs.

To support... get this... 12 bit color.

To tell him that the eight companies

To that chrome piece of shit in under 12 hours.

To that end, we would like to clarify our arrangement with you.

To the gents from my 50 percent,

To the restaurant to get your card that you forgot.

To this asshole without even running it by me first?

To us?

To use the algorithm in your video chat,

To wit, uh...

To work for an all female led VC firm, but not me.

Tolerating your short reign as CEO

Tomorrow the real fun begins.

Too bad it's 10 times what I can afford,

Took me two fucking days,

Toot, toot.

Top of the line firewall protection,

True, but overall, we're firmly in the top 30,000 Hooli phone apps.

True. Although, that was complicated.

Trust me, you get used to it

Tsk tsk, Richard. Negativity.

Twenty five million fucking dollars.

Twenty thousand dollars.

Twenty two thousand dollars?

Two weeks

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Well, try and get a selfie with Steph Curry.

Uh oh! That yogurt is expired.

Uh uh, ain't gonna happen.

Uh, "Dear Richard, I recently became aware of your Space Saver app.

Uh, can I take this?

Uh, Gavin Belson has left the company.

Uh, guys, I just got a billing alert from Azure.

Uh, guys, I just got a billing alert from Azure.

Uh, guys?

Uh, I'm quitting.

Uh, no thanks. No, I'm... I'm not a VR guy.

Uh, no, Jared, we're... we're not okay.

Uh, no, um, you told me to name an idea,

Uh, no, was I supposed to?

Uh, not exactly. Because he...

Uh, of Pied Piper.

Uh, of Pied Piper.

Uh, Richard? Could I have a... a moment?

Uh, sorry, full disclosure:

Uh, the limp biscuit.

Uh, well, you are an investor, so what else would it be about?

Uh, where you meet this barmaid,

Uh, yeah, I guess just put it in the garage.

Uh, yep. Sorry.

Uh, yes.

Uh, you know what?

Uh...

Uh... sorry.

Um, because that little song there

Um, fine from what?

Um, I s... I mean, I guess I could run home

Um, in fact, actually, just as we were taking off, I walked away.

Um, in fact, could I transfer you to my supervisor?

Um, my lawyer has actually drafted a partnership agreement.

Um, one moment please.

Um, speaking of, Richard, I need to tell you something.

Um, that is a bill from Ron Laflamme

Um... well, I guess we should get back to the house,

Unacceptable.

Unlike you, I now work for a living.

Until his eyes glazed over.

Until someone is stuck with an unpayable bill.

Until we got to a million users was to cut server usage.

Until you ask them to put their money where their mouth is.

Upon my instruction.

Us now being competitors and all.

Using the computing power of a handheld calculator."

Venture capital over at Wood Opal.

Very rude, Daniel.

Very well.

Very. I'm about to set Anton loose

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait till you see our final hardware,

Wait. Customer? Are we pitching?

Wait. He... he got Erlich to quit his job

Wait. I was only using 32.2 gigs of data before the test,

Wait. Keenan said no?

Wait. So Gavin's not coming?

Wait. What about headwinds or storm activity?

Wait. What?

Wait. What?

Wait. What? Why?

Wait. When he said, "a spot on the floor,"

Was born to roam."

Was done. Enter the keyman, the big cat.

Was itself stolen from an old country song

Was to decrease server load,

Was to maximize our ability to get a million users,

Was working with Gavin Belson, yeah.

Watch your back, Jeff Bezos, here comes Hooli.

Watching you fleece my son,

Way down the hall.

We all band together and each contribute $20,000.

We all look amazing, don't we?

We are desperate. We need funding.

We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior.

We are to depose Richard, I am his obvious heir.

We can dispense with the mindless chitchat.

We can do the same thing, but with data storage.

We can't afford this.

We could build a completely decentralized version

We decided that the best way to stay alive

We feel that a generous finder's fee

We got quite drunk.

We have an extra spot on the floor at Oracle Arena. You a hoops guy?

We have an extra spot on the floor tonight

We have to store Melcher's data there until we have enough phones.

We just surpassed 120,000 daily active users

We need the fire guys.

We now have 20 grand we would have otherwise lost

We play every Tuesday.

We should be able to pull everything together by Monday.

We should have more than enough money

We thought you were cursed, but maybe it was just

We were a... a video chat company for a while.

We were already facing some design and production challenges,

We were even able to push the barmaid to the cloud.

We will lose the rest of our crew,

We will never forget that.

We won because of the tech, remember?

We would still own 30 percent each.

We'll get your tests back soon, and I would tell you

We'll go skins.

We're fucking rich.

We're getting this deal because of the tech.

We're going to miss delivery of product...

We're gonna be fucking cutting class and crushing ass.

We're not going to Hawaii.

We're pirates, and our ship is sinking,

We're reviewing it all tomorrow, actually.

We're trying to make a business deal, not get you laid.

We've blown away

We've just happen to drift right up to Hawaii.

We've taken secure authentication

Weird.

Welcome to the Valley, assholes.

Well, a semitruck slid right through the door and hit the main breaker panel

Well, actually, let me just say something first here

Well, and I mean, it's really not a big deal,

Well, aren't you... aren't you watching the weather channel?

Well, as a result, we now have

Well, because I was working on something much better.

Well, boys, I've been in the VC game for just one day,

Well, bye then.

Well, concrete's still pretty warm from the fire.

Well, considering our looming debts,

Well, dealbreaker. Let's... Should we get some food?

Well, enjoy it while it lasts,

Well, Gavin was right. His name certainly opened a lot of doors.

Well, Gilfoyle, to be honest, these deals are pretty complicated.

Well, good luck, it's a 10 digit alphanumeric.

Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence, GB.

Well, I called him, actually,

Well, I couldn't push that code,

Well, I I... I don't know if it's possible, and...

Well, I knew you had to have come from above.

Well, I know you wanted to buy Erlich's Pied Piper shares

Well, I mean, don't congratulate me. Congratulate Ed Chambers.

Well, I think I can handle that. (chuckles)

Well, I was hoping you would want to come on as a follow on investor

Well, it just makes it sound more human.

Well, it's a pretty groundbreaking technology.

Well, Larry Flynt did it.

Well, Laurie, he's waiting...

Well, let's find out.

Well, let's hope that Melcher doesn't hear about all this.

Well, let's see if our space saver app actually saves us any space.

Well, maybe you should pull out the bug gun...

Well, mistake on my part.

Well, my algorithm. So, I called Big Cat here,

Well, no, but I... I never explicitly said that he wasn't.

Well, no, it's actually common practice.

Well, no. Look, his patent covers...

Well, shit

Well, sir, I really don't see the value

Well, thanks to the amazing new TURN server,

Well, that kind

Well, that's probably longer than we'll be in business.

Well, then fund it yourself. Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.

Well, uh, neither have all those condo builders, right?

Well, uh, not yet. Melcher actually signed off on it,

Well, uh...

Well, with preconstruction pricing, this one's

Well, you don't think his discussing the vortex

Well, you fucked Dan's last wife

Well, you just told me. It's your unhealthy lifestyle, Richard.

Well, you said that you used "Cancion De Amores"

Well, you seem a bit eager to resolve the situation.

Well, you should bear 100 percent of the company's cost,

Well, Your Highness, could you please push your code?

Well.

Well... Well, actually, on flights like this,

Went kitesurfing in Fiji.

Were gonna come out and box

What a dick move.

What a shocker.

What about right now you just... leap before you look?

What am I looking at?

What are you doing here?

What are you telling me? Box Two is delayed?

What do you mean, I'm looking for something to do?

What do you mean?

What do you say?

What do you want?

What don't you know?

What exactly is he doing in our waiting area?

What I have in Dan.

What I'm about to tell you is a huge breach of ethics,

What if all we need is a customer?

What if someone is in an area with poor cellular reception?

What if we don't need an investor at all?

What it meant to the company was that we went to the finals, and we won.

What red blooded American male in the VC boys' club isn't?

What the fuck are you doing here?

What the fuck does it look like?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? Are you seriously trying to kidnap me right now?

What time does the game actually start?

What was that one little, pesky deal point?

What was the number you went back to him with?

What was the number?

What you're doing here, almost revere it,

What, did you graze your penis against a toilet seat?

What, pray tell, did he tell you when he called you?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? It... it's just a such a in the weeds deal.

What? No, I... I have to go.

What? That's fucking crazy.

What? We stayed up for two fucking days.

What? Why?

What? Why?

What'd you do? Did you reduce the latency?

What's taking you so long to give us our fucking shares?

What's that?

What's the problem?

What's up? You got Ed Ch... Chambers.

Whatever. You gave your server a human name.

When he looked at you, you felt like you were

When I can build a new encoder

When I got back, I was chill again,

When I rented to a squatter who wouldn't leave.

When I took my top off,

When I was on the street, it was a means of survival.

When I worked at my first startup,

When it started flying on and off our network like crazy.

When some guy pisses in your car, where do you, you know?

When you first told me that number,

When you run it on a $10,000 rig.

When you start saving 25 percent on your data storage.

When you sucker punched me in the God damn face?

Where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit,

Where have you been? We've been trying to close your deal.

Where it was both crucial and inert.

Where the fuck is that kid?

Where we come together as one people, as visionaries.

Where'd you learn how to do this, anyway?

Which is en route from China.

Which is why you should know that a patent troll

Which makes us pretty deserving of the Weissman trophy.

Which means he's gonna sue us

Which means we're gonna lose Melcher's data,

Which one of you pussies, uh, put sugar in my gas tank

Which, as it turns out, he just signed over to me.

While sustaining the same kind of growth,

While you sit here toiling away in an icebox you call your home office,

Who doesn't want it? Everyone.

Who is forced to eat the biscuit?

Who made that one through the...

Who said anything about... respectable?

Who said anything about... respectable?

Who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck are you?

Who you think you are,

Who, uh...

Who... Who is pushing this false narrative

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?

Whoa. I'm sorry. Our idea?

Whoops! Did you forget to scan that bar code?

Why are your fingers orange?

Why didn't you write your code?

Why do I have a photo folder entitled "Cool Hairstyles"?

Why do I have an e mail for the "Anton LaVey Fun Run"?

Why does everyone in this state have to be such a wimp about it?

Why don't I go over there, walk him through the app,

Why don't I I... I'll take this one from here.

Why don't you all just... Essentially, uh,

Why he would mention that. It's super gross.

Why not? Uh... jeez.

Why would I have that information?

Why would we need it? Mia is in a federal facility

Why would you be surprised? Can you think of any reason

Why would you need help from a scrawny code jockey such as myself?

Why you don't deserve a promotion?

Why? Have you heard of him?

Will be just over 11 hours, so if you'll just...

Will be more than satisfactory.

Will not.

With absolutely no increase in server load whatsoever.

With absolutely no regard for what that meant to the company.

With all those imaginary savings.

With fraudulent numbers.

With me out of the company,

With my name on it.

With my track record at a better price.

With no access to the Internet.

With no loss in picture quality, even on conventional 3G.

With their data handling and security protocols.

With this kind of growth rate and never hit it.

With this revolutionary compression algorithm

With vast amounts of data, but it's highly risky.

Woo!

Worst sex I think I've ever had by far.

Would be totally free in every sense of the word.

Would have to agree on who replaces Richard,

Would never accept a position of authority

Would shit themselves over how fucking awesome it was.

Would you mind hopping up on that scale for a sec?

Wow

Wow! Look at that. The image is so clear.

Wow.

Wow. Good job, Jared.

Wow. Good.

Wow. I didn't feel sick at all, not once.

Wow. So, you get shares in the company.

Wow. That's very impressive, all of it,

Yeah, a lot of these guys aren't man enough

Yeah, and as CFO, I should tell you we've already done that seven times.

Yeah, and we can take it to court if you like, see who they believe:

Yeah, because, remember, I had to go back

Yeah, but Anton doesn't call me anything.

Yeah, but look, look, it's no more risky

Yeah, got it. I'm on it.

Yeah, he thinks the search results are real.

Yeah, how do I shut you the fuck up?

Yeah, I did, and I would gladly fight

Yeah, I felt fine the entire time.

Yeah, I guess that makes him crazy.

Yeah, I mean, it was just all elbows.

Yeah, I mean, that's not the half of it

Yeah, I thought so too,

Yeah, I... I'm trying to negotiate a lower cloud storage rate

Yeah, I'm very aware.

Yeah, it was a nice palapa

Yeah, it's a beautiful world, Erlich

Yeah, it's just, it's the only place with room.

Yeah, look at that.

Yeah, no one deserves that.

Yeah, pulling it out of you like a newborn baby.

Yeah, so let me cum into a bucket and have you all drink it.

Yeah, subgroup mobile, subgroup storage.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, the new Internet. We came up with that together,

Yeah, VR.

Yeah, we got our first past due notice from Azure.

Yeah, we should.

Yeah, we're not gonna wear the same thing three days straight.

Yeah, well, um, look, the demo is amazing...

Yeah, yeah, for a second there, he wasn't buying it,

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Yeah?

Yeah? Twenty grand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. (chuckles)

Yeah. Dinesh, you were the one that hacked together

Yeah. Hello

Yeah. I'll... I'll send him a harshly worded cease and desist letter.

Yeah. It's at the high end of standard.

Yeah. It's got a great tech. We're growing like crazy.

Yeah. No. Look, he's copped up to all that.

Yeah. Well, I just wanna say,

Yep, as like in buy a ton of super broad IP

Yep!

Yep. Two more weeks and Bream Hall's in business.

Yes, and said keyman is none other than yours truly.

Yes, and you can add multiple concurrent users

Yes, because of the technology

Yes, but after crunching the old numbies, um,

Yes, I did speak to Ron Laflamme.

Yes, I did... on purpose.

Yes, sir.

Yes, starting today.

Yes, um, but what's important... at least we think...

Yes, we do.

Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

Yikes, that's so three years ago

Yo, Erlich. Where you at, dawg?

Yo, what up, what up, what up?

Yo, yo, yo!

You agreed to store our data for a flat rate.

You apparently tried to organize against me

You are an inch shorter

You are out. Big Head is in.

You are the horse that I would bet on.

You are wearing the exact same pajamas as Dinesh,

You attack and destroy my refrigerator?

You brought swag to a pitch meeting?

You built the video chat, I'll give you that. Okay.

You can be honest with me? How many days will this set us back?

You can build anything in the world you want with your compression,

You can change the fucking world.

You can expect to see storage savings annually of... 25 percent.

You can't keep your eyes off my phone.

You dick!

You did, but you did it using my algorithm.

You don't believe in this product you're selling.

You don't come off in that story as well as you think you do.

You don't like it.

You don't seem that mad.

You don't understand. Keenan had us pouring champagne

You fucked my wife.

You gotta come check this out

You guys don't need all these lights on, do you?

You guys got yourself a fucking deal!

You guys look like you're in a cult

You guys said you were proficient in video files, right?

You guys would be able to raise money, no problem.

You have been sucked entirely into his little... Keenan vortex.

You heard the man child right.

You just gave our proprietary technology

You just have to get people excited about it.

You know the product inside and out.

You know what we desperately need is a palapa.

You know what? I'm gonna back channel,

You know what? Should we...

You know you're doing it. Oh, I can see it.

You know, coder to coder. I'm sure it'll be fine.

You know, kind of a shitty thing to do

You know, looking around at Bream Hall,

You know, the Heisman trophy from athletics.

You know, then people start filing claims like crazy.

You know, this whole job would've been a lot easier

You know, what with the patent and the IP.

You may want to have a seat.

You mean... a salary?

You named it Anton.

You need to talk to me?

You realize Hoolicon is in one week, right?

You really think so?

You really think that you can get people excited about Pied Piper?

You really vomited a lot...

You said three, and then you had...

You see this? This is a song I bought at a copyright auction.

You see, if I quit Bream Hall, then Keenan is free to do whatever he wants.

You should be thanking me. The CTO is on the way in

You sure you don't care?

You sure you don't wanna come back inside?

You trolled the troll.

You wanna build a new Internet?

You wanna try the demo?

You want a beer? I just put in a fresh keg.

You wanted to see me, Skipper?

You were rubbing VR's face in a pile of its own make...

You were there with me for every single pitch meeting.

You will never see him again if he gets out.

You wouldn't have talked my son into wasting his money...

You? Why you?

You... you know the details.

You're a catch. Just deal with it.

You're almost anxious.

You're certainly not helping your cuticles by biting on them

You're fucking jealous.

You're going to kill this comp...

You're gonna listen to Russ Hanneman?

You're gonna need a miracle.

You're killing us out there.

You're lucky that you've garnished this much of my time.

You're not even my driver. This says Sandeep in an Escalade.

You're not paying us at all.

You're referring to is your house, okay?

You're shrinking, my friend.

You're sitting here, trying to hack Jian Yang's password

You're supposed to follow me.

You're the first person to see the place.

You're the guys working for Gavin Belson.

You're trying to date a woman,

You've always hated the video chat, because it's my thing,

You've been out here all night. It's freezing.

You've got a big heart.

You've got unlimited time and resources,

Your counteroffer here is really, really high.

Your middle out compression algorithm into my codec.

Your nail beds are gonna get infected

Your proximity to Erlich.

9,000 years.

10,000 to go away?

"Born to roam"? (door opens)

"But"... what? But Laurie is my partner,

(CLEARS THROAT) I don't know, it's just that...

(clears throat) It's a figure of speech, an old one.

(clears throat) Not literally, no. It's a, uh,

(door closes) Erlich: Oh, Dan

(door closes) Uh, what the hell was that?

(elevator dings) (clicks rapidly)

(ENGINE REVVING) Careful please. He's gonna peel out.

(laughing) Richard: Get an upgrade from there.

(laughter) Bream Hall?

(music playing on speakers) (engine revs)

(music playing on speakers) (engine revs)

(music stops) (engine stops)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING) Uhh...

(quietly) What are you doing, hmm? What?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) Thanks for meeting me here.

(SIGHS) Good night, Brown Bear.

(SIGHS) I understand your concerns,

(SIGHS) Fuck. (DOOR CLOSES)

(STAMMERS) Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the Navy.

♪ ♪ Mmm. Ah. Huh.

A bonus? There's no cash involved,

added to your shopping list. Come on.

Again, I... again... I don't really know

All right, bye, honey. Bye

All right, well, look, I'm gonna step out. Okay.

All right. Done. (beeps)

and he took it. Really?

And if it did, the lag, the video quality... (SIGHS)

and it was bad, um... Okay.

and it was so exciting. And it worked.

And out of reality. Yeah, well.

and see what we could buy... (keyboard clicking)

and, like, immediately. Yeah. Yeah.

And? Moffett is 28.3 minutes closer.

Are we all here? Yes, yeah, we are

Are we? Probably.

Are you in love? What?

Are you serious? We were just hanging out,

As crystal. Yeah, I'm... I'm not gonna lie,

Bad luck, I guess. Yeah, so...

Bad. bad. Bad.

Both of you. (inhales sharply)

Bullshit. No, no, not bullshit. Computer science.

but deep down in your heart you know you're gay. Uhh...

but I win. No, you don't.

But you hate basketball. I'll concede that spending all my time

checked out. Uh, I'm just...

Come on, come on. After you. Okay, sure. I guess. Fine.

Come on! Well, okay.

Commitment issues? Uh, I don't know.

Did you finish your networking issue? Nope.

DINESH: No. (GUYS CHATTERING)

Do... Do you guys know each other? No.

Do... Do you guys know each other? No.

draw up some paperwork for that. Mm hmm.

Erlich Bachman. And I'm, uh, Richard Hendricks.

ERLICH: Richard! Okay.

Even better. The big blue sky state. Yeah.

Five percent. You said four. Was it...

Five. What?

for the current platform. The video chat?

Fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck you, Richard Hendricks! Fuck me regarding?

GILFOYLE: Ah, shit. Look, look.

GILFOYLE: What a dick. Well, assuming we don't get arrested,

Give it to me. You are not thinking clearly.

Give me the phone. Dinesh.

Go for Erlich. E. Bachman! E. Chen.

Good. I'll ride down with you.

Got it. Look, look, look. God damn it!

Have you been here all weekend? Is that the Sushi guy?

Have you heard about this? We know what mansplaining is.

Hawaii? It's a metaphor we've been using.

He just said it was a bunch of us. How many are we?

He knows. Well...

He sued those guys too? Not the band.

He's amazing. Who?

Here. What's this?

Hey, are you on the shitter? Pull the fuck over.

Hey, Russ. "Hey, Russ"?

Hey, Russ. "Hey, Russ"?

Hi. Hi.

Holy shit. Is that... Keenan Feldspar? Yes.

Hooli. Yup.

How much? Three hundred thousand dollars.

Huh? It's possible.

I can't do that. Really?

I don't know who that is. (laughter)

I don't think you do. I do. Trust me, I do.

I get it. I just...

I own a telescope... Of course you do.

I said it? Yes. Yeah.

I want to acquire Pied Piper. Oh.

I win! (door opens)

I'll fake a seizure. What?

I'll see you in a week. Yes, sir.

I'll tell Liz you say hi. Oh. Oh no.

I'm not. That's ridiculous. There's no such thing.

I'm sorry. What? It's off the charts now, man!

I'm very excited to... (whispers)

If he can do it... No. No, no, no, no, no.

in any official organization. None.

Is he fucking with me? Shoot it!

It does. Who's drinking? To the palapa! Yeah!

It's a new color on you. A new color on you would be...

It's just not gonna happen. Thank you.

It's okay. Gotcha.

It's on the left. (BEEPS)

It's so warm in here. That would be the subfloor heating.

It's that good? Guys, come on.

It's, uh, when guys... Just don't. Don't.

Jared, five percent. DINESH: Yeah. Okay,

JARED: That was my fault. Yes, but no.

Last night... (both chuckle)

Let's do it, buddy! Let's fucking do it! Okay. Yeah

Liz? Huh?

Maybe. Come on, you're fucking doing it!

Mm hmm? "Listen, baby...

Mm hmm. (RINGING)

Mm hmm. Jesus.

Mmm. It's a classic!

Monica, this salient... Mmm?

My idea! It was my idea!

Never going to... Dan?

No problem. My name is, uh, Richard Hendricks,

No, I'm just gonna... the door. To...

No, it's five. GILFOYLE: Five.

No! GILFOYLE: Uh oh.

No. Are... are you Stewart Burke?

No. It's very nice.

No. So, you get a seat On the board.

Not your fault. Also...

Of course you did. And I got to thinking...

Of course. Great.

Oh! Sweet. Sweet indeed. It's human hair.

Oh... What?

Okay, here you are. Yeah!

Okay, yeah, d... uh... Look at me.

Okay? Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Now, it's not gonna be easy,

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Great. (clatters)

On the floor? We were like two wild animals.

On what? Here you go, Richard.

On what? Here you go, Richard.

Ooh! Settling.

Out loud? Okay. Mm hmm.

Ow! (clatters)

Pull over now. DINESH: That is great!

Really? You have my word,

Really? Okay. Yeah.

Richard, do not... do not pull over. You'll never see him again.

RICHARD: Jared... (DINESH SPEAKS INDISCERNIBLY)

Richard: Oh, come on. Payback's a bitch,

Richard: Yeah, our company can grow in ways... Oh, fuck.

Richard? Yeah.

Richard? Yeah.

Richard. (elevator dings)

Right? I know. Definitely.

Right. Out of sight, out of mind. 'Cause he was never real.

Sex with what? Female.

Shall I add them to your shopping list? You know what? Yeah.

She did? Yup.

Should we start with adjuster records? Sure.

Silver lining, so that's nice. Listen,

So, he's not coming? No. No, not at all.

So, what have you got? Well, sir, I did as you asked.

So, your coalition fucked us? Yes.

So... Good.

Suit yourself. (clatters)

Sure. All right.

Swipe. Mm hmm.

That's fine. Terrible fucking name.

the only two people in the world. Hoover.

The very same. Yeah. You're the fucking guy

There you go. No, we need that money.

there. How could I top that?

thinking

This... What we... Yeah.

Those are screws. Yeah, no, I...

Three, two, one, go. Go, go, go. (STAMMERS)

to a whole other level. Jack Barker...

to reduce our hosting bill. (DOOR OPENS)

Too many. And you move your head a lot.

top 500 list, right? Yeah.

Uh, no. No. You're not coming. Why not?

Uh, too many. Mm mm. Too many. You know?

Um, thank... thank you. Richard: You, uh... yeah.

Unlock. Mmm.

upon which this equation will be... Guys.

Was it a popular song? No. I used the copyright on this song

Was that wrong? Richard: No, Jared, that's fine.

We did it. Busy?

We won't do it again. Just wait for a second, okay?

we'd understand. Oh yeah. No, I... I might.

We've already come. (chuckles)

Well, classic Melcher. (both chuckle)

Well, it was nice to meet you both. Bye now, Liz.

Well... passion... None.

What did he say? He says hi.

What number? Your counteroffer to Keenan.

What? What?

What? What?

What? Yeah, my car won't start.

What's so good about Hawaii? Have you never been?

What's this? It's an offer.

Where is he? I saw him grab his lighter

Who did he sell to? The only other company

Who? My fictional supervisor.

Whoa. Problem?

Whoa. Uh...

With? Microsoft Azure.

Worse. It's cold outside. Okay. So?

Wow. there.

Yeah, it's totally fine. Okay, yeah. Who gives a shit?

Yeah, it's... Richard, I like it.

Yeah, looks like it. Hot damn, Richie!

Yeah, oh my God. Yeah

Yeah, we really do. Yes.

Yeah. All right. First, I need some details.

Yeah. Last night was...

Yeah. There is someone else.

Yeah. Sorry, Big Head. What?

Yeah. You have my utmost discretion. Thank you.

Yes. Fine, I'll call the repairman,

You fucking prick. Whoa.

You get it? Uh, yes, because he's blind.

You hate the video chat. I don't hate the video chat, Dinesh.

You like this? Look, it has a screen

You need funding? Yes.

You quit Bream Hall? Two hours ago.

You said I have unlimited time? Now. Now, now!

You two married? Oh, not yet. We're engaged.

You're in good hands. Okay. Okay.

'Cause if it doesn't I'm completely fucked.

'cause if it doesn't, I'm completely fucked.

'Cause now I know you had some embarrassing shit to hide

'cause of the network bug.

'cause, you know, I quit Periscope to go work

"Daniel, I've fucked every wife you've ever had.

"I think your app may infringe upon my own patented technology.

"If your schedule permits, I would love to discuss this with you as soon as possible.

"more computing power in my phone

"Oh, this is how I'm spending my time," you know?

"storage of media files on a network."

"there's literally millions of times

"Wow, we put a man on the moon

"You can't always get what you want

"you're getting hitched, and... and I...

(both laugh)

(both moan)

(both moaning)

(chuckles) 'Cause he kept... whispering that.

(chuckles) I'm sure it was magnificent.

(chuckles) Okay, look, I've... I've signed off.

(clears throat)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(clicking)

(door opens)

(DOOR OPENS)

(door opens)

(door slams)

(elevator dings)

(Erlich noisily clears throat)

(exhales deeply)

(flushes)

(GUYS CHATTERING)

(hip hop music playing)

(inhales deeply) Dan, Dan, Dan.

(inhales sharply) God damn it.

(keyboards clicking)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(laughs)

(laughs)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) All right, Jack.

(laughs) Yeah.

(MUTTERS) Goddamn motherfucker.

(Muzak playing)

(people chattering)

(phone clicking)

(Richard yelps, grunts)

(scoffs) It's always about my money, isn't it?

(sighs)

(sighs)

(SIGHS)

(sighs) You want a fleece?

(STAMMERS)

(STAMMERS) I'm flattered.

(STAMMERS) Russ, no, that's... It's a good, sound business.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(TIRES SCREECH)

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(vehicle approaching)

(whizzing)

♪

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And a Benz to listen to Michael ♪

♪ And Grand Poobah, Maxwell ♪

♪ Are we in space, pinned down ♪

♪ Are we outside ♪

♪ Are we outside in space? ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Close your eyes, cover your ears, do not listen ♪

♪ Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort ♪

♪ D D DJ Shadow, we rose to throw blows ♪

♪ Eats its own litter up, the system's fucked, it's corrupt ♪

♪ Every time I go out, I think I found my wife ♪

♪ Freeze me ♪

♪ Hold your breath for 15 seconds ♪

♪ How you ♪

♪ I been waiting all my life ♪

♪ I can't help it, turn down the lights ♪

♪ I know that you came to party ♪

♪ I know that you came to party ♪

♪ I know that you came to party, baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ I know that you came to party, baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ I'll always be a motha fucking problem child ♪

♪ I'm a 3D movie, no needed glasses ♪

♪ I'm a 3D movie, no needed glasses ♪

♪ If you didn't know it, you knowing it now ♪

♪ In Nike sweatsuits and Gucci links ♪

♪ In the shadows, big up to Shadow ♪

♪ It only feeds itself ♪

♪ It overheats and melts ♪

♪ It's crazy to think in the '80s I wanted minks ♪

♪ It's for its own survival, it's genocidal ♪

♪ Just because like a pit eats its pups ♪

♪ Lady ♪

♪ Later, we're gonna leave this party ♪

♪ Later, we're gonna leave this party ♪

♪ Later, we're gonna leave this party ♪

♪ Let's occupy all streets ♪

♪ Make you wanna fuck around tonight, bitch! ♪

♪ No place of origin, no beginning cycle ♪

♪ Nothin' stays in a steady state ♪

♪ Picking up the pieces, sifting through the rubble ♪

♪ Ringing in the new year, listening to the Double ♪

♪ Running with my wolves, and we out on the prowl ♪

♪ So cold, so cold ♪

♪ Tell me what you think, are we in trouble? ♪

♪ The safe spaces of love ♪

♪ The system, yo, I think it exists ♪

♪ This shit is so hot, that's what it's sounding like ♪

♪ To get cash while I'm sipping on drinks ♪

♪ To make you feel is ♪

♪ To spinning rocks? ♪

♪ Try to feel what I'm sayin' ♪

♪ Turn the fuck up, we going out tonight ♪

♪ We the boys everybody warned you about ♪

♪ We're so cold now ♪

♪ When we come down terrorizing your town ♪

♪ With somebody else's lady ♪

♪ With somebody else's lady ♪

♪ With somebody else's lady ♪

♪ Yeah, I alone love you ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪ *SILICON VALLEY Season 04 Episode 08 Title: "The Keenan Vortex"

♪♪ Rock Music Playing... Synchronized by srjanapala

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can't see me, but Nas moving the fastest ♪

♪ Feeling sorry's never really been my struggle ♪

♪ I'm a problem child, I be throwing tantrums ♪

♪ I'm gonna take some down tonight ♪

♪ I'm like a Russian mob figure, I'm mad low ♪

♪ Later, we're gonna leave this party with somebody else's lady ♪

♪ Let's get wild tonight ♪

♪ The the the system will defeat itself ♪