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Home > Prank Call Sounds: Mr. Garrison...
NSFW Audio: Use caution, some sounds may be offensive
A haiku is just like a normal american poem except that it doesn't rhyme and it totally stupid
Admin at no you have to stop lying to yourself and getting alright alright I admit it i'm tired
Al for christ sake sure I can like a bunch of kids
All right children let's just try to pretend there is in a little boy in a huge plastic hamster ball here and go on with our studies
All right children today we're going to learn about human reproduction what do you think about that
Alright going back we got you good thing you guys came this little boy was trying to have his way with maine nice try buddy we monitored your little online chat now you're coming with us now
Alright have your way with me if you must go on for failure sick pleasures
And as rebecca 's naked body label for her diana couldn't help but feel arouse go on rebecca said softly touch main diana leaned down slowly and brushed rebeccas bare stomach with her fingertips it...
And can we do a little better than creamed corn creamed corn and cream corn please bring in more diverse boot children or else kenny family is going to have a pretty corny thanksgiving
And can't be he's kept me rise
And so children that's why hari krishnas are totally gay
And some children instead of saying hand in your papers I may now say hand in your shit
And the award for worst costume this year goes to stand for his stupid little clown saying cost him let's all pointed standing laugh children
And where are you from damien oh that's exciting my mother was from alabama
Arkansa is where I grew up my parents live there might
As I was saying you all seem to enjoy the show even though it isn't based in reality there's much more to life than two young men farting on each other throughout history there have always been sho...
Because you never know the right answer but for brains yes mark
Boy did we get road
Boys I have an announcement to make i'm not going to be your teacher anymore i've become a bestselling author and kyle I want you to have a signed copy as a get well praise him
But thank you mister hand
But that's OK remember there are no stupid questions just stupid people
Chevy tempura
Chili dog mem
Come on you little bitch
Damn damn sam oh well I guess we'll just have to be you and me miss carmen
Damn I guess i'm not the only person in america who thought of killing kathy lee gifford
Did you know that not one of your students knew who sam adams was well who cares about a guy that makes beer jesus christ i'm trying to teach history
Did you think I would just take you back like you can just walk out and then come back like nothing happened
Do you love him it doesn't matter he left main do you love him
Don't apologize for me to that spear checker
Don't look at me all god your bastard trevor don't look at may
Donkey punch uh huh
Eric cartmen you say excuse maine
Eric do you need to sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control
First of all who can tell me what year the founding fathers got together let's see how about
Fish a good jennie
For example where there at carmen no i'm asking why eric carmen isn't at school
For the last time my name is not garrison sign alright and this is not fat saw and you all better start talking in a manner that I can understand
Freaking fagg you want to make out or something
Glass bottom boat good one yes
Great party mister mackie mister had just grab principle victoria sad no mister how you get back
Guess we'll have to take your seat kyle
Haha pile driver position good quake
Hang in there
Hey
Hey guess what everybody i'm guy amas gayaza gymnos on shore leave
Hey i'm supposed to be anonymous
Hey there mister muslim merry fucking christmas put down that book the koran and hear some holiday wishes
Hey watch it bag
Hi I know it's a certain young man whose edges for detention chat
Hi there eric you wanna be my friend pokerap
Highway that doesn't count as our question does it
Holy poop on a stick
Hot lunch yeah she likes that
How about a nice buck in the aid sound good
How mister hey I hate this I wish i'd never had a nose job
How well stanley I guess you came to the right person sit down
How would you like to go see the school counselor
Hurry up children let's take our seats you better have done your homework last night tammy what's this I know from the principle please excuse timmy from all questions at all homework as he has bee...
I am not gay
I brought you some more juice mister twig are you feeling any better I don't know who would want to hurt you like this but I promise nobody will ever hurt you again ever
I called you a fag because i'm gay and that means i'm free to use the word fag
I can food drive is when we collect canned food for poor people who can't afford to eat on thanksgiving you need like any exactly
I can't help it i'm a womanizer sometimes I know but I just think that taking a woman home and getting some hot poon is about the greatest thing in the world
I don't know how did you ask mister hat
I don't need mister hands mister hat is just a puppy mister hat isn't real
I have to admit i'm still embarrassed about getting a nose job tom I didn't want people at school to know so I told him I had herpes
I haven't seen my father for twenty three years
I need some help over here please help I think he's got third degree burn give the child to me
I sure hope that i'm not eric cartmans father mister hat you could say that again mister garrison
I told you never to say his name in my present
I used to be the third grade teacher but I had a little nervous breakdown and went into the mountains where I lived off of rat carcasses
I'm a lady killer mister hat you could say that again mister kerosene
I'm gay
I'm not going mister hat and that's final let's just see you trying go without maine
If it was to save my mother 's life I think I would have to have sex with my father
Is there somewhere in town where I can get a good clear shot our view of calculate
It just so happens that mister swag is far more stable than mister hat could ever be so he is a matter puppet
Just the sight of those breasts made reginald penis very hard his penis was a considerable size and now beads of sweat ran slowly down his penis making it glisten like a strong swimmer fresh from o...
Kenny would you please climb that ladder and takedown the star above the stage and be careful not to fall in that little pool below you kenny the shark for the third act is in there
Kind of mccormick you speak when you're spoken to
Laser higher
Like sailors on a submarine
Look it's all about context well for example recently I have come out and admitted that I was a homosexual i'm gay that means that now I can say the word fag
Luther did you hear that mister hat I sure did mister garrison what a retard
Me a star garrison last weeks charges of attempting to solicit sex from a minor
Missionary position good little boring but tried and true what else
Mister hat what do you think you're doing there's another clan rally tonight I have to be there in fifteen minutes
Mister hat you need to admit you have a drinking problem another cosmo please
Mister twig
No eric that's not what i'm talking about
No good ones sherlock you figured that out all by yourself
No no mister hat is white power white power you're such a racist bastard mister hat
No no you moron mister garrison can't let the memories and just leave it alone you could lose your head you need to let me talk to mister gore some good why would he want to talk to a second rate d...
Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil corn band showed up
Now children nancy sinatra was quite a choice piece of ass
Now children we have a new student joining us today please say hi to officer barbrady
Now come on honestly who here has never had sex with mrs cartmen
Now does anybody know what sexual harassment means
Now does anyone know why chubby checker left the beatles in nineteen seventy two
Now get your ass back on first class and respect this class is right to make up their own minds
Now god damn it is a tank
Now let's talk about what we're thankful for OK that's what mister big shot hollywood is here for
Now pay attention or at i'm going to show you the proper way to put on a condom first of all you remove the condom from its package then you find which way the condom rolls out
Now we can do finger paints you can't want to get her base has
Now we must find a safe place for it i'll keep it at my house no garrison you'll just try to have sex with it one
Now we're going to try this again until we get it right what is six times three
Now you can tell me what famous person wrote the declaration of independence let's say oh I know how about the new students timmy
Oh beer here stanley sit down have some cocoa and tell your friend mister had all about it i'm afraid mister hen it's dan you can tell me anything now who hates you is it your father or your mother
Oh boy I can't wait for our first charlie so I can get me some second poontang
Oh god you're not going to lay that hanukkah crap on me are you
Oh i'm sorry chef mister had is a racist son of a bitch
Oh i'm through with mister hat he's a two timing whore from now on children you're all going to be learning from mister twig that's right children i'll see you in the fall
Oh jesus tap dancing crack
Oh my god what is that thing shopping there some his fault his monstrosity heading for the classroom
Oh then I guess you get a nap
OK charge so what other sexual positions if we talk about
OK children I have some very exciting news for you why don't you tell them mister twig about try mister garrisons the first annual south park film festival begins today
OK children I want to review the different sexual positions who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about
OK children let's settle down haha I mean it I want quiet my god mister heavy children so boring on redland
OK children we have a new student joining us today from home school now his parents are very worried about his safety so please don't be too cruel to him
OK kyle we're ready to see your science project
OK mister hat why don't we talk to the children about columbus 's uterus mister hat
OK now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard
OK now you little chewbacca 's take her seats
Prank Call Sounds: Mr. Garrison - Southpark Soundboard Sound
Right about what you love what do you love most besides teaching years
Say hi to damian
Say that's what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan
So pick up your fagg shitter
Take me pervert
Tell her no mister head I won't do it
Tell me to do not know your homework
Thank you.
That sucks balls
That will be wonderful won't miss her hat or
That's good just use those mouth muscles like the girls in beijing
That's right
That's right doggy style we went over
The bitch must die
The school year is over but summer vacation doesn't start for you little bastards until mister had his back on my desk
The second place award for best costume goes to kenny for his edward james almost costume
This is driving me crazy I can't handle you little bastards bank so mellow
Uh let's say diana 's nipples writers block writers block crap i'm stuck oh well maybe that's enough writing for tonight mister hat
Uh-huh reverse cowgirl good kevin
Vaginas and penises but six
Wait to see that time over to see the anyway that was our god to him father
We can still get hard
Well call no no no no by mister hot near your not heard you hear maine you gotta help
Well damn it after you have some smart ass thing to say
Well he is a little ass sucker
Well I can tell you that i'm one hundred percent not gay
Well I thought it was mostly women the reid they say well women want to read about dingdong you think women care about the details of female anatomy hell no we want to read about big powerful songs
Well I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids
Well i'm bringing home some eric roberts in a doggy bag is anybody else wants him
Well spank my ass and call me charlie isn't this exciting two eight plus students in a cloning more gave mister garrison genetic engineering let's us correct gods horrible horrible mistakes like ge...
Well they can't use fag because he can't say fag and less you're a homosexual
Well too bad you're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it
Well well well guess we learned something new about you jimbo you
Well whatever
Well your mom 's are just upset they're probably all in their periods or something missing as an indian I think that was a sexist statement well i'm sorry wendy but I just don't trust anything that...
What
What are you all looking at this is between me and mister hand this over mister garrison this is it we've had enough what do you mean by befriended some big house for you protag watt jail
What did you say
What do you want I want you to not fight me anymore to accept me once and for all why don't you see all these years you're paying your confusion it comes from one place your denial of who you are o...
What the hell are you talking about I never sexually abused you I now I want to know why not watch was it that I was ugly oh my god I wasn't good enough for you with that it dad no sarah you could ...
What the hell is that
Who should we have go first mister hat let's see eric why don't you go first what's the matter air if you're not prepared again
Who stood by and let it happen you son come home drunk and then just go right this late face his mother he never abused maine what's going on mother won't hear the truth
Who's next to take a shower man philly where can I hide this big pile
Wow it's a black blizzard
Wow that's it that's the knows I won't
Wrong try again dumb ass
Yeah if you can give your partner the old hot car all sure
Yeah the wraparound bud grab sure can't forget that
Yeah yeah yeah we've heard that crap for about two thousand years now we want to hear something new is the year two thousand for christ sake
Yes good for you remember the filthy sanchez
Yes there was my uncle richard he he molested me when was good saturday last last saturday he's a paraplegic but it
You don't count happy you don't have any legs
You lost bellmore don't be such a baby alright alright i'll count of the ballots again
You talking to me I don't see anybody else around here see you must be talking to me
'cause if these people find out you didn't really write that paper and I actually do get fired then mister hands going to do horrible things to you not that mister hat that's really horrible anyway...