Modern Family - Season 2 Edit

A actually, I was kind of just invited to a party.

A celebration of being done with thinking.

A healthy amount for a girl her age.

A hideously disfigured man look supercool.

A la escuela.

Aah!

Aah. I don't like the look of that, Jay.

Actually, it did make us happy for a long time.

Actually, the paper clip

Actually...

Against the backdrop of a formal setting...

Ah, what's daddy reading to you?

Aha! Sorry, Alex, but you will thank me one day!

Alex Dunphy.

Alex Dunphy.

Alex, wait. I'm sorry.

All right, let's get this roof on.

All right, what the hell is that?

All right. Okay, we have tried this way.

All you have to do is take a song and say it,

An orange grove?

And and, pretty soon, it's just the two of us?

And a ribbon.

And Alex my God.

And all the supplies are ready,

And Blankety... All that stuff... I just...

And embarrass them in front of their friends.

And even thinking about it made me mad.

And give a speech

And graduate from Middle School,

And Haley would meet you at the door

And I don't even know if I can get into college.

And I don't think workmen really call them outfits.

And I have to pick up the pieces.

And I heard that, until the day he died,

And I like when the old guy is there.

And I think we are good to go!

And I want to be able to look out into my yard and say...

And I was in Vietnam.

And I'm in big shoes, so, no.

And if I am not there, dad, I am going to freak out!

And in my head, I'm 40.

And in this corner,

And just get in the car.

And Luke had such a good time

And now he thinks he knows everything about building.

And now I have to go to summer school.

And now it's drifting.

And now they're driving.

And now, please welcome your valedictorian,

And now, please welcome your valedictorian,

And raise a child.

And say, daddy, daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride.

And soon we'll all be dead.

And sort of funny in a way that I don't really get

And that's what kids do they leave.

And the hair ribbon is for Lily.

And the olive oil is to lubricate the mechanism.

And the robot he was building attacked him.

And the seatbelts don't work.

And then the next day, she has a total meltdown,

And then we throw them over the gate, too.

And then we'll be...

And then you guys will throw over the bike?

And then, uh, it's gonna be Haley's car.

And they'll take forever.

And this is a screwdriver.

And we did his for her. Mm.

And we met at an orgy.

And we're not losing her.

And went on a picnic up to Granger Point.

And what's he doing in my bathroom?

And you don't know?

And you just come on in whenever you want to.

And you wanted to eat her face?

And, oh, yeah, I can still do that by myself.

And, you know, she'd stick her arms up in the air

And...

Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal.

Animal!

Ants ruin a picnic.

Are you getting all this, buddy?

Are you okay?

Are you... are you trying to get rid of me?

As a bit of a castle designer.

As a gate owner, dad,

At least I'm trying to do something!

Awesome...

Ay! How was the doctor?

Ay! Poor thing!

Be careful. You might run into it.

Because I don't think

Because I think they can do school colors.

Because I won't be there.

Because my wife's freaking out!

Because sometimes it's great

Because we are going to carpool with your grandpa.

Because you're smart and pretty

Because, Mitchell, this is not Times Square,

Been there.

Beep.

Besides, I think there's a girl I'd rather spend time with.

Bird! Ah, oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Bird! Bird!

Botox.

But don't insult my selling.

But everybody has their stuff.

But he was wearing a Grateful Dead t shirt.

But I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.

But I will say your behavior today

But I'm not gonna use it.

But I'm not like that.

But I'm still a man,

But I'm up here, and...

But other people seem to enjoy,

But seriously, the word commencement

But that's not important.

But then when we were going through it

But there is no way that this is normal.

But we're gonna need to lower the asking price.

But you... You two ladies enjoy your light beers.

But you're only doing it to yourself

But...

Calm down.

Cam and I are gonna go crack a couple cold ones.

Cam, please be careful.

Cam! You have lost all credibility.

Can you pick up some bread on the way home, please?

Can't you can't you push it open or something?

Carniv what?!

Champagne problems, right?

Chun chunk.

Come here.

Come on over. Have some lemonade and cookies.

Come on, get in, get in!

Come on, guys!

Come on, Phil!

Come on, Phil! Let it go! Let it go!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. A minute ago, they were babies.

Congratulations.

Cool chair that goes up the stairs.

Coral.

Could you press...

Could your hair.

Couldn't we get a ladder?

Cruelty's genetic.

D'oh.

Dad, get off!

Dad, I'm gonna get you some workman gloves.

Dad, open the gate.

Dad!

Delivering the commencement address,

Did you?

Diet.

Do something, Jay.

Do we have any trans fats left?

Do you hate me?

Do you know how insulting this is? I was...

Do you realize, in two years,

Do you remember when you used to come home from work

Do you remember, honey?

Do you think he got his butt done, too?

Do you think that the town of Brigadoon

Don't apologize. I love you when you're human.

Don't ask. He'll be fine.

Don't listen to her.

Don't look at him!

Don't look at me like that.

Don't worry.

Don't you throw up on me.

Emotional day, huh?

Enjoyed for many years by one happy family.

Enjoying your little tea party, I was out here...

Enough! This conversation is ended. Let's go.

Every damn time!

Every home improvement project that we've undertaken

Every time he passed it, he was filled with such pride.

Everyone in the car. Let's go!

Falling into a tiny pool.

Family milestones always throw Claire for a loop.

Fantastic.

Felipe?

Felipe.

Fell into a ducky pool.

Fellow graduates, it's

Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast.

Finishing first in her class,

For 10 minutes before it opened.

For being so compassionate.

For both of us.

For his daughter.

For legal reasons.

For me, for you, for... Our roses.

For that bracelet

For what he believed in.

France, ants, picnic...

From collapsing in on itself,

Get out of here!

Get out, get out.

Gloria, hold on.

Gloria, it's me.

Gloria? Gloria.

Gloria?!

Go ahead. You can't do it. You can't do it.

Go. Have fun.

Good time, she wrote.

Got it.

Great. I will see you there...

Great. It's our car.

Guess what?

Guys, I can't go to Vegas

Haley doesn't hate you.

Haley, honey, you're standing on the back of daddy's seatbelt!

Haley! Oh, soft cheeses, I can breathe again.

Haley!!

Haley's driving me.

Happy and sad.

Happy day.

Has been a near death experience.

Has been very eye opening.

He built a couple of theater sets in college or something,

He looked like the drummer from Foreigner.

He probably got some numbing cream on it.

He thought we were gonna use it all the time,

He wants to feel like a regular Joe, like you and I.

He was checking for moles or something.

He was really interested.

He was until he missed a few weeks

He'd say, there's a little bit of me in that bridge.

He'll be here all week, folks!

He's a very proud man, your son.

He's been embarrassed enough today.

He's coming.

He's fine. It was a false alarm.

He's not supposed to be unsupervised!

Heads up!

Hello, coral.

Hello! Hello!

Hello?

Hello.

Helped build the Brooklyn Bridge.

Her hair's been driving me crazy all day.

Here, I'll turn on the... Haley!!

Here, let me check something.

Here's the salt.

Hey, honey.

Hey, Jay!

Hey, Luke.

Hey, mama bear. You okay?

Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can?

Hey, mom.

Hey, superstar.

Hey, uh, why is your dad's car here?

Hey, we're in here!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier.

Hey! Listen!

Hey. This is Manny.

Hi, papi.

Hi, sweetie.

His face looks like a candle.

His life!

Hit a nerve or something.

Hold on! I think I can fix this!

Honey, are you sure?

Honey, do you need me to move the car?

Honey, it looks beautiful!

Honey, relax.

Honey, she's a middle child

Honey, they're not gonna ride the bike.

Honey, we don't have to do this.

Honey, why do we keep this car?

Honey, you can't throw that away.

Honey!

Honey!

Honey.

Honey.

Honey...

Honey...

How about when dad jumped on the hood of the car?

How about you make us some sandwiches?

How could you tell us this over the phone?!

How do you know we're having light beers?

How long have you guys been out here?

Hysterical wife.

Hysterical wife.

Hysterical wife.

I am a Colombian mother.

I am doing this for a reason.

I am going to freak out!

I am going to freak out!

I am okay.

I am petrified to do this with Mitchell.

I am so proud to be standing

I boosted girls bigger than you to the top of a human pyramid.

I can't believe Alex is gonna be in High School.

I can't. It's stuck.

I could have just died.

I decided to skip the movie.

I did it.

I didn't do it for you.

I didn't mean you.

I didn't see it.

I don't care for it.

I don't know!

I don't need an apology,

I don't remember. It's been so long.

I don't want to go to Vegas anymore.

I don't want...

I feel real good about it.

I feel so old!

I finally got Lily down for a nap.

I forgot about that.

I found the nail gun.

I got botox.

I got him in the garage putting flags on the spires.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

I had a bad reaction.

I have a blue and camel. What's your preference?

I have done a few sketches.

I have to say that I am a little disappointed

I haven't felt this dumb since I shelled out 30 bucks

I heard that.

I just need a paper clip, some olive oil,

I just think it's crazy, that's all.

I just want my Manny to be happy.

I just want to hug them

I knew you'd say that, but hear me out.

I know that I'm not the handiest guy,

I know you're feeling self conscious,

I know you're making a joke because you're uncomfortable,

I know.

I know.

I loved how you play with the song titles.

I mean, castle goes right up,

I mean, the classical sense.

I mean, we're always going back and forth.

I mean, what happened in the game?

I need Buckety!

I opened a gate with my mind.

I opened it with my mind.

I prefer the champagne Dijon to the standard yellow.

I ran right into it.

I read the rest of your speech.

I really do feel better already.

I really need some air.

I remember the speech that won me treasurer

I save the day.

I say we apologize and just finish the castle gether

I say we ram the gate. Kids, get out of the way.

I say, who's that old man?

I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.

I think I've got a good idea.

I think it sends the wrong message to Lily.

I think it's mnemonic.

I think she really likes me.

I think we gotta go.

I think we should talk about this Kelly girl.

I thought it was just a friend.

I thought Sanjay Patel was first in the class.

I thought that you and I

I totally thought I was gonna puke on you.

I try to stay away from trans fats.

I used to have a lot more there. I lost it.

I used to throw up all the time.

I want to get there early.

I was an intern at the Songbird Summer Playhouse.

I was never valedictorian. What do I know?

I was obsessed with good grades

I was stuck outside that gate

I was there when she was born

I was up against an actual Puerto Rican.

I wasn't whispering.

I went to the dermatologist. It's a boring story. I'm fine.

I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

I would have killed you if you did.

I... I think I'd remember.

I... think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too.

I'll go upstairs and see if I have a lefty.

I'll help you.

I'm flunking out of biology.

I'm going on a walk,

I'm gonna wear my burgundy dinner jacket.

I'm good, mom. Okay.

I'm good.

I'm here for you.

I'm home. My damn gate remote won't work.

I'm just being realistic,

I'm just gonna stay here and get some stuff done,

I'm just letting you know now,

I'm just saying it's a character flaw.

I'm just saying, the kid's gotta learn to let things go.

I'm just...

I'm kidding.

I'm kind of hungry, mom.

I'm not I'm not smiling.

I'm not giving you as much to work with.

I'm not gonna let him make a mistake

I'm not hu I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry anymore.

I'm not hungry anymore.

I'm not taking care of him when you guys die.

I'm sayin'...

I'm sorry or should I say oldsters?

I'm sorry I laughed.

I'm sorry we're late.

I'm sorry, Cam. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to go to Vegas with my buds,

I'm the luckiest mother in the world.

I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that crockpot

I'm... Being ridiculous.

I've be in at... Yeah.

I've even seen a three legged

I've seen cattle, I've seen hogs,

I've seen goats

I've witnessed all kinds of birthing

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me...

If I have to read The very hungry caterpillar

If I wasn't gay before, I

If we had all our stuff in the same notebook?

If we miss this speech

If you do this, you'll be a social piranha.

If you had been there,

If you want to give your speech, go ahead.

If you...

Immediately you go to the next one?!

In fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women

In front of this extraordinary group of youngsters.

In her little Aladdin pajamas?

In my culture,

In order to give a good speech,

In that princess castle.

In the delivery room.

In you doing this thing.

In your face, girl with the negative tattoo!

Instead of looks, popularity, and skinny jeans.

Is going off to college,

Is that enough stuff for you?

Is that okay?

Is to connect these two circuits,

Is when their sons get married.

Isn't she great?

Isn't that where you guys met?

It always is.

It doesn't make any sense to keep it.

It doesn't me...

It just felt right.

It looks fantastic.

It matters a little!

It really brings out the flavor.

It was a lot easier than you made it out to be.

It was delicious.

It was kind of a grande deal

It was!

It won't work if you're both on the line.

It's a classic!

It's a graduation,

It's a Pritchett thing.

It's all right.

It's better that way. Nobody gets hurt.

It's Blankety.

It's disgusting.

It's droopy.

It's fine!

It's fine.

It's gonna be tough to say goodbye.

It's gonna be worth it.

It's gonna go away soon.

It's happening, people.

It's happening!

It's in my mouth.

It's ironic that I stand up he

It's ironic that I stand up here

It's ironic that I stand up here representing my classmates

It's my own fault.

It's not just like I'm

It's not okay, Phil!

It's not okay. We're losing her.

It's okay.

It's okay. I want to work on my speech.

It's perfect for you.

It's stuck again.

It's supposed to snap right into place.

It's the juxtaposition of absurdist comedy

It's very simple, Alex.

It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back.

Jackpot.

Jay bought it.

Jay is calling.

Jay, that's not looking very good.

Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be,

Just a few more steps.

Just grab a handful. Don't be shy.

Just keep pedaling. It doesn't matter.

Just magically appeared?

Just my heart.

Just sit back, relax. You're gonna be fine.

Just... just what?!

Kelly didn't like my jacket.

Kelly! Good morning.

Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.

Kelly's parents are on their way.

Law school, great career, providing for his family.

Let's go. Let's go eat.

Let's take this crazy bicycle,

Like he wanted.

Like sports and construction.

Like the ladies use for their wrinkles?

Like... Don't stop believin'

Listen to her.

Listen to him

Listen.

Literally, because you're not coming home with me.

Look at all he has done.

Look at them.

Luke, honey, slow down.

Luke, stop pushing that ball around!

Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike

Make the appetizers.

Manny,

Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome.

Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada?

Maybe push it.

Maybe we should let Manny decide.

Means beginning.

Men are all animals!

Men are all the same.

Mi nombre es Felipe.

Mi nombre es Felipe.

Mitch? Lily?

Mitchell did that?

Mitchell just wants to feel like he's...

Mitchell, I get scared.

Mitchell. Mitchell...

Mm there they are!

Mm, did she let you hear the specials, at least?

Mm.

Mmm.

Mom, mom, please.

Mom, you look really pretty.

Mom? When was this from?

Most of the time, I walk around,

Most of them have treated me like I'm invisible.

Mothers are very clingy to their sons.

Move to the back of the castle.

Mwah!

My clicker won't work.

My friends all they can ever talk about nowadays

My great great grandfather

My hair, my voice, my balance board exercises...

My heart is fine.

My idea.

My seatbelt's stuck!

My stomach hurts.

Need me to get you out of there?

Neither are you.

Never batted an eye.

Never mind.

Nice and easy!

Nice to meet you!

Nick, and he's not picking up the car till tomorrow.

No the pool popped.

No offense, Jay.

No one wants to hear the truth.

No one's ever gonna talk to you again.

No one's gonna buy this heap looking this way.

No one's gonna take your food away.

No, a Burger King.

No, don't carry me out this time.

No, I just...

No, I sorted the bolts.

No, I think what Jay's saying is, why don't you go sort some bolts?

No, I...

No, it just sits here.

No, it's gonna be great. I talked to...

No, it's not.

No, it's nothing. I'm alright

No, no, you know what?

No, straight!

No, sweetie, you loved Blankety.

No, we won't, because it's 5 miles away, Phil!

No!

No.

No.

No. He would never forgive us.

No. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't get me.

No. No, no, no.

No. No, we're in the middle of this.

No. Oh, no.

No...

No... my... God. You didn't.

Nobody else has come up with an idea.

Nobody gets sliced in half.

Nobody loves change.

Nobody wants to think.

None taken. You look like an iceberg.

Not a big boned man falling into a pool.

Not a car. Kids?

Not cavemen.

Not me.

Not now.

Not this face

Not with mama bear I'm not.

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Now many times do I have to tell you

Now, arms at your side.

Now, Foreigner's from France. France rhymes with ants.

Now, I might forget that name,

Obama!

Of course he didn't.

Of course you are.

Of course.

Of my high school Spanish club.

Of raccoons.

Oh God! Phil...

Oh ho.

Oh no! Iron cross

Oh, but...

Oh, crap. The chain broke!

Oh, dad, what are you doing here?

Oh, geez, not now!

Oh, God, he's gonna blow, mom!

Oh, God, who put that doorjamb there?

Oh, gosh, it smells like onions!

Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference.

Oh, keep rolling, the news will want this footage

Oh, look at this.

Oh, my God,

Oh, my God, dad, your face!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. She's back.

Oh, my God. You are.

Oh, my God... no!

Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?

Oh, my gosh. It's finished.

Oh, my!

Oh, no, I tripped! Walking is so hard!

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, no! That's not...

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, pardonnez moi.

Oh, please, you wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm.

Oh, remember how much fun we had

Oh, sweetie, of course we do.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley.

Oh, well, you feel old.

Oh, what's that actress What's her name?

Oh, where are you going?

Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that crockpot, Jay.

Oh, yeah, like you killed that spider?

Oh, yeah! Oh, no, dad.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, and then your Uncle Mitchell

Oh, yikes. Okay.

Oh, you didn't see it. It was huge.

Oh, you know what you should do?

Oh, you're working on your speech.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Look at us!

Oh! Oh, honey, I think that's the heat.

Oh. She's here.

Oh. Well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell.

Oh. Yay.

Oh...

Ohh, that's so sweet.

Ohh!

Ohh!

Ohh!

Ohh! Oh, my God!

Ohh. Cam, she can't get enough.

Ohh. Don't point him at me!

Ohhh!

Okay, Alex, lower your window.

Okay, come on, guys. Let's get back to it.

Okay, everybody get out of the car!

Okay, kids, you know what?

Okay, look, I don't know what's going on here,

Okay, okay, quick poll here.

Okay, perfect.

Okay, step up. I'll boost you.

Okay, sue me.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, you know what?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Jay, now you do me.

Okay. Let's go.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. So...

Okay. That's cool.

On the, uh, drawbridge

One more time, I will snap.

One, two...

Ooh! Ooh! The gate's opening! The gate's opening!

Or a drama geek...

Or be the freak who flipped off her class.

Or even a nerd like me.

Or get this party started.

Otherwise, what happens in Vegas

Our doors don't open!

Our hubris will be our undoing.

Out here getting stuff done.

Ow!

Ow. Ow.

Part of life is learning to let things go.

Part of the man club.

People want to be challenged.

Phil and I will go over first,

Phil, go straight!

Phil, please.

Phil! Come on back, Phil.

Phish. Where do fish live?

Picked up some burgers,

Picture this

Please, I'm cheer's squad,

Please. You really think I don't have duplicates?

Plus, she ordered for me.

Princess is in her castle!

Principal Kaizler, faculty, parents,

Principal Kaizler...

Problem is, tomorrow,

Pure gold.

Put a pinch of salt in the chocolate milk.

Put that thing away.

Put that thing away. I saw my dermatologist.

Quick! Who's the president?

Really?

Really?