The Trip (2010) Edit

A big block of ice, say, a kilometer thick,

A bit like, you know, James Bond ordering a martini.

A bit of food sees that, he goes running towards it.

A bit of phone sex?

A bit weird.

A British Don Quixote.

A ha!

A ha!

A ha!

A ha.

A little amorous.

A little bit further.

A movie where De Niro and Pacino

A saddle of Nidderdale lamb with mutton pudding.

A stately pleasure dome decree

A sunny day in England with a fried breakfast.

A warrior that came...

About 10,000 years ago.

About their breakup,

About who I've met before and who I haven't,

Absolutely superb.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. That's just fantastic.

Actually visit them?

Again?

Ah, I might be. Hmm. Yeah.

Ah, marvelous.

Ah, now we glimpse the real man.

Ah, oh, no, let's not.

Ah, you know Sally and Chloe.

Ah, you saucy boy.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Alan Partridge.

Alert the authorities.

Alex James said he celebrated his 20th birthday with alcohol,

All of her Ss are high.

All present and correct.

All right, but don't do it as Roger Moore.

All right, I would do it like this.

All right, listen, love you.

All right, talk about some of the characters.

All right, two.

All right, you're a good bloke.

All right?

All right?

All right.

All right. All right. Jesus Christ.

All right. Don't talk.

All right. Here we are.

All right. Okay. See ya, Dad.

All right. Thank you. All right, love. Bye.

All right. Well, I'm going that way.

All right. Yes. Thanks. Bye, baby. Bye, bye.

All the brothers want a piece of Coogs.

All the brothers, my man.

All this was formed in the last ice age,

All you can do is do something someone's done before

Along the banks of crystal Wharf.

Along the west bank of Windermere.

Although a very hard rock,

Although he made me laugh and made us all laugh, I think,

Although, I admit,

Although, I admit...

Always leave at daybreak.

An illness the child would recover from

And a bathroom.

And a chocolate and caramel tart.

And a lot of the people that are thought of as great had...

And a spiced cauliflower.

And again I hear these waters

And all I ever wanted to do was blow the bloody doors off.

And another Fricker sister living here, plus the children,

And become a prostitute?

And chew my bone.

And croque monsieur.

And go up the B6255 to Hawes, right,

And have a little look at the cottage.

And he has asked specifically to come up and take 25, 30 minutes

And he said, " I wish I'd gotten hold of Steve Coogan

And he will get back to you as soon as he can.

And he won't come back with his man in a box,

And he won't go to school.

And he, uh,

And he's been really ill this morning,

And helped us avoid confronting the harsh realities

And helped us avoid looking at the brutal reality

And how long will that take?

And I don't remember meeting them,

And I shall bed down here with a rock as my pillow,

And I still don't know any.

And I thought she could help me,

And I wanted to show Mischa the...

And I'd sleep there very happily.

And I'm gonna come up with her tomorrow, so you'll see me then.

And I'm not gonna do the HBO pilot.

And I've not eaten a single thing.

And I've not had, gosh, quite such a substantial brew.

And it is incredible.

And it was on a land mass called Avalonia

And it's got the face of Michael Sheen.

And just get every little bit out of my teeth,

And just pressing my head onto it.

And learning how to get mobility again.

And let me say this.

And like lollipops,

And my child being healthy, I would absolutely, you know...

And now I'm going to kill some **** under the floor.

And now, from one of Rob's very closest friends...

And of course, they've dissolved into the width

And older women just 'cause, you know,

And parsnip coulis

And photographs. Tremendous.

And physically.

And pitch some of my ideas, and it was really good.

And possibly his bedroom as well.

And show us on the map what the route was,

And sleep well.

And such small portions.

And that it would lend a poetic, romantic frisson

And that will propel you.

And that woman, in all fairness, is probably bereaved.

And that'll take us almost all the way to Cartmel.

And the acid derives from the water,

And the brandy don't... let me finish...

And the features that we're looking at,

And the lamb to follow. Thank you.

And the lollipops are made out of duck fat with peanuts.

And the next "do" is an octave up.

And the soup.

And the wives as well.

And then and only then, sire, go thee to bed.

And then cut down through Oughtershaw,

And then I'll have the pigeon as the main course.

And then on the M56, M6.

And then quickly say hi to my parents.

And then the cod. Lovely. Thank you very much.

And then when I did get off,

And then, then, I... I...

And then, yeah.

And there's a short drive on the A59 to Clitheroe.

And there's a small fee, which I'll split with you 60 40.

And they always say something like,

And they say, you know,

And they want to work with the genius.

And this local barmaid as my duvet.

And thus in joyous mood they hie to Bolton's mouldering Priory.

And we rise at just after day... 7:30, so just after daybreak.

And we'd all follow it, you know?

And we'll have some fun time together, yeah?

And what else? What else babbles?

And when it's not done well, it's very frustrating.

And world famous Malham limestone pavement,

And yet, you know, right now, we're in a warm period,

And you can look at my live video to prove...

And you know what he's doing.

And you sound a bit like Billy Connolly.

And you're in a place, it puts great pressure on your family,

And you're, like, some guy who's, like,

And your chocolate dessert is a warm chocolate fondant,

And your nose is through the gap there like that.

And yours is the nicest.

And, yeah, it's all right.

Anthony Hopkins.

Any award, anything like that.

Anyone ever asks you to go on a haggis hunt,

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Appendicitis.

Are running a celebrity magazine.

Are you all right? Oh, that's all right.

Are you his assistant or...

Are you ready to order?

Are you sad not to be in the picture?

Are you seriously saying that you think the North of England...

Are you seriously saying you were abused as a child

Are you Steve Coogan?

Are you sure?

As a bloody fool.

As a rule, it's more effective if you don't fluff the line.

As I've told you many times before,

As mine.

As sort of a Richard Burton type character.

As stunningly accurate.

As the king of understatement.

As well as a light, creamy horseradish sauce.

As well as baby Jerusalem artichoke.

As well as shredded radishes

As you can see, the sun is now on the other side of the...

As you... look, look. Look how much... look.

Associate that kind of music normally

At an Endeavor meeting, and someone brought my name up,

At dinner parties.

At some of the funny, pithy one liners

At the bottom of those little sacks,

Aye. That was my doing, that was.

Be careful what you say.

Beautiful room.

Beautiful, isn't it, eh?

Beautiful, yeah.

Beautiful, yeah.

Beautiful.

Because behind every little, pithy, vaguely amusing joke

Because he just doesn't listen to me at the moment.

Because I want to take in Bolton Abbey

Because I'd rather have these moments of genius

Because if he is an actor, in Spain, they dub the films,

Because it goes from the terrible to the wonderful.

Because it's late.

Because it's not a problem

Because no one will give those roles to me.

Because sometimes you tend to sort of,

Because that's the very thing I don't do.

Because that's what they were taking at that time,

Because they remember meeting me,

Because we thought we could make love in the bed

Because we're on a break?

Beep!

Beep!

Before he started going on about daffodils.

Before to be garnished with a shredded local seaweed.

Before we went on this trip.

Behind you.

Being cooked in your own juice.

Belonged there. Belonged there.

Between three, it's terrific.

Bit of the Shackleton...

Bloody hell. The waiter could play it.

Blue cheese.

Bob Balaban said, " Never be hot. Always be warm."

Bobby Moore. Dudley Moore.

Both: # About things we've gone through #

Both: # Building me a home #

Both: # Does it feel the same #

Both: # Figured it made sense #

Both: # I've played all my cards #

Both: # No self confidence #

Both: # Out on the wild and windy moor #

Both: # Playing by the rules #

Both: # The winner takes it all #

Breakfast.

Brother Rob? Don't call me Brother Rob.

But a lot of them... seek out aggravation.

But also for the man inside,

But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

But do it better or differently.

But don't you find all that exhausting at your age?

But equally, you couldn't play David Frost.

But he can't, 'cause he's brown bread.

But he might make a mess."

But he wrote the lyrics from her point of view.

But how well are you gonna play it?

But I assume it would be something along the lines of:

But I don't think... I don't think it was as accurate

But I have a wonderful range.

But I just don't know any.

But I really... the thing is, is it an actor?

But I think that when you have a headstone

But I thought she was very unreasonable.

But I tolerate him.

But I'd be safe in the knowledge that I could do that,

But I'll let it go.

But I'm only saying that because it's you.

But it's 500 years in the past,

But no penetration.

But not sexually.

But now to bed, unless you are one of those people, like me,

But of course, let's not remember a man who was lost,

But remember, death is but a moment.

But that has changed, and I say that over the years...

But that's not a problem for me, why?

But that's the blink of an eye.

But the features on the surface are, indeed, very famous indeed.

But the phone reception sucks.

But there were more than talks about talks.

But there'll be affection there.

But there's gonna be another ice age very soon,

But there's something very different about it.

But they want to do it with you, okay?

But this was actually formed about 10,000 years ago

But to be young was very heaven."

But would have some discomfort.

But you give me all that.

But you see...

But you wouldn't be able to do it...

But you've got to rein it in during the week.

But, you know, I can't really enjoy it.

But, you know, the gesture is the important thing.

But... I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest.

Buzz. Yes, you can.

By a priest.

By doing impressions

By doing silly voices constantly and not confronting the truth.

By just traditional glaciation.

By some of the broadsheet newspapers.

Bye bye.

Bye bye. Bye bye.

Bye, love. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Thanks.

Can go take a look at Dove Cottage.

Can share. That's all right.

Can there be any more chocolate?

Can we book another room?

Can we have a knife for the butter, please,

Can we use the sat nav tomorrow?

Can you do that today?

Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me, Greg?

Can you say good bye to Dad?

Can you... can you talk to Joe?

Can't. I got a thing. But...

Careful, you were going to Jimmy Saville then,

Catherine manages to put me on the back foot from "hello."

Check on two covers, lunch menu, please.

Chocolate tier, chocolate Neapolitan,

Christ.

Coarse base stuff, it dissolves in weak acid,

Coens, calling up.

Coleridge left quite quickly after he moved here,

Coleridge was a poor sleeper.

Coleridge. The opium.

Come back. Wait, come back.

Come on, let's get in.

Come on. Let's head on up.

Come, come, Mr. Bond,

Come, come, Mr. Bond, you derive just as much...

Come, come, Mr. Bond. The winner takes it all.

Come, we shall walk together.

Compared with our good departed friend Rob Brydon.

Concerned about his behavior at their house,

Constructive fun time, all right?

Corrosion.

Could I have the scallops to start, please?

Could I interest you in some rather salacious sort of...

Could you sign this for him?

Couldn't cope with the domesticity of life.

Course I would. Course I would. Yeah.

Covered with a very smooth duck foie gras mousse.

Cowardice is a lifetime of affliction.

Cracking idea.

Cracks in the rock as it lithified.

Cremated him.

Crikey. Crikey. Crikey. Gosh. This is excellent.

Cru?

Cruel, but, I don't know, compelling, I guess, is...

Curled up in his own shit.

Cut to the chase. Cut to the chase.

Definitely.

Denmark. Yeah. I don't like the Danish.

Depends what it is.

Desperate to be taken seriously, aren't you?

Desperately trying to legitimize his life

Did you cement Anglo Polish relations?

Did you not sleep well or something?

Did you?

Do not sleep with my sister.

Do they accommodate you here, or do you have, like...

Do you find as you get older...

Do you find it exhausting looking after a baby?

Do you have... Do you know him in Poland?

Do you know the Abba song The Winner Takes It All?

Do you like taster menus?

Do you like that racist generalized interpretation

Do you mind excusing me?

Do you try for those roles?

Do you want one?

Do you want to have a run, sire, in the morning?

Doctor comes in. Off to hospital.

Doctor Who? What, is it the baddie?

Does he fancy you?

Does that mean you've been with other girls

Does this look good?

Dogs and me.

Don Coogan.

Don Quixote. Yeah?

Don't do that. That's very funny.

Don't know why I'm telling you.

Don't know.

Don't make her like the chef from the Muppets.

Don't make me wait.

Don't say "ah."

Don't touch her.

Don't worry about that.

Don't you ever get cold being bottomless?

Down the B6160 through Kettlewell,

Drinking the wine makes me feel quite sophisticated.

Duck fat lolly. Well, why not?

Dudley and Peter. Peter and Dudley.

Eastern European waitresses up there.

Eh, best actor, Steve.

Eh?

Emma, listen, I'm at the inn at Whitewell.

Enjoy your starters.

Enormous green quaver.

Even though it was meant to intimidate me.

Even though it would be fantastic if you had,

Ever worked with Michael Mann?

Every day I'm there!

Every time I look at that, I want to...

Everybody wants to work with you.

Everything's all right?

Everything's beautiful.

Everything's exhausting at our age.

Everything's exhausting when you're past 40.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Excellent. Let's move on. Good.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Exhausting for everyone.

Fantastic. It's fascinating stuff.

First one, pigeon, lamb encore,

Five summers with the length of five long winters,

Five years have passed.

Followed by duck, lamb encore.

Followed by the lamb.

Food gets stuck in your teeth more?

For a nice ramble, Lyn,

For knowing your children would live a happy, long...

For L'enclume, and basically, with L'enclume,

For me, I was quite withdrawn also.

For the rivers to find a way through.

For the soundtrack for this landscape.

For tomorrow we rise at daybreak.

For work. I just told you.

Four bodies in a morgue. I'm out there every fucking day.

From killing as I do?

From some of his very good art house films

From there, it's a very short hop to Whitewell.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Fwah.

Gentlemen, have you decided what you'd like?

Gentlemen, to bed, for at daybreak, I will...

Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at 8:30 for 9:00,

Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at 9:30 on the dot.

Gentlemen, to bed, for we leave at first light.

Gentlemen, to bed, for we rise at...

Gentlemen, your wines.

Giles Coren in The Times.

Give me a ring, and we'll, you know, we'll get together.

Glorious.

God, you know what?

Going on about the French Revolution.

Golly, that does look nice.

Golly. Thank you.

Good evening.

Good films.

Good, isn't it?

Good.

Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good. Yeah, great.

Gosh, to curl up in my basket

Got an iPhone app with that on it now.

Got you a set of crampons too.

Gravity? Where do you stand on that?

Great, so they're beautiful

Great.

Great.

Grew up in the East End of London,

Growing up in New York, and I never thought, you know,

Ha ha. Hey, Matt. How you doing?

Ha ha. It was a hell of a laugh.

Ha ha. Very good.

Hang on. Wait. Wait. Wait. That's not it.

Hang on... a stronger identity than Wales?

Has come down... several octaves.

Have fun.

Have I told you this?

Have you been doing drugs?

Have you been here, around this area for a while, or...

Have you noticed as you get older,

Have you seen Rob Roy? Liam Neeson in a kilt.

Have you... you haven't separated?

Haven't launched it. About to launch it.

He came back, though, didn't he?

He can just go...

He could have turned down the award.

He could have turned down the Oscar if he refused to accept...

He could not realize all"...

He found it very difficult.

He found it very hard to be creative.

He gets very, very specific. It's very like that.

He is a general lover of art and science."

He is brilliant.

He mentioned cooking in their own juices.

He might as well be the guy who comes and does his boiler.

He says... and I learned this, right?

He was a big druggie.

He was drinking last night.

He was his usual self.

He was Swedish.

He wasn't in Abba.

He would come out with on Radio 4 panel shows,

He would have definitely partaken

He would have loved this."

He would, like... probably had opium in here maybe.

He wouldn't have been having a spliff, would he?

He's getting a bit out of hand.

He's got an ironic dessert.

He's interested in the story I did about the bikers

He's living at the council estate

He's not brilliant; he's good. He's solid.

He's probably wearing the crampons now.

He's under there now.

He's up the side of the wardrobe.

Heading towards...

Heat.

Hello, hello, there's method in my madness.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Her name's Yolanda, by the way.

Here we are. The Yorke Arms.

Here we go.

Hey, are you all right?

Hey, calm it down. All right. Sorry.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, it's me!

Hey, Joe, it's dad.

Hey, Joe. It's Dad.

Hey, listen.

Hey, Rob. Steve.

Hey, wow.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Emma.

Hi, Emma. How are you?

Hi, is that Greg?

Hi, Matt.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

His 30th with drugs, and his 40th with food.

His name is William.

His usual self.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hoo.

Hope you get reception again sometime soon.

Hopkins, Sheen, Brydon, Burton,

Hotter than I was expecting.

How are you?

How come you've left your black pudding?

How far are we gonna go?

How long have you known him?

How long?

How's Mischa?

How's work? Anything coming up?

Huh?

Human history has been recorded for, what, 3,000 years?

I always think of Coleridge

I am glad you didn't. I admire your restraint.

I am the scallops.

I beat you. I beat you. I beat you.

I called you four times last night.

I can feel my legs. It's a miracle.

I can... you know, if you ever want to see

I can't do anything when you're stuck over there,

I can't get the image of snot out of my head now.

I can't go fast, because Michael Caine...

I caught your work the other day.

I chose a voice to suit the mood.

I could come as well if you want.

I could hire a team of scuba divers to retrieve them,

I could see you perhaps branching out

I couldn't get off 'cause of the food,

I dare say you'd throw away all your awards if it...

I did strain. I did strain.

I directed the whole movie in one go.

I don't believe that you really believe

I don't care what they say about you.

I don't care.

I don't chase them.

I don't dislike it, but I'm never sure about it.

I don't even know what it is,

I don't know how much an octave is.

I don't know why...

I don't know, but I see a guy with something stuck up his ass

I don't know. Five. Five.

I don't know. For a laugh.

I don't know. Maybe before my time maybe.

I don't like being away from you.

I don't run around and chase girls.

I don't run around and go to parties.

I don't think I could muster more than a thimbleful.

I don't think I'll talk to you later, but at some point, okay?

I don't understand that.

I don't want to do British TV.

I don't want to listen to you all the time,

I don't want to listen to you all the time.

I don't work with mainstream Hollywood directors.

I felt Sir Ian, coming, as he does, from Bolton,

I find the song quite moving.

I find the view is very important.

I get a call from P.T. Anderson. I get a call from Wes Anderson.

I get it when I'm stressed.

I give a little wave to you.

I got to go.

I got to have her on the front page right now!

I got to tell you, you're a terrific actor.

I guess I got in at, like, 3:00 or 4:00 maybe.

I guess just a little seating area there

I have a grandson, and he loves that tiny man...

I have owed to them in hours of weariness...

I have owed to them in times of weariness sensations sweet.

I have plenty of self confidence.

I imagine it is.

I just imagined myself pointing my knife upside down

I just like to...

I just naturally don't go to it.

I just never figured I would, you know, and...

I just said, seriously, I don't mind sharing a bit.

I know it is.

I know it's not gonna happen.

I know that that means it's good.

I know that.

I know, honey.

I know, it would have been great,

I know.

I know. I know.

I know. I know. He is, and by default, you are.

I know. It's magical.

I know. That's why I asked you.

I let him off the lead, as it were.

I like him a lot."

I like that as well.

I like the way you laugh at that

I like your work.

I love Mischa, and I want to be with her,

I mean, I was... [stammering]

I mean, I'd be happy to sleep here.

I mean, I'm 41.

I mean, if it was a choice between winning an award

I mean, look, that is incredible.

I mean, Michael almost doesn't have to say the words.

I mean, this is kind of, sort of, you know, outdoorsy.

I mean, you seem to know each other quite well.

I mean... I have to...

I meet women. I charm them. I seduce them.

I met some amazing people, and there's lots of interest.

I met the, um, the editor of Esquire,

I might just, like, tickle you with a knife.

I might stick to the bottom of your pan later.

I miss it. I really miss it.

I need a photo exclusive of Katie Price having a botox.

I never smoked.

I never thought you'd tell me to shush.

I normally go to the toilet.

I play for Benny and Bjorn.

I played Dustin Hoffman.

I pulled you.

I ramble through the hills and occasionally

I ramble.

I refuse to accept that I'm better than Jack Lemmon,

I said, " Knowing my ex wife,

I saw a place when I was coming, very nice.

I say that he used to talk like that.

I sing it for queen and country.

I sometimes get, like, a fluttery heart,

I spoke to your mum.

I suggested he try heroin.

I suppose, you would describe it.

I take a toothpick, go to the toilet,

I think anyone over 40 who amuses themself

I think both Newton John and Coleridge

I think he's, you know, he's interesting.

I think I would like to be buried,

I think it almost is more beautiful in the mist.

I think it does.

I think of him with both a smile

I think of you, and I just let him free.

I think that might be the key to your condition.

I think the answer's probably I still wouldn't, probably.

I think the North had...

I think the pork belly made me a little...

I think three days should be the maximum

I think we should go with that.

I think when they're good, they're really good.

I think you could play it. Of course you could play it.

I think you strained a little bit.

I thought he'd be perfectly suited for here.

I thought it'd

I thought there should have been two rooms booked.

I thought we'd go M1, M6, come off at junction 31,

I thought we'd go up to Dunsop Bridge,

I thought we'd try and avoid the A roads, right,

I thought you said you were going with Mischa.

I thought, " Crikey, is that it? Is it game over?"

I tilt at them.

I told you, I went to this, uh, magazine party,

I told you.

I use my tweezers for this.

I want it now.

I want to be in films,

I want to do mainstream movies.

I want to get back in daylight. We'd better make a move.

I want to see a tree.

I was a daydreamer.

I was having awful dreams, really bad dreams.

I was just with some friends. You know, it was only a drink.

I was reading his poem called The Pains of Sleep.

I was thinking I could take the photographs up in the hills.

I was up there.

I was watching the television in my room, and I said,

I wept as I had been a child."

I will have the rabbit, please,

I will honor you and the restaurant, sir!

I will honor you, sir!

I wish I was. I know the weather is.

I wish you were here.

I won't go into detail,

I wonder... that's autistic savant.

I work with auteurs.

I would happily throw all my awards in a river,

I would just love to do a costume drama in these hills,

I would literally be a man in the box.

I would never do that.

I would remind you of the time I had a Red Bull and Coke.

I would...

I wouldn't have had you down as having a four wheel drive.

I wouldn't wear that in the hills.

I... yeah.

I'd be happy if you, you know...

I'd be there. I'd be there. I'd be at your funeral.

I'd ever become a great comedian, you know?

I'd have to ask Sally.

I'd have to me more, like...