The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Edit

A bad feeling I have about this. Mm.

A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.

A bed, even a temporary bed...

A beloved character from an lndian folktale.

A boy girl party?

A brain damaged choo choo train?

A cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison...

A choo choo train?

A combination of the moon's solar reflection...

A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.

A Dr. Patel. It's a beautiful story.

A girl who punishes her father by sleeping around.

A Halloween party?

A hobbit is a mortal, halfling inhabitant of Middle earth...

A hobbit.

A hog? You have a two cylinder scooter with a basket in the front.

A Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says, "What?"

A humormometer?

A little bird told us.

A little bit.

A little crush?

A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment?

A little messy?

A little misunderstand ?

A little musical foreplay. Terrific.

A lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not you.

A marathon? Wow, how many Superman movies are there?

A mistake involving Penny.

A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

A powerful laxative.

A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms...

A rocket scientist, how humiliating.

A second what? Pair of underwear?

A se**** is open at the sides, a poncho is closed. This is a poncho.

A Sheldon 2.0, if you will.

A shower.

A sigma particle.

A small payload support structure for a European science experimental package...

A spring wedding?

A superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds.

A tale of woe perhaps?

A tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't wanna be disturbed...

A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?

A well known folk cure for insomnia...

A young boy on the cusp of manhood.

AA versus PMS.

AA, I need your answer.

AA, I need your official answer.

AA, if you can answer correctly, the match is yours.

Accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second

Actually, I don't need a team.

Actually, I read that it's one of the most popular programs in lndia.

Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee

Actually, it's centripetal force, which is an inward force...

Actually, it's not all that easy to find.

Actually, that was last year.

Actually, that's my work.

Advantage, Kim.

Again?

Agreed.

Agreed.

Ah ha.

Ah, fair enough.

Ah, okay.

Ah, technically, yes.

Ah! Because it's in Long Beach and I don't drive.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Well, I'm sure things will pick up.

Ah. Well, then, we'll probably need to talk about your stuffed bear collection.

Ahem. So, Leslie, I have a question for you...

Algebraically speaking, there are too many unknowns.

All he has to do is hook up with one.

All I need from you is to give me a BAND AID.

All I'm saying is that this party is the perfect opportunity...

All I'm saying is you know Leonard the best.

All I've got is a needler and I'm all out of ammo!

All night long, y'all.

All of them.

All right, and this is my office.

All right, but if we're going to use flight metaphors...

All right, come on, guys. Come on.

All right, fellas, I gotta go.

All right, here we go.

All right, I gotta shower. You guys, um, make yourselves comfortable.

All right, I'm moving my infantry division...

All right, just a few more feet and....

All right, just let me get my keys.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's go.

All right, noted.

All right, now, Sheldon, you and I are about to have a problem.

All right, thank you. And Sheldon?

All right, the cat's alive. Let's go to dinner.

All right, there it goes. It sticks, I'm sorry.

All right, this is my desk. These are my books.

All right, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.

All right, well, I'll talk to you later. But I am so happy for you, Leonard.

All right, what response on my part...

All right, you're close enough to Sheldon's room. Deploy the sensor.

All right.

All right.

All right. "Madonna was married to this Ridgemont High alum."

All right. "Singer who sang 'Oops!... I Did It Again'?"

All right. Carry us outside.

All right. Noted.

All right. That's enough juvenile squabbling.

All right. Who's next?

All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.

All these people here are doomed.

All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.

All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.

All? In particle physics, 25 is Woodstock.

Almost 6:30.

Almost there.

Almost there.

Already? That was quick.

Also, curry's a natural laxative and I don't have to tell you that, you know...

Also, Sheldon may be a robot.

Also, the pretty girl left.

Although it occurs to me, you may have been employing a rhetorical device...

Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers?

An 802.1 1n wireless router.

An actual real scientist.

An alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.

An alternate and less likely interpretation is that you could manufacture one.

An extension of his ability to leap buildings...

An impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and

And a little nail polish.

And a little racist.

And besides, he doesn't drink, so....

And divide it how? I'm telling you, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.

And don't ever call me Shelly.

And having never been to Nebraska, I'm certain I have no corn husking antibodies.

And he's down.

And he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1 930s gangster.

And how fortunate that it should fall on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity...

And I am not your lady.

And I answered. It's called teamwork.

And I ask you, is it worth it?

And I can't go back to my party because he's there.

And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes...

And I certainly don't need someone telling on me to my mother.

And I forbid it.

And I got him this amazing autographed copy of The Feynman Lectures on Physics.

And I had to drop off some papers for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate.

And I just wanted to say that I was wrong...

And I know you don't wanna hear this. I'm upset and really drunk and I just wanna....

And I'll tell you, you're barking up the wrong tree.

And I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who...

And I'm an idiot, because I always believe guys like that.

And I'm like, "Awesome," because it's not Nebraska.

And I'm telling you for the last time, it's pandering, it's undignified, and bite me.

And I've got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it.

And if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel.

And it is the things you love that make you who you are.

And it was an aluminum house.

And male partners, animal partners, large primordial eggplants...

And may I point out...

And neither is a reason to call someone's mother.

And now the other guys are uncomfortable sitting next to him.

And now we'll never know.

And now you're out of life.

And now, without any further ado...

And obviously, my usual choices have not worked out so well.

And on one of them You won't know which. I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.

And on top of everything else, I'm all gross from moving...

And once again, you are welcome.

And orcs.

And perfect.

And semen.

And she's not a lady, she's just a new neighbor.

And snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection.

And thank you, ordinary person.

And that includes Halle Berry's.

And that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.

And that there'd be an asterisk by his name because he'd be a cyborg.

And that's the kind of sloppy costuming...

And then, Raj, you bring the stuff across the hall and start setting up.

And there was no one there to take care of you?

And there's this great show on VH1 about how to pick up girls.

And this is Christy Vanderbelt.

And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.

And this thing with Doug would just be rebound sex.

And throw away some chicken.

And trust me, you do not feel good after it.

And until recently, I had no idea that despite his lactose intolerance...

And walks in quiet beauty like the night.

And we all thank you

And we pray that you help Sheldon get back on his rocker.

And what about your team?

And what are you supposed to be, an elf?

And what do you mean, "mediocre stock"?

And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?

And what would I have said afterwards?

And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts?

And why can't she get her own TV?

And Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting.

And would you agree the primary way we would evaluate...

And would you make it diet?

And yogurt.

And you also have a note from your mother that says, "l love you, Bubula."

And you did it so casually.

And you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't know you.

And you have no wrath.

And you said the party starts at 7.

And you were right about my motives.

And you, sir, you have completely skipped over the part...

And you'll never guess who's here infecting my entire station.

And you're certainly not gonna win a Nobel Prize.

And you're holding her head while she's puking...

And, of course, it's Gravity Probe B.

Angle your head to the right.

Anguish?

Another example, from the field of Ebola research "

Antonio Salieri?

Any 1 5 year old girl will do the trick.

Any aspects of our sexual relationship, regarding your preferences...

Any ideas, Raj?

Any news you want me to pass along to Mom?

Any other honors I've gotten that I don't know about?

Any other questions?

Anybody need a refill?

Anyhow, the thing I wanted to talk to about is...

Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?

Anything else I should know?

Anything you want.

Anyway, I make those little muffins they give you. There's a big flash.

Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning...

Anyway, I was thinking more of a biosocial exploration...

Anyway, I've learned my lesson. She's out of my league, I'm done with her.

Anyway, if you had your own game character...

Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine...

Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night...

Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4400 pounds.

Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English.

Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage based than I'm used to...

Anyway, when he went on the lnternet to get some...

Anyway, you did throw up. Isn't that a sign of a concussion?

Anyway...

Anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.

Apparently, he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog...

Apparently, you are a magnificent beast.

Appre

Apprec

Archimedes would be so proud.

Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing the conversion...

Are we gonna do anything about Sheldon?

Are we so sure that's a bad thing?

Are you ? Hey, look, that fixes the problem I've been having.

Are you asking me out?

Are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman?

Are you expecting an example involving a real life time machine?

Are you fairly regular?

Are you gonna wait for him to sit down or you gonna stand on the coffee table?

Are you happy? You drove your son out of the house.

Are you in denial? Do we have to come over and do an intervention?

Are you insane?

Are you insane? Are you out of your mind?

Are you listening to yourself?

Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies?

Are you still out there?

Are you suggesting that if we let Penny stay...

Are you sure that your being drunk and your being angry with Kurt...

Are you sure you don't wanna just apologize to Gablehauser and get your job back?

Are you sure? It's Halloween.

Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

Are you upset about something?

Are you wearing my robe?

Aren't they adorable?"

Army Ants.

Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.

As a result, I've often felt like an outsider, never really fitting in...

As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.

As do l.

As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded...

As I'm saying this it occurs to me once again...

As I've explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds.

As in costumes?

As in, "Look, Leonard and Leslie made Mr. and Mrs. Goldfarb.

As it turns out, yes.

As teacher, it's your obligation to separate your personal idiosyncrasies...

As the middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention.

As usual, I'm not following.

As usual, nice talking to you, Raj.

As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly.

As you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter...

Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.

Assuming a device could be invented...

Assuming a device could be invented...

Assuming all the good terminators...

At 6:30 in the morning?

At best you can say, "Hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency."

At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the math come out.

At least now you can retrieve the black box...

At that point, based on the geography of the apartment and the speed of Sheldon...

Au contraire.

Bad, very bad.

Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"

Bear left.

Beats the hell out of me.

Because Phbbtt!

Because Phbbtt!

Because anyone who cared for someone would want them to be happy...

Because as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will.

Because Friday, we are attending a symposium...

Because he looks better than you?

Because he's neither tall nor immortal, and none of us could be the Flash.

Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

Because I got a bowl of Cheerios and I couldn't find a knife.

Because I have no interest in standing in the Rose Room of the Pasadena Marriott...

Because I saw Peter Pan and you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby.

Because I wanna go back and keep myself from getting a time machine.

Because I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Because I'm Frodo.

Because if all guys were like me, the human race couldn't survive.

Because it was immaculate.

Because it's not a costume. It's a flight suit.

Because Leo's a middle child.

Because one of the great minds of the 21 st century...

Because she's your sister.

Because Sheldon doesn't have a drug addicted cousin Leopold.

Because we can.

Because you are not at Big Boy.

Because you didn't keep true.

Because you're gonna go to your office...

Been there.

Before that, I spent four years working on my thesis.

Before that, I was in college, and before that I was in the fifth grade.

Before you go, we have good news.

Before you got all swollen up...

Behold, an ordinary cane.

Besides disrupting the local gravity field.

Big Boy.

Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus.

Blah, blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah, blah, blah.

Blowing the gates.

Bold face, underlined, like, dated.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

Boy, it's good to be back.

Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie.

Boy, that story gets better every time you hear it.

Boy, you are all over the place this morning.

Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.

Boy, you're really smart.

Boy, you're wound awfully tight for a man who just had sexual intercourse.

Bring it on.

Brisket. Brisket.

Bro. Heh.

Brrrr. Heh.

Buddy?

But as a practical matter, need I remind you it takes experimental pharmaceuticals...

But because she did know I had asked Leslie out...

But beyond that, I have realized the Leo I described...

But doesn't that fix the problem you've been having?

But for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

But go on.

But good luck.

But he had already moved on.

But he loved the companionship and the wisdom...

But he's right, Papa. Listen to him.

But he's worse!

But I need to tell you something, and listen carefully.

But I never gave the man a chance to explain.

But I realize, she's kissing me back, she's biting my lower lip.

But I still don't understand why no one else bid.

But I'm going out dancing with a girlfriend.

But if you'll notice, it's reversible.

But if your research is going to have human applications, I suggest white mice.

But intelligently designed by a creator, right?

But it could be sleep apnea. You might wanna see an otorhinolaryngologist.

But it'd make the present so much nicer.

But l I broke up with Joyce Kim.

But my point is that Koothrappali and Wolowitz....

But my point is that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.

But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes.

But nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable if I wanna try this again.

But on the other hand...

But patterns emerge.

But residing within you is the potential for another me.

But since Dennis Kim has rendered my research pointless...

But since then, we've pretty much gone our own separate ways.

But thanks. Thanks for thinking of us.

But then, along comes Albert Einstein...

But there's a Planet of the Apes marathon at the Nuart today.

But there's nothing embarrassing about that.

But they don't tell you, the removable lD takes up one slot.

But unfortunately, this hospital is not equipped to treat stupid.

But wait until I tell him I've got a time machine on my balcony.

But we are also smart and strong...

But we did convince him to leave the motel.

But we don't need to quibble over terminology.

But what about your time machine?

But when he came back to the apartment, he was doing a dance...

But while thinking, "Good, Leonard remains available."

But who cares what Penny thinks?

But whoever's her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience, not to mention

But with a penis, of course.

But you are not the only person who is smarter than everyone else in this room.

But you try one time to tell me who I should be sleeping with...

But you're a dentist, he's nuts.

But you're not Princess Panchali.

But, yeah.

Buy this one, it's the one we're getting. Happy guy.

By her. Oh, look, I did it again.

By that logic, I should answer anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.

By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a huppah...

By the time I got to work, they'd given my shift away.

By the time we come to a stop...

By the way, a 6 year old could hack your computer.

By the way, may I speak to Missy, please?

By the way, where did you get that loofa mitt?

By the way, you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself...

Bye, guys.

Bye, Missy, see you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bzz phew!

C O N....

Call Leonard Hofstadter.

Call M' kflono M' kflooniloo. Ha ha. Ha.

Calling Rajesh Koothrappali.

Can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?"

Can I get a hallelujah?

Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and homemade croutons?

Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?

Can it wait? I need to talk to you.

Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four?

Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?

Can we please make a decision?

Can we please stop talking about my testicles?

Can you believe how pushy she is?

Can you bring a friend?

Can you even believe that? How weird is that?

Can you go to the kitchen and get me the turkey baster labeled, "Mucus"?

Can you please come get him?

Can you sing "Soft Kitty"?

Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?

Can't we just go to Big Boy?

Can't you play him some other time?

Capital D. Heh.

Careful, Leonard. Liquid nitrogen, 320 degrees below zero.

Challenge accepted.

Chat? We don't chat, at least not off line.

Check it out. It's a featured video.

Civil servants have a documented propensity to, you know, snap, so....

Clearly, febrile delirium is setting in.

Close.

Cocktail shrimp are 12.50.

Code four. I need a gurney.

Come on in, fellas.

Come on, come on.

Come on, come on. Oh, you clever....

Come on, guys, push.

Come on, guys, push.

Come on, guys, push.

Come on, I had to. You see what he's like.

Come on, Shelly.

Come on, the only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.

Come on, we have a combined lQ of 360.

Come on, you know how it is with breakups.

Come on, you need a four person team. We're four people.

Come on, you went to college.

Come on.

Come on. Afterwards, there's a Q&A with Harrison Ford's body double.

Come say hello.

Come, Dennis.

Come, I'll show you the rec center. They've got Nautilus equipment.

Considering what?

Control, shift B.

Cool! Whose head did I just blow off?

Correct.

Correct.

Correct.

Correction. Missy can date whoever she wants.

Could I have everyone's attention, please?

Could it be me?

Could you be more specific?

Cover this, suckers.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Damn it, I'll do it.

Damn it, my glasses.

Damn it, Sheldon, snap out of it.

Damn you, Chaplain Horrigan.

Damn you, WalletNook.com.

Damn.

Damn. Okay, I'll just take the roof.

Data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables...

Denied.

Denied. All right, for 10 points.

Dennis is a highly sought after doctoral candidate.

Dennis Kim is 15 years old and he's already correcting my work.

Dennis, we've discussed this.

Dennis? Dennis.

Depending on the depth...

Desperate and alone, he reached out to a man...

Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.

Dibs doesn't apply in a bidding war.

Did anyone see how he did it?

Did I start that sentence with the words "if it please Your Highness"?

Did it occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort...

Did Leonard tell you to say that?

Did someone say party?

Did the listing actually say miniature?

Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?

Did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes?

Did you say, "Call Helen Boxleitner"?

Did you say, "Call Temple Beth Seder"?

Did you see it? It's rough.

Did you spill ketchup?

Did you wanna start now?

Did you wanna talk about what's bothering you?

Didn't even slow down the neighbor kids. Heh.

Didn't like the look of the guy she was with.

Diet Coke.

Dilepton shmylepton, we need you.

Do I look like I lift weights?

Do I look puffy? I feel puffy.

Do I stay? Do I leave?

Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?

Do you guys mind if I start?

Do you have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious?

Do you have any ideas?

Do you have anything to say that has anything to do...

Do you like motorcycles? Because I ride a hog.

Do you mind if I stay here tonight?

Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?

Do you realize that if Penny wakes up...

Do you remember?

Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?

Do you think this possibility will be hindered...

Do you think you can satisfy your need for a relationship...

Do you understand how creepy this is?

Do you understand the concept of blackmail?

Do you wanna come over, have coffee?

Do you wanna see it?

Do you want me to move?

Doctor what?

Does it have peanut oil?

Does this suit really look that bad?

Doesn't that violate the health code or...?

Don 't embarrass him in front of his friends.

Don't be insulting, Rajesh.

Don't be ridiculous. I have no peers.

Don't forget genetic predisposition towards addiction.

Don't forget the mail you took so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.

Don't just stand there. Slash and move.

Don't look down if you're subject to vertigo. and use their stairwell.

Don't panic. This is what the last 97 hours have been about.

Don't take it personally, it's his pathology.

Don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation...

Don't think like that. you're not going to die alone.

Don't toy with me, woman.

Don't worry, baby, I've got you.

Don't worry, I was going to order you cheese less.

Don't worry, I've got this.

Don't yell at me.

Don't you ever speak to me again.

Don't you imagine that if there were a way for me...

Don't you people read character descriptions?

Don't you think I should answer engineering questions? I am an engineer.

Doogie Howser is on.

Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years.

Dopamine in our brains is released across synapses, causing pleasure.

Doug? Oh, yeah. I don't know. I mean, you know, he's nice and funny, but

Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali, in all fairness, it wasn't entirely Raj's fault.

Dr. Gablehauser.

Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Cooper.

DR. KOOTHRAPPALl: Now, listen to me At least wait till I get into the hall.

DR. KOOTHRAPPALl: Wait, wait.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper here. I am the lead author of this particular paper.

Draft.

Drink whatever you want.

Drinks do not work that way.

Drop dead, you stupid, self centered bastard.

Dude, everybody left an hour ago.

During acceleration, it needs to stay perfectly level and provide

Easy. Easy.

Eat him, eat him.

Ecch. I'm not perfect.

Eight feet tall and ripped.

Eight.

Elevators, parks, movie theaters.

Emotionally.

Engineering, where the noble semiskilled laborers...

Enjoy the wedding. Goodbye.

Equations. Someone's tampered with my equations.

Ergo, you would still have it. This is a classic rookie time travel mistake.

Even as a little boy, he'd send his imaginary friends home at the end of the day.

Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts...

Even with shipping, it works out to less than $4 a pound.

Evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra large and jumbo.

Ever since I was a little boy...

Every day at Disneyland.

Every day, he's got a new obsession.

Every family in America has a relative...

Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment I have awakened at 6:15...

Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment...

Every year at Comic Con.

Everyone is very, very drunk and Ooh, mmm.

Everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up.

Everything else is optional.

Evidently.

Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitch noises while they sleep...

Ew! Stop it. No. Leave me alone.

Exactly half.

Exactly half.

Exactly. And you owe it to yourself and to posterity...

Except for your tendency to end sentences with prepositions.

Excuse me for being so bold...

Excuse me while I go tell Missy the good news.

Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.

Excuse me, but I think you're missing a big opportunity here.

Excuse me, can I interject something?

Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?

Excuse me, Dr. Gablehauser, are you busy?

Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.

Excuse me, Mr. Grownup.

Excuse me, sir, you don't work here.

Excuse me, that is my research, and it is by no means a dead end.

Excuse me, this is my apartment, and she's my roommate's sister.

Excuse me, we just went over this.

Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption...

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer.

Excuse me. If I were to give up at the first hitch, I never would have identified...

Excuse me. Little idea?

Explain to me a system...

Face to face?

Fair enough.

Fifteen years old.

Find new friends.

Fine, it's out of the washer.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. Bring us three orders of dumplings.

Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.

Fine. If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it.

Fine. What do you wanna eliminate?

Fish nightlights.

Five minutes with her dad, 20 goats and a laptop, and we'd be done.

Five movies, two hours apiece.

Five, six, seven.

Foot pound has the same problem. That's a unit of work, not of weight.

For 10 points. "What is the isospin singlet partner of the pi zero meson?"

For all we know, he crashed the party and Penny doesn't even want him here.

For example, I noticed you purchase your tampons...

For example, Penny has a flatscreen TV...

For example, Sheldon had Quizno's for lunch.

For example, tonight, no one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey.

For God's sake, if you don't like tangerine chicken...

For God's sake, Ma, I'm 26 years old.

For God's sake, Sheldon...

For God's sakes, Sheldon, you are driving me crazy.

For some reason, I related to it quite strongly.

For the record, that psychotic rant...

For three years, you've never come by to say hello.

For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.

For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character?

For your information, this is all based on solid research.

Force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs...

Forget about the cake. How did you know my birthday's Saturday?

Forget it. Guys, if I sell to one of you, the other two are gonna be mad at me.

Forget the mission. How did that little yutz get a girl on his own?

Forget the parties? What a nerd.

Forget the parties.

Forget your suit. Look at my arms waving.

Forgive me, Your Highness...

Former can overpower the latter giving scientific credence...

Found them.

Four point one eight five five times 10 to the seventh ergs per calorie.

Four years. That's like as long as high school.

Fourteen and a half.

Fourteen down is

Frankly, if I could afford the rent, I'd ask you to leave.

Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs.

Freedom?

Frequent coitus dramatically increases the odds of fertilization.

Friday works for me.

Friday. Was that morning or afternoon?

Friends don't do that to each other.

From a broken home, to boot. Psychologically speaking...

From the data at hand, you can't draw that conclusion.

From the intercom.

From what I heard, they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine.

Frontation.

Funny expression, sleep tight. Ha ha. Ha.

Funny how things work out.

FYl, his toothbrush is the red one in the Plexiglas case under the UV light.

Galileo and the pope had a little misunderstanding.

Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl.

Gee....

Gentlemen, I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local lSP...

Gentlemen, I believe I've found the solution to all our problems.

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim.

Gentlemen, switching to local nerd news...

Gentlemen, to the sewing machines.

Gentlemen, we said we'd take turns...

Gentlemen.

Get anything good?

Get out of my ER.

Get out.

Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.

Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth.

Give me back my key.

Given the reaction to my costume...

Go ahead, tell her about your senior prom.

Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren.

Go away?

Go away.

Go away.

Go away.

Go away.

Go on.

Go up to the roof, hop over to the next building There's a gap.

Go, Polar Bears.

God, that's a good song.

God, what is wrong with me?

God, yes. Thanks.

Good afternoon and welcome to today's Physics Bowl practice round.

Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to this year's Physics Bowl.

Good choice. Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls for Watson.

Good for Leonard.

Good for me.

Good for you, sweetie. Okay, next question.

Good for you.

Good idea. Sit with her, hold her, comfort her.

Good luck.

Good morning, Snickerdoodle.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good story.

Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.

Good, good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good. From this point forward, you will have to crawl.

Goodbye, Honey Puffs. Hello, Big Bran.

Goodbye, peasants.

Gosh. He's kind of a sore loser, isn't he?

Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal.

Got kind of a full blown Chernobyl thing here. Gotta go, bye.

Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.

Grandma, it's Doogie time.

Granted not long, but just deeply and well.

Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox...

Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

Great

Great Caesar's ghost, look at this place.

Great, we get married, I won't be able to talk to her...

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great. Was it hard getting up the stairs?

Guess whose parents just got broadband.

Guys, it's hot in here. I think I'll just take off all my clothes.

Guys, let's remember that Sheldon is still our friend and my roommate.

Guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay?

Guys, this is actually really simple.

Ha ha! There goes your head again.

Ha, ha, ha. The only thing missing from that insult was your mama.

Ha! Look, it's raining you.

Had to put him down.

Haiti.

Hallelujah.

Hang on a second. That's not our answer.

Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim?

Hang on, hang on. Do you not realize what we just did?

Hang on, the sensor's picking up something.

Hang on, there really is a lady here?

Hang on.

Happiness?

Happy Halloween.

Hard as it may be to believe...

Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before?

Have you ever harmed yourself, except in cases where a human being...

Have you ever woken up in a fleabag motel covered in your own vomit...

Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food?

Haven't you been listening? I cannot talk to women.

Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?

He always does stuff like that.

He asked her out once. It was an embarrassing failure.

He came with a manual.

He can't eat cheesecake. He's lactose intolerant.

He ceases his fruitless efforts, he donates his body to scientific research...

He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product...

He did break the implied confidentiality of the bedroom...

He didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

He doesn't have it. He's got squat.

He doesn't need them. He's got a six port Ethernet switch.

He just doesn't know he wants one, because he's never had one.

He just smiles and eats macaroons out of his Bat Jar.

He knows how to get out.

He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.

He lives with Leonard.

He made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr. Farmanfarmian

He may stay in there till the rapture.

He offered me a fair price for the whole collection.

He once tried to fight a bobcat for some licorice.

He only has a problem when they're one on one and smell nice.

He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.

He told me without your little idea...

He was just going on and on, and I believed him.

He was kind of dreamy.

He'll know something's up.

He'll never cope with the fact that some 1 5 year old is smarter...

He'll push that thing until he starves to death.

He's a hobbit.

He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go?

He's a research assistant in the particle physics lab...

He's asking if we can come as anyone from science fiction...

He's home. I'm screwed.

He's kind of a nerd

He's like a baby deer. You gotta let him come to you.

He's not a man, he's a putz. And don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger.

He's not just a middle child, he is the quintessential middle child.

He's not wrong.

He's nuts.

He's paranoid and he's established a nest.

He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on eBay.

He's the kind that gets into a relationship for, like you would say, light years.

He's the man of his family. You have to respect his wishes.

He's using psychological warfare. We must reply in kind.

Hee hee hee!

Hee hee hee!

Heh heh.

Hello, Hello Kitty.

Hello, Honey Puffs.

Hello, Lalita? Raj Koothrappali.

Hello, Oompa Loompas of science.

Hello, Penny.

Hello, Penny. Hello, Kurt.

Hello, Penny. How are you?

Hello, Sheldon.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Help!

Her apartment's on the fourth floor, elevator is broken, you're gonna

Here comes our new boss. Be polite.

Here I go, taking one for the team...

Here we are, gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebub.

Here we go into the future.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go. Ten and a half hours of apey goodness.

Here you go, Copenhagen boy.

Here you go. Pad Thai, no peanuts.

Here, I am janitor. In former Soviet Union, I am physicist.

Here, why don't you put these on while I find a shirt and sport coat?

Here. Eat this cheese without farting, and you can sleep with my sister.

Here. Swab my throat.

Here's the difference.

Here's the problem with teleportation.

Here's the thing:

Here's the thing.

Here's your T shirt.

Hey, check it out.

Hey, check it out.

Hey, do you wanna see something cool?

Hey, do you wanna slip over to the radiation lab...

Hey, do you wanna, I don't know, later ?

Hey, guys, my friends and l got tired of dancing...

Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. This is Lalita Gupta.

Hey, how did it go?

Hey, Howard, you're a Jew.

Hey, I don't know if you heard about what happened with Leonard and Sheldon...

Hey, I just ran into Penny. She seemed upset about something.

Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Hey, I know you said you didn't wanna talk

Hey, I'm damaged too.

Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.

Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower?

Hey, jerk face. You forgot your iPod.

Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the drier downstairs.

Hey, Leonard. Hi, guys.

Hey, Leslie.

Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin.

Hey, look, I found an iPod.

Hey, look. It's Dr. Stud.

Hey, look. Now, maybe you have democracy now in your beloved Russia...

Hey, Penny, when's your birthday?

Hey, Raj.

Hey, Raj.

Hey, Sheldon.

Hey, sorry we're late.

Hey, what up, science bitches?

Hey, what's the matter?

Hey, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?

Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.

Hey, you wanna hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot. How are you doing?

Hi, baby.

Hi, fellas.

Hi, fellas.

Hi, I'm running out to the market. Do you guys need anything?

Hi, Leo, how are you feeling?

Hi, Leonard, what's up?

Hi, Leonard?

Hi, Penny?

Hi, Rajesh, this is Lalita Gupta.

Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz.

Hi?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Can you help me?

Hi. Christy.

Him.

His father, God rest his soul, used to say:

His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.

His mom's been saying that for years.

His mother was human. His father was Vulcan. They couldn't conceive.

His name is Buttons.

His only companions, mongrel dogs and malarial mosquitoes.

Hit that thing.

Hit you with a Vulcan nerve pinch.

Hm hm. Wrong.

Hm hm. Wrong.

Hm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Good for him.

Hola, nerd migos.

Hold on, honey, men at work.

Hold on.

Hold that thought. Leonard, a moment.

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Holy smokes.

Homeless crazy guy at Table 18.

How about a Grasshopper? I make a mean Grasshopper.

How about a hug for Howie?

How about a liquid cooler? A little aquarium pump here.

How about a taste of Hans Christian hand grenade?

How about her?

How about if I were to introduce you to the man who freed your people?

How about Lasik?

How about that one?

How about that.

How about the girl from The Wonder Years?

How about the Perpetual Motion Squad?

How about this one?

How about this? Um, okay.

How am I supposed to plan my bodily functions?

How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow gonna help me today?

How are we gonna get it upstairs?

How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye.

How can you waste your lives with these stupid toys...

How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same?

How come you didn't go in to work today?

How could he do that?

How could she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?

How could there be? Who would be the control group?

How could you've gotten it from me?

How did she know it was us?

How did that work out for you?

How do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?

How do I look?

How do you know anything about physics?

How do you know these things?

How does he fly at night?

How exactly would one measure a sense of humor?

How exactly would that laugh go?

How fortunate for you the university has chosen to hire you...

How great this place looks?

How lame is that?

How long is he going to stay here?

How much have you had to drink tonight?

How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?

How so?

How so?

How the hell did you get in the building?

How was that?

How wasted am l?

How would I know? Do you have a low sperm count?

How?

How's this? "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Gablehauser.

Howard brought a date?

Howard stepped outside to throw up.

Howard Wolowitz, CalTech Department of Applied Physics.

Howard, can't you see she's using you?

Howard, enable public access.

Howard, every Thai restaurant in town knows you can't eat peanuts.

Howard, I told you, touching's extra.

Howard, I'm going to need another Mandarin lesson.

Howard, I'm sick.

Howard, I've asked you not to do that.

Howard, if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out, it would just be for dinner.

Howard, it's Leonard. Code milky green.

Howard, nice to meet you. And you are?

Howard, Raj and l just had a team meeting.

Howard, wait.

Howard, would you like to explain to me...

Howard, you talk to her.

Howard.

Howard's sleeping. This is his mother.

However briefly.

Huh? Can't be a coincidence.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh. Well, that's handy.

Hunger?

Hungry?

Hypoallergenic.

I No, no. No, we're not a couple. We're singles.

I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion.

I accept your premise. Now, please let's go.

I admire your fingering.

I agree.

I already have a dentist.

I also have an idea for a bulk, mail order feminine hygiene company

I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird.

I am not a dwarf, I'm a hobbit.

I am settling, once and for all, who is the smartest around here.

I am Sheldon's cousin Leo.

I am Shiva, the destroyer. I will have the woman.

I am so sorry about what happened.

I am talking to you.

I am the sword master.

I am the sword master.

I asked for turkey and roast beef...

I assume she meant the two of you...

I assumed, as in a number of languages, that the gesture was part of the phrase.

I assure you that cutting a dumpling in thirds is child's play...

I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.

I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken...

I bet you're right.

I break up, then I find some cute guy...

I brought snacks.

I call Frodo!

I can and I did. Look up dibs in Wikipedia.

I can handle this.

I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it.

I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair.

I can pretend I had epinephrine.

I can see that. Unless you're running a marathon...

I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.

I can't believe he fired me.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta.

I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up.

I can't just go up and talk to her.

I can't see him.

I can't talk to her, you do it.

I can't. If I don't show up, she'll still be expecting you.

I cannot work like this.

I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.

I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle.

I come from Sacramento.

I could easily defeat you single handedly, but the rules require four.

I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

I could simplify things, just give you the $50 directly...

I could wrap up an order of mee krob and a couple of lottery scratchers.

I couldn't poop this morning.

I couldn't say that.

I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room...

I did have a poppy seed bagel for breakfast...

I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.

I did not think of that.

I did not wanna do this...

I did what I could.

I did your horoscope, remember?

I didn't ask her. I should ask her out.

I didn't have to. The dates just happened to coincide.

I didn't know what to do. He's lost all focus.

I didn't say you were. I just said she was cute.

I didn't skip it. It's just an anecdote. It's not science.

I didn't understand the question.

I disagree.

I disagree. Love is not a sprint. It's a marathon.

I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter...

I do not. My mother lives with me.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?

I don't care if anybody gets it, I'm going as the Doppler effect.

I don't care what you say.

I don't care, I'm finishing it. Put him down.

I don't care. She's upset, I'm going over there.

I don't come into your house and touch your board.

I don't drive and the things available in walking distance...

I don't get it. I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie?

I don't have to believe in it for her to be lucky.

I don't know how to talk to these people.

I don't know if I can take it.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.

I don't know where you are, dude, but it's really kickass.

I don't know where you are, dude, but it's really kickass.

I don't know where you just came from. It couldn't have been a team meeting.

I don't know your odds in the world as a whole...

I don't know, a psychiatrist?

I don't know, Raj.

I don't know, she'll never go for the kid once she gets a peek at this.

I don't know, Sheldon.

I don't know, Sheldon.

I don't know.

I don't know. But if cats could sing...

I don't know. The man on the box looks so happy.

I don't know. you guys work in the same lab.

I don't need to be getting this old world crap from you.

I don't need you to guess, I need you to know.

I don't really know who they are

I don't see a problem with that.

I don't think I can go out with her tonight.

I don't think I need to tell you what an honor this is.

I don't think it's Shatner.

I don't think Penny's ever coming here again.

I don't think so. I followed her here from the parking lot.

I don't think you mean we can't. I think you mean we shouldn't.

I don't understand the question.

I don't understand what you're unhappy about.

I don't understand your objections, Professor Goldfarb.

I don't understand, exactly how did he get any friends in the first place?

I don't understand.

I don't usually pick up on those things.

I don't wanna be in a jar. I want my brain in an android body.

I don't wanna look like a dork.

I don't wanna try it. My God, you are grown men.

I don't want my job back.

I don't....

I drive a Chevy Cavalier.

I envy Leonard for growing up without that anguish.

I exfoliated her brains out.

I feel so good today, I'm gonna choose from the low fiber end of the shelf.

I figured it would go for thousands, and I just wanted to be a part of it.

I finally have time to test my hypothesis about the separation of water molecules...

I forgot the protocol we put in place after the great ear infection of '06.

I go outside and I talk to people.

I got a former fat girl with no self esteem.

I got him, Leonard.

I got my job back.

I got one. Hey, Leonard, your mama's research methodology is so flawed

I got to see all my cousins, and there was cake, so....

I got you a Batman cookie jar.

I got your back.

I guess congratulations are in order.

I guess for you, that's an option. Ha ha. Ha.

I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.

I guess that makes me large breasts.

I guess that makes me large breasts.

I guess that's about it.

I guess that's why they call you a genius.

I guess that's why they call you a genius.

I guess times have changed since we were young.

I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out.

I had a nice time.

I had no choice.

I had no idea it was your birthday. I forgot.

I had such plans. I had dreams.

I had to go down the fire escape on the third floor...

I hadn't considered that.

I happen to know a place where there are plenty of eligible women...

I hardly think so.

I have 212 friends on MySpace.

I have 2600 comic books in there.

I have a board, if you like boards. This is my board.

I have a conclusion based on an observation.

I have a Master's and two Ph.Ds, I should not have to do this.

I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

I have a solution. First, go into the future...

I have a very wide circle.

I have been telling you since you were 4.

I have noticed that Leslie Winkle recently started shaving her legs.

I have to go.

I have to go.

I have to say I slept splendidly.

I highly doubt that.

I hope that isn't one of the animals that you people think is magic.

I hope that it won't color your opinion of Leonard...

I imagine you smell very nice too.

I just I can't believe I trusted him.

I just I wanted you to know I saw the tie.

I just assumed.

I just built a virtual pool.

I just came by to say hello.

I just checked the house. There's probably 20, 25 people in there.

I just gave you a reasonable explanation.

I just had the carpet steamed.

I just hit my head.

I just thought....

I just wanna crawl into a hole and die.

I just want you to know that you don't have to live like this.

I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium.

I knew it, he moves to America and becomes an alcoholic.

I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.

I know everything about this stuff.

I know I'm gonna regret this, but what trauma?

I know it's the phone, Ma. I hear the phone.

I know Leonard values you as a friend.

I know the reason.

I know what you're thinking. I've taken your asthma into account.

I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention.

I know you won't. Why would you look? There's nothing to see. Not noth

I know you're not.

I know, but why?

I know, I'm familiar with you.

I know, right?

I know.

I know. And I do yearn for faster downloads.

I know. But I still can't afford it.

I know. I read it before I threw it out.

I know. Look, you have a TV in your room.

I let you think we went alphabetically...

I like tangerine chicken. I'm just not getting tangerine chicken.

I like the hamburgers where we usually eat.

I look forward to your work with bacon.

I love America.

I love cheesecake.

I love the boy to death...

I made an 8:00 reservation.

I made chicken.

I marked the calendar for future reference.

I may have left a suggested organizational schematic...

I mean, all right, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk.

I mean, any more than the 383 miles that it was gonna move anyway.

I mean, he's not looking for a fling.

I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy. There's no reason...

I mean, just because most of the men I've known happened to be jerks...

I mean, look at Wolowitz. He's not English, but he's dressed like Peter Pan.

I mean, look at you, Thor, and, oh, Peter Pan.

I mean, not you smart.

I mean, she has absolutely no standards.

I mean, the whole landscape of false vacuums in string theory...

I mean, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it.

I mean, you open that man's closet...

I mix pancake batter in this.

I move that any vote on team names be unanimous.

I myself prefer to have my excess epithelial cells slough off naturally...

I need a growth medium, and someone polished off the apricot yogurt.

I need guinea pigs.

I need soup.

I need that to complete my Justice Society of America collection.

I need to measure my fluid intake and output...

I need to speak to you.

I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.

I needed a place to fire ceramic semiconductor substrates...

I notice you're using titanium.

I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste.

I obviously didn't make my point with those people.

I pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie.

I play golf with her father. I won 't be able to look at him.

I probably have it here somewhere.

I promised my mother.

I read an article about scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish...

I read it in Journal of American Neuroscience.

I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.

I really should've brought my own car.

I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.

I really thought if you guys went instead of me he wouldn't be such an ass.

I really thought Mike was different.

I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was, like, 12.

I refuse to let him experience the same childhood trauma I did.

I remember one summer when he was 13...

I remember symposium.

I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis.

I said I could follow it, I didn't say I cared.

I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

I said it was noteworthy.

I said no. Put it down.

I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her...

I say we wait until he looks at us, then laugh like:

I see.

I sense a disturbance in the force.

I shot you for a good reason. You were leading us into disaster.

I should be punished.

I should just say I am done with him.

I should probably go.

I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.

I slept all day?

I spearfish.

I still don't care.

I still don't get it.

I still want it on my balcony. I say we move it on a bimonthly basis.

I suggest no liquids after 11 p.m.

I suppose that's possible.

I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised.

I swear to God, I am done with guys like that.

I swear to God, Sheldon, one day, I'm gonna get the hang of talking to you.

I take full responsibility.

I think a birthday party is a terrible idea.

I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media center.

I think I may have misjudged this restaurant.

I think I might have a concussion. I'm gonna go lay down.

I think I've made my point.

I think it's her time of the month.

I think that's our girl.

I think this is the place.

I think this will be my seat.

I think we have to acknowledge, those were some fairly savage preadolescent ****.

I think we should be good neighbors.

I think we're all talking to Penny here.

I think what Sheldon's trying to say...

I think what you're feeling is valid and maybe later today...

I think you'd call him Lee.

I think you'll appreciate this. This is very exciting.

I think you're focusing entirely too much on the drugs.

I thought he was sensitive and smart.

I thought it ended at cuckoo.

I thought maybe you could show Dennis around.

I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling.

I thought you were finding new friends.

I thought you weren't interested in me.

I told Penny that you would be embarrassed if you knew she found out you had lied...

I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.

I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful

I understand that you're going through a bit of a career crisis.

I understand why no one else bid.

I understand you're new in town.

I understand your impulse to try to physically intimidate me.

I use the bathroom from 7 to 7:20.

I wanna get to know Penny's friends. I just....

I wanna hook up my computer in the front...

I want grilled cheese.

I want soup.

I want you to know I'm very proud of you.

I was actually the one who noticed. Okay, let's just start.

I was at a coffee klatch with a couple of friends...

I was brought up on a variety of military bases around the world.

I was giving clear, concise orders.

I was going to be the lndira Gandhi of particle astrophysics.

I was going to characterize it as the modification...

I was gonna do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his psychotic rants.

I was gonna put down a towel.

I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny...

I was just going off your comment about the nice guy

I was just wondering if I could talk to you.

I was just wondering, is Sheldon still at the restaurant?

I was not aware of that.

I was thinking of moving Big Boy to Thursdays and just dropping Souplantation.

I was wondering if you could help me out

I was wondering if you had plans for dinner.

I was working with luminous fish and I thought, "Hey...

I was writing an e mail and the A key got stuck.

I wasn't expecting such a crowd. I'm nervous.

I weep for humanity.

I went to the market with Penny.

I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs...

I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations...

I wonder who's gonna tell his parents that they're not having grandchildren.

I wonder why no one else bid.

I would have to say, "You were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again."

I would never use a transporter.

I would not say that.

I would suggest something to the effect of:

I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

I'd better come with you.

I'd like to point out, I voted for orangutan...

I'd like to try a Slippery Nipple.

I'd love to, but I don't have tangerine chicken.

I'd say he's doing fine. Look at her.

I'll be back.

I'll call you when it's in the dryer.

I'll call you with a time and place.

I'll do the talking.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get my chisel. Heh heh.

I'll get you a blanket and a pillow.

I'll give you $100, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll go for 200. That time machine stays right where it is.

I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.

I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy...

I'll know.

I'll show you the radiation lab.

I'll take a look at it.

I'll take the heart smart platter.

I'll talk to you later.

I'll tell you what happened. I just learned how to pick up lndian chicks.

I'll walk you to your car. You're in Structure 3, Level C, right?

I'm 26 years old...

I'm a fancy lndian man. We invented pajamas.

I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit.

I'm a male and she's a female.

I'm a rogue knight elf.

I'm a romantic.

I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.

I'm a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.

I'm actually not that into music.

I'm allergic to peanuts.

I'm always bragging to my friends about my brother, the rocket scientist.

I'm at work.

I'm at work.

I'm back.

I'm being ridiculous.

I'm confused again. Is he waiting, or do we get to shoot him between the eyes?

I'm confused.

I'm confused. Did Sheldon stop giving milk?

I'm doing this for you, little buddy.

I'm doing this to be a good neighbor.

I'm done. Anybody else?

I'm extremely uncomfortable with dancing...

I'm fine, Leonard. Just go away.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm getting rid of all of it.

I'm glad you agree. I hired some guys to help us move it.

I'm going back to bed.

I'm going to assert my dominance face to face.

I'm going to the conference, presenting our findings.

I'm gonna ask one more time.

I'm gonna be more realistic and go after someone my own speed.

I'm gonna invite her over.

I'm having a panic attack.

I'm having a party on Saturday, so if you're around, come by.

I'm having a really rough time. Like I said...

I'm her friend. I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.

I'm here for you.

I'm just gonna go wash up.

I'm just gonna sit down.

I'm just inferring that this as a couch...

I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.

I'm just trying to clean up after your mess.

I'm kind of torn between Einstein, Newton and Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.

I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.

I'm listening.

I'm looking at it right now.

I'm making petri dishes to grow throat cultures.

I'm no expert, but in the context of a lunch invitation...

I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show.

I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all.

I'm not even gonna ask why you're pimping me out for cheese...

I'm not going in there.

I'm not going to do that, Howard.

I'm not going to. I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

I'm not gonna engage in hypotheticals here.

I'm not gonna pass that up for some hypothetical future happiness...

I'm not gonna walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.

I'm not hitting on her.

I'm not hungry.

I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you.

I'm not just fixing my eggs, I'm fixing everyone's eggs.

I'm not quite sure.

I'm not saying no.

I'm not staring, I'm mulling.

I'm not sure that I do. Um....

I'm not sure, but I think I'm about to discover how the banana felt.

I'm not sure.

I'm not surprised.

I'm not talking about this with you.

I'm not. No offense.

I'm on the team and I wasn't there. Ergo, the team did not meet.

I'm ordering pizza online. Is everyone okay with pepperoni?

I'm packing up all my collectibles and taking them down to the comic book store to sell.

I'm Penny, and I'll be your host because...

I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita.

I'm pretty sure I never said that.

I'm pretty sure my anger is with you.

I'm really busy with my like sign dilepton supersymmetry search.

I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities...

I'm scared.

I'm seducing you.

I'm sick. Thank you very much.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry I tried to blow up your head.

I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's not your fault.

I'm sorry, do you speak English?

I'm sorry, I don't get the point.

I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.

I'm sorry, I should have mentioned this earlier.

I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.

I'm sorry, I'm really not very good at this.

I'm sorry, is the winner of the Physics Bowl the team that has the most fun?

I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

I'm sorry, this really isn't my strong suit.

I'm sorry, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.

I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced.

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Was that supposed to be a secret?

I'm sorry. What were the choices again?

I'm still getting over this break up with Kurt.

I'm sure she's not contagious.

I'm sure there's someone out there who's just right for you.

I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.

I'm the Doppler effect.

I'm truly sorry for what happened last night.

I'm trying to see how long it takes a 500 kilowatt oxygen iodine laser...

I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.

I'm usually on the other side of the tie.

I'm very congested.

I'm very proud of you, honey. You showed a lot of courage today.

I'm very, very sorry.

I'm warning you. I was judo champion at math camp.

I'm with you. I just have to make sure if I'm a synthetic human, I'd still be *******.

I've always wanted to go to Long Beach.

I've been doing research on addiction...

I've been meaning to ask you, do you think we should make a call about that?

I've been thinking. Instead of arguing about this, why ?

I've come to call on Missy.

I've decided that if the three of you drop whatever you're working on and join me...

I've decided you're right.

I've done it. About two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone.

I've done my best, but he wants to go home and I don't know how to stop him.

I've got my work.

I've got some feelers out.

I've got the Sword of Azeroth.

I've had enough of your condescension.

I've hesitated to point this out...

I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.

I've spent three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations.

If a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either is observed...

If by "holy smokes," you mean a derivative restatement of the stuff...

If he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement.

If he understands that, you're in trouble.

If he were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.

If I could have, I would have.

If I could, I wouldn't be having an attack.

If I know them, why shouldn't I give them?

If I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon.

If I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon.

If I remember, Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans..

If I stand, I'll vomit.

If I went into that apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies?

If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.

If I'm going to get ahead of this, I need to find out what's growing in my throat.

If I'm not taking credit for our work, then nobody is.

If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear...

If it gets here and I'm not here, could you sign for it and put it in?

If it's any consolation...

If it's observed after it left the plane, before it hits its target...

If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one.

If Penny didn't know that Leslie had turned me down...

If she does agree to go out, it turns out to be a setup.

If she Googles Leopold Houston, she'll find a Facebook page...

If she were to log on to www. socalphysicsgroup.org/activities/other...

If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk...

If that was a movie, I would go see it.

If that's a working stethoscope...

If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters...

If the wedding's not till tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?

If there was another Wailing Wall exactly like the one in Jerusalem...

If there's no costume parade, what are we doing here?

If water's involved, we'll ground the crap out of the thing.

If we all go back to the same time, Bell's lab's going to get very crowded.

If we take the dish off, it might fit in the elevator.

If we're gonna fight over Missy, let's do it the right way.

If we're having anchovies on the pizza, we can't take it out of bathroom time.

If we're through playing Mock the Flawed Technology...

If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season.

If you do not get out of my way...

If you do not stop hitting on my lady, you will feel the full extent of my wrath.

If you don ' t want to meddle, why are you meddling?

If you don't have any other plans...

If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.

If you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments.

If you mean it should end up in the same place, then I agree.

If you need money, you can always sell blood.

If you wait for us to set up the time machine...

If you wanna start acting like a brother who cares about me, terrific.

If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.

If you were to travel back in time and knock me unconscious...

If you weren't happy with my presentation, then maybe you should've given it with me.

If you'd let me invite Penny, you would've had a fourth.

If you'll excuse me, I have some bar mitzvah bonds to cash.

If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.

If you're concerned about sharing credit with me, your name can go first I'm going.

If you're gonna drink on this date, just promise me you won't overdo it.

If you're into music, I happen to be a human beatbox...

If you're not attracted, then the likelihood of conception will be reduced.

If you're up for it, we could practice that middle section again.

In a proper sandwich, the cheese is adjacent to the bread...

In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located...

In a world that already includes a Big Boy...

In addition

In all of them, that is the point.

In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.

In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got to hook up...

In fact, I doubt if he can even spell confrontation.

In lndia, this would be simpler.

In my apartment? While I was sleeping?

In my defense, I prefaced that by saying "with all due respect."

In principle, you have a point.

In the information age, Sheldon, you and I are the alpha males.

In the living room.

In the meantime, keep it real, babe.

In the meantime, listen to this.

In the next four to eight days, she's going to get very crabby.

In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimieux...

In the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.

In the summer, it's in a cross breeze created by opening windows there and there.

In what space, sir? In what space?

In what universe do I have Penny?

In what words, then, exactly?

In winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm...

Inconsiderate. That is the adjective. Inconsiderate.

Incredible.

Indigestion?

Informal protest.

Instead of a titanium centrifuge, my parents bought me

Interesting, kind of pretty, a little chubby, so probably low self esteem.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Intoxicating, isn't it?

Invite her over, make her feel welcome.

Is Dr. Gablehauser going to be my new daddy?

Is everything okay?

Is it because I'm *******?

Is it just me or does web chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?

Is she doing it one thong at a time or does she throw it all in?

Is she happy because I'm seeing someone or because she thinks I'm happy?

Is she lost?

Is that a relevant factor?

Is that crazy?

Is that even possible?

Is that her perfume I smell?

Is that one 36 hour experience or is that 36 hours spread out over...

Is that really necessary?

Is that what that was? I just assumed...

Is that why they sent you to boarding school?

Is the sex starting now?

Is there a theme?

Is there another Penny here?

Is there anything you'd like to apologize for?

Is this how you normally work? Just hunches and guesses and stuff?

Is this usually how these physics things go?

Is this your only tie?

Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?

Is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping...

Isn't it great? She isn't fat anymore.

Isn't that confusing? AA might mean something else to certain people.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't need proving.

It doesn't spoil...

It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, discouraging conversation...

It had nothing to do with your bed wetting.

It has been some time...

It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.

It is a little big for the living room, isn't it?

It is good.

It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is.

It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman...

It looks like something they found on the ship at Roswell.

It might.

It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels.

It only moves in time.

It pissed our dog off to no end.

It really worked.

It refers to the early construction of beds...

It says, "Keep this on your person at all times."

It says, "l know my physics, but I'm still a fun guy."

It serves the ancient imperative of protecting oneself against marauders.

It should be something fun.

It stands for Perpetual Motion Squad.

It took you four years to get through high school?

It was a joke.

It was always Sheldon's favorite. You know what the secret ingredient is?

It was eight courses of lamb. And they tried to fix me up with their son.

It was just this one time, Papa, I swear.

It was miniaturized by Brainiac before Krypton exploded...

It was more of a double major, actually.

It was obviously effective.

It was Penny's boyfriend's. They broke up.

It was said that the gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars...

It was Sheldon.

It was sparsely sourced, but I think the science is valid.

It was uncalled for.

It was.

It wasn't It was not You are a nutcase.

It will be attached to the payload bay...

It won't change the past.

It won't happen. He is not interested in anything but physics.

It worked for my parents.

It worked for my parents.

It worked.

It would be nice not to have to drive to Anaheim in rush hour.

It would be worse than useless in a swamp.

It'll look like one person going really fast.

It's "Halo" night.

It's 7:05.

It's a billion dollar idea. Shhh!

It's a boy girl party, this Flash runs solo.

It's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics.

It's a children's story.

It's a couple days early.

It's a good party. Thanks for having It's just getting a little late, so....

It's a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need...

It's a little loud.

It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it.

It's a nightmare.

It's a non optional social convention.

It's a paradox.

It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.

It's a small brown paper bag, Ma.

It's a spoof of the Born Oppenheimer approximation.

It's a start.

It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.

It's a sweet green miracle.

It's a very nice community. The Queen Mary is docked there.

It's about an lndian princess who befriends a monkey...

It's about Leonard.

It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska...

It's about to tell my parents...

It's accurate to one tenth of a second.

It's actually a tremendous bargain.

It's all in the math.

It's amazing.

It's an experiment.

It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was 5.

It's before he became...

It's betrayal.

It's beyond the laws of physics, plus a little heads up for the ladies.

It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly, you deserve it.

It's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon...

It's Darth Vader shampoo.

It's fine. you win.

It's French for "good shower."

It's from the lnstitute for Experimental Physics.

It's gonna take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.

It's just It's my pattern.

It's just a matter I don't have this! I do not have this!

It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.

It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met.

It's like looking into an obnoxious mirror, isn't it?

It's like Nerdvana.

It's me.

It's my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon based life form.

It's no big deal. It's the way I was raised.

It's no fault of Quizno's. They have a varied menu.

It's not a bidding war. I'm selling it all to Larry down at the comic book store.

It's not about money.

It's not like I have rent or car payments or anything.

It's not your fault.

It's noteworthy that at other points in history...

It's obvious they meant well.

It's okay to be smarter than everybody, but you can't go around pointing it out.

It's okay, sweetie. Good news.

It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing and it won't be my last.

It's on, bitch.

It's possible she may have misunderstood us.

It's reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.

It's relaxation through brainwave manipulation.

It's right down the hall.

It's right here on the bottom.

It's right here, under Batman's signature.

It's settled. Christy will stay with Howard, Penny can go back to her apartment.

It's smashed beyond repair. What are you gonna do with it?

It's startling you haven't considered a Lorentz invariant or field theory approach.

It's still my turn.

It's stopped bleeding.

It's Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

It's the fallacy of extending someone's argument to ridiculous proportions...

It's the medication. I can't stop smiling.

It's the only way we can play teams.

It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order.

It's the same amount of work, no matter how fast you go. Basic physics.

It's the social protocol.

It's time for a showdown.

It's time travel, Leonard. I will have done that.

It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12.

It's up to you. Crazy person's choice.

It's up to you. We don 't want to meddle.

It's what you do...

Judging by my e mail, a number of prisoners at the Michigan State Penitentiary found it.

Juice box?

Just a bunch of my friends, have some beer, do a little dancing.

Just a heads up, fellas, if anyone gets lucky...

Just ask another one.

Just because I'm lndian, I can't be a Norse god?

Just come with me.

Just eat your tangerine chicken.

Just eat, Sheldon. You'll feel better.

Just extending the intimacy.

Just get a hamburger. You like hamburgers.

Just give it to me. Sh.

Just have fun with it.

Just look. I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team.

Just one night, but they invite casting people and agents.

Just pretty good? I'd think you were doing very good.

Just reset the board.

Just roll the dice.

Just say the "but" thing about Doug, and then I'll get her back.

Just so we're clear, you understand me hanging back to practice with you...

Just stick with the character profile I wrote for you.

Just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.

Just the other day, I discovered he not only has a loofah, he hides it.

Just to clarify...

Just... a lot.

Keebler elf? I got a Keebler elf right here.

Keep him longer, when you get to the party...

Keep rubbing.

Keep walking.

Kissing? What kind of kissing? Cheeks, lips, chase, French?

Lactose intolerance is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Ladies and gentlemen, honored daughters...

Ladies and gentlemen, I hold in my hand the final question.

Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground.

Lalita, this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny.

Lambda equals one over pi R squared N.

Late? It's 7:05.

Lay it on me.

Leningrad Politechnika.

Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbor.

Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy.

Leonard and Sheldon, go to the junkyard and pick up 6 square meters of aluminum.

Leonard called me.

Leonard can't process corn.

Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it's iffy.

Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist.

Leonard is driving Sheldon down to help him through this...

Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with.

Leonard lied to me. Isn't that right, Leonard?

Leonard made it clear he doesn't want a party.

Leonard might come home. Can we talk in my apartment?

Leonard needs a DVD burner.

Leonard, are you okay?

Leonard, don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize...

Leonard, excellent. I wanna show you something.

Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello.

Leonard, I don't think I can do this

Leonard, I'm sick.

Leonard, I'm sick.

Leonard, it's 2 in the morning.

Leonard, may I present, live from New Delhi, Dr. and Mrs. V. M. Koothrappali?

Leonard, my comforter fell down and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.

Leonard, ready to go?

Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

Leonard, the two of us can't even carry a TV.

Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld.

Leonard, we're gonna be rich.

Leonard, will we be seeing you on Saturday for your free birthday cheesecake?

Leonard, you are so great.

Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.

Leonard!

Leonard!

Leonard?

Leonard?

Leonard?

Leonard?

Leonard?

Leonard? Leonard?

Leonard? Leonard?

Leonard? Leonard?

Leonard? Leonard? Leonard?

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Leonard's fine. I'm fine, thanks for asking, by the way.

Leslie and I do research together at the university.

Leslie is a terrific girl. She's attractive. We like each other.

Leslie Winkle.

Leslie, this is Penny, she lives across the hall from Sheldon and me.

Leslie?

Let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country.

Let it go, Sheldon.

Let me ask you something, Penny.

Let me offer a little thinking here.

Let me remind you, while my moral support is absolute, in a physical confrontation...

Let me walk you through it.

Let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned.

Let's get something straight.

Let's go, baby, we're losing daylight.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's just do this.

Let's not forget it's got some really catchy tunes.

Let's push.

Let's put it to a vote.

Let's say 4390.

Let's try just walking out.

Libido, one. Truth, zero.

Like Jane Goodall observing the apes...

Like luminous fish.

Like some sort of erotic bouillabaisse?

Like what? We can't get 1 5 year old girls drunk.

Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs?

Listen, I gotta get to the lab.

Little Lalita, little Lalita, little Lalita.

Little Lalita.

Little Miss Grown Ups Don't Play With Toys.

Little misunderstanding, huh?

Little more.

Lnteresting, you should lead with that.

Lock and load.

Locked himself in his room and built a sonic death ray.

Lois Lane is falling.

Look at me, look at me, I've got goose bumps.

Look at me. I'm in the real world of ordinary people...

Look at the beta function of quantum chromodynamics.

Look at this. Everyone went chimp.

Look on the bright side, she might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.

Look, do you have a second?

Look, do you wanna buy me out or not?

Look, Howard, I know her, okay?

Look, I am in the "Halo" battle of my life here.

Look, I'm going to solve the Middle East crisis...

Look, I'm not jealous. I'm just a little concerned for her.

Look, if this was 15,000 years ago, by virtue of his size and strength...

Look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis.

Look, Penny, it's okay.

Look, sir, we are very busy here and I just don't

Look, why don't we play tomorrow?

Lox and bagels, the breakfast of time travelers.

Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended.

Luckily for you, this is not a nuclear reactor.

Luckily for you. She could have you beheaded.

Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.

Madam Curie's discovery of radium turned out to have great potential...

Make sure they remember, no peanuts.

Make way for the fastest man alive.

May I introduce my special lady friend, Summer.

Maybe Friday.

Maybe I am her gay friend.

Maybe I didn't go to college when I was 11, like you.

Maybe I got my doctorate at 24 instead of 16.

Maybe it's for the best.

Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl.

Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Maybe sometime you can try that on my instrument.

Maybe take a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common.

Maybe the comic book store doesn't have a bulletin board.

Maybe they had to go to a clinic. Can you imagine Spock's dad...

Maybe they just wanna be friends.

Maybe we could enter a couple of "Halo" tournaments sometime.

Maybe we should talk first.

Maybe we should've asked if we could go dancing with her and her girlfriend.

Maybe we're too smart.

Maybe you should keep your eye on the ball, Papa.

Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.

Maybe, if it's a cute little cuddly cat.

Maybe.

Maybe. If you like women who are tall.

Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening.

Me too. Of course, it speaks to me culturally.

Me?

Me? Okay.

Men do things for women without expecting sex.

Message received.

Might as well read it, everybody else has. Go ahead.

Might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession.

Mine.

Miss Lane, who is now traveling...

Missy, I'm gonna go get my nails done. Do you wanna come?

Missy, this is Leonard and Rajesh, and you've already met Howard.

Missy.

Missy.

Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?

Mm! Are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate?

Mm. By Odin's beard, this is good Chex Mix.

Mm. There's my little engine that could.

Mm. This is really delicious, isn't it?

Mm. You were the youngest ever to win it.

Mmm.

Mom, my bar mitzvah bonds, how much do I got?

Mom, what are you doing here?

Mommy?

More importantly, you have a Darth Vader voice changer?

More often than you'd think.

More precisely, we used your loofa.

Morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Most frightening, most authentic...

Move your finger.

Mr. Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stanford University...

Mr. Wolowitz, this is your second warning.

Mrs. Bell was deaf. She's not even gonna hear you knock.

MRS. KOOTHRAPPALl: Such sweet young men.

MRS. KOOTHRAPPALl: What are we supposed to say to Lalita's parents?

MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard, it's the phone.

MRS. WOLOWITZ: Why, so you and Howard can hump on it?

Mum's the word.

My apologies, Leonard. I'm only as good as my teacher.

My apologies. What's your plan?

My boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back.

My father broke his clavicle.

My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2 a.m...

My first birthday party.

My friend is having allergic reaction to peanuts.

My friend's getting married at Disneyland.

My last growth spurt.

My last name is Wolowitz.

My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.

My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I could never please my parents...

My parents are trying to marry me off to a stranger. What am I going to do?

My parents focused on celebrating achievements...

My Physics Bowl trophy.

My point.

My Spanish is not good. either her son or her butcher.

My spare glasses are in my bedroom, on my dresser, next to my bat signal.

My Spidey sense tells me this has something to do with Penny.

My turn on the time machine.

My turn.

My turn.

My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado.

Neither do l.

Neither of us are neuroscientists, but we both understand the biochemistry of sex.

Neither of you are good enough for my sister.

Never been proven.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Never mind.

Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you...

Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.

New neighbor?

Next question. "What is the force between two uncharged plates...

Next thing you know, my eyebrows are gone.

Nice and loose? Come to play? Got your game face on?

Nice meeting you.

Nice. I got him a sweater.

No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, " Hey, get your thing out of my nose."

No guts, no glory, man.

No kidding.

No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with a Bengal tiger...

No offense.

No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

No one can make you get married.

No one ever thinks it'll happen until it does.

No one has to know.

No one would say that. A light year is a unit of distance, not time.

No problem.

No problem. Bye.

No problem. Turning it down.

No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.

No reason.

No sponge baths and definitely no enemas.

No substitutions.

No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.

No, after my tongue has swollen to the size of a brisket.

No, at the sub shop, we were only making out.

No, but it was okay.

No, but you're right.

No, come on, it's gonna be fun. And you all look great.

No, congratulations will have been in order.

No, don't.

No, don't. Wait, hold on.

No, except for fish, and the occasional steak. I love steak.

No, he doesn't.

No, he would be exactly the same.

No, he's not. You're not, right, Leonard?

No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.

No, I don't, and neither do you.

No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did.

No, I mean the obvious, crude double entendre.

No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

No, I meant

No, I said animalistic.

No, I thought of it all by myself.

No, I wanna talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.

No, I'm a hobbit.

No, I'm done with Penny.

No, I'm from Omaha.

No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and "Halo 3."

No, I'm just kidding. I'll re record it.

No, I'm lost too. I think she skipped a step.

No, it doesn't.

No, it was a valid hypothesis.

No, it's 6:30 in the morning.

No, it's about Penny.

No, it's not crazy. It's a

No, it's:

No, just crazy.

No, let's assume that they can.

No, look at my fingers, they're like Vienna sausages.

No, my mom had to fly back to Texas to help my dad...

No, no, I didn't say better, I said less stained.

No, no, let me do the math for you.

No, no, no, Raj has to be an lndian god.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Orcs are magic.

No, no, no. That was not my point.

No, no, that's crazy.

No, no.

No, no. Counterclockwise, or my chest hair mats.

No, no. I'm okay.

No, no. Princess Panchali from The Monkey and The Princess.

No, no. Scientists do not compromise.

No, no. What, are you kidding?

No, no. you gave me an explanation.

No, not like Haroon and Tanvir.

No, of course not.

No, problem. Welcome home.

No, see, the liquid metal terminators were created in the future by Skynet...

No, seriously, you can. I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia.

No, she doesn't want that.

No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene.

No, thanks.

No, thanks. Peanuts.

No, that baby's broken.

No, that baby's broken.

No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.

No, that would be under reacting.

No, that's Mrs. Grossinger.

No, that's ridiculous.

No, that's the least of our worries.

No, this is fun.

No, this is stuff I want you to throw out.

No, we turned our stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the lnternet.

No, we were annihilated by our own incompetence...

No, we're going with middle child and a genetic predisposition...

No, yeah, she's definitely a whore.

No, you did better than that. You helped me see it on my own.

No, you don't understand.

No, you don't.

No, you don't.

No, you know what?

No, you were right the first time.

No, you won't. Uh....

No, you're coming with me.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Call Leonard Hofstadter.

No. I can't let you do this.

No. I can't look at you or your avatar right now.

No. I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.

No. It's usually over a weekend.

No. No more toys or action figures or props or replicas...

No. No, not really.

No. Six thirty is great.

No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

No. The dark crescent shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.

No. We are committing genetic fraud.

No. We don't live together. I mean...

No. We're gonna start season two of Battlestar Galactica.

No. What I'm saying is, Leonard might be different in a good way.

No. Yeah, take the couch, or my bed. I just got new pillows.

No. You don't get it.

No. You'll be on your hands and knees.

Nobody ever expects me.

None at all?

None shall pass.

Not as high as air traffic controllers, but there are far more dentists...

Not bad. I myself started graduate school at 14.

Not being drunk or high or wondering if you're a dude down there.

Not flesh eating Morlocks.

Not heavy ones.

Not if you believe his doctors.

Not much.

Not necessarily. I'm often surprised by my lack of familiarity with Leonard.

Not necessary. I have a master's in engineering.

Not now. I have a blog to find.

Not only are there children starving in lndia, there's an lndian starving right here.

Not only is he still not talking to me, but he does this thing...

Not really.

Not so fast. Remember, the South still has two infantry divisions.

Not surprising.

Not that I don't love having you, but it's a little crowded.

Not that I need to know the details of your sex life.

Not the kind that would make her wanna take care of me.

Not to mention being blindfolded...

Not to mention imaginary.

Not to mention you'd have to power down on Saturdays.

Not to mention, Sheldon is bat crap crazy.

Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla...

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was throwing you a bone.

Not unless the doors are connected by relays.

Not with commentary.

Nothing, you're perfect.

Nothing.

Nothing. I just really didn't wanna come.

Now get out of the way so I can sit in my time machine.

Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying.

Now it's just going, "Aaaah."

Now see, what's this here in the schematic, a laser array?

Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.

Now that Leonard's made me aware of how high the genetic stakes are...

Now you can show quarks are asymptotically free at high energies.

Now you.

Now, a little more.

Now, add 140 for me, 120 for you

Now, after a moment of silent meditation, I'm gonna end with "in Jesus' name"...

Now, given that winter is coming, one can assume she's signaling...

Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with.

Now, I've lived my whole life dealing with the fact that my twin brother is...

Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle in a 28 day cycle

Now, if you were biting on the olive...

Now, let's get cracking.

Now, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab and he's in a Motel 8 in Long Beach.

Now, Raj, jump in the tank.

Now, since no one knows when or if the poison has been released...

Now, that's impossible. You must've had him when you were a teenager.

Now, try to increase your alpha wave activity.

Now, turn it on.

Now, when did the symptoms first appear?

Now, you listen here.

Now, you listen to me.

Now, you'll need to get the sensor close to Sheldon's room.

Obviously, you're not well suited for three dimensional chess.

Of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention.

Of course not.

Of course you didn't. He said "little idea"?

Of course you don't. You've never excelled at anything.

Of course, but not by myself.

Of course, there's the other possibility that this day kicks off...

Of course, they prefer it if you have a kid.

Of course, we're all animals...

Of course, yeah.

Of course, yeah. Emotional chafing.

Of course.

Oh, all the time.

Oh, and bye, bro. Heh.

Oh, and look, there's a girl taking her shirt off.

Oh, and look, there's a girl taking her shirt off.

Oh, and then I believe she has to wash her hair.

Oh, aren't you sweet. His father's dead.

Oh, boy.

Oh, careful.

Oh, come on, Leonard....

Oh, come on. Some battles you win, some battles you lose.

Oh, come on. You know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?

Oh, dear God.

Oh, dear Lord.

Oh, dear, I am rightly and truly screwed.

Oh, glare.

Oh, glow in the dark tampons.

Oh, God, I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed.

Oh, God, look at this buffet.

Oh, God, my board.

Oh, God, my fingers!

Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God

Oh, God, you know, four years I lived with him.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, good for me.

Oh, good grief.

Oh, good Lord.

Oh, good, you're all here.

Oh, good. Then you won't be disappointed.

Oh, gravity, thou art a heatless bitch.

Oh, he once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.

Oh, he speaks English. He just can't speak to women.

Oh, he:

Oh, he'll be okay once the women are mixed into the crowd.

Oh, hey, buddy.

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh, hey, guys. You having a good time?

Oh, hey, how about her?

Oh, hey, Penny. Wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase.

Oh, hi

Oh, hi, sorry.

Oh, hi.

Oh, honey, is your medication wearing off?

Oh, I am being nice.

Oh, I didn't know they still made corduroy suits.

Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.

Oh, I guess you didn't.

Oh, I hadn't thought about it like that.

Oh, I hardly think so.

Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you.

Oh, I see. It was the apple falling on Newton's head.

Oh, I wish it were that simple.

Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye bye.

Oh, I'll wedge it right in there.

Oh, I'm a vegetarian.

Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.

Oh, I'm in a radiation suit.

Oh, I'm so sorry I'm such a mess.

Oh, I've got it.

Oh, I've seen that look before.

Oh, if only I had his confidence.

Oh, it was okay, I guess.

Oh, it's okay. I didn't really need to work today.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, Leonard, you magnificent beast.

Oh, Leonard.

Oh, look, they built a new putt putt course.

Oh, Lord, we thank you for this meal and for all your bounty.

Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kind of slutty.

Oh, my God, do you smell gas?

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

Oh, my God, there's a breach in the radiation unit.

Oh, my God, this is the best cobbler I've ever had.

Oh, my God. Professor Guggenheim is melting. Gotta go. Bye.

Oh, my God. Sean Penn.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, my.

Oh, my. Gherkins and....

Oh, my. Gherkins and....

Oh, my. She does smell good.

Oh, neat. What's the occasion?

Oh, nice.

Oh, no kidding. Who is that?

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, no, it isn't.

Oh, no, it's fine. You got most of it out the window.

Oh, no, Morlocks.

Oh, no, no, I want to. Sounds really interesting.

Oh, no, no, no. No, I have too much to do.

Oh, no, not Morlocks.

Oh, no, thanks. I'm going to the mall with Emma.

Oh, no, that's probably not such a good idea.

Oh, no, well, now, there's always the possibility...

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, not important.

Oh, now you're a funnyman? This is not funny, Mr. Funnyman.

Oh, of course not.

Oh, okay, maybe you should start heading on out, then.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Well, then, calm down.

Oh, ouch.

Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.

Oh, Penny.

Oh, please, it's not a time machine. If anything, it looks like...

Oh, please.

Oh, please. For Vulcans, mating, or, if you will, Pon farr...

Oh, please. I admit, that spherical chicken joke was hilarious.

Oh, really?

Oh, right, it's your birthday.

Oh, right, of course. What was I thinking?

Oh, right, right, right.

Oh, Sheldon, are we really gonna go with pop psychology?

Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry...

Oh, Sheldon. Can't you do that yourself?

Oh, sorry, I just I've heard it before.

Oh, sure I am.

Oh, sure you do.

Oh, sweet Krishna, shake that rupee maker.

Oh, sweetie, I don't even think it works as one.

Oh, sweetie, you are so damaged.

Oh, terrific. Now we're running a cute little B & B.

Oh, thank you. I've got to talk to that mailman.

Oh, thank you. Maybe we can have coffee sometime.

Oh, thanks, Raj. It's vanilla oil.

Oh, that is so, so....

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's nice. Like Haroon and Tanvir.

Oh, that's so nice. I'd love to.

Oh, that's too bad. Well, hey, don't worry.

Oh, then you're probably okay.

Oh, too bad.

Oh, uh, not much.

Oh, wait.

Oh, wait.

Oh, we do have a chocolate key lime that's moving pretty well.

Oh, we tried kissing, but the Earth didn't move.

Oh, we will. You have to take your time with Sheldon.

Oh, welcome to the building.

Oh, well, great. The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.

Oh, what the hell.

Oh, why didn't you wear it on Halloween?

Oh, wow, a paisley shirt.

Oh, wow. A girl scientist.

Oh, yay.

Oh, yeah No.

Oh, yeah, a lot of people think I'm a water sign.

Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online but they wanted my credit card.

Oh, yeah, no, I use those...

Oh, yeah, okay, me too. Zip it, lock it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'll have it cleaned.

Oh, yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like:

Oh, yes. But there's usually planning, courtship, advance notice.

Oh, yes. I could have stayed behind to watch Wolowitz hit on Penny...

Oh, yes. There was a very official e mail...

Oh, you got yourself a loom. How nice.

Oh, you know what? Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Oh, you know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj. Who all is coming?

Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.

Oh, you know, you did throw an 80 gig iPod

Oh, you poor deluded bastard.

Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?

Oh, you're just gonna be done? Okay, cool, thanks.

Oh, you're just gonna step right ? Okay.

Oh! They found the remote control cars.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Because it looks a lot like breakfast.

Oh. Congratulations, you are the proud owner of a miniature time machine.

Oh. Eh....

Oh. Get one of those universal remotes at RadioShack.

Oh. Hey, guys, what's up?

Oh. Hey, Sheldon. What's going on?

Oh. Honey, that ain't gonna work, but you keep trying.

Oh. It's very impressive.

Oh. Leonard, don't trouble yourself. He's stubborn.

Oh. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for coming.

Oh. Okay. You know, I don't want to criticize your rhetorical style...

Oh. Sorry. You all look alike to us.

Oh. That's so cool.

Oh. That's so sweet.

Oh. This would be one of those circumstances...

Oh. Well, no. I mean, not in those words

Oh. Well, then, good.

Oh. Where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?

Oh. Wow.

Oh. Wow.

Oh.... I don't think she's a whore.

Okay, all right. Moving on.

Okay, assuming we could dance, which we can't...

Okay, calm down.

Okay, can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.

Okay, consider this.

Okay, fine. We'll just play one on one until he gets back.

Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide.

Okay, first order of Physics Bowl business.

Okay, great, I'm having some furniture delivered...

Okay, ground rules:

Okay, he can have carrot cake.

Okay, here you go, Leonard. One Tequila Sunrise.

Okay, here. "What actor holds the record...

Okay, here. Take this and this and this...

Okay, here's the deal.

Okay, how about this?

Okay, how about this? Nobody gets to be the Flash.

Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328.

Okay, I don't need your attitude. Just hold him there a little longer.

Okay, I get it. I know how the world works.

Okay, I got this. Lock and load, boys.

Okay, I have a problem.

Okay, I have my own wholesale flower business.

Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

Okay, I'm blind here, guys. Can you help me find them?

Okay, I'm leaving for the conference.

Okay, if everyone could please take your seats?

Okay, if I may drill down to the bedrock of my question...

Okay, if no one else will say it, I will.

Okay, if that is some sort of learning disability...

Okay, it's a stalemate.

Okay, it's definitely me.

Okay, it's not good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just re spawned.

Okay, it's on.

Okay, Kurt, please.

Okay, Leonard, put down the box. Let's talk.

Okay, Leonard...

Okay, Leonard...

Okay, let me put it this way: I'm doing it.

Okay, let me try it this way.

Okay, let's do this. I will drive Sheldon to get a present.

Okay, let's see, what else?

Okay, let's see, what else?

Okay, look. Ahem.

Okay, man, be cool.

Okay, maybe you didn't hear me.

Okay, neat. But I really gotta get to work.

Okay, nice and cozy.

Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for putt putt golf, right?

Okay, now you're starting to make me mad.

Okay, now, do you really need...

Okay, now, I need to make sure I have a Lalita...

Okay, okay, look, if this is about yesterday, Leonard...

Okay, Raj, what'll it be?

Okay, Sheldon, what was it supposed to be?

Okay, Shelly, sit down.

Okay, since I'm obviously being ignored here, let's go over the morning schedule.

Okay, so here's the thing.

Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers?

Okay, so let me see if I got this. Leonard, Howard and

Okay, so not her either.

Okay, so you absolutely should talk to him.

Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard?

Okay, sure.

Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself...

Okay, sweetie, I understand you have scars that no non professional can heal...

Okay, sweetie. I'll take care of you. What do you need?

Okay, thanks for your time.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, that is it.

Okay, that was very nice of you. Okay, I gotta go.

Okay, that's it. I don't know how, but she is cheating.

Okay, the first question is on the topic of optics.

Okay, then riddle me this.

Okay, then.

Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try.

Okay, this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity.

Okay, this place does look pretty good.

Okay, turn right.

Okay, we don't have that in stock...

Okay, we're gonna need a strong fourth for our team.

Okay, well, good night.

Okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbor.

Okay, well, guess we're back to the corduroy suit.

Okay, well, he might like that. I've seen him get chilly.

Okay, well, it I don't know. It's just me.

Okay, well, let's jump right in. First question.

Okay, well, let's just see what else you have.

Okay, well, obviously, you're very busy with your, ah, um....

Okay, well, speaking of spreads...

Okay, well, thank you for getting my mail.

Okay, well, um, come on in.

Okay, well, you feel better.

Okay, well, you know, this isn't that bad.

Okay, what exactly do you think's going on between us?

Okay, whatever, it sounds like fun.

Okay, where were we?

Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousin?

Okay, yeah, great. Listen....

Okay, yeah, no problem. Just come up here, help me pull and turn.

Okay, you'll have to narrow it down.

Okay, you're cut off.

Okay? And you don't shoot to wound.

Okay? Any costume you want.

Okay? Good, coming up.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right, everybody, it's time to eat.

Okay. I am setting the dials for March 1 0th, 1876.

Okay. I was just checking.

Okay. I'll let you get back to fixing your eggs.

Okay. Let me try it this way.

Okay. Night.

Okay. No reductions.

Okay. Now we've got an inclined plane.

Okay. Raj, here you go.

Okay. Sweetie, I think that's the Grasshopper talking.

Okay. Uh, let me ask you this.

Okay. Uh....

Okay. Um....

Okay. Well, it was pleasant seeing you.

Okay. Well, thank you again.

Okay. What kind of soup do you want?

Olivia Geiger?

On my 1 2th birthday, I really wanted a titanium centrifuge...

On Sunday?

On the other hand, no arousal.

On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if this supercollider works...

On the plus side, it was a good kiss, reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle.

On what plane of existence is there even a semi rational link...

Once the largest liner in the world, it's now a hotel and restaurant...

Once you cut it open, it is, at best, a very small open faced sandwich.

Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabokov.

One day at a time, Penny.

One day at a time.

One day I'll win the Nobel Prize and then I'll die alone.

One day I'm a bachelor, and the next I'm married...

One of us should go talk to her.

One on one? We don't play one on one.

One, two, three, four

One, two, three.

Onion dip. It's onion dip.

Onion dip. It's onion dip.

Only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language.

Ooh, look, chocolate milk.

Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film.

Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy.

Oops.

Or a subset of them might be there.

Or friends.

Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second.

Or in your case, a cheesecake scented goddess.

Or maybe she just doesn't wanna talk.

Or maybe she wants to be friends and he wants something more.

Or we could just have a life.

Or we could walk right behind each other all night.

Other people might be interested.

Other people would say, "Why not?"

Other than that business with my testicles.

Our arrangement was you sit and not say anything.

Our babies will be smart and beautiful.

Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions.

Our shower works.

Out of curiosity...

Overdo what?

Ow!

Ow! Ow, ow, ow.

Ow.

Papa, please don't start.

Paradoxes are part of nature. I mean, think about light.

Participate in the what?

Pass.

Pathetic. All of you, completely pathetic.

Penny for your thoughts.

Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman costume I've ever seen.

Penny, are you okay?

Penny, I have an lQ of 187.

Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard a gift, I'm going to do it right.

Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay.

Penny, Penny, hold on.

Penny, the mailman did it again. He Oh, sorry.

Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister. Missy, this is our neighbor Penny.

Penny, we make such a good team.

Penny, we would very much appreciate it...

Penny, we'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now.

Penny, you are on fire.

Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon. He's a bit of a germaphobe.

Penny?

Penny?

Penny?

Penny?

Penny? Penny, I'm hungry.

Penny. I work at The Cheesecake Factory.

Penny's emotional responses originate in the primitive portion of brain, the amygdala.

Penny's fine, the guy she's kissing is really fine.

Penny's sleeping.

Penny's still sleeping.

Penny's up.

People wait until the last second, then they get it. It's called sniping.

Perfect, that gives you two hours and 15 minutes...

Perhaps even taller, smarter and less prone to freckling.

Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas, he'd be a little better at it.

Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.

Pfft.

Phew!

Plan your ablutions and bodily functions accordingly.

Please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.

Please don't come to my funeral. Have a good night.

Please go away.

Please help me.

Please, we insist. It's the least we can do, considering

Please.

Plus Superman and Godzilla.

PMS?

PMS?

Point four.

Point taken. It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off...

Poor choice. Gram for gram...

Pretty cool, huh?

Pretty good.

Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character.

Probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents...

Probably, but in their own homes.

Probably.

Problem solved.

Problem?

Psshoo.

Public access enabled.

Put it in your pocket.

Put it on the back burner.

Put the computer down and gather your friends.

PVC comes here. Maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here.

Question, how am I going to get Leonard a present before the party?

Quit it.

Raj got him an awesome limited edition Dark Knight sculpture...

Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking.

Raj, blow the gates.

Raj, honey...

Raj, it's a trap. They're flanking us.

Raj, Raj, she's got me cornered. Cover me.

Raj, we're not getting TV's Blossom to join our Physics Bowl team.

Rajesh Koothrappali spoke to Penny?

Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta?

Rajesh.

Really more to organize, you're not actually dirty, per se.

Really, thank you so much for going and trying.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Do you think I overreacted?

Really? How old?

Really? I was not aware of that.

Really? Never?

Really? Nothing?

Really? Oh, yay. Heh.

Really? So do l.

Really? That's impressive.

Really? They have your little name label in them.

Really? What happened?

Really? When was the last time you left the house?

Really? Why?

Really? Would it be totally weird if I used it?

Really? You don't look like you're swelling up.

Really? you?

Recognize.

Regardless, I have a chance at a real relationship with Leslie.

Remember all the ass kickings from the neighbor kids?

Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come...

Remember that, it's important.

Remember the Latin hips.

Remember the Latin hips.

Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they're warm.

Remember when I auditioned for Rent but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?

Remind me, I gotta introduce her to Howard.

Right now, I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component...

Right, anyway, uh, with Wolowitz occupied elsewhere...

Right, little buddy?

Right?

Right?

Right.

Right. Sorry.

Right. Thanks.

Right. You're Howard's entourage.

Romulan.

Run an infrared repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy.

Run some quarter inch PVC

Sadly, it's not.

Said Pharaoh to Moses.

Same paradox.

San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax:

Sandwich shop.

Sarcasm?

Save it for your blog, Howard.

Say what you will about healthcare in this country...

Score one for liquor and poor judgment.

Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be.

Screw his balcony. I'll give you 120 and put it in my garage.

Seconded.

See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.

See what?

See you next week.

See you next week.

See, it's moving. This is easy.

See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port au Prince.

See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting.

See?

See? People get it.

Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.

Seven hundred and sixty degrees Celsius.

Seven, eight, nine, 10.

She asked me a question. I should probably nod.

She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.

She called me up, she's like, "Hey, how's California?"

She didn't take my order.

She doesn't have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless. Annoying little animal. Yip yip yip.

She doesn't wanna talk.

She gets into Cornell, because you wrote her essay.

She got a Ph.D. in neuroscience or something.

She got here today and she's just been in my apartment...

She has the symmetry and low body fat that Western culture deems desirable.

She hugged you? How did she hug you?

She needs a point to point peer network with a range extender.

She thinks she's funny, but frankly, I've never been able to see it.

She uses a fork and she double dips her egg rolls.

She wants me. This thing is going the distance.

She was a little bigger than you, but it's basically the same look, man.

She was done with him, the relationship was broken...

She was engaged to my cousin while sleeping with my brother...

She was going to see through your lie eventually...

She was mad at him.

She was sleeping with you?

She'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.

She's 2 feet above the ground.

She's an enigma, Raj.

She's extremely intelligent.

She's in.

She's my twin sister.

She's not Catwoman. She's just a generic cat.

She's not hiding. She needed to call her grandmother, who's apparently very sick.

She's not my friend. Friends do not get their friends' Care Bears all sweaty.

She's so chatty.

She's standing very close to me.

Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo.

Sheldon is neither sound nor light, but he's obviously the Doppler effect.

Sheldon, a gift shouldn't be something someone needs.

Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?

Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?

Sheldon, get out of my way.

Sheldon, he's got Raj. Use your sleep spell.

Sheldon, how about this as my motivation?

Sheldon, I am so sorry I dragged you through this.

Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.

Sheldon, I think we should tell them.

Sheldon, if you were a robot and I knew and you didn't...

Sheldon, is proving you are single handedly smarter than everyone else so important...

Sheldon, let it go.

Sheldon, relax. She doesn't have any symptoms.

Sheldon, remember, we role played this.

Sheldon, shouldn't you be working?

Sheldon, sit.

Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a master's in engineering.

Sheldon, there's something I wanna talk to you about before we go.

Sheldon, think this through.

Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny.

Sheldon, this is not your home.

Sheldon, this was your idea.

Sheldon, we have to get out of here.

Sheldon, we have to go.

Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything.

Sheldon, what are you doing here?

Sheldon, what are you doing here?

Sheldon, what are you getting at?

Sheldon, what do you want?

Sheldon, what? Do I need to quote Spock's dying words to you?

Sheldon, what's the point?

Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?

Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?

Sheldon, why?

Sheldon, why?

Sheldon, you are a grown man. Haven't you ever been sick before?

Sheldon, you are not sick.

Sheldon, you can't be selfish.

Sheldon, you can't be selfish.

Sheldon, you got him in your sights. Fire! He's charging his plasma rifle.

Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.

Sheldon, you okay?

Sheldon, your mom made dinner.

Sheldon?

Sheldon?

Sheldon.

Sheldon.

Sheldon.

Sheldon.

Sheldon. Sheldon.

Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory.

Sheldon's office?

Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's because we've all been hitting on her.

Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute? Alone.

Shiva and Ganesh?

Should I call Science and tell them to hold the cover?

Should I say something? I feel I should say something.

Should we have invited her for lunch?

Shoulders stay still and we sway.

Show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice and a overflow reservoir?

Show me your citrus peels.

Show me your citrus peels.

Shower, shirt, shoes and let's shove off.

Shut up, Howard.

Shut up. Yeah, you do.

Significant improvement over the old neighbor.

Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine.

Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in Physics have disappeared Thank you.

Since the time machine doesn't move in space...

Skynet is kinky? I don't know.

Sleep tight.

Slow down. Slow down. Please, slow down.

Smart is the new sexy.

Smear me.

Smooth.

So "Halo" night, huh?

So all he does is sit in his bubble and play "Halo" 24/7.

So anyhow, when would you like to meet?

So anyway, hello.

So anyway, we're 8 years old...

So Coke.

So do you have some sort of a job?

So do you know who's in there?

So everybody grab a plate and a pretty placemat that Shelly wove.

So fish.

So for 100 points and the match...

So he calls a physicist to help.

So he goes back into rehab?

So how about it?

So how did it go with Leslie?

So how do you feel?

So how do you two know each other?

So how long have you been in America?

So how was paintball? Did you have fun?

So how's it going with Sheldon? Are you guys still not talking?

So how's it going?

So how's Koothrappali ?

So I guess we'll be leaving now.

So I'm calling you and call me back.

So I'm glad I ran into you.

So I've decided I'm going to collaborate with you.

So I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me

So if there's an earthquake and the three of us are trapped here...

So if you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?

So in conclusion, the data show that at temperatures approaching absolute zero...

So is it serious? Do you like her?

So is that your team?

So it works as two.

So it's a shelf.

So it's based on your life.

So it's settled. You'll stay with us.

So listen, the Nuart is showing the revised, definitive cut of Blade Runner.

So may I introduce the third floor janitor, the lady from the lunch room and

So nothing. Let's destroy him.

So Penny is a little messy.

So road trip to Long Beach.

So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena...

So sit next to me.

So smart, it's off putting.

So the entire scientific community is just supposed to just take your word?

So there is the possibility, however remote...

So this is Engineering, huh?

So to clarify here, by dinner, I mean supper.

So we have a socially awkward genius in a room of attractive age appropriate women.

So we'll start now.

So what? I don't issue invitations to your mother.

So what? I'm unevolved?

So whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me...

So why the hell would you wanna be a hobbit?

So why was he at your party?

So you got a little competition. I really don't see what the big deal is.

So you got canned, huh?

So you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the university?

So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?

So you never know.

So you see it too?

So you're coming home from work. That's great. How was work?

So you're not gonna see her again?

So you're open to a sexual relationship?

So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there?

So you're saying, if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you...

So you're, like, one of those Beautiful Mind genius guys.

So you've really never had a birthday party?

So, Christy, what are your plans?

So, hey.

So, hi, hey. Uh....

So, Leonard, how about it?

So, Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas?

So, Missy...

So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like.

So, what are we making today?

So, what are you supposed to be?

So, what are you wearing?

So, what do you guys do for fun around here?

So, what do you say? Wanna repair to Casa Wolowitz?

So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?

So, what exactly is it you do?

So, what happens now?

So, what time does the costume parade start?

So, what'd you get the birthday boy?

So, what's new in the world of physics?

So, you know, isn't there some way you and Sheldon could compromise...

So?

So?

So...

Solve the equation.

Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop...

Some of us might have the correct answers too.

Some things are more important than toys.

Somebody give me a computer with a Webcam.

Somebody got the whole thing on their cell phone and put it on YouTube.

Someone in Sichuan Province, China...

Someone touched my board.

Something he wouldn't buy for himself, something fun, something like Ah!

Something you'd like to share?

Sometimes he finds that filling, other times he doesn't.

Sometimes you just look, and bam, Howard Wolowitz.

Somewhere between tool using and cave painting...

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch. Med pack! I need a med pack!

Sorry about your car, by the way.

Sorry I'm late, but I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.

Sorry I'm late, but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus.

Sorry I'm late. I'm working on a project...

Sorry, go.

Sorry, I panicked.

Sorry, Papa.

Sorry, Raj, my mind is made up.

Sorry, somebody's sitting there.

Sorry, you diverted me.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sounds like a breakthrough.

Sounds like your neighbor's home.

Sounds yummy

Stand by. Ma, can my friends come over?

Starch absorbs fluid...

Stare at them and make them feel uncomfortable.

Stay frosty.

Stay in formation.

Stay low.

Stealing snail mail, very old school. I like it.

Stick electrodes in a rat's brain, give him an orgasm button.

Still can't talk to me unless you're drunk, huh?

Still good?

Still not talking to me, huh?

Still, I think it's time for me to get rid of this stuff...

Stop asking me all these questions. I need to take another shower.

Stop it.

Stop it. Quit it. Quit it.

Stop it. Stop it.

Stuff that in your Speedos, Jacuzzi Bob.

Subconsciously, she's thinking, "We're in sync. We belong together."

Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle.

Subtextually, of course.

Suicide, for example.

Superman is vulnerable to magic.

Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel.

Superman's flight is a feat of strength.

Sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.

Sure, if he wants to spend years doing her homework...

Sure, if you consider being fragged by your own troops fun.

Sure, you could ask me a favor. I would do you a favor for you.

Sure. Raj, hug Howard.

Sure. Why not?

Surprise.

Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you.

Swell, well, how do I play genetic predisposition?

Switched over to high energy radiation research, had a mishap.

Ta da.

Take a break, guys.

Take a break, guys.

Take it, Raj. It's more than I've ever gotten.

Take that.

Take that.

Take your stinking paws off my popcorn...

Talk about your chick magnets.

Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures...

Technically, that would be coitus interruptus.

Telepathically?

Tell him about our lQ.

Tell me the truth.

Tell me whether or not to go through with the date.

Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds...

Tell my friend you need to keep me under observation for an hour.

Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend.

Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna bring you the four dumplings.

Ten and a half hours of apey blurriness.

Ten seconds.

Terrific.

Terrific. Anyone wanna buy my share of the time machine?

Terrific. Um....

Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the 19th century.

Thank you

Thank you again.

Thank you for listening. You're a doll.

Thank you for the clarification.

Thank you so much for your stupid advice.

Thank you, I apprec

Thank you, Sheldon.

Thank you, Sheldon. you're a good friend.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'll see you at work.

Thank you. So do you.

Thankfully, he blessed me with two other children...

Thanks for a great night.

Thanks for bringing me home.

Thanks for the heads up.

Thanks for your consideration. Now please leave.

Thanks, Mom.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. I can go $2600 and two trees in lsrael.

That could not feel good.

That depends.

That doesn't sound too bad.

That failure clearly stands on its own.

That guy Mike that you were dating, is that still going on?

That is a lovely story.

That is a problem.

That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat.

That sounds more like:

That stupid, self centered bastard wrote about our sex life in his blog.

That trophy is meaningless. I forfeited, therefore you did not win.

That was a valid hypo ? What is happening to you?

That was absolutely humiliating.

That was before I saw you handling that beautiful piece of wood between your legs.

That was fun.

That wasn't sarcasm?

That way, everybody wins.

That woman in there is not going to have sex with you.

That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Panchali in the book.

That would be you.

That would have hurt her feelings.

That.

That' s my friend Carol.

That's a biological impossibility, and you didn't have to come.

That's a delightful little story.

That's a negatory.

That's absurd.

That's as far as I've gotten.

That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.

That's exactly what I thought.

That's great, but

That's how we roll in the Shire.

That's it. Now just keep true.

That's just the beginning.

That's kind of fun to say.

That's my life, my friends. Good to see you. Say bye.

That's my original series Battlestar Galactica flight suit.

That's not the secret knock.

That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop...

That's not true. Koothrappali and Wolowitz come over.

That's not true. Remember at Thanksgiving...

That's okay, keep it.

That's okay. I understand.

That's Penny's ex boyfriend.

That's probably enough about us. So tell us about you.

That's racism.

That's really two different questions. I'm not

That's ridiculous!

That's right, you saw what you saw.

That's right. Go back to Babylon, you whore.

That's rum and Coke without the rum.

That's so cute.

That's so sweet. But no, thanks.

That's something your rabbi would have to discuss with the manufacturer.

That's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you is to cut it the hell out.

That's the beauty of it.

That's the Bottle City of Kandor.

That's the kind of spirit with which Princess Panchali led the monkeys to freedom.

That's the spirit.

That's the story of Penny

That's too bad because the answer your teammate gave was correct.

That's too bad. You guys would make a cute couple.

That's true.

That's very true.

That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.

That's what you did.

That's where I sit.

That's where you come in.

That's why they call it cloaking, dead man.

That's your opinion.

The answer is minus eight pi alpha.

The approximate temperature of the young lady in the front row.

The bastard teleported.

The blogosphere is abuzzing with news of you and Leslie...

The Brady Bunch?

The Brady Bunch.

The dietitian at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye?

The difference between us and the rat...

The door to the stairwell of the other building was locked.

The eighth grade?

The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense.

The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor...

The exact words aren't really

The girl picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.

The hallmark of the great human experiment...

The Hindu gods against the entire Union Army?

The honorable way.

The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers...

The ******* people.

The kid got a girl.

The last girl my mom set me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail.

The last party, Professor Finkleday cornered me...

The laundry is out of the hamper.

The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable?

The Lord spoke to him and moved him to give us all 20 percent off on LASEK.

The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy.

The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas...

The murderer was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not.

The name always confused me, anyway. Souplantation.

The newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food...

The next thing I know, she's invited herself to stay with me.

The objective is to give correct answers.

The one thing that can completely derail a world class mind.

The online description was completely misleading.

The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case.

The only thing we need to do is make this Kim kid lose his focus.

The oracle told us little Neo was the one.

The Original Series.

The original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated...

The papers could've been mailed. Mom sent you here to spy on me, didn't she?

The parade?

The Philippines.

The physicist then does some calculations and he says:

The Physics Department string quartet needs a new cellist.

The picture's breaking up.

The point is, one of the ways we show we care about people...

The point is...

The point of a secret knock is to establish a nonverbal signal...

The poor guy on the bike.

The possibility exists Leonard could have a birthday party...

The resemblance is remarkable.

The School of Pharmacology is looking for volunteers.

The score now stands, AA, 1150, PMS, 1175.

The sign's been changed.

The string theory research being done is a dead end.

The Subic Bay Naval Station.

The subterranean Morlocks...

The success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.

The thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll enjoy this...

The three of you will wear support red and I will wear command gold.

The throat doctor.

The Velcro on my wrist brace caught on my shirt.

The way I could get him to leave was tell him I ate a peanut.

The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea.

The whole city is in jeopardy.

The whole family's going out for an intervention.

The woman's not interested in me. The woman rejected me.

The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.

The X Tens are online.

Theater and Physics.

Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.

Then call your own mother.

Then don't.

Then guess.

Then he and I are on equal ground.

Then I have a simple solution.

Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.

Then I'll settle for an aneurism.

Then it's gotta be Patrick Stewart.

Then it's no longer a dumpling.

Then it's not dancing night.

Then our problem would be solved.

Then surprise me.

Then swim to Cuba.

Then there was something about you, and then she hugged me.

Then what happens?

Then why did I have to crawl?

Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart.

Then why were you drunk?

Then you are in for a treat.

Then your demeanor seems very low energy.

Then your meal choice is appropriate.

Theoretical physicists do not get canned.

There are a number of options and....

There are myriad weapons, vehicles and strategies to master...

There are no incorrect equations on my board.

There is a generally accepted pattern in this area.

There is a party, isn't there?

There is an inherent ambiguity in the word "dinner."

There must be some causal link I'm missing.

There will be boys and there will be girls...

There you go.

There, there.

There, there.

There's a can in the fridge.

There's a certain ethic to the game, Penny, a well established

There's a feline geneticist in San Diego...

There's a horde of armed goblins on that gate guarding the Sword of Azeroth.

There's a sniper. Use your rocket launcher.

There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.

There's no guarantee our sperm's going to generate high lQ offspring.

There's no Leo. How can you say that?

There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a T shirt.

There's no reason to feel uncomfortable because we've seen each other's faces...

There's no symposium.

There's not going to be a confrontation.

There's not? Gee, because it sure sounds like there should be.

There's nothing going on between Penny and me

There's one beloved children's book I'll never read again.

There's some dispute between Penny and her ex boyfriend...

There's some poor woman who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.

There's the man of the hour.

There's this farmer, and he has these chickens...

There's this kid in Copenhagen, he has no immune system.

There's two of us and one of him.

These instructions are a pictographic representation...

They are no more alike than any other siblings.

They call me a genius because I'm a genius.

They don't put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon...

They don't. That's why I saved this one.

They got me a motorized dirt bike.

They have a great house ale.

They have their own language, if you will.

They just adopted the cutest little Punjabi baby.

They mentioned there may be side effects.

They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.

They said eight slots plus removable lD.

They said I was mad, but it worked.

They say it completely changes the tone of the film.

They want us to present our paper on the properties of supersolids...

They were not friends. They were imaginary colleagues.

They...

They'll come, they'll settle And I'll win the prize

They're hitting on your sister. Ugh. It's....

They're lighter, cheaper and have twice the tensile strength.

They're not supposed to, but they should.

They're really cheap.

They're training dogs to operate the centrifuge...

Think about that.

This car weighs, let's say, 4000 pounds.

This drink is an example of how liquids with different specific gravities...

This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.

This has nothing to do with my sperm count.

This has nothing to do with religion.

This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny man...

This is a classic piece of sci fi movie memorabilia.

This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve.

This is a man who loves me...

This is a natural human process and we're talking about significant savings.

This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that.

This is a particularly disturbing one.

This is a single decker, whereas the Big Boy is a double decker.

This is a sub sonic impact sensor.

This is amazing, just sitting on a couch watching TV with a woman.

This is chaos.

This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

This is gonna be bad.

This is great.

This is it.

This is just gonna be two weeks of moping and tedious emo songs...

This is my door. Please close it behind you, goodbye.

This is my first day off in decades and I'm going to savor it.

This is not a se****. This is a poncho.

This is not anyone's home. This is a swirling vortex of entropy.

This is obviously about Penny.

This is one of my favorite places to kick back after a quest.

This is our year. With those guys out...

This is really impressive.

This is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous.

This is the secret knock:

This is very awkward.

This is, but you are not.

This isn't a good time.

This isn't breakfast, it's an experiment.

This just arrived. Brought this up. Just now.

This looks like some serious stuff. Leonard, did you do this?

This one birthday, I came home from my cello lesson...

This one has eight seconds of previously unseen footage.

This one time, she was at....

This party is just going to suck.

This party is my first chance for Penny...

This plasma grenade.

This right here is why Sweden has no space program.

This situation is much less complicated.

This warm glow inside of me that promises everything's going to be all hunky dunky?

This was just you and me hanging out with guys who didn't show up...

This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath.

This?

Those are not mine.

Those Topical Conference on Bose Einstein Condensates parties are legendary.

Three hundred. And I'll throw in my original 1979 Mattel Millennium Falcon...

Thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.

Thy will be done.

Tickets to that, please.

Tilt up the camera. I'm looking at his crotch.

Time travel joke. It's not Never mind.

Tired?

To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards.

To be honest, I don't think it's going to work out.

To carve the Okay, I'll see you at 6:30.

To help you.

To mend her broken heart.

To my room and no one's allowed in.

To save you from further awkwardness...

To spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug addled first cousin.

To what end?

To what end?

Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to....

Today's preliminary match features two great teams:

Told you not to ask.

Told you the sensor would work.

Told you.

Tomorrow we can go to one of those warehouse stores.

Tonight is "Halo" night. It's like talking to a wall.

Tonight, I spice my meat with goblin blood.

Trust me, I know.

Truthfully, I've never given it any thought...

Try telling him it's a non optional social convention.

Tuesday night we played Klingon Boggle until 1 in the morning.

Turkey and roast beef with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.

Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado.

Turn us. Turn us.

Turn your head back.

Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work...

TV, film, D&D, manga. Greek, Roman, Norse gods

Twelfth century code of chivalry? Not exactly current.

Twenty six across is MCM.

Two hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is.

Two millime ? That doesn't seem right.

Two seats right there.

Two singles. Like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that....

Ugh. Don't get me started on rebound sex.

Ugh. I cannot believe Christy let Howard into my apartment.

Uh huh, it goes with my corduroy suit.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. Fill this out and have a seat.

Uh oh, here comes the talk.

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh oh.

Uh oh. Turn your pelvis.

Uh uh. I know the type. Cheerleader, student council, goes out with jocks.

Uh, 6:30 is great.

Uh, 6:30 is great.

Uh, the couch is good.

Uh, what about your, uh, hallway friend?

Uh, yeah, I'd be happy to, Penny.

Uh, you mean, dinner tonight?

Uh....

Um, here's a question. Why?

Um, here's something we didn't anticipate.

Um, home to write some bad checks.

Um, is this the high lQ sperm bank?

Um, no, hi, Leonard. This is Doug.

Um, yeah, Halloween.

Um, yes, I am asking you out.

Um....

Um....

Um....

Um....

Un unravelable.

Unbelievable.

Under the sink. Yellow Tupperware bowl.

Understandable, but there's a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab.

Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin...

Unless Sheldon's there.

Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.

Unless, of course, the Holy Spirit moves you.

Until I fell in love with a jerk.

Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm and it served society quite well.

Us lndian or "come to our casino" lndian?

Use new eggs.

Usually nobody wants to be alone with me.

Van Halen.

VapoRub makes my hands smell funny.

Virgin diet Cuba Libre, please.

Vroom.

Vroom.

Vroom.

Wait a minute, Farmanfarmian is speaking and you're bogarting the symposium?

Wait a minute, Leonard made you aware of that?

Wait, are we really going to Long Beach?

Wait, are you asking me out?

Wait, Sheldon, come back. You forgot something.

Wait, wait, wait. Somebody just clicked "Buy It Now."

Wait, wait. You had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait, where are you going?

Wait, you're going up against Sheldon Cooper?

Wait. Where are you going?

Waitresses don't yell at you at Big Boy.

Wanna log on to Second Life and go swimming?

Wanna sit down?

Warriors, unsheathe your weapons. Magic wielders, raise your wands.

Was it perhaps destiny? I think it was destiny.

Was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?

Was that just an anecdote?

Was this supposed to be a date?

Wasn't a big turnout, but they both seemed to like it.

Watch this, it's really cool. Ahem.

Way ahead of you.

We agree to look the other way if you use 20 percent...

We all change. Agreed?

We all have other costumes. We can change.

We all know the reason.

We all make mistakes. Let's move on.

We all make mistakes. Let's move on.

We all paid for it, so it belongs to all of us.

We already watched the season two DVDs.

We are the intellectual descendents of Archimedes.

We are, for all purposes, 100 percent hooked up.

We ate, she lectured me on the link between gum disease and heart attacks...

We both have people in our lives who wanna nip intestinal polyps in the bud.

We brought food.

We can 't get to the phone right now because we're having sex.

We can't ask Leslie Winkle.

We can't have Thai, we had lndian for lunch.

We can't order Chinese food without Wolowitz?

We can't send him back to North Korea.

We cannot leave this to chance. Let's pick a girl...

We could be the Bengal Tigers.

We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.

We could split it two, two and two.

We did the work together, let's present the paper together.

We do share DNA.

We don't eat here. I don't know what's good.

We don't entertain much.

We don't have to go that far. There are other means.

We don't mean to interrupt. We live across the hall.

We don't need strength. We're physicists.

We drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set...

We flank the Tennessee volunteers...

We had a dog who made a noise like that.

We have chicken, tortilla and potato leek.

We have no idea what pathogen...

We have no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of.

We have to decide if those lost six minutes...

We have to get rid of the time machine.

We have to take in nourishment, expel waste...

We just had to mail some letters.

We just leave the house on Friday night and return in the wee hours...

We kiss. It's a little tentative at first

We liked Leonard.

We might as well stop, it's a stalemate.

We need a hot 1 5 year old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.

We need a social catalyst.

We need a truly kick ass team name. Suggestions?

We need to find a place to lay low for the next 18 to 24 hours.

We need to widen our circle.

We never invited Louie/Louise over.

We play teams, not one on one. One on one.

We really shouldn't be standing here.

We really suck at paintball.

We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.

We should pick up Benadryl at the drugstore and go home.

We took quite a detour from what I understand to be your thesis.

We want him here, boys.

We want to talk to you in private.

We welcome your input on our research goals.

We were supposed to start at 8. It's now 8:06.

We'd have the same cultural background...

We'll arrange for her to move in across the hall so he can pathetically moon over her.

We'll avoid Finkleday, meet the new head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go.

We'll be your eyes.

We'll have a nice meal and chat.

We'll just have to face Sheldon mano y mano y mano a mano.

We'll make it nice, put out a spread.

We'll see about that.

We'll see. Heads up, you people in the front row. This is a splash zone.

We'll see. Sleep tight.

We'll talk in the morning.

We'll throw Leonard a kickass surprise party for his birthday.

We're all friends here.

We're already through the looking glass anyway.

We're fine.

We're going to Long Beach?

We're going to need some ground rules. "No shoes in the time machine."

We're gonna have sex. Oh, God, oh, my God.

We're here to welcome Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family.

We're hoping to have him do graduate work here.

We're in the process of updating our equipment.

We're late for Leonard's birthday party...

We're locked out.

We're not done?

We're okay.

We're scientists.

We're throwing my friend a surprise party...

We're traveling forward at Good Lord. 51 miles an hour.

We've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.

Welcome, Dennis Kim.

Well, 30, 35

Well, a little bird told me that you and Leslie hooked up last night.

Well, all right, but I don't see this as a promising endeavor.

Well, and that was wrong of us.

Well, as I predicted, I am sick.

Well, as usual, Wolowitz has the solution.

Well, ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.

Well, at this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team...

Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised.

Well, bye.

Well, chafing, right?

Well, choose.

Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams.

Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent...

Well, first, we don't have house guests.

Well, for Penny, it's dancing night.

Well, happy birthday anyways.

Well, he didn't actually say anything.

Well, here's the thing.

Well, hi, cutie pie. I was hoping you'd show up.

Well, how can you be late? I wasn't expecting you at all.

Well, how did you know about it?

Well, how do you feel?

Well, Howard said he'd take me shopping in Beverly Hills.

Well, I didn't make it worse.

Well, I don't know about your sex drive, but I'm probably good till New Year's.

Well, I lost a year while my family was tunneling out of North Korea.

Well, I love birthdays. Waking up to Mom's special French toast breakfast...

Well, I ran into him last week...

Well, I suppose so.

Well, I think you're delightfully droll. Or as the French say:

Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him

Well, I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend.

Well, I'm not trying to have sex with her.

Well, I've been trying.

Well, if I had a gun there, would you have shot yourself?

Well, if we accept your premise and also accept the highly improbable assumption...

Well, imagine how I'm feeling.

Well, in that case, fill this out and have a seat.

Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group...

Well, it sounds wonderful.

Well, it was a number of things. First, the late hour.

Well, it was kind of like a birthday party.

Well, it's a fun sweater. It's got a bold geometric print.

Well, it's been fun.

Well, it's gotta be one or the other. Which is it?

Well, it's not difficult.

Well, let's see.

Well, maybe that's what I was going for.

Well, maybe we are like Haroon and Tanvir.

Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.

Well, my mother used to make me this split pea...

Well, obviously, you don't see it yet, but trust me, you will.

Well, of course you don't get it. I haven't made it yet.

Well, of course, l Oh.

Well, once, when I was 15 and spending the summer...

Well, our earthquake supplies.

Well, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent...

Well, Raj can't talk to me unless he's drunk.

Well, she could have said goodbye.

Well, she might be interested to know that I've refocused my research...

Well, she was upset at first...

Well, Sheldon, you're his friend. Friends give each other presents.

Well, since you're leaving, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me.

Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today.

Well, thanks.

Well, that looks awful fancy. What is that?

Well, that may be the proximal cause of our journey...

Well, that narrows it down.

Well, that part's true.

Well, that was a little non responsive.

Well, that was fun.

Well, that's interesting.

Well, that's Leo.

Well, that's not much of an apology, but I'll take it.

Well, the only problem was, he had no, what you call, fissionable materials.

Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.

Well, then you'll want some manganese.

Well, then, buckle up.

Well, there's always the possibility...

Well, there's Leonard.

Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin...

Well, there's this girl I know from back in Nebraska, Christy.

Well, they don't.

Well, this is an interesting development.

Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster.

Well, to be fair, he's also a rather unpleasant winner.

Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

Well, um, good night.

Well, um, Howard and Christy are kind of hooking up in my bedroom.

Well, up until now, I've had better things to do.

Well, we don't have a dolly...

Well, we tried.

Well, we're not in lndia.

Well, what did she mean by that?

Well, what do you think?

Well, what do you wanna do?

Well, whatever. Why don't you go hop off on a quest? I'm talking to Penny here.

Well, who sells a full sized time machine for $800?

Well, who wouldn't? Heh.

Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1 930s...

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah.

Well, you are.

Well, you got me out of my pants.

Well, you're a friend and you like Batman and cookies...

Well, your ex boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is fairly self explanatory.

Well?

Well....

Well....

Were the Romans polite when they salted Carthage...

Were you playing with him?

What ?

What 1 2 year old boy wants a motorized dirt bike?

What a bunch of crybabies.

What a lousy way to spend a birthday. Well, it's all over now.

What a wonderful occasion this is.

What about damsel in distress?

What about if you went out with me?

What about me?

What about the won tons?

What about you what?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do, just give up?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? It's fine, she bought it, it's over.

What can I say? I'm a passionate and impulsive woman.

What choice did he have...

What computer do you have, and please don't say a white one.

What did he say?

What did I just ?

What did Penny mean, "you'd make a cute couple"?

What did she mean, she's happy for me?

What did she say? Is she still mad at me?

What difference does it make?

What do manners have to do with it? This is war.

What do you recommend for someone with a man sized appetite...

What do you see? What do you see? I can't

What do you suppose he's doing here?

What do you suppose she meant by that?

What do you want, Mom?

What do you want?

What does that mean?

What else would I drink? Gases? Solids? Ionized plasma?

What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.

What exactly did this guy write?

What exactly do you mean by embarrass you?

What fresh hell is this?

What happened to Elliott Wong?

What happened with you and Lalita?

What happened?

What happened?

What happens if I blow it?

What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon?

What if I knocked you unconscious right now?

What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use...

What if something were to happen to him so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?

What if they don't come?

What if they're women?

What if we replaced panels A, B and F and crossbar H with aircraft grade aluminum?

What is happening to us? We're falling apart.

What is happening?

What is that, like a Mexican deli?

What is that? Vanilla?

What is there to explain? It's all right here.

What is this?

What is wrong with you?

What just happened?

What just happened?

What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?

What now?

What rat have you recruited to the S.S. Sinking Ship?

What sort of experiment would you propose?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell do you mean, "dead end"?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is your problem?

What the hell was that?

What the hell's going on?

What time is it?

What was I saying?

What was your first clue?

What would we talk about?

What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.

What, are all the girls in the bathroom?

What, are you kidding? you're a semipro.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? It's just a question. He's so sensitive.

What? You're a zebra, right?

What's funny?

What's going on?

What's he gonna do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?

What's he talking about?

What's his problem?

What's new at the Cheesecake Factory?

What's the difference?

What's the plan? Let's say he meets her, he likes her, they get married.

What's this?

What's this?

What's with the fish?

What's wrong?

What's your point?

Whatever you recommend.

When a cow goes dry, they don't keep feeding it...

When he has a symposium to go to.

When I finally managed to convince her I was sick...

When I finally managed to convince her I was sick...

When I got to the door, I hear whispering...

When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?

When I learn that I'm a robot...

When I take a girl on a date, and I do, heh...

When I was 14 years old...

When I was 15, I met Denise Palmeri...

When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time...

When I was little, I'd think my parents would change their mind and surprise me.

When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me...

When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spearfish.

When I'm walking over to the table...

When it comes to sexual harassment law...

When people are upset...

When the Mars rover started pulling to the left...

When the smoke clears, Lincoln will be speaking Hindi...

When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place.

When they perfect human cloning, I'm gonna order 12 of those.

When they see me coming, they go, "Ah, no peanut boy."

When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again.

Where did my life go, Penny?

Where do I begin?

Where do you get this stuff?

Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.

Where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you shoot.

Where's Howard?

Which is met with an approving chorus of "Dude."

Which one, the classic, the ranch house...

Which, if I were there, it would be.

While arranged marriages are no longer the norm...

While speech is centered in the recently developed neocortex.

While you were sleeping, I was weaving an un unravelable web.

Who am I kidding? I can't go through with this.

Who are you to decide that?

Who are you?

Who blew their nose and when?

Who cares? As long as you pick me.

Who cares? Last night, she pulled off her blouse and I wept.

Who could forget being that fat?

Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?

Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit brokenhearted"?

Who is it? We can 't see.

Who needs "Halo" when we can be regaled...

Who will come?

Whom most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee.

Whoo! I'm all sweaty.

Why are all these young women here?

Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?

Why are you learning Chinese?

Why are you smashing a flash frozen banana?

Why are you telling me about my own culture?

Why can't all guys be like you?

Why did you do that?

Why didn't you just ?

Why didn't you just have soup at home?

Why do they say "AA"?

Why do you ask?

Why do you ask?

Why do you people hate sleep?

Why do you suppose a man would be ashamed of having a loofah?

Why does everyone suddenly wanna talk to me alone?

Why don't we do it your way, then?

Why don't we share it? We'll each put in 200 bucks...

Why don't we stipulate the date goes well...

Why don't you bring her to my restaurant so I can keep an eye on you?

Why don't you have breakfast in bed?

Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?

Why don't you just tell people you're a zebra?

Why don't you just tell people you're one of the seven dwarves?

Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

Why don't you meet this girl, see what happens?

Why don't you pick at random, if you don't like it, sit somewhere else next time?

Why don't you put some clothes on, I'll get my purse, and dinner is on me, okay?

Why don't you stop butting in?

Why don't you text him that and see if he backs down?

Why me? Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?

Why not put a little mocha in the family latte?

Why not?

Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?

Why should we leave?

Why waste food?

Why would a Physics Bowl team be called Anodized Aluminum?

Why would I join you?

Why would I make that up? There's no Ding Dong in it.

Why would I see her again?

Why would she be expecting me?

Why would they be looking for test subjects here?

Why would you tell her I lied?

Why wouldn't the Sonora Desert make a perfectly good Promised Land?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? Because you slept together...

Why? Did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?

Why? Is Leonard okay?

Why'd you set it for the day before yesterday?

Will the gentleman from the great state of denial yield for a question?

Will you please rub this on my chest?

Winning Physics Bowl.

Wireless mini cam and Bluetooth headset.

With certain obvious exceptions.

With lime Jell O?

With Wolowitz spending all of his time with your friend Christy

With your father gone, it is your responsibility...

Wolowitz is with his girlfriend.

Won't look at anybody in the gifted program.

Won't my footsteps set it off?

Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon?

Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle?

Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary?

Would you be open to rotating the couch clockwise 30 degrees?

Would you call that moss green or forest green?

Would you just let us in?

Would you just sit down?

Would you like to tell us about your upcoming research?

Wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

Wow, centrifugal force.

Wow, cool tiger.

Wow, that's brilliant.

Wow, this is hard.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. So in your world, you're like the cool guys.

Wow. You won the Stevenson Award?

Yay, me.

Yay.

Yeah, 1234 is not a secure password.

Yeah, and so is Sheldon.

Yeah, and the bag it came in.

Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage.

Yeah, Department of Energy said our regular space is kind of a hot zone.

Yeah, for a noble purpose.

Yeah, good for you.

Yeah, he didn't tell it right.

Yeah, he tried to explain it to me. I didn't really understand it

Yeah, I apologize for my earlier outburst.

Yeah, I got it.

Yeah, I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard a kickass birthday party.

Yeah, I mean, when you start a party at 7, no one shows up at, you know, 7.

Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium.

Yeah, I probably won't.

Yeah, I'll just tell her you said, "Hey."

Yeah, I'm a freaking genius.

Yeah, I'm good to go.

Yeah, I've had him since Level 10.

Yeah, Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question:

Yeah, let's go with that.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard...

Yeah, no, how could he do that?

Yeah, no, I know that part.

Yeah, no, I meant plans to find someplace to live other than with me.

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

Yeah, no. I just I got your mail again, here.

Yeah, okay, it's a shelf.

Yeah, okay, neat. But I really gotta get to work.

Yeah, really? Well, my friends at work found it, my sister found it.

Yeah, right. your grandmother back in town?

Yeah, see? That's what kids should have

Yeah, so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume.

Yeah, that must get old quick.

Yeah, that was three weeks ago.

Yeah, that.

Yeah, that's right. I've lost an entire day's pay thanks to this.

Yeah, that's the problem. It's too big.

Yeah, that's why I did it.

Yeah, those would be men who just had sex.

Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it. Heh.

Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics...

Yeah, well, my people invented circumcision.

Yeah, you turned your stereo down with your laptop.

Yeah! Natural selection at work.

Yeah?

Yeah? How about I make a point out of your pointy little head?

Yeah? Okay.

Yeah? So?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I noticed it when I got up to get water, so I fixed it.

Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.

Yeah. It's like regular Boggle, but in Klingon.

Yeah. No, we're not like Haroon and Tanvir.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.

Yeah. You don't have to stay for the whole thing.

Year after year, I had to endure wearing conical hats...

Yep, I had to go through the entire second grade...

Yep. Come for the breasts, stay for the brains.

Yes you should. Go ahead, say it.

Yes, and you've never met one of them.

Yes, assuming the hypothetical planet has a mass greater than the Earth.

Yes, but anyone who knows anything about bacterial growth...

Yes, but are the costumes random or genre specific?

Yes, but he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to hear her sing again.

Yes, but I assumed I would've been dead hundreds of years.

Yes, but I get carsick too, so....

Yes, but I was 11.

Yes, but not of the same species.

Yes, but only to clean.

Yes, but our society has undergone a paradigm shift.

Yes, but the elevator's been broken for two years.

Yes, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a power ring.

Yes, but they have DVD burners over here.

Yes, but you didn't portray her as completely irrational.

Yes, but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's bar mitzvah party.

Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.

Yes, I know, men can't fly.

Yes, I know.

Yes, I suppose he is.

Yes, I was there.

Yes, I will go out with you.

Yes, it is good to talk to you too.

Yes, it is. That's why I broke up with him.

Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion...

Yes, it's what a rational person does when his entire life's work is invalidated...

Yes, Mommy.

Yes, we discussed it at length last night.

Yes, well, apparently, neither does anyone else.

Yes, well, he lied.

Yes, well, I'm not a child.

Yes, well, I'm polymerized tree sap, and you're an inorganic adhesive.

Yes, well, I'm the Doppler effect.

Yes, what?

Yes, yes, it is.

Yes, you are.

Yes, you're right.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Ahem.

Yes. He thought he saw a Romulan.

Yes. If you use my toothbrush, I'll jump out that window.

Yes. In fact, I am the youngest person ever to win it.

Yes. Well, now she's a dental student at USC...

Yet another child left behind.

You actually risked your life because you care about me.

You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologize.

You are my lady. Our parents said so.

You are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when....

You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Panchali.

You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren 't you?

You begged me to come, I came. There's just no pleasing you.

You betrayed us for money? Who are you?

You call Koothrappali.

You called my mother?

You calling me a puffy animal?

You came into my apartment while I was sleeping?

You can count on us. We're on it.

You can guess which one my bourgeois parents pushed me towards.

You can have soup delivered.

You can hire Snow White to come to your house.

You can keep that too.

You can see the matrix, can't you?

You can stare at your board all day, she's still going to be right.

You can't break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean.

You can't compete with me on an intellectual level...

You can't do that. If you make a mark in a mint comic book, it's no longer mint.

You can't do that. Look what you've created.

You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life.

You can't go out, it's "Halo" night.

You can't grow soup.

You can't keep it. What if I meet a girl and say:

You can't let this kid get to you.

You can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.

You can't. I'm the lead author.

You can't. If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past...

You cannot be that arrogant.

You cannot blow up my head with your mind.

You carry on. Give my best to Leslie.

You clear a space on your calendar. There will be an inquiry.

You continue to underestimate me, my good man.

You could have offered me a ride home.

You could have stopped at, "lt could go well."

You could power down.

You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.

You did call him a glorified science teacher...

You did not ask her out.

You did not break up with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea.

You did this?

You didn't read the bio, did you?

You didn't.

You do understand that our efforts here...

You don't have an Open Science Grid computer or a free electron laser.

You don't hunt, do you?

You don't say, "Go straight" when you're giving bearings. You say, "Keep true."

You don't wanna go to the emergency room?

You donate eggs. We will place them in cryogenic storage.

You either help me throw Leonard a birthday party...

You forbid it?

You go ahead and talk while I figure it out.

You guys are really sweet.

You guys talk. I'll take my scooter out for a little spin.

You had a lucky hunch.

You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment...

You have a backup hypothesis?

You have a problem with this.

You have a sarcasm sign?

You have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny...

You have lost so much weight.

You have to be psychic, there's no such thing

You have to understand something. We're in a hospital right now.

You have to. We all have to be there to yell "surprise."

You hid behind a tree yelling:

You hid behind a tree yelling:

You hit me. You saw that. He hit me.

You just you're so terrific.

You just called Leonard a syphilitic donkey.

You just listen to what she says...

You knew that someday, someone would come along who's younger and smarter.

You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long...

You know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tighty whities.

You know what he did? He watched me work...

You know what, I got better offers. I'm out of here.

You know what?

You know what? I'm gonna go back and try talking to her again.

You know what? I'm not going to let my parents control my future.

You know what's interesting about caves?

You know who is apparently very smart is the girl who played TV's Blossom.

You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy?

You know, and then he just goes and has to humiliate me...

You know, because the second person, though happy...

You know, biology.

You know, I always say, "When one door closes, another one opens."

You know, I'm not going to enjoy this party.

You know, I'm sure if you just apologize to Gablehauser he'd give your job back.

You know, I've been thinking about time travel again.

You know, in the future, when we're disembodied brains in jars...

You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory...

You know, it's like the baseball movie. "Build it and they will come."

You know, just moving a time machine.

You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest...

You know, last time, I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.

You know, like in the classic sci fi movie Scanners?

You know, macho with the perfect body, and the hair and the money.

You know, that other guy.

You know, there's a pause. We both know what's happening.

You know, they have DVDs over there.

You know, those that needed it.

You know, we have an lndian gentleman at our church.

You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup.

You know, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them.

You know, you two make a cute couple.

You know, you use a lot of big words for such a little dwarf.

You know?

You know.

You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support.

You left with his date.

You look very nice.

You managed to screw up the screw up.

You may be familiar with some of my work.

You may now thank me.

You may wanna put on slacks.

You mean my cello.

You might be bound by them right now.

You might want to speak in a lower register.

You need to give them a chance to Now, come on.

You people in the front row, heads up. This is a splash zone.

You rat bastard.

You realize that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy?

You really think so, don't you?

You said "nauseous" when you meant "nauseated."

You saw that. He hit me.

You see, I don't spend much time here, and so I've never chosen a place to sit.

You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation...

You see, Kandor was the capital city of the planet Krypton.

You see, people hear the word "year" and they think duration.

You see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab...

You seemed confused.

You should clip your fingernails. Those hurt.

You should just talk to him. I'm sure you guys can work this out.

You sick, geeky bastards!

You sound funny.

You sound surprised.

You still told her I lied.

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?

You think I haven't considered it?

You think?

You told her I lied?

You used my loofa?

You wanna hear an interesting thing about stairs?

You wanna know the most pathetic part?

You wanna talk about it?

You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons?

You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition?

You want some cereal?

You want some more?

You won't believe this.

You, hold on, I'll be right with you.

You, you are the one who ruined everything.

You? No, you'll only make it worse.

You'd also have to be knighted for that to apply.

You'd better go before he starts spraying you with Lysol.

You'll be happy to know I plan to come every Tuesday for the foreseeable future.

You'll be trapped forever in his whiny, hyper neurotic snot web.

You'll have to excuse Dr. Cooper. He's been under a lot of, um....

You'll never guess what just happened.

You're 26 years old, Rajesh. We want grandchildren.

You're a lucky man, Leonard.

You're a physicist. You belong at the university doing research, not in your room.

You're annoying and no one wants to play with you anymore.

You're beating me in Tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler elf.

You're doing work in quantum loop corrections.

You're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and " Halo."

You're going to leave me?

You're gonna do okay.

You're gonna have to call her.

You're in trouble.

You're in your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs.

You're kidding, right?

You're kidding. Well, then, that's something we have in common.

You're lucky I didn't run you over.

You're making eggs for breakfast?

You're not done with her, are you?

You're not gonna put that on your message, are you?

You're not helping.

You're not leaving enough space between cars.

You're not swelling, Howard.

You're one lucky little leprechaun.

You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact.

You're right, it can wait until morning.

You're right, this side does look better.

You're right.

You're right. Alcohol, poor judgment. It could go well.

You're right. I

You're right. I'm sorry.

You're right. I'm the problem, the one that needs help.

You're right. If someone wants to get at Missy's fallopian tubes...

You're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive.

You're talking to one of the three men in the West...

You're very welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

You've convinced me, maybe we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.

You've seen the 25th Anniversary Final Cut.

Youngest till the cyborgs rise up.

Your anger is not with me, but with mathematics.

Your cousin Leopold.

Your father worked with Louis Leakey, a great anthropologist.

Your friend's really cute. Anything going on with you two?

Your friendship means a lot to me as well. What else?

Your head goes on the other end.

Your head goes on the other end.

Your inability to successfully woo Penny...

Your last one worked out well for Koothrappali. He got a free iPod.

Your old Tuesday hamburger will be so brokenhearted.

Your parents are comfortable with limited earning potential?

Your parents don't consider this meddling.

Your parents made the right decision.

Yours reaches places that mine just won't.

Yup. Tip your waitresses. I'm here all week.

1992.

...and coming home with us. Oh....

...and coming home with us. Oh....

...and obtain a cloaking device. Ooh. How far into the future?

...and take turns having it in our house. A time share time machine.

...and these. ls this stuff you want me to try on?

...and we need a fourth. No, thanks.

...because he's such a good man. Oh, another hug? Thank you.

...confidentiality of the bedroom. That's all very comforting...

...during the good night kiss? Heart rate, pheromones, etcetera, yes.

...fantasy.... Sure.

...Iettuce and Swiss on whole wheat. What did they give?

...it will not have gone through both slits. Agreed.

...it's an extremely private matter. I'd like to know the details.

...most people will trip. I don't care.

...so.... Really?

...that's going up on the next space shuttle. Really? How does it work?

...the Casimir effect. Correct.

...who's agreed to join us at the university. Of course he has.

...would not have agreed to go to rehab. Why not?

...you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena. Even if you make it to Boston...

"Mahalo" is a nice touch. Hmm.

A death ray? Well, that's what he called it.

A party? Yeah.

A year and a half. No kidding.

A year and a half. No kidding.

AA? And, of course, the answer is technetium.

Actually, Penny, he's Robin I'm Peter Pan.

Again? lt was tornado season.

All right, the winner of the match is Hang on.

All right, wait. They use it to lure Eh! Too late, I win.

All right, you guys. Good luck. Thanks, Penny.

All right. Go away.

All those in favor Point of order.

Almost there. No, we're not.

Am I interrupting? No.

And over here is Sheldon. Hi.

And we shouldn't have to back down. True.

And who gets the extra dumpling? We could cut it into thirds.

And? lt turns out my grandfather had died.

Anime? Of course.

Any chopsticks? Don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food.

Are the rest of the guys meeting us here? Oh, yeah.

Are there any questions? Yeah.

Are we ready on the stereo? Go for stereo.

Are you crying? No, I have allergies.

Are you even listening to me? Of course I'm listening.

Are you mad? How could I be mad?

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

Are you ready? Oh.

Are you still mad about the sperm bank? No.

Are you sure? Look, I grew up on a farm, okay?

Are you sure? Of course.

Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you? Yes, but I need a wingman.

As you know, I don't care for chitchat. Can you just let me in?

At 8. Oh, too bad.

Back off, Sheldon. What?

Because I knew you'd screw this up. I didn't screw it up.

Because of the additional Ethernet ports? Sure.

Boy, that's terrific, but I'll see you. No, hang on.

Break a leg. Yeah, break a leg.

Bring it on. Okay.

But I can't do it. I can't see anything. It's all right.

But wait, wait, what's on top of them? Wireless webcams. Wave hello.

But, Papa, I'm not supposed Lalita 's parents approved the match.

But, Papa, please Now, Rajesh.

But, Sheldon Please, please, please.

Bye bye. Bye bye.

Bye, guys. Bye, Missy.

Bye, Sheldon. Goodbye, Penny.

Bye. Bye bye.

Bye. Bye bye.

Bye. Bye.

Can I get you started with some drinks? No. Bzzz.

Can I help you? Yes.

Can I hide out here for a while? Sure. What's going on?

Can we please change the subject? Sure.

Checkmate. Aaarggh!

Come on in. Thank you.

Come on, come on! Get up. Stay down, bitch.

Come on, think. Leslie? It's not gonna work if you rush me.

Come on, we should go. Hang on.

Come on. He's completely schooling you.

Comic books? Fine.

Count me out. What? Why?

Dancing? Yeah.

Dear Lord, not milky green. Affirmative. With fever.

Define the parameters of the kiss. Closed mouth, but romantic.

Did I pluck a nerve there? Oh, yeah.

Did we say a time? Six thirty.

Did you get my mail? Yeah, right here.

Do you have a cousin Leopold? No, I made him up.

Do you have any idea what time it is? Of course I do.

Do you have other plans or ? No.

Do you like magic? Not really, no.

Don't start with me, dude. You wanna go again?

Done. Got it.

Doug, this is my neighbor, Leonard. What's up, bro?

Dr. Cooper. Of course, the answer is 130 attoseconds.

Dr. Cooper. Oh, are we interrupting? No, no, please come in.

Dr. Eric Gablehauser. Mary Cooper, Sheldon's mom.

Dr. Gablehauser. Dr. Cooper.

Drunk? And boring. Her words.

Enjoy the rest of your evening. Thanks, I'll see you.

Entire thing's one big heat sink. Perfect.

Eric Gablehauser. Howard Wolowitz.

Every other month or twice a month? Twice a month.

Everyone got sick over the weekend. Sick?

Excuse me. Fill this out and have a seat.

Excuse me. Hang on.

Fifteen seconds. Come on, snipers.

Fill these out. Thank you.

Fine. One more thing.

Fine. I'll have the barbeque burger. Make it two.

Fire away. It's none of my business...

FireWire or USB? lt depends on what bus you have available.

Five. Snipe.

Focus, Leonard. Oh, come on.

Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj. There is no more Sheldon.

Formal protest. Denied.

Formal protest. On what grounds?

Four dozen should suffice. Four dozen?

Four. Snipe.

Gee, why wouldn't l? This is even better...

Gentlemen, are you ready? Yes.

Gentlemen. Sheldon.

Get him out, Leonard. Come on, Dennis.

Give me the phone. I thought you wanted to cancel.

Give me the phone. Why?

Go ahead. The winner is PMS.

Go away! Okay, feel better, bye.

Go away. All right, Kurt, be nice.

God! Okay, look. No, Penny

Good for you. Ha! Yeah.

Good Lord. Oh.

Good night, guys. Good job. Thanks.

Good night, guys. Good job. Thanks.

Good night, Leonard. Good night.

Good night, Sheldon. Good night, Leonard.

Good point. How will you cool it? Guys, I got this.

Good. Yeah, it is.

Goodbye, Leonard. Yeah, no, bye, Penny.

Goodbye, Shelly. My God.

Graduate work, very impressive. And he's only 15 years old.

Great idea. Uh, no.

Great, be right back. Where are you going? Put them on.

Great. Great.

Great. Yup.

Ha. Got it. Well, sleep tight.

Ha. What? He's engaging in reductio ad absurdum.

Hang on, Penny. How about fans?

Have fun presenting my "lucky hunch." Sheldon, I didn't mean it like that.

Have you ever harmed a human being? Of course not.

He can't talk to women. He can't talk to attractive women.

He does. We are the Army Ants. All those in favor?

He doesn't. It's this Friday at 8, you guys wanna come?

He gets his temper from his daddy. Ah.

He hit me. You tried to blow up my head.

He really needs to dial it down. I know.

He's back. Yeah, mission accomplished.

He's got a point. All right.

He's got my eyes. I see.

Hello, Leslie. Hi, Leonard.

Hello, Penny, Leonard just left. I know, I wanna talk to you.

Hello. Morning, ma'am.

Here and here. Also inefficient, and might be loud.

Here you go, good luck, bye. Oh, wait, wait.

Here you go. Thanks, Leonard.

Here you go. Thanks, Leonard.

Here? Oh, are you shy?

Hey, guys. Hello.

Hey, guys. Hey.

Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Penny.

Hey, Leonard? Hi, Penny.

Hey, Leonard? The hair products are Sheldon's.

Hey, Leonard. I'm Sheldon.

Hey, Leonard. Oh, hi, Penny.

Hey, Leslie. Hi, guys.

Hey, look who's com Shh. You'll spook him.

Hey, nice suit. It's a classic, right?

Hey, Penny. Hi, Mike.

Hey, Penny. Come on in. Hey, guys.

Hey, Sheldon. Hi.

Hey, what's going on? lnternet's been down for half an hour.

Hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be? Oh, he's the Doppler effect.

Hey. Hey, Leslie.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi, Penny, how's it going?

Hey. Leonard, where are you?

Hi, guys. Oh, hey.

Hi, Howard. The Amazing Howard.

Hi, where are you going? What?

Hi. Hello.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Oh.

Hi. Wow, you don't look that much alike.

Hi. Again. Hi.

Hi. I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon. Hello.

His mother published a paper on it. Well, what was it called?

Hit you with a Vulcan nerve pinch. No pinches. No !

Hmm. Interesting. lsn't it?

Hold on. Hold on. What?

How about soup? Yeah, we can always divide soup.

How am I supposed to remember all this? That's the best part, you don't have to.

How are things with you and Leslie? Oh.

How so? Everybody knows genetic diversity...

How was Nebraska? Well, better than North Dakota.

How? Physics.

How? Simple.

How's it going? Fine.

How's your family? Oh, it was the worst trip.

Howard I know, I'm disgusting.

Howard It's your Millennium Falcon...

Howard, get rid of Leonard for two hours. No problem.

Howard, he's 15. Yeah, so?

Howard, I'm sorry, we would've No, no, you're quark blocking us.

Howard, listen to me. Hang on. Call waiting.

Howard, sit down. Okay.

Howard? ln here, milady.

Howard? The answer is giant magnetoresistance.

I answer the questions. You didn't answer question.

I bet they love Scrubs. What's not to love?

I called dibs. You can't.

I can't shoot now, I'm cloaking. Now, Raj, kill Sheldon.

I didn't invent them. They're there. ln what universe?

I didn't know you ate here. We don't. This is a disturbing aberration.

I don't Think, woman.

I don't believe it. I know. It's basic culinary science.

I don't know what to say. It's okay, I do.

I don't know, Penny Thing is, we're not

I don't know. Maybe. Wow, I'm on fire tonight.

I don't know. Tell her I'm sick. Okay.

I don't think so. Leonard.

I don't. Okay, sorry.

I feel really guilty. You did what you had to do.

I give up. I don't guess.

I gotta get to rehearsal. See you guys. See you.

I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves. I hardly think so.

I guess. Yeah, we lndians invented them.

I have an alternate proposal. Go on.

I know someone who would disagree. Who?

I know what I'm gonna do. What?

I like it. I don't.

I need to use your window. Oh, hey. Yeah, no, sure, go ahead.

I need your official answer. No, I decline to provide one.

I paid $200 for my share. Everybody knows a time machine loses...

I slipped and skinned my knee. Are you okay?

I think I know. No, you don't.

I think that's a week from Tuesday at 6. No, it's this Friday.

I thought she was the whore of Omaha. Shh.

I tried to stop you. It's my own fault.

I want a different question. You can't.

I want soup. Then make soup.

I want to leave. Okay.

I will yield. After we go through the exercise...

I would like to propose an experiment. Hang on.

I'd like to propose an experiment Goggles.

I'll do the talking. Yeah?

I'll give you a hand. Oh, stop it.

I'll risk it. Ooh.

I'll show you the trick with the shower. Okay.

I'm Good to go. Me too.

I'm glad you decided to learn Mandarin. Why?

I'm gonna talk anyway. I assumed you would.

I'm in. Sheldon? Wha ? Need you ask?

I'm jumping in. Good luck.

I'm just trying to be a good neighbor. Oh, of course.

I'm not anticipating coitus. So she's available for coitus?

I'm not leaving until I'm done. Oh, no.

I'm not Peter Pan, I'm Robin Hood. Really?

I'm not sick. You're a carrier.

I'm so sorry you didn't get your party. It's okay.

I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it. I'll teach you.

I'm sorry? I need eggs.

I'm sorry? Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols.

I'm sorry. Not done.

I'm sure she'll still love him. I wouldn't.

I've decided to refocus my efforts and use my people skills...

I've got a solution. Great. What is it?

I've gotta go to the emergency room. Now?

Is that Raj and Howard? Possibly, but unverified.

It was not You are a nutcase. We'll see about that.

It's 2:00 in the morning. It's important.

It's a common mistake. Not the first one I've made today.

It's a joke. I don't get it.

It's certainly preferable to my plan. Which was?

It's fine. It's not carved in stone.

It's just not a good time. Leonard has a lady over.

It's more the spirit in which What did he say?

It's nice to meet you. You too, as well also.

It's no big deal. Yes.

It's not what he said. Then what is it?

It's okay if you say no. Oh, I'll probably say yes.

It's okay, Leonard. Oh, okay, all right, good.

It's okay. Open with a joke, you'll be fine. Okay, joke. Okay.

It's only $800? Yeah. And that's my bid.

It's Tressling. lt combines the physical strength...

Just give us a few minutes. I'm running really late.

Just tell him to go home. Well, he won't leave.

Keen observation, goodbye. You see where you went wrong, don't you?

Kurt, put him down this instant. He started it.

Kurt. Okay.

Leonard, look out. Damn it, man, we're dying here.

Leonard, thank you so much. Oh, sure.

Leonard, you got one on your tail. That's all right, my tail's prehensile.

Leonard? What?

Leonard? Yes?

Leonard? I'm hungry. Wait. Penny, take me with you.

Leonard. Ha.

Leonard. What?

Leonard. yeah?

Leonard. Yeah?

Leonard's home. No.

Let's give them some privacy. Yeah.

Let's roll. Okay.

Lights flash and the dish spins. Wanna try? No.

Like who? I don't know.

Listen I've been thinking about names.

Living room appears to be empty. Okay, he must be in his bedroom.

ln the lab? Yes.

lnteresting. Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.

Look, we have to settle this. I agree.

Love? Lard.

ls he here? lf he were, I wouldn't be.

ls it the geometry that makes it fun? Okay.

ls it the waitress? Penny? What about her?

ls it too much? Not if you're a rugby team.

ls Thai food okay with you, Penny? Sure.

ls that a dog? Yes.

ls that all you need? Yes.

ls this all your clothes? Yup, everything since the eighth grade.

ls this part of the tour? Nope. Goodbye.

lt looked pretty good in the store. lt is an inefficient design.

lt means go straight. Then just say, "Go straight."

lt wasn't on? No.

lt would be a more merciful death. That doesn't

lt would blow up. Are you sure?

Make it happen. Yes, sir.

Maybe a little. Because I do that, I do overreact.

Maybe I should call Mike and apologize. No, no.

Maybe she's his lawyer. Well, she's free to examine my briefs.

Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon Yeah, I don't care. Listen.

Mint? Thank you.

Mom? Mm hm.

Morning, Penny. Hi. How did the intervention go?

Morning. Oh.

Must we? Event A:

My career is not over. Great.

My mom bought me those pants. I'm sorry.

Nevertheless ln addition

Next time, make your own date. Didn't wanna make this one.

Nice meeting you. Yeah, you too.

Nice move. I've got it.

No kidding. I don't wanna go out on a limb...

No kidding. Nope. Not only that...

No offense. Really? So why did you come?

No pinches. No ! No!

No, don't Don't Hello?

No, he's not. Yes, he is.

No, I got that. And honest

No, I haven't. Get used to it.

No, I needed to hear it. You didn't. You are a great guy.

No, I sit there. What's the difference?

No, I'm not shy. Don't worry, I won't look.

No, it's not that lf I have to, I can demonstrate: Vroom.

No, we don't. Come on, Shelly, she's family.

No, we're not. No, we're not. I'm sorry

No, you don't understand. I understand.

No! Whoo.

No? No.

No. Eh, why not?

No. Formal protest.

No. Good.

No. Here, let me try.

No. I'm sorry.

No. No?

No. No.

No. No.

No. Then don't ask me how I'm feeling.

No. Yeah, no.

Normal non freaky smart. Yeah, no, sure.

Not for long. I call dibs on the Golden Age Flash.

Not to blow on a miniature time machine. Don't worry.

Now keep true. What?

Now, who would do that? That would be me.

Oh, boy, group hug. Uh uh.

Oh, boy, I was afraid of this. What?

Oh, dear. What's the matter?

Oh, great. Great.

Oh, great. I'm sorry. Don't you have a spare?

Oh, he's got me. Oh!

Oh, hey, guys. Hi, Penny.

Oh, hey, guys. Hi, Penny.

Oh, hey, guys. Oh, hey, Penny.

Oh, hey, Leonard. Good afternoon, Penny.

Oh, hey, Leonard. Hi.

Oh, hey. When did you get here? Hi.

Oh, hi, Penny. Hey, where are you?

Oh, my God, so many goblins. Aah!

Oh, my God. Why did you eat it? I don't know, it was just there.

Oh, no. What?

Oh, okay, then this one. Why?

Oh, snap. Ha ha.

Oh, that's cool. Uh huh.

Oh, that's much better. Hi. Hi.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Oh, yes. Not at all.

Oh! Congratulations, what a lucky break. It's not a big a deal.

Okay, I see, so not a DVD burner. Exactly.

Okay, I'll see you later. Wait.

Okay, new contest. What are you doing?

Okay, one more time? Never mind, you won't get it right.

Okay, thanks. You're welcome.

Okay, that was uncalled for. You started it, dude.

Okay, well, make yourself at home. Okay.

Okay? Are you ready? Absolutely.

Okay. ln a tall glass with a lime wedge.

One more thing. Yes?

One package Philips head screws? Check.

One twenty? Oh, I'm sorry, did I insult you?

One. Ah!

Or can we? No, we can't.

Or there are motion sensors involved. No, I meant

Penny, listen, I've got a problem. Yeah, well, so do l.

Penny, Penny, Penny. What, what, what?

Penny, wait. yeah?

Penny? Yeah?

Penny. Leonard. Sheldon.

Penny. yeah?

phylum, which makes 14 across Port au Prince.

Please. You don't even have a Ph.D. All right, that's it.

Plus your irritability Yes, I'm upset.

PMS? And Sheldon can suck on...

PMS? Shor's algorithm.

PMS? The eta meson.

Pretty much, why? Just catching up.

Pretty sure. "Pretty sure" is not very scientific.

Proceed. We are entering the Physics Bowl...

Raj No, no, let's see how long it takes him.

Raj and I will get the oxyacetylene torch. Meet in an hour?

Raj? No way, Jose.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yep.

Really? Great. Thank you.

Recently? Long enough.

Right away, right away. Thank you.

Right. Hey, I buzzed in.

Right. You also made a grammatical mistake.

Screw Panchali. You can't talk to me like that.

Seen it. No.

Shall I count down from three? No, I think it needs to be spontaneous.

She got lucky. You don't believe in luck.

She just wanted to avoid a scene with him. So we get to have a scene with him?

She's gone, Sheldon. Oh.

She's not that intelligent. She fixed your equation.

Sheldon 2.0? Exactly.

Sheldon who?" All right, that is just very immature.

Sheldon, are you gonna introduce us? Oh, all right. This is Missy.

Sheldon, are you hungry? I could eat.

Sheldon, can I talk to you in private? I guess.

Sheldon, I didn't see your present. That's because I didn't bring one.

Sheldon, tell them what you did. What did I do?

Sheldon, we have to do this. No, we don't.

Sheldon, we have to go. Why?

Sheldon, what are you gonna have? I'll have a Diet Coke.

Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable. Am l?

Sheldon, you just can't dictate No more talking. Everybody go.

Sheldon! I'm coming.

Sheldon? I'm sorry.

Sheldon? Shh!

Sheldon? Yes. Ahem.

Sheldon. Hee hee hee.

Sheldon. Yeah?

Sheldon. Yes?

Shhh! I'm sorry, I didn't....

Shotgun. No, no, no.

Show me Sheldon?

Shut up, Howard! Shut up, Howard!

Sit down. Okay.

Six two inch dowels? Check.

Smooth. Thank you.

So are you boys academics like our son? Yes.

So are you in? Yeah, sure. Why not?

So call her. How can I call her? I can't talk to women.

So how was your date? Awesome. Heh.

So how's everything? Terrific.

So I can have Penny? Hell, no.

So it was working. It was not You are a nutcase.

So Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh? I wasn't staring.

So we gonna see you Saturday? I don't think so.

So we're getting this one? Yeah, I suppose.

So what? You've got Penny. How do I have Penny?

So who did he get to be on his team? He won't say.

So who wants to rent Fiddler? No need. We have the special edition.

So you admit that it's our work? No, once again, I'm throwing you a bone.

So you admit you're an egotist. Yes.

So you and Leonard Oh, dear God.

So you're a dental student? Hmm.

So? It's the Chinese restaurant all over again.

So? lt would be gastronomically redundant.

So? So it's my turn.

So? So lack of a physiological response...

So? There are pitfalls.

So? They're both curry based cuisines.

Something they wouldn't buy for themself. You mean, like a sweater?

Something's gotta be done about him. Like what?

Sorry about that. That's okay.

Sorry I'm late. What happened?

Sorry, but with all due respect, I don't I'm sorry, darling. We have to go.

Sorry. "Sorry"? That's all you can say is "sorry"?

Sorry. Okay.

Sounds fun. I'm game.

Sounds good. I have a video of me singing last night.

Sounds like a wise man. Oh, not so wise.

Sounds like you have company. They're not going anywhere.

Start throwing grenades. I'm all out.

Stay away from me. Sure. That's another way to go.

Stop it. You hit me.

Studying abroad? No, visiting professor.

Supper? Or dinner, you know.

Sweetie, put the pants on. I'm gonna put them on.

Take him down. He's got you, Sheldon.

Ten, nine, eight Where are your snipers?

Thank you. Honey, why did you get a loom?

Thank you. It's okay.

Thank you. lt was straight downhill from there.

Thank you. Mm hm.

Thank you. No, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Which hard drive do I want?

Thank you. you're very welcome.

Thanks for coming on such short notice. You did the right thing calling.

Thanks for pointing it out. ln addition, your premise is flawed.

That has a negative social implication. I said I'm sorry.

That is correct. I knew that too.

That sounds fair. Hold on. Bimonthly is an ambiguous term.

That sounds interesting. So you'll think about it?

That was fun. Thanks for including me. You're welcome.

That.... Again, time machine.

That's 12, we'll each have four. That works.

That's fascinating I didn't say fascinating.

That's great, you guys have to go. Why?

That's so silly. It's actually based on very sound theories.

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You think?

That's why they call it a panic attack. All right.

The ladies? Perpetual Motion Squad...

Then no. Okay, every other month.

There have been studies. Not double blind studies.

There were only two people there? By the end, yeah.

There's gonna be some furniture delivered? yeah.

There's only 30 seconds left in the auction. Do you have $800?

They only have one burger, the Big Boy. The barbeque burger's like the Big Boy.

This is a family matter, Sheldon. No, I'm Leonard.

This.... Time machine.

Those are movies. Of course they're movies.

Three, two. Snipe, snipe.

Too late. Let's say I go out and I spend $50 on you.

Uh huh. And you want us out...

Uh uh? Okay. So, what's up?

Um, can I ask you a favor? A favor?

Un unravelable? Yes.

Wait a minute. I wanna see that too. So when it's your turn, you can.

Wait till you see this. It's fantastic. Unbelievable.

Wait, put this in the bathroom. What for?

Wait. Wait. Did you say wait?

Watch your fingers. Yeah.

Water, need water. I'll be right back.

We can't go home. Why not?

We could put her stereo back there. And control it how?

We don't have soup. I'm at work, Sheldon.

We don't order egg rolls. Exactly. But we'd have to if she was here.

We have a two man, two day kit. So?

We have to go. Not now, this poor man needs me.

We rehearse on Tuesdays at your place. Why at my place?

We said no tanks. There are no rules in hell.

We should take a little break. Good idea. I need my wrist brace.

We'll be right back. Oh, take your time.

We'll get out of your hair. Okay, great.

We're here to pick up Penny's TV. Get lost.

We're home. Oh, my God. What happened?

We're not going to Long Beach. Why not?

We're not gonna give up just like that. Leonard, the TV's in the building.

We're really more of a No.

Well, actually Sheldon, he's just doodling. Get in here.

Well, here's an interesting turn of events. What?

Well, how did it get on the lnternet? I put it there.

Well, I actually might be able to help. How so?

Well, I didn't hear the phone ring. They texted me.

Well, it's all good. Statistically unlikely.

Well, it's all good. Statistically unlikely.

Well, it's not. Why am I supposed to know that?

Well, just do it. Okay.

Well, no. I smell robot.

Well, now you are. Oh, all right.

Well, thank you. You know, I gotta tell you.

Well, that should do it. Thank you for coming by.

Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church. Yes, Patel. Good man.

Well, this is nice. We don't have a lot of company over.

Well, what happened? Well, poor boy had a fit.

Well, what? What does it mean?

Well, who's calling at this ungodly hour? I don't know.

Well, yeah. I'm a theoretical physicist.

Well? I'm thinking.

Well.... Just sit somewhere else.

Were you trying to impress Penny? No, no, not at all.

What about biology? What?

What about the cream cheese frosting? He can sc**** it off.

What are you doing? Answering question.

What are you doing? Don't worry, you'll thank me.

What are you doing? I'm straightening up.

What are you doing? Just moving something upstairs.

What are you guys doing here? It's "Halo" night.

What are you so happy about? I'm not happy.

What are you working on? Something remarkable.

What did you call me? You heard me.

What do you think their combined lQ is? Just grab the door.

What do you think? Um, that one.

What do you want for breakfast? Chocolate milk and Eggos, please.

What do you want, Howard? I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

What happened to your egg research? Oh, that was a dead end.

What if guests show up? Entertain them.

What is it, Papa? I don 't see your friends.

What is it? Just, you know, a time machine.

What kind of sick? Oh, the flu, I guess.

What on earth are you talking about? Let me explain.

What time is your date? Six thirty.

What was I supposed to say? You could have told her the truth.

What was that? Believe it or not, personal growth.

What were you doing in his closet? I helped him run some cable for a webcam.

What, what, what? Never mind.

What? Ha ha.

What? Howard, that's racist.

What? I was analyzing our lie...

What? It's a biofeedback technique.

What? Just do it.

What? No, it Never mind.

What? Nothing.

What? Oh, come on.

What? That's Princess Panchali.

What? Well, think about it.

What'd you spill on it? Nothing.

What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on.

What's going on? Shh! Hot girl in Sheldon's office.

What's important? Details, Leonard.

What's that? Tea.

What's the difference? Here we go.

What's the difference? What's the difference?

What's the exchange rate? None of your business. Take it or leave it.

What's the matter? I don't know what the protocol is here.

What's the matter? No, I'm fine.

What's the matter? This granola bar has peanuts in it.

What's the number? I'll match it. I'll match it, plus a thousand rupees.

What's the protocol for leaving? I don't know.

What's up? Well, I convinced the restaurant...

What's up? Yeah, well, I'm at work too.

What's your formula for the corner? What?

When did your mother go into menopause? Okay.

Where are you going? I'm going over to Mike's.

Where's Christy? ln the shower.

Which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes? I don't know.

Which is? you think with your penis.

Which one was that? One.

Who are you calling? The only man who can restore...

Who told you you could touch my board? No one.

Who? My Physics Bowl trophy.

Who's on the phone? It's Leonard.

Who's running the red Corvette? That would be me.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.

Why did you hit pause? I thought I heard something.

Why did you say it? I don't know

Why doesn't Christy stay with me? You live with your mother.

Why don't we finish this section first? Oh, okay.

Why is he calling? Sheldon's sick.

Why Larry? Did Larry call dibs? Would you forget dibs?

Why not? Because people don't like it.

Why not? Don't ask.

Why not? I don't celebrate my birthday.

Why? Because I don't want it anymore.

Why? Because it's polite.

Why? Because you're taking all the fun out of it.

Why? It's culturally universal.

Why? Just personal reasons.

Why? They asked me to come in.

Why? Why? Oh....

William Shatner. Wait.

Yeah, at home. lf you leave now, you can be back...

Yeah, I remember. I resent you saying we don't have company.

Yeah, no problem. Great, here's my spare key.

yeah, sit down. Now close your eyes. Why?

Yeah, totally. So but....

Yeah, totally. So but....

Yeah? Get him out.

yeah? I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.

Yeah? Well, I'm done fishing.

yeah. Well, I don't think you have a shot there.

Yes, I do. Of course you do.

yes. No.

Yes. Now, hmm....

Yes. Oh.

Yes. That arrogant, misogynistic...

yes. What should I tell her?

You and the waitress, then. No, no.

You are not lsaac Newton. No, no, that's true.

You bid $800? lt was a spur of the moment thing.

You didn't. We did. I just came from there.

You don't have buffets in lndia? Of course, but it's all lndian food.

you don't think that crosses a line? yes.

You go dancing every Wednesday? No.

You gotta stall Leonard longer. I don't think I can.

You gotta take one for the team. Yeah. Sack up, dude.

You guys ready to order? Hang on.

You guys ready to push? In a minute.

You have got to be kidding me. Not at all.

You have to do something about it. Why?

You have to let me get there. You are never gonna let that go, are you?

You hypocrite. What?

You just lied to Penny. Yes, I did.

You lndian. Oh.

You look great. Thanks.

You lucky duck. Heh.

you mean kiss you now? yes.

you need to call her and cancel. Me?

you okay? No, it hurt

You put those on. What for?

You ready to go? I just have to change.

You really think I haven't considered it? Have you considered it?

You should try it. Oh, it's okay.

You speak English really well. So do you.

You tried to blow up my head. So it was working.

You tried to blow up my head. So it was working.

You two have to back off. Why should I back off? You back off.

You wanna make plans for New Year's? Please, you're smothering me.

You want me to get eye surgery? Would you rather go back...

You went with Thor? What?

You were saying, "But...."? I'd like a drink.

You're doomed. Shh!

You're in no state of mind to talk. Sheldon, what is it?

You're joking, right? Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.

You're kidding. ls that all?

You're kidding. Why not? They formed a barbershop quartet...

You're kidding. Why not? They formed a barbershop quartet...

you're lactose intolerant. I don't eat it, I think it's a good idea.

You're out too, by the way. Say what?

Zod? Kryptonian villain. Long story.

...a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.

...a creepy computer voice.

...a differential to solve for the area under a curve?

...a man from the government came by and sat him down real gentle...

...a potential close friend and perhaps more.

...after which we didn't wanna rip our eyes out.

...air flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice.

...although at this point, it's more like Doctor Why Bother.

...an ability he derives from exposure to sun

...an artificial computer intelligence...

...an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.

...an online blog depicting his descent into drug use...

...an unpleasant six months of you passing awkwardly in the hall...

...and "need $800."

...and a desperate yet hopeful listing on eHarmony.com.

...and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

...and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.

...and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats.

...and costumes and comic books, and now that?

...and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?

...and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?

...and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together...

...and discovers that light behaves like particles too.

...and drinking mint juleps.

...and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.

...and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.

...and figure out how to get her with Dennis.

...and for another, I told him to call security.

...and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs.

...and got a gig playing Knott's Berry Farm.

...and has an ego in need of constant validation.

...and haven't quite bounced back.

...and he waits to die.

...and he was just all apologetic about how he's changed.

...and his five twin brothers, you are wasting your time.

...and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.

...and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.

...and I could smell German chocolate cake, which is my favorite.

...and I find that when I'm undergoing stress...

...and I know that moving can be stressful...

...and I may not be here, so, oh

...and I need you not to embarrass me tonight.

...and I saw strange cars parked out front.

...and I saw these children on a merry go round...

...and I think he feels really bad about it.

...and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.

...and I walked over there and I fixed it.

...and I'm supposed to keep him out for two hours.

...and if you disagree, I recommend a CAT scan to look for a tumor...

...and immediately adjacent to that hallway was this.

...and in your case, the elevator, parks and fast food franchise.

...and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying.

...and instead have written books...

...and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.

...and isn't that just a little sad?

...and it is a party, so...

...and it might be a little awkward, you know, given that l

...and Leonard could have his pick.

...and Leonard could have his pick.

...and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, then...

...and more accomplished than he is.

...and move to the key variable?

...and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.

...and my stupid shower doesn't work.

...and my wife could sing to my children the lullabies my mother sang to me.

...and naked bodies contorted in the sweet agony of coitus.

...and one thing led to another and, it turns out, you're off the team.

...and outside our living room was that hallway...

...and putting me in advanced placement classes...

...and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears.

...and share a decontamination shower?

...and Sheldon converts my Easy Bake Oven to some kind of high powered furnace.

...and Sheldon had a colonoscopy, and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.

...and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson...

...and so you're driven to animalistic puffery.

...and spun toward a grotesque tailless donkey...

...and Superman catches her.

...and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.

...and that I'm having regular bowel movements.

...and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips.

...and that she, Leslie, had turned me down...

...and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv.

...and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.

...and the external receiver attached to this...

...and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.

...and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.

...and the result was an internal blitzkrieg...

...and the sensor apparatus will rest on it.

...and then criticizing the result. And I don't appreciate it.

...and then it's just 36 meaningless hours of....

...and then rescued by Superman.

...and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.

...and then you could give me $50 on my birthday and so on...

...and then you say something appropriate in response.

...and told everybody he was gonna provide electricity for the town.

...and told him it's against the law to have yellow cake uranium in a shed.

...and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our lSP...

...and transmit that to a distant location for reassembly...

...and unbag all your mint condition comic books.

...and washing the sluttiest collection of underwear...

...and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you."

...and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.

...and when she was done with you, she discarded you like last night's chutney?

...and who actually cares about me.

...and wishes more guys were like you.

...and you and I are gonna go round the way we did when we were little. Remember?

...and you can't prove string theory.

...and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years.

...and you're off the team.

...and, you know, move on with my life.

...and, you know, move on with my life.

...any semblance of balance to our universe.

...apologize to your boss and get your job back.

...are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.

...as Mom puts it, one of God's special little people.

...as remarkable as myself.

...as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.

...as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of a black hole...

...as the other children mocked my disorientation.

...as to who gets custody of the TV.

...at approximately 120 miles an hour, hits them...

...at the Heidelberg lnstitute in Germany.

...at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

...at the Topical Conference on Bose Einstein Condensates.

...at the very least, an error in judgment.

...augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings.

...based on Alex Ross' definitive Batman.

...because of work and a colonoscopy.

...because of your initial and inadequate deceit.

...because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale.

...because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.

...because there will be a discussion when you leave.

...because they're, you know, getting busy.

...because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?

...because you're anticipating coitus?

...before hell freezes over.

...before I meet the Grasshopper.

...before the gorillas whip the crap out of Charlton Heston.

...before you gotta throw a stick of dynamite in the water?

...between these events?

...bippity boppity boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire.

...both the biochemical and behavioral aspects...

...bother to create a petite, hot, 17 year old killer robot?

...bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal.

...but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable mac daddy.

...but certainly not dilate my pupils...

...but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs...

...but he also minored in theater at MIT.

...but he has been difficult since he fell out of me at the Kmart.

...but I can special order it for you.

...but I don't condemn those who seek to accelerate the process.

...but I have here the rare, mint condition, production era...

...but I must remind you we are in our predicament...

...but I now see where Sheldon gets his smoldering good looks.

...but I think we may be looking at my new Tuesday hamburger.

...but I think you'll agree that practicality dictates it remain here.

...but I'd like to get on my question now.

...but I'm really upset about it.

...but in his own stupid way was just trying to show people how he feels.

...but is a guy who can't speak in front of women gonna hold you back?

...but it has been pointed out to me that you carry DNA of great potential.

...but nevertheless, we're gonna throw Leonard a birthday party.

...but Ockham's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.

...but on a more serious note, it's 8:13 and we're still not playing "Halo."

...but on this Physics Bowl team, I rule with an iron fist.

...but probably because her sister shot somebody.

...but since when do you care at all about who I sleep with?

...but some of us have climbed a little higher on the evolutionary tree.

...but that future no longer exists due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.

...but the end result will be a measurable enhancement...

...but the human body can only absorb so much.

...but there aren't gonna be any parades or judges or prizes.

...but they won't lay any eggs.

...but to drink, shoot and snort his pain away?

...but we both know it exists in contradistinction...

...but we'd be further along in this conversation...

...but when they're afraid of lawsuits, they sure test everything.

...but who instead introduced him to a gin pickled tongue...

...but you didn't have 10 seconds to make one that said, "Urine cup"?

...but you shouted me down.

...but you two don't feel any obligation to join in.

...but you're really not.

...by a postpubescent Asian wunderkind.

...by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert.

...by writing about me on his blog so the entire world can read it.

...call it 30 degrees, so about half.

...can we get on with "Halo" night?

...capable of following that train of thought.

...choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy.

...click on upcoming events, scroll to seminars, download the PDF schedule...

...compared with three men each attempting to dance with 67 percent of a woman.

...could be as large as 10 to the 500th power.

...despite the fact you've done no original research in 25 years...

...didn't become flatulent every time they ate an Eskimo Pie.

...divided amongst four people.

...do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?

...do you wanna join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?

...does he intend to quit if he does not get his way?

...doesn't have something to do with what's going on here?

...doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are.

...don't order tangerine chicken.

...doorknob that told me I should abandon my work with high energy particles...

...due to quantum vacuum fluctuation?"

...each one dumbed down...

...emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.

...even if the reason for their happiness made the first person unhappy.

...even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning.

...execute the vision of those who think and dream.

...Fishman, Chen, Chaudury and McNair aren't fielding a team...

...for being named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive?"

...for her bedroom closet.

...for homemade integrated circuits.

...for I am but a monkey and it is in my nature to climb.

...for laundry and childbearing?

...for Penny to see me as a member of her peer group...

...for that dense molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate.

...for when they need dogs to operate the centrifuge for blind scientists.

...forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely family...

...from a morning of weight training and cardio funk?

...from bosonic string theory to heterotic string theory.

...from Scooby Doo cartoons comes to mind.

...from short term to long term memory?

...from the aforementioned woman's ex boyfriend.

...from the original film and no one is bidding.

...from the smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her...

...from the subject matter.

...from Victorian England into the post apocalyptic future...

...General Tso's chicken, beef with broccoli...

...generated by the glass acting on the olive. Ooh.

...half its value the minute you drive it off the lot.

...has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact...

...have them fertilized and implanted in you.

...have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of lndia?

...he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed...

...he can tolerate small amounts of nonfat ice cream...

...he is also the youngest recipient of the prestigious Stevenson Award.

...heavier women were the standard for beauty because girth suggested affluence.

...here I am at your birthday party

...holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner.

...Homo habilis would've figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

...I am really sorry about what I said. I was just upset.

...I broke up with my boyfriend and it's freaking me out.

...I can drop you off at work yesterday.

...I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon...

...I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself

...I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured.

...I just have to find something else to focus on.

...I performed a front end alignment from 62 million miles away.

...I still love him.

...I think it's very insensitive.

...I thought that Homo habilis line really put him in his place.

...I thought you're trying to keep me out of the apartment...

...I was abused in the Philippines by a clubfooted Navy chaplain.

...I will be less than useless.

...I will open it.

...I'd go into the past and give it to myself.

...I'll point out which of my friends are easy.

...I'm a bit of a self taught expert.

...I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA analyzing wreckage.

...I'm originally from "Denton, Texas," but I was a Navy brat.

...I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver

...Iamp.

...Ieaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death.

...Iet me introduce the man of the hour, Mr. Dennis Kim.

...Iet me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted.

...if things don't go well with Leonard, I risk losing a really good friend.

...if you would be the fourth member of our "Halo" team.

...if you'd begun with that thought.

...in front of a group of judgmental strangers...

...in gasses like helium at temperatures approaching absolute zero.

...in order to create a new Sheldon.

...in Russian, Arabic and Farsi.

...in the original packaging.

...in the Physics Bowl this year.

...in the sack.

...including the label maker...

...Indian parents continue to have an involvement in their children's love lives.

...indicating that Penny had no interest in me asking her out.

...interact in a cylindrical container.

...into other animals, and I thought, "Hey, fish nightlights."

...Iong predates your acquisition of the time machine.

...Ioom."

...Ioud music and most other forms of alcohol induced frivolity.

...is a pretext for letting you know that I'm sexually available.

...is always oriented with the headboard away from the door.

...is by putting thought and imagination into the gifts we give them.

...is devolving into pointless jealousy.

...is more emotionally valuable than help he would get at rehab.

...is now romantically unavailable to the first person.

...is raising glow in the dark fish and weaving se****s.

...is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.

...is the day I begin my research on the drag coefficient of tassels on flying carpets.

...is the willingness to recognize one's mistakes.

...is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.

...is this subway, the transportation system, or Subway, the sandwich shop?

...is to break into your neighbor's apartment and clean.

...is using his computer to turn our lights on and off.

...is you can't stick an electrode in our hypothalamus.

...it has shifted from clear to milky green.

...it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel...

...it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses and his police uniforms.

...it was us.

...it will not go through both. If unobserved, it will.

...it would've died out years ago.

...it'll create a black hole and swallow up the Earth, ending life as we know it.

...just living their ordinary, colorless, work a day lives.

...just to polish up my spearfishing equipment.

...Klingon Boggle?

...know that I'm comfortable with the two of us climbing the stairs in silence.

...knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out.

...Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners.

...Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.

...making the bang, bang music.

...maybe I get bumped, one of the dumplings fall to the floor.

...maybe we can talk about this.

...maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat.

...might all be there.

...might lead to a nice romantic evening.

...most accurate visualization of a scientific principle.

...most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fiber content.

...my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him.

...my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?

...my mother would read it.

...next to a transsexual prostitute?

...no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.

...nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.

...not to mention an extremely intricate back story.

...nothing I didn't already know, and I came home.

...of an annoying series of votes, which the gentleman will lose...

...of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport.

...of cosmic radiation at sea level, but I don't need help.

...of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.

...of our colleague/friendship paradigm with the addition of a date like component.

...of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil.

...of the least imaginative way to assemble these components.

...of the money you attract to smuggle your grandfather out of Pyongyang.

...on molecular positronium given by Dr. Emil Farmanfarmian.

...on molecular positronium.

...on stardate 5027.3...

...on this presentation thing?

...one might use on a summer's eve.

...one month's supply at a time.

...or around women, or at times even effeminate men.

...or costumes or robots or Darth Vader voice changers.

...or do you also object to the imposition of a new organizational paradigm?

...or hits you with the pepper spray.

...or I will go into your bedroom...

...or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.

...organize and label the entire world around them?

...panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive compulsive disorder."

...people order cheesecake and I bring it to them.

...people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.

...please turn your attention to the formula on the screens.

...poured a bowl of cereal, added a quarter cup of milk...

...pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain."

...pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.

...probably the reason for my substance abuse problem.

...produces the strongest offspring.

...racing down fiber optic cable at the speed of light to San Francisco...

...rendering my response moot.

...returns on its original trajectory, and adheres to you.

...right now can be thought of as both good and bad.

...sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America, and watched Doctor Who.

...say, one glorious summer?

...sexual availability.

...she knows she's been dated.

...she wouldn't have asked me to go if you weren't drunk and boring.

...shoved down his adolescent throat.

...since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.

...so I guess there was no point in bringing it up.

...so I need to get my self esteem from strangers.

...so I told her that you were lying to protect me.

...so she's agreed to operate as if the original lie is still in force.

...so she's kind of family.

...so that they'll be roused by a crying baby.

...so too I regret my participation in what was...

...so we came over to have sex with you.

...so we gave her your contact information.

...so you could throw me a surprise party.

...so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes.

...something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.

...Star Trek: The Next Generation Geordi La Forge without his VISOR...

...taking high resolution digital photographs.

...terminating in Halifax, Nova Scotia...

...than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers, you're still winning.

...than you coming to the showcase, now I get to watch you watch me.

...that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter...

...that alcohol and poor judgment on her part...

...that astrology is pseudoscientific hokum.

...that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia.

...that good food and company can have a comforting effect.

...that his own father failed to provide.

...that I wouldn't participate.

...that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta.

...that may take me up on the next space shuttle.

...that might have someday led to sex.

...that Penny is the only woman in the world for you...

...that reduce the great concepts of science to anecdotes...

...that resting in her loins is the potential for another individual...

...that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.

...that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical.

...that the sun's position relative to arbitrary constellations...

...that was sent to everyone whose files indicated...

...that will break open at a random time.

...that you would rather lose by yourself than win as part of a team?

...that, I maintain, in the right concentration could be weaponized.

...that's either a proctologist, or a general surgeon.

...the attention he gets by rebelling, even to the point of destruction...

...the barbeque burger or the Kobe burger?

...the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment.

...the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages.

...the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod.

...the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang.

...the honorary Justice League of America membership card?

...the moment of inertia changes and the solid becomes a supersolid...

...the success or failure of the date would be based on the biochemical reaction...

...then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet...

...then she, Penny, could be offering consolation.

...then that would mean that she, Penny, thought I should ask her, Leslie, out...

...there are three of us and two of them.

...there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here?

...there was no way he could've come up with this whole experiment thing.

...these cultures and my accompanying notes...

...they had daughters between the ages of 14 and 16.

...they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.

...they'd hate it too.

...they'll have to go through me.

...this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system.

...this will register it and send a signal to the laptop.

...through meticulous experiments...

...thus intimidating one's opponent.

...to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement."

...to be an actress and winds up a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.

...to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce.

...to give me a bartending shift so I need to practice mixing drinks.

...to go back and knock me unconscious.

...to have had soup at home, I would have thought of it?

...to heat up my cup of noodles.

...to inadequate serotonin production.

...to include hi def graphics and enhanced weapon systems.

...to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.

...to make sure nothing would ever grow again?

...to make sure that Missy chooses a suitable mate.

...to Penny's quality of life.

...to point it out.

...to protect the genetic integrity of your sister's future offspring.

...to see me in the context of her social group...

...to simply enable you to speak to the opposite sex?

...to spare you dealing with the fact that it was my idea.

...to the higher level distal cause.

...to the lllinois cavalry and Hulk.

...to the notion of being rendered speechless.

...to verify the identity of one's coconspirators.

...to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

...Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment.

...until one of us dies, leaving the other one old and $50 richer.

...until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code.

...until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.

...was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer...

...wasn't getting me beaten up enough.

...we brought home lndian food...

...we can go all night.

...we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it...

...we could be out of food by tomorrow afternoon.

...we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.

...we could lick cold fusion in less than a decade, 12 years tops.

...we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner.

...we had something we wanted to ask you.

...we have to face the fact that none of you are suitable for my sister.

...we live together, but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms.

...we may have gotten off on the wrong foot...

...we might succumb to cannibalism?

...we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick.

...we're going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted.

...we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention.

...we're having a welcoming party this afternoon for Mr. Kim...

...wearing the birthday king crown, playing laser tag with all my friends.

...were originally evil terminators created by Skynet...

...what are you gonna do? Knock and say to Mrs. Bell, "Fan of your husband.

...when common sense dictates it should be an army ant.

...when I called you an idiot.

...when in actuality, we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach.

...when she discovers your Luke Skywalker "no more tears" shampoo?

...when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.

...when you're feeling less, for lack of a better word, violated...

...where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid?

...where he stares at you and tries to get your brain to explode.

...where I was walking through the park...

...where mine is exquisitely convoluted.

...where society had splintered into two factions:

...where they host a surprisingly gripping murder mystery dinner.

...where you know what you need.

...whereas an elf is an immortal, tall warrior.

...which clearly appears to be a previously unknown state of matter

...which could give a positive urine test for opiates...

...which featured a mattress suspended on interlocking ropes, which occasionally

...which I cannot find anywhere.

...which means all this space behind it is wasted.

...which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.

...which results from a lack of rules and competition.

...which started me thinking about the moment of inertia...

...which then goes into their mouth.

...which we are unable to attend, because we're going to a symposium...

...which would be January 10th, 2328, by pre Federation reckoning.

...which would identify the state of matter of an individual in one location...

...which, unless you're a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction.

...while being forced into the crowded, sweaty hell of bouncy castles.

...while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.

...while she drinks herself into a stupor with nonfat White Russians.

...who are dumb as soup.

...who insisted I stay for lunch.

...who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.

...who promised to introduce him to a merciful, loving God...

...who still lives with his mother.

...who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloi.

...who was mocked by the other monkeys because he was different.

...who wouldn't recognize genius if it were standing in front of them giving a speech.

...who, in 1948, proved conclusively...

...who's developed the cutest little hypoallergenic calicos.

...who's open to expressing her affection in nontraditional locales.

...whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.

...why did you throw it out?

...why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?

...why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned:

...will come out of game time, bathroom time or the pizza break.

...will give them a fighting chance.

...will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?

...with a chicken carbonara sub at Quizno's.

...with a copy of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears?

...with a genetically altered cat?

...with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part's just a joke.

...with a neurochemical overlay.

...with a woman who may or may not want me to be happy...

...with crooked eyebrows my mom drew on.

...with his extremely attractive young mother.

...with little frankfurter slices and these homemade croutons.

...with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.

...with real light speed sound effects.

...with that time machine.

...with the delightfully folksy tale of the whore of Omaha?

...with the greeting, "How wasted am l?"

...with the one in my refrigerated warehouse.

...with the woman who is currently making me happy.

...with, you know, what I'm talking about?

...within the intersection of "no longer want time machine"...

...without producing a noxious gas...

...would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny.

...would bring this conversation to a conclusion?

...would constitute a couple that others might consider cute.

...would have been endangered?

...would I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?

...would you still wail at it?

...would you want me to tell you?

...yakking about every guy she slept with in Omaha, which is every guy in Omaha...

...yet not so close as to cause perspiration.

...you and Chewbacca do whatever you wanna do.

...you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.

...you damn dirty ape.

...you have ever seen in my bathroom sink.

...you know, since Leonard and I have become friends, I was just

...you might wanna skip the reference to bowel movements.

...you say you can't talk to women but you've been talking to me.

...you would have destroyed him in one location and re created him in another.

...you would not have it available to stop yourself from buying it.

...you would not have the conversation motivating you...

...you wouldn't have transported the individual...

...you'd be on a non inertial reference frame and would

...you'll have seven seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.

...your idiosyncrasies, your performance, are protected by the inherent...

...your question may have been rhetorical.

"Cool"?

"Enslaved by warlocks. Stay here till you roll two, four or "

"Get the kid in the yarmulke! Get the kid in the yarmulke!"

"How does a quantum computer factor large numbers?"

"I'm not!"

"l Hate My Son and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?

"l have a Jacuzzi on my balcony. I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony."

"l have a solution, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

"Leonard is so smart.

"Marsha, Jan and Cindy were the three daughters in what TV family?"

"Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon."

"Me and my girlfriend"?

"No eating in the time machine." I propose that we add:

"Or the one."

"Outweigh the needs of the few "

"Pants must be worn at all times in the time machine."

"Penny, just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb...

"Pretty, very." There's really no objective scale for delineating variations of good.

"Pretty, very." There's really no objective scale for delineating variations of good.

"Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth as the lead singer in what group?"

"Singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you...

"That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple."

"The needs of the many "

"There, there" was really all I had.

"Tweety bird thought he saw a what?"

"We are a tall, thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your dalmatians."

"We are testing a new medication for social anxiety...

"What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted 'frame dragging'?"

"What is the lightest element on Earth with no stable isotope?"

"What is the quantum mechanical effect used to encode data on hard disk drives?"

"What is the shortest light pulse ever produced?"

"Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?"

"Yes, you are a smart and strong competitor.

"you love pottery? I love pottery."

"You wanna see my time machine? It's at my friend's house."

8:08. Shh.