Veep (2012) - Season 2 Edit

A Marine sergeant, 2nd recon battalion,

A nice little almond croissant?

A quick military strike here.

Aboard the Black Hawks and we are about to go in.

About joining him at the Marine base?

About this visit to the Marine base at Quantico?

Acquisition is confirmed.

Actually, ma'am, I had some ideas about some opportunities here.

Against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

Aggressive.

Ahem, is he in a lot of pain?

All hostages recovered unharmed.

All I do is provide POTUS with the polls.

All right, I put together one card for each senator.

All right, I've got a bone to pick...

All right, let's get swearing, Philip.

All right. There speaketh a pricketh.

All right. This is fun, isn't it?

Amy, call the office.

Amy, it's time o'clock.

Amy, this is like explaining gravity to a chicken.

Anbar, wonderful.

And allegiance to the same. That I take this obligation

And allowing Miss Wilson to join us today on the committee.

And did you know in the CD player I've got "Ride of the Valkyries"?

And did you see that photo of me in "Politico"?

And he's suddenly totally against the operation.

And here he is, the man who can't take a leak

And I know what the word for today is.

And I'm including mine in that and mine is horrible.

And it's your job to coordinate that, maestro.

And off you go. Maryanne

And saying different words means what?

And smuggle me out of here?

And so won't you give my love to Patty?

And some guy in the hospital with locked in syndrome.

And that I will well and faithfully discharge

And that's not moveable.

And the VP's, to the same location.

And then you talked to him about it this morning

And there might be a little raspberry surprise in them.

And we are not afraid.

And we do that by sticking

And we've got a secure video teleconference

And were you anywhere near...

And where did you serve, Marine?

And you are fucking grinning about it.

And you don't hear it often, like bumptious.

And you don't think it's a sign

Any less and they will be flaccid and damp

Any more and they'll dry out.

Are as good as real legs.

Are incredibly inappropriate

Are you actually questioning my qualifications, George?

Are you here for a meeting? I'm not expecting anyone.

Are you serious?

Are you watching this? Look at this.

As in intel, of course, ma'am.

As you know, we have a very special guest here today.

Ashes to ashes,

At least she got to lie down, right?

Back off.

Bad things to make good things happen.

Because you are grinning. Why are you grinning?

Ben's breakdown aside, the VP feels we need

Both require precision timing, neither should be rushed.

Bring me my cerise colored binder, Jonah.

But he knows I've got a bigger role in the White House now,

But he knows I've got a bigger role in the White House now,

But I suppose when he wakes up...

But she didn't mean what she just said, okay?

But they will thank me because I waited until...

But why don't you give it a try, Madam Vice President?

But you annihilated Sue.

But you can't, Dan. You can't.

Calculated? That sounds so...

Can expect a robust response

Can I get you a cinnamon mocha or something?

Can you make it a big one

Cease fire! Cease fire!

Cerise? Yes, sir.

Cliff, when I said no jokes, that wasn't a joke.

Congressman Ramsey, right?

Do people not use sentences anymore?

Do you not have measures in place to prevent

Do you think she's nervous?

Does aggressive trump robust?

Don't be ridiculous. I'm not famous.

Don't do jokes, Cliff.

Don't you have somewhere you're supposed to be?

Earliest we could go in would be the sixth or the ninth.

End of an era, buddy.

End of an era.

Ensure you keep your finger straight and off the trigger.

Even though my salivary glands are crying out to me

Excuse me, ma'am. It is time o'clock.

Explosive. Punchy. Fearless. I'm just saying words.

For the whole senator swearing in thing.

For three minutes and 35 seconds.

For waiving executive privilege

For your little ding?

Freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion

Gary oke is done, my friend. It's time for Danny oke now.

Gary, I need the speech. I need the vice president's ear.

Gary, we need to start prepping

Gary. Gary.

General, Mr. President.

George, comments like that

Get your own ear, van Gogh.

Getting innocent Americans home safe and sound, right?

Give 'em a blah job. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Give me something. Give me a word. Any word!

Going on in the world right now.

Good morning, Marines!

Good morning.

Ha! There. There it is.

Hang up the phone, dummy.

He basically doesn't have a leg from above the knee down.

He had a pro strike hawk boner the size of Jonah.

He was more of a devil.

He'll bounce back. I got a feeling.

He's gonna procrasterbate forever.

He's mad as an ox.

He's now calling for an aggressive response.

Here he is, Kanye West Wing.

Here you are, Madam Vice President.

Hey, have we heard anything from Maddox?

Hey, ma'am, you've got five minutes of veep time before Maddox arrives.

Hey, ma'am. How would you like

Hey, Neilio. We're in.

Hi, gentlemen.

His wife just died and he has no family left.

His word is "get the vice president over here right now we're having a fucking meeting."

How do you make two perfectly pleasant words so irritating?

Huh?

Huh. Okay.

I believe he lost from above the knee.

I call that overshadowboxing.

I can't believe I'm in this position.

I can't think of when, but she has.

I choose to wait for my noodles

I cook these noodles every day.

I could have given you some advice.

I do solemnly swear...

I don't care. I'm going in.

I don't have a sense of humor and neither should you.

I don't know what's going on,

I don't think you do understand.

I don't think you have the intelligence.

I got my date. This is my date, Amy.

I guarantee you they're better than my shitty legs.

I hate my legs. In fact, if I had the choice...

I hope you heard that joke.

I just need to get some air. Excuse me.

I just saw it.

I know what I'm doing, George.

I know, Jonah. That's what everyone's been saying.

I know. He's Iwo Jima.

I lost a man his leg.

I mean, genius play, ma'am. Genius.

I mean, Sue only has one name like Pocahontas or Hitler.

I must have a very specific form of color blindness

I pulled that straight out of my ass.

I pushed for the sixth, right?

I said that's enough. Thank you.

I think it'd be a good idea if we focus more

I think that... oh, there's Sue.

I thought we were still on considered.

I understand that Marine 2 is here.

I want to know how all your filmmaking is going

I was married to a Devil Dog, but he wasn't a Marine.

I will leave.

I'd be terrible in a hostage situation, even as a hostage taker.

I'd like to first of all thank the vice president

I'll be normal. It's gonna be great.

I'll just be closing this door right now.

I'll tell you why. Hostage crisis, noodles... same principle.

I'm Cliff. I'm filling in for Sue

I'm guessing you have one of those word a day calendars.

I'm planting a flag right on his head.

I'm so happy about that. How's my speech coming?

I'm stuck here swearing in a shitload of senators.

I'm sure I can break up any catfights when I get there.

I'm trying not to. I'm not sure why my face is doing this.

I'm working remotely.

I'm your neighbor. Remember, take care of Selina, okay?

I've got to get a refill here.

If I may, I'd like to begin with percentages

If there wasn't a president, but there is.

If we give him enough time, he's gonna change his mind.

If you don't mind my saying, ma'am, there speaketh a civilian.

In a bathtub full of rose petals.

In the interest of transparency

In your fucking face, eggs.

Inaction only becomes untenable when more than 65% of Americans

Is he spitting bullets 'cause I'm showing up at the base?

Is he...

Is it four or is it five?

Is that you begin to think that you can see inside their head,

Is we can't look suspicious in our movements.

It means we're not on the same...

It would have been nice to have been consulted about your speech, ma'am.

It's a word cloud from this morning's "DC Press."

It's actually how I like my reds.

It's all one word hyphenated.

It's bigger than collapse.

It's everything you'll ever need to know.

It's five.

It's just a blip. She's gonna be fine.

It's not your speech. My fingerprints are all over that sucker.

It's robust.

It's so good to see you.

It's teeny tiny because technically you have four names.

It's time to robust a nut all over this place.

It's, uh...

Just a synonym for robust.

Just salvage his foot?

Just the "Post."

Keep it dull, which incidentally, is also dull.

Last year's expenditure on office supplies

Legacy marker. Yeah!

Let's bring these kids home as soon as possible.

Let's get some action here.

Let's go find POTUS.

Like a lady's hair in the rain.

Like newly hatched birds.

Listen, we all know the White House would work so much better

Look at the word Sue.

Look how teeny tiny that is.

Look into my calendar and tell me if there is anything

Lord of Christ are you doing here?

Ma'am, I just want to say consummate performance.

Ma'am, I know you really love me, but now you're gonna hate me.

Ma'am, some of the prosthetic legs they have these days

Ma'am, the vice president sometimes has to do

Ma'am, there's also... yeah.

Ma'am, this base houses Marine 2.

Ma'am, this could really chap Maddox's ass, too.

Madam Vice President, this is General Mercer.

Maybe only in DC.

Mike, what do you think? What do you think about robust?

Move everything off of the sixth for me.

Mr. Secretary, would you like to try?

My God, I look constipated.

My pleasure.

My secure video teleconference with history.

My speech is a face melter. These buzz cuts are gonna flip.

Never mind. I'm gonna go.

No, he's in an induced coma.

No, I believe he lost from above...

No, I'm Cliff. I'm Sue's Sue.

No, I'm good. I've fired a gun before.

No, no, no. I lost a man his leg, Mike.

No, robust is like a rock and aggressive is like paper.

No, that's too aggressive. We don't want to say that.

Not only did you rescue the hostages,

Now I'd like to work on breaking down

Now you went with the sixth because it's before the ninth?

Of course I can.

Of course. Of course.

Of your office budget dedicated to international

Oh, boy. Well, I feel like that porn star who had to do 200 men in one day.

Oh, God, she's gonna want that testosterone gel. I'm out of here.

Oh, God. I'm imagining you

Oh, hey, Sue. How was the sequel?

Oh, how about that? Fastest gun in the West Wing.

Oh, I don't...

Oh, I got the full mission eval from the NSC.

Oh, I thought you were gonna say diet, Ben.

Oh, I wish that was my cousin's name.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't...

Oh, I've got to go. Bye, bye, bye. Ma'am?

Oh, it, um...

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!

Oh, look at this. You all have good blood.

Oh, my God. I'd kiss you right now, but I'm never gonna do that.

Oh, my God. Okay, let's get the family in here.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, on the eighth.

Oh, one minor change. Just one word, really.

Oh, shoot, paper covers rock. I forget about that.

Oh, so they were able to..

Oh, the noodle analogy.

Oh, where is the great and powerful Oz, by the way?

Oh, yeah, it would, wouldn't it?

Oh, yeah, me and Kim Kardashian.

Oh, yeah. Huh.

Oh, yeah. I would love that.

Oh, yeah. It's good. I'm still hunting for that big one.

Oh!

Okay, get away from me. Sue!

Okay, ma'am, you got 33 senators to get through.

Okay, now she just sounds mentally ill.

Okay, Philip Dorsey's the last one, so he's gonna be quick.

Okay.

Okay. Ma'am, is there anything...

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Thanks.

Old jumbo needs a refill. Excuse me.

On each senator's particular policy interests rather than small talk.

On the sixth that is immovable.

One second.

Operation Good Shepherd is proceeding well, ma'am.

Operation Good Shepherd... total success.

Or is it six? Or is it seven?

Or she's menopausal.

Or to Lara Croft here for that matter.

Our management team is... robust.

Parting the cheeks.

Please stop saying that, ma'am.

Probably got his head stuck in her ass.

Pumped and dumped by the fame monster, huh?

Relieved is not the opposite of constipated, Mike.

Remind me, you said what?

Right? You get that? You understand it?

Robust is a good word.

Robust to dust.

Robust, not bumptious.

Robust? Damn, that's good.

Robust? I like it. It makes me think of wine.

Robust.

Same goes for you, Dan. No.

Sean Penn is doing more about the hostages than we are.

Sec Def Maddox just did an interview with Bloomberg.

Secretary of Defense Maddox is living up to his name.

See how much heat I just created.

See you in there, I guess

Seems like you're no longer news, Miss Wilson.

Selina can't use that now. We need another word.

Set your DVR. I'm thinking of... okay, you hung up.

She fires a gun one time and she thinks she's Rommel in the desert.

She has a return appearance?

She swears in all newly elected senators.

She was supposed to be dull, Mike.

She's done worse.

She's so funny.

She's the president of the Senate.

Short.

Sir, I was told that I'd be asked questions about efficiency.

Sir, we have a system that I believe to be...

Sit down, Sue.

Small arms means guns, ma'am.

So far you have barely asked me any.

So first, please welcome the Secretary of Defense George Maddox.

So help me God.

So no swearing.

So Sue's return to the hearing's wiped off the news map.

So we work around that.

So we're all agreed?

So we're good.

So you can stuff me inside of it

So you had a good New Year's?

So you'd like me to tell the vice president we do nothing until then?

So, ma'am, no word yet from the Secretary of Defense

So, you know, that's good

Something's up. Something's up. What's going on?

Stick a thermometer up Washington's ass.

Stray ordnance, he lost a leg.

Sue, good luck at the hearing.

Sue, Hessler's efficiency hearing, you've got to keep it dull, okay?

Sue, she just used robust three times at the hearing.

Sue! No, the real Sue.

Support intervention even with casualties.

Sure, we'll roll out the ramps.

Surely nothing is immoveable.

Thank you for your service.

Thank you, Mr. Ryan.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Off you go. Brian, you're up.

Thanks. Thanks, guys.

That I will bear true faith...

That I will bear true faith...

That I will support and defend

That is fucking pathetic.

That is my definition of robust.

That those who challenge our freedoms

That was a play on my name. My name is Cliff

That was meant for you to hear it.

That your office is poorly managed?

That's great. For us, I mean.

That's immoveable.

That's one of my favorite films. It's dark, but I like it.

That's right. So from now on, the words are calculated response.

That's the last thing on anyone's mind today. Come on.

The Constitution of the United States

The duties of the office of which I am about to enter, so help me Brian.

The eggs are back in the basket!

The entire leg?

The government sending two different motorcades, the defense secretary's

The gun could literally backfire. That's where the phrase comes from.

The leg is just the price of admission

The men get the situation room, I get the shituation room?

The most important thing on the day

The only people watching this are you

The only thing I need to move is the senator swearing in ceremony,

The only thing that can't move is Sue's second hearing appearance on the sixth.

The problem with being so close to somebody's ear all the time

The senator swearing in ceremony is set in stone.

The senator swearing in ceremony.

The sixth, it's gonna be a bad day for the bad guys.

The size of each word corresponds to its total number of uses.

The veep's more concerned with the hostage situation.

The vice president's official

The VP's base visit today.

There are just some security issues

There's cultures that don't even have any numbers and they do just fine.

These fellas have heard a lot worse than that, ma'am.

These poor kids... they're like Catherine's age.

These small arms have a max effective range of 25 yards.

They all leave me eventually.

They don't salute indoors, Gary.

They don't salute indoors, Gary.

They need to be heated at 800 watts

They're all in the situation room.

They're different words.

They're sticky and they're on the back, Mike.

Think of me as a cheerleader, Mike.

This great nation know this,

This is all Cliff's fault, that grinning fucking Ewok.

This is my hostage rescue mission.

This is so awesome. I'll bet you camera three gets a kill.

This is the Veeplopedia.

This is the worst small talk I've ever heard.

This is why I told her to be dull.

This is... I can't take this anymore.

This isn't a POTUS thing. Why is scrotus here?

This kind of wasteful duplication of government resources?

To the place you wanted to be.

To the same fucking words.

Uh, I have to move on, Philip.

Uh, no, ma'am, it all looks moveable.

Uh, no, nothing from Maddox,

Uh... wait, wait.

Um, can you give me just half a sec?

Um, just give me one second.

Um...

Versus political duties if we can.

Vice President Selina Meyer.

VP stands for "very precious."

Wait a minute. Jonah's going in?

Waiting is not doing nothing.

Was he part of the operation?

Was held at the exact same level as the previous year.

We are looking at live feeds from cams

We got to go early. You know POTUS.

We have the best military in the world.

We who have answered the call to serve

Well, Ben, it seems like you're ill suited for your job and you should resign.

Well, gentlemen, the sixth it's gonna be.

Well, I mean, your word... I mean, robust is dominating.

Well, I'm guessing that you think you have a sense of humor, Mr. Hessler.

Well, it's robustier.

Well, let's bring this beautiful family in.

Well, maybe we could invite him to the White House.

Well, that's all we want. We all want the big one, don't we?

Well, that's how the cookie crumbles.

Well, the virtual sit room is right back there

Well, where's the word Selina?

West Wing. Jonah.

What does she need an encore for?

What in the living fuck is this?

What in the living...

What the fuck?

What?

What?

What? The hostages? We got 'em?

What? You're not fucking Sue.

What's going on?

What's the opposite of constipated, Mike?

What's up? I can see it. It's right here.

Whatever it's called... packing heat. How about that?

When people's lives are at stake.

When the guns go off, they will be loud, Madam Vice President,

When you do that, I'm gonna start supporting gun control.

Which means I've got a bigger dick, which means he can suck it.

Which means that the total sum...

Which you are wrong about, as you are about the calendar.

While she preps for her return appearance on the sixth.

Why the fuck are we talking about noodles?

Why would she be nervous?

With the four countries that neighbor Uzbekistan.

With this hostage situation,

Without polling his balls.

Would you like to give me a definition as well?

Wow. Hope it comes with CliffsNotes.

Yeah, I know that. I know how to act normal, okay?

Yeah, I mean, it's subtle enough to seem loyal to POTUS.

Yeah, I was talking to POTUS last night.

Yeah, it's an encore. Start popping your popcorn.

Yeah, it's what you want to hear in a hostage crisis

Yeah, let me get that for you.

Yeah, let me tell you something. I'm a good shot.

Yeah, now let's take a photo.

Yeah, perhaps not, but we all work for the president.

Yeah, plus all the nicknames that we don't talk about.

Yeah, precise and surgical, like your lobotomy, Kent.

Yeah, take the coat. That makes sense to me.

Yeah!

Yeah! Eggs shak a laka!

Yeah! Semper fucking fee.

Yeah?

Yeah? Yeah.

Yep?

Yes, I do. Oh, my gosh, yes.

Yes, ma'am. His left leg, ma'am.

Yes, we were skiing in Vermont.

Yes, yes. Oh, so help you God.

Yes. He was actually due to be rotated out on the eighth.

You are a bunch of Devil Dogs, that's what I hear.

You could chip a veneer and I don't really want that to happen.

You don't know, do you?

You don't look constipated. You look the opposite of it.

You got donut on you, Mike.

You guys are gonna love this.

You have made a fuckup the size of France

You just timed out that whole shit analogy

You know robust is my word. She stole my word.

You know what, Dan?

You know what? I may even start... you know,

You know what? Let's lock and load. What do you say?

You know, once he's back up on his...

You like your reds through a bendy straw, too, right, Mike?

You mean one of our Marines lost a leg?

You picked the operation date to blow her appearance off the map.

You said that everything was moveable.

You served in Iraq? I see

You stay away from her ear. Do you hear me?

You want a question? What can you tell me

You were born for that moment.

You've got to light a fire under the president's butt.

Your 15 minutes might be up.

Your efficiency hearing isn't very efficient.

Aggressive? Yeah, I just got that, too.

Did you see that? How about it? Yes, ma'am.

...Anbar? Yes.

...so help me God. ...so help me God.

'Cause we're done. Okay.

and domestic transportation. My pulse is racing, sir.

Baghdad. Anbar.

Beg pardon? And so on.

Beg pardon? Your fishing.

But you are. I'm here.

Calculated? Pussy ass, that's what I was gonna say.

Cerise. I'm sorry, sir.

Classified! Oh, my God!

Cliff. Yes.

Cold numbers. God, I hate numbers.

Come, come. Madam Vice President

Congratulations again, ma'am. Thanks a million.

Congratulations, ma'am. Thank you.

Congratulations. What an honor.

Danny oke? End of an era, buddy. End of an era.

Did she just make an innuendo? Yep. Yep.

Diet? Page.

Do you need to Google it? No, ma'am, I understand.

Do you understand that? Understood, ma'am.

Fi. Fi. Fi, right.

Good luck, gentlemen. Ma'am.

Good morning, Marine. He has a nice face.

Good morning, Marine. Ma'am.

has nothing to do with it? You know what I'm interested in?

Hey, ma'am, you seen this yet? What is it?

Hey, ma'am. Yes?

Hey, Mike? Yes, ma'am.

I don't like your tone. And I don't have to answer to you, Ben.

I have news on the noodles. What's he talking about?

I know. I think you mean, "So help you God."

I lost a man his leg, Mike. So good. So good.

I'm not grinning. You are grinning.

I'm Ruby. Oh, Ruby.

I'm the boy named Sue. What?

In anger, too, I might add. Oh, uh oh.

in the situation room, so... Oh, great.

It's a good photo, ma'am. Jonah, there are more important things

It's eerie, right? It is eerie.

Let's black out till we drop. Sorry, fellas.

Let's speak to the veep. Let's go.

Ma'am, I've got... No, you're not needed here, Gary.

Ma'am, the comms should be live now. Oh.

Ma'am. Congratulations, ma'am.

Ma'am. Ma'am. Right here. Oh, yeah.

Madam Vice President? Huh? Yeah.

Marines like to be called Devil Dogs. Devil Dogs.

Maybe she's pregnant again. Oh, God.

No, she didn't. Yeah. What the...?

No, you don't. Meet me in my office.

Nothing. Nada. Really?

Office of the Vice President. This is the vice president.

Oh, damn it. Okay.

Oh, no, ma'am. Oh, good.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry, ma'am. It's fine.

Oh, really, Gary? Not T rex hands? Okay.

Oh, shit. We can't. What?

Oh, that's on the sixth? Yes, ma'am.

Oh, yeah. It's Gary oke time. Yes, it is.

Okay, resolute. Determined.

Okay, thank you very much. Must Sue TV.

Okay? Okay.

Only one injury. Detail on that injury?

Oorah. Oorah!

Or Moby or Bigfoot. Hey, Sue!

Relieved. No.

Remember, Sue, be dull. I will.

Robust? Robust.

Robust. And you said? Aggressive.

Say hi to history, ma'am. Oh, God.

She passed away. Yes. Yes.

So help me God. Me, God, yes.

Strong. Go with strong. Strong? Strong, got it.

Sue made it. Sure. It's there, too.

Sue, I'm your fill in, Cliff. Cliff. Hey, I'm Gary.

Sue! Yes, ma'am?

Thank you. What the hell?

That doesn't seem very efficient. Oh, shit a shark.

That's gonna electrify DC. Oh, it's gonna AC DC.

That's the exact same thing as resolute. Then we'll use mine.

The cerise binders, sir. No, that's cherry red.

There goes the R bomb. I thought we weren't doing robust.

This could backfire. It's not gonna backfire.

This is man's work. Ma'am, should I...

Tremendous shot, by the way. Really?

We can move on the hostages. Cock a noodle doo.

We just got a text from Ben. And? What's his word?

What's time o'clock? Time o'clock.

Why are we talking about noodles? No, let me rephrase that.

Why don't you take a seat, Sue? Oh, sorry, ma'am.

Yeah, I don't think that's a bad idea. What?

Yeah, of course. And Sue's return to the committee

Yeah. They're not saluting you.

Yes, it is. No, no, this is the vice president.

Yes. Uh, I am Brian.

You can clear that. Absolutely, ma'am.

You have a nice face. Thank you, ma'am.

You see the problem? No, I don't.

Your response needs to be what? Robust.

"Apocalypse Now."

"Considered response" is now gonna be "robust response."

"VP sister act robusting the moves"?