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Home > John Candy Soundboard
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
And if they told you wolverines would make good house pets would you believe them
Beats walking huh
Do you have any idea how glad I am I didn't kill you do you have any idea how glad i'd be if you had
He says we're going the wrong way oh he's drunk how would he know where we're going yeah how would he know
How fast are you going I can't tell the speedometer's melted
I am without a doubt the biggest pain in the butt that ever came down the pike
I could be a cold hearted cynic like you but I don't like to hurt people's feelings
I got a motto like your work love your wife
I had no idea those beer cans were gonna blow like that you left them on a vibrating bed what did you think was gonna happen
I meet someone whose company I really enjoy and what do I do I go overboard I smother the poor soul I cause him more trouble than he has a right to
In chicago no sheboygan very big in sheboygan they loved it you know
Look i'm not going to be held responsible for faulty engineering
Love is not a big enough word it's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife
Me i'm going back to jamaica jamaica man go to jamaica have some rum man dig it iree iree man
Oh and hostile too nice personality combination hostile and intolerant that's borderline criminal
Oh there you go that's pretty good we're saving money already we're a pretty good team
Our speedometer's melted and as a result it's very hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going
Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in chicago
That's the understatement of the year
The last thing I want to be remembered is as an annoying blabbermouth
We were robbed do you think so
What are you doing I almost crushed your head like a melon
What is unique latin for asshole
Where's your other hand between two pillows those aren't pillows!
Yeah you're right I talk too much I also listen too much
You ever travel by bus before your mood's probably not going to improve much
You have no functioning gauges no not a one however the radio still works
You know something it makes you look a little older too I mean not just a little bit you could pass for 18 or 19
You know you could've killed me slugging me in the gut when I wasn't ready that's how houdini died you know
You missed it i'm sorry those those are the precious moments too they don't come back again
You play with your balls a lot
You want to hurt me go right ahead if it makes you feel any better i'm an easy target
You'd have more of a better chance to find a three legged ballerina than you would a hotel room