Insecure - Season 1 Edit

About how we're not each other's types,

About this being the last year of my 20s

Absolutely. Let's stick to questions about the program.

Actually, I'm thinking about ending things with Lawrence.

After school tutoring, mentoring programs,

Against you and your pussy.

Ah, ah, ah.

Ahem, Thomas Jefferson Middle School statistics

All night I had no idea what was going on.

All right? But can we, you know, do a Redbox movie

All: ♪ Broken pussy ♪

All: ♪ Broken pussy ♪

All: ♪ Broken pussy ♪

And 20% will become teen parents.

And find happiness in their careers.

And he had these little notes

And his last words were, You wanna break up with me?

And how I need to make the most of it.

And I did this to my hair on purpose.

And I don't wanna just sit on the couch with you

And I I wanna try being this new, different person,

And I just did that shit, you know?

And I started saying stuff that didn't make any sense.

And I want to make her feel better.

And if it could talk, it would make that sad Marge Simpson groan.

And if you fuck Daniel,

And Indians and white chicks and mixed chicks.

And it fit my interest at the time.

And just general filling in the cracks.

And just stay in?

And real untraditional ****as on a daily basis.

And sending me text messages.

And that we'd talk about it later.

And the DuBois method.

And then he was also, like, calling me every day

And then this motherfucker got the audacity

And these poor, poor children

And you didn't bag me till college, fuck you very much.

And you know how we were talking

And you said?

And you seem like the perfect person

Any other questions?

Are still dressing like Kris Kross.

As youth liaison, I can assure you that whatever it is

Balloons. Wow, for real?

Because I make you feel better about you.

Because maybe I didn't know it before, but I know it now,

Because you've always been my what if guy,

Big Brother Big Sister,

Bish... whaat?

Bitch, I don't know. I've never been here before.

Bitch, I know you did not just respond

Bitch, you still mad?

Bitch, you still trippin'?

Black people also looove Molly.

Both: ♪ Girlfriend. ♪

Both: Good.

But being aggressively passive is what I do best.

But I just got out of a relationship, I think,

But I just went up there

But I... I can't just jump from one relationship to another

But I'm pretty sure he got the message.

But I've heard really good things.

But it's like, seriously, why do we need trees?

But she didn't hire anybody from the hood.

But you know what, if they are not checkin' for me,

But you should've seen how fast Jered left.

But, I don't know, it works.

But, like, the food. (giggles)

By sittin' on your ass!

Can we eat? I'm hungry as fuck, okay?

Can you give us, like, two minutes?

Come on, hmm?

Come on, Iss. It was just your birthday.

Community service, standardized test coaching,

Crying tears of singleness in there?

Damn!

Damn!

Daniel dared me to do it.

Daniel? Whoa, hey!

Dayniece, that's detention. Apologize now.

Diane got engaged.

Diane: I just was not expecting it!

Did you just send a text message?

Does anybody actually have any questions about We Got Y'all?

Domino, bitch!

Don't be a dick. Dating is hard.

Don't be shy, guys. Fire away.

Every black girl that went to college likes Drake.

Every dude in here got dry cornrows.

Fine, but you are buying me a drink.

Fine. Sex right away. Lose interest.

For bitter ass black women anymore.

For people of color?

For the rest of my life and wait for something to happen.

Fuck bitches, get money kinda guy?

Fucking asshole.

Get it off your chest, all right?

Get our shit together separately and see what happens.

Girl, I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't even about you.

Girl, stop. What's going on?

Girl, stop. Who says you don't deserve to be married?

Girl, that... that is crazy. Balloons.

God, that's unbelievable. Please, please teach me your ways.

Great. Work with Frieda.

Ha! He's more like a skinny jeans, juicing type dude

Ha! She might be onto something.

Had suggested, um, here, this place,

Half of these dudes are cute, okay?

Have a proposal to me by Monday.

Have you ever tried, like, the raw meat?

He did not sad face you. I will slap you right...

He just really gets us.

He the ****a that gave me this broken ass pussy!

He... he must be texting me from a meeting.

He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.

Her outfit settled for less.

Here it is... I'm 28, actually 29,

Hey, I'm sorry for ruining your birthday.

Hey, tiger. Mm hmm.

Hey. How y'all ladies doing tonight?

Hey. Where you going?

Hi, girl.

Hi, I'm sexy.

His inheritance was already guaranteed.

Hmm? Mm wah! All right, thanks.

I ain't checkin' for them.

I always listen to you.

I bagged you looking like Kris Kross.

I came from a great family, I have a college degree.

I care about how shit affects you, too.

I convinced their youngest son to testify.

I could've taken you to some stuck up Hollywood spot

I dare you.

I did not send a text.

I didn't even know he was gonna be there.

I didn't mean to. I didn't think about it like that.

I didn't talk about anything I could bring to the table.

I don't even know what came over me,

I don't have time for the bullshit anymore.

I don't have time to waste.

I don't know if this is really his kind of crowd, you know what I mean?

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what the fuck we're doing.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't make love, I fuck.

I don't wanna make this about me. No.

I got you this.

I just feel like we're wasting our time.

I just spit words out.

I love it.

I never said you were.

I never thought I'd end up with someone who wasn't black.

I produce some of his tracks.

I promise I'll make it up to you.

I shouldn't be here.

I swear on my brother's life and my life

I think I'm just gonna call him

I think these kids need permission to explore on their own.

I think your pussy's broken.

I think your pussy's sad. It's had enough.

I thought I was pretty good up there.

I thought we were having a good time.

I used to keep a journal to vent.

I usually have to drag your ass out.

I walk in, and, first of all, he was being shady.

I walked in and my favorite flowers are, like, everywhere.

I work in the nonprofit world because I like to give back.

I... I just got nervous,

I'll never know.

I'm a grown ass woman. I did not sign up for that bullshit.

I'm almost done with my business plan.

I'm Jered, by the way.

I'm not a dumb bitch!

I'm not looking for a relationship.

I'm pretty sure my jeans were still sagging then.

I'm saying maybe we should

I'm so happy for you.

I'm sorry, what was that? Did you not just see me

I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

I'm taking Molly out tonight.

I'm taking you out. Be ready by 8:00. Bye.

I'm the token with all the answers.

I'm torn between the Booker T. method

I've been with my boyfriend for five years,

If I actually went after what I wanted?

If I don't have sex at all... motherfucker, no!

If I take my time or try to give them space,

If I'm into them, then I'm too smothering

If they're stuck in the same shitty place.

If you don't get off of me...

In 2016? That's what you're talking about?

Is my life a joke to you? No, no, no, real talk.

Is so that you could hook up with Daniel.

Is this what you always wanted to do?

Iss!

Issa, what's on fleek?

Issa, why are we in 1997 Inglewood?

Issa? Issa?

Issa's voice: How different would my life be

Issa's voice: I know what that shit means.

Issa's voice: What am I doing wrong?

Issa's voice: White people looove Molly.

It came out of nowhere, 'cause, personally,

It is never happening for me.

It means sometimes

It takes fucking discipline.

It was about you, too.

It's just too comfortable.

It's not under your big ass wrap?

It's too aggressive.

It's, like, it doesn't matter what I do, Issa.

It's, like, pussies breaking everywhere.

Jamal said I was his first.

Jesus, apparently!

Just stop it. You knew.

Let me finish watching this video and then we can go to 7 Eleven.

Let's get outta here. You're super!

Let's have fun tonight.

Let's just ask Issa.

Let's just go stand by them so they notice you.

Like, I spent my entire 20s

Listen, bougie bitch,

M.C.: All right, now. It's open mic night.

Man on TV: You want pecs? You want abs?

Man: I wish I could come through that screening

Maybe I gave you the wrong idea.

Maybe I'd be more like my best friend, Molly.

Maybe...

Me and Jamal are always talking

Mm hmm.

Mm.

Molly, I got engaged. He proposed last night!

My cousin can put some tracks in it,

My dad said ain't nobody checkin'

My friend's performing tonight.

My job, my boyfriend, you.

My whole life is about how shit affects others, okay?

My...

Need our guidance more than anything.

Never mind, then.

Never mind. Just forget it. I'm sorry.

****a, from who, your middle school Crips?

****as love Asians and Latinas

No, I literally spit on him, all right?

No, I wish.

No, let me finish. I got it.

No, no, no. One of us is having sex tonight.

No, seriously. I'm starting to resent him.

No, that's so stupid.

No, you didn't.

No, you didn't.

No, you drive on the wrong side of the street.

No. Hell, no. Hell, no. No, no, no.

No. I'm... nope.

No. Jesus.

No. What's that supposed to mean?

Nobody's just sitting on the couch.

Not if she didn't take it so seriously.

Not Moscato, but some shit Drake would like.

Not really, but kinda.

Not that raw meat, but you know what I'm sayin'.

Nothing's gonna change for these kids

Now I got to worry about dealing with a triflin' best friend?

Now I just write raps.

Now, why don't you go home and get you some of that good birthday ass?

Of pathetic women who have neither.

Oh, I didn't think you were into me.

Oh, it was chill. You know, nothing special.

Oh, it was mutual.

Oh, my God, no.

Oh, my God, you're a music producer. Do you know Beck?

Oh, my God. She's talking about me.

Oh, um, my friend Molly

Oh, you mean he's not a gin and juice, smoke weed every day,

Oh! I mean, I don't know. You tell me.

Oh. It's gonna be a strong drink.

Oh. Well, I'm just glad your pants grew up.

Okay, bitch, it was his, but I was cool with it.

Okay, listen, I promise Jesus isn't conspiring

Okay, since you guys are so interested in my personal life,

Okay, that was high school

Okay, wait. Are you guys fighting or what?

Okay, well, where does We Got Y'all fit in?

Okay.

Okay. You're gonna have some drinks tonight.

On a date? Should I be jealous? (chuckles)

On building a program for the kids outside of the school.

On the bright side, many black women are work focused

Or no... t?

Plus her standards are way too high.

Pop, pop, pop! Prrrrr pop, pop!

Pot pie!

Relationship?

Right, uh...

Right? And they don't even have to be that cute.

Sad face.

She doesn't think she'll ever get married.

She's like the Will Smith of corporate.

Since when did you become Party McPartisan?

So do y'all have any questions?

So he's probably engineering shit as we speak.

So stop making excuses and do it.

So sweet. What are you gonna write back?

So what are you saying?

So you rappers, singers,

So, am I still spending the night,

So, as youth liaison, I want to take the lead

So, I hope that covers everything.

So, like, y'all performing? What's going on?

So, they want us to be more environmentally responsible.

So, um, okay. So, where was I?

So, you're an idiot. That's cool.

Sometimes I wish he'd just slap the shit out of me out of angry passion.

Sorry. I'm not looking for a relationship right now.

State that 40% will not graduate high school

Take a drink. Whoo! Shots, shots!

Take this nonny! Take it!

That black women aren't bitter.

That I was spending the night at your house

That were, like, tied to balloons.

That wife others up with a quickness.

That... that's okay. And tell your dad

That's a fact.

That's good to know.

That's my life.

That's the damn problem, Issa. You don't stop to think about the shit you do

The burdens that face them every day.

The more education they have.

The only reason we came to that hoodrat ass club tonight

Then I spilled hot coffee all over his desk.

They already get enough of that.

They are purposeless

They focused mostly on Issa's love life,

They need to know that there's more out there for them.

They were so intent on not acknowledging

They're gonna kick us out this restaurant.

They're just tired of being expected to settle for less.

This was always about you.

To be this new, different person with

To get married, and I don't?

To help kids from the hood,

To help these kids?

To hit me with this bullshit.

To that motherfucking text message.

Two vodka tonics, man.

Uh, no, but I got this job after college

Uh, no, she's just really upset

Uh, we're together?

Unless you like it like that.

Wait to have sex. Lose interest.

Wait? Whose idea was it to go with the flow?

Wait. I just don't understand why these grown ass men

Wait. You got the LaVinci family to settle?

Wait...

We didn't even know it was this kind of a party.

We didn't want to spend a lot on the brochures, but...

We don't do anything. Like, there's no excitement.

We need to find you somebody.

We were just going with the flow.

We're all from Africa, guys.

We've only been on three dates, but he's so different.

Well, I mean, you're still 29.

Well, stop treating them like they're all the same, for one.

Well, we're celebrating tonight. Let me get you a drink.

What a coincidence. How was your birthday?

What are you doing here?

What are you even doing here?

What are you talking about?

What did I say?

What did you want to rent?

What do you think we need to do

What is she wrong about, Issa?

What the fuck?

What up, y'all?

What would James Baldwin say is most beneficial

What'd he say?

What'd I miss?

What's up with your hair?

What's wrong with her now?

When I thought prison jeans were sexy,

Where is your bag? 'Cause I only see one.

Where we are.

Where's the broken pussy? Choose number four.

Which I have to say served as a great icebreaker.

Why are you assuming I like Drake?

Why aren't you dressed? The show starts at 10:00, right?

Why you talk like a white girl?

Why? Come on.

Will you stop being all judgmental, okay?

With a bunch of assholes, but we're here, okay?

With a dude that I'm not even gonna end up with.

Woman's voice: I've been here five years and they think

Woman's voice: My boss founded a nonprofit

Wow. Oh, my God.

Wow. What are you all dressed up for?

Yeah, and the message was, She mad, we good.

Yeah, but where are we going?

Yeah, girl. You know what, this is your birthday.

Yeah, maybe she should lower them like I did.

Yeah, she's single.

Yeah, sure, I think it could.

Yeah, they were, like, tied to my friends and family... sorry.

Yeah.

Yes, Lawrence. How you doin' there?

Yes, that's it! That's your pussy!

Yo, can you shut the fuck up?!

Yo, remember when we used to rap?

Yo.

You caught me. I'm rocking blackface.

You drag me out here, then I meet a decent dude,

You gonna take this nonny or not?

You got one more year.

You got this.

You hungry?

You know, he's a product engineer,

You know, I do.

You know, I might actually still write.

You know, I told him how I felt,

You know, I'm just getting my shit together.

You know, I'm not trying to be shady, but why does she deserve

You lying. You lying.

You made a joke of my heartbreak up there.

You need to succeed, we got y'all.

You okay?

You only listen to me

You rude. She African.

You sound like you're exercising. You don't exercise.

You still flow?

You wanna break up with me?

You want some of this pussy pot pie?

You're an asshole. Fuck you, Issa.

You're as much of a dumb bitch as I am.

You're gonna get so fucked up. Ha ha ha ha ha.

You're here.

You're never gonna have this moment again.

You're wrong!

You've been getting your shit together for four years, Lawrence.

'Course I'm not. I know you.

(cheering, applause) Thank you, guys.

(heart beating) But, then, there is a small percentage

(kids laugh) Ha.

(Marge Simpson groan) (mouths word) Yes.

(music blaring) (chatter)

(music playing) (chatter)

(music playing) That's your girl, right?

(muttering) Never know.

(people vocalizing) ♪ Alls my life I has to fight, ****a ♪

(phone chimes)

(phone chimes) Damn it. This is bullshit.

(phone chimes) One day.

(phone whooshes) Okay, now it's technically sent.

♪ Broken pussy ♪ Crowd: ♪ Broken pussy ♪

♪ ****a, we gonna be all right... ♪ Woman: And We Got Y'all offers

♪ You found my weakest spot... ♪

All right, Ken and Patricia... Love it.

And I go into the house... Hey, guys.

Are we here? Is this it? Babe.

Are you ladies ready? Uh, no.

Are you single? Uh, I don't think that's appropriate.

because that's crazy... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bitch, no you're not. Yeah, you're right I'm not.

Bitch, you're right. I know.

But Daniel, he disappeared... You know what, fuck you!

can actually affect others. Are you kidding me?

Come on, over here. What? Issa, where are we going?

Congratulations. Thank you.

Finish the story. Finish the story. Okay, okay.

gonna spend the night at her house.

Good job. Thanks.

Hey. Happy birthday, babe. Thank you.

I bombed the interview. Jeez, Lawrence.

I didn't even want to go out tonight.

I didn't. You're lying.

I was just playing with you. Shut the fuck up.

Is he a poet? He's supposed to be up there soon.

Isn't that your girl? What?

Issa. Uh...

Ken: Last year, we had black and white. (phone buzzing)

M.C.: Hey, give it up for Train Wreck. (cheering)

Make it happen. It's not gonna happen...

Molly. Nice to meet you.

Molly's waiting on me. I'm...

Motherfucker, open the door! It's the child locks.

Oh, damn. Right?

Oh, is that that Arab guy? Yes. He says, Hey.

Oh, that's right, ****a.

Oh, word. Are you performing?

Pop it. Yes. Yes. I'm not doing this.

pump the fuck out of your lazy ass.

See you later. Hey! Iss!

Seems like you really like him.

She not gonna come back for hours. Her broke pussy talking.

So, are y'all broken up or not? I think so.

So, yeah. Absolutely.

So, your little brother? Yeah, yeah.

Thank God. My little brother is

Thanks for treating me, girl. You know I got you.

To her black boyfriend? Yes!

Wait, what are you saying? I'm breaking up with him tonight.

Was he hairy? He was Arab.

We can talk about this tomorrow. Hey. Issa!

We're just, you know. All right.

What you want? A vodka tonic.

What? No, I read about it.

Where? Mm mm. What?

Why ain't you married? I'm just not right now.

Wow, balloons. Man: That's insane. You deserve it.

Yep. No frickin' way. How?

You know what, you pick.

You know? Totally.

You need to go out tonight. No.

You were polite. Yo.

You're right. What if he was the one?

...tell me about San Pedro Middle School.

'Cause it's bad enough that I got to deal with real triflin' ****as

'cause today's my birthday.

'cause, I mean, hey means I wanna talk, right?

(all laugh)

(all laughing)

(both vocalizing)

(British accent) Well, hello, Daniel.

(chattering)

(cheering)

(chimes)

(chimes)

(chimes)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) Wait, what the fuck?

(crunching)

(door slams)

(doorbell rings)

(echoing) Educated black women are highly unlikely to get married

(exhales) You got this.

(fading) We absolutely have to intervene.

(groans)

(groans)

(kids laughing)

(kids laughing)

(kids laughing)

(kids laughing)

(knocking)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing) Awesome.

(laughs) Girl, Jamal is frontin'.

(mocking) Sorry.

(music playing)

(music playing)

(normal accent) Let me sprinkle some pussy Parmesan on you.

(phone rings)

(rolls tongue)

(screams)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(sobbing)

(whispers) Sorry.

(whispers) That's racist.

♪ 'Cause I'm feeling sorry for my... self. ♪

♪ 13 bitches spit game in the Uber, took my weave out 'cause my real hair is cuter ♪

♪ 30 days later, they return it and regret it ♪

♪ 103 ways to suck on a clit, five ugly ****as drive they mama's whip ♪

♪ Ain't texting him back 'cause the ****a's a loser ♪

♪ All my hot girls with me and we ♪

♪ Alls my life I ♪

♪ Am I a thot for lovin' Cîroc? ♪

♪ And they put her on credit ♪

♪ Bad trips like, Yah! ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm taking calls, no small talk ♪

♪ Bitch, I'm taking calls, no small talk... ♪

♪ Bling, bling, bitch, do my own thing, bitch ♪

♪ Bling, bling, bitch, do my own thing, bitch ♪

♪ Bling, bling, bitch, do my own thing, bitch ♪

♪ Bling, bling, bitch, do my own thing, bitch ♪

♪ Broken pussy ♪

♪ Broken pussy ♪

♪ Broken pussy ♪

♪ Broken pussy... ♪

♪ But if God got us, then we gonna be all right ♪

♪ But no one cares because I'm not having a party ♪

♪ But you don't have the time ♪

♪ By cookies I mean pussy ♪

♪ Couldn't find another bitch to make your toes tingle ♪

♪ Couldn't relive it ♪

♪ Crying on the bathroom floor full of tears ♪

♪ Dance around and bounce those titties ♪

♪ Dance around and bounce those titties ♪

♪ Dance around and bounce those titties ♪

♪ Dance around and bounce those titties ♪

♪ Don't let me catch you knocked up havin' that ****a's kids ♪

♪ Down on a bitch for the Galaxy 4, 99 reasons why ****as ain't shit ♪

♪ Dudes take her off the shelf ♪

♪ Eenie meenie miney mo, how many ****as is ready to go? ♪

♪ Flirting and fussing, yelling and cussing ♪

♪ Fuck a wedding ring, that ding a ling was just a fling, bitch ♪

♪ Fuck a wedding ring, that ding a ling was just a fling, bitch ♪

♪ Fuck a wedding ring, that ding a ling was just a fling, bitch ♪

♪ Fuck a wedding ring, that ding a ling was just a fling, bitch ♪

♪ Fuck the police and fuck the feds ♪

♪ Give me a gun and get outta my face ♪

♪ Give me a pause, give me a break ♪

♪ Give me your heart, 'cause you ain't in it... ♪

♪ Go, shawty, it's my birthday ♪

♪ Good runs all through you ♪

♪ Got a 9 inch dick that'll fuck your mind up ♪

♪ Got a big mouth, but your mindset is little ♪

♪ Grand slam, bringing three hos home with me ♪

♪ Gucci or not, I'm a cheat 'cause I got ♪

♪ Hair done, nails done, keep everything did ♪

♪ Hard times like, God! ♪

♪ Headaches and shit, give me a minute ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey, broken pussy. ♪

♪ Hey, yo, you a bitch... ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hot shit. ♪

♪ I blame it on the pussy, that shit must be bad ♪

♪ I can't help myself ♪

♪ I love shooting' these ******s... ♪

♪ I should be downtown whippin' on the way to you ♪

♪ I'm a bad ass kid 'bout to tear shit up... ♪

♪ I'm not inspired, why are we dating? ♪

♪ I'm the type of player always rep my city ♪

♪ Lavish life ♪

♪ Lavish, lavish ♪

♪ Lavish, lavish fly ♪

♪ Let me see you giddy up. ♪

♪ Like Rihanna forehead bitch, you gotta think big ♪

♪ Losin' my voice, I need Robitussin ♪

♪ Love rookie ♪

♪ Man, I love shootin' these ******s ♪

♪ Maybe a Valium 'cause of your volume ♪

♪ Maybe it really smells ♪

♪ Maybe it's dry as hell ♪

♪ Maybe it's really rough, maybe it's had enough ♪

♪ Maybe it's really rough, maybe it's had enough ♪

♪ Maybe it's really rough, maybe it's had enough ♪

♪ My baby mama left me, said I couldn't face my fears... ♪

♪ Nazareth, I'm fucked up, homie, you fucked up ♪

♪ Nobody wants you 'cause you got a broken pussy ♪

♪ Nobody wants you 'cause you got a broken pussy ♪

♪ Oh, look, ****a, guess you're still single ♪

♪ Pocket back, blow a dime sack ♪

♪ She give them all the cookies ♪

♪ She got an iceberg heart ♪

♪ She just sunk my ship... ♪

♪ Shit is not funny, the mission is critical ♪

♪ Show me you can biddy up ♪

♪ Slide to home base, hit 450... ♪

♪ Sometimes we love, sometimes we hate ♪

♪ Step to the plate like I'm a Ken Griffey ♪

♪ Talked to these hoes and I got them to switch on you ♪

♪ These ****as be doing bids, these ****as be in my fridge ♪

♪ These ****as be smokin' mids and thinkin' that they the shit ♪

♪ This girl is kinda loosey ♪

♪ This is 'tween us, you and I are committed ♪

♪ To wait on me... ♪

♪ Used like a dishrag, dumped with a hashtag ♪

♪ Wake up, li'l bitches, let me show you how to live ♪

♪ Welcome to the life of the rich and the fly ♪

♪ Welcome to the life of the rich and the fly. ♪

♪ You are not the wifey for swallowing ****a's kids ♪

♪ You've got something that belongs to me... ♪