Meet the Fockers (2004) Edit

A 15 year old son named Jorge.

A a and he has fought

A are you thinking maybe my parents might be

A boy. You are my hero.

A doctor and a lawyer, what's there to worry about?

A few minutes of concentrated work

A few skeletons in his closet that he is not telling you about.

A German Army helmet.

A la fancy shmancy.

A little birdie told me

A little birdie told me that one of our guests here

A little birdie!

A little bit, but it's wo·h it.

A little engagement soiree

A little huggie wuggie never hurt anybody.

A little off color, but very nice.

A little pitchfork for Christmas, huh,

A lot of the freedoms

A regular Clarence Darrow.

A very specific napping schedule.

A, um, a a a couples therapy.

Abacuses aren't that much fun, are they?

About about this little dude right here.

About family, legacies, children and so forth.

About our first time.

About Pam's dad and just, uh,

About your engagement with Kevin.

Actually, Mom's office is kind of cluttered.

After all this buildup,

After Denny was sent away to military school,

Ah, lovely.

Ah! Honey!

All aboard.

All animals have babies

All I'm saying is,

All right, all right.

All right, come on. Dad, you got to focus, all right?

All right, gentlemen. Let's go. Excuse me.

All right, Mom.

All right, that's enough.

All right, then, uh,

All right, you know what? That's it. That's that's enough humiliation.

All right? In a few weeks, I'm not gonna be Pam Byrnes.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Here we go.

All right. I love you, bye. Hey!

All right. That's all right. Come on.

All right. You got it, dude.

All your might.

Almost done.

Almost like a young, half Hispanic Marlon Brando.

Always question authority.

And and and reveal that I had sex with lsabel

And and and we'll tell them on Sunday before we go.

And and do what's best for us. Okay?

And and I asked her to come and help Bernie in the kitchen this weekend.

And and I think they're just nervous and...

And as beautiful

And became a stay at home dad.

And Bernie is staging a sit in.

And chip away with his hammer of truth.

And competition and sports.

And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?

And don't forget to stretch before you try this at home.

And get some year round fun in the sun."

And got ordained as an inter faith minister.

And guess what?

And guess what? You're not in it.

And he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay?

And he is a handsome little Focker.

And he learnt how to do that in about two days.

And he thinks he has to impress you.

And he's only 15 years old. Isn't that impressive?

And his name is Jorge Villalobos.

And I can't make little things

And I do that for how many minutes?

And I get it all wrong.

And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place

And I have to tell you,

And I let him watch TV.

And I made a mistake.

And I retired right before I met Greg.

And I squeezed them myself.

And I want to take advantage of it.

And I'll give you the deed to her house.

And I'm Bernard Focker, Gaylord's father,

And I'm gonna have to kick your ass.

And I'm not so sure Roz is a yoga instructor, either.

And I've got news for you, Jack,

And if I might add...

And if Jorge really is your son,

And it'll ease the pain, he'll go to sleep.

And it's very near the communal commode.

And just take a little vacation in there.

And let me hear your bodies talk.

And Mom wants to be the cheese.

And most of all,

And my back went into spasm.

And my office is all ready for them to sleep in.

And now it's time for the ladies

And now, for the piece de resistance.

And once I begin the sequence of combat,

And one Jorge Villalobos.

And our flight gets in 7:30,

And Pam is pregnant.

And play weird sex games that everybody can hear in the house.

And playing around with some ideas

And reflect on my thoughts.

And she's waiting for you to pounce on her.

And skeletons don't like living in closets.

And smiling like that.

And still you stayed to raise her child?

And that is the hard part.

And that's all that matters.

And the sooner you accept that,

And the woman craves his sperm

And then later I'll enjoy a nice poop."

And then later, when it's the proper, you know, setting, I can...

And there's no reason to hurt my feelings.

And this is Pam Byrnes, my fiancee.

And tonight, for the first time in your life,

And we're all grownups here and we shake hands like men.

And what you said to those people

And who gives this woman to this man?

And who's this little hairball?

And why are you wearing antlers?

And yeah, fixed. Moses.

And you didn't have a job?

And you should tell people that you are a good lawyer, which he is,

And you were so

And you're a very sensual man.

And you're telling me there's no monkey business?

And your parents are great.

And, also, uh,

And, oh, apparently you have the hots for my mom.

And, then, we're flying to Miami tomorrow with the Byrneses.

And, uh, we're thinking of moving it up to June.

And, you know, l l I really

Any whipped cream with your sundae?

Anyone in the mood for Chinese?

Anyway, I'm just calling to double check

Are Deb and Bob house sitting, while we're in Florida?

Are you all right?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding? That guy's in such denial,

Are you ready to admit

Are you sure you don't want

As a cou·es· to your fellow passengers,

As far as your parents are concerned, I'm still a horticulturist.

As I am about to set sail

As sensitive and as intelligent

As soon as Little Jack's topped off,

As this young lady sitting right here before us.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Asshole.

At ease, son. Put away the Taser.

At Harry Focker's Good Time Supper Club,

At least 15 boogers since he's been here

At least I'm comfortable enough in my own skin

At least you have the libido of a teenager.

Ay ya yay. Nicht gut.

Bazooka! Bazooka!

Be quiet.

Because he has

Because he's full of...

Because he's terrified,

Because I didn't want our parents to meet.

Because I think your fiance may have

Because I'm not ready to tell him I'm pregnant.

Because she keeps touching my stomach

Because sometimes I get wound up so tight,

Because the man is such a sexual dynamo

Because we love our son? We hug our son?

Because we're done!

Because, yeah, I don't want Pam to feel uncomfortable.

Because, you know, after two years,

Before they cut the cake.

Being a florist is stressful?

Bern, did you show them where they're sleeping?

Bernard, do you mind if I have some privacy?

Bernard, get out from under the vehicle

Bernard, if you continue,

Bernie Focker!

Bernie, surveillance technology has helped protect

Bernie, this fritatta is wonderful.

Bernie, this is Jack Byrnes.

Bernie, what the heck are you still doing here?

Besides, you've already won over my dad,

Bingo. Bango. Bungo.

Breast feeding is perfectly natural.

Bring it, dog. Come on. Bring it. Come on.

Busted.

But but that's the name I'm taking.

But be yourself in a way

But don't tell anyone, okay? One more.

But had I been able to,

But he understands. Observe.

But he's a little, you know, whacko.

But he's also a little meshuggenah.

But I'm going to trust you.

But I'm not sure you realize that.

But I'm very proud of you, Gaylord.

But if it's all right with you, Greg,

But in my opinion,

But it'll be good for you, you know, to,

But lions can't be captives their entire lives.

But Pam and l have been doing a little thinkin'

But someone needs to be official quarterback.

But there was a cold snap and... Tell him.

But they they're well intentioned

But very interesting.

But we won't tell Grandpa Jack, will we?

But we're finally all together.

But you have to do it with two fingers.

But you have to promise

But you should never talk to a woman like that,

But you wanted to win,

But you will regain motor functions momentarily.

But you're not dead, either.

But you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

But, honey... Oh!

But, like studying a frozen caveman,

But, uh, Mr. Gerson is out with, uh, rickets.

But...

By a less than lethal weapon.

By the way, you're not even in your own circle right now.

Bye, Dr. Roz. You're a lifesaver.

C I what?

Can be stimulated through the ears.

Can I ¡nterest you in a little vodka?

Can I have everybody's attention, please?

Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.

Can we just let it go, please?

Can we work this out or not?

Can you believe

Can you believe it's been 15 years?

Can you close the cell door?

Can't you be Sam the carpet cleaning man?

Captain Jack's orders.

Celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

Champagne, sir?

Champagne?

Check it out.

Checking on the clinic they opened during their honeymoon.

Chocolate cake. Qood boy.

Climate controlled motor coach.

Come here, hot stuff.

Come here.

Come here. Come here. Oh, I missed you.

Come on,

Come on, come on, let's play!

Come on, dig in. Come on. Get it while it's hot.

Come on, give that kid a hand.

Come on, honey, I knew it the minute I saw her.

Come on, honey. How often do we get to be grandparents?

Come on, huddle up.

Come on, I'm gonna get some whipped cream

Come on, Jack, it'll be fun, we'll swap wives.

Come on, Jack. You're family.

Come on, let me work out the kinks.

Come on, let's conga.

Come on, let's give it up to Gay.

Come on, let's put this family back together.

Come on, man, you know

Come on, tell us how you popped your cherry. Come on.

Come on, this way!

Come on, we should be celebrating.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Keep going.

Come on. I want to introduce you to somebody.

Come up here, Jorge. Come up here.

Congratulations, Jacko.

Cover your nose. You're terrifying him.

Cowboy hat is off the door!

Dad, come on, get up.

Dad, come on, it's a cop.

Dad, come on.

Dad, Dad, no, no,

Dad, dad, wait a second.

Dad, Greg deals with little kids in the ER all the time.

Dad, he humps everything that moves.

Dad, I told you six months ago

Dad, it's a map of Detroit.

Dad, no.

Dad, that's not natural, that's just weird.

Dad, what are you doing? We never play football.

Dad, you gotta take down that weird shrine thing.

Dad!

Dad!

Dad.

Dad.

Dad. Dad, you continue the tour.

Daddy, come back, please.

Daddy, I was gonna tell you after the wedding, I swear.

Daddy, please. Daddy, where are you going?

Daddy, what is this thing?

Daddy, would you mind...

Daddy?

Daddy.

Debbie's breast might might actually feel like.

Did he say what I am thinking?

Did you have a nice conversation

Did you meet his kids, Randy and Horny?

Did you order the Tom Collins, sir?

Did you plan this?

Dina, come on, let's go.

Dina, I'm a sex therapist,

Dina!

Discussing that with you, Bernard.

Do me a favor.

Do we miss our flight or...

Do whatever it takes.

Do you know that? Yes, I know that.

Do you like fishes?

Do you mind if I put some foam down on your rug?

Does indeed join my family circle,

Does she still climax regularly?

Does that Jorge resemble anyone you know?

Doin' a little show for you.

Dom.

Don't break him down. Just let him be.

Don't do it!

Don't shush me, I'm a lawyer.

Don't tell him, okay?

Don't tell me you kept his umbilical cord.

Don't they have height requirements?

Don't worry about it, Greg.

Don't worry, he'll get us out of this.

Don't worry, you'll get her back after the game.

Don't worry, your rental insurance should take care of it.

Don't worry. I'll be discreet. I put all my toys away.

Don't worry. Moses is more of a lover than a fighter.

Don't you think?

Don't you think?

Don't you worry, baby.

Don't. don't, Dad, he said to remain in the vehicle.

Down here, Greg.

Dr. Monroe said no aggravating your sciatica.

Dr. Roz saved my marriage.

Duck hunting? Me and you?

Duck hunting? Yeah. Mmm hmm.

Eating chimichangas and working out their issues.

El Stiffo was really starting to freak me out.

Encantada.

Enjoy.

Enjoying the moment.

Every pleasure in the body

Every time either.

Everybody just stop, okay?

Everybody poops. Sometimes it hurts.

Everybody take a look. See his face.

Everybody! All right. Everybody just...

Everyone look at how lra's doing it.

Everything's going to be fine, all right?

Ew.

Excuse me.

Exposed his weakness. Okay, okay. On four?

Fake the short pass, then hit me here

Feeding him chocolates, too.

Finally.

Fine, we'll play three on two.

Fine, where've you been?

Flapjack!

Focker out.

Focker, you've been covering this up from the very beginning.

Focker!

Focker! Focker!

Focker. He's absorbing you like a sponge.

Footy ball?

For all your spy activities?

For anyone with osteoporosis, gout or goiter.

For the baby.

For you know who over there.

For you two lovebirds.

Forget your dog. What about my toilet?

Fortunately, she pumped for a week

Forward and backward.

Four.

Foxtrot One out.

Free and wild.

Friends? What's that?

Friendship?

From his first trip to the barbershop.

From your psycho Qrandpa Jack.

Funny dinner, huh?

Gay goes both ways.

Gay had a monster crush on her when he was a teenager.

Gay, be back in a second.

Gay, you went duck hunting with with Jack?

Gay, you're just in time to hear me tell the gang

Gaylord Myron Focker.

Gee, I'm sorry,

Genius.

Get down, Little Jack. Get funky.

Get out of here.

Get out of the way!

Getting to know them.

Give it up to him.

Give me some love.

Glad you could make it, Jorge.

Go get her, tiger.

God! Look at you, you're glowing!

Going to the airport?

Good enough.

Good evening, miss.

Good for you.

Good genes, the Byrnes gene pool.

Good idea.

Good night, Greg.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Good, 'cause I'd like to invite you to a party.

Good, Roz.

Good.

Goose bumps. She loves it.

Gosh, it's not even our anniversary.

Great.

Greg is completely unfit to handle a child.

Greg just said, "That's it." So I feel much better now.

Greg will not drop you, okay?

Greg, a man reaches a certain age

Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.

Greg, honey, that was in the past.

Greg, how did this happen?

Greg, I am sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Greg, Jorge is not your son.

Greg, this is Jorge Villalobos.

Greg, wait, okay?

Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

Greg?

Greg.

Greg.

Greg.

Greg. Hi. Hey.

Greg. Yeah?

Greg...

Greg's tiny little turtle from its shell.

Greggy practically slept in our bed till he was 10.

Guess who's here?

Guys, come on, come on, cut it out.

Guys, where are you going?

Guys, you have to lie across the Liberator pad

Guys!

Ha, Focker.

Halt.

Halt.

Has Greg ever mentioned the name Jorge to you? Jor

Have a seat.

Have you ever known me to turn down a chimi?

Having a good time?

Having the, uh, wedding in October,

Having this conversation with you.

He and I went duck hunting together. Didn't we, Greg? Hmm?

He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date.

He didn't have to say anything.

He has a mind like a sponge.

He has a very keen sense for people, Greg.

He has no connection to Greg whatsoever.

He has wonderful parental instincts.

He hasn't spoken to anyone since last night.

He knows what that is. Yeah.

He let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface,

He lives to sniff out stuff like this.

He said definitely don't do it

He said he wanted to see the RV.

He seems very uptight.

He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.

He slept in the RV.

He spent eight months in lsrael on a kibbutz,

He spoke.

He still thinks his daughter is still a virgin.

He thinks it was a cheap shot.

He was into all that macho wacho crap.

He was really upset

He was squeezing all afternoon.

He won a trial or two in his day.

He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.

He's a chip off the old block, huh?

He's a handsome kid, huh?

He's always dreamt of me having a white wedding.

He's beating you down the field every time.

He's bleeding. He's bleeding, Daddy.

He's fine, Greg. He's asleep.

He's fine.

He's got a rubber booby.

He's had us trying to impress you,

He's learning to self soothe,

He's learning to self soothe.

He's mine.

He's my champion.

He's neglected his own son for 15 years.

He's not fine. If he could use his hands, he'd tell you himself.

He's not gonna find out because we're not going to tell him.

He's right. It has been good.

He's so adorable. I could eat him up.

He's so excited about being a grandpa.

He's taunting me.

He's very special, this one.

Hello, Greg.

Hello, Greg.

Hello, Jorge?

Hello, my precious.

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello! We're home! Hey, guys.

Hello.

Hello. Oh! Hello.

Helpful and and

Her boobs are bigger. She's hormonal.

Here we go again, Dad.

Hey there, Jinxy. How you doing?

Hey there, preggers.

Hey, baby.

Hey, Bernie.

Hey, Dad, don't don't don't infantilize him.

Hey, do you guys want some more, uh, wine?

Hey, Gaylord!

Hey, guys,

Hey, guys, uh, it's me.

Hey, hey, you.

Hey, honey.

Hey, how did your dad react to the pregnancy news?

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, I got an idea.

Hey, I need that doctor right now.

Hey, I think I can get Judge lra to marry you guys.

Hey, Jack, I didn't even know he existed.

Hey, Jack, you okay?

Hey, Jack.

Hey, Jack. Hey, where are you calling from?

Hey, listen, don't let Moses go in there. They have a cat.

Hey, listen, sweetie, did you tell your mother I'm pregnant?

Hey, Little Jack, I got a surprise for you.

Hey, look at me, Jack, what am l?

Hey, Moses, go ahead,

Hey, sweetie. How was your shift?

Hey, there.

Hey, this is incredible.

Hey, why is Little Jack here?

Hey, you did good, Greg.

Hey, you know who else is great?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Anybody want to get a drink by the lagoon?

Hey! Jack?

Hey! There's my brother from another mother.

Hey! This is, uh, Dina and Jack Byrnes.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. This is Greg.

Hey. Hey. You're a winner up here and in here.

Hey. Sweetie.

Hey. What?

Hi, baby. Hey.

Hi, guys, it's me.

Hi, I'm Roz Focker

Hi, It's me. How's it going with the little one?

Hi, Jack.

Hi, Jack.

Hi, Little Jack.

Hi, Little Jack. Okay.

Hi, lsabel.

Hi.

Hi. Honey, would you take this to your mother?

High powered?

His communication skills aren't verbal yet,

His first word?

His hands are stuck to the bottle of rum.

His job was very stressful.

His legacy.

His mind will be far less capable

His name is Rusty Bridges.

Hit some driftwood.

Hmm mmm.

Hmm mmm.

Hmm mmm. Okay.

Hmm? Fun bolts. No, not very fun.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Sure, sweetheart.

Hmm. Yeah, it's nice.

Hold on.

Holy shit!

Hon, put the hat back on the door, okay?

Honey (Bernie) I can't.

Honey, are you all right?

Honey, come on, you could say he had the hardest job.

Honey, get yourself over here.

Honey, half the people at this table have penises.

Honey, he's like his father.

Honey, I love details.

Honey, I said a thimble, not a bottle.

Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga.

Honey, I'm just saying

Honey, look at all your awards.

Honey, stop. We're having fun.

Honey, they're leaving. The Byrneses won't know they were here.

Honey, this weekend is gonna be fine.

Honey, we're in a covert operation.

Honey, we're on a very precise schedule.

Honey, what? Come on, you're hot.

Honey, what? I'm sorry.

Honey, you feel thin. No, no.

Honey, you need to hold him, and kiss him,

Honey, you okay? Are you sure?

Honey, you promised

Honey, you want a chimichanga?

Honey, you want me to keep you company?

Honey, your father thought

Honey.

Honey.

Honey. What? What?

Hope you got the message. There's been a little change of plans.

Horribly. He's crying and screaming, and cursing.

How a man handles himself on the football field

How about a cappuccino?

How are things with you and Pam?

How are you, baby girl?

How are you, Little Jack?

How could I keep it a secret?

How could you not see it?

How did it happen?

How do you mean?

How shall I say, intimate contact.

How you lost your virginity to lsabel.

How?

How?

How're you doin'?

How're you doing?

How's that for a sign?

Huh?

Huh?

Hut one, hut two, hike!

Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four. Hike!

I already have a minister in mind.

I also was curious about the advice you gave Judge lra.

I always wanted a spring wedding, you know.

I am a frozen caveman.

I am not hurting him. I am helping him.

I am so excited and thrilled for you.

I am the Co Captain. So, I think that falls

I am watching you.

I am watching you.

I am working on it.

I appreciate that, Jack.

I beg your pardon.

I better stay here.

I burn cornflakes.

I call it the Mannary Gland.

I can I can see how soft it is from here.

I can feel it.

I can make a sign to you, too.

I can see the head!

I can't even fry an egg.

I can't have a chink in my chain.

I can't talk to you.

I can't tell you that.

I can't wait to hear this.

I can't win with this kid.

I caught the ball!

I caught the ball.

I conceived him with one testicle?

I could do that.

I could just snap.

I created a life like latex left breast

I delivered my first baby.

I did, in fact, lose my virginity

I didn't ask you to turn it into a blood sport.

I didn't have any monster crush.

I didn't raise you to be a so so lover.

I didn't say we weren't intimate.

I didn't sleep in their bed all that time.

I do. Jack Tiberius Byrnes.

I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins.

I don't even know what she's thinking.

I don't even remember drinking.

I don't know what he said, but

I don't know what that means, but thank you.

I don't know what you're talking about. No, why?

I don't know why people think they're fun.

I don't like your little red outfit.

I don't mind at all.

I don't mind pain. I learn from pain.

I don't think he needs it.

I don't think you should move just yet.

I don't want the first word out of his mouth

I don't, but Jack is really into winning

I don't, I think, I don't think it ever came up on my end.

I don't... Did l... I did... I don't...

I feel so happy.

I gave her a little matinee today

I get it. Okay?

I got a guy who can fix your RV.

I got it. What?

I got to get my dog!

I had a boob job. Wow.

I had a comparative DNA analysis done last night.

I had it made from an exact cast

I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.

I had some thoughts about the wedding date.

I have a 15 year old son.

I have some unfinished business to take care of.

I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.

I haven't seen my bubeleh in months.

I hope that's true.

I just l...

I just hate the idea of keeping secrets from your dad.

I just have to say I underestimated you.

I just wanna lather them up with soap and just...

I just wanna talk to you for one second.

I just wanted it to be a fun game

I kick kicked you because you're being modest

I knew those weren't yoga mats.

I knew you were there all along. I wasjust, uh,

I know exactly what I'm doing, so just trust me,

I know he's mad,

I know how that sounds,

I know how to handle the local cops.

I know my civil rights now.

I know that you are studying my family like the frozen caveman.

I know we aren't supposed to watch TV

I know we've been talking about a a fall wedding...

I know what this means.

I know you're not supposed to have this.

I know, Dad.

I know, I know, but it's their choice.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. Just give me a second.

I know. Lot of information.

I know. Okay, what is he doing?

I know. That's what I was saying.

I left a message yesterday. We were driving