The Boondocks (2005) - Season 1 Edit

A 17 year old who was apparently killed

A 65 year old woman riding a pony.

A big misconception about the ****a Moment

A black revolutionary political party.

A bona fide bad motherfucker, that's who

A boneless rib sandwich.

A brawl jumps off?

A cantankerous, ornery old man.

A chocolate doughnut at the time of the shooting.

A cow's ass.

A darn pretty lady.

A doggy bag is 90 bucks, a tea bag is 50,

A full day's supply of vitamin C.

A full day's supply of vitamin C.

A full pound burger patty covered in cheese,

A garden party?

A gerbil.

A goddamn German shepherd, that's what.

A grilled cheese sandwich and some tacos.

A grotto?

A homeless shelter out of here.

A little bit of the Christmas spirit

A little monkey's sprayin' water all down my esophagus

A little story about World War II?

A lounge singer.

A minute?

A month after The Itis opened,

A multitude of the heavenly host, praising God,

A new place to see or be seen in Woodcrest.

A ****a Moment isn't necessarily over

A perfectly rational black man can explode.

A Pimp Named Slickback, could I please have a minute?

A political party?

A pony?

A press conference was held

A private ****a Moment shames you.

A public ****a Moment shames the whole race.

A sanctuary for scandalous skeezers and stunts.

A shame?

A subsidiary of Wuncler Food Incorporated.

A what? A wristband.

A winter festival where men gave gifts to each other.

A. K.a. Riley Escobar.

A...

A.k. a. Louis Rich.

A.k. a. Pillsbury Doughboy.

A'ight, peace.

A'ight. Three guards ain't too bad

Aaaahhh!

Aagh!

Aagh! Ugh ugh!

Aah!

Aah! Santa, why?

About a big, humongous black grandmother,

About dumb ****a shit.

About how the government wants you dead by 62,

About losing your friend

About not having enough experience with modern media,

About some of the so called

About tellin' white folk the truth?

About the beef industry? No.

About the sound effects for the dogfight sequence.

About what Christmas is really about.

About who I allow in to that family.

Absolutely fantastic.

Absolutely. I I think you'll do a fantastic job.

Abusing people's illusions.

Accompanying parents, calm down as well.

According to guild rules,

Act like you got some goddamn sense, people!

Actin' like we like each other.

Actually, Granddad, Christmas is a pagan holiday.

Actually, I think I'm gonna make it.

Actually, in 1999,

Actually, it's my restaurant,

Advanced her one $213 pony

Affects a white man.

Afraid so. Ahem.

After a game of Checkers.

After a lifetime of odd adventures and strange mishaps,

After I got shot, I was like,

After only 20 minutes of deliberation,

After that, I've got the stun baton.

After this.

Again?

Again?

Again? We got to do something.

Again.

Against a five point royalty,

Against the famous R & B performer,

Agh!

Agh!

Agh.

Ah, ah, ah, I don't care. You gotta go.

Ah, come on, Jazmine.

Ah, come on, Ruckus.

Ah, fuck that ****a.

Ah, man.

Ah, ****a, I seent it. I seent the whole thing.

Ah, sí, señor.

Ah, they went into the city

Ah!

Ah! Magnificent.

Ah! Man, I wanna go home!

Ah! Mr. Policeman, wait!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Between me and you,

Ah. I'm too old to be sneaking around.

Ahem. Attention please.

Ahhh!

AIDS? Me.

Ailment? That's right

Ain't gonna fast talk your way into this here party.

Ain't never gonna happen to me again. Know what I'm sayin'?

Ain't no ****** ever been good at drawin'.

Ain't nobody following you.

Ain't nobody seen nothin'.

Ain't two of 'em in the history of the world

All African American slaves had to eat

All after the fact?

All because we didn't listen to Huey.

All came out of her 5 percent.

All grownups want to find that perfect person

All he's got in this world is his car, Dorothy.

All I'm sayin' is, you know, shit's real.

All I'm saying is, when Xzibit brings that car back,

All in attendance say "here. "

All in my casket.

All of us.

All outside the church and shit.

All right, all right, all right, we got it. Now, beat it.

All right, all right, all right!

All right, all right, I got the point.

All right, all right, two bucks

All right, all right.

All right, all right. Bye.

All right, come on! All right!

All right, here's the invoice.

All right, Mo, we're five minutes from target.

All right, Mo, we're five minutes from target.

All right, Rue Kue.

All right, the game's up. It's over.

All right, yeah! Way to go!

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right. Amen.

All right. No running in here.

All right. Now!

All sandwiched between...

All that needs to be said is this:

All that was really exposed was the eyes,

All the money I spent on them damn Nikes?

All the money I spent up in this place,

All the time,

All the time.

All they talk about is readin' and eatin' right.

All things considered,

All you gotta do is get on TV with a sob story,

All you're left with is peace and quiet.

Alongside husband Bobby Brown,

Already selling out for the first time.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen. Yeah!

America was outraged.

America will urinate on each and every one of you!

An altercation in a Miami nightclub

An artist who has done his job well

An equal part to the total work.

An exhibition?

An interesting philosophical question.

And 4 million in emotional damages.

And a buttered scone, white boy.

And a couple of light strokes.

And a deep sense of satisfaction.

And a drunken psychopath

And a one, two...

And a pair of fast running shoes

And a three... Wa ta!

And after that, it's over.

And after this meal, nobody passed out.

And all I ask you to do

And all I ask you to do

And all I'm saying is,

And all you got for me is ?

And also the Black Revolutionary Underground Heroes.

And an unidentified assailant following a parking dispute.

And arrested Shabazz..

And as I watched Stinkmeaner move blindly around the ring,

And as the assistant district attorney,

And back to this,

And baked goods for Brother Shabazz?

And because of that, every year,

And big lips can't pronounce.

And bitches in clean Cadillacs

And blacker and then more darker. Huh

And bring me a can of that spray.

And brought to the prison hospital,

And by the way,

And called "masters"?

And cause them misery,

And controversial R & B superstar R. Kelly

And do something they wouldn't expect you to do.

And do that whole thing.

And do what?

And don't forget Ralph Macchio

And draw something even better than this.

And draw something even better than this.

And drink his remedy In silence and tranquility

And eat the same food that just killed Big Mama.

And eavesdrop on every telephone call,

And eavesdrop on every telephone call,

And elementary school theater forever.

And emergency gastrointestinal surgery.

And ended up robbin' the mini mart?

And everyone is welcome to come to Woodcrest.

And everyone knows that bitches don't really check

And everything relating to black people.

And finally, it caught up with me.

And focus on the negative, like who shot at who 118 times,

And for generally being an irresponsible white person.

And for some reason, I thought he was so cool,

And for your information, children,

And get a husband with the benefits.

And get a reverse angle from inside the house.

And get up and do somethin'.

And give the money in the basket,

And give us eternal presents.

And go tell him to get me

And God has rewarded me. Know why?

And guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord,

And had a bit of a coma for a few decades.

And has a mountain of evidence

And have, uh... more cheese.

And he didn't have super hearing.

And he didn't have super hearing.

And he isn't here!

And he turn into Mr. Rogers.

And he'll still be a fucking idiot.

And here's the man himself.

And high maintenance girlfriend.

And hittin' my nether region.

And how long of a nap

And Huey said I couldn't go 'cause he a hater.

And I accidentally pee on Huey?

And I ain't really get sick or nothin'.

And I believe I may have misplaced some merchandise

And I can't believe in the tooth fairy?

And I celebrate you in the name of white Jesus.

And I couldn't do it alone.

And I couldn't see what they looked like.

And I dare God to say something.

And I dare one of these crackers

And I don't care if his momma there, his grandmamma,

And I don't think people usually get ****d in holding.

And I forgot to ask for the money again.

And I had a lemonade ready to cheer him up.

And I hope to harass and beat

And I hope you boys aren't too upset about me

And I just can't begin to tell you

And I just want you all to know

And I just wanted to let you know that,

And I know how your grandfather loves

And I know it's cruelty free, because he said so.

And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word.

And I made a tape.

And I picked it up, and I was like:

And I promise you, you ******s have nothing to celebrate.

And I said, "Fo' sho'."

And I said, no!

And I suppose Gary Coleman painted the Mona Lisa.

And I take their carpet off, and then I got a tragedy

And I think it was important.

And I thought this would be perfect for Martin Luther King,

And I wanna give a big shout out to my homey,

And I want a toilet seat in the trunk.

And I want pasta!

And I want some, uh, 23 inch rims,

And I want the life too.

And I wanted to be him.

And I was havin', like, crazy dreams,

And I was like, "Bitch!"

And I was like: "Well, fuck y'all.

And I was tryin' to get more time on it.

And I work for Mr. Wuncler.

And I'd do it in a jiffy.

And I'd do some things that Ooh, yeah!

And I'll be providing

And I'm like, "Quit cryin', you little bitch!"

And I'm like, "This ****a look blind. "

And I'm Malcolm X, ******

And I'm not gonna be anally ****d,

And I'm not interested.

And I'm tired of driving this piece of shit car he got.

And I'm very selective

And I've decided that you're a figment

And I've got something that I want you to have

And if any of my words don't come directly

And if any of my words don't come directly

And if attacked, you should turn the other cheek.

And if God say something, I'll be like this: "Ooh!

And if R. Kelly goes to jail, I'll piss on your cat!

And if this country didn't have unions and child labor laws,

And if you let them put this man in jail,

And if you teach everyone on earth to love the white man,

And ignorance won.

And in a case of the blind beating the dumb,

And in other news,

And in truth, the world was better off with him dead.

And it changed my life"?

And it quickly became the talk of the town.

And it still is.

And it was finally released by a small publisher.

And it's a dump that ain't the dookie that you wanna take,

And it's a left at the third light.

And it's inexpensive enough to fit well within

And it's on the label.

And it's shutting down.

And Jesus probably hates you for celebrating it.

And just like that,

And just sign they name on someone else's shit

And just what did this white man look like?

And just what do you know about strippers, little man?

And keep your golden showers to yourself.

And lay hands on him

And leaves a dollar under my pillow.

And let me share his word with ya.

And lewd acts with a local minor.

And liberate that little girl.

And little black girls

And look at 'em

And make, like, millions of dollars?

And maybe I'm too young to know

And maybe in Christmas specials.

And maybe there are forces in this universe

And Mo took that from me

And monitor your every e mail,

And never seen again?

And ****as will still start wilin' out.

And no one ever gets the two confused

And no, that ain't no toll free call, partner.

And nobody gets anything for free.

And not have to pay for it.

And not the pretty truth.

And now every ****a in the world gonna be scared to pee.

And now I see I must hate myself and all those like me,

And now I'd like to talk about Soul Plane.

And now the nominees for Video of the Year.

And now the nominees for Video of the Year.

And now we'll have the opening statement

And offer him moral support.

And on Kuumbay Uh, Kuumba

And on our "Talking Points" this evening,

And one thing Ed III had was firepower.

And Oprah fans get ready.

And parking enforcers.

And people give you free stuff.

And probably about half

And public ****a Moments.

And put 'em in your mouth.

And ran out of toilet paper after the second time.

And right now, I'd like to slow it on down

And Riley shot Ed out of a second story window?

And rose from the dead and moved to the North Pole.

And said some ol' deep shit? Made it

And said...

And save me from, you know, work.

And saw they were in great need.

And saying, "Glory to God in the highest and on Earth,

And see a guilty man

And send me to real jail.

And send the sanctuary of your own ignorance

And she comes to school on career day?

And she didn't charge me a dime.

And shot at him 118 times, and beat him.

And so the philosophy of this new political party

And so, brothers and sisters,

And so, by some miracle,

And so, Granddad emerged

And so, ladies and gentlemen,

And so, we are raising the terror alert level

And sometimes there's no such thing as a happy ending.

And speaking of hot, Al Sharpton is hot right now,

And stop the damn dancin'!

And suddenly you too good for soul food.

And suddenly, there was with the angel

And take a little action on the side.

And take out my...

And take your time with that.

And thanks for everything you did.

And that big ass tape recorder

And that goes like:

And that ho can go grocery shoppin'.

And that ****a better pay what he owe!

And that ****a's spittin' on you.

And that there are known unknowns.

And that was really stupid of us.

And that wasn't enough for me.

And that would make me real sad

And that, uh What ? What they call them?

And that's the end of the movie.

And that's what Christmas is all about.

And that's when it hit me.

And that's when one of them dudes

And that's why I,

And that's why you have to go buy my new book,

And the colored folks died before him

And the gas to drive Wuncler back and forth from the stand,

And the government is lyin' about 9/11.

And the manufacturer warranty card was filled out,

And the other up the ass of a 12 year old Indonesian girl.

And the principal's in your office

And the revolution finally came.

And the sixth day of Kwanzaa is Kuji

And the temperature was rising.

And then disappears.

And then I said:

And then I thought, "Boom, I got an idea.

And then I wanted to be a chef,

And then set to harden

And then some ****a started shootin'.

And then there was something about a salad or something?

And then they threw us in the trunk, and...

And then they threw us in the trunk, and...

And then they was about to execute Gangstalicious.

And then your ass is just itchin'...

And there seems to be a gun battle

And there.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

And they are outraged.

And they got that sweet white nectar.

And they liked me.

And they make you wonder why you even bother

And they still have a white man

And they're gonna cut off his head in Algeria!

And they're not delicious... at all.

And things seemed like they was back to normal.

And this bitch stepped on my shoe.

And this is just more proof

And this is my inexplicable head wrap.

And those people in question should, uh...

And to have an attorney present during any questioning.

And to the best of my knowledge,

And to the left. Let's go.

And Tom knew firsthand that a black man

And turn it into a problem.

And two and a half Fig Newtons.

And watch TV?

And we about to pimp

And we are gonna have so much fun.

And we gonna need advanced communication.

And we got Velveeta.

And we gotta love 'em regardless.

And we here at the house of Riley Freeman.

And we said no.

And we'll serve the food that I wanna serve, señor

And we're at terror alert level orange. Orange!

And we're gonna build a new wing onto your house.

And we're just going to head over here

And what about those protesters over there

And what did we get? Nothin'.

And what do you do again?

And what does the family do after she dies?

And what surprised me

And what the heck.

And what we do to show our appreciation?

And what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?

And what's wrong with textin'?

And when it does, you better have your coat.

And white people arrest you.

And white people take time out to study.

And who am I making this out to? Huey Freeman.

And who are you?

And why are you wearing that stupid coat?

And why in God's name are you wearing that coat?

And why should I have to miss out

And with her under our control, nobody will be able to stop us.

And y'all ****as are gay.

And y'all wanna party?

And you about to pay a deductible.

And you ain't got no poems?

And you are? Hey!

And you don't want to be a ******

And you gonna let him get away with that?

And you have to come.

And you just happened to fit the description

And you know they got them short, little skirts nowadays

And you know what they say:

And you know why?

And you lookin' kinda unfamiliar right now.

And you only started doin' the stupid Sunday dinner thing

And you really shot one of them dudes at the hospital?

And you remember that

And you should give Riley a movie theater.

And you shouldn't.

And you slick ****as

And you talk white too.

And you thought we'd be the only black people.

And you told me to come here, and now I'm not gonna listen.

And you wanna know what else?

And you wanna stop and go get snacks?

And you was cryin' 'cause you thought they were gonna ****...

And you went up there and got up on the thing,

And you will show her some respect.

And you wished you had a baby wipe.

And you wouldn't just be saying that 'cause I got a loaded gun

And you wouldn't want that, would you?

And you, turn off that goddamn jungle noise.

And you're gonna act like you like it!

And you're gonna protect me, right?

And your black asses are gonna behave.

And your friend was serving up some pipin' hot

And your grandfather...

And your overall level of health is excellent.

And, baby girl, you're gonna be in the building.

And, now, w w where's that boy?

And, uh, uh And I want five televisions.

And, um Ahem.

And, um..

And, um...

And, you know, the shit scared me.

And? What's your point?

Another happened to be a stenographer

Another on the east wall.

Any particular reason?

Any what? Intel.

Anybody know where they're taping?

Anybody of any race could be an ignorant motherfucker.

Anybody wanna drink out the fridge?

Anyone? Huey?

Anything you want.

Anyway, the beef industry didn't exactly find that shit amusing.

Anyway, when I came to,

Anywhere

Apollo legend.

Apologize for all of the bad blood.

Apparently,

Approximately blah, blah, blah

Aptly named Big Mama.

Are receiving an unprecedented amount of calls

Are those real?

Are you ashamed of us? Very.

Are you blind?

Are you even listenin'

Are you gay, and if so, do you have a gay lover

Are you here to see Mr. Freeman?

Are you kidding?

Are you mad?

Are you really ready to see that vision?

Are you sure I can't sign this one?

Are you sure that vest'll stop this shotgun?

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Aren't you worried about Granddad?

Armed gunmen assault a bookstore

Around the fear of anal ****.

As a huge surprise to everyone, but...

As a matter of fact, the United States Congress...

As a moment when ignorance overwhelms the mind

As an African American woman?

As he contemplated spending the remainder

As her personal bodyguard.

As long as you're ready to start fresh.

As most of these people are gonna get.

As my mind fights to make sense of the impossible,

As Santa Claus makes his first appearance

As usual, nobody even thought about stopping them.

As we take you to a super exclusive

As you can see, Dorothy is way past her prime.

Ass whoopings, wasn't he?

Ass whupping insurance.

Assalamu'alaikum

Assistant District Attorney Thomas DuBois

At 9:00 tonight, they're gonna put me on a bus

At Jazmine's lemonade stand

At least he's here.

At least I don't have to look at your ugly ass no more.

At least, he tryin'.

At other people's expense.

At precisely that time,

At some serious temperatures. How hot is it?

At the community college?

At the tender age of 10, Tom saw a prison movie,

At the tender age of 10, Tom saw a prison movie,

At the time the video was shot.

At the Woodcrest Borders bookstore,

At this point, he can:

At this point, we're resorting

At this residence.

At what point does personal responsibility

At www. FreeToPee. Com. Ooh.

Attracts the wrong kind of crowd.

Aw, damn,

Aw, man.

Aw, shit. Here we go.

Aw, there, there.

Aw, yeah!

Aw, yeah. Come on.

Aw...

Awe, man.

Awww!

Back to Whitesville, fake ****a?

Back when I was in the drug game.

Backup. I need backup.

Bacon wrapped chitlin stuffed catfish?

Bacon?

Bad knee? That ****a had bad eyes.

Bandits. Two of them coming right at us.

Bastard.

Bathroom's upstairs, right?

Be back by dinner.

Be brave, son. Be brave.

Be good for goodness sake.

Be joyful.

Beat it.

Beat me?

Because death sucks and smells

Because each and every one of you

Because God don't like us.

Because he hates America.

Because I don't head butt you in the face

Because I just don't give a fuck!

Because I know people are listenin',

Because I laid my game down quite flat.

Because I thought Mo wanted to make things right,

Because I thought of the name.

Because I'm not interested.

Because it was supposed to have been invented

Because it's in back.

Because it's like the whole generation

Because it's like the whole generation

Because of planning, teamwork and execution.

Because of the shit smell.

Because the enemy cannot see.

Because the swift and measured response of these officers

Because the truth hurts, Jazmine.

Because they don't want you to be free!

Because you got in trouble, your granddad hired me.

Because you saw Soul Food on cable.

Because you're blind,

Because you're miserable.

Become a factor in this equation?

Bed four needs more bacon.

Before I have breakfast

Before taping her show the following evening.

Before the pony was actually hers.

Before then, he didn't know that men got ****d in prison.

Before violence broke out.

Before you did what you did, Frederick.

Before you know it,

Before you start,

Behave.

Behind pork chops and FEMA.

Being a mulatto and all,

Being the bigger man is overrated.

Belt!

Beside, ain't nobody gonna come up here to get us.

Besides, our lawyers told us we couldn't keep the car.

Besides, that situation was different.

Best meal I've had in years, Robert.

Best of luck.

Best start actin' like you're a mannequin or something.

Best thing the good Lord ever did for the planet Earth.

Best... thing... ever.

Bet you wish you had a coat now.

Better come out here and get me, I know that.

Better than nothing.

Between a coffee shop and a day spa.

Between Gangstalicious and Eat Dirt ended in violence.

Between Gangstalicious and his crew

Beware of the false Santa!

Big Daddy.

Big Mama demonstrates her love

Bill collectors, whatever.

Bitch ass ni yagga?

Bitch ass, faggot ass,

Bitch, I hope you got the monies

Bitch, you got 45 seconds, and I'm leavin'.

Bitch, your game is garbage.

Bitches love free food, Robert.

Bitches love smiley faces.

Biz.

Black be gone.

Black Entertainment Television

Black Entertainment Television

Black people don't like to talk about crazy ****as in public

Black television can kill you

Blah!

Bli gah!

Blind!

Body Snatcher Three to Body Snatcher Two,

Body Snatcher Two

Bombs blowin' up.

Boo! from Lickety Split, Virginia,

Boooo!

Boooooo!

Bootlegging the Doobie Brothers concert

Both rappers accidentally shot themselves.

Boy, are you stupid?

Boy, come here. Get over here, now

Boy, Dorothy isn't just a car.

Boy, have you lost your mind?

Boy, Nike makes some good shoes.

Boy, that ain't nothin' but Photoshop.

Boy, what did I tell ya? This is the new white man.

Boy, what is wrong with you?

Boy, you ain't even a talented vandal.

Boy, you better stop rushin' me.

Boy, you better work your mouth

Boy!

Boy? Boy, are you okay?

Boy. Riley.

Boys, stop hatin'!

Boys, stop that. Get off me.

Boys, we're going home.

Boys!

Boys!

Break a leg.

Break it down!

Breakfast lasagna?

Brilliant.

Bring it!

Bring the kids.

Brother.

Brothers and sisters, please.

Brothers and sisters, please.

Brought to you by Sears.

BRUH?

Bullshit ain't nothing but chewed up grass.

Bushido Brown kept that hand.

But But But But that was me.

But a white man told me to do it.

But all my friends rave about it.

But America urinated on R

But as an artist, you must ask yourself,

But at least Tom seemed to have dodged a bullet.

But before you answer that, let me ask America:

But black people on TV for two weeks

But can you believe they want you to go to school for that?

But Christmas miracles only happen

But don't call anyone.

But don't pretend like the man is a hero!

But don't you think you guys are taking this a little far?

But everyone seemed to be enjoying it.

But everything's cool. I'm walkin' to the store.

But for now, the mission had been accomplished.

But he never even paid for the... lemonade.

But he was really annoying,