Veep - Season 5 Edit

A ban on all foreign adoptions by American citizens.

A bit of an asshat?

A De bagging? Is that what you just said?

A district by district regression analysis.

A fake protest. That is classic O'Brien.

A full hand recount will be requested.

A great, great, very good job.

A high level West Wing staffer was recently overheard

A lady president? Yeah, maybe in the year 2000.

A little moment to process all of this, girls.

A little.

A lobbyist to take me out to lunch short notice?

A lot of asses in your face.

A lot of people don't want me to be president.

A motion to delay certification.

A nightcap?

A North Korean military exercise right now and that's about it.

A pardon is not on the table.

A pleasure to meet you, Madam President.

A sad bride because, of course, this is a day of grief.

A set of unilateral sanctions

A somewhat arcane institution

A terrorist fucking AIDS virus

A very meaningful and historic pen

A what?

About a job as director of communications.

About assholes and jizz and my pretty mouth.

About me being called a cunt get out in the first place, right?

About Nevada.

About O'Brien. It wasn't nice.

About running against widows.

About the first daughter's lesbianism.

About the Palm Beach house.

About the whole men's room incident.

Absolutely not a thing. And if it was a thing, it's over.

Absolutely, ma'am.

Absolutely. I'm right on board with you.

Acting on a tip, US Justice Department deputies

Actual Congress or some fantasy league Congress?

Actually, Bob Bradley asked me to come out here

Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death.

Actually, her stepmom. She has a difficult relation...

Actually, I do need to spell check this thing

Actually, I got a question for you.

Actually, I told him something similar to that, but he's most insistent.

Actually, I was gonna say a champion for the middle class,

Actually, I'm sorry, that lumbar support goes with this chair.

Actually, I'm the one that's supposed to say cut.

Actually, it goes with the seat, so it should probably stay.

Actually, Lee, right now is a fantastic time to sell.

Actually, ma'am, I have a better idea.

Actually, ma'am... I'm sorry I'm late... I think I may have found something.

Actually, Madam President, I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching

Actually, she's the only member of the Gay and Lesbian Caucus.

Actually, they did. The Chinese created islands

Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today

Actually, you know what? I could email you.

After a careful assessment

After he met with the O'Brien camp?

After I lost my first election for state senate,

After kids, probably still be a seven.

After much prayerful consideration, I have decided to abstain

After that, done.

After the national elections,

After the ventilator is removed,

After today's stunning turn of events in Nevada,

Afternoon, sir. We're here because your ballot

Agent Palmi... thank you.

Ah, and I grew up right here

Ah, Buddy Calhoun

Ah, fuck.

Ah, fuck.

Ah, I just blew the lid off of Cuntgate.

Ah, it's an old book.

Ah, Jang, that was my daughter

Ah, there you are. Precinct totals have been reported.

Ah, well, it happened

Ah, wow, that's starting to make a whole lot of sense.

Ahem, well, maybe a little bit, but...

Aimed at a possible path to self determination.

Ain't a challenge been invented Jonah Ryan can't do.

Aka Hitsville USA,

Alabama casts its vote for President Selina Meyer.

Alav hashalom. Hebrew.

All brain function has ceased.

All captured on amateur video.

All clients, of course, of Sidney Why is That Guy Calling Me Purcell.

All I got to do is press send and we...

All my grandparents are dead.

All over her stupid Slavic face,

All pending ballots from the recount.

All right, Amy, this meeting cannot make it

All right, come on, Ben, let's go.

All right, fine. Ow!

All right, gonna have to start chumming the media waters.

All right, here we go. Alabama first in the alphabet,

All right, here's my final decision.

All right, I wanted to fuck your brains out!

All right, I'm gonna need some more time.

All right, Judy, pretend to be Jonah.

All right, let's get to this. Let's make it quick.

All right, let's go, girls. Get on the thing.

All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson.

All right, listen. From this moment forward,

All right, listen. Karen has got to get those ballots admitted, right?

All right, Mrs. Sherman, same question.

All right, so do we have any idea

All right, so the Chinese are gonna be here any minute.

All right, so they've got a Secretary of State and what do I have?

All right, then let's just sit down.

All right, then we have to delay

All right, we got six more votes this morning.

All right, we're gonna start with that.

All right, well, I'm gonna get back to this, so I'll see you later.

All right, wheels up in 10 minutes on Marine One.

All right, who's ready for some piping hot tofurkey?

All right, who's up first?

All right? 26 votes and it's over.

All right? It is... oh, here.

All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape

All roads through Colorado go through me

All the absentee ballots of our men and women bravely serving overseas.

All the photos of you with the Washington elite.

All you fucking cared about was your stupid, bad selves.

All you're doing right now is making me hungry.

Almost two months to the day earlier,

Also an accomplished ballroom dancer.

Also from the comms department,

Also one cream, splash of half and half, one sugar, one Splenda.

Also our friendship.

Also the State Department is reporting

Also, sir, some bands we haven't used

Alternate timelines are a crutch

Although either one would explain why she never shaves her legs.

Although pocket pool is more my game.

Although you do have the perfect face for it.

Although, in many ways, that's what makes it so complicated.

Although, perhaps when things are as significant as Tibet,

Always a pleasure.

Alzheimer's or no, I image searched Susan Bailey

Am I still standing in barefaced awe of the majesty of our democratic system?

Ame, hi. What's going on?

Amen to that, brother. This place sucks.

Amex gave me this crazy new card that's made out of black metal.

Amy with a Y. Which is correct.

Amy, Amy, I just need to talk to you for one second.

Amy, did you need me for anything?

Amy, I know the last couple days have not been ideal.

Amy, I need to talk to you for a moment.

Amy, I respect the sanctity

Amy, I thought you were talking about the recount.

Amy, if you had rented me a Sebring, yes.

Amy, is there any sign of the Eagle or is he crossing America on a lawn mower?

Amy, it's probable that your investigation

Amy, please don't swear like that in front of the kids.

Amy, set it up. Sue Bailey, the Reno Star, everything.

Amy, this is really bad.

Amy, what are your top five favorite De Niro movies?

Amy, you got to sort all of this out, okay?

Amy, you know that you are very important to the campaign, right?

AMY: Hey, guys, watching the press conference?

AMY: Turn on CNN, ma'am. It's on right now.

AMY: Well, that's clearly a vote for Meyer.

Amy! Jesus.

Amy's dad: So what is this Tom James guy like?

An electoral college tie or talking to a girl.

An estimated one million people are anxiously awaiting

An exercise book.

An historic day for womankind.

An okey dokey, Annie Oakley.

An old crone, Amy.

And a cheese course including Basil Hayden Blue

And a longtime generous benefactor of this unique institution,

And a new soap.

And a very important part of my administration.

And accept my offer of the vice presidency.

And address the nation as president for the first time.

And after I'm done dick slapping him,

And also for tax evasion.

And an engine assembly plant in North Carolina.

And apparently she has decided to bring them herself.

And Arkansas.

And as for you ladies, this is DC, not Miami.

And as per usual, we raised the issue

And at 6:00 P.M. tomorrow,

And B B Benny and the Jizz.

AND B: what the fuck does that even mean?

And becoming the goofy Paul Simon to my angelic voiced Art Garfunkel.

And between you and me,

And Brattleboro, yeah!

And by the way, your banner makes it look like your name is Jon H. Ryan,

And cannot be rushed.

And certify the count as it stands.

And Chi Jang, he is a proud, stubborn man.

And clear.

And dazzle some of these armadillo fuckers with my political star power.

And debate for hours on end.

And discuss the estate and how you fit into all of it.

And drive safe.

And even perhaps Norway.

And even though, and I quote,

And even when we did, I was just kind of going through the motions.

And every day you have to do the one thing O'Brien can't do.

And everything else you're supposed to care about.

And fed it to him through a straw.

And five really hungry people, so I'm gonna need you to be really quick.

And Gabby Ramos doing press in Carson City

And get him to take you to the southeast gate.

And get some wood to start a fire?

And give you guys a little background on me.

And giving it up to come here? Thank you.

And gone on to do great, great things.

And harvest vegetables like corn, zucchini.

And have it fly up tubby's dick.

And have them built in your district.

And he also said he'd kick you off the ticket.

And he no longer needs a script.

And her family will spend tonight at Blair House.

And her team in Nevada right here.

And here we go, Eagle, your new nest.

And his eyebrows.

And I almost hired an Iraqi war veteran.

And I am confident...

And I am offering you a job.

And I am ready to do whatever I need to do to help the team.

And I asked myself some tough questions...

And I can count on your support, can't I?

And I definitely want to bail out Wheelright.

And I don't know about you,

And I don't know if you're sick of it,

And I figured you could use it to sign important peace treaties

And I grew up right here

And I had sex with your sister.

And I have to say you were wildly out of line.

And I have to tell you, it is a pleasure to watch those people eat.

And I just don't know how you want to handle that.

And I just want to let you know that I,

And I know that you think that I'm funny

And I love your district.

And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked

And I noticed it, so I confronted him with the evidence.

And I promise I won't let anyone get away

And I really want secretary of state.

And I said maybe you'd remember better if I fuck your brain through your ear hole.

And I see a rainbow of faces, you know?

And I think we've got to get this meeting going, don't we?

And I thought I had seen everything,

And I took stock

And I want to be your congressman.

And I want to wish you a merry Christmas.

And I want you to please relay my thanks to him.

And I will see you tomorrow night, right, Tom?

And I wish that Mother were alive

And I won't back down. Thank you.

And I worked a very high level, important job.

And I'll be honest with you. I don't think you're being honest about being honest.

And I'll be using a Groupon.

And I'll look 10 years younger.

And I'm afraid I need to listen to my conscience.

And I'm exceptionally glad

And I'm funny, ha, ha, ha. Well, at least I cared.

And I'm gonna shoot you in your fucking mouth.

And I'm happy to say

And I'm really excited to start this conversation today.

And I'm turning it into a sanctuary for rescued farm animals.

And I've been talking to somebody in the NHL

And I've got my eye on a graphic novel

And if I do win, I will have my administration

And if I may also suggest

And if I need more clothes, then I'll have you or Mom send them.

And if there's a discrepancy of more than 1%,

And if we do nothing?

And if you do happen to find as much as one new vote,

And if you ever need anything international.

And if you listen to me instead of your only two brain cells

And in that, we are all blessed.

And interview requests and, you know, et cetera, et cetera.

And is prepared to meet their demands for industrial metals

And it sparkles like we hope

And it was me. I called her a cunt.

And it was used by FDR

And it won't affect our relationship one way or another.

And it's also close to Asia,

And it's also the kind of job

And Jonah's running for Congress in New Hampshire.

And longtime political ally Andrew Doyle.

And Maddox is flying in tonight.

And made me realize what an idiot I was being.

And mark my words, the president will end up atop the leaderboard

And may God bless America.

And may God bless the United States of America.

And moments before you're about to come

And Mother wasn't feeling well.

And my family's life happened when the House of Representatives

And my mother was actually my grandmother.

And neither does Mike, who would be outraged by this.

And nights rated PG squirteen.

And now by me, Mother, your daughter.

And now our gift.

And now they are discussing how casually you are dressed.

And now you have to excuse me,

And now you're trying to fuck me again tonight.

And now, let us celebrate

And O'Brien just issued a statement.

And of course Amy Brookheimer.

And off brand cough syrup.

And on board that plane are the so called baby lamas,

And once you're all done with them, I'll move in

And one cream.

And one that I hope gets struck from the Earth

And one that'll only earn you respect.

And our president can't make a statement without a paper bag on her head.

And piss in Caesar's fountain if you want.

And running my own little multibillion dollar hedge fund.

And see if he thinks blaming China is a good idea.

And shake it to death like a Guatemalan nanny.

And she is legit fuckable.

And she obviously did not recognize you.

And she said, Her Majesty thought perhaps you would like to see her crown.

And she's got your balls in her hand

And she's greeting a very attractive stranger.

And she's willing to reconsider a full pardon

And she's working your shaft just the way you like it.

And some other little special ingredients

And squirt a half gallon of ropey jism

And stock market patsy, that's pretty disturbing.

And Susan Bailey with the Reno Star.

And Ta da! We went with a Winnie the Pooh knockoff.

And take off those fucking glasses.

And tell me about your job history and we'll go from there?

And thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work

And that is what you attempted to do last night.

And that is why we have to stop

And that was Jonah Ryan.

And that's all in just 10 months in office.

And that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt.

And that's you, peanut.

And the CDC is reporting a few more cases

And the director of the Secret Service is waiting to see you.

And the Las Vegas Gazette stopped publishing in 2007.

And the market is so overmargined, blammo.

And the Queen of England...

And the tea is cold.

And the toll just went up.

And then as her organs begin to fail...

And then coming upon her holding a cardboard sign

And then fuck off so Ezra can slide right in.

And then get his buddy Marwood to make sure there's not another vote.

And then give him any kind of cancer. I don't care.

And then I think we lose three or four states in Congress just like that.

And then I'm gonna have the IRS crawl so far up

And then it turned out to be the 12 loneliest months of my life.

And then someone must say this is unprecedented.

And then that's it. And it works, too, sweetie.

And then the president of France, okay?

And then to put a fucking cherry on this shit sundae,

And then we can throw one of those blankets in there.

And then you can land Air Force One on the Strip

And then you pour it out, okay?

And then, poof, they're gone.

And then, uh, I walk out.

And these things, like you, are doing nothin'?

And they decided to convert the whole thing to an eco resort.

And they make a different decision and then it completely derails

And they swear by it for skin problems and migraines.

And they're, you know...

And this additional wine, also from a local vineyard

And this is a piglet.

And this is Ellen,

And this is her special friend Marjorie.

And this is my fat johnson and you can suck it

And this thing here was already hard mounted.

And this will be the new love palace.

And though this tie may be frustrating,

And to me.

And to my absolute delight, he said yes.

And to my delight, he said yes.

And to the American people who supported me

And travel here to be with

And turning it into some Club Med for goats?

And used the old two fingered wood chipper.

And volunteers for the Meyer and O'Brien campaigns

And was on the wait list for a liver?

And we are going to bail out Paulsten Berheim.

And we can't have any more gaffes.

And we couldn't get it off, remember, because you put it on wallpaper inexplicably.

And we had to throw the turkey in the trash.

And we move this great nation forward.

And we need housing for all the volunteers.

And we want to know what you think about it.

And we'll go live to Nevada where armies of staffers

And we'll shove his ass out somewhere over Oklahoma.

And we're gonna win in Peterborough and Keene

And what's it to you? I think it's time to wake up.

And when I stuff you back in the toy box to let Ezra lead,

And when I'm president,

And where exactly in Ohio are you from, Laura?

And why I've had to be incommunicado for the last few days.

And won't you give my regards to your wife?

And would be an asset to any administration.

And would you please, please try and keep it clean?

And yet he's responding.

And you are Sargent Suck It Shriver.

And you can be happy just thinking about him, you know...

And you can tear them a six pack of new assholes.

And you can't say Meet the Parents 'cause that's automatically number one.

And you changed your eyelids. You had oculoplasty.

And you close it down tight and you take that box

And you had that "Free Tibet" sticker and you put it up on the wall

And you have a meeting with Olympic medalists in five.

And you have my word.

And you know why. Because fundamentally, people hate women, right?

And you need to know which hand to put the glove on.

And you shove it way back here in your...

And you take both your palms and you place them

And you're a sloppy weekend drunk. Now get with it.

And you're gonna look like a hair sprayed asshole

And you're out of here. You can go.

And you're supposed to give her advice?

And you've fallen 20 points behind the Widow Sherman.

And your mother decided to leave the bulk of her estate to Catherine.

And, by the way, by messing around with that pretty boy

And, Catherine, do you remember that Brazil hotel chain?

And, ladies and gentlemen of the press,

And, of course, with the presidency vacant,

And, oh, you changed your hair.

And, respectfully, I am declining.

And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape.

And, you know, he had his bow tie

And, you know, why things didn't work out between me and Jason.

And... caught you.

Andrew, I'm a woman of my word

Andrew, you know that we're at a funeral, right?

Andrew.

Andrew.

ANNOUNCER: ...Sherman claims she's for New Hampshire...

ANNOUNCER: Judy Sherman claims she's for New Hampshire,

ANNOUNCER: On election day,

Another 60 cases being reported

Another day wasting taxpayer dollars.

Any chance Marjorie and Catherine want to get married?

Any chance we can switch those?

Any more of this amazing Chinese gum?

Any news on Creaky McGee?

Any news on Sherman?

Anyway, after that, you know, I went to Arizona to a spa

Anyway, listen, can you just talk me through this procedure one more time?

Anyway, there is no easy way to say this,

Apparently most of them are military absentees.

Apparently they shut the turbines off if the wind speeds are too high.

Appear in this or any other film

Approaching that.

Are considered a sexual prize.

Are descending on the desert to monitor and manage the recount.

Are the funniest kind of natural disasters?

Are there any pictures where the president isn't yelling at me?

Are they gonna get put away or something?

Are we done, sweetie?

Are we paying you by the word here, Kent, or what? Ben?

Are we praying, ma'am?

Are what my friend Katie Gross likes to call fakakta.

Are y'all Christians?

Are you even getting any of this?

Are you here selling a young adult fiction idea, too?

Are you kidding me? Did you take a shower at least in between?

Are you Nadia in this situation?

Are you really ready to take a bullet for the president?

Are you sure you don't know where the hard drive of my film is?

Aren't just vegan, we're raw vegan

As a person in politics who's younger than most of her... cut, cut.

As director of communication, I should have been alerted to this.

As far as I can tell, no such picture exists in the known universe.

As far as treating my staff, I try not to act

As I feared, the Chinese are responding to your threat of sanctions.

As if the Vanderbilts had any money left.

As is customary, President Elect Montez

As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie

As long as you promise not to put your dirty gay mustache on it.

As most of you already know, Congressman Harry Sherman passed away today

As much time as possible, so whatever you could do

As part of this historic agreement.

As smooth as possible

As the President of the United States.

As the vote got closer,

As they bring in people, you get a piece of that.

As to the secrecy of this trip

As vice president.

As we are all local friends.

As we begin our service, we will now hear from her daughter,

Asked me to speak to everyone about a certain matter.

Asking Bob and finding out what Bob thinks.

Asks you on his deathbed...

Associated with the Chinese state sponsored

At 8:20 this evening, the Widow Sherman conceded.

At a most inopportune moment.

At ABC News and picking up some Advil?

At each of today's programs,

At least that's what I'm gonna have to tell everyone.

At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb,

At some point in the near future.

At that point, 5% of the precincts will be selected,

At the bottom of a highway exit ramp.

At your inauguration.

Attach it to the leg of a carrier pigeon,

Away from the greed, the money, and the hookers.

Baby doll, she was brain dead.

Back it up.

Bailouts are not on the table.

Be right back.

Be the first woman elected President of the United States.

Be the president. It is imperative

Because Amir Al Khabat and myself, we follow each other on Instagram.

Because for me with my schedule and life.

Because he knows the rules aren't being respected?

Because he thinks you're gonna win Nevada.

Because I can get you to a shelter.

Because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time...

Because I happen to believe in something called public service.

Because I'm repulsive both in appearance and manner.

Because I'm so bad with keeping secrets.

Because I've been doing this since before your mother

Because if it is, you should just come out and say that

Because if the President of the United States

Because it is seriously just one fuckup after fuckup with him.

Because it means that his vote for President Meyer is legitimate.

Because shooting stars burn out and he never will.

Because someone called POTUS a cunt in Politico?

Because technically he'll be an elevated vice president.

Because the American people, they'll accept it in time.

Because the North Koreans are people like us.

Because the signatures didn't match the voter rolls,

Because they are always a part of us.

Because they are always a part of you.

Because they find you odious.

Because they should not have let an article

Because they're a sneaky bunch of fucks.

Because this pimple isn't getting any smaller.

Because we've already tried one and she fucking sucked.

Because when you have found someone you love,

Because you need to rush to your mother's bedside.

Because you wanted to be a step closer to the presidency

Because you went to a mental hospital.

Because you work with them,

Because you're a bully and Jonah Ryan stands up to bullies.

Been there, got fucked by that.

Before heading to the inauguration.

Before I ran for Congress, I was a stay at home mother of six.

Before it was actually painted red?

Before we begin, I would love to define a few key terms.

Before you ask, there are no updates on Nevada.

Before you jam it in the back door?

Before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus.

Being called upon to cast this vote

Believe me, if you say SeaWorld to Catherine

Ben will keep the offer straight.

Ben, I would have you to the table, but my wife,

Ben, tell Amy what a great job that she's doing.

Ben, this is real. The whole room was sniffing around Cuntgate.

Ben, you home.

BEN: 23 messages?

Ben: Mr. Vice President.

BEN: She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.

BEN: We've got Hallowes, Bennett,

Besides, for anyone to beat the widow, they're gonna have to fight dirty

Between Senator Bill O'Brien and the sitting president Selina Meyer, my mom.

Big shoes. You know what that means, right?

Bill, hi.

Bill. I thought you were in the...

Bleh. Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something?

Bob Bradley, my old mentor.

Bob Bradley. Nice to meet you, sir.

Bob knows there wasn't a Chinese hack.

Bob, are you okay?

Bob, I am going crazy here in DC.

Bob, I didn't know you were still here.

Bob, oh, God, I hope I'm not waking you.

Bob, thank you so much.

Bob, what do you think? Are we gonna win this thing?

Bob! Oh, my God. Jesus Christ!

Bob? Are you all right? Can you hear me?

Bordello Bill is giving me advice.

Boss boots, boss.

Bradley.

Breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning.

Breaking news out of Nevada.

Brilliant, handsome, wife's a solid eight.

Bring me a change of clothes and come and get me.

Brooks Brothers sews prenups into all our suits.

Bump. How about that?

Burns way more calories. I am at 22 flights today.

Busy butt fucking each other somewhere in the vast expanses of your misshapen skull,

Busy day. Three people fired from the communications office.

But after stabilizing the economy,

But anyway, sir, how can I help you?

But aren't you cutting down the rain forest in order to build the resort?

But by God, they respect him.

But can you remind me exactly what happened

But doesn't it just come up as unlisted?

But don't tell him why.

But don't you think that mudslides

But ever since your mother's health setback was announced,

But Ezra's currently serving in Afghanistan.

But feel free to follow along on the television

But first, let us pray.

But Fox says it with blonder hair and bigger tits.

But he's a crook.

But he's a decent guy

But he's in jail for child ****, so maybe not the first choice.

But I actually do think we need to get some wood from outside

But I did not like that he was next to that guy.

But I get the general idea.

But I have to balance that against my need not to do it.

But I have to be here, sweetie pie,

But I killed it last night, right?

But I kind of like your thing better to tell you the truth.

But I made sure he had nowhere to sit.

But I sound like Kent, so...

But I think it's going to be worth it, don't you agree?

But I think maybe we should start making our list

But I'll tell you something, I have lost elections.

But I'm afraid I have to go and attend to

But I'm assuming by then I'll be coupled up.

But I'm going to be purchasing a book of poetry

But I'm gonna guess that it has the word anal in it.

But I'm happy for you.

But I'm taking these guys straight to a petting zoo

But I've done some deep soul diving

But I've got some interviews lined up.

But if I'm gonna cross party lines in order to hand you the presidency,

But if Tom James wins,

But if you don't press charges, he's gonna kill you someday.

But if you insist, yes, I will stop by the hotel.

But in exchange for easing the economic pressure,

But isn't it far worse to adhere to an arbitrary deadline

But it tastes like a ham?

But it took an electoral college tie

But it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know?

But it's cold and gals tend to nip out.

But it's enough already with Mike.

But it's the first Thanksgiving since Mee maw's gone.

But it's the right bank to bail out, right?

But it's very confidential, okay?

But Jesus Christ, Jonah, you grew up here. How do you not know this shit?

But just out of curiosity,

But let me cut to the chase.

But like you said, it's not up here, it's what's in here.

But my boyfriend's not a billionaire.

But my date is running late.

But my joints, they're very swollen.

But my mom did everything she could to get them back on track.

But my teacher was a fucking bitch.

But Nelson is your protégé, man.

But not down is straight up for us at this point.

But not the fact that you wanted to fuck me?

But nothing a little ice won't fix.

But numerically greater outpouring...

But she did seem excited to help the campaign in whichever way she could.

But she doesn't care because she's too busy

But somehow we're the losers doing anal with each other?

But somewhere along the way,

But still counts as a sign of the apocalypse.

But stupid also, like a Chinese Mr. Bingley.

But that night ended in an historic electoral college tie

But that was overshadowed by some terrible news.

But that's not the way I showed you to do...

But that's obviously not a reason to replace him.

But the good news is that you're only three points behind Jon H Ryan, whoever that is.

But the insensitivity shown by Senator O'Brien

But the one thing we will not be sharing this holiday

But the position has been filled.

But the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you.

But then again, I grew up in Mexico.

But then no one wins, you dumbass.

But then sometimes his body is too big for his head.

But there it's just an accident.

But there's a little piece missing.

But there's no way around my doing

But there's something I want in return.

But they didn't exactly hack my Twitter account.

But they got his name wrong. They spelled it incorrectly.

But this is the actual closet where Warren Harding

But this is the White House mess and to be in here,

But through it all,

But unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer.

But we're doing a whole dinner at her house.

But we're in love.

But what could O'Brien offer him that's better than the vice presidency?

But what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

But what is the one thing that they cannot take away from you?

But what you're gonna need to do is let him get a word in.

But when your husband of 47 years

But with you it's something different.

But you are her mother. You did not stop her.

But you got to get out there and make a name for yourself.

But you have a lump on your left testicle.

But you know what? Before we do that,

But you would be a lock for, like, mid 40s.

But you're getting the declining?

But you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat.

But, I mean, if you had a gun to your head...

But, with all due respect, Madam President,

Buttfucker, that's me.

Buttfucker.

By joining your administration.

By new developments in the state of Nevada.

By one of my favorite African American poets, Wanda Coleman.

By piling sediment from under the sea...

By the Meyer Postal Commission.

By what happened to the first responders in New York.

By what the NSA has come to believe was a hack

Call a doctor and call my mom.

Call all friendlies. Let's slow this thing down.

Call Jonah right now and tell him to vote for O'Brien.

Calling the president the C word.

Camp David is where President Eisenhower came

Can anybody get in on this Brazil thing?

Can hear you and your twink army in here cock scraping each other's esophagi?

Can I borrow somebody's phone? I have to check on Buddy.

Can I bum a piece of gum?

Can I have a few minutes of your time in the Green Room?

Can I just say how much I appreciate

Can I not have just one minute to enjoy this?

Can I really blame another country

Can I speak to you for a second?

Can I talk to you down here just a minute?

Can I trouble you for another cup of coffee?

Can Montez look less Hispanic?

Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter?

Can somebody reach around the back of Kent's head and power him down?

Can we expect a stimulus package?

Can we give them farm subsidies?

Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am.

Can we...

Can you believe this shit?

Can you confirm the allegation of the firing

Can you fucking believe that?

Can you go any faster?

Can you just let me hold on one quick second?

Can you just stay?

Can you please just get off of me?

Can you send Gary up here, please? Yeah, thank you.

Can you translate "we need to get a new translator"? (LAUGHS)

Can't argue with that. Maybe you should run for Congress.

Can't believe how many compliments I'm getting about the hot list.

Can't even see the guy that Jonah's yelling at.

Can't milk it! I don't even know what that means.

Can't tell the difference between Treasury Secretary

Can't you do two simple things at once?

Cancel it and see if you can get your money back.

Candi Caruso would not eat this amount of shit.