South Park - Season 1 Edit

A fecalphiliac is somebody who's obsessed with mookie stinks, Kyle.

A little higher and you've got it.

A lot of our fans ask us:

A Mr. Hankey Construction Set!

A pig and an elephant's genes won't splice.

A rare duck billed platypus! It's coming right for us!

A reward for fans who pay attention?

A small, white bread, mountain town called South Park.

A squeaker!

A whole world of opportunity is opening up.

Actually, sometimes a man doesn't love a woman...

Adiposity. Corpulence.

After all, hunting sober is like fishing sober.

After Cartman eats Weight Gain 4000, he gains 700 pounds.

After centuries of waiting, I finally have the Triangle of Zinthar!

After I'm on television, I'm gonna be totally famous.

After this, my uncle will take me hunting in Africa.

Aliens!

All I wanted was to genetically engineer something useful. I failed.

All right then, here's a tulip.

All right, boys. Show us what you've brought.

All right, but take your grampy with you.

All right, everyone, it's time to give out canned food to the poor.

All right, I'll roshambo you for it. Ready?

All right, men, give her everything you've got!

All right, Richard!

All right. Yeah, okay.

All the blood and mucus, the sound of bone and sinew coming apart...

All the little Indians to the center of the stage.

All the little pioneers on this side of the stage.

All the other zombies will turn back to normal.

All this time... Why didn't you tell me, Father?

All we know right now is that some of our children...

All we know right now...

All you bastards ruined Christmas.

All you have to do is fart and the visitors are sure to come.

All you need to know is Miss Ellen's a lesbian...

Amen.

An elephant have sex with a pig.

An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig

An elephant takes a while to get drunk.

An elephant won't make love to a pig.

And a videotape that might embarrass him.

And action!

And black Army CIA helicopters and trucks.

And can't we do a little better than creamed corn...

And Channukah can be cool too.

And for dying for my sins. That was nice of you.

And he throws it to Kyle, the little ******* kid.

And here's another present, from Wendy

And I dug up your great grandma's skeleton and had my way with her.

And I will be the biggest, most famous person ever!

And if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass!

And in the very, very black corner...

And Kyle has a dad? And Kenny has a dad?

And maybe we can beat them even more next year.

And now back to America's Stupidest Home Videos.

And now back to Jesus and Pals.

And now back to Jesus and Pals...

And now I am so close.

And now our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus.

And now our very own South Park Elementary chef...

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, America's Stupidest Home Videos.

And now, America's Stupidest Home Videos. Here's your host, Bob Saget.

And now, here to present the award...

And now, our last talent show finalist...

And now, South Park Elementary presents The Birth of Jesus.

And slowly my bedroom door opened. The next thing I remember..

And so now, sit back, relax, and enjoy "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

And sometimes the man puts his hoo hoo dilly...

And that's who she was with last: Mr. Garrison.

And the award for the very best costume goes to...

And the person who scored highest on the quiz..

And the president responded by saying, quote:

And the winner is, naturally, "Little Boy Being Hit by a Train."

And then I saw him

And then, Ned picked up the grenade and boom! Blasted his arm clear off!

And they had big heads and black eyes.

And this is old Scratch. Say hi, old fellow!

And to think, I actually watched your HBO special.

And we must stop cutting down Christmas trees.

And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains.

And what a nice alarm clock! Thank you, Stan

And what did Wendy get me? Oh, it's the Yellow Mega Man!

And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F, boom!

And without the swelling, you'll really notice.

And you only got 20 minutes before Sanford and Son is on!

And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbows!"

And your socks smell like a garden?

And, finally, "Young Child Gets Hit by a Train."

Ants in the Pants? Ants in the...?

Ants in the Pants?!

Any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?

Anybody know any non Santa or non Jesus Christmas songs?

Anybody know what a canned food drive is? Yes, Eric.

Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute, Miss Ellen.

Anyone here could be your father. I'm afraid you're never going to know.

Anyway, all of y'all sit back, relax and enjoy "Pink Eye."

Anyway, I'll put together a crack team of my best workers...

Anyway, if you'll come with me in my car...

Anyway, Kenny, Yellow Mega Man is only $8.95.

Anyway, sit back, relax and have a rootin' tootin' good time...

Anyway, some of you have brought something special for show and tell.

Appetizer.

Are you guys a... A couple, if you know what I mean?

Aren't they ever gonna wake up?

Aren't you curious about the insanity Barbra exhibits?

Aren't you hungry, Kenny?

As horrible as they were, they felt like a part of me.

As I turn and look into the sun...

As some people try to save their town, others look for the missing people.

As the day progresses, more South Park residents...

As UFO sightings increase...

As your counselor...

Ask them for your little brother back.

Asked why he was wreaking havoc on his hometown...

At 5, she wanted to be a singer.

At first I was happy you took him, but I've learned something:

At least I have the walkie talkie Robert gave me.

At least let us sc**** him off the field!

At my lab, we can do DNA genetic testing.

At this rate, all my cattle will die before the winter's through.

Athletes are treated better because they're better people.

Aw, heck. Do I have a choice?

Back to Terrance and Phillip.

Back to Terrance and Phillip.

Back to the studio

Barbra!

Barf is gross.

Be a man, Stan. Just say, "Hey, woman! You shut your mouth and make babies!"

Be careful not to fall in the pool below you.

Be here at this time tomorrow to discuss the terms.

Be passive, okay?

Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. My son, I think we've finally done it.

Bebe, this is your line.

Because Cartman cheated and won the essay contest.

Because I burn them and kill them?

Beefcake. Beefcake!

Before we start, here's a non offensive...

Before you beat my face into a bloody pulp...

Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!

Behold, he is already upon us.

Behold, the Evil One approaches.

Being a big fat ass.

Being gay is part of nature and a beautiful thing.

Being naughty with the football.

Being new can be tough. But I'm your friend, m'kay?

Being on TV or some stupid assassination?

Bench.

Bet you wish you didn't give me that triangle. Dumb ass!

Betting against your lord and savior. I am disgusted!

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Billy, help me stick this fork in the outlet.

Billy...

Birthday!

Bitch. Your mom is a bitch.

Black as the night.

Blessed art thou. Next caller, you're on the air.

Bob Saget.

Bob.

Book depository. Depository.

Boring!

Boy, looks like this kid needs some therapy.

Boy, Mr. Hat, being hot and sexy is fun for a while, but it does get boring

Boys, I need to get serious for a minute.

Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, for our science fair project...

Boys, what drove you to the edge and changed you into demonic bastards?

Brains

Brains.

Brilliant idea.

Brilliant idea. Huge, elephant sized pigs.

Bring in more diverse food...

Bring me Jesus!

Brush and floss. Where has that finger been?"

But all must take every precaution

But as an extra incentive...

But by 6, her goal was to rule the universe.

But he didn't give it back. I kicked him...

But he's our science fair project!

But I think we've learned some important lessons. I think...

But I won the environmental essay contest!

But I'll try to make things as easy as possible for all of us.

But I'm changing that to Yellow Mega Man...

But I've gotta put a hat on my master's head.

But it was here, right here. There was a techno dance club.

But Kenny's dead now. You're always gonna be my nephew.

But my dog found his own way. That makes him smarter...

But now, hot lava will engulf them...

But remember, if you play "I'm Natasha Henstridge" with your friends...

But she's coming to South Park, and I know how to make it better.

But that thing just beat Leonard Maltin and Sidney Poitier.

But there's a part of homosexuality that's unexplored...

But this next one, "Damien," is our favorite.

But this year we're gonna booby trap it.

But those poor turkeys, they're all dead.

But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric.

But we have to kill him every episode. This is one of our favorite deaths.

But you don't get involved with the child.

But, Mom, I need it for tomorrow!

By Friday, we'll clone a whole human. Good luck with your pig.

By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?

Bye bye. Merry Christmas.

Bye, Kyle. Happy Channukah.

Bye, Kyle. There's no reason for you to come...

Bye, Miss Ellen!

Bye, Wendy.

Call me. I'm in the book.

Camel.

Can anybody tell me who left these arrowheads here?

Can I eat in the living room, Mom?

Can I have my walkie talkie back?

Can I help you?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Can we beat the spread against Middle Park?

Can you make an elephant smaller?

Can't anybody help me? Doesn't anybody care?

Can't go on.

Care to put your tongue in my mouth?

Careful now, Kenny. Those are very, very dangerous

Carlos!

Carol, where are the porta potties?

Carry on.

Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a Pop Tart.

Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

Cartman, goddamn it!

Cartman, how come my invitation...

Cartman, those pictures were taken, like, last month.

Cartman? Oh, boy, I was worried there for a second.

Cartman? What are you doing dressed up like an Indian with a bear necklace?

Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut

Cartman's not showing up for school.

Caught you red handed! No pictures of Kathie Lee!

Check it out, dude. It's got little drawings on it.

Chef says you have to make love by the fire.

Chef, call Robert Smith of The Cure.

Chef, the South Park Cows' coach, is nervous.

Chef, you're so strong.

Chef!

Chef!

Chef!

Children, as you all know, Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford...

Children, I have some difficult news.

Children, Nancy Sinatra was a choice piece of ass...

Children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.

Children, remember the Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest...

Children, that was a long time ago, but I'll tell you what I remember.

Children, that's a problem we've all had to face at some time or another.

Children, these kinds of shows are senseless, vile trash.

Children, we could make a fortune with this.

Children, we've just received word from the mayor...

Children, you can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant...

Children, you shouldn't not like somebody...

Chocolate milk!

Christ, look at that little bastard go!

Christ.

Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh, my!

Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey.

Church and state are separate.

Code six. 1 05 northbound, Route 52.

Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend.

Combine my elephant with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants.

Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!

Come back here!

Come back here! Come back! Damn it, we were so close!

Come down here, you stinking aliens!

Come on in, little fellow. Nobody will ever oppress you here.

Come on you guys, let's go home.

Come on, Chef, haven't you heard of a "manage oh three"?

Come on, children, what can be so bad? It's Salisbury steak day.

Come on, everybody, back to New York.

Come on, everybody, let's do the drunken barn dance.

Come on, gang, don't fight.

Come on, get the go cart going.

Come on, grab those cans, little boy!

Come on, hurry up.

Come on, keep drinking.

Come on, kiddies. Eat more.

Come on, kill it!

Come on, let me kick you in the nuts for it!

Come on, let's go! What the...?

Come on, Mary, push!

Come on, Ned. And keep quiet.

Come on, Ned. Let's get to the bookie!

Come on, people. We've got to turn this place around.

Come on, sissy. Hit me. Hit me!

Come on, Stan, don't you know where you would go?

Come on, Stan.

Come on, you little bitch.

Come on, you little wuss, fight!

Come on! We'll get a delay of game penalty.

Come on. I have an idea.

Come on. Kyle's mom will make tuna fish sandwiches.

Come on. We can still catch the end of the fight.

Come to school with me so I can prove I'm not crazy.

Coming this Sunday, a television event that will blow you away.

Coming up next on the special, Phillip farts on Terrance and laughs.

Congratulations on writing the winning paper.

Corny Thanksgiving!

Could it be that aliens are trying to make contact with us on Earth?

Couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet?

Couple of days? Terrance will have his clone tomorrow.

Cows, I got you cornered. Let's see you get away now.

Crap!

Crazy cracker's always leaving detergent.

Cup her perky breasts in my hands and put my hand on her nice, tight buns.

Cut the damn rope, already!

Cut! Print that. Excellent, Sid.

Daddy, no!

Damien

Damn it, I didn't have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Damn it, I gave it to you so you would shut up!

Damn it, where's your car?!

Damn it!

Damn it! My little brother's trying to follow me to school again.

Damn this beautiful face of mine. Damn it to hell!

Damn your black heart, Streisand!

Damn, baby, you cut right to the chase.

Damn, he could be anywhere! I'll send out an APB.

Damn, I'm not the only one who's thought of killing her.

Damn! Damn! I guess it will just have to be you and me, Miss Cartman.

Damn! I gave you sweet loving five minutes ago!

Dance! Dance, damn you!

Dang, you guys.

Darling, look. Thanksgiving turkeys.

Dead people getting up and walking around...

Death

Death to the holy. The wrath of the fallen angels now waits for you all!

Deformed how?

Democrats piss me off!

Did any of you see the alien spaceship last night?

Did you hear? Kathie Lee Gifford is coming to South Park!

Did you notice that mole on her neck with hair growing out of it?

Did you see that? I was imperiled by that ferocious charging buck.

Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?

Didn't you notice how her left arm is longer than the right one?

Die!

Dildo!

Disintegration is the best album ever!

Do we go to the fight or Cartman's birthday?

Do you actually think that Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this?

Do you come at the gene splicing of DNA from personal experience?

Do you have strong ethical views on whether we should tamper with nature?

Do you hear something? I think I hear flower children calling.

Do you know where he is?

Do you like to dance?

Do you need to go to the nurse?

Do you need to sit in the corner until your gas is under control?

Do you need to sit in time out for a minute?

Does anybody have a can opener?

Does he think we're crazy?

Does my hair look okay?

Does the triangle have two snakes joined at the middle?

Doesn't seem right without Kyle.

Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay.

Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!

Don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on.

Don't feel too bad, kid. I never knew who my father was either

Don't forget your assignments. They're due for everyone but Stan.

Don't get too carried away now.

Don't hurt me.

Don't kick the baby.

Don't let him touch you, or you'll die.

Don't look there, Phillip, you're gonna get farted on.

Don't mind him. He's a very disturbed little boy.

Don't shoot anything human.

Don't touch your eyes. I'll prescribe some antibiotics.

Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?

Don't worry, dude, we can watch it at my house.

Don't worry, we'll take care of him.

Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime.

Don't you ever learn?

Don't you see? Kenny's a zombie. Along with everyone else in town.

Don't you see? This is the one time of year...

Down by the fire?

Drive the car, damn it! Drive!

Duck and cover

Dude, check it out. Cartman's mom made chili.

Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet.

Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again.

Dude, I can't wait to win that $ 1 0,000.

Dude, Jesus is getting his butt kicked. You've got to fight, Jesus.

Dude, Kenny is dead. See?

Dude, sick!

Dude, this is pretty f* * * ed up.

Dude, this is pretty f* *ked up right here.

Dude, we have to tape Not Without My Anus.

Dude, we should be videotaping this. We could make another $ 1 0,000.

Dude, what does the note say?

Dude!

Dumb asses! You give up on your stupid science fair project?

Elvis? I'm Evel Knievel

Engelbert Humperdinck was the first man on the moon. Who was the second?

Eric Cartman.

Eric is obviously suffering from some kind of emotional distress, m'kay?

Eric kicks ass.

Eric, keep quiet! I'm trying to sleep.

Eric, the day I met your father, it was like magic.

Eric, what do you think you're doing?

Eric, you are the coolest guy in the world. This is tremendous tea.

Even old Scratch here.

Every turkey dies. Not every turkey truly lives.

Everybody go home!

Everybody in town is upset with you.

Everybody, you gotta help the children!

Everyone came as Chewbacca?

Everyone thinks that to do South Park, we must be wild rock stars...

Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand.

Everyone, regardless of your religion, should celebrate Christmas...

Everything should be spliced with everything.

Evil down to their black hearts, which pump not blood...

Excellent, A minus.

Excellent.

Except for Kenny's family. To them, $6.99 is two years' income.

Except for that last one, he's a bit tubby.

Except when it comes to Barbra Streisand. We hate her.

Excuse me, I am a lost little boy. Could you help me?

Excuse me, Kitty.

Excuse me. I just talked to the bookie.

F* * * * * g f* * *heads.

F* *k you.

Farewell, fools.

Fart.

Fartboy? Perhaps they won't call me that anymore.

Feel my wrath!

Fight, damn it.

Filling in for quarterback is number 1 2, Kyle Broflovski

Finally, a boy from South Park, Colorado..

Finally, the triangle is mine!

Fine. How are you guys?

Fine. We were just about to run it from the top.

Fire drill, fire drill! Everybody out! Okay, children, this is your chance.

Fire in the hole!

First contact with the alien visitors. I've gotta get myself ready.

First South Park, then the world.

First, I kick you in the nuts. Then you kick me in the nuts.

First, it's "Dog Who Puts Hat on Master's Head."

Five minutes until recess is over, you little bastards.

Follow your dreams.

Food's here. That's it for the appetizers.

Fools. You are all fools.

For crimes against this country, you are to be shot into the sun.

For instance, here's a monkey with four asses.

For recipes, please press one. For product placement, press two.

For several months, we were locked into a cold, dark, little room...

For shocking people who give granola.

For so long I've waited to find the other triangle.

Forget about that genetic engineering.

Forget it. No Kathie Lee, no public interest.

Four boys from South Park, Colorado...

French people piss me off.

Friends?

From everyone's accounts, I've narrowed down Eric's possible father...

From the Egyptian pharaohs to the shoguns of Japan.

Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball, they run for a touchdown!

Gay dog.

Gayness has existed since the beginning of time.

Gently, yet firmly.

Get him out of here before he hurts anybody.

Get it off, get it off me!

Get off my property, you brain eating zombie bastards.

Get outside her, Ned! I can't get a shot in from here.

Get the hell out of here, Johnson. I don't want no goddamn pinkeye.

Get the hell out, I said! Party's over, get out, goddamn it!

Get to sleep and think about how your mother has to clean that bathroom.

Give me a little pepper. Give me a little salt.

Give them hell, Stanley!

Go ahead

Go away, Indian Companion!

Go find another table, new kid.

Go to your homes and arm your...

Go to your homes and arm yourselves with whatever you can.

God bless America. You get into my office before anyone else sees you.

God bless you, Kathie Lee!

God, please deliver those darling kids from...

God, please deliver...

Goddamn it, give me my triangle!

Goddamn it, I just got that van! How are we supposed to get home?

Goddamn it, not again.

Goddamn it, they didn't do anything to my ass! It was just a dream.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn, I love football!

Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!

Golly, that isn't very nice. I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.

Good boy. Now shake.

Good boy. Now, don't be gay!

Good idea. Okay, Stanley, you're next.

Good job, Einstein! Why don't we build a rocket?

Good luck. If they get out of control, just use this tear gas

Good!

Good.

Good. It looks like they've taken the trees down.

Good. Yeah, listen, the little needle's moving.

Goodbye, guys. It was nice meeting you.

Goodbye, Stanley! Peace be with you.

Goodbye! Thank you for your help. Visit us again.

Goodbye. Bring me lots of gifts. I always believed in you.

Goodness. Would anybody mind cleaning my erasers?

Got it.

Grab a lot, son

Grandpa, I had no idea how bad it was for you.

Great instincts.

Great party, Wendy.

Green Mega Man goes with Red and Yellow...

Green Mega Man it is.

Gross, Stan. Sick.

Guns and bullets seem to be a recurring theme.

Guys, I was just kidding!

Guys, my mom's getting a Ferris wheel.

Guys, shut up. I'm not under alien control.

Guys, who would you say are your role models?

Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!

Happy Valentine's Day, Stan

Happy, happy Thanksgiving. Let her rip!

Has Kathie Lee Gifford offended you? Was she flattered by her depiction?

Have anything besides four assed animals?

Have either of you actually been abducted?

Have either of you ever killed anyone?

Have some pie, cake and ice cream.

Have you been outcast?

Have you ever had something happen but nobody believed you?

Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?

Have you seen anyone like this?

Have you seen Sparky? He's not back.

Haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King!

Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?

Having a little brother is special.

Having a nose job is better than I thought.

Having imaginary friends is fine, but this won't do!

He built a wicker basket!

He can do cool stuff with his voice. Show them.

He comes out of the toilet and gives gifts to people with high fiber diets.

He comes out of the toilet...

He could be under alien control.

He couldn't have gone far, unless something drug him off.

He didn't grow up in a normal place like here

He farted right on his head.

He has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.

He helped them win their war against Frederick Douglass...

He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky.

He keeps throwing things around...

He kept seeing this brown piece of Christmas poo everywhere.

He lives alone on this mountain and weaves baskets and other crafts.

He makes stuff up. Don't believe him.

He must have followed me. You see, he is smart.

He needs to run his ass around the block.

He said I could have his pudding. Ask him yourself.

He said, "To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!"

He showed me his sanctuary and took me on a boat ride...

He still looks gay.

He usually follows me.

He was the most beautiful piece of ass I'd ever seen in South Park.

He was with me the whole time.

He'll stay here. Then with Stan, then me.

He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...

He's dangerous. His brain is identical to yours. I need you to help me find him.

He's doing something to his ass.

He's got a gun!

He's just confused.

He's my son. I adopted him.

He's not kicking his ass, but he's doing something.

He's of no use to me. I'll have to burn the room.

He's out of control. We have to destroy him!

He's part Doberman and wolf. He's the toughest dog.

He's saving us!

He's talking like the new kid.

He's tearing my cafeteria apart.

He's tearing up the house. Stop him!

He's the last person I saw with your mom.

Hear that? We get $3,000. That's enough for your DNA tests.

Heck, I haven't even started yet.

Heck, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.

Hell, yeah, I got the triangle.

Hell's bells.

Hello there, little boys.

Hello there, little pup! I'm Big Gay Al

Hello there. Love the Elvis costume, Chef.

Hello, children.

Hello, children.

Hello, children. How are you?

Hello, children. What's all this about a new teacher?

Hello, Indian Companion.

Hello, little boy. Do you know who I am?

Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?

Hello, this is Frank Hammond, South Park Radio, AM 900.

Hello?

Hello? No, it's a... Vas deferens?

Hello. I'm Phillip. They call me Pip because they hate me.

Hello. You must hurry.

Help!

Help! Sons of bitches!

Her mother's a jackal. Her father's an insurance salesman.

Her weak point is the nose.

Here begins pain. The new domination...

Here comes the unholy butthole now.

Here in the middle of Africa, food is extremely scarce.

Here is Miss Ellen and our leader. Her name is Makesh Alaq Makarakesh.

Here it comes.

Here she comes!

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here with a special report, a quadriplegic on a pony.

Here you go, Kyle. Here's yours, Stan.

Here you go, turkeys.

Here, hon. I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.

Here, I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunny fish.

Here, I made you powdered doughnut pancake surprise.

Here, let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up.

Here, sit down, have some cocoa, and tell Mr. Hat all about it.

Here, Stan, this is for you.

Here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk and a beard.

Here, we see the Stevens on a picnic.

Here, you children sit down and let me explain about where babies come from.

Here's a video that shows a very disturbed boy.

Here's the same gun with a wood finish.

Here's your sports watch, son. Sorry for the mix up.

Here's yours, Wendy, and here's yours, Clay.

Hey everybody, look who's here, the AFC Champion Denver Broncos

Hey, Cartman.

Hey, Chef.

Hey, Chef. Look.

Hey, come back! We didn't even get to do our play!

Hey, come on! That was roughing!

Hey, dudes.

Hey, gang. It's our friend Indian Companion.

Hey, he's like Rudolph.

Hey, how about Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo?

Hey, I didn't get a gun!

Hey, I don't have to take that kind of crap from you scrawny weaklings!

Hey, I'll kick your ass!

Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!

Hey, Kenny.

Hey, look, Kenny's okay!

Hey, look!

Hey, look. I think Kenny's okay.

Hey, new kid.

Hey, Stan, now what are we gonna do for entertainment?

Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?

Hey, Stan. I'm open, I think.

Hey, Terrance, now that you farted I think I might fart too.

Hey, that kind of looks like Tom Selleck

Hey, they're all dressed up like ghosts too.

Hey, wait a minute. When do I get to be on television?

Hey, wait. When do I get to make sweet love?

Hey, Wendy, what's a f* * *?

Hey, what's going on? Let go of me!

Hey, what's that?

Hey, where are you all going? They don't even know what Walden is.

Hey, where's little Stanley?

Hey, who cut your hair, Stevie Wonder?

Hey, yeah.

Hey, you were supposed to kill me.

Hey, you will not get away with this!

Hey, you're gonna miss it, Kenny.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Down here! We are ready for your wisdom.

Hey! I know a certain young man who's itching for detention!

Hey! ******* people can't eat Christmas snow.

Hey! Wait a minute! What is that thing?

Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you!

Hi, Grandpa, I brought my friends over.

Hi, Jesus, I have a dog and he's a homosexual.

Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.

Hi, little fella, how are you doing?

Hi, Wendy.

Hi, what's up?

Hike me the ball, somebody run and I'll throw. Ready? Break!

Hike the damn ball!

Hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot.

His name was Chief Running Water.

His tongue? Chef? Chef is my dad?

Hitler was famous too.

Hold on now. You got to help the children.

Hold on, Kenny!

Hold the football like you'd hold your lover.

Hold this walkie. Help me fight her.

Holy crap, dude. Satan is huge!

Holy crap, Ned! That's the biggest goddamn deer I've ever seen!

Holy crap!

Holy crap!

Holy crap! She wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school.

Holy poop on a stick!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray! Hooray for Mr. Garrison! He's back. Mr. Garrison is back!

Hope you kids like chocolate peanut butter cream puffies...

How about a nice chocolate chicken potpie then?

How about I use a helmet today and someone else doesn't?

How about more of that good loving?

How about Stan, our South Park quarterback star?

How about the dreidel song, bubee?

How about we get in shape? We want to look our best on TV, don't we?

How about we make you a nice, scary ghost costume?

How big is he? I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

How could he be mad with such pretty hair?

How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! My son is *******!

How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?

How do I put this?

How do you create a show like South Park and remain pure and wholesome?

How like a turtle, the sun looks

How luscious, our creature has come to fruition.

How many lives does Kenny have left?

How many years has it been? Thirty? Forty?

How much weight does Cartman gain in this episode?

How the hell do we know who the original zombie is?

How was Miss Ellen suddenly arrested for...?

How?

Howdy ho, Chef.

Howdy ho, ho, ho!

Howdy ho, Kyle.

Howdy ho, Kyle.

Howdy ho, Mr. Hankey.

Howdy ho, Mr. Hankey.

Howdy ho!

Howdy ho!

Howdy ho!

Howdy, folks. Gosh, you sure do smell nice and flowery.

Hunger is an enemy that we all must fight.

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut...

I aced that test. I'm gonna win that dinner.

I actually met him in beginning filmmaking.

I ain't helping. I wanna eat pie.

I am going to f* *king kill you guys, seriously!

I am Hakeem Kurashki of the nation of Iraq.

I am not under alien control!

I am Skuzzlebutt, lord of the mountains!

I am so pissed off right now.

I am, however.

I apologize for that and turning your friend into a platypus.

I asked you to kill me, Billy, but I was wrong.

I baked cookies. Would anybody like one?

I believe in Mr. Hankey.

I believe.

I bet I could clone a human being before you cross an elephant and a pig.

I bet if Walden was a sitcom you'd know what it was!

I brought my makeup kit. What are we doing?

I brought my war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe

I can say with certainty that I am not anti Semitic.

I can see its head!

I can't believe she was a criminal Iraqi fugitive.

I can't blow it now that I'm so close. It must be handled carefully.

I can't concentrate because my dog is gay.

I can't concentrate on grading papers with all this excitement.

I can't hit Jesus Christ. My mother would never speak to me again.

I can't kill her, Mr. Hat.

I can't take it. This music is terrible.

I can't tell. Kill it!

I can't.

I can't.

I can't. I have to go home and get in shape!

I couldn't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend, Stan.

I couldn't help notice that black eye. Are there problems at home?

I crapped in my pants!

I created a large mutant clone of that little boy there, and he's broken free.

I created things to make the world better.

I did it! I killed something!

I didn't mean to fart on you. I didn't have a choice.

I don't care, you can have the stupid arrowhead.

I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound good.

I don't know, Eric. They just do

I don't know, maybe Barbra doesn't have a place up here after all.

I don't know.

I don't know. Why don't you check?

I don't like Kenny anymore. He doesn't communicate.

I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way...

I don't need it. I'm the son of Satan.

I don't recall the rest of the night...

I don't see anybody else here, so you must be talking to me.

I don't think so. You've had enough candy.

I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat. I'm asking you!

I don't wanna be sent away. I wanna stay here!

I don't wanna do the dog dance.

I don't wanna touch that with a 40 foot pole.

I don't wanna trick or treat with you.

I don't want it! All the kids in school call me fat.

I don't want to see an educational video.

I ever tell you how I boofed your dad, fatso?

I finished grading your papers.

I found a magic triangle, and he took it from me!

I found it first.

I found it.

I found it.

I found someone who could make me laugh, even when I felt like crying.

I gave it away to hungry children in Nairobi.

I get to use it first, you guys.

I get to wear it first.

I got cut off for Marty's Movie Reviews!

I got it! I got it!

I got Miss Ellen a chocolate pie, but I left it at home.

I got the triangle, I got the triangle! You don't, you don't!

I gotta get out of this stupid costume!

I gotta get to the cafeteria. Watch that fat boy, now.

I gotta get to the football game. Come on, boy.

I grew up near South Park, so I was abducted as a small child.

I guarantee they'll beat the spread.

I guess he's not home.

I guess not.

I guess you get an F.

I guess.

I had this satellite dish sticking out of my butt...

I hate those things!

I hate to ask this, but could I get an autograph? My sister would die!

I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we refer to as...

I hate you! I want you to die!

I have a button we can use for his nose.

I have a button we can use for his nose.

I have a clip to demonstrate what I mean.

I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off!

I have a very important announcement. I'm quitting my job as a teacher.

I have been forsaken!

I have rats spliced with ducks, gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.

I have special ordered this training film to assist us in volcano safety.

I have such delightful horrors to unleash upon thee.

I have to eat.

I have to go home without him, and my parents will kill me.

I have to go to Iraq and find my kidnapped daughter.

I have to help my stupid brother. If I go home without him, my dad will yell:

I have to show you an educational video.

I have to show you something.

I have to try. I can't let Barbra Streisand do this to the entire world.

I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!

I haven't seen so many children molested since..

I heard he still lives on the Ute reservation outside of town.

I heard she had her own $4 million condo up near the ski slope.

I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery.

I hope I don't get hit by a train. I sure did.

I implore you. Don't bet on the Dark One. You will never win.

I just flew into the studio. Boy, are my arms tired.

I just wish Stan and Miss Ellen all the happiness in the world.

I knew Cartman's mom was a slut, but goddamn!

I knew she wanted me. She kept saying romantic things.

I knew you were the only person who'd listen.

I know she's hurt you. She's hurt a lot of people.

I know that, but this isn't the answer.

I know that. How dare you insult my intellect!

I know there's no such thing as aliens!

I know what it's like not to have friends.

I know you must be very upset about your teacher having surgery

I know, but then I guess I just realized how stupid we would look.

I know. Listen to me.

I know. Mr. Garrison said homosexuals are evil. But Sparky isn't.

I learned something today. Halloween isn't about costumes or candy.

I learned something today. ******* people are okay.

I made a mariachi Mr. Hankey.

I mean, give you money for the triangle.

I mean, I knew who he was, and we had great times together...

I met Matthew at the University of Colorado in film school.

I might have made love to your mother at the dance, but who here didn't?

I miss you, old pal. You really had me scared.

I never saw him after that. I wasn't really that interested in him.

I never thought I'd live to see you in person!

I present to you the five assed monkey.

I promise I'll be nice to you from now on.

I reckon this could be a job for Mr. Hankey.

I remember the experience. I remember how horrible it was.

I remember too much.

I said your dad would be a millionaire. Get it? Kenny!

I said your family had to put a cardboard box up for mortgage, Kenny.

I said, "I'll kick you in the nuts."

I said, I have a bad itch.

I said, Ike's on fire.

I said, we're not getting on, you ugly bitch.

I see an extreme close up...

I see. You're joining in on the joke.

I send my $5 a month, see?

I shoved it up my ass! I wrote it out...

I sneaked around my mom's closet and saw what I'm getting:

I spatted his face. Now he's a smelly Indian.

I stopped by because Kyle forgot his detergent on the playground.

I suppose so. Yes, over here.

I sure am hungry.

I think death is least funny when it happens to a child.

I think I've caught a touch of the flu from Kenny.

I think it looks great

I think something took Cartman away.

I think the book depository would be a good bet.

I think the book depository would be a good bet.

I think the book depository would be a good bet.

I think we have to signal them somehow.

I think we owe her for that.

I think you got some spat on Chief Running Wolf.

I think you're a big, fat piece of crap.

I told her...

I told the people at school I had herpes

I told you Red Mega Man! Now I can't make Ultra Mega Mega Man.

I tried to play God and I failed.

I used to run around, getting in trouble, and he'd say:

I waited through that movie to see the alien, and it was her father!

I wanna know where I came from.

I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin.

I want a clean fight. No punches below the belt, holding or miracles.

I want everyone to bring a can of food.

I want my Salisbury steak.

I want to give you a big cash reward for finding it.

I want to thank all you children for the presents you bought me.

I want you all to meet our new classmate...

I want you to call Inside Edition, Rescue 91 1 and Entertainment Tonight.

I want you to repeat after me, "There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey."

I want you to show the substitute the same respect you show Mr. Garrison.

I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting.

I wanted you to be proud of me, like Kenny.

I was doing my father's bidding. I didn't have a choice.

I was genetically engineering turkeys for Thanksgiving...

I was here first.

I was introducing myself to these charming boys.

I was just kicking it with some G's on the west side.

I was not aware of this horrible show until recently.

I was trying to scare you. You can put the gun down now!

I was wrong to put you in that position

I was young and naive then.

I was, like, "Dude, I found this triangle."

I wasn't very considerate of your feelings.

I weigh more than that!

I went to Princeton! You get out of my office!

I will crush him like a little bug.

I will, Big Gay Al, I will.

I won't let them hurt you.

I won't put a foreign object up my ass.

I won't remind you how important the game is to us South Park alumni.

I wonder how drunk he needs to be to make sweet love to the pig.

I wonder what I should do with my triangle? Now that it is mine.

I wonder what Stan got me for my birthday.

I wonder what the visitors gave the cows?

I wonder what's in here?

I would have, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off.

I wouldn't mind getting ahold of your cookies.

I'd close my eyes and pretend Matt was Natasha...

I'd give you topical medicine, but I don't want to touch you.

I'd have to say mine is Theodore Roosevelt...

I'd have to say my biggest role model is Matt.

I'd like to state, once and for all, my true opinion. You see...

I'd love to, but the doctors say Mr. Hat needs more therapy.

I'd never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be:

I'll bag Skuzzlebutt, then we'll see who's a little bastard.

I'll bet that sucker's headed for a higher elevation... Bird!

I'll blow your frigging head off!

I'll call the Red Cross and have him returned.

I'll find Cartman's paper and get to the bottom of this.

I'll find it, don't worry!

I'll get in trouble.

I'll get that triangle if it's the last thing I do!

I'll get you what I want.

I'll have fried chicken and mashed potatoes, please.

I'll kick you in the nuts!

I'll kick you in the nuts!

I'll protect you. Not you, damn it!

I'll put all my money on the Cows.

I'll scare them tomorrow.

I'll take blood from you and everyone here and we can learn who your dad is.

I'll take it.

I'll teach you to meddle with my triangle!

I'm a dirty little bastard too.

I'm a little disappointed in your Thanksgiving spirit.

I'm a little dog. I'm just a little dog.

I'm checking to see how our little entrepreneurial adventure is going.

I'm doing something important for your well being

I'm embarrassed about getting a nose job, Tom.

I'm getting that John Elway helmet for Christmas.

I'm getting word that the school's chef...

I'm glad my dog isn't gay.

I'm glad we could have this talk.

I'm glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.

I'm going to have you luscious youngsters...

I'm going to say words, and the computer will measure...

I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television

I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television

I'm gonna buy her a vacuum cleaner. Chicks love vacuum cleaners.

I'm gonna have a word with your father!

I'm gonna make a new costume. I can still win.

I'm holding Cartman's paper. It's actually nothing more than Walden...

I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances for being on TV.

I'm making you my honorary nephew.

I'm never gonna win that candy.

I'm not an Ethernopian. I gotta get home!

I'm not fat, I'm getting in shape!

I'm not fat. You like her because you throw up when she talks to you.

I'm not in your office. I'm talking to you through a speaker.

I'm not playing. I have to find my dog.

I'm not talking about your birthday. We have a new student joining us today.

I'm not talking to you.

I'm not the one who looks like Pippi Longstocking!

I'm over here, son of a whore!

I'm plastered!

I'm requesting that you don't watch Terrance and Phillip anymore.

I'm Sally Struthers. These children are in desperate need.

I'm scared.

I'm seriously getting pissed off!

I'm sick of it! It's completely immature!

I'm sick of those flaps on coffee lids.

I'm so glad you found it. Because without it, I would die within hours.

I'm so hungry and all I can think about eating is brains.

I'm so pleased that you're interested in genetic engineering.

I'm sorry I dissed you at school like that, Stan.

I'm sorry I have sinned against you. I'm gonna go to the bookie...

I'm sorry I tried to change you. I didn't understand.

I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive.

I'm sorry I wished you were dead.

I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience.

I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry I mocked poor people.

I'm such a cute little kid. I wonder if I can get this go cart started.

I'm taking my pig. Screw you guys! I'm going home!

I'm talking to you, Kenny! Achtung!

I'm trying to direct the school Christmas play...

I'm very glad we could have dinner. I really care about your education.

I'm your friend Mr. Hat. You can tell me anything. Now, who hit you?

I'm your son, Eric. You put your hoo hoo dilly in my mom's cha cha.

I'm your teacher. We're only friends.

I've asked my family to put a bullet in me when I'm 30.

I've been licking carpet for 3 hours, and I don't feel like a lesbian!

I've decided to quit and do what I've always dreamed of:

I've learned something today.

I've learned something today. You can't win all the time.

I've learned something:

I've never seen a kid as cool as you, Kenny

I've never seen a woman drink so much. You're amazing, Miss Cartman.

I've prepared a statement for you on behalf of the network.

I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so cute and full of life.

If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!"

If anybody calls or visits, I'm not here, okay?

If Babs gets that other triangle, she'll fulfill her prophecy...

If Barbra saw the same news report, those boys are in danger.

If I can show how much I turned South Park around, I could become a senator!

If I don't get out of school and get Ike back...

If I sing to her, maybe I can lure her into a night of exotic delectation.

If it means that much to you, take the stupid triangle!

If it'll make you leave me alone, take it! Here!

If parents worried less about what their kids watch on TV...

If sauce has been used in embalming, press...

If she only likes other lesbians, then we gotta become lesbians too.

If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be like:

If something happens to him, my parents will blame me.

If Stan doesn't show up, can I use his helmet?

If the fat kid has something implanted in his ass...

If they're working in a sweatshop, that is.

If we can dig a large trench, we can divert the lava into a canyon

If we don't destroy them, they'll take over the town.

If we lose money because of your nephew, we'll hang you out to dry.

If we win, we'll give you 3,000 of our $ 1 0,000 prize.

If you can find it in your hearts to give my brother back...

If you could videotape Eric's behavior...

If you don't want to spill coffee, don't drive with it.

If you don't win, you can't hold it against the person who did...

If you visitors can hear me, bring back my brother, goddamn it!

If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, get them to make sweet love.

If you were Barbra Streisand, where would you be now?

Ike, do your impersonation of David Caruso's career!

Ike, jump down! Now! For the love of God, Ike, jump!

Ike, tell Cartman that it's my triangle!

Ike, tell Kyle that I was trying to get my triangle back.

Ike, you can't come to school with me.

Ike! Stop the bus!

Imagine a pint sized elephant that you could keep in the house.

In Africa, children are dying, not from disease or war but from hunger.

In fact, it seems that only one person is still betting on me.

In fact, we're pretending that Indian Companion is her.

In it, Stan finds out that his dog Sparky is a homosexual.

In it, the boys celebrate the holiday with a visitor.

In other news, a pinkeye epidemic is sweeping South Park.

In other words, children..

In the blue corner, wearing white trunks...

In the past, people have had to die for what they believed in.

In this one, if you look hard, you can see me having sex with Matt's mom.

Infidels! I will turn you all into beasts of burden!

Instead of money, cans are in the capsule.

Instead, I'll just get Stan to notice me.

Insurance salesman?

Is anyone offended by mistletoe?

Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef?

Is it illegal for **** to eat Christmas snow?

Is it Mephisto, or that little monkey guy?

Is it okay to assist somebody with suicide?

Is it okay to kill somebody if they want you to?

Is it on? Okay.

Is mistletoe offensive?

Is that really necessary?

Is there a problem, Kenny?

Is there anything we can do for you?

Is there anything you'd like to say to the people?

Is there somewhere in town I can get a good, clear shot...? View of Kathie Lee?

Is there somewhere in town I can get a good, clear shot...? View of Kathie Lee?

Is there stuff you put into the show that's subliminal?

Is this some kind of ******* tradition?

Isn't it enough that I pay taxes? What about the poorhouses I pay for?

Isn't that an amazing coincidence? What are the odds of that?

Isn't that your job?

Isn't this precious?

It appears that the destructive creature is 8 year old Stan Marsh of South Park.

It begins over 1 00 years ago...

It can breathe better higher up.

It can get scary up in those woods...

It doesn't matter. He's too strong. I give up.

It happened again, didn't it? Now we do things my way.

It hurts, it hurts!

It is too late for me, young Wendy.

It is with great pride and honor that I'd like to welcome...

It is with honor and pride that I present the winner this trophy.

It isn't being sensitive to the ******* community.

It isn't fair. Everybody hates me.

It isn't fair. I don't wanna be an outcast.

It just so happens that I have your paper, and I know why you won.

It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.

It looks like Death.

It looks like he got a can of string beans.

It looks like now my work here is done.

It might be.

It says here that Eric's trophy will be presented to him by...

It seems like every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass...

It seems like something's still not right.

It seems that several bets were changed to Satan.

It should be something festive.

It smelled like a dead calf rotting in the hot sun

It sure does seem to be a popular costume this year.

It sure does, Phillip. No one will repress our religion here.

It was a beautiful autumn night, when the aspen trees were turning...

It was changed to "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig."

It was just a dream! I didn't have an anal probe!

It was on the suffering of bottle nosed dolphins.

It wasn't coming for us. It was just sitting!

It wasn't fair. She had choreography. How could we compete with that?

It wasn't me, it was my evil clone.

It will be nice to get out of the city for a while, away from civilization.

It's a Adolf Hitler costume. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil.

It's a boy!

It's a chance for you to get publicity.

It's about being good, and giving and loving.

It's about good and evil and being the new kid in school.

It's about time, you lazy ass son of a whore!

It's all about an epidemic and the boys having to save the day.

It's always, "Someone coming." I hope someone comes. We like people.

It's amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days.

It's because his quarterback hasn't shown up.

It's called "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe." It's our favorite.

It's called "Pink Eye." It aired as our Halloween special.

It's called "Starvin' Marvin," and it aired on Thanksgiving.

It's cheesy, but lame and eerily soothing too.

It's coming right for us!

It's coming right for us!

It's disgusting, and we will not have it.

It's down to three videos.

It's easy not to think of images on TV as real, but they are.

It's entitled "Mecha Streisand."

It's fun.

It's going back and forth really fast. What's that mean?

It's happening again.

It's important you tell me where those boys from the news report are.

It's in the bedroom, ladies. Come on in.

It's just getting old. Let everything be decided in the ring.

It's my turn.

It's no joke, children. This is big.

It's no use. Our firepower has no effect!

It's not okay. I don't want a gay dog.

It's not Stan's fault. It wasn't Stan. He was...

It's obvious where the talent in that family went!

It's our Christmas special entitled "Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo."

It's our favorite episode because we got Natasha Henstridge...

It's our Indian companion friend Indian Companion

It's our Indian friend Indian Companion. Say hi, kids.

It's over. I give up.

It's over. She's too strong for them. We'll have to leave town.

It's really cool that we beat the spread.

It's snowing.

It's so beautiful.

It's some kind of symbiotic metamorphosis device.

It's Stan, the star quarterback.

It's taken by 23, Kenny McCormick.

It's that guy from the public access show.

It's the alien anal probe. It's shooting fire from his rectum!

It's the British kid. He's a little limey zombie now.

It's the president of the network.

It's time for plan B.

It's time to crown the $ 1 0,000 winner.

It's time to embrace the spirit of giving with the canned food grab.

It's time to whip out the eclipse shoeboxes!

It's true, I'll show you.

It's true, mayor. Those turkeys just ripped apart my cafeteria.

It's true. Ask Cartman. They gave him an anal probe.

It's true. He doesn't care what faith you are.

It's very simple.

It's when we collect food for people who can't afford food on Thanksgiving.

Jacket!

Jesus Christ weighs in at 1 35 pounds, 1 ounce.

Jesus vs. Satan, live from South Park on Saturday!

Jesus, I haven't asked for much. All we need is one little score.

Jesus, my father says he chooses you. He calls you out.

Jesus, we're sorry. Can you ever forgive us?

Jesus!

Jiminy! It's the real Skuzzlebutt!

John Stamos' older brother is singing "Loving You" during halftime.

John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is singing "Loving You."

Johnson, what the hell's gotten into you?

Junior seems worried. But have no fear...

Junior seems worried. But have no fear...

Just a reminder, send us your stupidest home videos.

Just keep rolling.

Just kill him. Maybe he'll give you money

Just like you're wrong to put little Billy in it.

Just stand here and watch my cattle get mutilated one by one?

Just this really, really old lady who wishes she was still 45.

Just two hummingbirds moaning and groaning...

Kathie Lee Gifford comes to South Park...

Kathie Lee Gifford in South Park!

Kathie Lee Gifford. I don't believe it.

Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy.

Kathie Lee is coming here?

Kathie Lee loves children.

Keep going this way. Hurry!

Keep it under 70. Take care of Grandpa.

Keep your hands off of Fluffy!

Kenny is definitely our favorite character.

Kenny keeps eating people's brains.

Kenny says he saw your mom drop you off this morning, and she's a real dog.

Kenny, are you gonna eat your pudding?

Kenny, climb the ladder and take down the star above the stage.

Kenny, please go over and pull the light cords out of the wall.

Kenny, why are you late to class?

Kenny?

Kenny? But this is supposed to be my camping trip.

Kick ass!

Kick ass!

Kick ass! Cartman's mom throws the best parties!

Kick the baby.

Kids won't even kill their grandparents.

Kill her!

Kill it. Kill it!

Kill the original zombie that started the mess.

Kill you guys. Kill you guys!

Killer. Thanks, Chef.

Knock it off. She was young and needed the money.

Knock, knock.

Know what my space suit smells like?

Kyle, did you just throw doo doo at Eric?

Kyle, is there anything you can do for the play that isn't Jesus related?

Kyle, no!

Kyle, that is enough!

Kyle, the little ******* kid, is visited by a talking candy bar.

Kyle, what are you watching?

Kyle, you need to hold the baby by the legs not the head.

Kyle!

Kyle!

Kyle's brother Ike is abducted by aliens...

L, myself, would like to be spliced with Fiona Apple.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Warson.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Laugh all you want! I'll be the one on TV looking all buff.

Launch!

Leave us. We must finish what we have begun.

Leonard Maltin in my cafeteria! I'm Chef.

Let him come. I shall stop him.

Let it go.

Let me check.

Let me give you an example.

Let me just have some of that.

Let me out, Grandpa!

Let me see that Vanessa Redgrave thing again.

Let me tell you something, porky...

Let me tell you.

Let nature run its course or else end up in limbo.

Let the final battle between good and evil be fought...

Let the new prince be decided on Saturday.

Let us remember the good times. Kenny would have wanted it that...

Let's all gather around and bob for stupid apples.

Let's all grab our anthropology pickaxes that were handed out...

Let's all point at Stan and laugh, children.

Let's figure out how to ditch school so we can get Ike back.

Let's focus on the fight. I'm sick of these rumors about my fighters.

Let's get him to the morgue.

Let's get it over with. This gives me the booboo jeebies.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get right to the point, should old people be allowed to die?

Let's get that testosterone flowing.

Let's go home. I can still make the game.

Let's keep our hands to ourselves, okay?

Let's move! Move!

Let's open the phone lines for questions.

Let's open the phone lines up. Hello, you're on the air.

Let's see how they like it when they see Skuzzlebutt!

Let's see... Hey, bookie, what's the halftime show?

Let's steer our boat out of here and into a place where gays live freely.

Let's tell Indian Companion to go away.

Lights, please.

Like all of our episodes, this one has a moral lesson:

Like Chef says, "I'm getting a piece of loving while the getting's hot."

Like German people.

Like who?

Listen to your father.

Listen up and listen good.

Little boy, I understand that you found a neat little triangle near here.

Look at the way they foam at the mouth like beautiful suds of beer.

Look here in my microscope. Tell me what you see.

Look how the leaves fall so delicately on the surface of the pond.

Look out, children!

Look out, children!

Look out, son, that's dangerous! You'll spill your beer.

Look there. That's a Rocky Mountain black bear.

Look, a Blue Mega Man! Thank you, Stan. You may eat pie, cake and ice cream.

Look, I found another one!

Look, it's our friend Indian Companion.

Look, it's working!

Look, up there!

Look, up there!

Looks like about a.46 gauge, Ned.

Looks like nobody's home. We should come another time.

Looks like the Cows won't beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot.

Looks like the Cows won't beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot.

Looks like they got a touch of that pinkeye that's going around.

Looks like we have the turkey problem under control.

Looks like we'll be at war with these Indians soon.

Looks like we'll have to use the old Indian fire trick.

Looks like you didn't get much sleep.

Looks like you're not welcome anywhere. See you!

Lord, on this day of thanks, we extend our deepest gratitude...

Lose the mistletoe.

Mad enough to kill, Kyle?

Make her go away. I hate Barbra Streisand!

Make him stop!

Many would rather die than go there

Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kick ass!

Matt and I are excited because this episode is our favorite.

Matt and I know because we used to beat the crap out of the new kids.

Matt and I think genetic engineering is great.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

May cause irreversible damage to kidneys and liver.

May I suggest a Stratford 1 2 mm? Go ahead. Try it on!

Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants.

Maybe he's wrong. Ask somebody else.

Maybe I can help you add a few asses to that swine.

Maybe I can work in a sweatshop for a while...

Maybe it's not bad.

Maybe they took it literally when we said we'd adopt a kid.

Maybe we could actually kiss tonight, Stan.

Maybe we could get him to kill Kyle's mom.

Maybe you boys can cheer him up.

Maybe you don't want any of my mom's cake, pie and ice cream, then.

Maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.

Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too.

Mayor, the mike is on.

Mayor, we've got a very big problem.

Mayor, we've got a very big problem. Mt. Evanson is about to erupt

Me bad?

Me, me, me!

Me, you idiots.

Mecha Barbra Streisand!

Mecha Ike!

Mecha Streisand

Merry Christmas, Kyle Broflovski!

Middle Park will get a halftime show they'll never forget.

Miss Ellen doesn't exactly play for the right team.

Miss Ellen was just in the bathroom taking the biggest dump I've ever seen.

Mom and Dad are home. It's a disaster! You gotta help.

Mom won't let him in the house! His poop is bigger than our couch.

Mom, can you get me some Weight Gain 4000?

Mom, Death is here! He's trying to take us away!

Mom!

Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!

More pie, hon?

Move! The Terrance & Phillip Thanksgiving Special is on.

Mr. Garrison gets a nose job...

Mr. Garrison is about to kill Kathie Lee! We have to find him!

Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while. He has to have surgery.

Mr. Garrison, I am dismissing you from directing our play.

Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you to direct our play.

Mr. Garrison, if you would, please.

Mr. Garrison, people have cosmetic surgery all the time.

Mr. Garrison, this is not appropriate!

Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Mr. Garrison, why do poor people always smell like sour milk?

Mr. Garrison! He's going to try to kill Kathie Lee Gifford!

Mr. Garrison! Stop!

Mr. Hankey seems so real.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. Haven't you heard of it?

Mr. Hankey, come here.

Mr. Hankey, no.

Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo

Mr. Hankey?

Mr. Hat, I hate this. I wish I'd never had a nose job.

Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful?

Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be surprised when she gets here tomorrow.

Mr. Hat, save yourself!

Mr. Hat, that was a long time ago, and I was only a child.

Mr. Hat, you need to admit you have a drinking problem. Another cosmo.

Mr. Mackey, something's wrong with Cartman.

Mr. Mayor, you can't stop serving Salisbury steak in our public schools.

Mr. McCormick, you shall be a martyr to us all. Godspeed.

Mr. Torres was here for a routine checkup, Chef.

My arrival denotes the beginning of the end.

My cattle!

My children, this is the most crucial and serious time of all history.

My dad's always on the move.

My dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time.

My evil clone is destroying the town. We have to find him.

My father and the town forsaked me. I'm completely forsook.

My father's family name being Pirrip and my name, Phillip...

My four assed mongoose.

My friends were, like, "Dude."

My gay dog ran away. Did he come here?

My God has forsaken me.

My God, it's coming right for us!

My grandma was Dutch Irish and my grandpa was lesbian.

My grandpa asked me to kill him, and I did it.

My mom is not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!

My mom said there were no monsters, but there are.

My mom says all I have to do is chow on this box

My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.

My mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.

My mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.

My name is Eric Running Water

My name's not Billy, Grandpa. Why do you look all haggard?

My nephew's a tree hugger?!

My nephew's the best quarterback the school's ever seen.

My new dog Sparky. He followed me.

My parents don't believe me.

My pig won't wanna make love to that elephant!

My son, many have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is.

My wrath shall continue until I speak with Jesus!

My, what an exciting day.

Naive American, Stan. The bear is important to my people.

Natural causes, Billy, natural causes.

Natural disasters can be the cause...

Naturally.

Ned, hand me that gin.

Ned, look! They've got Enrique on their sidelines.

Ned, prepare some HK 1 2 and some Plasticine.

Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked!

Ned, we gotta cut it short. Fire out the 1 2 20!

Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie!

Ned, why don't you whip out the old cancer kazoo? Let's do a little song.

Need appetizer.

Need to get in shape fast? Wanna look your best?

Neither can I.

Neither of us have children.

Never bet on evil, because when you do... Ned, look!

Never mind, Jesus. Nancy Kerrigan sucks.

Never mind. There's been an incident at the ranch.

Never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.

New kid, want an invitation to my birthday party?

New York, here we come!

Next time she kicks your ass, tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister. I love you."

Nice shooting, Kenny!

Nice to meet you.

No buts, Wendy. I wish you were dead!

No elephant is gonna make love to Fluffy! I will kick you in the nuts!

No excuses! Move along, you little troublemakers!

No matter how mean the other kids are, just don't retaliate.

No more Middle Park players.

No more pie.

No one believes in me. Everyone bet on Satan.

No problem.

No problem. Are you sure you don't want cheese sandwiches?

No siree, I tell you, I got the line.

No way, you gave it to us. It's mine.

No way! Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park.

No way. My mom says God hates gay people.

No wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.

No, a piece of celery. Yes, and he walks with a limp.

No, but thanks for asking.

No, damn it. The:

No, don't!

No, dude, that's Christmas.

No, Eric, go ahead and take my pudding if you'd like.

No, I have to apologize for the way I've been acting.

No, I mean what the hell are you doing to Grandpa?

No, Ike, go home.

No, just the lead singer.

No, Kitty, this is my corned beef cabbage.

No, Kitty, this is my potpie! Bad kitty!

No, Kitty, this is my potpie.

No, Kitty, you bad kitty. No, Kitty, this is my potpie!

No, Kitty, you can't have any!

No, Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!

No, Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!

No, little potbellied elephants that people can keep as pets.

No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine.

No, Mr. Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans.

No, Mr. Hat, I won't do it.

No, Mr. Hat! I couldn't...

No, no, no. I mean special. Like the song of the hummingbird...

No, no!

No, no! Now I'll be stuck in this Podunk town forever...

No, no. But could you help me train a little?

No, Pip.

No, Starvin' Marvin, that's Kenny's creamed corn.

No, that was just a dream.

No, that's a gynecologist. A geologist studies the earth.

No, that's mine! He gave it to me!

No, that's my potpie.

No, they don't, you jealous weakling!

No, where would she be staying?

No, you don't want all that. Why don't you share it with me?

No, you don't! You won't ruin my moment of fame.

No, you're not.

No, you're not. You're fatter than ever!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! The zombies that have taken over South Park.

No! Why, God, why?!

No. No. No, God, no!

Nobody believes in you, not even my friends.

Nobody screws up my trick or treats and gets away with it.

Nobody should have that kind of power.

Nobody will hurt you.

Nobody's splicing from Fluffy!

Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. Right, Stanley?

Not allowing our kids to watch this show is not enough.

Not as beautiful as you.

Not as beautiful as you.

Not as beautiful as...

Not Cartman. He gets to be on TV anyway.

Not so loud. Now, that's just a technicality.

Not when money's involved.

Nothing!

Now apparently, that's supposed to be funny.

Now available at stores everywhere.

Now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access.

Now back to Jesus and Pals.

Now back to part two of The Terrance & Phillip Thanksgiving Special.

Now blow out the candles, Grandpa.

Now come on, honestly, who here has never had sex with Mrs

Now do you remember?

Now get away from here and take your diarrhea with you.

Now get in here before those zombies get you.

Now get out of my house. I hope you feel really good about yourself.

Now go to bed. You won't be opening your Channukah gift tonight.

Now here to sing "Loving You" is the one and only John Stamos' brother!

Now I know how all those white women must have felt.

Now I think they like him because he picks on me.

Now I'll take your money, return to Hell much richer and buy some real estate.

Now I'm making millions off him.

Now I've found a way to show you what it feels like to be Grandpa.

Now it's a Mrs. Hankey.

Now let me try and learn your names

Now move along, children.

Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi.

Now sit back, relax and enjoy "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride."

Now tell me what you see.

Now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate their victory over nature.

Now you can make your own Mr. Hankey. Just use the fecal fishing net...

Now you go and practice football like a good little heterosexual.

Now you're pissing me off!

Now, as you can see, Red Mega Man uses the Mega Cycle.

Now, at last, we can return to normality.

Now, children, gather around and watch the wonders of life.

Now, children, we've got to handle the ball better.

Now, I must warn you, there are risks.

Now, Kenny, you are to get me Yellow Mega Man.

Now, Kyle, as your school counselor...

Now, let's form a line. I've got enough topical cream for everybody.

Now, let's review our multiplication tables.

Now, let's see all the goodies you're going to take home to your family.

Now, let's start practice.

Now, once we have all the canned foods collected...

Now, our second finalist, "Little Boy Has a Tea Party

Now, South Park Elementary presents...

Now, that is a man who's eaten a lot of beef.

Now, that's what I call a joy ride.

Now, the Diamond of Pantheous is complete!

Now, you be careful, Eric. The woods can be very dangerous.

Obesity.

Of course he does. In your screwed up head, he's the only friend you have.

Of course I took a dive. Don't you see?

Of course not. It's just in good fun.

Of course they won't splice, children.

Of course, silly buns! It's the one place where they can be themselves.

Of course, Wendy.

Oh, all right then.

Oh, boy, the aliens are going to make first contact.

Oh, brilliant.

Oh, brother.

Oh, come on, Stan.

Oh, crap.

Oh, do go on.

Oh, don't they look adorable?

Oh, dude!

Oh, excuse me, new kid.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! No! Stop!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, goddamn it!

Oh, gosh, that was close.

Oh, hell. I guess we better go look for him.

Oh, honey. Please forgive us, son.

Oh, how cute.

Oh, how sweet!

Oh, I'm sorry, little girl. But you still can't get on.

Oh, look what Kyle got me. It's a Red...

Oh, man, I'm out of here.

Oh, man, it smells like dead fish here.

Oh, man, that is nasty.

Oh, my carrot cake!

Oh, my God, help me!

Oh, my God, I killed Kenny. You bastard!

Oh, my God, it is you! I am such a huge fan, Miss Streisand!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard.

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, you sick little monkey!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! A volcano!

Oh, my God! Stop!

Oh, my God! They cloned a foot!

Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! You bastard!

Oh, my God! This is our chance to make a name for ourselves...

Oh, my God. I'm a black African American.

Oh, my God. What the hell is that thing?

Oh, my mother was from Alabama.

Oh, my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1 938!

Oh, my.

Oh, no, look!

Oh, no, out of ammo!

Oh, no! She has joined the two triangles?

Oh, of course, my video camera.

Oh, please do. I'm dying to see it.

Oh, rainbows! Oh, yeah, I like those. Those are cool.

Oh, really?

Oh, right, well. He has a few hundred pounds on you, Jesus.

Oh, Stan. When you get back to town, tell them about us, will you?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. Just like making sweet love to the football.

Oh, you got me.

Oh. Kids, you believe I can beat Satan, right?

Okay, all you have to do is sit there.

Okay, and you must be Stan Marsh.

Okay, any questions?

Okay, Chef, dial the hotline number. Chef?

Okay, children, does everyone have their leotards on?

Okay, children, I know you're excited and nervous...

Okay, come on, guys.

Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer and some smokes.

Okay, Eric. I'll get you some tomorrow.

Okay, everybody, settle down.

Okay, Grandpa, just get out of the way.

Okay, here we go. Bye, it was nice knowing you.

Okay, hon.

Okay, I'll tell you where the triangle is! It's inside my shoe.

Okay, I'm having a hard time with our Christmas play.

Okay, Kenny, be seated.

Okay, kids, we're gonna take a spelling test now.

Okay, let's catch up on our cursive handwriting.

Okay, let's get lined up so the judge...

Okay, Mom

Okay, okay, go ahead.

Okay, okay. Well, I guess I'll be going to the store now, then.

Okay, pal. You asked for it.

Okay, people, change of plans. Half of you, grab shovels.

Okay, people, don't panic! Bring out the defense squad!

Okay, people, let's go get those kids!

Okay, people, move along. Nothing to see here, you looky Ioos.

Okay, people. Clearly, we need to reach a compromise

Okay, Stan, get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride.

Okay, then what?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Asian culture has plagued our Earth for years. We must end it...

Okay. But I'm just gonna tap you, all right?

Okay. Chair.

Okay. Thanks for the advice, Jesus.

Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago.

On his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...

On this adventure, we'll see the gay world throughout time.

One of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be...

One of our very own South Park students has won the national prize.

One of the few remaining of its kind. Isn't it beautiful?

One Tootie Bar? You cheap bastards.

One, two, three..

Only $49.95.

Only a few cans have been donated to our food drive.

Open the door!

Or is it the 1 991 Denver Broncos?

Or is she Erin Gray of Buck Rogers beautiful?

Or we could straighten out the bridge, like this:

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Our other finalists will get $3,000 runner up prizes. See you next time.

Our pig hasn't given birth. She should any time now.

Our savior!

Our savior.

Our slide!

Out of over a million papers, Eric's was chosen as the winner.

Over 400 people are eaten naturally by lions in Africa every year.

Over 4000 grams of saturated fat per serving. Its formula is designed...

Over there. You need to drop some friends off at the pool?

Pardon me, I tripped. Could I have some hair?

Parents are so cruel. Don't they know a child needs security most of all?

Parents get offended because they rely on TV as a babysitter and educator.

Patrick Duffy?! Damn it, that's not scary!

People are curious about you two.

People been saying they've seen UFOs around.

People have accused us of anti Semitism...

People of South Park are humble and friendly

People who want a lot of power always end up dead.

People write such fascinating things every week.

People, form groups and search the mountain.

People, listen up. As we near the top of the mountain...

People, we all have to do our part against the evil turkeys.

Perhaps I shouldn't toy with God's creations. Perhaps I should...

Perhaps we need a new icon for Christmas.

Perhaps we should leave nature alone to its simple one assed schematics.

Perhaps we shouldn't toy with God's creations.

Pig and elephant DNA won't splice. Have you heard that song by Loverboy?

Pink Eye

Pinkeye is a real disease and anybody can get it.

Pinkeye, my ass. I've seen this before.

Pinkeye.

Pip's invitation, Pip's invitation... I remember.

Please, God.

Please.

Police request that if you see this boy...

Polly Prissypants, you are my best friend.

Poor piece of crap.

Praise the lord!

Prepare to enter thy house of pain.

Psych! I wasn't gonna give you an invitation.

Puny son of Jehovah

Put the trigger on the "doot en doo"?

Quick, jump through the window!

Quick, Ned, shoot it!

Quickly, Robert Smith, she's powerless!

Rabbit! Rabbit, 5:00.

Rainbows are those arches of color that show up when it rains.

Rats!

Rats.

Ready?

Really, is that so?

Really?

Really? I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.

Really? On what?

Rebecca, I'm a man. A man like any other with dreams and emotions.

Recess sucks without any slides or nothing.

Relax, you'll feel better once we're trick or treating.

Remember candy, focus on the candy.

Remember how she dissed you at the costume contest?

Remember what I taught you:

Remember your homework. We have a lot of catching up.

Report back here every hour, you got that?

Richard can't sing a high F, he always screws it up.

Right now, South Park is here.

Right, I gotta watch that.

Right, like I'm some hippie Indian.

Right.

Right. Animals are easier to shoot in the morning.

Right. If they're so damn smart, how come they get caught in fishing nets?

Robert Smith is the greatest person ever!

Robert Smith kicks ass!

Robert Smith, hit her nose! Use robot punch.

Robert Smith? Sweet!

Sand.

Satan must be defeated. Please help me train.

Satan weighs in at 320 pounds, 4 ounces.

Satan, what about your involvement in the Gulf War?

Satan, what will the outcome of the fight be?

Say hi to Damien.

Say hi to Indian Companion, kids.

Say something, Mr. Hankey.

Say, honey, you look kind of different.

Say, that sounds like a swell idea.

Screw you guys!

Screw you guys! Go to hell!

Screw you, hippie!

Screw you, hippie!

Screw you, thief!

Second verse, same as the first.

See Canada's hottest stars in the HBC Movie of the Week.

See ya, dude.

See you later.

See you Saturday, Jesus. Good luck.

See? There is something funny going on.

Seriously, I'm hungry.

Seriously, just face it. I wrote a better paper than you.

Seriously, you guys!

Set, set...

She beat us in the talent show all those years ago.

She has killed thousands and will kill again.

She hasn't mouthed off since. Thank you for the advice.

She informed me that some of you might be watching Terrance and Phillip.

She is "doe who cannot keep legs together."

She learned of the Diamond of Pantheous...

She really threw her voice with two dummies?

She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty mouth.

She says she can't control it

She was on Full House.

She was second.

She's a calculating, egotistical bitch.

She's being a total bitch!

She's close. Very close. I can feel her!

She's fly at the sky.

She's not coming. Let's look for the visitors.

She's not having trouble finding food.

She's pissed she got headgear. She takes it out on me.

Shelly has a wire in her mouth and a metal plate on her back.

Shelly has a wire in her mouth and a metal plate on her back.

Shelly, you saved my life. And yet you've done so much more.

Shouldn't we not get into cars with strangers?

Shouldn't you be out shopping for my presents?

Shows like that are called "toilet humor."

Shut up, Cartman!

Shut up, Cartman!

Shut up, Cartman!

Shut up, Cartman.

Shut up, dude! Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?

Shut up, you're being totally immature.

Shut up. You're trying to scare me, and it's not working.

Sick, dude.

Sick! Shut up, dude!

Since today is Halloween...

Since today is Halloween...

Since you're staying, I hope we can be friends

Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy, then...

Sit down back there!

Skuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up on this very mountain...

Snacky Cakes!

Snap out of it, Jesus!

So are you guys as anti Semitic as some might believe?

So Barbra Streisand's found the other triangle, eh?

So before we shoot, we have to say, "It's coming right for us!"

So it is thou. Son of Lucifer!

So it was written. The cycle of years brings the Son of Evil.

So kids, be careful who you bed with.

So long, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

So much for the cover of Guns & Ammo.

So now sit back and enjoy "Matt's Mom is a Dirty Slut."

So now, sit back, relax and enjoy "Death."

So please call and adopt a child today.

So remember, kids, dressing up like Hitler isn't cool.

So sit back, relax and enjoy "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."

So sit back, relax and have a rootin' tootin' good time...

So take special care to make him feel welcome.

So then the necrophiliac says, "If this ain't a cadaver..."

So these ancient arrowheads are buried deep in the earth.

So what makes you think he should play Joseph?

So you're all right?

So you're going to have a substitute teacher.

So your mom can put it on layaway and make payments.

So, now sit back, relax and enjoy "Weight Gain 4000."

So, Simon and Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television.

So, what will you do when you hear a volcano erupting?

So?

So?! I'm a very famous and very important individual.

Some of you know what it's like to be the new kid.

Some say it's still crawling around to this day.

Some things you kill, some things you don't, see?

Somebody get me out of here! This sucks!

Somebody once said, "Don't try to be a great man, just be a man."

Somebody's baking brownies.

Someday I'll be bigger than you. You'll wish you'd never done this.

Someone bet on you. One person still has money on you.

Someone coming.

Someone coming.

Someone coming.

Someone's gotta pull that monkey out of her ass.

Something went wrong, the turkeys broke free.

Sometimes I sneak up to the fence and pretend I'm there.

Sometimes we feel like an outsider. We create friends in our minds, m'kay?

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Son of God, I will smash thy face into small little bits.

Son, no!

Soon the Triangle of Zinthar will be mine.

Sorry, but my point is, topical cream ain't gonna fix what's wrong here.

Sorry, children. Let's run some plays.

Sorry, I thought you were one of them.

Sorry, son. Get your ass in there!

Sorry, we just don't have any funds. Here, have a Teiko sports watch.

Sorry, we're out of food. We ran out of funding.

Sorry.

South Park beats the spread!

South Park is overrun with living dead. Haven't you noticed anything strange?

South Park is saved!

Sparky will kick his ass!

Sparky, bad dog!

Sparky, we got you a present. Why don't...?

Sparky, where are you? Where could he be?

Sparky! Hi, Sparky, how's it going?

Sparky! Sparky!

Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's homo dog!

Speech!

Sponsor now, and we'll send you a Teiko sports watch as a free gift.

Stan didn't mention his dog is a gay homosexual.

Stan steps back to pass...

Stan, are you wearing a different hat?

Stan, I can't do it alone. Please?

Stan, I'm awful sorry you got dressed up like Raggedy Andy. Don't be mad.

Stan, I'm not touching that one with a 20 foot pole.

Stan, is that your dog?

Stan, you need to do something about your friend.

Stan? How would you like to go home and meet your sister?

Stan? Stan?

Stan's dog's a homo! Stan's dog's a homo!

Stan's grandpa wants to die...

Stand forth! Pull up flank! Look out for Charlies in trees!

Stanley might lead our team to victory for the first time in decades.

Stanley, gay people... Well, gay people are evil.

Stanley, we just heard that your little friend Kenny...

Stanley, you arrived late. Where were you that whole time?

Starvin' Marvin

Stay away from my man, bitch...

Stay close, children.

Step aboard, Stanley.

Stop defending your girlfriend for writing about stupid fish.

Stop fighting!

Stop filling him with queer Ioving propaganda.

Stop that!

Stop this. You're killing me!

Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with little problems and give me back my cocoa!

Stop worrying and being sad about the state of the world..

Stop, drop and roll, Ned!

Stop!

Stop!

Stupid puppet.

Stupid wop dago.

Suddenly, daughter hears a noise. It's a volcano.

Sure they would, if you get them in the mood.

Sure, I will, Grandpa. I will.

Sure, you guys, whatever.

Sure.

Sweet, check me out. I'm such a beefcake I can't get through the door.

Sweet, the Red Cross.

Sweet! I'll be rich!

Sweet.

Sweet.

Sweet. This is like the gun I used in Nam.

Symptoms include a complete loss of heart functions...

Take a bow, Mr. Marsh.

Take a look for yourself.

Take five. Let's set up for the next shot.

Take that, you stupid Indian!

Take your seat.

Ted, we've got a major crisis here.

Television?

Tell Kyle he's a goddamn son of a bitch!

Tell little Gregory that cheating is lying, and lying is wrong.

Tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?

Tell them there are gay animals here who need homes desperately.

Tell us a little about yourselves.

Tell us about this episode.

Terrance and Phillip is a show the boys watch.

Terrance and Phillip? So that show is to blame.

Terrance, I know the class can hardly wait to see yours.

Terrance, looks like a good place to start a colony.

Terrance, what color is the wind?

Terrance. Phillip. In the harrowing made for TV drama...

Thank Buddha I found you.

Thank you for your faith...

Thank you so much for bringing everybody here.

Thank you very much, Kenny. This is a very scrumptious Iooking sausage.

Thank you very much. You can pick him up tonight. Bye.

Thank you, and goodbye.

Thank you, Chef, for that heartwarming song.

Thank you, Chef!

Thank you, Elton.

Thank you, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. D minus.

Thank you, Eric.

Thank you, Eric. You are a perfect gentleman.

Thank you, Miss Streisand!

Thank you, Miss Yothers. Okay...

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Thank you, Polly Prissypants. How nice of you.

Thank you, Polly Prissypants. You are my best friend.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for showing us the light!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I love you all.

Thank you. I'm sure I'll be fine.

Thank you. If there are any questions...

Thank you. What do you think about me, Clyde Frog?

Thanks

Thanks a lot, you ruined my Halloween.

Thanks for burning everything, you little bitch.

Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al.

Thanks to genetic engineering, there will be an end...

Thanks, Mrs. Kimball. Thanks for getting Mr. Garrison back.

Thanks, Tom. More than half the townspeople...

Thanks.

That "kick the baby" game looks fun. Have you played it personally?

That could be a hundred kids in this town, mister.

That does it, no more Mr. Nice Protesters.

That does it!

That does it! I'm going straight to the mayor about you!

That does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

That does it. You're going in the dresser drawer, Mr. Hat.

That football is like making love to a really beautiful woman.

That guy is a jerk.

That has got to be the most ridiculous load of pig crap I have ever seen!

That hurts, you butt licker!

That is great. My name is Mrs. Jones. I am a very friendly, nice person.

That is so lame!

That is the silliest thing I've ever heard.

That isn't a very romantic story, Mom.

That isn't all, mayor. The school play is doing a Nativity scene.

That lava's coming right for us!

That little bastard has the triangle, Milo.

That looks nice on you. The lacquered black matches your eyes.

That makes him as heavy as Sally Struthers.

That means MacGyver's real too.

That means that the Mega Man Beach House...

That might do quite nicely. Thank you, Officer Barbrady.

That show is bad, Mr. Garrison. That's right, Mr. Hat.

That show's for babies. It's so stupid

That substitute won't stop until she takes everything from me.

That sucks, dude!

That was a good practice, children. We'll see you here tomorrow.

That was a hoot and a holler! Did you like that, South Parketeers?

That was a hoot and a holler.

That was beautiful.

That was easy

That was enthralling. Could I get back to teaching?

That was just a dream. And I'm not fat, I'm big boned!

That was Kyle.

That wasn't a dream. That happened.

That'll do, pig.

That's a bad Starvin' Marvin!

That's a cesarean section.

That's a good cookie.

That's a hoot and a holler.

That's a lovely dress you are wearing, Polly Prissypants.

That's about the limit for our fishing permit.

That's all for Jesus and Pals. Stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews.

That's an even better idea. Come on in.

That's because Yellow Mega Man is the cheapest and your family's poor.

That's crap. Kyle's mom is a f* * *ing Jew.

That's disgusting!

That's enough Dickens for one day

That's enough!

That's from Tom in New Jersey.

That's good, Billy, a little higher now.

That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!

That's it! Party is over!

That's it. Now you know how it feels to be Grandpa.

That's just because you look like a total choad.

That's my favorite kind of chili.

That's my silly grandpa.

That's not fair, goddamn it!

That's not PC. You'll get us in trouble.

That's okay. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

That's okay. You know what they say about women with moles on their necks.

That's okay. You need to spend time with your friends.

That's our right. Leave us alone.

That's perfect.

That's right, duck and cover. Looks like you got the idea.

That's right, I don't think 8 year old kids drink beer.

That's right, Jane. Duck and cover.

That's right, Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering is an exciting new science.

That's right, Mr. Garrison.

That's right, Principal Victoria. It's okay with me because Eric is cool.

That's right, South Parketeers. Being the new kid can be hard.

That's right, you will. Move it povs, I'm an American!

That's right! He's a black guy, isn't he?

That's right.

That's right.

That's right. Are there any questions? Yes, Stanley?

That's sick!

That's the gayest dog I've ever seen.

That's the third cow this month.

That's the way we'll become perfect beings. Right, old Scratch?

That's to be expected. We did major reconstruction...

That's too bad.

That's very nice, Mr. Chef. Now, if you're finished...

That's what I taught Pip. Just look how much the other kids like him now.

That's what you get for raising a pagan.

That's when they put a metal hoop up your butt.

That's why he smoked the Sodomies in France.

That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials, but people on TV are real.

That's why my mom got me a potbellied pig because its poop is small.

That's wonderful, right, Mr. Hat?

The 8 year old was very shocked...

The answer is coming on an all new South Park in just four weeks.

The award for worst costume this year goes to...

The ball is snapped. Middle Park blitzes!

The beauty of mother nature.

The bitch must die!

The boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science later.

The bus sure is late.

The bus will be here. Cartman's still gone.

The Cows are being molested by Middle Park!

The Cows are set to receive. There's the kick.

The dawn of Zinthar is close at hand!

The diamond was split up and buried.

The diamond! She must be powerless.

The die hard South Park parents...

The digital sports watch is here!

The father of Eric Cartman is indeed someone in this room.

The final battle between good and evil, only on pay per view.

The final score is Middle Park Cowboys, 73. South Park Cows, 6.

The genetics ranch. To splice the pig's genes with my elephant.

The good new is, I've talked to Principal Victoria...

The grand prize this month will be for $ 1 0,000.

The infection's fine. I don't need a checkup.

The keepers of Pantheous learned of her wish.

The last three are getting away! Shoot them!

The lava's following the trench into the canyon.

The little running back is down! I think he's...

The Lord's angel came upon them, and they were afraid. He said:

The mayor will divide it up amongst Kenny's family and other poor people.

The missing children are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.

The Nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ...

The network is not taking us seriously.

The only family we have is each other and old Scratch.

The other dog's the one that's confused.

The other kids have always hated you?

The other triangle is the one Kyle has?

The pinkeye has made you a little delirious.

The pioneers met with the Indians...

The plague of blight is upon thee!

The planets revolve the right way. That candy is mine.

The pov catches as many as he can.

The presentation will be on television.

The reason the parents of South Park are upset is because...

The reason this episode is old Scratch's favorite...

The reason this episode is our favorite is..

The reason you won't kill me...

The results are in this envelope.

The score's 7 0 Middle Park, with 1 4:57 remaining in the first.

The second place award for best costume goes to...

The set comes with everything seen here.

The shark for the third act is in there.

The Sidney Poitier in my hometown.

The testing will cost a pretty penny.

The truth is, until we have children, we won't know whether we'll kick them.

The turkeys are growing exponentially.

The visitors dropped you off just in time for school.

The way I acted was wrong, and I've learned from it.

The way is paved with gold for ye who seek truth...

The white man has mocked my people long enough. Keep your mouths shut!

The whole town is about to kill each other.

The whole town is about to kill each other.

The whole town wants me killed. Mom and Dad are gonna send me away.

The winner is:

The winner of the national Save Our Fragile Planet contest is:

The worst part is, they're really pissed off.

Then bulk up quick with Weight Gain 4000!

Then from the East came the great white pioneers.

Then I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.

Then I was on a table, and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.

Then I went on the ship, and Scott Baio gave me pinkeye.

Then I'm going to go with you, Terrance.

Then it would bypass South Park completely.

Then she threw her voice with two dummies at once.

Then there won't be anyone to give us candy.

Then use the Hankey stand to add eyes, mouth and hats.

Then we could dress up in costumes and pretend we're getting married.

Then you slept with my mom?

Then you'll see why I can't be your dad.

There has to be a Happy Burger around here.

There have been a lot of advances in topical creams the last few years.

There were shepherds abiding in the field, watching over their flock.

There you are. Are you ready to go home now?

There, you see? All of a sudden my costume is pretty bad ass.

There's a big problem. Some new kid showed up...

There's an 80 foot satellite dish sticking out of your ass!

There's more to life than two men farting.

There's no fireplace. We shouldn't be making love yet

There's no **** in San Francisco, retard!

There's no such thing as genetic clone...

There's no such thing as UFOs.

There's not many animals out today, Jimbo.

There's nothing Christian either. This should be great.

There's nothing funny going on. I'll get those cows back.

There's nothing worse than getting drunk and waking up next to a pig.

There's one.

There's something more important now.

There's something people have to understand.

These are the turkeys I warned you about.

These boys' minds have been tainted by the garbage on television...

These bunny ears are tied on with strings!

These children desperately need your support.

These crop circles, when viewed from above, form strange patterns.

These fudged up turkeys from the crustaceous era can take our lives...

These look like his tracks.

These people have been zombiefied. They got no feeling. I'll show you.

These turkeys will continue to push...

They accidentally sent him instead of the watch.

They can find something new every time they watch.

They did, huh? Aliens stuck stuff up your ass!

They don't expand your minds.

They don't think Skuzzlebutt's scary?

They had more energy.

They laughed hardest at our video. We're gonna win!

They make fun of the fat boy too.

They said it'd take 6 weeks, but it only took 3!

They said we were "blasphemous" and "sacrilegious."

They say that on quiet nights, you can hear him weaving his baskets.

They say we can't shoot certain animals unless they pose a threat.

They should, and decrease the population.

They think she's innocent. She's an evil bitch.

They were real. Sorry about your ass.

They will. It's gonna be one ugly sight.

They're all gay.

They're all stupid anyway. Come on, guys, let's go.

They're both drunk but won't have sex!

They're so beautiful.

This beast is a disgrace to genetic engineers everywhere.

This call might be monitored to ensure quality service. How may I help you?

This calls for some HJ 1 4.

This computer can help you pick what kind of nose you want

This could be such a wonderful play. I wish Kyle was here to see it.

This could mean the visitors want to talk to us.

This entire experiment is turning out very bad.

This episode is "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

This episode is about a boy's search for his father.

This episode is called "Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut." It's our favorite.

This episode is called "Weight Gain 4000." It's our favorite episode.

This episode teaches racial tolerance...

This graph shows everything from normal to bad.

This has gone far enough. I won't drive until you tell me what this is about.

This here's old Scratch. Say hi, old fella.

This is a great way to experience America.

This is all a mistake. This can't be happening.

This is an all you can eat buffet.

This is Anasazi writing! This must be thousands of years old.

This is big! Johnson! Johnson, are you there?

This is horrible.

This is horrible. All of this because we didn't believe in Mr. Hankey.

This is it. This one's for the game. Kick the baby.

This is just a stupid triangle.

This is our new Ethernopian: Starvin' Marvin.

This is pretty f* * * * d up.

This is Robert from Torrey Pines. I asked for advice on my ex wife.

This is serious bullsh *t!

This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up, and I look totally ripped.

This is the most God awful piece of crap I've ever seen.

This is the new retarded kid.

This is the one time of year to care about people who can't eat.

This is the story of South Park.

This is the time of year you're supposed to share.

This is what you eat before you eat to make you more hungry.

This isn't happening. Everyone look away. Nothing to see here.

This isn't unusual. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.

This must be a pretty hard time of year for you.

This must be it.

This next episode is definitely our favorite. It's called "Death."

This next episode is Trey and I's favorite:

This one's yours, Stan.

This rope will make sure they can't take you onboard again.

This should just about wrap it up... Wait, what's this?

This was the pilot, done before we had a series...

This whole idea is stupid!

Those are some pissed off turkeys.

Those guys are totally scared.

Thou must taketh me to Satan's seed...

Though you, for some reason, found it necessary to take our son...

Thought you could get away with it, Mr. Hat?

Throughout history, there have always been very bad shows.

Throw a punch.

Tired of not getting chicks? Tired of being a 90 pound weakling?

To fight this disease, all proceeds from this video go to pinkeye research.

To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!

To hell with you both.

To honor this special time of year, we'll be doing a canned food drive.

Today, you fight for your city.

Tom's Rhinoplasty

Tonight is the Middle Park Cowboys against the South Park Cows.

Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job...

Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame.

Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame.

Toon Central is now under incredible pressure...

Torture!

Touchdown!

Trey and I are right excited because this is our favorite episode

Trey, it's okay. Go ahead and tell them.

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat.

Trick or...

Try and stay positive. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. In the meantime...

Tug a little harder, Billy.

Turn him back. He has to buy the Yellow Mega Man.

Two little hippies sitting in a tree

UFOs?

Uh oh, look out, it's the oppressors!

Uncle Jimbo, Cartman's missing!

Use family love as a weapon against her.

Use lots of bug spray...

Use the fat kid as bait to bring them back.

Use those mouth muscles like the girls in Beijing

Usually about 9:30 a.m., children.

Usually they get canceled.

Very wonderful woman. Both Trey and I really respect her work with Regis.

Visitors, you took my brother. He's freckled and looks like a football.

Wait a minute. I want to do something special for your party.

Wait a minute. Saturday's my party! They can't have the fight on Saturday!

Wait a minute. Wait.

Wait till everyone sees my Chewbacca costume. They're gonna be so jealous.

Wait till you see my Halloween costume. It kicks ass.

Wait until she sees what a lesbian I am.

Wait your turn, Clyde.

Wait, I'm sorry. Was it the pagan remark?

Wait, that thing landed on Kenny and they took him to the mortuary.

Wait, there's a ram!

Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth! It had a baby!

Wait, wait, wait! Three, two and one.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Who is that?

Wait, you guys, he's alive.

Wait! I may not have Santa, but I do have Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.

Wait! Where are you going, alien visitors? Come back!

Wait. The president of the network is going to make a statement.

Was it the ones with the big heads and black eyes?

Watch what you say. You might be poor and hungry someday.

We all put our life savings in this game!

We are aware of your concerns, Chef, but...

We are deeply offended by the Nativity scene in front of the capital office.

We are prepared to do the same. Ready?

We are spreading the word to this establishment...

We better come up with a backup plan.

We can eat at Cartman's and see naughty pictures of his mom.

We can make a little boat out of cardboard and pretend it's a cruise.

We can make a mint killing this thing.

We can make it in time for dinner.

We can show everyone the spirit of Christmas.

We can still get her!

We can work on making you not gay together. Sparky?

We can't do anything until we get them!

We can't miss the apocalyptic battle.

We can't sing songs having to do with Jesus or Santa Claus.

We cannot have our children beating each other in front of Kathie Lee!

We could go with something smaller, which would make you look like this:

We could've won that talent show.

We couldn't get enough sponsors, so we gotta pack it up.

We created Kenny. If we wanna kill him, we can.

We dig them up and find over 1 2 new arrowheads every month.

We don't believe you won that contest fairly, fat boy.

We don't care that someone's coming. Can't you say something else?

We don't have a chance.

We don't really care. We think she's a fu...

We enjoy soda pop, baseball and beating up old people as much as anybody.

We feel we owe it to our fans to put subliminal messages into each episode.

We follow Barbra Streisand as she tries to take over the world.

We found an Etheropian. Can we keep him?

We got out of school

We got out of school No more school today

We got Terrance and Phillip canceled.

We got tired of dancing, so we found a private spot.

We have a celebrity judge, the star of Family Ties, Miss Tina Yothers.

We have all sorts of gay animals here. Over here we have a gay lion.

We have gay water buffalo. Here's a gaggle of gay gooses.

We have great fans and great fan mail.

We have little time. Have you seen Barbra Streisand?

We have to at least see the weigh in.

We have to find Mega Mans for Cartman.

We have to find out if Cartman's pig is pregnant.

We have to get the surgery again, Mr. Hat. I wanna be the old me again.

We have to go practice.

We have to go tell Santa Claus what we want.

We have to say goodbye to South Park.

We have to stop them, or they could destroy everything. Time is short.

We have to stop this smut from airing.

We have with us via satellite Eric Cartman from South Park...

We hope you can come back to school soon.

We interrupt this program to bring you loud static.

We keep going until somebody falls. Last one standing gets the arrowhead.

We love you too.

We love you, Kathie Lee!

We loved her acting.

We might not know for a couple of days.

We must take her back to Iraq!

We need more than that. They'll come back in larger numbers.

We need to boycott the entire network. All those in favor?

We need to commit our friend Kyle.

We should have the chef of the school sing and show our ethnic diversity.

We should splice pigs with elephants, tomatoes with apples.

We shouldn't have brought him here.

We spent hours looking for that arm, but it was never found.

We told you, dude.

We told you.

We used to freeze frame a lot of her acting on the VCR...

We want it to go off when he hits the high F.

We want more quality television like Full House.

We want to put a trigger on that bomb...

We wanted to do an episode on disease. Pinkeye was the right one.

We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth is dating Richard Grieco..

We were watching Terrance and Phillip and...

We will all follow suit, one by one if that's what it takes.

We will be taking Terrance and Phillip off the network...

We will march to the network and protest until our demands are met.

We will not let these corporate half wits ruin our children's minds.

We won't hurt her. We need blood.

We won't let our Thanksgiving be ruined by a bunch of turkeys.

We'll be back to part 1 4 of Terrance & Phillip...

We'll be drinking plenty on this trip.

We'll be on the cover of Guns & Ammo.

We'll be right back to Jesus and Pals after this.

We'll catch you later, Kyle.

We'll finish learning about singers of the baroque era.

We'll get to the bottom of this at the morgue.

We'll get you, you bitch.

We'll hold them off.

We'll just see about that!

We'll meet back here in 1 5 minutes. Hurry.

We'll never get candy if Kenny keeps eating people.

We'll roshambo for it. I'll kick you in the nuts. Then you kick me.

We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?

We're all with you, Jesus. We put all our money on you.

We're both firm believers in euthanasia. At a certain age...

We're doomed! Goodbye, Mr. Hat.

We're gonna miss Terrance and Phillip. I think I'm already having withdrawal.

We're in the finals for America's Stupidest Home Videos.

We're looking for a starving African child...

We're looking for a starving Ethiopian boy...

We're losing him.

We're not watching Terrance and Phillip, I swear

We're ready to see your science project.

We're right excited about this next episode because it's our favorite one.

We're running out of friends.

We're splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.

We're sure to win, Cartman. Then you'll get your DNA money.

We're terribly sorry about the mix up. We'll get you home immediately.

We've got to do something, children!

We've got to learn that.

We've got to turn this place around. Take down anything that's offensive...

We've saved Thanksgiving.

We've seen that America is preoccupied with gayness.

Weak!

Weak! She only likes lesbians?

Weeks after the devastating attack of mutant beasts, zombies and turkeys...

Weight Gain 4000

Welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride!

Welcome to the South Park Elementary Holiday Experience.

Welcome to the Worcestershire hotline.

Welcome, Bebe. Presents go to your left.

Welcome, Clyde. Presents on the table to your left.

Well, boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.

Well, Evel Knievel, why don't you jump over them with your rocket cycle?

Well, go right ahead, Officer Barbrady.

Well, hell, you know what I mean!

Well, how about we make you a new costume? Let's see now...

Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, in the dark...

Well, I guess you win.

Well, I think I'II...

Well, I was standing out in a field.

Well, I'll be a teenage girl at an Aerosmith concert

Well, I'm no biologist...

Well, I've got a long night ahead of me.

Well, it was the mortician and his assistant at the morgue.

Well, Jesus, I definitely learned my lesson.

Well, Kyle, no! You hear me? You go to hell!

Well, let's go eat that candy.

Well, let's let him drain

Well, maybe that's it

Well, Mr. Garrison, how is the little play going?

Well, nice party, see you later.

Well, not if it's Cartman.

Well, old Kyle's gonna be locked up for a while. Get used to it.

Well, screw you too!

Well, see you guys. I'm gonna go play in my back yard.

Well, shucks, if I weren't real, could I sing this jolly Christmas song?

Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie. Two A+ students in a cloning war.

Well, that does sound pretty good.

Well, three times bigger than Frank Gifford's, anyway.

Well, we always kidnap Middle Park's mascot.

Well, we owe everything to this friendly yet misunderstood creature.

Well, we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.

Well, yes, I suppose you could.

Well, you certainly tried to put one over on us, boy howdy.

Well, you see, Eric...

Well, you'll be minding your business and they'll come marching in...

Well, you're all a bunch of f* * * * * g a * * * * * * s.

Wendy, for her Chewbacca costume.

Wendy, I know I wished you were dead.

Wendy, look!

Wendy, we just got a call in the office. Your grandma just died

Wendy, you need to stop with this jealousy thing.

Wendy, you were supposed to get me the Mega Power Chopper.

Wendy, you wore black leather too

Wendy?

What a beautiful morning for fishing. There's a fish!

What a bitch!

What a delightful scarf! Thank you, Kyle.

What a splendid party.

What about not holding anything against the winner?

What am I gonna do? My brother has been abducted by aliens.

What am I supposed to do?

What are they talking about?

What are we gonna do?

What are we waiting for?

What are you doing eating Salisbury steak?

What are you doing to prepare for this catastrophe?

What are you doing?

What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!

What could it be?

What crawls up your leg and bites the inside of your ass?

What did he say?

What did you say?!

What do you have to say about this outcome?

What do you mean? Have you seen Step by Step?

What do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost victory?

What do you want? This is how it happened.

What does this mean to the town?

What happened? Stan?

What has our youth come to?

What have I said?

What headgear?

What if he really wants to die, and he's just asking for help?

What in God's name have you been doing?

What is he talking about?

What is it? Did you break something?

What is sick and wrong about two beings sharing the most intimate of moments?

What is that?

What is this trench doing here?! We can't get across!

What is wrong with you? Haven't you noticed the snow on the ground?

What kind of a name is Pip?

What kind of stuff do you get in the mail from fans in general?

What moment is that?

What should we do with him?

What should you do if a volcano erupts near you or your family?

What sucks is now we have to watch Bob Saget.

What the heck is this?

What the hell are you doing? This is horribly wrong

What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay!

What the hell do you mean, "if"?

What the hell do you want?

What the hell has gotten into you? You have got severe lunchroom duty!

What the hell is going on?

What the hell is this?

What the hell?

What the hell? He didn't sing the high F.

What the hell.

What the hell's going on?

What the...?

What the...?

What the...? I tell you, there's crazy stuff going on in this town.

What was that for?

What would Nancy Kerrigan do? Not give up.

What would you know? You never get higher than a D!

What you need to do, Damien, is to be overly nice.

What?

What?

What?

What? But she looks just like everybody else. Up yours, Tina Yothers!

What? How do you know she has a cat?

What? Me?

What? No! Did I?

What? Son of a bitch!

What? Who the hell did that to my mom at the Drunken Barn Dance?

What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute.

What? You won't get away with this!

What?!

What?!

What's a dildo, Kenny?

What's going on? Are you on drugs?

What's happening, Indian Companion? Someone coming?

What's next, meatloaf?

What's that elephant doing?

What's that noise?

What's that?

What's that?

What's the idea of having your mom call all our moms?

What's the matter, Leonard Maltin?

What's this thing supposed to be? It doesn't look like anything.

What's up, homeys?

What's wrong with you? Can't you have a little alcohol?

What's wrong, Stan? You seem down.

What's your name, dude?

Whatever word you use, it represents one thing:

When Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving special...

When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them...

When is this gonna be on the air?

When it looked the darkest, she fought to be the best.

When the forces of evil descend, we conquer them by sticking together.

When they cut up a chick's stomach to get a baby out?

When you see Shelly, kick her ass. Shelly very bad!

When's the last time you changed your socks?

Where did he leave off?

Where do you keep getting this? No pink bandanna. Bad dog!

Where exactly does the canyon go?

Where is Chief Running...? I mean Dad, now?

Where is Kyle? We don't have all night.

Where is she?

Where the hell have you been?

Where's he going?

Where's Kyle?

Where's Mr. Hankey?

Where's the bus? We'll be late for practice

Where's this amazing thing you were gonna show us?

Which is silly. If an elephant was on a pig...

Which is what Clyde will be getting me.

Which song?

While shooting My Fair Lady, Barbra found one triangle.

Who cares? Now, kids, what's say we give it our South Park best!

Who decided it had to be on Saturday? This is a plot against me, isn't it?

Who do you think was the one person that bet on Jesus to win?

Who is that?

Who is the boy I saw on the news report tonight?

Who let these flies in here? Hasn't anybody heard of insect repellent?

Who put his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha?

Who said that?

Who said that?

Who was the first one to come in here sick?

Who was the first one to come in here sick?

Who will win? Jesus or the Prince of Darkness?

Whoa, dude!

Whoa! Hey, wait, wait!

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why bad?

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.

Why do they like Kenny so much? Doesn't he like me?

Why do you care?

Why do you keep killing Kenny? What did he do to you?

Why does Kenny die so often and so horribly?

Why don't we all sit back, get a little rowdy...

Why don't we go watch those porno movie thingies?

Why don't you get some rest? I'll check on you a little later.

Why don't you go over and kick him in the balls? Grizzly bears like that.

Why don't you go to San Francisco with the other ****?

Why don't you go to San Francisco with the other ****?

Why have we been driving around all day when there's a plan B?

Why is it that everything today has involved things...

Why is that ******* kid playing quarterback?

Why is that ******* kid playing quarterback?

Why is your family poor? Is your dad an alcoholic too?

Why the hell would you dress like Evel Knievel? I hope you are...

Why won't anybody talk about this?

Why, hello there. I don't think I've seen you around before.

Why, it's a dead animal. Thank you, Wendy.

Why, thank you, Kenny. How nice of you.

Why, thank you, Peter Panda. It's a distinctive Earl Grey.

Why? What's the point?

Will they eventually run out, like a video game?

Winner by knockout...

With a minute left in the half...

With a report, a midget in a bikini.

With my new friend, Big Gay Al.

Women don't get pregnant from tongue kissing, children.

Won't your grandpa be there?

Worse yet, the stomach flu that is going around is...

Would that be fair to the other children?

Would this be for hunting, protection or other?

Would you agree this episode confirms Matt and Trey are sick weirdoes?

Would you get down to business so we can find Ike?

Would you like more tea, Polly Prissypants?

Would you shut up? Nobody gives a rat's ass!

Would you stop going on about your brother?

Wow, I guess Death was just coming after Kenny the whole time.

Wow, I knew I would win.

Wow, Mr. Hat. Looks like we might win.

Wow, poor Kenny.

Wow, she's pretty.

Wow, that'd be cool!

Wow, that's a pretty good nose job. What do you think, Mr. Hat?

Wow, the animals are really happy.

Wow, to think all this time I'm actually a naive American.

Wow, what incredible irony.

Wow! Wendy looks like that chick from Grease, Elton John.

Wow. That's pretty heavy.

Wow. You said a mouthful.

Wrong! We've already got our human clone under way

Y'all sit back and have a rootin' tootin' good time...

Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace. First caller?

Yea. Many of you are seeking answers and I am the way for you, my children.

Yeah, all right!

Yeah, beep like a Jeep.

Yeah, but pigs aren't smart like elephants.

Yeah, dude, it looks riveting.

Yeah, fat boy saw it.

Yeah, Frank? It's Randy.

Yeah, granola pisses me off.

Yeah, I do. Pop Tarts are frosted.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, I only weigh 90 pounds.

Yeah, I'm afraid the two of you have pinkeye.

Yeah, it sucks. I have to know who my father is, I just have to.

Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on

Yeah, it's smoking.

Yeah, like assisted suicide. What about that?

Yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbra Streisand concert.

Yeah, right

Yeah, right! You'll go watch TV and eat Cheesy Poofs, ass master.

Yeah, something feels unfinished.

Yeah, that'd be cool!

Yeah, that's it, Kenny. You can't trick or treat with us anymore.

Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, all right.

Yeah, they're almost as big as his mom's!

Yeah, this is the third day in a row. I wonder what's wrong.

Yeah, we'll show them.

Yeah, whatever. But the mayor called and asked me to sing at the ceremony.

Yeah, when two women are involved.

Yeah, you're strong and smart. Everybody likes you.

Yeah.

Yeah. We wanna crossbreed an elephant with a pig.

Yes indeedy.

Yes, and I may have made a horrible mistake.

Yes, but I want to see if you're learning anything.

Yes, he's been decapitated!

Yes, Kenny, what is it?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, we have, Dad. My very own human clone.

Yes, you do, you little pecker!

Yes!

Yes! And we can have the children of South Park put on a play.

Yes?

Yes. I made Trey from splicing a tomato and a flounder.

Yes. You see, that triangle is part of my kidney dialysis machine.

You are not to watch that show anymore.

You are one of the coolest people in the world, and you are not fat.

You are really reaching right now.

You are the ******* community.

You are tough and handsome.

You bastards, this isn't over! Wait until tomorrow!

You better let me take that, Kyle.

You boys get first prize.

You boys watch The X Files too much.

You can believe in him now.

You can eat all you want for $6.99. That's why we all come on Tuesdays.

You can edit this, right? Ready? Three, two, one.

You can have an eensy weensy bit, can't you?

You can reach your goals. I'm living proof.

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.

You can say that again.

You can see him? I'm not crazy?

You can splice DNA from some animals and make them better.

You can try.

You can't always score, but when you do...

You can't kill my grandpa, he's already passed on.

You can't scare me. You're making it all up.

You can't. Poor Ike must be so scared, up there all alone. Help me.

You changed your bet. You forsaked me too.

You could splice elephant genes with a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes.

You could use this for your science fair projects next month.

You could wind up a hideous creature, forced to live in the sewers...

You cows can't get on this train. This is a people train.

You cows have no business on a people train, all right? You're cows.

You did, Jesus.

You don't deserve to win, Cartman, and you know it!

You don't see that every day.

You don't! Leave Fluffy out of this!

You enjoy the show even though it isn't based in reality.

You farted! Oh, my!

You farted.

You farted.

You fight for your honor.

You fired Johnson. I'm his replacement, Ted

You fools have no idea the powers you're meddling with.

You get your butt kicked by a girl.

You go first, Bebe.

You go to hell and you die! You'll have to take your seat.

You got in trouble. You got in trouble.

You got it.

You got together with my mom at the Drunken Barn Dance.

You gotta get over this jealousy thing.

You guys are going a long way to try and scare me.

You guys, get me down from here!

You guys, guess what?

You guys, I am seriously getting pissed off right now.

You guys, I know a scary story.

You guys, it's just me!

You guys, look.

You guys, Sally Struthers is holding food from us!

You guys, this works pretty good right now.

You had waffles for breakfast.

You have a choice in Worcestershire sauces. We...

You have to stop this bus!

You have to take the special ed bus!

You hear? We'll be rich!

You jerk! You were trying to kill Grandpa.

You just came from the bathroom

You just can't kill anything.

You kissed her with your tongue.

You know something, pal? You smell an awful lot like flowers.

You know what I'm saying, G? Check you later. I'm gonna go chill with my dad.

You know what they say about women with one arm longer than the other.

You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.

You know what you f* * *ing like? You like to f* * *!

You know what? Never mind. I don't need to know all this.

You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman.

You made it this way.

You mean this one? He's my new pet elephant

You mean, are we gay?

You mean, like, "the" Barbra Streisand?

You might visit the genetic engineering ranch outside of town for help.

You might want to review the essays. We think Cartman cheated.

You must be some kind of f* * * to ignore a crying child!

You need all three or it won't work.

You need to kick more ass to beat the Cowboys.

You need to lay off the cough syrup. Seriously. I'm worried about you.

You need to leave Mommy alone.

You need to make sure you do not just go out...

You need to set the mood. Let me show you boys what I'm talking about.

You nut. You just caught us doing what we love to do most...

You of all people should be sympathetic.

You people focus so hard on the things wrong with Christmas...

You said beating the spread was a sure thing!

You scrawny assed sh * *! What the f* * * is wrong with you?

You see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass.

You see that, Stan? Now, that is a dirty little bastard.

You see, Mr. Hat, we don't have to kill her. We can upstage her.

You see, Starvin' Marvin, these are called appetizers.

You see, when Jackie Collins first wrote her novel...

You send money, and they write you a letter.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

You should be able to, you know, by people you love.

You should be enlightening your mind with more intelligent entertainment.

You should be wearing socks to sleep. You'll catch a cold.

You should have seen her nose. It's big enough to land planes on.

You should speak to the counselor. He helps me.

You shouldn't be so upset. I know it's hard, but they'll accept you someday.

You shouldn't have done that!

You shouldn't have written about dolphins. Dolphins are stupid.

You sick bastard!

You smell like a fart, new kid.

You talking to me? I don't like this one either.

You talking to me? You talking to me?

You talking to me?!

You taught me the meaning of family. Families don't get along.

You threw it away. It's mine.

You tore up my entire gun shop! You better have a good explanation for this!

You trying to kill me?

You want to be both nurturing and clinging at the same time.

You were with my mother at the Drunken Barn Dance.

You will? Wow, you guys are the best.

You won't get away with this, you bastards!

You won't ride on Santa's sleigh, because you're a Jew.

You write alien encounter material with a certain knowledge.

You'd better get my stylist too. Don't worry, things are under control.

You'll be sorry when I ride on Santa's sleigh with Mr. Hankey.

You'll be sorry when I ride on Santa's sleigh with Mr. Hankey.

You'll love this next episode. It's our favorite. "Tom's Rhinoplasty."

You'll love this next one, it's our favorite.

You'll never be bigger than me, Stan. Never!

You're a dead man, Jimbo!

You're about to see what it's like to be as old as me. Are you ready?

You're all a bunch of Judases.

You're famous and important, but you don't know John Elway?

You're gonna have to do it.

You're gonna kick his ass, Jesus.

You're lucky you missed Kathie Lee and that nobody got hurt.

You're not gonna lay that Channukah crap on me, are you?

You're not using Fluffy's blood! I'll kick you in the nuts!

You're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, m'kay?

You're one screwed up little kid. You understand?

You're out!

You're right, Stan. Thank you, boys.

You're right.

You're right. Come on, Stan. We have to get Cartman.

You're right. You gonna eat your cobbler?

You're smart, Uncle Jimbo.

You're so immature! Act like 8 year olds.

You're so obsessed with ending your life, you're not thinking about his

You're such a fat ass, when you walk around, people go:

You're that insane genetic engineer, right?

You're the ass master. There's a difference.

You're the one who cut him in half.

You're too young to take care of him.

You're wondering why we're here with a pile of money and no pants on.

You've got to prioritize. What's more important:

You've gotta leave your precious bubble sometime.

You've made a horrible mistake. You put the people of South Park in jeopardy!

Your family is poor, Kenny. Your family is poor!

Your mom was too drunk to remember what happened.

Your mom's a bitch, but we shouldn't suffer.

Your mom's giving you a big party again?

Your sister kicked your ass!

Your sister? For Pete's sake, don't be such a wuss!

Your stupid mother made me miss Terrance and Phillip.

Your temperature is 55 degrees. You have no pulse, no heartbeat.

Your time here is short. Soon, my father comes.

"Christmas poo"? What's "Christmas poo"?

"Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch" in D minor? I said not to call my mom a bitch, Cartman!

"Little Boy's Tea Party. " We're in the finals.

"Pov"? Poverty stricken citizen.

A boy found the Triangle of Zinthar. Where?

A certain student's mother called. I wonder who that could have been?

A few hundred? That's the life of a model, baby.

A hook! A knife!

A lot of celebrities have condos. Then we've got to keep looking.

A pig elephant? That's not a bad idea. I told you guys.

A plebeian? You don't know what a lesbian is?

A version of me? Bigger than a regular clone?

Actually... Well, I can assure you...

Am I an Indian or a pioneer? You have a feather on your head?

Am I too late? Who are you?

Anal probe. Shut up, dildo!

And bear cried to eagle... Running Water, some kid's here.

And I don't have $3,000. Wow, we're sorry your mom's a whore.

And it's okay to be gay. What?

And now back to She's the Sheriff. No! God, no!

And this here's old Scratch. Hi, Scratch.

And your eyes are puffy and sticky. Oh, no, you mean...

Anthropologist! How's it going?

Any allergies? No.

Anything for you, sugar pie. Hi, Kyle.

Are those the same visitors you saw? Shut up, it's not working.

Are we late for the party? What town is this?

Are we making love now? Excuse me?

Are you gonna do it? Of course.

Are you ready, Grandpa? Does a pope crap in the woods?

Are you staring at my neck brace? No, I mean, yes? What neck brace?

Are you sure Stan is that good? Not that sure.

Are you sure? He knew about the symbol of Krulak.

Ask if we get the watch right away. Do we get the watch right away?

Ask the Lord for guidance. Yeah.

Attaboy! Great pass, Stan!

Babe, everything's gonna be okay. They're turning back to normal.

Back to you. Thanks. Those are cute kids.

Bad. Why bad?

Barbra has the Triangle of Zinthar? She's made the Diamond of Pantheous.

Bark, bark... Good.

Bean casserole or vegetable medley. Kick ass.

Bebe, I need a makeover. Cool.

Because he's poor. Because he's poor.

Because I'm the son of the Devil? That's good, why else?

Because it's Christmas. Our family doesn't celebrate Christmas!

Because it's not gonna work. Hold it right there, cows.

Because why? Because 8 year olds can't be parents!

Beefcake! Beefcake!

Beefcake! I'll tell you.

Beefcake. Beefcake! They won't get all of you in frame.

Beep, beep... That's it.

Being a pilgrim totally sucks ass. Gosh, I hope we don't starve.

Billy, I wanna show you something. Do I have to?

Boo, I'm a ghost. Oh, man, I feel like a total choad.

Boy, what the fudge are you doing? Just laying down some rhymes.

Boys, shouldn't you be in school? It's Saturday.

Bulk up to what? Fat ass? Super fat ass?

But her note said she'd be here. Hi, Stan.

But I didn't mean it. Kill her, Stan.

But I don't want to spend time... Don't be difficult!

But why? First of all, you're 8.

But, Dad, he... Say it!

But, Mom...! Talk to your father.

Bye bye, Miss Ellen. Wendy, you didn't!

Call 91 1! Kenny, she was going to give us candy.

Call the number, Kyle. The zombies are coming.

Can I have my medication now? Beep like a Jeep.

Can I help you? Yes. I need a gun.

Can I please be excused? I don't know. Did you ask Mr. Hat?

Can I tell you something, Miss Ellen? Of course, Wendy.

Can we have some candy now? What are you doing dressed like that?

Cartman doesn't know either. I know what it is!

Cartman farted! That was just my shoes.

Cartman, talk about wide load. I'm starting to fill out nicely.

Cartman, they killed Kenny. He's not dead.

Cartman? What's a multiplication table?

Cartman? You scared the crap out of me, Ike!

Cartman's mom! Right, right.

Cartman's pee. You would taste my pee!

Change my bet! Mine on the Devil!

Check this out. Whoa, dude.

Chef, the turkeys. All right.

Chef? Ever so gently.

Chef? Spank it.

Chef's gonna make love to Miss Ellen! What?

Chef's really scared of ghosts, huh? Where's Kyle?

Chief, I want your hot man chowder. Whoa, hello!

Children, today is a very special day. My birthday isn't until Saturday.

Children, today is a very special day. My birthday isn't until Saturday.

Children! Chef!

Choice piece of ass. Piece of crap, I'll kill you!

Christmas snow. Try to catch flakes on your tongue.

Come on, I'll roshambo you for it. Go to hell, Cartman.

Come on, Kenny! Come on, son!

Come on, Kenny. Kyle, no!

Come on, let's go! There you are!

Come on, let's move! Move! Wait, wait!

Come on, we're running late! We always run late, you skank.

Come on, we're running late. We're not getting on, you ugly bitch.

Cool! Now a word from our sponsor.

Cool! Principal Victoria, please.

Could you excuse me for a minute? You gotta be kidding me.

Crap! Now what? Who cares if your dog's gay?

Dad, you're the best. Oh, my God! He only has one ass!

Damien! Son of stench. Ruler of the weak.

Damn it, Cartman! What's the matter?

Damn it, do you want a dollar or not? Sure.

Damn it! Ha ha, Mr. Hat yelled at you.

Damn it! Language!

Damn it! Wendy.

Damn it! What?

Damn it! Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?

Damn it! This won't work! Hello, children.

Damn, I think I missed. What is wrong with you people?!

Damn, woman, what's gotten into you? Whoopee!

Damn! Then we must look for them. What is this all about?

Damn. Hey, look, you guys.

Did I what? Good morning, children.

Did it come? Is it here?

Did it work? I don't know.

Did it work? No.

Did our digital sports watch come? Not yet, hon.

Did you check the shopping...? We'll look after the game.

Did you like that episode? You bet!

Did you see that rainbow this morning? It was huge.

Did you send the videotape? I mailed it last night.

Didn't you make sweet love to her? No, she's not like that.

Do kids make fun of you? Sometimes.

Do something about the living dead. You mean Tina Yothers?

Do you feel better? No.

Do you have any questions? Can I see that again, that was cool.

Do you have to take the tree too? Mayor's orders.

Do you understand? I guess.

Do you want an office referral? No.

Doctor. Why, hello, Chef.

Does it always have to be me? I'm afraid it does.

Dog dance. Dog dance.

Dolphins are intelligent and friendly. Intelligent and friendly on rye bread.

Dolphins are smarter than you. Then why do they live in igloos?

Don't f* * * with me! What?

Don't get scared, Cartman. Shut up! I'm not scared of nothing!

Don't mind him. He's *******. Oh.

Don't talk about my mom like that! Let's watch TV.

Down! Down! Everybody down! What the hell?

Dressing like Hitler is not bad ass. You're jealous.

Drink these raw eggs, Jesus. No way.

Drive! Drive! You give your mommy a kissy.

Dude, I'm starting to have flashbacks. What?

Dude, it can't be cooler than mine. We ought to get our costumes ready.

Dude, Kenny. Oh, my God, call 91 1!

Dude, Snacky Cakes? What do I do?

Dude, visitors! What?

Dude, we lost. Damn it!

Dude, weak. You get back there

Dude, what the hell is wrong? Nothing. It's just, nothing.

Dude! Is there a problem?

Dude! Now, that is not cool. Sorry, sorry.

Dumb ass. He's so stupid.

Elementary alumni? That's as far as most got.

Eric is the best. Hurray for Eric.

Eric, I didn't get an invitation. Really? Gosh...

Eric, look who's here. Good work, Mom!

Eric, would you please come up here? Here it is, my big moment of fame.

Ever heard of the band, The Cure? Come on...

Everybody hates me. Well, why do you suppose that is?

Everybody likes you. That's nice, Peter Panda.

Everything's okay. Are you still trying to be a lesbian?

Excuse me? Oh, boy. Here we go again.

Fart, damn you! Okay, that does it!

Find him! Mr. Garrison won't let us go.

Fine, how are you? Super, thanks for asking.

Finish her, dude, she's a zombie now. I know, but...

First prize is two tons of candy. Wow, cool.

Flashlight? Check.

From the commercial? Yeah, that one.

Garrison, what are you doing? You're drunk, Mr. Hat.

Garrison? Impossible, he's gay. I'm not gay!

Genetic engineering ranch? Sweet! We need a pig.

Get him in the ribs. Tree hugger!

Get in here! West side.

Get ready to take your places. Thank you, Chef.

Getting my best friend back. Get in there, boy.

Give it your best shot... Oh, God in heaven!

Give me that cake! No, this is my cake.

Go build a tepee. You'll be Natasha Henstridge tonight.

Go home, you little dildo. Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.

Go on and go home, you fat chicken! Dildo!

Go to Endor, wookiee! Wookiees don't live on Endor!

Goddamn it, don't shoot me! What the sam hill?

Goddamn it, I can't do it! You pansy! Give me that gun!

Goddamn it, tell her! I wanna go home. Maybe this will help jar your memory

Goddamn, that little turd bit me. Me too.

Goddamn! I heard that.

Good morning, children. Wow!

Good morning, Mrs. Crabtree. Sit down, we're late!

Good night, Grandpa. You son of a whore!

Goodbye, Miss Ellen. Stop kissing ass.

Gosh, you're looking swell. Go away.

Gotcha! That's not scary.

Grandpa? That's right, Billy.

Gun! Gun!

Guys, we have to stop him! Stop who?

Hang out and screw hot chicks. You can't

Have you guys heard of Skuzzlebutt? What butt?

Have you seen her?! Not since Yentl.

He did it! No more Barbra Streisand ever!

He doesn't know what he wrote. What was your paper about?

He hasn't moved or said anything. Hello, children.

He made Kenny a duck billed platypus! A what?

He really wants to die. It's okay.

He recognizes you, dude. That's good, dude. Just calm down.

He thinks we're making it up. You are making it up.

He throws up when you talk to him. But why, Stan?

He's gay. Okay, okay, I admit it.

He's in the back yard. In the back yard?

He's more screwed up than I thought. Let's get this video to Mr. Mackey.

He's not meaner than Sparky! Let's see. Hey, Sylvester!

He's still there. Don't worry.

He's too dangerous, son. But, Dad, I want a human clone!

Hello there, Enrique. What are we doing here?

Hello there. Hey, Chef

Hello there. Hey, Chef.

Hello there. Hey, Chef.

Hello there. Happy Halloween. Must eat brains.

Hello, boys. We were wondering why fat ass...

Hello, children. Hey, Chef.

Hello, children. Hey, Chef.

Hello, children. Hey, Chef.

Hello, Eric. Hi, Mom.

Hello, is this Sally Struthers? What did she say?

Hello, Officer Barbrady. Nice gun.

Hello? Is this Robert Smith of The Cure?

Hello? Yo, Pops.

Hello. Can I help you?

Help! Run, run, run!

Here they are. We did it, son.

Here, I think it's your boy. Thanks.

Here, you need a bigger gun. Look!

Hey Terrance, I think I have to fart. Wait, before you do, pull my thumb.

Hey, Chef. Chef, no.

Hey, dudes. Make sure we've got everything.

Hey, dudes. What kind of costume is that?

Hey, guys. How's it going?

Hey, he isn't hurt. He threw the fight! Yeah!

Hey, he's coming towards us. Why is Death coming after us?

Hey, how's practice coming there, Chef? Oh, fine.

Hey, I didn't throw up. Cool.

Hey, Jesus. Why are you out so late?

Hey, look, a French fry. Cool.

Hey, Mom. Yes, hon?

Hey, Phillip. Yes, Terrance?

Hey, what's that? That's a hamburger.

Hey! Don't push your beliefs on me. I agree.

Hi, Dad. Who are you?

Hi, guys. Hi, Wendy.

Hi, guys. Oh, look, another hippie.

Hi, I'm Trey Parker. I'm Matt. Matt Stone, that is.

Hi, Mrs. Kimball. Howdy, Mr. Garrison.

Hi, Shelly. You looking at my headgear?

Hi, Sparky. Who's that?

Hi, Stan! Oh, hi, Wendy.

Hi, Stan. I bet I scored 1 00.

Hi, Stan. We were gonna be Raggedy Ann and Andy.

Hi. I'm Trey Parker. I'm Matt Stone.

His butt's linked up to the visitors. Son of a bitch!

Hold him! Hold him!

Holy crap! The mountain, it's blown its top!

Hooray! Well, sit back, relax...

Hope it's not a gay clone. Yeah. That's so stupid.

How about ice cream? Yeah, with butterscotch.

How are my little crackers? Good.

How are you doing? Well, I'm pissed off.

How are you today? Fine.

How are you, Damien? They farted on me and called me..

How did you get him? He came instead of the sports watch.

How did you know that? Because I'm the son of God, brainiac.

How did your date go? Not too good.

How do we do that? Do what I do, get them good and drunk.

How do you know? It's in my parents' closet.

How does that make the world better? My four assed ostrich.

How is your beefy roast, snookums? Mom, can I ask you a question?

How much? Three thousand.

How you doing? Bad.

How'd it go? Did you make love?

How's it feel to be 1 02, Paps? Shoot me.

How's it going? Bad.

How's it going? Bad.

How's your barrel full of candy? I didn't want that sweet stuff.

Howdy ho, all you South Parketeers. Howdy ho.

Howdy ho, you South Parketeers. Howdy ho!

Howdy ho! Mr. Hankey, where the hell did you go?

Howdy ho! Mr. Hankey.

Howdy, Mr. Garrison. Nice gun. Thank you.

I also understand that you're *******. Well, not on purpose.

I always heard she was a bitch. More than a bitch!

I bet I can spit the most on him. Oh, yeah? I bet I can spit in his hair.

I bet I get more candy than you. You crazy? I'm the candy master.

I bet I know what's coming. Billy, would you hold this for me.

I can live with that. Then let's get started.

I can shoot you! I can shoot you too!

I can sing "The Mr. Hankey Song." How does that go?

I can't believe that son of a bitch! Have some Snacky Cakes.

I can't break these locks. Stand back, Chef.

I can't even kill a deer. Have your friends do it.

I can't wait to get our Teiko watch. But I get to wear it first.

I can't, you son of a bitch! How do we get my brother back?

I didn't steal anything. Tell Kyle I'm not speaking with him.

I do not. Hi, guys.

I don't believe this! What a mean thing to do.

I don't get my ass kicked by a girl! At least I'm not a pig f* * * er!

I don't have $3,000. Oh, never mind.

I don't have a problem. It's my understanding...

I don't know about this. Yeah, I'm scared.

I don't know how much more I can take. All right, you asked for it!

I don't know, but it sounds sweet. Hello, everybody.

I don't know, it's a little small. Okay. How about this?

I don't know, it's a little small. Okay. How about this?

I don't know. What's the spread? Middle Park by 70 points.

I don't wanna! He can't hold it in forever.

I don't want to be a stupid ghost. And let me just make...

I draw the line at talking poo. What's all the ruckus?

I gotta call this hotline number. Pinkeye.

I guess all the kids are at that party. It's always a huge event.

I guess we should go, Mr. Hat. One more cosmopolitan, Mr. Garrison.

I had a crazy nightmare last night. Really? What about?

I had a Poofy Pie in that desk! Feel the wrath of the fallen angel.

I had these bogus nightmares. Really? What about?

I have a cousin who cheated on the SATs...

I have to get home. Don't be such a fraidy cat.

I haven't. You don't count, Halfy.

I hear one of you found my triangle. Your triangle?

I hope you've learned your lesson. No.

I killed my grandpa when I was young. Leave me alone, Grandpa.

I know my mom's credit card number. Is it waterproof?

I love that song. "Loving You"? That's perfect.

I love you, sweetheart. I love you too.

I mean Cartman, isn't at school. He's under the weather

I need to bike to the reservation. What are you talking about?

I never practiced. It's late for that bullcrap.

I said that rabbits eat lettuce. Well, yes, they certainly do.

I still don't have a helmet. We can't afford helmets for everyone.

I suppose if I must. Ready? I'll go first.

I sure am cold, Phillip. Yes, and hungry too.

I sure am hungry. How can you eat when you fart fire?

I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan! Why is your sister so mean?

I think he said his name is Marvin. Yeah, Starvin' Marvin.

I think I found one! No, I found it!

I think I left the oven on. I think I left your oven on too.

I think it worked, Bebe. Yeah.

I think so. No way!

I think that's illegal. See, I told you.

I think we better get help. Really?

I think you gave me the stomach flu. No, it was that little Kenny bastard.

I think you should ask Mr. Hat. Mr. Hat, may I please be excused?

I thought nature was beautiful. When does it go from beautiful to ugly?

I told you, but you didn't listen. Gather around and listen good.

I wanna bag that animal! That's the spirit! Let's hunt!

I want $500 on the South Park Cows. Are you crazy?

I want a potbellied elephant. I'll pay $50.

I want a Starvin' Marvin. Me too.

I want to change my bet to Satan. Me too.

I will. It's 8:00. My favorite TV show is on.

I wish I knew how to spell. Are there any questions?

I won, I won. Grandpa!

I won't bring food. Screw them! How about helping the less fortunate?

I would love some tea, thank you. You're welcome, Polly Prissypants.

I'd do it myself, but I'm too old. Who wants ice cream with their cake?

I'll bet you can't! Watch me!

I'll kill you! I'll fill you full of lead!

I'll put 300 on the Cows too. I wanna put money on the Cows too!

I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. You're on!

I'm a bigger lesbian. You're a fatter lesbian.

I'm a quarter lesbian. You're just saying that.

I'm Barbra Streisand! So?

I'm Chef. And...?

I'm gonna buy the coolest go cart. I'm gonna buy a Walkman.

I'm gonna need some more smack. You got it!

I'm gonna open up a restaurant here. My, how exciting.

I'm lusciously sorry for everything. They got our clone. He belongs to us.

I'm not fat. I'm festively plump. Why are you ******* on Christmas?

I'm not going to kill you, Grandpa. Ingrate!

I'm not hearing that. Hello?

I'm not kissing ass, you slut! Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?

I'm not playing. You what?

I'm not prepared either. Make something up, like Eric did.

I'm not your father. But you were the guy she was with.

I'm rootin' tootin' Trey Parker. And I'm Matt Stone

I'm Rootin' Tootin' Trey Parker. I'm Pistol Slinging Matt Stone.

I'm rootin' tootin' Trey. I'm pistol slinging Matt.

I'm sure glad that's over with. Boy, am I glad to see you, Ike!

I'm telling Mom. Damn it, I was so close.

I'm the substitute. Well, there's no substitute for you.

I'm Trey Parker. I'm Matt Stone.

I'm trying to trick or treat. Remind me to whip your ass.

I've got the green apple splatters. Green apple splatters.

Is it your father or your mother? Neither, it's my sister.

Is that legal? Oh, hell yes.

Is the heat on? Death's coming!

Is there a penny stuck in my butt? I don't know, let me check.

Is this hunting? I guess so.

Is this Jesus? Yes, my son.

Is this Jesus? Yes. You need to turn your TV down

Isn't that amazing, Mr. Hat? It sure is, Mr. Garrison

It appears you still don't understand. What don't I understand?

It sucks he has to leave. I like him a lot more than Cartman.

It was my mom's card. We'll switch off.

It's a game, dude. It's fun! You son of a bitch!

It's because I'm not a lesbian. Oh, boy.

It's been two days. I think he ran away

It's coming right for us! It's coming right for us.

It's immature toilet humor. But everybody watches it.

It's just a pig. Quit being a baby.

It's not my triangle, it's Kyle's! Don't pass it back on me, fat ass!

It's not on the program. They're increasing in number.

It's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons. Yeah, cartoons kick ass.

It's the living dead. What the hell are you talking about?

It's tree hugging hippie crap. Tell me what you wrote!

It's what we call a cliffhanger. Excuse me. Excuse me.

It's worth a lot of money to me. It is?

Jesus told you not to bet on Satan. Boy, did we get screwed.

Jesus! I only do autographs after the show.

Jesus? Jesus?

Jimbo, look. Oh, it's a deer.

Just $5 a month can sponsor a child. That's stupid. Who'd want to do that?

Just a second, fat ass! You vas deferens.

Just a weensy eensy woo woo? No. Leave me alone, Mom.

Just for a little bit? Your sister gonna kick your ass?

Just look more closely at it. No! Go away!

Just send in the geometrist! Geologist.

Kenny, you take the front. No, I can do it.

Kenny, you're gonna miss the fart. What the hell are you doing?

Kick ass! Sweet!

Kick ass. No! No!

Kill her! Mr. Hat!

Knock, knock, Mr. Hat. Who's there?

Kyle, look, it's them. Give me back my brother!

Kyle, we're leaving right now. Wait.

Kyle's mom's here to ruin Christmas. Shut up, fat boy!

Let me give you some topical cream. Damn it, don't you see?

Let me go! Seriously. Yeah, let us go.

Let me guess, pinkeye, right? No, doctor. I've seen this before.

Let me see. Okay. Don't scare him.

Let's bring him to school. I want you to meet my brother.

Let's go find him. "He can't think on his own.

Let's go make fun of him. No, this looks really serious.

Let's play at the bus stop. I can't, Mom says...

Let's put the fez hat on him. I wish Daddy were still alive.

Lf we could have dinner tonight. Fine, just let me do my job.

Lf we win, we can buy a new go cart. Here comes Cartman.

Like John Elway important? What?!

Like we're gonna give away money. Look, it's Indian Companion.

Look how rapidly it's dividing. What's it mean?

Look out, Holly Hobbie's pissed off. Hey, look, Kenny's not dead.

Look, the volcano! Quick! Duck and cover!

Look, there's Wendy Testaburger. Where?

Looks like that bomb's still attached. Yay.

Looks like you're about to fart. You're exactly right, Terrance.

Loser gift, loser gift. And here's one from Kenny.

Lunchy munchies? Go away, Pip, nobody likes you!

Make a wish, Grandpa. I wish I were dead.

Make sweet love by the fire. What happened to Ike?

Man, I can't believe he's gone. He was too young to be taken from us.

Marty, you put that on everything. It makes everything taste so English.

Mary, you making gravy in there? I just had a brown baby boy.

Maybe even a state senator! Let's decorate the town square.

Maybe the world. Oh, fudge!

Mayor, Barbra Streisand is... I noticed. Call the National Guard!

Mayor, I might have an idea. What?

Mayor, we've got a big problem. Why, Chef, what a surprise.

Me bad? No, Shelly bad. You good.

Mecha Streisand! Mecha Streisand?

Middle Park? Homecoming?

Miss Ellen, can I talk to you? Can it wait till after class?

Miss Ellen, is this true? No!

Miss Ellen. She's beautiful. Is she Vanessa Williams beautiful...

Mom? Yes, hon?

More tea, Rumper Tumpskin? Yes, please.

Mr. Chef, sir? Yes, Pip, what is it?

Mr. Chef? We still don't have a helmet for you.

Mr. Garrison, can I ask a question? What is it?

Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting. Right, Mr. Hat.

Mr. Garrison? Yes, Kyle.

Mr. Garrison? Mr

My ass! Damn, Cartman!

My ass! Dude, he's farting fire!

My chest hurts. I need my medication. You mean this?

My dad says you aren't real. Not real?

My detergent? That's not...

My God! Mayor, some of the school children...

My son... Yes?

My weenies won't cook. This wood won't burn.

Ned, what'd you have for breakfast? I don't know. I've got some bad gas.

Neither were you, Pip. I tried to tell Damien, but...

Next caller. Jesus?

Nice gun, Mr. Garrison. Thanks.

No way, dude! Hike the ball!

No way, he barely touched him. ...seven, eight, nine, ten.

No, dude! That's good.

No, explain it to us, Chef. That's okay

No, Grandpa. Kill me, goddamn it.

No, he pukes when he's in love. I'll kick your ass!

No, I did, Pip! Oh, dear.

No, I mean kill my grandpa. I don't think that's okay.

No, I said odd. You're that crazy cracker from the hill.

No, I'm new in town. What's a nice, handsome...

No, I'm Raggedy Andy, fat ass. Oh, wow, you look pretty cool.

No, it's not cool! Are you supposed to be Howdy Doody?

No, she wasn't. She was!

No, Terrance, why don't you tell me? Well, it smells like a dirty fart.

No, we're already halfway done. Then all you've got is a stupid pig.

No. I bet you do.

No. Only now in this late hour...

No. Well, it is!

No. Well, something is bothering him.

Nobody hates rainbows. What's there to hate about them?

Not a thingy dingy. I don't give a crap.

Not with Kenny. His family's too poor. Totally.

Not yet. Hey, Jesus, if you win...

Now do you believe us? No.

Now I understand. So now will you kill me, Billy?

Now I'm spending eternity in limbo. Limbo?

Now let's practice our... No! Get away from me.

Now, you go and play in the fun snow. Goddamn it!

Of course. How are things now? Everything's better.

Officer Barbrady? What?

Oh, hello. I'm Trey Parker. I'm Matt Stone.

Oh, my God, she killed Kenny! You bastard!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, they taped killing Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God, they've killed Kenny! You bastards!

Oh, my God! They did it better this morning.

Oh, my God. They killed Kenny! You bastard!

Oh, no, finders keepers! But I'll die.

Oh, no, Mr. Garrison's back. Weak!

Oh, no, she's back! Oh, my God, look!

Oh, no. I'm not sane yet. I brought some friends with me.

Oh. Oh, yeah? Damn!

Okay, only a few more bandages to go. Well?

Okay, you can let me out now. Not just yet.

On with our lesson, right, Mr. Hat? Right, Mr. Garrison.

Or an elephant. How do we know if she's pregnant?

Or could it be Ned? Could be.

Or do I have to steal it? Go ahead, dude.

Or is it Mr. Garrison? No, he's gay.

Or is it Officer Barbrady? Huh? Where?

Or Mr. Broflovski? Dad, how could you?

Orange. Orange who?

Other. Alrighty then.

Our protest isn't working. It'll work. It has to.

Peace, Wendy. Shut up, Cartman!

Phillip, could you pass the beans? Beans?

Phillip, guess what? What?

Phillip, would you like a flower? I sure would.

Phillip, would you like some beans? Yeah, I love beans.

Play ball! You're quarterback, Kyle.

Please, for the love of God! Shut up!

Please. Please, Jesus! Leave me alone.

Probably a gay pig. It's more than you've got!

Probably a stupid dreidel, anyway. What did you say?

Pumpkin pails? Check.

Put it in the skillet... Excuse me.

Ready to go hunting? My Uncle Jimbo says we gotta go early.

Ready to go? Go where?

Ready, Ike? Kick the baby. Don't kick the baby.

Really, you don't think so? No, you're not fat.

Really? Did you get a haircut?

Really? I got an Indiglo Girls CD.

Really? That's right

Really? What I'd like to do...

Really? Yeah, dude.

Really? Yeah. A guy named Jack Laborkian...

Really? You can? Yes, of course.

Reason? I'm a clinically depressed fecalphiliac.

Right. Why don't I have pinkeye then? You do have pinkeye!

Robert Smith of The Cure! Sweet!

Sally Struthers, give me that cake. No, you can't have any.

Sally Struthers? Who the hell are you?

Say "hi" to the South Park fans! Hi.

Say it with me, "Beefcake!" Beefcake.

Say, kids, why the long faces? We're bored.

Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian. Is that Wendy Testaburger?

Shall I open it? Yes, for God's sake, get on with it.

She did it on her own. Why does this happen every month?

She had Sweetie Pops. You owe me a Sweetie Pop, asshole.

She is a traitor. It's a lie!

She liked mine the best. Where's yours, Cartman?

She says we do. Cool.

She wanted the gold. Stan!

She was checking me out. Until you puked on her.

She was looking at me, not you

She wouldn't stop until she won. Stan?

She wouldn't take second. Stan.

She'll make a fool of you again. Stay in that drawer, negative Nancy.

She's fatter than Cartman. Yeah. Hey!

Shoot it, Stan! I got your back, soldier.

Shut up, butt pirate! Ass rammer.

Shut up, you guys. He's dead, Cartman.

Shut up. You can't scare anybody. Oh, yeah?

Sick, she's my sister! Try it. We gotta get Cartman's pig.

Sick! Fluffy!

Sidney! Willie!

Sissy. I'll kick your ass.

Sit down, kid! Yes, ma'am.

Skuzzlebutt saved the day! And my calculations worked.

Smells like you slaughtered a cow. Pay attention!

So how does this thing work? It's based on the cash grab.

So we meet again, Miss Ellen. Just what is going on here?

So you're not my dad? Of course not.

Someone coming. Someone coming. Great.

Sometimes I wonder if I should. Then you should.

Sorry. No, it's okay, Stan.

Sorry. This is Martin... From Aspen Park.

Sparky, get down! What's he doing to my dog?

Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger Shut up, fat ass, I don't like her.

Stan, how about you? I'd love to.

Stan, it's almost Valentine's Day. I know.

Stan, where'd you get that black eye? Nothing, I mean nowhere.

Stan, you look pretty enough to kiss. Yeah, you want to be my girlfriend?

Stan, you wanna know what I think? What?

Stan. Stan, wake up! What, dude?

Stop! That movie was terrible! I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison.

Stupid gay dog. Gay dog.

Super bitch is at it again. Don't call my mom a bitch.

Sure, hon. Sweet.

Sure, hon. You know how Stan has a dad?

Sure, you do. Come on, fart!

Sure. Yeah, we want Cheesy Poofs.

Sure. You want some Cheesy Poofs too? Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs.

Sure. You're the son of God. Are you having doubts?

Sweet. Eric, dear...

Take her away! No, get away from me!

Take that, you stupid dick. What did he say?

Talk about a bitch, I haven't seen... Enough!

Taser. What's that?

Ten thousand dollars? Holy smokes! I wish we had a stupidest home video.

Thank you, Skuzzlebutt. Friend.

Thanks a lot! Oh, boy, you are gonna get it now.

Thanks for coming. That's okay

Thanks for helping. Whatever.

Thanks to Kyle's mom. Shut up!

Thanks, you guys. Yeah.

That fat bitch won't let us. What did you say?!

That kicks ass. Check this one out.

That kid has real emotional problems. He does this all the time.

That kid is me! Whatever.

That means... Lf everyone's zombies...

That must make you mad. Sure.

That was awesome. Would you boys like Cheesy Poofs?

That was cool! Give it back!

That was cool! I'll go after Streisand.

That was cool. How'd he make those clicking sounds?

That whole experience sucked. Yeah, I'm glad it's over.

That would be good, right? I'm pretty sure.

That's a little joke. Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.

That's from two days ago! What about that?

That's gotta hurt, Frank! Oucheroo!

That's impossible. And she has horrible gas too.

That's it, that's the nose I want! Alrighty then

That's not a digital sports watch. It looks like an Etheropian.

That's not bad. We could narrow the bridge...

That's not dolphins. That's Eskimos! Who cares?

That's not fair! Life isn't fair. Get used to it.

That's offensive to non Christians. Oh, come on.

That's okay, Wendy. No, it's not.

That's right, I'm Sidney Poitier. Damn, it's nice to meet you.

That's right. Lf my mom could cook like her...

That's silly. I'm not being silly, kill me.

That's the spirit, tubby. Come on.

That's what you're supposed to get me. Dude!

That's why we're kicking her. Shut up, Barbra.

The Dark Prince? Yeah.

The father is... Who is Eric Cartman's father?

The geologist is here to see you. My geologist? Now?

The **** didn't want it Christian. We didn't take out Santa.

The operation is over, Mr. Garrison. I feel weak. How do I look?

The person with the highest score is... Hello there, children.

The Prince of Darkness. We have royalty in our class.

The Prince of Darkness. We have royalty in our class.

The record store guy said to get it. I got these killer Birkenstocks.

The reign of my father. Your father?

The Ultra Vibe Pleasure 2000. What's that?

Then I'll call you Pip. Right o.

Then I'm not too late. Too late for what?

Then sit down! But l...

Then what's Halloween about? Costumes and candy.

Then you take care of him. I can't. I'm very busy.

There he goes again. Get down, Sparky!

There he goes. Attaboy, get her!

There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey. Again.

There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey. It's for your own good.

There you are. How's it going? I'm super, thanks for asking.

There's a news flash. We saw him having a tea party...

There's nothing between me and Stan. That's not what we just heard.

There's nothing to do. Maybe this will help

There's too many of them. Come on.

There's zombies here. Please hold.

They gave you an anal probe, Cartman? No! I mean, why would they do that?

They took him on their ship. Did they give you an anal probe?

They're are real. They abduct people and mutilate cows.

They're in trouble! Oh, fudge!

Think we'll get in trouble? Don't be a butthole.

This gas is hurting my anus. That's pretty fresh.

This guy sucks. He's almost as bad...

This is Scratch. Say hi, old fella. Hi, Scratch!

This is Scratch. Say hi, old fella. We do a show called South Park.

This is sweet without parents around. I hope they protest TV shows forever.

This is the worst Christmas ever. Yeah.

This sucks, he's our friend. Back to the poor country with you.

This sucks! How come they aren't coming?

This way we'll win the contest. I'll win with this Chewbacca costume.

This whole outcome is pretty strange. Excuse me.

This will be the funniest tape ever. How much do we need?

Those beans might make me fart. Well, don't fart on me.

Those were visitors. It was just a dream. My mom said so.

Totally, dude. Good point.

Trick or treat with yourself. But, Stan...

Two minutes to air, Jesus. Thanks, Roland. Blessed art thou.

Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer. What?!

Understand? She's a lesbian. A what bian?

Up yours, butt munch. What?!

Very interesting. What is it, doc?

Visitors took Kyle's baby brother. What?!

Visitors! Oh, no!

Wait till your father hears about this. Wait, Stan, there he goes.

Wait till your father hears about this. Wait, Stan, there he goes.

Wait to die of natural causes. But I've been waiting for 25 years!

Wait, I know a way to find out. How?

Wait, wait. Ladies and gentlemen...

Wanna come over? We've got work to do.

Want to make a dollar, Billy? My name's not Billy, it's Stan.

Was that in the Bible? I saw it on Star Trek.

Watch out, genetic engineers are crazy! Come on, Fluffy!

Watch the video, Eric. Adolf Hitler was a very naughty man.

We can too. It's against the law.

We can use Cartman's pig. Leave Fluffy out of this!

We committed him. What? Why?

We could start breathing gas fumes. My uncle says smoking crack is cool.

We did it! My God, what have we done?

We got to call that hotline. Hey, there's a pay phone.

We have to do something. We can't.

We know how you can get $3,000. You do?

We should buy Miss Ellen presents. We'll go to the mall tonight.

We should go on a cruise. I can't afford a cruise.

We sure it's Skuzzlebutt? Is there a Patrick Duffy leg?

We wanna adopt a starving Ethernopian. When do we get the watch?

We wanna watch Terrance and Phillip. No, Billy...

We won a battle for your well being. What?

We'll have to go to plan B. There's a plan B?

We'll roshambo for it. No, it's mine.

We'll roshambo for it. What do you mean?

We're gonna call you "Fartboy" now. Bye bye, Fartboy.

We're gonna win $ 1 0,000. Cartman will be famous.

We're like sisters. Die!

We're not married yet. We can't even get dates.

We're still valentines, right? Sure, whatever.

Welcome to the South Park... Wait. There's a star above the stage.

Welcome, Chef. Yup. Here's your present.

Well, I am, a little. We're all a little gay.

Well, I would love that, Wendy. And I want to apologize to everybody.

Well, let's get back to it. Right

Well, let's see. Come on in. Do you have lots of gay dogs here?

Well, let's see. Come on in. Do you have lots of gay dogs here?

Well, sure. No! No!

Well, what? I'm not telling you.

Well, what's your question, hon? Goddamn it, do I have a dad?

Well, you sure do act like it. I do that to get chicks, dumb ass.

Well? Well, what?

What about our potbellied elephant? Well, I'm sorry, children.

What are they doing? I don't know.

What are we doing here, Chef? Just look for anything suspicious.

What are you doing here? You weren't invited, new kid.

What are you doing, Grandpa? I'm going to Africa.

What are you doing? I'm trying...

What are you doing? Nothing.

What are you doing? You can't sit with us, weirdo.

What are you supposed to be? Raggedy Andy.

What are you talking about, Eric? It was you.

What are you talking about? Zombies.

What did you say? I can't wait to own a fishing tank.

What did you say? Okay, Chewbaccas take your seats.

What do you mean? Has anything troubled him recently?

What do you mean? See..

What do you mean? That dog is a gay homosexual.

What do you think, Stan? This kicks ass.

What has he done? Turn off the cameras!

What have I done? Anybody get the number of that truck?

What high F? You know.

What is it? I don't know.

What is it? Skuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn't lying.

What is it? Another prostate tumor? My brother's been abducted by aliens.

What is that thing? That's Skuzzlebutt!

What is that? I'm the solar system.

What is that? Maybe it's Skuzzlebutt coming for us.

What is this? Invitations to my birthday party.

What is this? It's horrible. It's Terrance and Phillip.

What kid? He says he's your kid.

What kind of sick weirdo are you? Sorry.

What kind of video did you make? You'll see

What seems to be the problemo here? There's no problemo, officer.

What should we do with the triangles? Get rid of them.

What the hell are you doing? My mom said lesbians lick carpet.

What the hell are you supposed to be? That's not important right now.

What the hell are you talking about? I'm saying you're a little wuss.

What the hell are you talking about? Rainbows. I hate those things.

What the hell is that thing? A UFO.

What the hell is this? I don't know, mayor.

What the...? Dude, the mutant turkeys are back.

What the...? Gross, Kyle!

What was that? He is under alien control.

What was that? That was a pigeon.

What was your name? Chef's moving in on Miss Ellen.

What were we talking about? The new kid.

What were you talking about? Nothing, forget it.

What will you do with it? Hide it from Cartman.

What would we use a marble sack for? Be careful where you put that carrot, Kyle might steal it.

What would we use a marble sack for? Be careful where you put that carrot, Kyle might steal it.

What? My grandpa is asking me to kill him.

What? Not watch Terrance and Phillip?

What? See, your mom is on the cover.

What? Suddenly I feel really confident.

What? That was cool!

What? Wait, there's more.

What? You're gay, aren't you?

What? Excuse me. Why are you taking Stan's blood?

What? Skuzzlebutt's real? Oh, my God, look at his leg!

What? You've got to weigh 90 pounds! I'm up to 94, thank you very much.

What?! I think your dog is gay.

What?! She got silver, dude.

What?! What?!

What're you doing dressed like that? Eating Kenny's pudding.

What's a dildo? I don't know.

What's a homosexual? Oh, well, Stanley...

What's for lunch today? Salisbury steak with buttered noodles.

What's going on here? Sidney Poitier?

What's going on? The whole town's pissed off.

What's gotten into you? You're my dad, Chef.

What's happening, Indian Companion? Something coming. Grizzly bear.

What's happening? Come over here if you're scared.

What's in the box? A surprise.

What's it look like? Does it look like pig or elephant?

What's that stuff? Weight Gain 4000. It's bulking me up.

What's that? It's part of a Cheesy Poof.

What's the matter? I wanna know who my dad is...

What's this about Christmas poo? Mr. Hankey.

What's this about Christmas poo? Mr. Hankey.

What's wrong with everybody? Hey, Terrance and Phillip is on.

What's wrong with you? I don't wanna shoot it.

What's wrong? I can't find Sparky.

What's your name again? Damien.

Whatever, you fat bitch. What did you say?!

When is Satan gonna show up? Did he show up yet?

Where are we going? The first people treated...

Where are you from? The Seventh Layer of Hell.

Where did you get that costume? My mom made it. Sieg Heil. Sieg Heil.

Where is that Thanksgiving spirit? We can't stop them.

Where is the Triangle of Zinthar now? Triangle of Zinthar?

Where is the Triangle of Zinthar? I don't remember.

Where? I don't know, it was a rumor.

Where? She has the boys.

Where'd you get it? My mom. It's cool.

Where'd you get that? Mail order from Africa.

Where's Cartman? I don't know.

Where's my uncle and Ned? Fishing with Kenny.

Who cares? Kathie Lee Gifford's gone.

Who? Dude, I thought she was dead.

Who? The fat kid? Yeah.

Who's my buddy? You're making me sick, dude!

Who's our little prizewinner again? Me, Eric Cartman!

Who's that fat chick? Sally Struthers.

Whoa, dude! Where is the triangle, damn it?

Whoa, dude. I always wondered if that would work.

Whoa, look at that. Now do you believe us?

Whoa, maybe you can kiss her. Or slip her the tongue.

Whoa! Damn, what a freak!

Whoa! That is one fudged up little cracker.

Why are you so cool? I don't know, Clyde Frog. I just am.

Why bad? Is it okay to kill your grandpa?

Why bad? The new kid's a total weirdo freak.

Why can't he live here now? Because he can't.

Why did you dress like Raggedy Andy? Wendy's Raggedy Ann.

Why do you wanna know? I'm not talking to you!

Why don't we go get it? A cop showed up.

Why don't we shoot him? It has to look natural...

Why don't you get the fat kid? Why?

Why is your family so poor? Kenny's family is so poor...

Why not? I'll get in trouble.

Why you walking so funny? Shut up!

Why? Because it loves the taste of blood...

Why? Make up your mind, dude.

Would you like some tea, Clyde Frog? Yes, please.

Wow, cool! Good boy. Who's my best buddy?

Wow, cool! Why the hell does he get an A minus?

Wow, I feel kind of bad for that kid. Just when he fit in he has to leave.

Wow, that's cool! It's not!

Wow! What did you write about? You know, this and that.

Wow. Whoa, that was cool!

Wow. Hi, Wendy. Hi, Stan.

Yeah, cool. Sweet.

Yeah, go away, Pip. Right.

Yeah, how did you know? Okay, now this is very important.

Yeah, right. As if we'd do that

Yeah, she's just a girl. Lf a girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be:

Yeah, she's just a girl. Lf a girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be:

Yeah, that one. I gotta meet this woman.

Yeah, you just never know. I guess I'm sorry I was ignoring you

Yeah, you're acting like a freak. No, I'm not acting like a freak!

Yeah. And I've learned something too:

Yeah. Hey, maybe we should go check on him.

Yeah. No, I found it! He stole it!

Yeah. We were gonna enter the contest.

Yeah. Yeah, we did.

Yes, Eric? How about we sing:

Yes, I have to go now. Really, Kyle?

Yes, I'll pay $50 for one. I want one!

Yes, it is. Leonard Maltin asked me to call you.

Yes, little boy? We don't respect Mr. Garrison.

Yes, Mr. Garrison? Could we get rid of all the Mexicans?

Yes, my son. Is it okay to kill somebody...

Yes, of course. Do the dog dance.

Yes, she stole my triangle! Get us down.

Yes, Wendy? When someone gets as old as you...

Yes. Damn it!

Yes. Oh, dear.

Yes. Then you're an Indian.

You are Eric Cartman? Yes, ma'am!

You are fired, buddy! It's been great working for you.

You are smart and cool. Yes, you are strong, smart and cool.

You bet, you poor dears. Now the moment you've waited for...

You bet! That was a good episode.

You better be right about this, Jimbo. Don't worry yourself.

You better go home and get some sleep. Dance!

You bit my arm! Kenny's back to normal.

You boys wanna tie one on? No, that stuff tastes like pee.

You can say that again, Mr. Garrison. Just a few hundred more shots.

You can't care for him. I thought we were supposed to.

You can't know. You should've won that talent show.

You can't leave me here alone! Watch me.

You did it, children. Okay, let's go trick or treat now.

You did throw it away. I was setting it aside.

You don't have any legs. Oh, yeah.

You don't have any legs. Oh, yeah.

You don't tell people what to get you. That's weak.

You forgot to wear a costume. Couldn't your family afford one?

You go to hell and you die! Is it Jimbo?

You got the cow all tied up? All done.

You guys, I can do it. Do what?

You guys, my ass, seriously! Okay, you can stop farting fire now.

You just got here, Chef. But the fight is starting.

You just have to do one thing for me. I'm not gonna kill you.

You kill me. I would never kill somebody...

You know John Elway? No!

You know who I am, don't you? Well, you ain't Fiona Apple.

You little liar! I think it looks terrific! It matches...

You live on the east side. I thought you were Native American.

You look great. I feel kind of nauseous.

You look like a pansy. Shut up, Kyle.

You looking at my headgear? I didn't really notice.

You mean like Kenny? Exactly.

You must remove that costume. I can't. I have to win the candy.

You need to mellow out. Take your game with you!

You piece of crap, I'll kill you! That's the spirit!

You piece of crap! They were all out!

You son of a bitch, your mom sucks! But look what they put on.

You stained my hat! Did you see that? That was sweet.

You stink! You still didn't get a costume, Kenny?

You suck at telling scary stories! Give me that flashlight.

You sure Barbra's condo is here? It was a rumor.

You threw it away, fatso! Let me see.

You threw it away! He's a dirty thief.

You understand? I don't understand hunting.

You want more Cheesy Poofs? Yeah, I want the Cheesy Poofs.

You were behind all the shenanigans. You're the stupid ho who started it.

You were saying? They act normal, but they're evil.

You were scared. You almost peed. Shut up! I didn't pee!

You weren't in Vietnam! Were you stationed in Da Nang?

You what? I thought you'd agree...

You what? Are you insane? Let's go trick or treat.

You're all I have left. Sorry, I gotta meet Wendy.

You're an asshole, Phillip. What?!

You're gonna fight Satan? It has been ordained from the start.

You're his sparring partner. You have to.

You're hysterical! I just don't wanna shoot it.

You're leaving? I have to.

You're looking great. I'm a lady killer, Mr. Hat.

You're not a lesbian. I am too!

You're not fat, you're big boned. That's what I said.

You're not such a bad guy, Damien. Come on in and join the party.

You're not taking me seriously. Why would you say that?

You're such an asshole, Terrance. I sure am.

You're that movie critic guy on TV. Leonard Maltin, yes.

You're toast. We're gonna pound your heads in.

You've gotta help us. I'm working on it.

Your father's right, Kyle. Let me handle this.

Your mom's a slut. Hey!

Your mother? Liane Cartman.

Your sister beat you up again? No!

..

..."bear with wide canyon." What do you mean?

...a few quickie alterations. And there you go, young man.

...a substitute teacher comes to South Park...

...about the homecoming game against Middle Park.

...and all the parents are protesting a TV show.

...and become the most threatening thing ever known:

...and Cartman has strange things implanted in his ass.

...and change my bet right now. Yeah, me too.

...and Chef thinks he's evil. Look what he did to Kenny.

...and crawl up your leg and bite the inside of your ass.

...and end their miserable lives with excruciatingly painful, burning agony.

...and Eric Cartman beefs himself up for the big day.

...and expect them to do the mattress mambo.

...and for just one day say, "The heck with it."

...and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France.

...and gets to have dinner on me is Stan.

...and gives gifts to everybody who eats fiber.

...and has already lost 20% of their sponsors.

...and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed."

...and he cried like Nancy Kerrigan. Liar!

...and I always get screwed by it. Children...

...and if you have to poo poo, don't wipe with poison ivy.

...and kills anybody who climbs to the top.

...and letting their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstasy.

...and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.

...and make sweet love to it all night long.

...and Miss Ellen can stay on as your permanent teacher.

...and negotiated for their fertile lands.

...and our boys learn how to lick carpet

...and play with ourselves. We'd play "I'm Natasha Henstridge."

...and replacing it with She's the Sheriff, starring Suzanne Somers.

...and select your best Mr. Hankey. That one.

...and she only likes other lesbians.

...and start decapitating zombies left and right. Do you understand?

...and still undisputed ruler of your spiritual kingdom...

...and that's animal homosexuality.

...and then there were cows and aliens.

...and though you find pleasure in watching us suffer...

...and Tina Yothers in town..

...and we are fed up.

...and we'll dig for our very own Indian arrowheads.

...and worried more about their kids' lives, things would be better.

...are camping on that mountain and... I'm sorry, can I start over?

...are still killing themselves in front of the Toon Central building.

...are up camping on that mountain now!

...as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird...

...as that guy on Full House.

...at the 1 2th Annual Drunken Barn Dance.

...because it's the best holiday.

...because that's the only way you ever really lose.

...Beelzebub!

...Bill Fossey and I spawned a creature genetically superior to man.

...black man like yourself doing in a pit like South Park?

...but a vomitous oil that oozes through their veins...

...but he acts like he does to get some action.

...but I don't think you understand.

...but I'm ******* and proud.

...but it looks like turkey DNA. Precisely.

...but just remember, Mommy's not far away.

...but the next morning, I was pregnant with you, my little blueberry muffin.

...but they can never take our freedom!

...but to find out, they have to do DNA tests and they cost $3,000.

...but we're wholesome Middle American guys.

...but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head.

...can get a look at your stupid costumes.

...can you turn Kenny back to normal?

...clots in their brains, which causes their Nazi esque violent behavior.

...creamed corn and creamed corn?

...do a play about the history of South Park.

...do I see the folly of guns. I'll never use a gun again.

...do they have to wear Depend undergarments?

...don't f* * * with Wendy Testaburger!

...don't tell me The Cure is involved too.

...either going in or coming out of my ass?

...entertaining senior citizens. Say "hi" to the South Park fans.

...for his work with the Rough Riders.

...for long periods of time.

...for the environmental essay to our own Eric Kaufman...

...for this incredible bounty of green beans you have bestowed upon us.

...for use in the holiday season. Ready?

...found something during a field trip today.

...Gerald Broflovski, myself, my friend Kevin...

...goes around and murders people that ask him to.

...has worked.

...have been infected with the virus.

...how offended you are. We can find out which words are least offensive...

...I guess you came to the right person. Sit down.

...I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother.

...I just want you to know that you're my sister and I love you.

...I lived alone in the woods on the shore of..."

...I want to help you confront your problem, m'kay?

...I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, okay?

...I was being dragged through a hallway.

...I'd be a big fat ass too. That's ri... Hey!

...I'll take you to my condo and kill you...

...I'm gonna take whoever gets the highest score to dinner.

...I'm not touching that with a 60 foot pole.

...I'm putting you on a heavy regimen of Prozac.

...if they ask you to, like assisted suicide. Is that okay?

...in the woman's cha cha.

...is because it's the only episode we animated all by ourselves.

...is because you don't understand how I feel.

...is load her into a rocket and have her shot into the sun.

...is some of our children are camping on that mountain.

...is the savior, Jesus Christ. Glory to God and good will towards men."

...is your favorite celebrity and mine...

...it has nothing to do with the Japanese mafia.

...it makes all the trying worthwhile.

...it would make my life brighter again.

...it wouldn't be making love, it would be fucking it.

...Jane learned in school what to do when a volcano erupts.

...just because they're different. Let me sing you a little song.

...Kathie Lee Epstein.

...Kathie Lee Gifford!

...Kathie Lee Gifford?

...Kenny for his Edward James Olmos costume.

...kill Kathie Lee Gifford.

...let's get ready to rumble!

...let's have a rootin' tootin' grandma humping time...

...lung activity and, of course, sticky, puffy eyes.

...maybe he's a part of the visitors' plan.

...more mysterious crop circle patterns are appearing in fields.

...Mr. Garrison, Ned, Chief Running Water...

...Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford to South Park!

...my first thought was, "I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston."

...my parents will disown me.

...non denominational song by the school chef.

...Not Without My Anus. Based on a true story.

...of troubling and undesirable stress. A volcano is no exception.

...of Vanessa Redgrave's private parts.

...only emerging at night to hunt for scraps of food.

...or else Kenny's family will have a pretty corny Thanksgiving.

...or else we'll get busted. Yeah, stupid.

...or I'll whup your sorry ass back to last year!

...or Kenny's dad would be a millionaire.

...or special in an extra value meal at Happy Burger way.

...or the 1 989 Denver Broncos.

...or Toni Braxton beautiful? Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?

...play it safe.

...put it in an envelope and shoved it right up my ass...

...right after this.

...right here in South Park!

...ruining any chance you had of coming to my party. Sorry, old chap.

...sawed through some bone, snapped some cartilage.

...saying stuff about his "Dark Prince father."

...says "Green Mega Man"? Mine says "Red Mega Man."

...she's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion.

...since Kenny was turned into a duck billed platypus.

...since they offend people with epilepsy.

...since you don't get Christmas gifts. I get Channukah gifts for eight days.

...slingshot their bodies into the side of the Toon Central building.

...so I came as Chewbacca.

...so mine eyes can confirm the wretched truth.

...so this will be a non offensive Christmas..

...so we had to do the whole thing ourselves.

...sometimes when a man and a woman are attracted to each other...

...Stan, for his stupid little clown thing costume.

...still, we give thanks. Amen.

...that guy who used to be on 2 1 Jump Street.

...that makes it go off at a specific moment.

...that the play can't include any Christmas lights...

...that we demand better television for our children.

...that you have an acute case of fecalphilia.

...that you worked so hard on last month?

...that you've forgotten what's right about it.

...the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great.

...the Democrats have passed laws trying to stop hunting.

...the king of all that is evil...

...the little boy replied simply, "Me Stan..."

...the non offensive, non denominational Christmas play...

...the rays burn my eyes

...the score is Middle Park Cowboys, 52. South Park Cows, 0

...the town of South Park has managed to rebuild itself once again...

...then Matt would pretend I was Natasha.

...there's nothing but Patrick Duffy

...they had to put their cardboard box up for mortgage.

...they want to be close to each other.

...things get too boring and painful.

...to any religious or minority group. Any other suggestions?

...to any specific group.

...to be the voice of the substitute teacher. She was in the movie Species.

...to go to the stomach, where it is distributed to the blood!

...to hunger, disease, pollution, even war.

...to make Ultra Mega Mega Man.

...to provide food for the needy.

...to show we're not some pissant mountain town.

...to the people in this room: Officer Barbrady, Chef, Jimbo...

...to treat everyone equally, regardless of skin color.

...tried to viciously murder an innocent grandfather.

...unless they pissed me off. Is that a fact?

...until they have taken everything from us.

...wants to sing a song about this struggle of humanity.

...was killed by a train. Huh? Oh, yeah.

...we got a lot of complaints from religious groups.

...we should learn about the horror writer Jackie Collins.

...we should learn about the horror writer Jackie Collins.

...we'll need some clever way to distribute them to the poor

...we're gonna watch the Bob Saget show.

...we're supposed to forget the bad stuff.

...wearing very, very black trunks...

...weighing in at a mere 1 40 pounds...

...were the mortician and his assistant.

...when all of a sudden, this bright blue light filled the room.

...when he came across an ancient object.

...when one of our lucky videos qualifies for the $ 1 0,000 grand prize.

...when the noble and hearty Ute Indians lived on the land.

...where could I have put Pip's invitation? Let's see...

...where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety.

...which would make you look more like this:

...who is now so obese, he can't even get out of his house.

...who was accidentally delivered instead of a Teiko sports watch.

...who was accidentally sent here instead of a Teiko sports watch.

...will be given by two people...

...will be here to present the award to some kid for an essay.

...will sing a special song in honor of Mrs. Lee Gifford!

...with "Mecha Streisand"!

...with "Starvin' Marvin." Yee haw!

...with "Tom's Rhinoplasty." Yee haw!

...with all these stupid, hick, redneck, jobless, truck driving idiots!

...with his stuffed animals. He was doing their voices.

...with Mr. Hankey, the Christmas chocolate bar

...with music and lyrics by New York minimalist composer, Philip Glass.

...with Thoreau's name crossed out and Cartman's name written in its place.

...you immediately kill him and burn his body.

...you may direct them to that brick wall over there.

...you must remove Santa, Frosty and all that garbage too.

...your mom was over here earlier, and I humped her like a bitch.

...your Nazi ass tactics of trying to stink us out with your rancid feces...

"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride."

"Dear Trey and Matt, I like your show."

"Do you hate the celebrities you make fun of in South Park?"

"Fear not. I bring tidings of joy. For born today in the city of David...

"Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"

"Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie."

"Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!"

"He's a dirty fighter." "He causes all the world's violence and death."

"Hey, missy, why don't you go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!"

"Let's sing and dance and bake cookies."

"My essay, by Eric Cartman.

"Screw the commie bastards, and screw their space station. "

"Trey, get back to your schoolwork, m'kay?"

"Where's your brother? You weren't looking out for him."

"Why don't you stop dressing me like a mailman and making me dance for you...