John Candy Soundboard Edit

And if they told you wolverines would make good house pets would you believe them

Beats walking huh

Do you have any idea how glad I am I didn't kill you do you have any idea how glad i'd be if you had

He says we're going the wrong way oh he's drunk how would he know where we're going yeah how would he know

How fast are you going I can't tell the speedometer's melted

I am without a doubt the biggest pain in the butt that ever came down the pike

I could be a cold hearted cynic like you but I don't like to hurt people's feelings

I got a motto like your work love your wife

I had no idea those beer cans were gonna blow like that you left them on a vibrating bed what did you think was gonna happen

I meet someone whose company I really enjoy and what do I do I go overboard I smother the poor soul I cause him more trouble than he has a right to

In chicago no sheboygan very big in sheboygan they loved it you know

Look i'm not going to be held responsible for faulty engineering

Love is not a big enough word it's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife

Me i'm going back to jamaica jamaica man go to jamaica have some rum man dig it iree iree man

Oh and hostile too nice personality combination hostile and intolerant that's borderline criminal

Oh there you go that's pretty good we're saving money already we're a pretty good team

Our speedometer's melted and as a result it's very hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going

Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in chicago

That's the understatement of the year

The last thing I want to be remembered is as an annoying blabbermouth

We were robbed do you think so

What are you doing I almost crushed your head like a melon

What is unique latin for asshole

Where's your other hand between two pillows those aren't pillows!

Yeah you're right I talk too much I also listen too much

You ever travel by bus before your mood's probably not going to improve much

You have no functioning gauges no not a one however the radio still works

You know something it makes you look a little older too I mean not just a little bit you could pass for 18 or 19

You know you could've killed me slugging me in the gut when I wasn't ready that's how houdini died you know

You missed it i'm sorry those those are the precious moments too they don't come back again

You play with your balls a lot

You want to hurt me go right ahead if it makes you feel any better i'm an easy target

You'd have more of a better chance to find a three legged ballerina than you would a hotel room