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Home > Ted Bear Soundboard
NSFW Audio: Use caution, some sounds may be offensive
And jesus be with you in christ
And not only that it's the wrong time it's a terrible idea I mean you got the economy you got the credit bubble the supreme court I mean look at haiti
Are you out here all alone uh no no i'm not you know you're never alone when you're with christ so no i'm not alone
But will you take care of me forever and ever
Can you just email me the rest of this story
Company's turning 20 huh so you can bang it but you can't get it drunk right yeah she gets it she enjoys my humor
Did you ever hear a boston girl have an orgasm 'oh yeah oh yeah! harder! harder!'
Fuck you thunder you can suck my dick you can't get me thunder 'cause you're just god's farts
God johnny I got so much energy we better start doing stupid shit
Hey lori can you set the alarm for 11 00 a m i've got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow
Hey! play chopsticks you jazzy slut
How are the neighbors you know there's an asian family living next door but they don't have a gong or nothing so it's not too bad
I didn't know you had a baby is it alive
I don't have to i'm a fucking teddy bear
I fucked her with a parsnip last week and I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children
I have so much teddy bear paperwork I have to get to it is sick
I hear the fat kid running I hear the fat kid running I bet it's hilarious
I love you!
I love you! (2)
I married the wrong woman and now I lead a life of regret
I thought you were going to be funnier
I'll tell you what I got your wife's pussy on my breath
I'm just kidding you I thought it would be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded
If you can punch through this wall you really are flash gordon
Is it a hugging gun
Jesus this is weak it's not even getting me high I got to have a talk with my weed guy
John flash gordon was the most important influence of our formative years
Listen to yourself what am I emperor ming here controlling your mind that's your choice john
Look that was a tough night for all of us
Maybe no to a snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt
My god america is imploding
No no and it kills me to have to tell you no because i'm a people pleaser
Oh god that was so good! now i'm going to stuff my fucking face with pepperidge farm!
Oh turkey burgers! are we having homosexuals over for dinner tonight
Okay all right so that's where we'll draw the line
See the fact that you have to say they're not that bad means that they are that bad
See there proof garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits
Show us how flash
Stick your finger in the loop of my tag
Still better than katy perry
This is how the cast of diff'rent strokes feels all day every day just awful they must feel awful the live ones must feel awful
Thunder buddies for life right johnny fucking right all right come on let's sing the thunder song all right
Well you never should have trusted me i'm on drugs
What is it it's called mind **** it's actually pretty mellow
Where's my ring motherfucker put it on my fuzzy finger you fuck! come on!
Who was that guy that was sinead o'connor she don't look so good no more
Yeah and the guy said it ain't hardly had no murders in it so that's good
Yeah i'm guessing you guys don't have a ps3 i'm guessing you're more of a wooden horse with a wig kind of family
Yeah very cute do you know what i'd like to do to her something I call a dirty fozzie
You and me have been together for 27 years where's my ring where's my ring asshole
You don't think she's going to be expecting something big do you what like anal no like a fucking circular gold thing on her finger
You got a lot of problems don't you
You kind of just reworded my joke but uh ha ha ha
You know I have written so many angry letters to hasbro about that
You know this place looks great thanks man it's all ikea did the whole place for 47 dollars