Community (2009) - Season 1 Edit

A 597?

A bald, bespectacled man held the door

A black person on a sailboat?

A cigarette,

A classmate of Jeff's?

A clay ashtray.

A complete stranger who happens to be

A dead body on the lawn.

A doctor?

A doddering old fool

A drunk dial? Was there b.C.I.?

A drunk dial.

A free rock and roll concert

A full load of classes every year.

A giant thumb in a turtleneck.

A gift for sinks. Big deal.

A girlfriend from my anarchist days was in town

A good day for hair products.

A good one.

A kettle, okay.

A laser!

A level six laser lotus.

A lifetime of observation, mostly.

A little gingerbread man at the wheel, and he's drunk.

A little more mature.

A lovely lady in my marketing class.

A man reaches a point in his life

A new jeff.

A night of companionship

A non keebler nose, and shutting up.

A person that may be in this room,

A phony drunk dial soaked in phony pity

A plus.

A punk ass who needs to be destroyed.

A real man doesn't bail on his friends

A reference my ears applaud.

A ringer.

A roll of quarters. Why?

A snowman!

A squiggly line circle.

A switch is a stick she can use to whup you with.

A time when a simple pillow fight...

A twist on a classic formula.

A vase.

A water filter that starts with "b."

A what?

Aaaaah!

Aaah!

Aah, it's on my leg!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Oh!

Abed and Troy's silly little games.

Abed is right.

Abed is.

Abed was playing was right

Abed, close. Oh, don't worry about me.

Abed, ew.

Abed, for guys like you,

Abed, how fast can you run to the theater department?

Abed, I've had enough of this list.

Abed, take it from a former prom king.

Abed, what a terrible thing to say.

Abed, what are you doing?

Abed, what if you just did jeff for jenny?

Abed, when we find this girl,

Abed, will you excuse us, please?

Abed, you don't have to do that.

Abed, you get back to the family tent, try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase.

Abed, you know we just want you...

Abed, you take a run at her.

Abed, you're not Batman.

Abed, you've inspired me too.

Abed, your dorm room's got a bunk bed, right?

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed...

Abed... You understand the point

Abed's really good at inviting people.

Abed's turtle face is really funny.

About 30 seconds after you walked away,

About abed and Troy's weird little relationship.

About free sephora samples.

About the lunch lady or that blonde in your spanish class

About this, I think we're done.

About yesterday

Abra wears a full burka in public,

Absolutely not.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Do you cook macaroni?

Absolutely. It's about Annie.

Absolutely. No need to mention it to anyone.

Abused and tortured their fellow students.

Accidental jibe!

Action.

Actually, can we not help you?

Actually, I do.

Actually, I had an idea for an extra credit project.

Actually, I was a lawyer.

Actually, I was gonna say merry semester, and...

Actually, if she doesn't mind reinforcing the stereotype,

Actually, no. She dumped me.

Actually, that was my present to Jeff.

Actually, that's a lot of right answers

Actually, we decided to watch runaway< /i> instead.

Actually, you look very early.

Adios, señor chang. Shalom, rabbi chang.

Adios. Adios.

Adios. Heh.

Admiral shirley. I like that.

Afraid of commitment.

After all we've been through, we got to stick together.

After I already explained the obvious lessons,

After I log some time with daddy warbucks?

After Jeff's fight.

After she's done shooting

After they murdered you?

After what?

Again, it's december 10th.

Again?

Again.

Against the raging sea.

Agh, this is gay! It's so gay!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh! Ack.

Agitated my sciatica.

Agnostic... Lazy man's atheist.

Agreed, but if you want to win,

Ah, bup, bup, bup.

Ah, I hate you!

Ah, this watch is expensive.

Ah, well, I'll play a violin for them,

Ah, you don't like a burka.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Then tell me who did so I can murder your face!

Ah.

Aha! I knew you were holding back.

Aha. Oh!

Ahem! I, uh... target group...

Ahem.

Ahem. Permission to speak! Mm hmm.

Ahh.

Ahoy!

Alberto, usted es feo.

Alerting students of the change.

All along the side it says "Greendale"!

All day long

All faculty at Greendale are required to give extra credit

All I ask

All I see is a housewife and a girl scout.

All of Abed's films are about us.

All of you... are moving on.

All over that table.

All over your debate/make out partner.

All right, all right, maybe we're not a family.

All right, annie, you sit here, okay?

All right, as you were.

All right, bye, everybody.

All right, class. Turn to page whoa.

All right, dial it back a little, Britta.

All right, everybody be cool.

All right, everybody just hang out...

All right, guys, are we gonna do this thing?

All right, guys, you hear that pause

All right, he's got a lot on his mind.

All right, here we go, uh...

All right, here we go.

All right, I am back in.

All right, I'll see you, babe.

All right, if this is gonna turn ugly, I can't be here I'm a two striker.

All right, let's spin those wheels and play.

All right, nobody here...

All right, that wasn't just a cadaver

All right, well, I haven't said a single word

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right...

All righty.

All sizzle, no steak.

All the condoms are faulty.

All the students leaving for so called real schools?

All this time, you've been warming him up

All this week, Greendale College

All this work to put a smile on her face,

All three or...?

All you have to do is walk away.

All your classes on a Monday and then take a six day weekend.

All: [blathering and shouting "duh"]

All: [blathering and shouting "duh"]

All: Duh!

All: Mm.

Almost.

Alone.

Also you might consider a darker top.

Also, if she's into abed, let's face it.

Although, Winger,

Always tearing people down,

Am I a bird?

Am I black boobs?

Am I gonna die in a car? Is it gonna happen soon?

Am I good looking?

Am I right, jew?

Am I?

Am I?

Amazing. He's like an evil genie.

Amber alert, you are allergic to peanuts.

Amber? Amber, there you are.

Amber's the best shot I'll ever have

Amy Sm...

An try it again.Chew.

An alibi for cobain's suicide?

An anonymous text message went out

An extra bottle of sports drink, do you?

An hour from the city.

An imaginary doody meter.

An online dating profile,

An opportunity. Mm.

And "the one Abed wants to nail."

And 30% hilary swank in boys don't cry.

And 273 text messages left before my rate tripled.

And a good day for a nutritious breakfast.

And a good day for... Kickpuncher.

And a lot of the credit goes to Pierce.

And a nervous breakdown ending with her running

And Abed's gonna shut up about it now.

And according to glenda, cadaver harry

And all anyone will feel for me is sorry.

And amber threw herself at me.

And Annie knows a thing or two about guilt.

And Annie's our friend.

And are ranked by their potential

And are you telling me you need a fake degree?

And as German poet Franz Wickmeyer once wrote...

And as much as I hate you and the cast of breakin',

And barked orders when the choppers came in.

And be a girl.

And be casual.

And because I love crosswords.

And big boobs and medium boobs and black boobs...

And britta makes me feel like the guy I am

And broke and can't afford an iPod, Schmitty?

And bury all your money in the backyard.

And can you finish the manger scene?

And can you sit down...

And celebrating a "B"

And check for breast lumps.

And cracking wise.

And cut our work in half?

And data

And did tony do something to fix that?

And didn't have time to go to the store.

And different.

And don't even think about getting near this case.

And don't have a chance in hell of getting in.

And drink martinis.

And even if it was,

And evil.

And fancy jobs don't impress people.

And fat albert...

And find the actor that's playing you.

And for every day that nobody confesses,

And get right into that horse's mouth.

And get stepped on every once in a while

And go dance with your stepdad.

And good people believe that people should be themselves.

And grind my own coffee, and understand HBO.

And guzzle him down right in front of you.

And harder!

And having my back

And he asked for his ring back.

And he corrected my Spanish.

And he cried after. And during.

And he never made a move on her.

And he thinks he's christian bale.

And he thinks that he can get back at me through you.

And he was a total jag about shutting me down.

And he's in my study group.

And he's no more related to amber than you are,

And he's now a student?

And head off for a spot of slap n' tickle?

And hear this on every level

And help us get babes.

And helping me fix my marriage.

And her jodie foster severity.

And here I am, like a spinster librarian

And hilarious.

And his beautiful, vivacious mom.

And hold hands, visit her parents?

And I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony.

And I am gonna make the best of it.

And I am gonna watch you drown in it.

And I am sorry. Is there anything I can get you?

And I appreciate the opportunity. You know, sometimes,

And I call this class...

And I can prove it.

And I can't believe that you're still doing it...

And I can't swim.

And I crush his windpipe with my three ring binder.

And I didn't create them.

And I don't even like that shirt!

And I don't know if you perceive it

And I don't know when,

And I don't like it when they stop kissing me

And I don't remember the name of the girl

And I don't wanna screw it up.

And I don't want anyone's help.

And I don't want to be anybody's friend.

And I fell in love with it, in a very straight way.

And I got so drunk that I got into a fight

And I guess I just have a really hard time

And I have offended you.

And I hope you'll be seizing a more contemporary movie.

And I just figured out how.

And I just rented Van Wilder 2: The Rise Of Taj,

And I know that during this stressful time,

And I know you'd never think of touching her

And I like to joke that she's just jealous

And I may just be a simple cop,

And I missed out on you guys,

And I never want to be the reason you're mad

And I realized that guy was a drag.

And I realized that, in the moment,

And I suck.

And I want him to know that I'm someone he can trust.

And I want you to be as happy as me

And I wanted to feel younger, like annie.

And I will be becoming

And I will follow.

And I will no longer continue

And I will no longer participate

And I will not be pitied.

And I won't let anyone stand in my way.

And I would be honored if you guys would attend,

And I would like to rap for you.

And I'd get to tell him, "go to hell".

And I'd like to make an offer.

And I'd like to thank my student Jeff Winger

And I'll beg you to stay, but you don't.

And I'm a tenured professor sitting in a beanbag chair.

And I'm bagging groceries for, like, 5 bucks an hour

And I'm deeply ashamed.

And I'm having a party.

And I'm his friend.

And I'm in the dog house.

And I'm not leaving till I've cleaned out the buffet.

And I'm striking out.

And I'm strong. Hmm? And I can kick.

And I'm sure it was the highlight of your diary,

And I'm taking doreen to annie's mixer tonight.

And I'm very effective.

And I've been a horrible teacher.

And I've graded you enough To know I'd never feel inadequate.

And I've never even seen the ocean.

And if all we need is an escape goat,

And if any of you leave, you'll be dead to me too.

And if any of you mention my dancing outside of class,

And if anyone asks, I sent you to learn things.

And if I were you, I'd tell her what she wants to hear.

And if it's multiple choice,

And if she finds out about this, it's over.

And if the ratio of work to pleasure

And if we let him be someone else without our help

And if you are, I'm a hero.

And if you can't do that,

And if you hang out with me sometime,

And if you promise not to tell me what you mean.

And improved night vision.

And in a few minutes, we gonna start the dance of the dead...

And in recognition of her bravery,

And into the receptacle below,

And invited me to the dance, I was shocked.

And is that a carb on your plate?

And is very happy living with them.

And it embarrassed her and made her sad

And it grows on what's there over time.

And it happened.

And it is achieving results

And it is quite hot,

And it is tight too. Did you buy it like that?

And it was only in your imagination.

And it was the best one.

And it won't be.

And it's all thanks to you.

And it's none of your business, but I ate my twin in utero.

And it's not like I'm hitting strip clubs

And it's possible I made a mistake.

And Jeff and I are like your Greendale parents.

And jordan, like the 14 time nba all star.

And just started laughing.

And just ten minutes ago,

And keep up whatever it is you're doing, Garrett.

And killed his entire driver's ed class

And knitting is hip.

And leave her an equally embarrassing message.

And let the rest in?

And listen to the soothing sound of my voice.

And look, Shirley,

And look.

And loves die hard.

And make an announcement before everyone leaves.

And maybe she can strip to it.

And maybe, just maybe,

And Monique, who's keeping record,

And music classes. You know?

And my aloofness unconsciously reminds them...

And my fashion sense may cause envy.

And my pupils are more sensitive to light

And next fall when that gets lonely,

And nobody can ever strip you of that,

And nobody uses intercourse to mean anything other than sex.

And now for our band, "Greene Daeye"!

And now I'm gonna win at paintball.

And now slater knows about all the drunk dialing stuff

And now that it is out, it is over, believe me.

And now two weirdos.

And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous

And now you hang out

And now, crickets.

And now, from City College,

And nuclear war has ravaged the planet.

And obviously, amber's my favorite.

And once someone spills bong water

And one french kid named lebron. That's profiling.

And one last lost and found announcement,

And only had one casualty.

And passion.

And Pierce being asleep for 11 of them,

And pierce isn't even dying.

And press the buttons g 14.

And pretending to be into steam boats.

And public speaking gives me the nervous sweats.

And racially accessible.

And really tried to be crowned queen of the dingbats?

And rescue an animal that genuinely needs my help

And romance...And vaginas.

And said he forgot to deliver...This.

And say the "p" word. I like being repressed.

And screening my mom's phone calls...

And second of all, where I'm from,

And she didn't like you so it felt useless to like her.

And she is super smart, if you know what I mean.

And she looked ridiculous.

And shirley's not my mom.

And six annoying but loveable misfits

And soon...

And start communicating with Jeff.

And start kissing my friends.

And starts looking for a place to hang his hat.

And stay in Spanish forever.

And stirring in sweetener and making him just right.

And such a creative way to tell the world you're gay.

And teaches a women' s only pilates class.

And tell me I'm getting very sleepy?

And tell the drama club

And tell us about your son

And thanks to all of you...

And thanks, you guys.

And that can be your toast

And that is what Milton was really saying

And that tables are female.

And that takes a lot of the pressure off,

And that was bad.

And that's a clam?

And that's elijah, like the prophet,

And that's Jeff locking lips with Annie.

And that's that the, uh...

And that's the mark of a real seaman.

And that's why you think pantsing me wasn't wrong?

And the and the dean...

And the act of dancing is considered

And the determination of the incomparable Robin Williams.

And the fireworks set off all the car alarms

And the good news is, we obviously do.

And the moustache guy was the brother on Entourage.

And the only way for her to get her power back

And the other could try it with Britta.

And the other's a renegade.

And the police come?

And the teacher said I can stay,

And the tie makes him...

And their star debater Simmons?

And then dropped the dime because you would do anything

And then gave him a copy of my poem

And then get your teeth knocked out by a Republican.

And then he's alive again and...

And then helps himself!

And then I thought, you know,

And then meet in the morning for eggs and...

And then shove me into a clothes dryer.

And then they said the cutest thing last night.

And then things changed.

And then tomorrow,

And then we can get you two on your very attractive way.

And then we could all get together

And then we found out a teacher did have aids.

And then you move to Vermont.

And then you said, "I should call jeff."

And then you'd get a free lawyer.

And there's a bunch of stuff left on the list.

And there's a vote, and if you win,

And there's no way to share it,

And these are all your little puppets.

And they are a magnet for lawsuits.

And they have a class at noon. Noon, everybody.

And they're always finishing each other's

And think about what you used to be.

And this has been your first taste

And this isn't a ploy for attention.

And this job is my life.

And threw a human corpse out a window.

And to both of you, sayonara.

And to her and Troy.

And to kick it off, here's a babbling brook.

And tore him to pieces.

And total BS

And treat her to a baggel.

And try attention grabbing words to wake up the audience

And turning her into yet another hottie

And unbeknownst to us, we're actually the target of ridicule

And uncomfortable position, and want to be...

And use them to smash in your friends' cars.

And we can still have a lovely evening.

And we can't drink.

And we drank.

And we have all joked around and rolled our eyes at him,

And we need a student editor.

And we ruled out your teacher,

And we showed you, high schoolers!

And we'll pay the price.

And we're back. Look who's here.

And what about respecting me as an adult and as a friend?

And what her heels and hemline are doing

And what I want is for you to tear up that check,

And what you like about yourself,

And when my face gets kicked.

And when that happens,

And when we have a serious discussion, I find that a...

And when you feel the desire to light up a cigarette,

And which of you would be the bad ass.

And while you're under so deep,

And who did abed call after that squirrel stole his hot dog?

And why are you here?

And why is she teaching Spanish if she's a doctor?

And wish you a merry Christmas.

And you already won, so shut it.

And you are a strong, dignified woman

And you are messing with me right now, aren't you?

And you are suspended.

And you boys go put a dead bird

And you can be his stepdaughter...Or not.

And you can put them on.

And you can thank the person that did it,

And you can't have an exam without a class.

And you did it so you could keep smiling.

And you didn't even get a statement out of mr. Winger?

And you don't deserve ice cream.

And you don't even want to.

And you don't have to dress like this to grow up.

And you don't see me saying anything crazy

And you gave it?

And you guys can bring a little trinket or doodad from your philosophies.

And you have to give it to her now, right, Jeff?

And you knew that talking to me about it

And you know what? It doesn't bother me.

And you man the iron jenny.

And you said troy was right.

And you said, "for being gay"?

And you say, "I'd like to slap

And you tailor it to your product.

And you wanted to feel like a bad friend,

And you went "Hmm."

And you'll all have to repeat this class.

And you'll all have to repeat this class.

And you'll all have to repeat this class.

And you're fooling around with him.

And you're my friend.

And you're the triple Pierce.

And you're too happy to be a student.

And your cigarette legged jeans.

And yours is signed, "love, troy"?

And, abed, you need to get with this girl immediately,

And, by the way, I could kick your ass...

And, more importantly,

And, on another subject,

And, Pierce, close the door, please.

And, sure, you weren't ready to take a sip yet,

And, uh, this is something I really need to say.

And, um...

And, you know what, Annie needs to stop dating Vaughn.

And, you know, you're scared that adding a new member

And...

And...

And...How long have you been doing it?

And...Thrilled.

Animal House.

Annie gonna move her luscious fanny

Annie ratted out Chang.

Annie will drop Vaughn in a hippie's heartbeat.

Annie, I was a lawyer.

Annie, I'm not big on planning ahead,

Annie, it's more than okay.

Annie, we were still gonna see each other all the time.

Annie, you flash your breasts as a decoy for the bum rush.

Annie, you realize that we'll be friends

Annie?

Annie.

Annie.

Annie...

Annie's pretty young. We try not to sexualize her.

Another muffin basket from another actress

Another person in the group.

Another special delivery from troy and pierce's

Anthropology?

Anthropology? Anthropology? Anthropology? Anthropology?

Anthropology? Anthropology? Anthropology? Anthropology?

Anthropology. I want you to be in my next film.

Any last words?

Any time.

Anybody could hit that.

Anyone else need a pee break?

Anything important.

Anything in there for troy?

Anytime.

Anyway, I have to detoxify for the ceremony.

Anyway, I've been doing a lot of soul searching,

Anyway, just reminding you to keep any April fool's prank

Anyway, next thing you know, I'm 32,

Anyways, ah...

Apologize? For what?

Apparently, it's a violation of some student equality act,

April fool's day is banished, okay?

Are actually placed on a watch list

Are putting us all on edge, which is why, ironically

Are the girls in the game?

Are two things you just can't knock out at the end.

Are we cool?

Are we cramming for Spanish or not?

Are we hugging or dancing?

Are we really gonna let religion divide us like this?

Are you a court appointed guardian for these people?

Are you a reporter?

Are you going to Abed's kegger?

Are you guys really going through with this?

Are you just doing this because slater hurt you?

Are you okay?

Are you perpetually on your way to the gym?

Are you saying we tell the group, together?

Are you staying for the party?

Are you sure it's the name of my grade school

Are you telling me you never been punched in the face?

Are you trying to get me to cut you in?

Are you two...?

Aren't you excited about talking to her?

Around a cushioned table... Like a man?

Around, yeah

Arts and crafts.

As a cyborg cop whose punches have the power of kicks.

As a divorced black housewife

As a guarded person, Britta?

As a sexual prospect.

As a student and work on his teaching degree.

As a teacher and as my friend,

As an agnostic, I'm gonna bring my winning smile.

As an excuse for when I beat you in a game...

As an option, and it all starts with Vaughn.

As campus security for 48 hours.

As golding's Lord of the flies demonstrates, man,

As men get older, they wanna spend their time

As most of you may realize by now,

As my daughter.

As opposed to handing it to them.

As priority registration.

As punishment,

As ruthlessly as he cut off troy and pierce's dignity.

As slowly as I wanted.

As something that could be improved,

As soon as I inherit the Earth, you a dead man.

As soon as we touch, the blinds will open,

As soon as you turn in your essays on Monday,

As the best athlete on campus, I need you to run to my office

As the cast of the Brady bunch.

As the family in the Brady bunch.

As we stand once again upon the deadline

As you can see, I am resurrecting

As you did on Valentine's Day.

As you know,

As you know, it is April fool's day.

Asian...

Ask her if she wants to play with us.

Ask the goat to explain it to you.

Ask the goat to explain it to you.

At 2:00 P.M.

At 3:00 a.M. Just to ask,

At 4:00 in the morning and hanging up

At a community college relying on phrases

At all times!

At any rate, if you show up, you get extra credit.

At greendale, April 1st

At her shotgun wedding to star burns.

At least he doesn't think that Shirley's my mom anymore.

At least she'll go down with honor.

At one point, I was teaching you Klingon!

At our school called "Green Week".

At princeton? Come on!

At something I suck at.

At something like a real daughter

At the end of round one,

At the escort service this time.

At the guy I was last semester,

At the reverse porky's that has happened here tonight.

At the stupid fair by putting one on a mannequin's stupid...

At the word "seamen."

At this rate, if we don't sleep or pee,

Attended by a rather enterprising transient

Attention, greendale students.

Attention, greendale students.

Attorney at "ah, snap."

Attractive.

Aw, come here, son.

Aw, he... he's...

Aw, man!

Aw! It's from the girl I'm dating.

Aw...

Awesome things

Awesome.

Awkward. How small is this campus?

B... banana penis.

Baaah Aaaah!

Baba booey, baba booey, baba booey.

Back already. Detail time?

Back to the campus.

Back to who I really am.

Bad tasting food.

Baggel.