A Christmas Story (1983) Soundboard Edit

Ain't no needles coming off this here tree.

All he got out was:

Almost time for my father to come home from work.

Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that...

Be careful, Ralphie!

Behind the desk, against the wall over there.

Brought to you by rich, chocolaty Ovaltine.

Did you have a nice Christmas?

For a moment I thought, I'll fake it. They'll never know the lens is gone!

Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on.

Hey, kid.

However, I was disappointed in the margins.

I am in my first secret meeting.

I knew that when Miss Shields read my magnificent, eloquent theme...

I like the Tin Man.

I said has anyone seen Flick?

I said the word

I thought I heard Santa's sleigh bells...

I'll be right down, Ma.

I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in

I'll tell you what he said

I'll throw in some rope and tie it to your car for you

I've won! I've won!

In which my mother had me trapped.

It was all over. I was dead.

It was his only defense.

It's a clinker!

Merry Christmas, Miss Shields.

No. Shoot your eye out.

Not a finger!

Of the impenetrable BB gun web...

Oh, I should weep if I have to read one more "F"!

Oh, yeah.

Okay. Now here's a tree.

Oldsmobile!

Or one of the nameless rabble of victims.

Other artists might work in oils or clay.

Overcome by art.

Please, Ralph. I must know what we did.

Put your head down in here.

Quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice

Santa Claus had come!

Scut Farkus, staring out at us with his yellow eyes.

Secret decoder pen, was about to pay off.

Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana.

Stuck! Stuck!

That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds...

That's what I thought you said.

The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine, in order to get...

They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears

They were round. They had once been made of rubber.

This is it.

Turn off all the lights.

Wake up, Randy.

Well, just me and my trusty old...

What'd I do, Mom?

Where?

Yeah. I'm running late already.

You folks looking for a tree? We got 300 trees.

Say "uncle." Uncle!

Swallowed a yo yo? On a bet.

Watch the traffic, there. Okay.

Well, almost. Almost?

Yeah, but what is that? It's a major award.

"and this thing which tells time."

"Be sure to." Be sure to what?

"Don't want to waste electricity