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Home > Ted 2 (2015)(sub)
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Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

Ted 2 is a hilarious and heartwarming comedy film released in 2015, directed by Seth MacFarlane. The movie is a sequel to the immensely popular film Ted, which introduced us to the foul-mouthed and lovable teddy bear, Ted. Once again, MacFarlane brings his unique brand of humor to the screen, and this time, with even more outrageous antics.

The film features an incredible cast, with Mark Wahlberg reprising his role as John Bennett, the best friend and owner of Ted. Amanda Seyfried joins the cast as Samantha Jackson, a young lawyer who assists Ted in his legal battles. And of course, there's Ted, voiced by Seth MacFarlane himself, who steals the show with his quick wit and sarcastic remarks.

In Ted 2, the story picks up a few years after the events of the first film. Ted, who was magically brought to life by a childhood wish, is now married to his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (played by Jessica Barth). However, their marriage hits a snag when the government refuses to recognize Ted as a person and declares him property. This poses a major problem for the couple, as they want to have a baby, but legally, only humans can have children.

Determined to prove his personhood, Ted enlists the help of John and Samantha to fight his case in court. They embark on a hilarious and audacious adventure that takes them all the way to New York City, where they encounter numerous obstacles, including an overzealous government agent played by Giovanni Ribisi.

Along the way, the film explores themes of acceptance, friendship, and identity. Ted, despite being a talking teddy bear, faces the same struggles as any individual who struggles to be recognized for who they are. This underlying message gives the film a heartwarming touch amidst all the laughs.

With Seth MacFarlane's trademark humor, Ted 2 is filled with rapid-fire jokes, pop culture references, and outrageous situations. From the opening moments, it's clear that this film does not hold back, embracing its R-rating with crude and irreverent humor. The script is filled with sharp and witty dialogue, making it a laugh-out-loud experience for viewers.

Additionally, the film cleverly nods to various iconic movies, such as Jurassic Park and The Running Man, with references that will delight cinephiles. These references, along with the film's pop culture references, ensure that there's something for everyone to enjoy.

The chemistry between Mark Wahlberg and Seth MacFarlane shines in this movie, as they effortlessly bounce off each other, creating a believable and hilarious dynamic between their characters. Amanda Seyfried also delivers a fantastic performance as Samantha Jackson, injecting a fresh energy into the film.

Featuring an incredible soundtrack that captures the essence of the film, Ted 2 boasts songs from various genres and eras. From 80s classics like "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey to modern hits like "Dance the Night Away" by Van Halen, the film's soundtrack adds another layer of enjoyment to the viewing experience. And the best part is, you can play and download these sounds here, immersing yourself in the music that made Ted 2 even more memorable.

In conclusion, Ted 2 is an uproarious and heartwarming comedy that takes the audience on a wild ride. With a stellar cast, witty dialogue, and a hilarious storyline, this film is a must-watch for fans of Seth MacFarlane's unique humor. Whether you're a fan of the first Ted film or just looking for a laugh-out-loud experience, Ted 2 will leave you in stitches and keep you entertained from start to finish.

A baby?
A baby? Like really?
A broken marriage and make it work again?
A ha! What it is, man! Dynomite.
A ha. They "got him."
A hundred and fifty years ago
A little bit. I learned when I was a kid.
A lube or something? A magazine?
A non entity with no rights under the law.
A slave by the name of Dred Scott
A synthetic cotton poly blend.
A talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend,
A whole hallway with our conversation.
About every chick that throws herself at you.
Across the world, fucking Thomas Jefferson.
After all, you know, Ted spent many years
Ah, Ms. Jackson. Do come in.
Ah, rock on, Ted.
Ah, you hear that, Johnny?
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Shit, shit, shit!
Ah! Oh, shit!
Ah.
Ah.
Ah. Oh, we just Google "Boston lawyers."
All right, come in.
All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please!
All right, great.
All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan.
All right, let's do this.
All right, let's go.
All right, Starbucks. Okay, now, who's in the Starbucks?
All right, there, you happy?
All right, two can play this Where's Waldo shit, you son of a bitch!
All right, we've heard from these guys.
All right, yeah, thanks.
All right.
All right. I think I can handle the defense.
All right. I'll shoot him an e mail right now,
All right. Now, let's get rid of this.
All right'? I was just hurting because I knew I'd lost.
An ability to understand complex emotions
And (GASPS) he had a dick! He had an awesome dick!
And a capacity for empathy.
And a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.
And America doesn't give a shit about anything.
And as history has shown us, that wasn’t justice.
And as soon as I'm done fucking myself,
And Brown v. the Board of Education.
And give Sam and Diane here some alone time, eh?
And honest to God,
And I believe that a just court must, by definition,
And I bet you can't even spot him.
And I don't think I ought to be treated any different.
And I have.
And I know who my friends are.
And I own four houses on Baltic Ave.
And I say that's a violation of the Constitution.
And I swear to God, if we lose,
And I tried, you know?
And I would get a more experienced lawyer in return.
And I... I can't believe it's official.
And I'll be back with $200.
And I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out.
And I've hired her on as a junior associate here at the firm.
And if I may inquire,
And if I may inquire,
And if that is not big enough news,
And if that is not big enough news,
And is that enforced by law?
And it seems to me that once the law devalues one kind of life,
And it was one of the best highs I ever had.
And it's all up to him now.
And it's happening again today.
And live from New York, it's Saturday Night! (APPLAUSE)
And lock up minorities for no good legal reason.
And make me come down there, tough guy?
And making them watch Tyler Perry.
And my fucking nose came off.
And my sperm count's a little low.
And not because some of you might laugh
And plus, your baby will be a fucking superhero!
And remember, you're the one
And saving it up for you know who
And say your goodbyes.
And see if I can stop by tonight.
And she's probably still fucking billing us!
And sneak out with the sperm. It'll be easy!
And somebody handed her a bunch of balloons
And soon afterward, they adopted a fine, young baby boy.
And that, in the eyes of the world, I'll always be property.
And that's all that's important.
And that's at rest.
And the Thirteenth Amendment did so many years ago.
And then we're gonna make millions of Teds.
And then you would get a hungry, young attorney
And there is our first impression.
And think how awesome the baby will be.
And this is exactly what you've been doing to the fags!
And unfortunately, the public doesn’t judge by reason.
And vetted your personal histories,
And what is that stuffing made of?
And when I have him, I'll call you with the code phrase.
And when the next conflict comes along,
And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,
And why would we do this?
And will be recognized in the terms set
And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,
And you can't appeal an emotional conviction.
And you get the best lawyer in the world on the defense.
And you guys can do all kinds of drugs together.
And you, my friend, are an oppressed minority.
And you're not a cheater. I mean, I think your balls are perfect.
And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer,
And your air conditioner's making a loud noise
And, uh, I won't be followed?
And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?
And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?
And, um, I'm wondering, what do you think
And,honestly, it's the more serious one.
Anyone who can inspire that kind of love in another person
Apollo Creed Clubber Lang.
Are any of you gonna sit there and tell me
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Are you okay? Johnny, you all right?
Are you still shaking off that hangover from the bachelor party?
Are you submitting?
Are you sure you can get him?
Are you Ted?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Argues that the standards for personhood include self awareness,
Arizona State. Hey, how many times you been fucked on a houseboat?
As far as I'm concerned,
As for complex emotions and the capacity for empathy,
As much as anybody I've ever known.
As one might purchase a baseball glove or a Big Wheel.
Ask me when will the day be
Assisting in the betterment of your race.
At his office in New York.
At least you figured it out early.
At my friend's apartment, if you wanna join .
At one point in your career that would've been enough.
At the fact that I'm representing a teddy bear.
Aware of his own consciousness.
Aware of his own consciousness.
Baby, we're gonna be fine.
Bah, bah, bah!
Bang.
Barn!
Be careful.
Beautiful ceremony.
Because I can't do this no more. It's too much.
Because I've been informed that you're technically...
Because Teddy ain't got no dick.
Because that's where I went to school.
Because the stakes are so significant.
Because they got that little baby keeping them together.
Because we're not really working with much money.
Because we're not really working with much money.
Because you are spiraling out of control here.
Because you said that you could help us.
Because you've been staring at it, and you want it.
Being back in that church again.
Besides,
Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off...
BJs here! Get your BJs! Get your red hot BJs!
BOTH: Whoa!
Bottom line is, insemination is not possible.
Bullshit! You better ask my ancestors.
But do you mind if I ask how old you are?
But I came back five minutes later,
But I need you to go to the waiting area now, please.
But I think what we're probably gonna do is
But I think you'll be impressed with my client.
But I'm going to this after hours thing
But I'm gonna have to let you go.
But if we suddenly decide to share that gift,
But it was a good time for you to vandalize my Chrysler though.
But just stuff it under the seat for now.
But let's make one thing clear.
But not if nobody finds out.
But she was always just trying to change me
But that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up. So, uh...
But that is so fucked up!
But this bear is alive.
But we all know it's an object made of copper and steel.
But we don't know any lawyers. All our friends make sandwiches.
But we're going to the right place.
But we've become such a high profile case,
But you have fun porking Gollum here, while I'm left with shit!
But you know what? Who gives a shit? Right?
But you've just been so bummed out
But, uh, (SIGHS) all we got is Tami's income these days since nobody will hire me.
By the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Came to life back in the mid 80s right here in Boston,
Can you help me get home?
Can't be bad to feel so good
Child World toy store.
Child World toy store. You fucking heard me.
Clockwise rim job. Counterclockwise rim job!
Clubber Lang.
Come here.
Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.
Come on, let's get out of here!
Come on, make some fucking comedy.
Come on, one drink and I promise I won't tell anybody
Come on, put your legs into it.
Come on, read between the lines, Sam. It's "Fuck."
Come on, there's an empty supply room downstairs.
Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. We got to get out of here before the cops show up.
Comic Con fans,
Congratulations, Ted.
Contact Bob Jennings at Javits...
Cookie Crisp in your bum bumzies. I'm sorry. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Could've been a leader, a role model.
Cut the shit.
Deal.
Deserves to be called human.
Did you see which way they went?
Do I have fuck me eyes?
Do you know how devastated I was?
Do you love Tami Lynn?
Do you love your wife?
Do you remember what it is?
Do you understand?
Do you, Tami Lynn McCafferty,
Does it mean we can't have a baby?
Does your dog deserve human rights?
Doing out in the middle of a...
Don't wait too long to be right.
Down that hallway, to the left.
Dress up like we're into this shit and fuck with the nerds.
Dude, have you seen the guys in Boston?
Dude, take a closer look. It's your kid.
Dude, that's fucking awesome! Congratulations!
Eat my pussy! Have some apples!
Eff yeah.
Erection.
Especially that song they sing at the Red Sox games.
Even when you weren't.
Ever heard of any of them?
Every once in a while when he's too hammered.
Everybody always says that about their salad.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Ew. I mean, awesome! (CHUCKLES)
Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
FEMALE NEWSCASTER: Also in the news, a pending court case
FEMALE REPORTER: Ted!
Fine, I got it. Done.
Fine! Fine! Go torture that asshole!
Fine.
For all you've done, all you're doing for us.
For its civil rights ramifications.
For new toy ideas from any and all employees?
For purchasing marijuana in 2003?
For taking time out of their busy schedules
For us to make an actual bong.
Forget it. Now, look, you haven't
Forgive me, that's a normal ovary.
Francis.
Fresh cakes! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Fresh cakes.
Fresh cakes.
Fresh cakes.
Fresh cakes.
Frozen songs during the opening arguments.
Fuck you!
Fuck, okay.
Fuck, that's a big one.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck! Dude, that's somebody's kid!
Fuck! Fuck!
Fulfill their dreams of having children.
Get away from him, you bastard!
Get off me!
Get out of my house!
Get the fuck out of here!
Get your ass up here and kick my ass!
Get your BJs here.
Go away, Teddy.
Go get my Cookie Crisp out of his ass.
Go on.
Go to hell!
God damn it, that underwear had shit on it!
God damn it!
God damn it!
God damn it! What the hell's wrong with you?
God, that sounds fucked up. Listen, I don't wanna die.
Goldner and the board cannot know about this until we have him.
Good eye, good eye.
Good morning. Now...
Good to meet you. John. Nice to meet you.
Good, good.
Good.
Goodbye, John.
Grant basic human rights to all those who deserve them,
GUY: Hey, Ted!
Guy?
Guy?
Hang on. I got to post this on Facebook.
Happy endings can come true for anyone.
Happy guy.
Hasbro can have no connection to this.
Hasbro will be unveiling a brand new line
Hasbro would double its profits overnight.
Hashtag "My amazing summer."
Have some Cookie Crisp. You need something nutritional.
Have you guys at least tried marriage therapy?
Have you seen this?
Having a doll up here on the stand
He could be anywhere. We're not gonna find him.
He doesn't mean that. Please forgive me, I'm sorry.
He got a little wasted, so these two dudes took him out back to sober up.
He just reminds me of when I was a kid.
He lost.
He needs help.
He said he'll meet with us on Friday at 9:00 a.m.
He treated me good!
He'll help us. Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse...
He's a gourmet chef. So he knows how to toss a salad.
He's a sucker for media.
He's a teddy bear on his own in New York, for God's sakes.
He's after me. You got to get over here.
He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch.
He's gonna love it. Go, go, go!
He's my best friend.
He's never lost a case in his life.
He's not cheap,
He's the only guy in the world whose sperm
He's way more of a person than lots of other people.
Hearsay! Briefcase! Bailiff! Disregard!
Hell yeah! You know what we do?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? There's something happening.
Hello? You're dicks.
Hello.
Here it comes. Okay, okay. I'm ready.
Here. Look, it says, "Did you mean black cocks?"
Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack.
Hey, be careful with that, huh.
Hey, check it out. Nerd fight.
Hey, come on.
Hey, congrats, you mofos.
Hey, do you think I could take a picture with you?
Hey, fuck your Chrysler!
Hey, hey! Maybe we get one of them Harrison Ford lawyers
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, I did my community service.
Hey, I remember you from the wedding.
Hey, I'm really sorry! Yeah, me, too.
Hey, if you guys want to bang,
Hey, it must be weird for you guys,
Hey, it's okay. One foot in front of the other.
Hey, Johnny, come on. It's almost 7:00. We got to get up there.
Hey, Johnny, how about a beer, huh?
Hey, Johnny! You did it!
Hey, Johnny.
Hey, Johnny. Johnny.
Hey, listen, I got an idea.
Hey, Rick! It is Ted.
Hey, Rick! It is Ted.
Hey, Sam, how's your boring salad?
Hey, Sam, why do you have a duffel bag that says "Arizona State"?
Hey, Sam, you want in on this?
Hey, so, uh, listen, I got, uh...
Hey, Ted, let me ask you something.
Hey, Ted! Come on! I'm sorry.
Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick.
Hey, thunder buddies for life, remember?
Hey, watch that floor. Comes up fast, man.
Hey, we just ran into your buddy Ted.
Hey, we've been fighting right alongside you the whole way.
Hey, what the hell you doing walking around dressed like Star Wars?
Hey, what's going on'? What are you doing here?
Hey, what's the deal here? You guys ever gonna make out or what?
Hey, when I'm done here, how about a drink?
Hey, you go pull a bad back, bitch!
Hey, you know, maybe someday, if you wish hard enough,
Hey, you shut the fuck up!
Hey, you were always real to me, buddy.
Hey,Bennett!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Must be the money
Hey! Um, are you, uh, Tom Brady?
Hey! What the hell!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. I just got off work and heard your message.
Hey. Ted!
Hey. You didn't let us down, Sam. You did your best.
Hi, I'm calling for Patrick Meighan. This is Samantha Jackson.
Hi, Mr. Meighan. Thank you so much for taking my call.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear run through here?
Hi. How is he? Is he gonna come out of it?
High five.
His name's "Fuck Scott Fitzgerald"?
Hmm.
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit! Donny!
Holy shit! Dude, what's the matter? What happened?
Holy shit! Hey, Ted!
Holy shit! Johnny!
Holy shit! Perfect spiral!
Holy Shit! You?
Holy shit! Zombie! He's a fucking zombie!
Honest to God, Joy, I don't know how to fix this.
Honestly, I don't know.
How about a location? Let's go with a location.
How about this? I'm gonna go check out the barn
How about, "in a relationship with John Bennett"?
How am I supposed to explain that to everybody?
How are you feeling, John?
How come you don't have a guy?
How far away does he live?
How soon before it devalues another?
How the hell did it fall?
How would you categorize your relationship with Ted?
How you doing?
Huh?
I acted like an asshole.
I agree. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
I am gonna come up there and I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!
I am not an animal!
I am Samantha Jackson.
I am. That's me, yeah.
I can make this company a billion dollars.
I can never get a signal in your apartment. Hey, can I use your laptop?
I can't legally keep you on as an employee
I can't see shit in there.
I certainly do.
I completely agree.
I could assign her to your case, pro Bono.
I could find some happiness
I defended Ted Clubber Lang in Ted v. Massachusetts.
I didn't think you had any left.
I do.
I don't care what any fucking piece of paper says. You're my wife.
I don't have a driver's license, I don't pay taxes.
I don't have any papers or nothing.
I don't know exactly what makes a person a person.
I don't know how my life works without you.
I don't know what kind of mojo was in
I don't know what to say.
I don't know, man. I got to do something
I don't know, Ms. Jackson. We've done everything we can
I don't know, Teddy. Somethings got to change, you know?
I don't know!
I don't know. But it's gonna be okay.
I don't talk to pretty girls that often. Pretty women, ladies.
I don't think he should want to be considered a person.
I don't think he should want to be considered a person.
I don't understand. We would have made such great parents.
I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.
I don't want to jinx it, but I think so.
I don't want to waste too much of your time.
I don't want to. I don't have to.
I feel like he might take it pro Bono.
I feel terrible.
I finally meet someone and you're giving me shit for it?
I get migraines.
I got Kramer vs. Kramer, Alien vs. Predator, and Freddy vs. Jason.
I got no job, no marriage and no life!
I got some big news to tell ya.
I got to be honest with you. I'm...
I got to feed with a pitchfork when he's 16.
I got to get some parts, for the billing.
I got you, motherfucker! (ALL SCREAMING)
I got, uh, Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Goes to Jail
I have $40, here.
I have a boyfriend.
I have a college degree.
I have some big plans for you, Ted.
I hope it's true
I hope your kids get bird flu!
I invite you
I just did a line with a dude in the men's room
I just don't want you to get mobbed when people recognize you.
I just got a call from the Labor Department.
I just love you so much.
I just want a Ted for my very own.
I know it's not making you rich.
I know, I know, I know. And... And that's why...
I know, I know. It's just that...
I let you guys down all over again.
I love my wife. Okay? My wife.
I love you so much!
I love you so much.
I love you too, baby. I'll see you soon.
I love you, too, baby.
I mean saying his name three times.
I mean, aren't you supposed to be fighting
I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something?
I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect.
I mean, fucking Steven Tyler?
I mean, hell, this is the first job I ever had.
I mean, honestly, I don't know. Um...
I mean, how the hell do you take
I mean, I've never voted.
I mean, if you ask me, we got to fight it.
I mean, maybe more like a hammer or an orange, but yeah.
I mean, maybe you should check again or something, you know?
I mean, Tami's the woman I love.
I mean, we can't take this lying down, right? We got to do something.
I mean, we wanna get high, too.
I need a full report on all the placement of our merchandise.
I need clothes for work. All right, Teddy?
I need Shep Wild.
I need you to come with me now.
I never get to fucking say anything!
I noticed you always use urinal four,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
I put a frowny face on Facebook!
I put my cell number on there, too.
I really love that Neil Diamond.
I really tried everything I could to be the man that she wanted.
I replace the cakes.
I rest. We could totally be lawyers.
I said I would consider it.
I saw what you did on TV.
I saw you eating lunch alone! You're a loser!
I say we go to court!
I should never have let you drive.
I should've married Robert DiCicco. I really should've.
I still get a shot! JOHN: Yes!
I swear to God, I'll kick your goddamn ass! Who was it?
I swear to God, not messing with you.
I think you'd make an awesome mom.
I think you're bleeding us dry, is what I think you're doing.
I thought that was you. What's happening, man?
I totally fucking got you!
I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State.
I wanna have a baby.
I want to feel useful, you know?
I was reluctant to bring it up because
I was such a big fan of yours in the early '90s.
I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me.
I was thinking about just tearing them down and building a hotel.
I was wrong.
I will.
I won second prize in a beauty contest. That's $50 right there.
I won't be able to perform the implantation procedure.
I won't be any fun then, will I?
I won't forget what you've done for me here today.
I work for Mattel.
I would do at this moment
I would first like to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the jury
I would prefer that you do.
I would, like, kick so much ass at mommin'! (CHUCKLES)
I... I mean, they say, uh, "Trix are for kids" in the commercials.
I'd like to take your case, Ted.
I'd, uh, like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cereal.
I'll drive. You can take a nap.
I'll fucking throw shit! (GRUNTS)
I'll get right down to it.
I'll give you a minute.
I'll rephrase.
I'll see you in heaven, Ted.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm 26.
I'm a fucking pro!
I'm a little nervous. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I'm afraid I have bad news.
I'm alive.
I'm at Comic Con, but, John, it's Donny! He's here!
I'm blinking it in!
I'm busy.
I'm confident you'll make the right decision.
I'm cooking your fucking steak What do you think I'm doing?
I'm curing cancer.
I'm doing this for you. I'm getting ready. I got to go in and perform.
I'm Dr. Danzer.
I'm fine. I was thinking about Lori.
I'm glad you guys are so happy!
I'm gonna fucking cut that judge.
I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes.
I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight.
I'm gonna try.
I'm happy to see everyone has made a full recovery.
I'm happy to see everyone has made a full recovery.
I'm John Bennett.
I'm just kidding. I'm fucking with you. Come on!
I'm listening.
I'm nervous that you're going to be swayed
I'm not a person?
I'm not gonna make that same mistake again.
I'm not gonna remember a movie I've never seen
I'm not into it.
I'm quite sure.
I'm Raphael.
I'm Raphael.
I'm really fucking scared of you, you little fucking bear!
I'm scared, Teddy!
I'm so glad I'm finally caught. I wanted to be caught!
I'm so sorry, baby.
I'm so sorry, sir. I forgot. I'll get it right away.
I'm sorry I turned you away.
I'm sorry I turned you away.
I'm sorry to say I won't be taking your case.
I'm sorry you're not who I hoped you'd be.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that. Could you repeat that, please?
I'm sorry, I just don't want something
I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'm on my period.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. But as of today, you're fired.
I'm sorry. I, uh...
I'm sorry. You three are gonna have to wait outside.
I'm standing up for me and I'm standing up for the homos!
I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?
I'm supposed to date some pale, blotchy guy
I'm telling you, Ted,
I'm told that you have an open door policy here at Hasbro
I'm trying to get it half hard,
I've been following him around since yesterday.
I've been kicked around a lot this week. I just...
I've been led to understand that Trix are exclusively for children.
I've been out of the game for a while.
I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
I've never had Pringles on my steak before.
I've read about your life.
I've read about your life.
If all of my nights were cloudy
If he loses, the state will officially declare him
If I did drugs on our wedding day.
If I had known it was gonna cause me this kind of shit storm.
If they choose to investigate the issue,
If we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?
If we were even caught.
If you two want to be together, nothing would make me happier.
If you two want to be together, nothing would make me happier.
If you'd like, you can go in
If, um, maybe you would consider helping us try to overturn the verdict.
In every civil rights conflict,
In my chambers! Stop beavering the witness!
In the river, titties out. You good.
In those images,
Information on our Comic Con placement.
Instead you're
Into someone I'm not.
Is beginning to get national attention
Is even close to Flash Gordon's.
Is he gonna take the case?
Is it a freak of genetics?
Is it all right if I come in?
Is making a contribution to society.
Is suing to prove he is indeed a person.
Is Ted a human being?
Is that correct?
Is that correct?
Is that for real? Did they actually tell you that?
Is that him?
Is that the boxing movies?
Is that you?
Is there any statement that you'd like to make
Is there anything else in there?
Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party.
It can't be argued by reason.
It doesn't matter what the world calls me. I know who I am.
It gave me a kick in the ass.
It judges by emotion.
It may leave you quite vulnerable.
It must be fun
It really isn't.
It reminds me of the strain I smoked
It seems like every time you go online,
It was very sad. Very sad for the family.
It's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze.
It's a crosswalk, jackass! We have the right of way! Yeah.
It's a gift from God bestowed upon only one species.
It's a little awkward.
It's a really rare strain.
It's always gonna be empty. There's never gonna be a little foot in here.
It's always good to find new ways to surprise your lover.
It's amazing what we can do here.
It's around back. All right. Yeah.
It's been six months since you guys got divorced.
It's been some time, hasn't it?
It's Comic Con, you idiot! We're going to the Javits Center.
It's everybody else's fault, Mary Decker!
It's got to be "Fuck." It has to be "Fuck."
It's got to be skin on skin, otherwise it doesn't work.
It's important to look good at work.
It's just a word.
It's just so infectious.
It's just this is a really important case.
It's just...
It's not good or bad. It just means
It's okay. It's okay, honey. Come on, let's just go.
It's our bad luck they put him on the trial.
It's right there for anyone to see.
It's so beautiful.
It's so good to see you, Ted.
It's the intermediary station before insemination.
It's the least I can do with all you're doing for us. Really.
It's totally potent.
It's wrong!
Jeez, I wonder who this place belongs to.
Jesus Christ! Listen to you! You're delusional!
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ. Look at the organization here!
Jesus, what happened here?
Jesus, what the hell is your problem?
Jesus, you're a waitress, you're not building rockets. Figure it out!
Jesus,Johnny, she totally wants to sleep with you.
Jesus! What the fuck?
Jesus! Why did you bring him here?
Jesus.
Jesus. Look at that black cock.
John Bennett.
John,
John, what's going on?
John, you've been saying that for over a year and a half
JOHN: Ferguson, Missouri.
JOHN: Ferguson, Missouri.
JOHN: Hey, guys?
JOHN: Hey, what the fuck are you doing? Get off of me!
JOHN: Nobody said "Starbucks."
JOHN: Oh, Teddy, What the fuck? (SCREAMING)
JOHN: Oh, yeah. She wants more
JOHN: Robin Williams!
JOHN: Ted! SAMANTHA: Ted!
JOHN: Um, hey. Um...
JOHN: We're giving you the tools, buddy.
JOHN: Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.
JOHN: Yes, let's go to court!
JOHN: You know what's fucked up? Dude, that's somebody's fucking daughter!
Johnny, come on.
Johnny, I mean it. All right'?
Johnny, Johnny, it's me. You got to help me.
Johnny, meet your new godson,

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