Modern Family - Season 8 Edit

A America.

A Are you trying to say something?

A black family's moving in right across the street

A boy was born.

A budding interest in the promotional arts,

A club where people make good decisions.

A hair dryer. Thanks, buddy.

A lisp doesn't make you gay.

A little Ash Wednesday.

A little bit healthier and just a little farther.

A long time ago

A loser.

A lot of singles in there. What exactly do you do at this club?

A lot of things haunt me.

A mother knows how to read between the lines.

A sax scandal I'm running with that.

A shattering depiction of human suffering.

A sip of water to cleanse the palate.

A storm in the Midwest canceled our flight.

Aaaaaaah.

Aah aah! That's hot!

Aah! Oh, my God!

About a comatose arthritic woman pulling your hair.

About a family of Montenegrin art restorers

About how good it is here and just bring you some?

About relatives sponsoring new members, so...

Abrupt resignation as Student Council President?

Absolutely anything.

Actually rests on their play structure.

Actually, I probably I have three more.

Actually, we have.

Actually, we're going to speak together.

Admit it, it's over.

After a great week in New York,

After she left, I sat there thinking,

After you put your suitcase in her room.

After you.

Ah, right up front.

Ah, the vigor. It's almost pornographic.

Ah, yeah. I'm so sorry.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Alcoholism.

Alex had to take the semester off.

Alex is never away from her laptop,

Alex is not my most expressive child,

Alex, are you sure you don't want

Alex, honey.

Alex, look at me.

Alex, maybe you'd feel better if we went for a walk

Alex, no. Stop! Stay!

Alex? I can't believe this!

Alex's allergies.

Alex's laptop had every piece of homework

Alex's mouth may have said, "You're embarrassing me."

All his crazy quirks.

All I had to do was let Phil be Phil.

All of a sudden, I knew how.

All right, all right, come on.

All right, carb up, buddy.

All right, everybody.

All right, girls.

All right, Luke, we need to talk.

All right, sit.

All right, you chatterboxes.

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right. Listen, you guys need anything, let me know.

All she did was talk about herself.

All the fun. You know snapping each other in the butts

All these people here, but they, um

All we're saying is be a little more Casual Friday,

All you had to do was say goodbye.

All you have to do is sit there and be quiet.

All... right. Can this just be done now?

Almost everybody.

Also known as your last year to not suck.

Also, can I take a pee?

Also, I signed us up for that book signing tonight.

Also, uh, you should know,

Also, uh, you should know,

Although it does give the house character.

Although, Adderall has helped a lot of kids.

Although, that could've been because I climbed in

Am I still do ing it?

Am I?

Amateur.

Among his brilliant innovations

An hour ago, I had made the perfect tub!

And and Lily has been really respectful of him.

And a daughter who I was forced to see naked

And a game of craps broke out in the kitchen.

And agreed to cover everything,

And before I even lived in it, I got married.

And Dad said, "I thought you liked men"?

And get fired, right?

And get my hands a little dirty, you know?

And Gloria adores you!

And Gloria can't do anything right!

And got a job as a barista.

And had my picture made with the Congressman.

And had the whole chop chop, bing bang thing,

And half of them are college applications.

And he has run successful political campaigns before

And he was as good as new.

And her instinct is to go all baby bigot on him?

And hit my shin really hard and started crying in front of everyone.

And I I was alone with her when it happened,

And I am sorry I put you in that position.

And I am the She E O of a large company.

And I don't feel good either.

And I got these.

And I got to say, it's like looking a mirror, Nancy.

And I knew when.

And I privately said to you,

And I saw David Blaine in jello,

And I want to leave you with this one last thing.

And I want you to calm down.

And I was in the Junior Tumbling Congress.

And I was viewed by my classmates

And I wasted it on a Popsicle.

And I will find someone else to look after the dog.

And I won't go back to a party.

And I'm going to fight for that

And I'm their local expert.

And I'm two people.

And I've been cleaning up in tips.

And I've been dying to tell you, but they wouldn't let me!

And I've had a tremendous amount of plastic surgery.

And if I can get Joe tired enough to go to sleep,

And if that requires living in a world

And if that's gone, who am I?

And if they do, you give us a percentage of your commission.

And if we do,

And insist on rotting their brains

And insist on rotting their brains

And it doesn't make us feel good.

And it's a lot easier to root for

And it's gonna

And it's gonna be weird around here without him,

And key chains for over a decade.

And leave enough after capital gains

And make sure everyone has what they need.

And Mitchell was telling her to let go, and she did!

And now I'm considering double majoring,

And now it's Joe's room, and that's fantastic.

And now Luke just salsas in

And now you're just like me.

And packed him in ice from the seafood bar,

And pain is your best friend..."

And put in all the other letters.

And say a quick hi to Merv,

And she actually expressed some interest.

And showed me, by example,

And start rocking sadly, all right?

And temperament.

And that dude, he invented an app

And that's fantastic.

And the credit card company.

And the Dolphins win, 21 20.

And the family thinks that I nudged it along.

And the line between performer and spectator is delightfully blurred?

And the neighbors didn't even come outside.

And the other one fell down the garbage disposal.

And the pass gets picked up!

And the... best buddy a guy could ever ask for.

And then eventually coming around.

And then I changed my mind, and I did her dream.

And then I have my study,

And then signed up for a lecture series

And then they found out I wasn't in the military.

And then when Cam thought

And then you wait for the confirmation.

And then... and then died in front of all of us.

And there's already a ton of people here,

And there's already a ton of people here,

And they vote a few people in.

And three, it just passed mold inspection.

And tries to take it away from him.

And wait for the surprise ending.

And we buried my hamster in the backyard.

And we could've made things easier for you.

And we promote clubs and stuff via social media.

And we'll make the exchange.

And we'll run Luke next year.

And what's in the ice bucket?

And when I woke up this morning, I thought you'd gone for a run.

And when the check came, you know what she didn't do?

And while people have found all sorts of ways

And worry about your own dog.

And you always rub it in,

And you didn't help your case

And you don't want to go to the party!

And you said you'd support any decision I made.

And you two don't even love me anymore!

And you will be a legend.

And you. Can't even be bothered to use a plate!

And you. How could you do this?

And you'd never leave me, would you, baby? Mm!

And, Haley...

And, Katen, did I see you drinking a water

And, Mitchell, make sure her tongue stays moist.

And, total stroke of luck, Merv's assistant

And, uh, apropos of nothing

Answered that question right.

Anxiously awaited his verdict.

Anybody would.

Anyhoo, there's a football player on the team

Anything for you, kid.

Anything you want.

Anyway, after the lightning strike,

Anyway, he would snore...

Anyway, I dated my makeup girl for a while,

Anyway, I gave him my number.

Anyway, I'm a biochemistry major and Caltech,

Anyway, tell her I'll have a couple more for her tomorrow.

Anyway, this is your club

Anyways, stop worrying about the remote control

Apparently, he's quite the player.

Apparently, they're not cool after you get them dirty.

Archimedes' exclamation.

Are bouquet, texture, and finish.

Are furious! Furious!

Are these cameras everywhere?

Are we not as open minded as we think?

Are we really doing this?

Are what we educators call suboptimal.

Are you really still doing this?

Are you saying that all this

Are you sure you're up for it?

Are you sure? I'm a little rusty.

Are you thinking of joining?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Aren't always as open minded as we should be,

Aren't these your, uh your work friends?

Aren't you 400 bucks in the hole on that thing?

Arizona, I was looking at your selfies.

Aromatic cedar flakeboard game a changed.

Art school, huh? Well, you can always

As Carl's Auto Body toilet seat covers?

As long as this isn't that thing

As the day she was born.

As you know, uh, Dwight's father was recently restationed

As you remember, my business was started in my garage.

At least that's the story we're sticking to.

At The Red Room?

At the shopping mall where they're shopping.

Aww, thanks.

Aww, you guys are so sweet.

Aww!

Aww.

Aww. Love you both. Bye.

Aww. Says the murderer.

Ay, all I can say is, thank you again.

Ay, dios mio.

Ay, Jay, I was going to cook the sausage.

Ay, Jay, stop with the phone. You're missing everything.

Ay, no!

Ay, what the hell are you doing here?

Back at the house.

Back to you, Claire.

Bad enough... but then I noticed

Bad luck! Bad luck!!

Be good to have some guy time.

Be strong.

Beautiful African name Shawn M'badawe.

Because I can see your green light!

Because I housebroke her myself.

Because I'm a racist old man.

Because I'm a racist old man.

Because I'm his football coach, and his father trusts me.

Because in a place where violence is currency

Because Luke has a speech to work on?

Because of my gu

Because Papá loved me more?

Because that rube Tom knows nothing about art?

Because the rumors are true.

Because you were with me. They didn't know.

Because you're so good at making our money...

Before having Dwight move in.

Before he's taken to jail.

Before I forget?

Before it was cool to be gay.

Before our marching band takes the field

Being a mom is like being a model.

Being gay makes you lisp.

Besides, where are you gonna sleep tonight after this fight?

Best job I ever had.

Better.

Betty bought a bit 'a bootie,

Between us, he's getting a monkey chin in Laos.

Blot...

Boom! Just sent another grandkid to Brandeis.

Boop!

Both delicious, by the way.

Both my partners are in clubs.

Boy, girl, gay, straight...

Breaks my heart.

Bring a sweater.

Brought your black friend out, blasted Commodores.

Bubble letter me something about gringos.

Business class, huh?

But aren't opening nights so exciting?

But at least I'll always have my special girl.

But at least it's still only three more days.

But da bootie bittah.

But enough about how I felt.

But found the butter bitter.

But Haley's new job seems whack.

But he needs some professional help.

But her heart was saying, "You're inspiring me."

But I am the patriarch, and I have spoken.

But I didn't do it! I'm innocent!

But I didn't drink it all.

But I got some stuff going on, so...

But I have this place!

But I know this is my day,

But I really don't have a lot of real friends.

But I shouldn't treat you badly because Papá choose you.

But I was also kind of happy to have her home a little longer.

But I was gonna get him.

But I'm loving this!

But I'm not the only dad here.

But I'm not unproud of how I'm stealing.

But I've personally seen two of those guys

But if you march back in there and you own it,

But if you think a giant, slobbery dog

But is that taking on a little too much?

But is there a bird more majestic

But it didn't rain while we were all there.

But it made me realize this was my chance

But it's really important to me.

But Luke is, right?

But never tell the kids because we just made them go home?

But none of this makes any sense to me.

But now that you're awake, what happened in here, huh?

But now you're just spiraling.

But right now, I have to get to Chavez Ridge

But seeing how happy you make my grandson,

But so is the sheer act of putting pen to paper.

But that just guarantees that it sticks with you forever.

But that's our thing lording our tolerance over others.

But the bottom line Karen is

But the door swung open,

But there was a ton of traffic on...

But they'll think I made the call the minute I saw them

But this is a part of who you are.

But this is the only place I have left

But tonight, Manny's going to a party.

But unfortunately for our opponents,

But we arrived to find Cam's grandma on her deathbed.

But we just posted about this terrible house

But when she enrolled in a business class

But when the chance to be She E O arose,

But when you've been the bummer all day at work,

But where's Vlad?

But with smarty pants Alex home,

But would you ever want to grab a beer?

But you did just admit

But you don't have to, sweetie, okay?

But you more.

But you never think I'm going to lose!

But you two should get ready for dance class.

But you... you fit in everywhere

But your book got me thinking about a business career.

But, first, how about you take a nice, hot shower?

But, uh, then she had to leave town.

By accidentally erasing her "Matlocks."

By several terrorist organizations.

By the way, have you seen the price?

By the way, have you tried one of these cookies?

By watching vapid housewives spit wine on each other.

By watching vapid housewives spit wine on each other.

Call me!

Call the Sistine Chapel. I guess art is out.

Called "Meet the She E O,"

Cam wasn't wrong about this.

Cam, come on. She's 95 years old and plugged into a wall.

Cam, I swear to God

Cam, she refers to me as "the sissy."

Cam, she was protecting us.

Cam, we don't have the room.

Cam, why you always

Cam?

Cam. I was wrong about her.

Can he stay here? Okay, thank you so much.

Can I get our gifts out of the car?

Can I give you my daughter Haley's number?

Can I have some ketchup?

Can we just get this over with? I have a spray tan at 4:00.

Can you be a human being for one second?

Can you believe this young man has a grandkid in college?

Can you guys just give me a chance

Can't believe they think I killed Grams.

Can't you find another club?

Careful, buddy.

Carl just opened a third location because of that wizard.

Central Park dog rentals million dollar idea.

Cheating?

Chicken and apple, like some damn hippie.

Chip Fielder? No. That's all fake.

Claire asked me to send you a picture

Claire, I'm going out!

Claire, the sign says "No loud noises."

Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets.

Coach just told me to sit on the ground and look sad.

Coach, can I come in yet?

Come have some drinks with the committee,

Come here. Come here.

Come on in. Stay awhile.

Come on, Cam. Kiss me like the sissy I am!

Come on, how would we even pay for the hotel?

Come on. Let's go get a treat.

Come. We'll watch him from the cameras.

Compared to New Yorkers, I'm laid back.

Congressman Morley, enough with the taxes.

Contain it, ignore it.

Could be that, or it could be the last time you saw her,

Could become a regular thing.

Could you reset the router for me?

Couldn't you just say goodbye?!

Creating a very incriminating stain.

Creepy even by your standards

Dad said fine. I walked in the woods, met a hobo.

Dad, come on.

Dad, run to him.

Dad, you have no idea who has money anymore.

Dad, you understand what I'm doing, right?

Dad. Who are you talking to?

Daddy and I would accept you no matter what

Damn it, Mom! Write it down next time!

Damn it!

Dane Edna, say hi to your foster daddies

Decked out in their finest flip flops.

Definitely by Father's Day.

Depends on constant consumption?

Did I use her laptop to get through community college?

Did nobody notice I was gone for 18 hours?

Did that reporter Oh!

Did you all practice by kissing the same pillow?

Did you all practice by kissing the same pillow?

Did you finish your history report?

Did you get in trouble again for adjusting the lighting?

Did you hear that? "Bweakfast."

Did you hear? She started dating my brother!

Did you just listen to an NPR story

Didn't know you could be allergic to carriage leather.

Disappear.

Do meet your heroes.

Do not change who you are or you will lo o ose

Do we really have to leave?

Do what? Actually, I'm I'm taking it

Do you have anything to say?

Do you have the keys to these?

Do you mind the middle seat?

Do you need to lie down?

Do you want marmalade on your brioche toast?

Do you want to play with us?

Doesn't it?

Don't be silly. I got this.

Don't blame me about breaking the other ones.

Don't blow it by acting weird.

Don't feel like you can't be honest with us

Don't forget to sign the guest book.

Don't forget to take your medicine.

Don't listen to him.

Don't love that you know that.

Don't love that.

Don't worry. He's going to be fine.

Don't you cat sit for your boss on Tuesday nights?

Double click!

During Lily's playdate with Tom,

Dwight and I are going shopping.

Dwight Bullock.

Dwight is going to be staying with us!

Dwight, I am very disappointed in you.

Dwight, that's the way you read the reverse.

Dwight, you're staying. What What's going on?

Embrace it.

Eureka.

Even have a chance to ride your mini bike.

Even though Daddy and I

Even though you're stubborn and pigheaded.

Even took a trip to Washington, D.C.,

Even you.

Even your closest compadre could turn on you.

Ever been in here, Jay?

Ever since his father

Ever thrown around in the South.

Every bounce counts!

Every car alarm, every whistle of the wind

Every day was a battle for your s

Every time we leave the house, it's like a game of Three card Monte.

Every time we leave the house, it's like a game of Three card Monte.

Everybody get some water.

Everybody, get your things.

Everything you're doing for me.

Exactly.

Excuse me, Mr. Pritchett.

Excuse me. Can I have everyone's attention, please?

Fake as Tricia Tazaki's shelter dogs!

Family time.

Fantastic. Great.

Feel free to ask any... questions.

Find anything on "Grab It" lady?

Finding pieces that work together, so...

Fine, then act angry, like you're sick of

Fine!

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. I won't do it again. Can I go now?

Fine. You take this one. My plate's full.

First of all, Stella's not peeing in the corner,

First time I saw Tarzan, I wanted to live outside.

First up is Manny Delgado.

Five, four, three...

Flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety

Follow me, folks.

For Father's Day this weekend.

For God's sake, there's the club chair Fatty Arbuckle

For her father to make it.

For heroically taking in Dwight,

For Lily's project.

For my sweet 19 year old cousin Marisol's third wedding.

For some of us, that was the last best time.

For Student Council President.

For Student Council President.

For Student Council President.

For taking too many bubble baths.

For the new members thing tonight.

For today's class.

For trashing your friends called App Smear.

For underage drinking.

For your information, there is a wind advisory tonight.

Fortunately, clueless boobs are one group

Fortunately, clueless boobs are one group

Fred fed Ted bread.

From artsy little snots.

From now on, we're getting our weather from Tricia Tazaki!

From this one here.

From whatever happened back that party.

Fun fact Some stranger, probably a long time ago,

G Lily.

Gee, I'd like to, but they got rules

Gee, they must have changed that.

Gentlemen, circle up!

Get dressed. We're going out for walk around breakfast pizza.

Get hurt? How?

Get out of here, you weirdo!

Get upstairs and pack, or else you might miss your flight.

Get you some! Get it!

Get your hands a little dirty, huh?

Get...

Gloria invited us to sit by the pool

Gloria, Gloria, Gloria.

Gloria, we can't sit around doing nothing. Call Sonia.

Gloria!

Go ahead. It's perfectly safe.

Go down that hallway, push through the big double doors.

Go inside. Wait.

Go on, with that, Phil.

Go splash some water on your face.

Go to your art school, be a playwright.

Go, go, go!

Go.

Go.

Goal!

God, I'm so tired.

God, no. I've been up all night. I got to get to bed.

God, you and Dad are mean.

Good game! Good game.

Good girl.

Good girl.

Good morn ing.

Good morning, everyone.

Good night.

Good night.

Good one, Coach.

Good! Then she owes us 400 bucks.

Good.

Got my book right here.

Got to run outside and paint the mailbox.

Got ya!

Got you a present.

Grab it.

Grams left us all something in her will

Grams would hate all these people on her property.

Grams, l let go.

Grams. Ow, that hurts. Let let go.

Grandpa got me a job at his country club,

Grandpa is coming for you,

Great, Jay. Now she kidnapped Manny.

Great.

Great. What kind of business?

Growing up in Missouri, I was so mistreated

Growing up on the passenger seat of a cab.

Guess what.

Guys, we have a party going on. Let's take it over here.

Ha! Old gutter flute.

Had drifted out to the common areas.

Had the best time in high school.

Haley, go with him.

Haley, thank God.

Haley's car payment is late.

Hang on I'm trying to lock up some sausages

Happy Father's Day to me.

Happy Father's Day!

Have a good one.

Have Dwight live with us, but unfortunately

Have you even taken your turn sitting with Gram?

Haven't heard about "Hamilton."

He also undresses as a cop for work.

He brought such a great energy to the house.

He called me today.

He called you guys weirdos for putting that painting up,

He called.

He can sleep in the apartment upstairs?

He can sleep in the den.

He contributed.

He could be on a date.

He dropped some serious cash at dinner,

He eats everything, he's always in the bathroom,

He even put my face on a pillow.

He got Mitchell elected class president

He has to be ready in case

He hasn't responded.

He said you gave it to him.

He shoots, he scores!

He sounded like a scared ghost.

He wants a fight, he's got one.

He was driving me crazy with his googly eyes.

He was picking up on us not liking him,

He'd love this.

He'd never get past the vote.

He's a good guy.

He's a good kid.

He's a great guy.

He's a weatherman in southern California.

He's being restationed to Florida.

He's coming this way. Just...

He's doing his part for our country,

He's gonna be with us all season,

He's gonna help me pick out some cool new kicks.

He's making him move out.

He's probably just having dinner.

He's taking over because we screwed up

He's the recipient of back to back Golden Showers.

He's trying to get a Communist girl to kiss him.

Hello again, students.

Hello, we're here.

Her being super sick is coming at a really bad time for me.

Her dad's loaded.

Her lipsticks!

Her tummy can get a little fussy,

Here are her medicines.

Here we are.

Here we go. Let's go.

Here you go. Oh! C call me three times.

Here.

Here. I brought by some more liquor bottles

Here. Try on this hair net.

Here's some spray paint

Hey, Alex, honey, could you help me reset the router?!

Hey, Arizona! Quack quack.

Hey, baby brother!

Hey, buddy, I should get going.

Hey, buddy, they canceled my showing,

Hey, can you guys not use, like, the blender

Hey, come over here for just minute, buddy.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Grams.

Hey, guys. What are you doing in my room?

Hey, have you tried one of these Mexican cookies?

Hey, he mentioned this hair spray

Hey, hey, hey! Cramps.

Hey, honey. What are you doing here?

Hey, I don't mind.

Hey, I have an idea.

Hey, it's better than what Mom's doing.

Hey, Jay, do you need to julienne any vegetables?

Hey, Jay.

Hey, let me know if you want to roll around under the bleachers again, doll.

Hey, Lily. Can you hang back a second?

Hey, Lily. We need to talk.

Hey, losers.

Hey, Luke,

Hey, maybe put a little thought into it.

Hey, Mom! Have a good day at work.

Hey, pretend like you're climbing over the wall,

Hey, Pritch, isn't that your gay son?

Hey, so a few things

Hey, there's Jay. Maybe he can...

Hey, um, I wish you'd be a little more mindful

Hey, we need a new president. Why don't I just do that?

Hey, write that pizza pie thing down while it's fresh.

Hey, you can tell us anything.

Hey, you're staying in car?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! I got to be me.

Hey! I got to be me.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. An ice bucket.

Hey. Did you just lock the door?

Hey. Now all we have to do is stick the landing.

Hey. What's all the

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, honey. Is your brother around? I need to yell at him.

Hi, I'm Alex.

Hi, Mama! Hi, Mama! Hi, Mama!

Hi, Mom.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. We're back.

Hi. Where are Cam and Lily?

High school kids love that!

His name was Whiskers.

Hit pedestrians and not even slow down!

Hm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hola, Jay.

Hola, Luke!

Hola!

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold out your wrists.

Honey, I'm so sorry about the way I was tonight.

Honey, will you send my dad a picture of that closet

Honey, you could do this for a living.

Honey, you're getting upset again.

Honey, you're not making sense again.

Hop out. I want to start shooting.

Hopefully she's too sleepy to notice that she got

Hot tub that way.

How about I ask the questions.

How about instead of another class, you get a job?

How about phone cases?