Resident Alien (2021) - Season 1 Edit

A 16 year old girl named Jay.

A baby to come home with you that day.

A bunch of idiots just sitting around drinking mead,

A city bus plows right into 'em.

A dude said a racist thing to you,

A good boy?

A little bit different sometimes.

A little good cop, bad cop. I like that plan.

A little more calming this time?

A little toxic?

A lot of cool merchandise. Thank you.

A lot of people when it comes out.

A missing piece for my radio

A new school, a new life.

A special skill set that makes aliens fear me.

A truck'll rip 'em right off.

A, B, C oh, my God. Huh?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Abigail Hodges

Abigail Hodges, you're under the arrest

Abigail was the doctor's wife. She's been out of town.

About her next sniff and puff?

About Jay's behavior?

About number 62.

About the "death" and "crazy"?

About the human race after all.

About the investigation into Sam's murder.

According to the local paper, it was a simple robbery.

Actually, don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise.

Actually, she is mad.

Actually, this isn't bad.

Actually, you know what?

After Max goes off to college,

After my ship crashed, I was on my own for two weeks.

After tearing the heart out of a 16 year old girl?

After what you did last night.

After what you'd been through. Come on.

Against you in a court of law.

Ah mm.

Ah, excuse me.

Ah, God. How do people...

Ah, had no worries, I guess.

Ah, screw it. This thing is useless.

Ah! Oh.

Ah.

Aha, X marks the spot.

Ahh.

Aim the telescope at the green energy

Ain't you got no respect for the dead?

All beings of the universe are different.

All eight billion of them.

All he or she would need to do is inject the toxin

All he or she would need to do is inject the toxin

All I do is surgically remove the skin

All I need is an empty room, a spoon, and a pie.

All I need is the Internet,

All kinds

All out over here.

All right, be safe.

All right, I hear you.

All right, okay.

All right, thank you.

All right, then. Well, night.

All right, you gotta pick the restaurant.

All right?

All right? It's a human life, asshole.

All right? You and Harry murdered a guy.

All right.

All right.

All right. [moans]

All right. Sure, have a seat.

All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't worry!

All set. Here you go.

All those ancestry testing kits.

All we need is food to fuel our body.

All you had to do was reach out and take it.

All: Kill the creature! Catch the beast!

All: Shot, shot, shot!

All: The 59!

All: To the 59!

Along with appropriate screenings

Also just a quick heads up,

Also STDs. STDs?

Also, I had a standing 4:00 therapy appointment

Also, I stole beer for a guy from a gas station I worked at.

Also, my mom wanted to thank you

Also, you know what I heard? JT is having a party later.

Also...

Am I no longer my people?

Am I ugly to you?

Ambien.

An alien on an alien planet, danger everywhere.

An alien? What you mean?

An alien.

An extraterrestrial.

An unhinged psychotic.

An unprotected fall into a crevasse.

Anatomical forms, but I am too weak.

And a gray cloud that looks like a bunny.

And a little bit more sensitive?

And a slice of pie.

And a voicemail from you screaming,

And all that we have now is is is a dead foot.

And anxiety.

And anyone who doesn't wanna keep it that way

And as the mayor, it's my job to do what's best

And Asta is gone now. What?

And be dead.

And break us out! Ah, crap.

And brutal like my people.

And by now my dad will know that I'm missing.

And definitely something I wish was happening

And dirt.

And discovering he was implanted with the very chip

And don't lie.

And eat us.

And eating escargot, which you hate?

And ended up at this random place for no reason.

And every other weekend,

And four arms?

And frankly, he is driving me crazy.

And fry every human being on Earth,

And get me a DNA sample.

And get off this rock, I need to fix my ship.

And get rid of this body.

And get yourself some all weather tires,

And go stand up to that power trip.

And going through life without hair is no fun.

And guess what, alien. You can't kill me.

And hand it to the sheriff.

And Harry's on call this afternoon.

And have failed my mission. Well, what's the good news?

And have the ashes sprinkled into the ocean.

And have to live outside on the street.

And he would never kill himself.

And he's gone.

And he's got, this, like, really big house in the hills

And he's never shown anything like this before, you know?

And he's not just an alien,

And he's, like, begging me to go,

And head back home.

And here it is.

And his deputy, Liv Baker.

And I admire that about you.

And I already took care of Sam's office.

And I am right and you are wrong,

And I can graduate in five minutes.

And I can sit alone.

And I can't talk to Asta. I can't talk to my parents.

And I come home to that.

And I don't even know how to act in front of her.

And I found repeated calls,

And I get it.

And I had to slingshot it down from a cell tower.

And I hate to tell you this,

And I have a responsibility to the people here.

And I have reason to believe that same someone

And I just need one person, just one.

And I just want you to know I'm okay with it.

And I just wanted to see your son's room

And I know that that's not what you all have experienced.

And I love that you're writing things down.

And I mean a shit ton of them, to one number.

And I need someone in this town to talk to

And I need to put a stop to it before he strikes again.

And I need you to be honest with me.

And I never worried about any of them.

And I plan on finding it.

And I realizedwe didn't have an MRI machine.

And I saw a freezer full of meat,

And I saw a freezer full of meat,

And I saw them search my house. What?

And I smeared my best lipstick to be here.

And I sold it to make a couple of bucks.

And I think I know where he's going.

And I think I said too much already.

And I think that maybe they were prescribed

And I thought it was a dead body.

And I thought it was a dead body.

And I tried moose once.

And I wanna remind you, all right,

And I was gonna bake bread, but there wasn't enough time.

And I was hoping you could take me tomorrow

And I was on a path, and then I got off a path,

And I went to go shit in his car,

And I will have the escargot.

And I will take your silenceas a "yes."

And I wouldn't be able to tell. It's like

And I'd like you to think of this as a safe forum

And I'll come get my things tomorrow.

And I'll stop telling everyone you're an alien.

And I'm feeling that pit in my stomach.

And I'm gonna need a hair sample.

And I'm kind of hoping that's him out there, you know?

And I'm not blind anymore.

And I'm not blind anymore.

And I'm not going anywhere

And I'm not taking "no"for an answer.

And I'm not turning into someone else.

And I'm only doing it for the extra credit.

And I'm very sorry and it sucks,

And I'm with Mom on Thanksgivings,

And ice hornets.

And if for some reason he did,

And if he tries to run, kill him.

And if I die, they'll know you did it.

And if I wanted them involved,

And if so, then you have to ask the question,

And if you've read my books, you'll know I possess

And imparted knowledge to the local population.

And it has order.

And it was the first murder in Patience

And it will calm you.

And it's actually perfect timing,

And it's freakin' delicious.

And it's gonna hurt a lot of people when it comes out.

And it's nice to have couple friends who we can

And it's not just the stories, he's

And it's really been great having you.

And joust or arm wrestle or something?

And just chopped the foot right off.

And kill them all.

And killing makes them feel strong...

And knit me a sweater?"

And less time watching "Law & Order" marathons.

And long before that.

And looking at your skull...

And lose in front of the whole world?

And most of them are nothing, okay?

And my life is horrible. Wow.

And my mission has become to find aliens,

And my testicles tighten.

And next time, you use your hand signals.

And nobody can know what you're doing nobody.

And nobody's sending you away.

And not alone.

And not on the main road.

And nothing else.

And now he's like, "Which is it?"

And now he's, like...blunt.

And now I'm just...

And now they're driving around searching for him.

And now you're in Colorado playing Dr. Fix It?

And now, with a belly that's bursting

And once she microwaved fish in the kitchen.

And one of the people here is the murderer.

And our current timeline puts the killer

And pick them up on my way to space.

And playing with it in their driveway,

And pull out the organs autopsy?

And quite frankly, I can tell you right now,

And rebirth.

And roughly 90 Earth minutes later,

And said they needed to talk to you.

And see you at 6:00.

And sent a ransom note.

And set him up in the nurse's office?

And share with the room

And she cannot barge into an exam room.

And she knows.

And she thinks she saw a dead you in the freezer.

And she wanted you to take this box

And she wants to make you dinner.

And she won't be coming back for a while.

And she works at the clinic.

And she's not responding to my calls.

And she's right. It's Sam Neill!

And shout it to everyone.

And smack your ass back to birth,

And smells of slightly burnt caramel corn.

And somebody need to open up a damn window

And somehow snuck us home.

And steals the fruit from the bottom.

And still be alone.

And still have pizza to eat for days.

And still look like shit.[laughs]

And take notes.

And that alien? I mean

And that every being matters.

And that girl and that vicious dog

And that little bastard Max is Michelangelo.

And that makes you more than just a loser.

And that side is the sheriff's office?

And that you've been so diligent

And that's exactly what a mother does.

And that's if it's even hiding as a human.

And the alien is someone we know.

And the alien's going to come to us.

And the best person in the world.

And the coroner won't come until the roads clear.

And the doctor are getting along?

And the new doctor approved the paperwork yesterday.

And the next minute, I was lying in a ditch

And the rest of us are playing checkers.

And the rest of us are playing checkers.

And the universe will restore balance

And then 2006, I went to Torino.

And then ceases being.

And then faster.

And then he has these scales going back

And then he left town and he moved to Ohio, so...

And then I found out that I shit in your car.

And then I saw it.

And then I will mount you,

And then I will transformthe molecules into human shape.

And then I'd have to murder her.

And then I'll slow down.

And then I'm going to leave.

And then split open with hundreds of babies.

And then they kill their crying babies.

And then this happened.

And then this happened. How did you do that?

And then we wouldn't have an alien, would we?

And then you find a locker combo

And then you just ran off with him.

And then you killed him. You remember?

And then you stonewalled the lawyers for months.

And then, judging from the angle of the wounds,

And there are district attorneys who...

And there are towers."

And there is a 15% discount for city employees.

And there's no shame in admitting that.

And these people trust you with a gun.

And these seven bananas.

And they both run out of rooms when they get emotional.

And they have the same stories.

And they put it in

And they put something in me. [audience gasping]

And they will sculpt statues of me.

And they're considered "navels of the world"

And they're not only men.

And think of all the people I want to kill?

And this cute little guy is Sage.

And this whole thing it's just too expensive.

And those other creatures who had lost their way

And thought, "Well, now I got to kill Grandma."

And to finding the bastard who killed Sam.

And touchy.

And tried to kill him.

And tried to stab me with a scalpel.

And used his DNA

And very disrespectful.

And wait for Sam to use it, like a ticking... bomb.

And wait for Sam to use it.

And watch Jerry Orbach with that hot ham in my house?

And we don't use the word hate in this family, remember?

And we have a bunch of patients coming in.

And we will kill everyone on Earth together?

And we're all laughing at how pathetic I was

And we're not gonna rest until we find it.

And we're not gonna rest until we find it.

And whatever was flying it.

And when give birth, they're like, "What is this?"

And when humans are smart,

And when I came back out, you and Harry were gone, so

And when it does, I want you

And when Sam caught you, you poisoned him, didn't you?

And while we're at it, I don't really feel like

And who are you?

And why wouldn't he? I'm a likable alien.

And will be used against you in a court of law.

And wrapped in...

And yes, I knew that when I hired her.

And you agree with my doorknob instincts.

And you always do the right thing.

And you are not alone.

And you both eat like you're starving to death.

And you buying her lunch? I see how it is.

And you leave it in the sun,

And you left and drove away.

And you made breakfast. Lucky me.

And you owe me $100 for the bike.

And you really came through.

And you shouldn't trust your balls.

And you wanted me to get a yearly checkup from that thing.

And you'd hang out with Sam.

And you're dumb.

And you're lucky you passed.

And you're skinny.

And your baby was born on my exact birthday.

And your baby was born on my exact birthday.

And your brown shirt, it's nice very norm core.

And your domesticated wolf woke it up

And your nickname is Miss...

And your talent for unleashing chaos in my life

And zoom all the way in.

And, after all these months,

And, D'arcy, you were here, too.

And, finally, there it is.

And, like or she could be dead.

And, like, intestines are, like, trailing out

And, like, she's in the back of a car, like, in a trunk,

And, of course, I had my own encounter,

And, uh, I heard nothing.

And, well...

Another example of humans being weak and inefficient.

Any fingers or toes or anything.

Any real man...

Anyone has ever said to me

Anything you say can

Anything you say can and will be used

Anyway, I'm not surprised you've never heard of them.

Anyway, soon the only people who won't be in the database

Apparently you can be with other humans

Are also put off by strong women.

Are hermits and babies.

Are on two opposite ends of the planet,

Are outdoors and not stuck inside

Are seven brothers shot into the sky like arrows.

Are they cyborgs?

Are y'all raising in this house, huh?

Are you coming?

Are you dead too?

Are you dreaming of pizza?

Are you high? You're baked.

Are you listening to me?

Are you living in your truck?

Are you playing with a yo yo?

Are you shitting me right now?

Are you the town doctor?

Are you waiting for a bus?

Around your boy so you don't lose him.

As "The Alien Tracker."

As a clinical psychologist.

As a firefighter or a pedophile

As a loved one being poisoned to death.

As a stepladder since Halloween, so...

As an art afficionado, what do you say about this?

As far as humans go, I'm handsome.

As I recall, I don't think we ever officially broke up.

As I was allowing myself to feel my feelings,

As it was meant to be.

As she is busy enjoying her life.

As simple as burning off a wart.

As we would have all gone into hypothermia

As you know, self examination

Asta and Harry were down even further

Asta had to take him to Braddock for an MRI.

Asta!

Asta!

Asta! Are you in there?

At a really young age.

At an alien experiencer panel?

At exactly the same time,

At least he wouldn't have died alone.

At least I know where I can come if I need meat, right?

At least I'm killing them for a good reason.

At least part idiot.

At Sam's office on the night of his death.

At the supermarket.

At which point, it would be too late

Awesome.

Back from the lab in Denver.

Back of the hand to the bar is a pin.

Banging on my door like that at the crack of dawn.

Barren womb, heart disease guy,

Based on my encounter,

Based on the current,

Bashed up on the rocks.

Be careful with that.

Be honest.

Be well.

Beamed through the roof of my car.

Because distribution is so complex.

Because he can't see the alien, right?

Because he's bad at his job.

Because he's going to be cremated

Because he's just drunk, and deep down

Because I believe you.

Because I'm mature for my age.

Because it was clenched around the scalpel.

Because it's not right to waste food!

Because Liv could hold my earrings.

Because of all the time I spent in Haiti.

Because once I detonate my device

Because one time at a town hall,

Because she's a hypochondriac.

Because somebody's died, so.

Because that's that's spaghetti.

Because we live in make believe times.

Because you were a hero and then you fell?

Because you were afraid of getting hurt.

Before even six hours.

Before I drank the milk.

Before I start needing dick pills.

Before my pastrami sandwich gets cold.

Before she up and left me.

Before the breeze dries out the lettuce.

Before the snow hits.

Before the weather turns.

Before you go home, take out the trash.

Before you met her, so...

Before you say that's sexist, that's just a fact.

Being a possible method of delivery is genius.

Beings do what needs to be done in order to survive.

Belongs to the state of Colorado.

Ben Benny was my first kiss. [laughs]

Ben and I are going to move there.

Ben, could you take him, please?

Ben, this is Sarah and Richard Houston.

Besides,

Besides, I was dating this guy, and he sort of ghosted me.

Between life or death,

Big day tomorrow.

Big gulps.

Bit of a giver, myself. [chuckles]

Both: ♪ Hey, Dirty!

Both: ♪ Hey, said hey

Both: ♪ I can fly higher

Both: ♪ Said hey

Both: It wasn't white and gold?

Both: Mwah!

Both: There you go.

Botulinum Toxin A levels are through the roof.

Botulinum toxin A levels are through the roof.

Botulinum toxin is a poison.

Botulinum toxin.

Boys like you in prison, they call you sweet meat.

Breakfast? Oh, my God, please.

Built to provide energy for 5,000 years

But a grief counselor is coming

But a pain in the ass to get to.

But after searching a half dozen mountains,

But apparently not built to withstand

But are you gonna arrest me for having a social life?

But between now and Christmas?

But do you really think he's running

But every organism comes into being

But everyone will be dead. How will they know?

But having found the tellurium,

But having this Alien Tracker in my grips

But he has very low motility.

But he wasn't exactly qualified.

But he's just a teddy bear...

But hey, you got to the bottom it.

But I I kinda think we shouldn't drag this whole

But I can hear them without getting in trouble.

But I can't find any.

But I don't want to embarrass you

But I feel like I am losing my mind

But I knew Asta wanted to.

But I knew he wouldn't mess with me again.

But I know what you're not. You are not my friend.

But I loved Isabelle. How do you know?

But I never really felt like I fit in.

But I promise you, she has a family

But I saw a dead body down there.

But I think I'm better having known you.

But I think you're kind of awesome.

But I want us to be a team.

But I wanted to keep it so I could get home.

But I was never really happy to begin with.

But I wasn't sure

But I would have had to saw him in half.

But I'd say...

But I'm down if you're down.

But I'm down if you're down.

But I'm just giving her space for once.

But I'm not quite at "egg in my whiskey" phase yet.

But if crash evidence goes up the chain of command,

But if he didn't, there is a killer out there, okay?

But if I'm dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy

But in about 15 minutes,

But is there something you want to say to me, Deputy?

But it didn't kill me.

But it doesn't matter. I don't care.

But it feels different.

But it looks like the botulism closed his windpipe,

But it may be...

But it's believed that the Quimbaya learned

But it's broken. So he's trying to fix it.

But it's probably "Men in Black."

But it's true.

But let's kiss and make up.

But lucky for us, the man who used

But maybe it's simpler.

But maybe to get your mind off of it, you come out with me.

But maybe, with insulin as the method of delivery,

But not for everybody.

But okay.

But she goes to the same school as the pill popper,

But she never knew.

But sheriff won't let me get one.

But some people saw it as white and gold?

But sometimes I look at you, and...

But that means if I set off my device,

But that night, when I realized your mother wasn't coming back,

But that's not so bad. Pandas are really dumb.

But the universe has been to them.

But then I'd have to get a job

But then I'd have to learn how to sculpt.

But then something changed.

But then you have to leave right away.

But they didn't make me feel any better.

But they have no record of it.

But they never gave credit for their day planner.

But this isn't you.

But this lake definitely is holding some clues.

But this stormfront's

But this whole thing is for everybody.

But to kill the human known as Harry Vanderspeigle.

But trust me,

But trust me, it has an underbelly.

But we finally figured out the ship's cloaking ability

But we have a broken child.

But we realized it was a very bad motto.

But we'll be back tomorrow.

But we're gonna get who did this.

But what I've begun to realize is,

But what if that's not true?

But what if that's not true?

But when I found the tellurium,

But whoever stole those pads is someone you know,

But with so many people in the database these days,

But with that love comes the pain

But yeah, it was

But you always remember where you were when they came.

But you know what she really wants?

But you shouldn't linger too long.

But you're gonna need to release that cornice buildup

But you're in good hands with Harry.

But you're not the only one who loved Sam, all right?

But, anyway, if you're gonna go around killing people,

But, uh, D'arcy broke into your cellar last night

But, yes, this is a thing now.

But...

But...there is a special school

Buzz off.

By inserting botulinum into an insulin vial

By making me think you own a lake?

By now, getting probed.

By the same beings.

By the side of the road.

By the way, your shoe's untied.

By using the Earth as a laboratory

Bye. [smooches]

Can a boat sink?

Can greatly increase your odds of early detection,

Can he somehow tell I am different from them?

Can I ask if you've finished Sam's autopsy report?

Can I come in? Please?

Can I just get a hug? No!

Can it all really be just a coincidence?

Can only be seen by your naked eye.

Can we focus on what we just watched?

Can we just go look for him?

Can we trust that creature?

Can you get free onion rings?

Can you get them?

Can you have your mother put popcorn on the shopping list?

Can you hoop?

Can you just take your pills, please?

Can you please grab Harry's things

Can you see the green glow?

Can you toss that ball back to us?

Can you turn back to Harry?

Can't a widow move on?

Can't you can every now and then?

Cars, wheelchairs, boats.

Cat's got a limp now, and she's suing,

Catch the beast.

Certain alien races implant tiny transmitters

Check his truck. Over.

Check this out. No!

Chest thumping displays of male dominance.

Choking on branzino bones per year than heart disease.

Circumcision.

Cletus know that.

Climb to the highest tower in town

Clung clung!

Clung clung!

Colorado Springs had last year? Hmm?

Come back. Can we do that again?

Come down and visit me.

Come here. Yeah.

Come on, can we see the foot?

Come on!

Come on! Love you, girl.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Okay.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. We got a murder to solve.

Comes and stays for a week at a time.

Comes from the thinking mind.

Coming from his own hand,

Complete my mission.

Completely wiped them from the Earth.

Concerning your breath,

Confirm engagement of the primary target.

Consider it a radio.

Cool, so the Sheriff was right. I'm seeing things.

Could be anybody.

Could pass me some toilet paper?

Couldn't break him.

Covered in blood

Crushing you, choking you.

Cut your brakes so that you'd die in traffic.

Cut your head off with a bone saw,

D'arce, come on.

D'arcy and I sat right next to each other

D'arcy is funny.

D'arcy, don't! Ugh!

D'arcy!

D'arcy?

D'arcy?

D'arcy? D'arcy?

Dad, what are you doing?

Dad!

Dad.

Damn it. Asta!

Damn kid could work for the CIA.

Damn thing got away with my horse and my hat,

Dan took me in, and he raised me.

Dead!

Definitely my foot.

Delightful.

Deputy Liv, you rock.

Deputy!

Deputy. Yeah. Sheriff.

Despite their differences, there is one truth

Dick only said that because he's so self conscious.

Did you ever love me?

Did you find your radio?

Did you have sex with her?

Did you make your own murder board?

Did you recently eat a dead rodent?

Didn't have the heart to take it down.

Didn't you see the signs with the little guy

Didn't you talk to them? We had a truce.

Dig for that radio.

Divorce? Great."

Do I come up to you on the street and ask you

Do it! Please stop struggling!

Do my feet look like watermelons?

Do not feel sadness. [voice cracks]

Do not move. Don't go inside.

Do not press the black button.

Do not wake up

Do you even have arteries?

Do you feel that kind of pressure, lieutenant?

Do you have anything you want to say to me?

Do you have anything you want to say to me?

Do you hear me?

Do you know how many people are in a 50 mile radius?

Do you know where he was headed?

Do you know where I was?