Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Soundboard Edit

A tape of the terrorists who claim responsibility..

Aaah! Unhh!

Aah!

About Him and tHat Quick Stop boy?

Ah

All right, here's the deal. You and your men stay up here.

And he says you're the bitch, and you're the butch.

And he told us about the Bluntman and Chronic movie

And now you're like this little priss with a conscience.

And see if he thinks it's a good idea..

And sometimes W

And stop the movie from gettin' made

And tell you not to pull your dick out...

Anyone not harboring...

Applesauce, bitch.

As opposed to the guy who takes shaft.

Aw, cool

Bad medicine is what I need

Be Don Juan de la Nooch.

Because I got high

Because I got high

Because I got high

Because I'm high

Because someone let a whole mess of animals...

Before I got high

Biggs, you even read the script?

Boys, we know you're in there.

But

But before we do any of that shit...

But I couldn't go through with it because l

But then I got high

But then I got high

But then I got high

But then I got high

But we bitch slapped that motherfucker..

But you can't spit out fuckin', Yo, Jay, I disagree...

But, since it appears inevitable..

CHAKA: Yo, lovely ladies!

Could be the fuckin' damn dirty ape...

Credit for the liberation of an orangutan...

Did you write... Fuck Jay and Silent Bob.

Does your daddy know that you give a ****** his coffee?

Don't spray that aerosol in my eye

Don't, motherfucker. Don't you ruin this for me

Don't.

Downloading scripts...

Drive it

Even sheep?

Excuse me. WHo's watcHing tHese babies?

Face facts, my friend.

Flee, fat ass, flee!

For the break in.

Fuck

Fuck beans! That was them, wasn't it?

Fuck them and their stupid asses?

Fuck.

Gay? What's gay about it?

Ghouls, you fuckin' moron, not girls.

Girl, I'd love to show you

Go, go, go

Good Lord

Gross experiments on animals.

Ha ha!

He just called Sissy Juggs.

He's got a pass. Let him in

Head for the sewer!

Hell, yeah, bitch.

Hi

Holy shit.

How 'bout trouser snakes?

How many people want to kick some ass

How the fuck do we know where that car's going?

Huhh!

I am, I am

I can't believe it. Months of planning...

I coulda cheated, and I coulda passed

I do not kiss guys

I do, I do

I don't get out to the movies much...

I hate how fake Hollywood is.

I knew that that wasn't a real little boy

I look so fucking good

I mean, it's for a good cause.

I messed up my entire life

I might add that's one fine looking boy...

I stick those little pieces of paper...

I want complete silence.

I wanted to go down, but this angel..

I was gonna pull right over and stop

I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat

I wasn't gonna run from the cops

I wish they were hitchhiking girls

I'd like you to hear

I'm busy.

I'm Morris Day, you're Jerome, bitch.

I'm Reg Hartner with an exclusive News Now bulletin

I'm serious, man

I'm trying to watch Clash of the Titans...

If there doesn't go one happy family.

Is actually a tiny offshoot of the L.A.B.l.A

Is Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly.

Is weed and dick and fart jokes?

JA Y: And after the fall ofman...

JA Y: ln this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey...

JA Y: New Jersey, but we're on our way to Hollywood.

JA Y: What are we gonna do? How are we gonna...

JASON: A day?

Jay and Silent Bob are stupid characters

JAY ON TAPE: I am the clit commander.

JAY: Let me put my arm over yours.

JAY: The whole fuckin' world's against us, dude...

Jersey Local 404.

Jesus loves the little children

Jussy, come on.

L'll take a shot in the mouth.

La da da da

La da da da da da

La da da da da da

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Leave tHem out Here like tHat and see wHat Happens.

Let him rip, boy

Let me just talk to the other girls...

Let's do, misters! You wanna get shot?

Let's go back and hang some more chickens, cuz

Ljust got a new promotion

Lncoming!

Lnside sources tell me...

Look, man, fuckin' maybe it ain't so bad up at that lab.

Lt's like I don't care about nothin', man

Lt's not a monkey.

Lt's really a fucking drag.

Make way today, and ifl may, I say

MARK: Ho ho ho.

Maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out...

Maybe they experiment on 'em by making 'em...

Me and Silent Bob modeled our wHole fucking lives...

Miramax is starting production this Friday...

Momma's gonna to try to score

Morris Day and the Time!

Motherfucker, man.

Move ass!

Myjungle love

Myjungle love, yeah

No

No pot, huh? What do you use this for?

No, bullshit!

No, it ain't all good!

Noise, noise, noise

Now who's stupid, you dirty sheep fucker!

O ee o ee o

Oh

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, my God.

Oh, really? And why is that?

Oh, shit. Don't tell me you're...

Oh, sorry I'm late.

Oh, the things I can do to you

Oh, wait a minute

Ohh

Ohh, jungle love

Ohh!

OK, that's a start

Ooh ooh ah ah ah!

Ooh, you little fuck.

Ooh. What's a trouser snake?

Or you will be fired.

PJ HARVEY: I can't believe life's so complex

Play it

Please give me more head

Present tense

Pull off their masks and let's see who they really are.

Reco'nize.

Remember, don't pull your dick out until she asks...

Roll another blunt

She is too fine.

She went for the setup.

Silent Bob!

Skippedy be bop doo wah

SlSSY: You know, I don't get you, Justice.

So all ofyou skins

So far we've been unable to get a statement...

So what's the deal here?

So you're saying you haven't gotten a monetary cut...

Someone like the mayor of Hollywood.

Someplace else, burn boy.

Sorry.

Sounds more like something out of a bad movie

Standing in front of a fucking store, rigHt?

STEPPENWOLF: I like to dream

Sure I do. I'd do anything for you.

Talkin' shit about us.

That girl that girl's in love with me.

That's my ex girlfriend's monkey!

That's one funky monkey.

That's right. That's it

That's what I thought. Can I use your

That's what you get for falling in love

The honeymoon's over

The monkey will spank us.

The one at the Unitarian church last week...

The sign on the back of the car...

The unwritten book of the road.

Then I rub my nose...

Then shit out our shit..

Then there's, like, fifty more posts...

Then you owe me, owe me, owe

There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease

There are two intruders on the lot.

There they are. There they are.

There they go

These are the fucks that are playing us here.

They can't make that movie, right?

They in?

They took my whole paycheck, and I know why

They won't get in the way, I swear

They're our stunt doubles, dumbass.

Think they're talking about us?

This investigation's now under my jurisdiction.

This is what I do I pinch it like this.

Time for me to get my black ass out of here.

To keep his name off of it.

To the stars away from here, well

To whom I am a constant victim of his folly..

Two reasons

UH, let me get a nickel bag.

Uh, the Liberate Apes Before lmprisoning Apes movement?

Uh...

Until we can get out of town.

Used to pay you likeness rights for the comic book?

Wait a minute

We ain't gonna sell none of these motherfuckin' albums

We call it...

We could buy a lot of plane tickets.

We have a very simple gang here, Justice.

We haven't seen a fucking dime for no movie.

We keep our eye on the prize and let nothing...

We love this monkey!

We rush these fucks and beat the shit out of 'em...

We'll take over from here.

We're the Kansas State chapter of SAAC

Well, do unto others. That's what the Book says

Well, I'm all the way live L.A

Well, I'm goin' first.

Well..

Wh you gotta take a shit.

What if there's more super monkeys up at that lab?

What is what is it what is it?

What the fuck are you trying to say?

What the fuck are you waiting for?

What the fuck, Serpico? What'd we do?

What, here?

What, you don't believe me? Let me show you.

What? I have a wiping problem.

Where do you think you're going?

Where the fuck did they come from?

Where you stand in your pansy red booties.

Who pretends to be Shaft...

Who would pay to see that?

Whoa oh oh, shake it up

Why don't you executive produce me a latte?

Will you shut up?

WlLENHOLLY: What are you talking about?

Wow, there's a lot of love in the room.

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah, 'cause I got high

Yeah, 'cause I got high

Yeah, 'cause I got high

Yeah, and sometimes you do Reindeer Games.

Yeah, but I'll bury you with my Crouching Tiger

Yeah, I got a bearskin rug, y'all sing it

Yeah, I wasn't a big fan, either...

You both don't have to sit back there.

You fat fuck

You like that? You like that?

You maniacs!

You stay out of this, you weepy little chimp.

You whip your dick out.

You're not paralyzed. lt was just a tranquilizer.

Fuck you. Fair enough.

Jerome Morris?

l love gay people, OK? I'm sure you do.

lt means I'm kidding. Oh. Well, that's too bad.

R right? Of course.

Uh huh. [Sirens]

We don't know. [Squeals]

What, you're the director now? Hey, shove it, Bounce boy

Yeah. Really?

'Bluntman and Chronic.'

'Cause I'm high

'cause that's what's important, right?

[All laugh]

[Animal noises]

[Animal noises]

[Blows whistle]

[Chuckles] Meow.

[Clucking]

[Cracks neck] Ahem. All right.

[Deep laughter]

[Door closes]

[Exhales]

[Growls]

[Grunting]

[Gunshot on computer]

[Gunshots]

[Horn honks]

[Monkey squeaks]

[Music playing]

[News theme plays]

[Nun screams]

[Patrons scream and chatter]

[Quiet grunting]

[Ruff ruff]

[Sniffing]

[Squeaking]

[Thud]

[Whistle blowing]

[Whistles]

[Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh]

[WHoosH, wHoosH]