Friends (1994) - Season 2 Edit

Actually, I have some news.

Actually, we're both the father.

Aim him at that pack of babes. Maybe one of them will break away.

All by myself

All right, call it in the air.

All right, fine, fine, fine!

All right, here you go, my friend. Eggs a la Eddie.

All right, that's it!

All right.

All right.

All the time running!

All yours.

And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.

And he's going to be paying this woman?

And I hate Central Perk

And I hope she can kick his ass.

And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.

And I'm sorry I almost broke your hand.

And lather, rinse, repeat

And lather, rinse, repeat

And not just because I have to.

And now there's no juice!

And right here is the puncture wound from your ring.

And she wants to do a video.

And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget

And the running.

And there was a baby in it.

And, like, a gold stick with a ball on top?

Anyway.

Are all invited to bite me

Are you sure he didn't break it? It's really hurt.

As needed

Ask your slippers a question...

At the supermarket in the ethnic food section.

Because you were mean to me...

Ben! Ben!

Better!

Big boy riding the bus

Blow drying what? You have no hair.

But according to the producer people, she doesn't have the right look.

But I remember people telling me about it.

But it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you think.

But it's not even that, you know?

But not really, because I put in the first two.

But now I love you.

But then Smelly Cat?

But this is my gig.

But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night.

But what about Phoebe?

But when I dial the telephone

But you wanted to live by yourself.

But, I mean, come on. You cannot do this to her.

Call Joanna.

Calm down. I'm blow drying.

Calm down. I'm blow drying.

Can I see something?

Can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?

Can you hold Ben for a sec?

Can you tell him that? Because he thinks he looks too pink.

Carry on.

Casa de Joey.

Celebrate. Celebrate...

Chandler, he has moved on, okay? You have to, too.

Check it out! Check it out!

Check this out! Is it a coffee table?

Come here, little one!

Come here. Come here.

Come on, seriously.

Come on, we want to do it. Don't we?

Come on! Pick up, pick up!

Consider it done!

Cool!

Cut it out!

Damn it, Ross! Get your butt out of the bathroom!

Damn it, Ross! Get your butt out of the bathroom!

Did I accidentally drop a condom in your case?

Did she leave a number?

Did you expect me to never find new eggs?

Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?

Did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?

Did you see me write one down?

Did you tell him about my squirt gun idea?

Do you know A minor?

Do you know how long it'll be before you have to deal with this problem?

Do you know how to go from D to A minor?

Do you?

Doctor, can I see you for just a moment?

Doesn't matter. Time for Baywatch!

Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Cranky Pants.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.

Don't freak out and say how great this is until I'm done.

Don't wanna live

Don't worry. Nothing can't be solved by happy keys.

Double jointed boy

Ducks is heads because ducks have heads.

Eddie likes it over there.

Eddie.

Eddie. He just met him.

Eggs!

Either that or my mouth is getting smaller!

Everybody, let's give a warm Central Perk welcome to

For those of you who wondering this is my real voice.

Forget about it. I'm having a ball!

From the top.

Fun? You think this is fun?

FYI:

Get out of here, cat! You stink!

Get out of here! This is our stop.

Get out, you doofus!

Get your coat. We're going to the hospital.

Give me that.

Go and have a seat. The doctor says it's got to be a needle.

God!

Goo, goo, goo!

Good plan. Next time we want to pick up women...

Got it!

Great.

Hat, milk..

He hates me. My nephew hates me!

He just comes in here, Mr. Johnny New Eggs...

He rode the bus today.

He said he might stop by after a shift.

He said he tell you he don't feel so good.

He wants to talk to you.

He was a double, double

He would definitely want you back.

He's decorated.

He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.

He's here when I go to sleep and wake up and when I want to shower.

He's here.

He's paying the people who were playing.

Heads, it is.

Heads.

Hello there. I'm Dr. Carlin.

Her name is Stephanie something. She's supposed to be very good.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here. I thought you might be cold.

Here's the deal: We lost a car seat on a bus.

Hey what time do you get off?

Hey, Ben! Remember us?

Hey, Christine! I got it!

Hey, Eddie.

Hey, excellent water, table thing.

Hey, he's not crying!

Hey, he's not crying!

Hey, I have a question.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, nice pillow.

Hey, they're running.

Hey, you. He's just adorable.

Hi, Mom.

Honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Honey, really. Don't squeeze it so hard!

How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?

How come Chandler didn't come?

How come it says, Property of Human Services?

How could anyone not love Yasmine Bleeth?

How did you find out?

How's my little boy?

How's the apartment?

I am sorry, but I'm incredibly talented!

I assume one of you is the father.

I assume we're talking about the baby?

I can do that.

I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is he?

I can't believe they made her lieutenant!

I can't believe you hated me.

I can't talk to you.

I can't work with people who would do this.

I did. I thought it'd be great.

I do, but Eddie makes them this way. They're pretty darn good.

I don't have her number, butt munch.

I don't know, when I sang Su su suicide...

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi

I don't need your charity

I don't think so.

I feel like I'm 16 again.

I figured I'd have time alone with my thoughts.

I got 25 cents and a condom.

I hated you when we were kids!

I hated you.

I have a phone.

I have a video. Pay attention.

I have just been discovered.

I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids.

I have to do this to her?

I have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants...

I hear the place looks great.

I helped him pick out a chorizo.

I hope Ben has a little sister.

I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.

I just came by to pick up my mail.

I just can't stand you being here...

I just met this producer of this teeny record company...

I know you don't want to hear this right now...

I loved you in a you're my brother so I have to way...

I mean, except in my own head.

I mean, I will clean it.

I mean, I will clean it.

I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then whoosh!

I mean, it was

I mean, like, who was that?

I mean, this poor woman.

I meant, he's paying that other woman because she's a professional.

I say always keep them running.

I see someone's having a little allergic reaction.

I sound amazing!

I think of all the friends I've known

I thought they were just watching me.

I thought we were fooling around, like when we were kids.

I thought you liked your eggs...

I used to do my songs because it made me happy.

I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.

I want to thank you for being there for me.

I was gonna play basketball...

I was wondering what somebody might do if they left a baby on a city bus.

I was.

I won't beg you to stay

I wrote it this morning in the shower.

I'd like to start with a song I wrote for the first man I ever loved.

I'll clean the cappuccino machine!

I'll see you.

I'll take that.

I'm allergic to kiwi.

I'm doing research for a book.

I'm done now.

I'm gonna get a new Band Aid.

I'm gonna get a new Band Aid.

I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.

I'm happy for you.

I'm here. I'm here.

I'm in the shower And I'm writing a song

I'm just not getting...

I'm not done yet, okay?

I'm not feel too good either.

I'm not getting a shot. Maybe they can take the needle...

I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.

I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.

I'm sorry, no!

I'm sorry. My pie was in your hood.

I'm telling you, it'll be worth it.

I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.

I'm unemployed, and my nephew hates me!

I've decided to pay a professional musician to play here on Sundays.

I've never heard myself sing before.

I've never wanted you more.

If Dino was a velociraptor, he'd have eaten the Flintstones.

If that goes well, they may even want to make an album.

If you care about me, get the pie out of the man's hood.

If you really wanna watch that Serengeti thing, we can.

If you take him out for a walk, remember to bring his hat.

In fact, there was actually a request for Smelly Cat.

In here.

Is he the one with the beautiful wife?

Is it a panther? There's no need to decide.

Is that Joey guy gonna pick up his moose hat or should I toss it?

Is this guy great, or what?

Is your tongue swelling up?

It makes me want to pee.

It was like when we first started living together.

It'll never last. He's just a rebound roommate.

It's a known fact that women love babies.

It's because he had a thing with the...

It's definitely getting worse.

It's funny you should mention that because I was thinking...

It's great you're doing this.

It's just pretty people running around on the beach.

It's just that this costs $100 a minute to be in here.

It's kind of an emergency.

It's like I'm living with him again.

It's my TV!

It's not that your friend is bad.

It's not your fault

It's not your fault

It's not your fault

It's not your fault

It's not your fault

It's not your fault

It's Smelly Cat, the video!

It's terrific. I mean, it's a regular space...

It's that she's so bad...

It's time for...

It's what I came for.

It's white plastic and it fits onto a stroller.

Jacket, now!

Joey, promise me something.

Joey, she does not look fat.

Just call me angel Of the morning, angel

Just call me angel Of the morning, angel

Just let her go on after Stephanie whatever her name is.

Just practicing. You're good.

Just to get the ball rolling and to make myself feel better.

Just touch my cheek Before you leave me, baby

Kiwi? Kiwi?!

Lather, rinse, repeat

Let go of my hand!

Let me hold him for a sec.

Let's not go. Anyone up for Scrabble?

Like at an aquarium, you know?

Listen, you are not going to believe this...

Look at me!

Look at that talent.

Look at the cranial ridge, okay?

Look at you! You did pretty well.

Look, I refuse to get sucked into...

Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

Maybe if we could talk about this...

Maybe it's about the chicken that lay them.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe this is not about the eggs.

Mine does.

Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again, all right?

Monica keeps changing the channel.

Monica, stop! This is nuts.

Morning.

Much better. Good.

My brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt

My brother has a slight phobia about needles.

My brother, the Ph.D., would like to know...

My little nephew.

My name is written out there in chalk.

My skin is soapy and my hair is wet

My uncle Sal has a really big tongue.

My uterus just skipped a beat.

Never call me from that phone.

Nice to meet you.

Nice toilet.

No one's home

No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.

No, I'm not some sloppy second, you know, charity band.

No, it's just a good bone bruise.

No, no, no. Behind it.

No, no. I'm sorry, it's:

No, thanks, man. I'm not really into sports.

No, there is no way he was a velociraptor.

No, you're not. You're allergic to lobster and peanuts and

Nobody likes two eggs equally. I wanna know which one you like better.

Not that!

Now everyone knows everyone. Let's try it again.

Now I'm Mommy in this little play?

Now it's a spare room?

Now it's just all about the money, you know?

Now, I haven't seen it yet, so if you don't like it...

Of course I clean it.

Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy.

Oh, boy! You are doing so good.

Oh, my God, Ross, it's... You're just...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! She's smelly cat!

Oh, my God! This is so exciting! How much am I gonna get?

Oh, my God! You won't believe this!

Oh, seriously, you want him?

Okay, here we go.

Okay, I told you not to do that yet.

Okay, man.

Okay, Pheebs, but what about you?

Okay, Phoebe. You ready to try one?

Okay, so you're not a fan.

Okay, sorry.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, the mole came off.

Or clowns.

Or you know, like some old dog who's kind of like stinky and

Or, you know, he's rubber and you're glue.

Please tell me you know which one is our baby.

Pretty different, huh?

Rachel, sweetheart, could I see you for a minute?

Really?

Really? From who?

Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?

Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?

Remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?

Remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?

Remember when I stuck that broom in your spokes...

Right!

Right. I got it.

Right. My name was on there, but now it just says carrot cake.

Ross, don't squeeze it so hard.

Run, Yasmine! Run like the wind!

Run!

Run!

See you, pals.

See you.

See, this is the brilliance of the show.

She has a great voice, but she doesn't have a video.

She'll call back. Don't be such a baby.

She's like one of those animals at the pound...

Shut up!

Since we're neighbors, what do you say we get together for a drink?

Since you've been here, you're driving me...

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly cat, smelly cat

Smelly, smelly, smelly Really bad smelling smelly cat

Smelly, smelly, smelly Really bad smelling smelly cat

Smoking!

So are you the professional guitar player?

So does your guitar have a strap?

So how many chords do you know?

So how's the palace?

So I'm gonna go take a nice long hot bubble bath...

So tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?

So the cat stinks, but you love it. Let's go.

So what do you say, boys? Should I call him?

So what do you say, boys? Should I call him?

So what do you think?

So what's it about?

So why don't you show us the rest of your casa?

So you wanna watch Entertainment Tonight?

So you want to go to Markel's?

So, you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.

So?

Sorry, they were all out of apple pie. Someone just got the last piece.

Sorry! I got my S's back!

Sorry.

Stay back! I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!

Stephanie knows all the chords

Stop me if you've heard it

Stop the bus!

Stop, don't do this. You are just unemployed.

Sure, they love us over there.

Sure.

Sweetie, before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your place?

Taxi! Taxi!

Terry is a jerk! That's why we always say, Terry's a jerk!

Terry's a jerk And he won't let me work

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks. I love this. But you know what?

That is so funny! Let me see that a sec.

That one has ducks on his T shirt and this one has clowns.

That one's Ben! Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth!

That song has so many levels.

That was you?

That wasn't fun for you?

That's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord!

That's great.

That's great. Why don't you tell Mommy on me?

That's my sister's boyfriend.

That's okay.

That's okay. I'm sorry I poisoned you.

That's right, my friend.

That's the beauty of Smelly Cat.

That's the brilliance of it.

That's what's gonna kill me.

That's where that came from.

The best part! Come on.

The One Where Eddie Moves In

The One With the Baby on the Bus

The pretty people.

The record company sent this paper for me to sign saying it's okay...

The voice woman.

Then I won't have to kill you.

Then slowly turn away

There are thousands of places in this city...

There is no top, all right?

There we are.

There we go, all better.

There's another carton there.

There's milk in the refrigerator and diapers in the bag.

There's my little baby, Ben!

There's my little boy.

There's no juice for the people who need the juice. I need the juice!

There's our stop.

There's still pie!

They were infected. He wouldn't have made it.

They were infected. He wouldn't have made it.

They won't take you to the vet

They're your backup singers. Behind you, hon.

This is new. Where'd you two meet?

This is so cool! Now I can hear what you hear!

This is where I play.

This isn't about juice anymore, all right, man?

This voice woman, she's so talented.

This! Us!

To Stephanie Schiffer!

Tony, can I call you back?

Tony, can you hold on? That's the other line.

Tough. We're watching Predators of the Serengeti.

Transit Authority?

Under these circumstances, it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.

Wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.

Wait, forget them. We got one. Hard left.

Wait, hold on, Tony. Hold on.

Wait, wait, wait!

Want to smell him?

Was that the oven timer?

We can talk.

We could tape Entertainment Tonight.

We didn't bring enough stuff.

We got to talking. He needed a place, and I had a spare room.

We had a good talk last night...

We have to assign heads to something!

We live in the building by the sidewalk.

We'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.

We'll watch him.

We're just having fun.

We're the guys that called about the baby! Is he here?!

We're two heterosexual guys hanging with the son...

Well, don't think me immodest, but...

Well, great.

Well, I got what I came for.

Well, me.

Well, okay.

Well, people missed you in there.

Well, we are great guys.

Well, yeah. In that it's not being used...

Well, you guys...

Well, you're not 16. You're both adults now.

Were you taking a nap?

What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to the hospital.

What about the time I hit you in the face with Sylvian's pumpkin?

What agency did you two go through?

What are they feeding you?

What are they feeding you?

What are they feeding you?

What are they feeding you?

What are they feeding you?

What are we gonna do?

What are you doing?

What chicken, there is no chicken.

What do we do about this?

What if my own baby hates me? What do I do then?

What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday?

What will you do?

What woman?

What?

What?

What'd I tell you?

What's going on, man?

What's going on?

What's in this pie?

What's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore.

What's up?

What's with the boxes?

When I play, I play for me

When'd you start using moose in your hair?

Where's your baby?

Which we can celebrate later.

Who is this little cutie pie?

Who the winny binny boy?

Who's working for you, babe?

Whoa! Oh, my God!

Whose eggs do you like better, his or mine?

Why did you hate me?

Why doesn't he just give her a throne and a crown?

Why don't you ask him yourself? This is my new roommate, Eddie.

Why don't you just follow me.

Why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?

Why is he still crying?

Why? Why can't you stand me being here?

Will you try some, there are some extra.

With me

Women love guys who love babies. It's the sensitive thing.

Would you guys stop!

Wow, Joey, this is...

Yeah, he is.

Yeah, I just...

Yeah, I was feel much better when someone shaked Jacks medal in my face.

Yeah, I'm Stephanie.

Yeah, me too. I think that's the challenge.

Yeah, okay. All right.

Yeah, she's here, but can she call you back?

Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.

Yes, I realize that would be a stupid character.

You are gonna love this.

You are so good, hi, you are so good.

You don't clean the cappuccino machine?

You don't even have a boyfriend yet.

You don't keep it on this table anymore?

You don't?

You done?

You guys live around here too?

You had a thing.

You hated me when we were kids?

You know it?

You know what they say:

You know what?

You know what? Let me just see what else I could do.

You know, actually, it's getting better. It is.

You know, I once dated a Miss Cranky Pants.

You know, this whole playing for money thing is so not good for me.

You know, you can't just erase chalk.

You like that show?

You may not be a bed of roses

You okay?

You probably did everything you could.

You really think he'd take me?

You said it was a key lime pie.

You the winny winny binny binny boy!

You took your eggs and you left!

You understood?

You wanna play some foosball?

You want Daddy to change your diaper? I know, I know.

You want to hear the song I'm singing this afternoon?

You want to squeeze my hand?

You won't be here. You don't pay her.

You'll have to accept the fact that you're just friends now.

You're just going to have to be brave. Can you do that for me?

You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.

You're not...

You're obviously not their favorite pet

You're saying that because you love Yasmine Bleeth.

You're the baby.

Your boyfriend has been in there for an hour!

Zachary

All of them. So you know D?

Art. Art it is.

Done. Really?

Flip for the baby? You got a better idea?

Get off my back. Get out of my face.

Get the what? There's a pie in the hood. Go!

Give me the baby. No, I got him.

Here you go. Thanks a lot.

How are you two getting along? I couldn't be happier.

I decorated it myself. Get out!

I'm really sorry. It's okay.

Likewise. How you doing?

Lui. Where is Howard? He went home.

No, thanks! All right.

Oh, my God! I know.

Quit it! Bite me!

That's me. I'm him.

Well, I like both eggs equally. Oh, come on!

What are you guys out doing today? We're not out.

Where's the mail? Over there on the table.

Will he be okay? He's gotta get a shot.

You have a phone in here? That's right.

You want to try it again? From the top?

... fest!

...all the time!

...and I have it to spare.

...and I'll be back in the hospital by 7.

...and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.

...and squirt it into my mouth. Like a squirt gun.

...and swirl it around.

...and you hit your head on the curb?

...and you teased me and you always got your way.

...Baywatch!

...because I need to feel that you really care about the cat.

...because you kids are driving me crazy!

...but basically, I hated your guts.

...but I guess that's out the window.

...but that is not me singing on the video.

...but we've seen him in his new place. And he's happy.

...but when I moved out, I hurt him bad.

...for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.

...how smelly this cat actually is.

...I got, like, $1.75.

...I'm out of here.

...if there's any way to treat this orally?

...me.

...of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight guy stuff.

...roommates anymore.

...she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain...

...so what? None of you ever made a video.

...that everyone gets...

...this weird little Geller dimension thing, okay?

...wanted to call and say hey.

...we should go to the park and make out.

...where people would pay to hear me play.

...who nobody wants because they're not pretty.

...who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound...

...with his moving the mail and his See you, pals.

...with the bread with the hole in the middle, a la me!

...with the thing.

...you're going crazy.

$8. 27.