Peep Show - Season 4 Edit

A bit of tongues, not much.

A champion is someone who gets up even when they can't. OK?

A fuck monkey? He said that?

A fucking safari park?!

A hangover of that kind.

A jilt is at the altar, I'm not jilting.

A mighty fine piece of ass.

A nightclub?

A pathetic, flabby worm.

A pretty amazing unofficial stag night, yeah?

A reminder of what can happen, if you're not careful.

A slight but very definite chance, that I could be off to India.

A text?

ABC, Always Be Cost cutting.

About the sexual problems in your relationship.

About us.

About what? The time you screwed the next door neighbour?

About your knob?

According to Johnson. He's got a window.

Actually it's our dad's.

Actually Russell had to go off to Norway this morning, so I'm just here. Is that all right, Dad?

Actually, I did want to tell someone. It was so cool.

Actually, this is almost top speed.

After 30 years, well...

Ah ha!

Ah, ah, my brain! My poor diseased brain!

Ah, heads again. Shit!

Ah, it's marry. I'm gonna marry. Shit.

Ah, it's terrible, it's horrible.

Ah, nice. Thanks, man.

Ah, now listen, before I forget,

Ah, this is a new one water stalking.

Ahead of the big presentation tomorrow.

Ahoy there, shipmates!

Ahoy there!

ALARM

All right, all right, all right. Here he comes... Whey!

All right, Corrigan.

All right, keep your wig on.

All right, look I've been invited

All right, mate. So, you're mates with Wankerthon?

All right, whatever.

All right. Fine, bloody hell.

All that crank totally fucked with my mind.

All that reports up bums stuff, that's the bullshit.

All things considered my career prospects, your sexual desperation

Also I will veto any jokes about mucus, vomit or excrement.

Although if it was, Mao would probably win.

Although there are actually a few pesky I's to dot

Although, I suppose, I mean...

An early wedding present.

An evil Alain de Botton?

An indecent proposal?

And a few T's for me and Gerrard to...

And a pirated DVD of Anchorman is not important stuff.

And am very much looking forward to marrying her.

And as... as you can see I've been in the top ten percentile

And ended up giving me a piece of her ass.

And even if it is broke, just ignore it and maybe it'll be sort of OK,

And from my job as an executive I had plenty of cash leftover to buy a hoover.

And from my job as an executive I had plenty of cash leftover to buy a hoover.

And gave his wife that aggressive yeast infection?

And get fucked by the biggest swinging dicks

And have a bit of a go on the washing up before you got home.

And he said he was from security, but I don't think he really was.

And he said it was a friendly crowd and come down. So, I thought, yeah.

And he started the Sundance Film Festival.

And he was going up my legs and my thighs

And he'd say, "No." And then they'd just start fucking.

And he's gonna wanna talk about button holes

And he's paying me 500 quid a week in advance, in cash.

And how do you think we should be?

And how I probably don't properly love her.

And I can then wipe my fucking arse on it.

And I don't think I wanna pay for it with you.

And I have to carry you around on my back for 30 years?

And I know who the culprit is, Jeremy.

And I said stop, but he wouldn't stop.

And I said, "Benny, it's time to shit or get off the pot."

And I think maybe worrying about your speech is the reason why.

And I tried evening it out, but it just got smaller

And I wouldn't trade a moment of that friendship for a lifetime of

And I... And I touched him?

And I'll be back soon and everything's fine.

And I'll put in a good word for you with Eva.

And I'm not in fact a gender bender, a mentaloid or a public leaning post, after all.

And I'm not really sure I want to... I don't think I want to.

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm so hot

And I'm wearing an overcoat and no one should approach me

And I've been hiding my true feelings, even from myself,

And I've had to do loads of spreadsheets.

And if you keep doing it, she'll call the police.

And if you look at the bottom,

And in the last quarter at JLB,

And in your own dried up, desiccated, weird

And ironic veneration of tyrants.

And Jeremy? Is he like your butler?

And leave me to pick up the pieces as usual.

And loads of shirts that aren't worn out.

And maybe we can get one small servant.

And not in a good way.

And now I don't know what to do, cos on the one hand...

And now Matt's going to spill the beans to Sophie or to Nancy

And one of the concepts I came up with

And put bacon on my shoulders.

And she said, "Mark, let's do it," what would you say?

And she'd say, "I thought you had Aids."

And smaller until I looked like an evil overlord, so I just lost it.

And Soph, and everything.

And the Africans, having a better time than you can imagine.

And the instructor here, Matt, is a hundred degree hottie.

And the instructor here, Matt, is a hundred degree hottie.

And the parking situation, which to be fair, is a bit of a nightmare.

And then he rubbed my penis quite a bit.

And then he... touched my penis,

And then I sobered up, and had second thoughts.

And then she'll tell Sophie. What am I going to do, Jez?

And to say how lovely it is to have you both here.

And tried to get myself run over.

And unfriendly way, you love me too.

And very long hours.

And we could pretend you were chasing me!

And we think we'd like to step down from the workgroup.

And what if I don't? Are you going to shoot me?

And what's gonna happen to me? I mean, Nancy's going back to America.

And what's it like when you're down that low?

And what's it like when you're in the middle?

And what's it like when you're up that high?

And you are?

And you don't have to be a smackhead to wank off old geezers,

And you know what that means won't be able to get married.

And you love her?

And you'd be the first to admit you're a bottom feeder.

And you're a man.

And you're a very attractive woman, but I have a helluva lot on, so...

And you're at the house banging the mum!

And you're sure you're poking the right man in the eye?

And you've been as low as it's possible to get.

And your hat and shoes smell of puke.

Another thing?

Any more knots in these calves and I'll put you forward for a scout badge.

Anyone for a game of Risk?

Anything tying you down?

Anyway, then Dad came and picked me up.

Are not just marrying each other, but marrying all of us today.

Are you all right, Super Hans?

Are you all right?

Are you all right?

Are you doing my speech from the internet?

Are you feeling any more positive about the marriage?

Are you having a mental breakdown?

Are you not taking a shower?

Are you OK, man?

Are you OK?

Are you seeing anyone?

Are you sure it's OK to put in unleaded?

Are you trying to get your end away while Sophie's not here?

Are you wanking over her?

Are you writing a novel or something?

Aren't you meant to be in the big meeting?

Arsehole.

As I said, I think I might not be getting married after all.

As long as you both shall live.

As long as you're there, it's just four people having an apparently nice time

As there'll be a professional there. And none of it's even my fault!

Ask Sadie out for a smoothie.

Assistant managing the IMAX in Bradford.

At an outdated venue.

At school? You got taught the wrong way to rub one out and you tried it for two hours.

Aurora, I'll call you.

BAG FALLS

BANG

Be careful you don't...

Because he's terrible at being black.

Because I'm going out to collect some dog shit

Because I've been given another chance to be your friend.

Because if there's one little crack of doubt,

Because of a silly drunken snog, then go on, do it.

Because she's from the Third World and lived in a hut?

Because she's from the Third World and lived in a hut?

Because that's all I care about.

Because the physical stuff, that goes, inevitably.

Because you're such good friends with Dan, aren't you, Pen?

Before I've had time to feel like I've started to enjoy our sex.

Before we started, there are a few questions...

Besides, she's good for me, Jez,

Best of five?

Best of three?

Big Suze left me, I just wish something would work out for me, you know?

Big Suze was hungry. She's rich.

Bit of a wobble. I just proposed to a woman in a coffee shop

Bit tense, wedding nerves.

Blown to pieces by the size of the IMAX image every day, anyway.

Bollocks. OK, Dad, time to turn on the money hose. Up the reward.

Bollocks. They're hot and they want it. Come on.

Boo hoo, poor old Dan.

Borneo Function.

BOTH SOB

Bottle cap. Another one for the collection.

Brilliant, except of course, I am about to cancel the wedding.

Brilliant, right, hold on, I'll be right there. OK, let's go.

Brilliant! Let's call this mother off, the old dude brothers are back.

Brilliant.

Brilliant. Well done, mate.

But also putting Planning into the mix,

But also, is it really so different

But be a bit quiet, maybe, Matt.

But digging a hole in the wintry earth with my bare hands

But first I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason

But how about a cream cracker and a Ryvita?

But I do feel very strongly that it's not... right.

But I do like some of the things they do, so...

But I don't like playing the game with women, talking to them,

But I don't want to eat into our margin of safety by yakking here.

But I like it! It's like going to a strip joint with the Pope!

But I think I did a pretty decent job

But I thought that might be a joke.

But I told him where to get off.

But I was thinking of waiting for a bit before I brought it up.

But I'm breaking down your wall of silence, lan.

But I'm looking for a kind of, like, handyman.

But I've got loads of really important stuff to do this weekend.

But if I'm not good enough then there's a computer setting.

But if they never catch up with you, what's the hitch?

But if you love each other, then it's massive.

But if you persuade them, we co manage a new super department.

But if you really want to go in there and talk to Sophie about calling it off

But in the end it probably saved more lives than if they hadn't.

But isn't it quite good if she does find out?

But it got me thinking about Sophie, and the wedding,

But it was a bit much. I took four cans with me,

But just tell them this is real life smelling the flowers.

But less of a big deal out here than it is in a major conurbation.

But my boss was actually really cool about it.

But now they're all coming out... What a lot of feelings!

But Penny wanted us out of the house, and what Penny wants, Penny gets.

But really you'll be playing the computer. OK?

But really, it's our fast food culture of instant gratification

But she says if she sees you doing it again, she knows some bad dudes and they'II...

But that implies he could have jilted her somewhere else.

But that probably helps too.

But then go sane again and check and recheck,

But then I got waylaid and ended up on crystal meth

But then it'll all spill out and Sophie won't be able to shout at me

But they all hated you at Polefield.

But they're all totally normal.

But this means nothing to me without you.

But this will be 300 odd employees!

But what about your doubts? Your crippling doubts?

But what's Blair going to do?

But won't Marketing kick up a shit storm?

But you have to promise not to be angry with me.

But, as you can see, it's actually quite a massive house.

But, if we're working together, I guess we may as well try and be friends.

But, look big picture so what?

But, y'know, in the moment it really did feel like I needed to eat it.

But... the bin, Jeremy!

But... you can't.

By your job, you mean being a handyman

Bye, love you.

Bye. Let's speak soon.

Can I get a filter coffee to take away?

Can I get a metre of vodka... with an inch of tonic?

Can I get you a drink?

Can I help you?

Can you describe exactly what happened, Mr Corrigan?

Can you get that please, Jeremy?

Can you give me another guest pass?

Can you take some more? Can you? Do you want it?

CAR DOOR SLAMS SHUT

CAR HORN HONKS

Case closed, Columbo.

Cash. Will that do?

Chairman Mao, isn't it?

Champers Spa, can I help?

Champers Spa, can I help?

Charles didn't really love Diana, and they were all right. Sort of.

Cheer up, Mark. Least now you've got a funny story to tell people.

CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS

Clear your tubes, cos you and me are going to chow down

Come back soon.

Come here and meet these great guys.

Come in.

Come off it, Jez. You said he was a moist eyed camera hogger.

Come on, dude, let's take it all the way up.

Come on, Jez, I'm feeling very tense and nervous and unhappy

Come on, let's get moving.

Come on, man!

Come on, Mark, you've got to grasp the nettle, mate.

Come on, Mark. Let's get wankered.

Come on, Mark. The body is the greatest lie detector!

Come on, Mummy. >

Come on, Soph.

Come on, Soph. You want us to enjoy the executive lifestyle together.

Come on, Suze.

Come on, we need to get Super Hans and go.

Come on, we're going.

Come on! He got married, didn't he? Leave him alone.

Congratulations, you've killed a sentient being.

Cool, very cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool. Cool, dude. Sit down.

Cool. So let's roll out somewhere spicy and celebrate.

Cool. So, you and Lucy seem pretty sweet on each other.

Cool. Well, I'll probably head off.

Cor, it's like a sauna in here!

Corrigan. Are you spying on my wife?

Cos I am going to get married.

Cos I can tell you right now I'm not burgling any Democrats.

Cos I'll be the guy pitching this stuff. OK?

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos I'm in hell.

Cos, personally, I have no idea.

Could I start wearing a mitten? Or maybe chuck a flannel over it?

Could you tell her I'm sorry?

Count the kisses, Mark. She's happy and she wants to kiss me, four times.

Couple of bog rolls for a pillow and a wicked big tarpaulin.

Couple of middle of the road inebriation gags, bang... I'm out of there.

Couple of pints, couple of hotties.

Dad comes up with a brainwave and then he hires a load of little people

Dad has gone to his sister's,

Dad!

Dan. Fucking Dan Walker.

Dan. What a filthy...

De Botton wouldn't kill, we're not going to kill him.

Did you actually have to eat it?

Did you do it?

Did you even use tongues?

Did you see Matt Townsend do this?

Did you slink off to bed before we did the melon off?

Did you talk to him?

Digging holes

Digging holes.

Digging holes.

Digging holes.

Digging holes.

Do it, man!

Do something.

Do you know what? I think I might toss a coin.

Do you know, I fancy a nap. A nice relaxing nap.

Do you like jam?

Do you remember on that history field trip,

Do you think I'm some kind of freelance dog murdering Mafia man?

Do you think Pedge fancied that hooker? Of course he didn't!

Do you think we can leave him in that toilet,

Do you think we spend enough time together?

Do you wanna turn this around and I'll see you in a sec?

Do you wanna?

Do you want some company?

Do you want some more? Do you? Do you want it? Do you want it?

Do you want to risk asking him?

Does not indicate a gritty life on the never never.

DOG WHINES

Doing it over the phone, that's despicable.

Don't be a dick! Go and get it.

Don't flaunt your wad, Jeremy, it's not becoming.

Don't go to the pub with Jeremy.

Don't leave it too late.

Don't say that, Sophs.

Don't stamp on it! Jesus. Wring its neck.

Don't you see? None of this works, Mark.

DOOR BUZZER

DOOR OPENS

DOORBELL

DOORBELL

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

Drive on!

Duties? What duties?

Either that or I'm an incredibly hard to detect paedo.

Er, as a matter of fact, I did.

Er, it's Matt, isn't it.

Er, m my address... Hold on, let me just check.

Er, maybe we should just...

Er, no, Jez.

Er, no, mate, no, no.

Er, no.

Er, Sally, look, I'm really not sure I...

Er, yeah, yeah. I think so.

Er, yeah.

Er, yes, as I was saying, I... I love cinema, especially the films of

Er...

Even if you did threaten to break my fingers.

Even when you gave me shit about the earnings projections.

Every window is also a door

Everybody behind me, keep your guns low.

Everybody isn't just wanting it the whole time.

Everybody's coming to get me

Everybody's coming to get me

Everybody's coming to get me

Everyone needs to be kind to me. Text that.

Everyone was so surprised, especially you. Brilliant.

Everyone's getting ready for a wedding.

Everyone's wondering why you climbed in through the window.

Exactly!

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly. D'oh! That's how love works, Mark.

Exactly. I nick your milk, you burn my barn.

Exactly. No more pizza. What are you doing tonight?

Exactly. Stick it on the bill.

Excuse me, Eva. We're out of juice.

Expressing a good deal of happiness.

Faint heart never won fair maid.

Fighting prejudice and negative stereotypes wherever you find them!

Fine, no, I agree, it's great.

Fine. I guess it's just Gerrard and me from here on in. Right, Gerrard?

Fine. If you're taking this down to the wire, fine.

Fine. Jesus!

First melon to fall off loses.

First up, remember, this is a brainstorm.

For a laugh!

For a laugh! It's the stag!

For a man called The Orgazoid.

For a man with a brain tumour the size of a pineapple

For God's sake, Jeremy, that's the post you set fire to.

For God's sake, lan.

For God's sake! If we're gonna talk,

For the record, Nancy's not bullshit. She does love me.

For what I'm almost certainly not going to try to do, OK?

For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

For when people are in touch about doing baseball caps with my initials on.

Forget about Sophie, all right?

Forget it, Jez. Hold it in.

Four? Oh, yeah.

Foz!

Foz? What are you doing here?

From here right the way down to here.

From hiring a solicitor or leasing a villa in Spain?

Fuck monkey jungle action.

Fuck myself? Eat myself? You're such a...

Fuck off, Jeremy!

Fuck off. You've made it too hard. I can hardly fucking pedal.

Fuck Super Hans, he'll be fine. Let's leave him.

Fuck that, I love you and I want to have sex with you.

Fuck! Aah!

Fucking hell!

Fucking hell! What's going on?

Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it!

Get some exercise and some time, not away from Sophie, just without her.

Get yourself a nice tank of petrol.

Give him a... hand.

Give it back!

Go on. Before we get your booty locked up by Captain Corrigan.

God, I am dying for a piss.

God, I'd really love to bone him

God, no, no, it's not a jilting. I'm gonna tell her right away.

God, no. Not because of Nana's cottage.

God, that's a really tough decision.

God, you look great!

God, you've got fingers in so many pies. How d'you keep track?

God!

God!

Going out?!

Going to the pub with Jeremy.

Good, that sounds nice.

Good, though, isn't it the gym? Kind of like being the member of a club.

Good.

Good. You know, I actually find it quite comforting

Got any contacts? Anyone who could handle a management role?

Got most of it in a shoe.

Great, and what shall I do after I've pissed myself?

Great! OK, We'll set it up for the staff party on Thursday.

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great. Let's get out of here. I am busting.

Great. Well, I'll make a note of that.

Ha, it's incredible!

Ha! You're on! Warp factor three, please, Scotty.

Half my brain's been eaten away already... probably.

Hans, this is... this... It's not just a man, this is The Orgazoid!

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Happy birthday. I hope it'll be a memorable day.

Has something on that piece of paper made you sad?

Have a proper taste.

Have I lived enough. I've only slept with four men. Is that enough?

Have they stopped history books?

Have you ever been to the Big Chill?

Have you got any spare carrier bags,

Have you still got the printout of the idea, the three department merger?

Haven't you got work in the morning?

Having a nice little kneel.

He bought you a jumper?! What else has he bought you?

He can't hear. Can you,

He did it. He made me and Jeremy watch,

He did?

He didn't let that stop him. He did the right thing.

He doesn't have anyone to play with, and two people can't share one bloody racket.

He doesn't know us at all, does he?

He is going to hurt me.

He poos... in the pool.

He sent me a greetings card with a pre printed message

He thinks maybe they'll let him play at the end. Maybe they will.

He thinks we can't hide here forever.

He used to call me a flod. I think it was a mixture between a flid and spod.

He used to enjoy lots of things he doesn't like doing any more.

He'd definitely get the sack for that.

He's a creative, I'm a creative.

He's a red haired old gentleman

He's an alpha male, Jeremy.

He's gonna sell your organs or invite a German round from the internet to eat you.

He's got a window and he's opening it for me.

He's here, too.

He's horrible

He's looking for, quote unquote, a fuck monkey.

He's nibbling but he hasn't bitten yet. So I'm just gonna get Gerard

He's not a man, he's a band. He's one of the most brilliant techno pioneers of all time

He's not into anything serious,

He's obsessed with the idea that I'm screwing around on him.

He's only bloody come through for me.

Hello, everybody.

Hello, just need to grab some files, and some ProPlus and Nurofen.

Hello, Mark, Jeremy.

Hello, Penny. Where's Sophie?

Hello, sexy.

Hello, you, yes you.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Check it out, Mark.

Her? Why?

Here it is.

Here they all are, my tormentors.

Here, look, take it. And the horsey. Come on, man!

Here, Mark, I tell you what, you piss in this bottle, I'll drink it.

Here, Sally, I got you a present.

Here's Sophie, everybody, here's Sophie.

Hey hey, it's me. Surprise visit.

Hey, 31, Bishop's Avenue.

Hey, Corrigan, your ass is hanging out! Tuck it in!

Hey, is that a kingfisher?

Hey, Jez! Great idea. This is so much fun.

Hey, look, it'll be OK.

Hey, Mark, would you like some?

Hey, Markie!

Hey, Nance, how was the sofa?

Hey, Soph, sorry to have missed you. Having a great time on my stag.

Hey, Suze.

Hey, there. We just wondered if you don't mind hanging out

Hey!

Hi there, can I come in?

Hi, Alan, you wanted to talk about... Oh, I'm sorry...

Hi, and what's your name?

Hi, Foz.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Jez, Super Hans.

Hi, Mark, how are you feeling?

Hitchhiker's Guide. It's the same copy we read from at Sutton Hoo.

Hmm.

Honestly, I was always coming to Kettering. It's a party town.

How about a foot of wine?

How am I going to see Nancy again if you don't give me a pass?

How did that get on there?

How do you like those guys on your ass? I don't give up, Alan!

How do you think it's going, Jez?

How exactly is pulling a third in going to help? You dick pole!

How many missed calls have you got?

How the hell has it come to this?

How would you feel about sleeping with Mark's boss, for money?

How would you know?

How's it going, mate? Everyone's excited.

How's it going?

How's it looking, Mark? Looking good, right?

How's the food plan? What did you have for dinner?

I always knew you'd do well for yourself, but this is amazing.

I always knew you'd end up doing something like that.

I am angry, very angry, but also incredibly relieved.

I am not a dirty dog, but I do need you to come as my... sheath.

I am out of this, no questions asked.

I believe so. What exactly is?

I blink, you win, OK?

I came to try and win her back but I don't even know if I like her or...

I can lend you this great book on relationships.

I can see it's you. What the hell are you doing here?

I can still come to classes. Do you mind if I cut in?

I can't believe he'd say that.

I can't believe they got rid of Matt.

I can't believe this, Jeremy. This is really horrible.

I can't believe you saw her last night but didn't say till now.

I can't do it now.

I can't hide. I'm not a good hider.

I can't see her now, pretend to be asleep.

I can't think of anything to say. You start.

I can't... This isn't what I want.

I could be your butler.

I could go on the exercise bike in front of you

I could invite Nancy. Yeah, brilliant excuse to see her.

I could probably live like a king on a tenner a week. I'd do fuck all.

I could say I was looking for God up here.

I couldn't get out!

I did a few different versions of Borneo Function that never got released.

I did not try to sell her body to another man.

I did think I had ringworm once but it turned out to be a cigarette burn.

I didn't actually mean, "Relax and take your time." Jesus!

I didn't know you were even back in the country.

I didn't want to mention that, but...

I do actually, definitely, fancy Eva.

I don't care how you do it as long as you fucking well do it!

I don't know if I'm attractive enough to.

I don't know,

I don't know, Alan.

I don't know, I think I made a pretty good impression.

I don't know, it's difficult.

I don't know, Mark, yours is very expensive.

I don't know, maybe some stoned weightlifter playing a prank or something.

I don't know, maybe.

I don't know. I keep wondering that.

I don't know. Who is he?

I don't like her! I don't fancy her!

I don't like it at all.

I don't mind it being risque, Jeremy.

I don't need to pay money to join a gym. The world is my gym.

I don't really want to go back to that place or have anything to do with him.

I don't really want to.

I don't think he'll die, he never normally dies.

I don't think I have a good enough reason to call off this wedding.

I don't think it is the same, Mark.

I don't think so, she's not really my type.

I don't think that a distinction as big in reality as it is in your mind.

I don't think we'll hit trouble on the Shropshire Union Canal.

I don't wanna end up on my own, like Miss Haversham,

I don't want a hangover, Jeremy. I want to be almost asleep by 11.

I don't want him on my chest.

I don't want sweet punani action.

I don't want to talk to you. Goodbye.

I don't want to waste water so I have my own methods,

I dunno! Stuff! Banter. Chat.

I expect you've noticed lan's a little older than me.

I feel like my soul is being chipped away bit by bit.

I feel the same sometimes when I come back from JLB

I find that stuff interesting.

I got a bit drunk and posted that stuff to Big Suze,

I got it signed by Douglas Adams when he came to the big WH Smith's.

I got it. I got one, I got one!

I got Super Hans to fill in yesterday. Said I was sick.

I had a boyfriend till last month. He was a bit hippy for my taste.

I had a chance to think in Norway.

I had a great first day.

I had to hide it. Aurora had me looking for it for about four hours.

I hadn't even noticed.

I have a job and a flat of my own now, so it's great to see you.

I have experience of managing a team.

I have, this is how I've got over it.

I haven't got a penny in the world, Suze,

I haven't got very much cash at the moment and no one round here

I haven't had a proper drink for six years.

I haven't seen you since...

I heard every word. And for the record, Jeremy,

I heard you snoring, but you're not asleep.

I helped him out.

I hoover sometimes cos I bought my flat and that

I hope Nancy gets here soon, this is gonna be perfect.

I just don't know, Jez.

I just don't think we should see each other for a while.

I just feel terrible. I feel like I've been shot in the stomach.

I just feel that, you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix it,

I just think if our relationship were a sugar bowl, it would be this one.

I just wanna go and scrub it all out.

I just wanna go to bed!

I just wanna make sure it's accurate.

I just wanted to check you were back OK, Mark,

I know a reason.

I know I have. But I'm lucky,

I know I might have mentioned some doubts, but that was pub talk.

I know my rights. I've spoken to my friends at the Citizens Advice Bureau.

I know my wife.

I know now, but I didn't before.

I know why you're doing this, Mark. You're marrying her to spite me.

I know, I forget too, sometimes.

I know!

I know.

I like long hours.

I like that, it sounds interesting.

I like the lyrics.

I listen to the set text on my iPod when I'm hoovering.

I love the funny women taking their clothes off, and you lot gawping.

I love you too.

I love you. I've just got this big overdraft.

I make my own sandwiches, Jeremy.

I may be a homophobe, but I'm no badger baiter.

I mean, am I gonna live here, like, on my own?

I mean, I will. I mean, obviously I can't, but I would.

I mean, I'm not on the Child Protection Register... yet,

I mean, ideally it would be somewhere with nice surroundings.

I mean, Kenneth Halliwell and Joe Orton couldn't do that.

I mean, she's so nice.

I mean, take a look at my stomach. Yes, have a look at yours.

I mean, we only watched the Lion King and his Fatboy Slim DVD.

I mean, what am I gonna do? What's gonna happen here?

I mean, where did you even meet him?

I mean, whether he's really into me.

I mean, you know, so you don't break both your hearts?

I mean, you must be bloody relaxed by now.

I mean, you've got to be realistic, we're no Edward and Mrs Simpson, but, yeah.

I mean, you've got your...

I might call it a day and head back to the barge. Coming?

I need a drink.

I need to find Big Suze. There's no answer at her room.

I need to see her immediately.

I need to talk to Sophie about the whole wedding.

I never knew you were into stuff like this.

I personally presided over an increase of close to 17%.

I probably shouldn't tell you.

I really don't feel comfortable about this, Jez.

I really don't feel like eating turkey, Jeremy. I'm full.

I really feel, since I'm eating turkey, you should eat some turkey.

I really need to get to a urinal, Mark.

I said, it's just you and me from here on in. Right?

I should keep a clear head.

I should pick your brains.

I shouldn't marry Sophie, I should call it off.

I snogged her at the JLB conference.

I sometimes wonder what I'm doing with Mark. Getting married.

I suppose I could... run away.

I suppose I thought that...

I suppose that's what I want to ask you today, if anything.

I suppose you're right. Plus, maybe burning stuff is, not normal,

I take it all back. There. Normal! We're back to normal.

I theme my jams, it makes them more fun.

I think anything on the wedding day is a jilting.

I think I mentioned I'll be heading off late Saturday night.

I think I might divorce her, see how she likes that.

I think I've cracked it, Alan.

I think it's important I clear the air about me cheating on you.

I think she's... Iovely.

I think we should leave a note and get the fuck out.

I think you're right.

I think... I think I'm gonna call it off, Jez.

I thought for a minute you were gonna ask me!

I thought it gave him a bit of edge. Thinking of cropping the hair, too.

I thought you liked the beard.

I thought you might get a kick out of them.

I thought you might like this.

I thought you were just a man in a shirt, sitting on a chair.

I thought you weren't working here any more.