Head of State (2003) Soundboard Edit

A damn pen! What in the hell am I supposed to do with a pen?

About a man from the 'hood Trying to do the world some good

All right.

America is the richest, most powerful nation on earth.

America needs to change its ways.

And a fine, naked Puerto Rican girl feeding you g****s!

And I am not running against him.

And no place else.

And wave them like you just don't care

And your car just got repo'd

Because I had the good sense to pick my big brother to be my running mate?

Better jobs...

Bill?

Brother!

Bugs would always shoot Elmer Fudd in the face and drop an anvil on his head

But America needs more than that from its Commander in Chief.

But are you?

But as bad as things look, I don't think you should quit.

But before he did it, he said, "First you ******s got to build me a statue."

By the way, nice suit.

Call me Nikki. It will be a pleasure to serve you.

Can we let one guy go in and help this lady get her cat?

Can you get my demo tape to somebody

Checkmate.

Childcare is one of the most important issues facing this country today.

Damn it, we need that money! Why do you make everything so difficult?

Debra Lassiter, left the campaign trail.

Do you know Nato Jacobs?

Don't I know you?

Every time you're doing good trouble just pops up

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Get me some wheels, bitch!

Get my demo to somebody. Anybody.

Give me five.

Go ahead, girl, work it!

Good evening. We're getting married.

He died in a plane crash.

He feels bad, mighty low Got nowhere to go

He feels good Things are going his way

He just might be The President someday

He's a hero.

He's a war hero. He's Sharon Stone's cousin

Here we are

Here's the story about a man

Hey, Lisa Clark. Mays. Why you being so rude, Lisa Clark?

How about a massage?

How about you, thriller? What's going

How many of you clean up a hotel...

How many of you work in a city you can't afford to live in?

Howard Stern rocks!

I am getting so hot I am gonna take my clothes off

I could wait.

I don't know what to say. What department do you want me to work in? Finance?

I just thought I'd give you a little tour.

I thought I told you that we won't stop.

I thought you wanted what was best for the party.

I tried to hug a girl and a boy so I wouldn't seem sexist.

I want a house, I want children!

I was wondering if you find me attractive.

I, Richard Nixon, do solemnly swear....

I'm a Klansman. I hate ******s, ****, and fags, but I love Brian Lewis.

I'm a real American.

I'm a war hero, and I'm Sharon Stone's cousin.

I'm Mays Gilliam...

I'm sorry, I haven't met the gentleman.

I'm the government. I can do anything.

I'm the one running for President.

I'm with him.

I've met mosquitoes with more force than you.

If this is gonna work, it's got to fit me. It's got to be my campaign.

If you love America, vote Mays Gilliam for President.

If you love America, vote Mays Gilliam for President.

Illinois!

In the midst of his own Cinderella story...

Is it true?

Is there trouble inside the Gilliam campaign?

It ain't right!

It was off the hizzle for shizzle.

It's Crib Malt Liquor!

It's incredible.

It's people like you, the church people...

It's to have a debate right now!

Just run your race, get out there, and do what you got to do, okay?

Know what I can't decide?

Less crime.

Let's hope the election's not through

Look at him now He's the head of state

Look at my little brother!

Mark, is that cued up? Roll it, please.

Martin Luther King was an amateur.

Mays Gilliam is turning the establishment on its ear...

Mays Gilliam, and his future First Wifey...

Men and women, what America is about.

My credit is horrible! They won't even take my cash!

My speeches?

New York!

No more questions!

No, I can't say that I do.

No, it's a saying!

No, thanks, but I got to go.

No!

Nobody is talking about conceding, Debra, but let's get real here.

Nobody wants your meat. Who the hell wants to buy stolen meat?

North America.

Now, my agenda

Of course it's on you. It's always on you! You're running for President!

Oh, God.

Okay, you'll get me in trouble.

Okay.

One, two, three....

Paid for by Citizens for Mays Gilliam.

Party's over. I'm fixing to whip your ass.

President of the United States of America.

Say this if you want to, watch that man come sweep your butt off stage.

Security!

See, that's why nobody like your ass.

See?

Sir, we just got this off the uplink.

So this is over. Either you put a stop to it or I will.

So what's up with the two jobs? Bad credit?

Sometimes, you don't know if people like you for you.

Tell me you didn't say that.

Thank God for crime

Thank God for crime.

Thank you for inviting me to Memphis, Tennessee.

Thank you for inviting me to the land of milk and honey.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

That ain't right!

That ain't right!

That shit is wrong!

That's me, Mays Gilliam...

That's my man!

That's what Lewis campaign insiders are saying about the Hollywood star...

The election is now over

The individuals you see before you will help me guide my campaign.

The part of Mays Gilliam's security director...

The question everyone's asking is: "Who will America vote for?"

The roof is on fire!

Then the people will find out what you're all about.

These are my people.

These are your people.

They've got a hidden camera somewhere.

This is messed up This really sucks

This is the moment when you have the opportunity to show boys and girls...

This is what we'll do. You ever watch Bugs Bunny?

This is your security director, Mr. Earl.

This looks like it may come down to California.

To be the head of state

Trying to get to know somebody.

Vote Brian Lewis for President. It's your last chance.

Vote Brian Lewis for President. It's your last chance.

Wait!

Was punched in the face by an angry protestor.

We got nurses that work in hospitals they can't even afford to get sick in.

We got shrimp puffs and cheese snacks...

We need somebody we can trust.

We really should debate.

Were both killed when their planes crashed into each other.

What are you wearing?

What this community needs

What will it be?

What you just did, that was great.

What you looking for, the news? The news is we want to debate!

What's happening, baby? Thanks for what you're doing for my brother. Appreciate it.

What's up?

Where is he?

While Lewis and Mitch Gilliam have been working the campaign trail...

Whites are the majority, but they're not voting. They don't like you.

Who are the backbone of this country.

Who says he has to know?

Why are all these people clapping?

Will be the next President of the United States of America.

Ya heard?

Yo, Lewis!

Yo, when's Martin coming on, man?

You ain't never gonna be able to stay in?

You can't do that!

You can't go dashing off in the middle of the night with some girl.

You can't snub the Teamsters. You want them to endorse Lewis?

You come back. Your leg is chopped off!

You didn't know the camera was on you?

You get to the bar and say, "Bartender, can I have a drink?"

You just have to go, shake hands, take photographs...

You know, this ain't about me!

You think you can say you're sorry and all of this will go away?

You work for 35 years.

You're damn right.

You've come to the gas station a couple of times...

Bail bondsman. Yes, sir.

because our guy isn't black. You got my vote!

Go get them. I'll see you out there.

I've been looking for you. I was looking for you.

Of America. What America?

People don't know what they want to hear. We have to respond.

The race for President.... ...is over.

Who are these people again? The Urban Business Board.

You're just gonna let him go? He's a grown man

Your plans on global warming? Global ice tea.

...Lewis was on the scene comforting parents and students.

...while Mays Gilliam is posting an impressive 47 percent.

"'that all men are created equal. "'

"'We hold these truths to be self evident:

"and live out the true meaning of its creed: