30 Rock - Season 2 Edit

A beautiful mulatto...

A bird?!

A buzz.

A candy cake full of snow dreams?

A Chinese character that she thinks means "peace,"

A class A moron.

A computerized guest appearance from Mr. Jerry...

A dog took it.

A drinking contest?

A few days from now, it will be officially announced...

A gay bomb?

A genius? Isn't he just living a lie to get ahead at work?

A group of fine young men and one special lady.

A guaranteed disaster.

A high five.

A hot guy thinks you're 29.

A little Miss Bonnie Raitt, lights out.

A massive collection of cookie jars, do you?

A million dollars, a yellow Bentley, and nothing.

A Mr. Gary Heingarten?

A page off!

A page off? What's that?

A pair of green tights and a cape

A paparazzo jumps out and takes a picture of me.

A porn video game? It can't be done.

A quandary.

A role model.

A scone. Yes!

A signal goes to Ankle Bracelet Headquarters in Denver,

A terrier?

A tornado hit downtown Detroit, putting out several fires.

A way to show support for our parent company

A whale is in trouble. I have to go!

A what? An alliance.

A woman answered.

A world where orange soda

A younger companion makes you feel more alive.

A youthful companion is the ultimate status accessory.

A.J.'s also selling a speed boat and a truck full of cigarettes

Aaaaaaaaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Oh.

Aah! The squirrel! It's not afraid of people!

Aah! Things are happening!

Aah! Things are happening!

Aah! Uh, Mr. Banks.

About having read that book.

About my mom being homeless?

About old Pete Hornberger.

About succession.

About the big tree or whatever.

About the extra baby foot, too.

About what?

Absolutely not.

Act like adults. Playing it cool.

Acting head of FEMA, temporary acting head of the FBC

Actually draw power even when they're turned off.

Actually I can.

Actually, he looks great. Thank you.

Actually, today's Republican Party

Actually, we do need to resolve the, uh, "Page Six" debacle.

Adding, 'That guy can eat my poo."'

After all the times I have defended you guys

After all, your hair is your head suit.

After having some skanky club sex.

After he farted in my chair.

After he would drink from the air conditioner.

After I switched to another dojo.

After last night's freak snowfall, it's 90 and humid.

After my junior year at Oberlin,

After our night of doing it.

After six reconstructive surgeries,

After you accepted my offer

Against each other to see who can make the most money

Ah, ah, ah, Jack. It's on me.

Ah, nerds!

Ah, the real world calling.

Ah, well, sorry, but I'm not giving anybody money

Ah, yeah. You again. Hello.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Whoa.

Ahh

Ahh, in a way, it's what I wanted.

Ahh! Ahh!?

Aidan!

Aidan! Wait up.

Aidan's a freshman at NYU.

Al Gore?

Al, we're with you on this whole planet thing.

Alcohol?

All aboard on that midnight train?

All aboard?

All aboard?

All day?

All he gets to do is work, eat, love on me, and sleep.

All he's gonna be thinking about is me,

All I can think about is baby hair

All I could think about was Derek Jeter.

All I know is he's from funky North Philly.

All May December relationships end in humiliation.

All my favorites. How did you know?

All my life, work came first.

All of my summer replacement shows were big hits.

All of our prime time shows will feature

All right, but only because I like Earth.

All right, circle up. Circle up.

All right, fine. I admit it.

All right, gentlemen, we should do some work.

All right, honey. Have a good time.

All right, I got a job for you.

All right, I need my job back, but this is not crawling.

All right, I'll see you out there, winner.

All right, I'll send him home.

All right, Jack.

All right, Jack. What's the plan?

All right, Jenna really wants this, huh?

All right, Jerry.

All right, Kenneth.

All right, listen, Seinfeld.

All right, listen. That's enough.

All right, Mom

All right, thank you. Goodbye.

All right, that's a pretty good burn, Patrice.

All right, then. That's settled.

All right, this is ridiculous.

All right, uh, I'm in charge now.

All right, we like R2 D2 and C 3PO.

All right, we should get going 'cause we're going to be late.

All right, what's in the news this week, everybody?

All right!

All right! Let's do this!

All right! My prescription shampoo!

All right? Pronto.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. I'll resign.

All right. Okay.

All right. Thanks.

All right. That's it. I'm telling Jack.

All the cool Republican celebrities.

All these throw pillows for in here,

All this time I've been telling you that we can have it all.

All this... all your success... is because of that certificate.

All Tray had to do was sign his community service papers.

All we want is one more sandwich.

All you do is drink!

All you need is someone to point you in the right direction,

Almost done, almost done.

Almost everything?

Also yes.

Also, I have a star that my aunt named after me.

Also, I'm saving up money for a new humidifier.

Also, my gym is right over there.

Also, we have a lovely doll museum.

Also, you've got so many daddy issues,

Although I did kind of change everything forever.

Although that was recently downgraded to a gas giant.

Always check with me first, Lemon. I have NSA connections.

Always hold them squarely at the base, never by the lid

Always works for me at the bank.

Always.

Am I right, guys?

Am I? That's where the Olsen twins were separated.

Amazing what?

America's government shocked my nuts.

An adult!

An eagle with the head of a bear.

An evening out with the Lemons.

An oasis from the vile obscenity

And "Dateline" predator.

And "ER."

And a black celebrity, such as yourself,

And a little more clackity clack.

And a monkey knocked her into some quicksand.

And a porkpie hat for my head.

And after I state my case,

And Alan Garkel in legal?

And all of its subsidiaries are held financially responsible.

And all regularly scheduled programming is preempted.

And America needs to get over its body image madness.

And an air marshal shot him.

And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know,

And another person's slip says "inspector."

And appeal to our higher reasoning.

And are in the dining room.

And assumed it fell in his ear again.

And behind this trapdoor, more Orcs.

And Berger because he saw me eating a hamburger one time.

And betray the people that we made this commitment to.

And by heroine, I mean lady hero.

And cancel the party.

And converting my laundry and newspaper pile into a nursery.

And covered up for you...

And Deborah is testing off the charts

And Deborah.

And don't ever make me talk to a woman that old again.

And even worse,

And every one of us is gonna say what Christmas means to them.

And everyone agreed that, for the sake of continuity,

And Fall Out Boy will be there, too.

And five free commercials for your animated feature,

And for dinner, I thought we could just stay in

And for what?

And Frank couldn't have done it, because he was with me all day,

And get all the things that you're gonna need in here.

And get all this out of your system.

And get laid by a bunch of grateful 18 year olds.

And get Legal on the phone.

And get me something?

And get overrun by a bunch of sissies?

And get them out of here?

And get this, he's got maps all over his walls.

And get up here.

And give me some air.

And giving America the programs they like

And going downstairs to the Burger King to poop

And guess what I discovered!

And hand him my underwear.

And have the rest of that soup that I made yesterday.

And he also hated the estate tax.

And he does it in one day!

And he doesn't even mention my name?

And he had a droopy lip due to an unattended root canal.

And he has what's called trauma induced niveaphasia.

And he hasn't come back yet and he's not answering his phone.

And he said I'm going to become his successor, so I'm the CEO.

And he said, "Don't worry about it," but then...

And he showed me a back way to the airport.

And he's your Republican celebrity

And he's... he's gonna love it.

And her privates to do a high five.

And here is what you did with your Christmas presents.

And hiding alcohol in perfume bottles.

And his flight on JetFun got canceled.

And his foot lingered.

And his hunting dogs.

And history will remember me.

And how devastated you must be that you're not going to get it.

And how long I've known you

And how much attention they get.

And how much he personifies the Olympic spirit.

And I am a great neighbor.

And I am appalled to hear you engage

And I am going to win with...

And I am not embarrassed

And I am not going to let you give up.

And I am still their best candidate.

And I bought some land in the Ninth Ward after Katrina.

And I can't drink! I still got my Hollywood sock on

And I can't flip it back.

And I can't have booze because I'm on antibiotics

And I cannot play the guitar.

And I choose you.

And I couldn't say no. They're very nice people.

And I decided that I want to help.

And I did do a fabulous job finishing my muffin

And I didn't bring it up last night

And I didn't even ask to get off the catapult

And I didn't want to ruin it.

And I don't care what people say.

And I don't know why I lied to you guys

And I don't want to get shot today.

And I don't want to risk that.

And I don't want to stab you in the face with a giant fork.

And I don't want you to go into a coma

And I feel great about it.

And I forgive all of you in advance

And I go to jail.

And I guess we have to get married now.

And I have to do it soo...

And I have to do that thing that rich people do

And I just liked how it looked so I kept it.

And I just want you to know

And I just, uh... I just wish I could get it back.

And I kind of want to get to know my new home,

And I know now that I'm definitely ready.

And I know that I should hate you, but I can't.

And I learned that anything is possible.

And I like her.

And I love how she enjoys crawling into cabinets

And I need some women to attend

And I need to stay the hell away from them.

And I never would have done it if it weren't for you.

And I put it inside that cookie jar.

And I remember...

And I said I hope he dies in a car explosion.

And I sealed it up so tight,

And I sent my assistant

And I think it's because I'm a woman.

And I think that my future father in law

And I thought you could write it.

And I thought you were cool last night.

And I tried looking in the last place you'd ever expect,

And I used to make my friends act out your skits the next day.

And I want to leave it that way.

And I was misinformed about the time?

And I was ready to speak for them.

And I was so embarrassed by it that I rarely spoke in class.

And I will be king of the assistants!

And I will not rest until this company

And I wolfed my Teamster sub for you.

And I work around C.C.'s schedule in Washington.

And I work around C.C.'s schedule in Washington.

And I would like you to come.

And I would love to honor her.

And I you.

And I'd just go ahead and stare at that cookie jar.

And I'll be right down.

And I'll come up with something you'll really be proud of.

And I'll have them tearing at each other

And I'll wait till tomorrow

And I'm 29, so...

And I'm denying your resignation.

And I'm gonna love you like my boss is watching.

And I'm gonna watch it alone in my office.

And I'm here?

And I'm like, "What do you think you are, alcohol?"

And I'm like, Ha ha ha la la la la?

And I'm not going to hide it any longer.

And I'm proud of her

And I'm sure you think he's weak right now,

And I'm very positive that I'm gonna meet someone else.

And if I do, you'll stop trying to destroy me in front of Geiss?

And if we do do that, it'll be huge.

And if you don't mind,

And if you read his recent interview

And if you set a curfew, stick to it.

And if you want to get rid of her, then you will fire me also.

And if you want to paper shred, you flip the switch to...

And in spite everything,

And isn't that the essence of art?

And it prevents you from dealing with this.

And it started out great and then it was awful

And it was like, "Check this out, Jeter.

And it was probably Toofer.

And it will be revealed...

And it's gonna hurt like hell.

And it's hard to even remember how it all began.

And it's just... Oh, shoot. Hold on. I'm sorry.

And it's kind of hard to take life advice

And it's making me horny!

And it's why it's impossible to pull this off.

And its noble inhabitants.

And learning about the non reproductive aspects

And leave you regretting all the things you didn't say

And let none of us forget that the GOP is the party of Lincoln.

And lives uptown.

And look what's happened. I've become one of them

And make a pizza with what you've got?

And make a pizza?

And make it legal for a man to marry his own dog.

And me and it... We're teaming up to fight illiteracy.

And my brother, Mitch, are in town.

And my name is...

And no more white boys throwing up in my damn foyer!

And not because of my band.

And not just the fatties and the butter faces.

And now an Indian guy got up to use the bathroom,

And now he's here and I don't know what "crash" means.

And now I finally have my platform.

And now I'm wearing this! What is the deal with my life?!

And now it's over.

And now Jerry wants to pull the plug.

And now she's my favorite singer.

And now things are gonna change around here.

And now we can basically make him do or say whatever we want.

And now? This time of the year?

And offensive to both the red states

And on a personal level, I just like you more when you're fat.

And on and on! Do you have it?

And once a week, I rent it out to the good people

And one beloved American comedy star.

And one person's slip says "murderer,"

And only then will we make our decision.

And our relationship has never been better.

And pretend to be foreign.

And pretend you're doing a survey for the Ranford Group.

And pretends to be your father.

And pull her tube top down

And put in the special class held in the boiler room.

And put on some Gladys Knight?

And second of all, it is your fault,

And sell it in the ******* part of Midtown

And sell your autograph at the car show?

And send them to the Ritz Carlton, please?

And she does have her own Lifetime movie.

And she does it like her dad's a minister.

And she got custody of Grizz.

And she is a Democratic congresswoman

And she is my lover.

And she's right... We should be pushing the envelope.

And should you ever go to the convention in Sarasota,

And sing Christmas carols like I did last year.

And so do all New York based sports teams!

And so I want to offer you a consultant credit.

And something doesn't make sense.

And start that screenplay.

And tell kids how outsourcing means cheaper toys at Christmas.

And tell me what you think.

And tell my wife's sister to disregard all my e mails.

And tell the kids how big business

And thank you for letting me try that thing I tried.

And thanks to you,

And that crap doesn't start until college.

And that creepy little one

And that man cannot be trusted.

And that way I should be able to stay ahead of this.

And that would mean I would be spending my birthday here, so...

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

And that's not all that matters.

And that's the problem.

And that's what made my Mom's friend Ron move in.

And the community center is going to stage my play!

And the dipping sauce. Oh, joy!

And the fact that I do not have one idea how to solve this

And the fall of 1972,

And the gayer blue states

And the liquor store museum.

And the Massachusetts public school system

And the media are so obsessed

And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil

And the only way I can feel better about myself

And the other condition... I'm with him all the time.

And the other team was completely...

And the pent up, unresolved anger I have toward him,

And the smell of bacon.

And the train missed their heads by inches.

And the tribunal was just about to make

And their two faced, fat cat executives.

And then ask my wife if she's sleeping with D.L. Hughley.

And then he cheated on me with a lamb.

And then he'll come back and I can cancel

And then I'm gonna die,

And then I'm gonna meet a supercute guy in heaven.

And then just trust the fact that the husband will come.

And then making a killing.

And then my uncles will slit your throat.

And then say, "Smooth move, ex lax."

And then they'll buy some of my cider.

And then we get Tracy to call him a

And then you asked him if he was single

And then you didn't even offer me one.

And then you just reach inside yourself,

And then you lost the entire script

And then you'd have two Geisses.

And then, "Zzzzt! Zzzzt!" In my underpanties.

And there are gonna be some changes

And there are only two nicer offices in the whole building.

And there are some wonderful crazy surgical options.

And there's nothing you can do to stop us.

And these are the reasons you should choose us

And they all seem to really hate my grandpa

And they leave you for someone less complicated.

And they think she looks better here

And they won't even recognize me

And they won't listen,

And they're gonna be disappointed and angry.

And this award you just got?

And this betting parlor in the Pennsylvania coal mining country

And this bra is held together with tape.

And this is his son, Richard, from a previous marriage.

And this is my brother Hakim.

And this is my woman.

And to think I wanted you to lose this weight.

And try not to dress like a small town lesbian.

And turn it into commercials and pie charts and triangle graphs!

And turn it into the biggest Lane Bryant in Midtown?

And two, I would not let this city change me.

And upsetting to the voters.

And use the money to get us a Nintendo Wii?

And vents and other enclosed spaces,

And visit my girlfriend, C.C.

And was technically dead for 57 minutes

And Watergate. Uh bup bup bup bup.

And we bar her for life.

And we had a great time.

And we put the ham in Pat Weaver's office.

And we would love it if the Subway Hero could help us out.

And we'll all sleep on it?

And we're gonna go see "Jersey Boys" on Broadway,

And we're gonna go to that restaurant

And what about our tickets to "Spamalot"?

And what about your family? Any skeletons there?

And what animal best describes you.

And what did I get?

And what did your mother mean

And what does that entail?

And what is the champagne situation here?

And what was that, exactly?

And when everyone shows up and it sucks?

And when I grab on, I do not let go.

And when was the last time you had intercourse?

And when you did that morning radio show the other week,

And where are their uniforms?

And while you're there, try to get me some Adderall.

And who are the biggest gossips on "TGS"?

And who's wearing a one piece swimsuit instead of underwear.

And worst of all, Jack won't like me anymore.

And you also got into it because it pays well,

And you are the mother.

And you didn't even notice!

And you do know

And you do not want to make a Harvard man angry.

And you don't look good in jeans from behind.

And you find that a little scary?

And you find the strength that you didn't even know you had

And you give me the name of that country you went to.

And you had tailor made suits and a little place here

And you let me run this for one week.

And you make sure you pleasure her.

And you paid me a nickel to bust up your chifforobe

And you put the idea in her head.

And you shouldn't torture whales.

And you smell awesome

And you still haven't blown it completely,

And you two tell me what exactly it is you want from me?

And you will always be a loser!

And you will not believe who it was.

And you, let's face it, are a pinko nutjob.

And you're booked on the "Today" show.

And you're fired.

And you're gonna give me a new page jacket.

And you're not gonna make it.

And you're weird and you're socially retarded.

And you've already saved this company

And you've got to stop telling people how to run their lives.

And your moms didn't want me around no more

And your name is probably something like Melissa.

And your sex life checks out real nice.

And your sons, Robert and Jack.

And your weight?

And, also, I saw you do it.

And, finally, I'd like to thank you, Pacific Rimmers,

And, frankly, could only work if somehow we could get the enemy

And, Miss Lemon.

And, needless to say, you've hurt me personally.

And, no, Mr. Donaghy's pants are not in the ladies' room

And, of course, a very special blond lady.

And, of course, that means new opportunities.

And, tonight, one winner.

And, uh, ironically viewing some Canadian pornography.

And, uh...

And, up here, we have a real person, like Han Solo.

And?

Angie and Grizz is coming by to drop some of my stuff off.

Angie got me up at 7:30 today.

Angie is gonna kill us.

Angie is in the past,

Angie kept my Sharper lmage

Angie, I know you and I got off on the wrong foot here,

Animal customers? That's ridiculous.

Another woman already? What did you say to her?

Any grandchildren?

Any ideas?

Any weird sex stuff I should know about?

Any... random... number.

Anyone.

Anything in between has no place on television.

Anytime. You name it.

Anyway, enjoy.

Anyway, give me a call.

Anyway, give me a call.

Anyway, I didn't read "The Lovely Bones

Anyway, I was wondering when you were gonna come to me for this.

Anyway, my mother called to tell me

Anyway, unless there's something else,

Anyway, we won,

Ape attack!

Ape attack!

Ape attack!

Apology accepted, Kenneth.

Apparently, Sabor de Soledad gets its special tangy flavor

Apparently, the only way to get respect around here

Are bare feet in now or do you just have your shoes off?

Are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.

Are removing their brassieres

Are the lightning bolts supposed to be going in or out?

Are the two greatest things that's ever happened to me.

Are there any from prisons?

Are there?

Are those friends of yours?

Are we at the part where we just become friends again?

Are we still on for tomorrow night?

Are you all right?

Are you all right?

Are you an immigrant?

Are you concerned about my heart, sir?

Are you eating those Mexican cheese curls?

Are you even listening to me?

Are you familiar with the Bradshaw Clinic?

Are you familiar with the Church of Practicology?

Are you gonna cry?

Are you gonna cry? Yeah, she's gonna cry.

Are you gonna do Horny Santa again, Frank?

Are you happy now, you son of a bitch?

Are you hungry?

Are you imitating me?

Are you James Carville?

Are you kidding me?

Are you looking at porn?

Are you making waffles? No. Quiet.

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you saying actors can't change the world?

Are you saying you want me to help you?

Are you steppin' up on me?

Are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude.

Are you sure? What about artificial insemination?

Are you taking a stand now by not giving us grandkids?

Are you trying to get me killed?

Are you, like, a friend of my mom's or something?

Aren't you the gal who pioneered the Button Classic campaign?

Aren't you, Aidan?

Aris would kill me if I ever bought a dress on sale.

Arrrrhh!

As a hanger for a wedding dress.

As a joke.

As a modus vivendi common to whole groups of man."

As acting head of the FBC, I oversee the EWPC,

As I thought she was,

As if your father were sitting there, okay?

As in Don Geiss' daughter.

As my mom used to say, "You never want this to happen."

As part of a healthy breakfast.

As part of the due diligence for the DTW deal,

As the new Homeland Security Director

As you know, we've sunk a lot of money

Asking you to come back.

At a Red Roof Inn.

At a restaurant.

At all the Eisenhower rallies.

At CNBC for the next year.

At General Electric,

At getting that promotion?

At Kenneth Parcell's last party ever.

At Kenneth's party.

At least I don't live with my mom. Ow!

At my own sham bachelor party.

At night? Okay, that sounds great.

At our first practice, they asked me what the sun was.

At some point, I want to spend more time with my grandkids.

At that Islanders game.

At that laser tag place on 12th Avenue.

At the erectile dysfunction companies.

At the same hospital I was born at on Coney Island, all right?

At the XXIX Summer Olympics in Beijing.

At you, Jenna. At.

Attaboy. Eat it up, Cleveland.

Attention, all. Attention, all.

August 9th, 4:17 p. M?

Available exclusively at your local drug store.

Aw, blurgh!

Aw, come on, man!

Aw, damn! It's the wrong track

Aw, Jack, the choice is yours.

Aw, no can do, pally.

Aw, you're just saying that.

Aw! Psych! You got me, Mitch!

Aw. What a shame.

Awesome.

Aww! Aww! Aww! Aww!

Baby, you got to go.

Bachelor party? Indeed

Back off, Jack, or you'll be Greenzo'd!

Back then we didn't have pages, you know.

Back to his apartment,

Bad news, archers.

Bald headed Pete for setting up the satellite,

Balena?

Balena?

Banks here says he can pin you.

Banks is joining my family

Banks is trying to shame me into leaving.

Banks would do... anything for the company.

Banks, don't do this. Don't marry Kathy.

Banks, have you lost your mind?

Banks! Banks knows! He can back me up.

Banks.

Banks.

Banter!

Barry the Humping Dog

Baseball is a wonderful sport, boys.

Baseball taught me how to win. Baseball taught me how to dream.

Basically he's just stuck in the day before his accident.

Battery's dead.

Be careful. I'll cry.

Be me now.

Be that as it may, Rosemary is my idol.

Be with me, C.C.

Because "it" means business.

Because everyone knows the weight of a lie

Because he incinerated them

Because he is a class A moron.

Because he's 17!

Because his cousin Teddy used Dennis' Social

Because I am not taking the bullet for this!

Because I didn't have a lot of friends.

Because I forgot my computer.

Because I have nothing to give another man! 'Cause you have no income of your own.

Because I know a lot of people!

Because I know who I am.

Because I let it happen,

Because I think he forgot that you're a person.

Because I tried to put them in the outfield.

Because if you hadn't created this show,

Because it's easier to do that

Because Northrax kills you within 10 seconds.

Because of my arrogance, the team is now in chaos.

Because of my reticence, they assumed I was stupid.

Because our mother never baked us any cookies

Because our team was all white

Because people recognize me and I get off on it.

Because she's trying to prove that your family

Because the guy with the weird hobby

Because the Lemons are not what they appear to be.

Because the room service there is "too salty."

Because they both require everything of you.

Because they feel bad about themselves.

Because this Indian guy that he was working for...

Because we were having so much fun,

Because we're developing a spin off,

Because you are better than you.

Because you downloaded a virus on my computer?

Because you're a liar.

Because you're acting all happy and full of life.

Because your life seems endless.

Because, you know, I don't need society's permission

Becoming the celebrity face of the Republican Party?

Before he gets on a plane to Cleveland.

Before he takes off and I never get the chance again.

Before I left for New York.

Before she realized she didn't want children.

Before we all leave for the break.

Before your enemies find out.

Being due two weeks from now?

Being with Dennis is easy.

Believe in yourself!"

Besides, you owe me.

Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie!