Superhero Movie Edit

A bike messenger knocked me down.

A costume.

A device that can alter DNA

A guest of honor...

A gym teacher.

A single drop is enough to arouse any animal.

A special and indeed often overlooked...

About time you got home. Your aunt was getting worried.

Actually, I'm worse than a nobody.

After all the parenting you've done,

After all these years of marriage.

After all, it could be dangerous,

Ah, Lucille!

Ah, the rituals of manhood.

Ah, yes, Lance told me Rick Riker was your neighbor.

Ah! No! Ah!

Aha!

All I can tell you is this:

All of our animals are genetically engineered

All right, all right, how about this?

All right. Well, there is something, okay?

Allow me to show you the future.

Amen.

An innovation... thank you...

And a good man you are

And a Hooters.

And a powerful new pheromone which drives animals to mate

And as long as there's crime and injustice

And each of them has...

And her unending love.

And here we've injected the DNA from all three species

And his father's before him.

And I can prove it. Show the world

And I can't even fly.

And I'll tell you what it is.

And maybe your father shouldn't have given you this after all.

And Nelson Mandela. Nelson!

And nobody messes around outside their group, man.

And now I'd like to show you our crown jewel.

And now the eulogy.

And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina.

And please, no flash photography.

And restore the body to perfect health.

And the back nine is what killed.

And then there's all the sex.

And there's not gonna be bitches, okay?

And this is my school.

And this species of dragonfly

And tomorrow we'll circumcise you.

And use them to advance the common good.

And we found your costume in the garbage outside.

And you have a bruise on your neck.

And you have a cut on your lip.

And you will.

And you've always had a tiny penis.

And your time is up.

Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone's ever said to me.

Anything to be a better person than you are.

Apparently not invisible enough.

Are a little sensitive to light.

Are held to honor the greatest achievements

Are spending Thanksgiving with us.

Are you fricking insane?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Aren't you going to do something?

As of this moment, I have one hour left to live.

As your city dies.

Attaboy.

Aw, man.

Back up off those pills, Barry!

Bad news, boss. We're nowhere on those Dragonfly photos.

Be careful not to hurt the ones you love.

Because he can do this.

Because of you, our city is safe at last.

Become a hero... train yourself to fly...

Belongs to all of you.

Blaine's voice: People will look to you to be a hero.

Breakfast, Rick!

But don't forget to feed the fish.

But don't worry, we didn't remove your penis.

But even if I wanted to stop the Hourglass,

But I am not depressed, because I have the gift of knowledge.

But I just don't have the time.

But I love you like your father did.

But I want to be a dancer.

But if you want to be a virgin for the rest of your life...

But none of them more important

But now more than ever, I realize...

But otherwise okay?

But perhaps there's someone inside me.

But remember, to get to you

But she barely knows I exist.

But the disease has ravaged my organs.

But the life of this company.

But there's only six in there.

But this should take the edge off of it.

But what about this?

But what if my heart is telling me to be with someone

But which one?

But with no job, no credit history,

But you have to keep it a secret.

But you know what? Who cares?

But you said the Hourglass was going to kill thousands of people.

But you should all be happy with your lives.

But your uncle believed in you and so do I.

But, like any story worth telling,

But, pumpkin, I don't see nobody.

Called compound H2O9.

Cerillium.

Claim your...

Come on, let's go!

Come on, that crew stuff isn't real.

Come on. Hey, it's me and you, baby.

Come out with your hands up.

Could send him spiraling right back into a coma.

Crazy is hearing voices, talking to cats,

Creates quite a bond.

Dad!

Damn it! If only I could fly.

Damn!

Damn!

Damn! Look, there go Prince Charles.

Damn. Those were tomorrow's lead.

Dating Paula Abdul.

Destiny.

Did it work?

Dig it out with another piece of glass.

Do I get to thank you?

Doctor, how is she?

Doctor, please. Is my uncle gonna survive?

Don't tell nobody.

Dr. Whitby. What brought you here today?

Dragonfly, you must stop the Hourglass.

Dragonfly!

Dragonfly!

Dragonfly. So what's your power?

Dude, I'm so psyched for this class trip.

Dude, you're like a real superhero, man!

Dude, you're like a real superhero, man!

Duty, commitment, bravery, justice,

Each year the World Humanity Awards

Earn it, Rick. Be a hero.

Easy money.

Ever since Albert...

Ever since I can remember I've been in love with her,

Everybody stay down! Stay down!

Everybody, take your seat.

Evil never triumphs, Hourglass.

Fight fight fight!

First my parents and now this?

Five days.

Follow me...

For example, this dragonfly's skin

For his company's pioneering work

For the school newspaper.

For too long we've sc****d out profits from pills and injections.

Forget it, Dragonfly. You're too late.

Forget it. You'll think I'm crazy.

Frankly, Mr. Riker, you're the worst applicant we've ever had.

Frodos,

Genetic modification's at optimum levels!

Gentlemen, I think it's time we made some personnel changes.

Gentlemen, if you're ready,

Get a blanket or something! Holy shit!

Get in! Yah! Yah!

Get out of the way!

Get out of the way! No brakes!

Get... get off me!

Give me five minutes.

Give me your wallet.

Go ahead and throw as many punches as you want.

Go ahead, explore.

Go to her, stupid.

Go. Be a hero.

God, Lucille!

God, you are so supportive.

God!

God! You idiot, stop!

Goodbye...

Got that new sandwich from Sony in my backpack.

Gotcha.

Grace, and her limitless beauty...

Great responsibility?

Hamburgers can see the future!

Hang on.

Has a hard, armor like exoskeleton

Has enormous strength for its size.

Has he... has he ever asked about me?

Hawking's lab is in the physics building.

He can't... he can't even fly.

He did?

He didn't save anyone tonight.

He doesn't want any boy near me.

He weighed 130 Ibs.

He'll land on his feet in no time.

He's a visiting professor at Empire City University

He's in a delicate mental state. The slightest bit of bad news

He's not... I have... I have... I have just a... I have...

He's still so troubled.

Hello, Rick.

Helping others, Rick,

Here we go. Nice and easy.

Here we have children who can walk through walls.

Here... take a drink.

Hey, anyone want to get high?

Hey, babe.

Hey, check this out.

Hey, I was in jail too, man.

Hey, Storm! You look like you putting on a little weight.

Hey, that's my spot.

Hi, birdie.

Hi. Hi.

Hide the body. Yeah.

Him.

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.

Hold up the douchebag! Hold up the douchebag, sir.

Hourglass, you'll never get away with this!

Hourglass: Your time is up!

Hourglass!

How could you do this to me? To your kids?

How could you take her from me? I can't live without her!

How could you?

How did you do that?

How do I know that baby's even mine?

How you breathe in it though?

Huh?

Huh. You'll never understand me.

I am so proud to welcome Dr. Stephen Hawking.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am the Hourglass!

I am the Hourglass.

I award Lou Landers douchebag of the year.

I believe in you like your father did.

I believe in you.

I bet you 100 bucks you don't land one.

I came as soon as I heard.

I can fly, okay?

I can fly.

I can't be with?

I can't fly.

I can't.

I can't. You're kneeling on my balls.

I cannot walk and I use this computer to speak.

I could just walk right in.

I could've stopped that guy before he shot my uncle.

I didn't ask for any of this. I just wanna be like everybody else.

I do have this coupon for a cremation.

I don't believe you.

I don't care what happens anymore.

I don't know what to do, Aunt Lucille.

I don't know.

I don't know. I... I was bitten by a dragonfly.

I don't know. Is he the right one

I don't love you.

I don't need help.

I don't see how that's my problem.

I don't see how that's my problem.

I find that hard to believe.

I got you a seat down here. What's...

I guess we're gonna have to share.

I had sex with your mother just like your father did.

I have a disease that has paralyzed me.

I have no idea, Lucille.

I have taught him everything I know about being a man.

I haven't had sex in years.

I heard you were auditioning for a part so...

I hope this isn't too much of an imposition.

I know exactly what I want.

I know I said some things,

I know.

I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace page for her

I lost six tigers alone last month.

I love the mask.

I mean, she's with someone else.

I mean, where's he gonna find thousands of people in one place?

I need you to yank this off.

I need your help to figure out who it is.

I really need that car.

I see your wrist is bandaged.

I see. Ye... well, yes, I understand.

I started it to help people

I swear to God. They get dumber and dumber every year.

I think I have... superpowers.

I thought he was out. I'll go check on him.

I thought you'd live forever.

I told him, "The thing about Jill is...

I told him...

I told you I'm no hero. All right? Aunt Lucille's dead,

I understand.

I want that story on my desk or you're fired!

I want to change things.

I want you to know what a joy it will be

I was gonna stick with bitches,

I was wondering if you've got a job opening for...

I will forever be a superhero...

I wish I could say the same for Lance.

I wish I could stay longer, Dragonfly.

I wish I knew love like that.

I wish I'd never been bitten by that stupid dragonfly.

I wonder if my skin is...

I wouldn't know where to start.

I...

I...

I... I guess. If I hadn't pushed her out of the way,

I'll be right down!

I'll call y'all back. Everybody, bye.

I'll drive.

I'll drive.

I'll fight you to my last breath.

I'll find a place to park.

I'll get the tweezers.

I'm afraid I have to say no.

I'm afraid you have to kill each day

I'm afraid your aunt's taken a turn for the worse.

I'm Dr. Strom, head of the research department...

I'm everywhere, sweet cheeks.

I'm fine all by myself.

I'm gonna have to whip your ass.

I'm gonna show you something nasty I downloaded.

I'm impressed. Like really impressed.

I'm looking seriously out over the city

I'm losing patience, Dr. Strom.

I'm no superhero.

I'm nobody!

I'm not crazy. I'm a visionary!

I'm not here to fight you. I've got...

I'm not rubbing your crotch.

I'm not wearing any diamonds.

I'm nothing but a screw up.

I'm on fire!

I'm really going through a tough time right now.

I'm so happy that you and your boyfriend

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I forgot. Your weakness is you can't fly.

I'm sorry, Lance. We have to go.

I'm sorry, there's been a terrible mistake.

I'm the Dragonfly.

I'm the editor in chief! I know the mayor of Venus!

I'm this guy.

I'm truly sorry, Rick, but there is a silver lining.

I'm very good at keeping secrets.

I've been fighting it for years,

I've got some hash with me.

I've rejected the only girl I've ever loved

I've reviewed your request for a loan, Mr. Riker,

I've waited long enough for this egomaniac.

If I can have your attention.

If I could just tell her how I feel.

If I die, I die happily in your arms.

If there is one lesson my life can teach,

If you could excuse me.

If you knew how to take care of your man,

If you were ever lucky enough to be with her,

In a young man's life.

In the field of feminine hygiene

Integrity, brotherhood,

Into seven new genetically enhanced

Invisible Girl?

Is for the medical breakthrough of the year.

Is that you do it for the best of reasons.

Is there a problem, Lance?

Is with these dragonflies.

It can lift vast amounts.

It flew away.

It is that the spirit is stronger than the body.

It looks like you're planning a mass murder.

It takes you an hour to pee.

It was getting stuffy in here.

It was on sale.

It's a happy ending for us all.

It's a strong sexual attractant.

It's all about a girl.

It's important that you...

It's just Thanksgiving is for family.

It's like we first met.

It's never too late to become the person you're meant to be.

It's not just any guy. It's the...

It's not my weakness.

It's not working! Get the fire extinguisher!

It's okay. We were hoping someone would open a window.

It's so late.

It's so unfair. They have nothing.

It's the Drag...

It's tragic to think this is the last time

It's useless to resist.

It's working.

It's worthless. Invest heavily in Enron.

It's your nephew Rick.

Jesus!

Jill Johnson.

Jill, trust me. I'm telling you this for your own good.

Jill!

Jill!

Jill?

Job?! How dare you come in here and ask me for a job?

Just heard on the scanner, some kind of police standoff at Empire University.

Just like your mother!

Ladies and gentlemen, our first award

Lance is the only family I have.

Let go. Let me go.

Let me through. Let me through.

Let's go get some dinner. I'm buying.

Let's hope you're not violently murdered too.

Let's see. There are mood swings, fluid retention,

Like Sneezo.

Like the sands of time I am unceasing and relentless.

Like Wolverine.

Listen, about what happened at school this morning, I...

Little fly.

Look at the words your ancestors inscribed in that ring.

Look at you... eating junk food,

Look look. Let me show you something.

Look, I need to buy a car.

Look, Rick, I already told you...

Look.

Look.

Loose fitting pants, cheap internet porn."

Lucille! Snookie lumps!

Lucille's voice: Keep your identity a secret, Rick.

Ma'am, look out!

Ma'am...

Make a costume, shithead!

Maybe even a stagehand.

Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a hero.

Maybe if you had a partner.

Maybe one day you could take me for a ride in your car.

Maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe you're right,

Me too. My parents, they want me to go to college,

Met a girl on Craigslist.

Met a guy on Craigslist.

Miss Johnson. Please, excuse my nephew's poor manners.

Mister, please stop!

More than it's body weight.

Most of our students are born with their powers.

Mr. Adams, you have a visitor.

Mr. Landers!

Mr. Riker. So...

My balls!

My brother Albert will take you in.

My crackpipe broke.

My eye!

My eyes are burning.

My God.

My name is Professor Xavier,

My nurse is a lesbian, and not the hot kind.

Never been fully tested. If something should go wrong...

Never!

Never.

New antibiotics, advanced pesticides

New job? You didn't tell me.

Next time I hurt you.

No no, I'm a man of peace.

No, get away!

No, I don't think so.

No, it's about this girl...

No, it's all right. It's a normal emotional reaction,

No, not me.

No, of course not.

No, you listen to me!

No, you're just on time.

No!

No.

No.

No. No problem, Uncle Lou.

Nope, just never met the right woman.

Not as valuable as mine, Mr. Carlson.

Not that girl.

Not till we say grace.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Now I'm never gonna know the secret to becoming a superhero.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to perform a breast exam.

Now that's photography.

Now the Hourglass could be anyone...

Now this book may explain what's happening.

Now what? Now how about that, Invisi bitch?

Now, sir, here you go. This is my bill.

Of course, Lucille.

Oh fuck.

Oh God, it hurts. It hurts.

Oh my God!

Oh my God.

Oh no.

Oh well, I'm sort of the Dragonfly's unofficial photographer.

Oh, come...

Oh, Dad.

Oh, glass in my eye. Glass in my eye!

Oh, God. Mr. Landers!

Oh, hey, I made the same mistake before when I came in.

Oh, I forgot to tell you I kinda invited my uncle.

Oh, Jill.

Oh, Mr. Landers.

Oh, no problem. I'm waiting on Rick, anyway, so...

Oh, of course not. There's always room for one more.

Oh, Rick.

Oh, shit.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, thank God. I thought something terrible had happened.

Oh, they're beautiful.

Oh, you will, dear.

Oh, you're so pretty.

Oh. How long was I asleep?

Oh. Lovebirds.

Okay, I come back.

Okay.

On behalf of all humanity.

Once a month you'll bleed from you vagina.

Once you understand the true nature of heroism,

One day, Rick, people will look to you to be a hero.

One of the guests here is the Hourglass.

Or am I just dating him to rebel against my father?

Other mutants you probably didn't know existed,

Our most promising research

Our only rules: Don't feed the animals

Our students here learn to harness their incredible talents.

Our work with these animals has helped us develop

Ow ow.

Pea...

Peace!

Perhaps one day, you could be part of our family too.

Plasma level is steady.

Please start, everyone.

Please stop! I'm begging you!

Please, enjoy the tour.

Please, sir, if you could just wait a few minutes...

Please, you're busy. Allow me.

Poor thing's so tired.

Puberty is a difficult time

Push your lids with your fingers.

Pussies!

Reach into my coat pocket.

Read about the Dragonfly, world's greatest hero.

Read all about it.

Remember, no bad news.

Reporting here live from the Empire City convention center

Rick has been supporting me with his new job.

Rick Riker. You're not Blaine and Julia Riker's son, are you?

Rick walked off a class trip.

Rick, I have something for you.

Rick, I want you to know

Rick, I'm so confused, and yet...

Rick, listen.

Rick, once you understand the true nature of heroism,

Rick, please!

Rick, the hero's path is dangerous.

Rick, the money, it's all yours now.

Rick, this is Professor Xavier.

Rick, you, uh...

Rick!

Rick?

Rick?

Rick?

Rick?

Rick.

Rick.

Rick.

Rough day, huh? Well, I won't lie to you.

Rubbing my crotch under the desk won't change my mind.

Run!

Running this company without you in the way.

Self esteem, low prices, affordable housing,

Sell all shares of a small company called Google.

Seriously, she hangs out with the popular crew,

Shat my pants.

She already has 40 friends.

She can't speak, she can't walk, she had no control over her bowels.

She is this man's wife.

She means a lot to you, doesn't she?

She not even looking at you.

She would've die... ah!

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Shit shit shit shit.

Shit!

Shit.

Shut up! You're plotting to kill all these people

Since your wife's dead,

Sir, the core is overheating.

Sir. Sir, the machine's

So that...

So this is the lair of the Dragonfly.

So you do have superpowers.

So, Professor, about this secret...

So... you know the Dragonfly?

Some faces may be familiar,

Some of our genetically engineered animals

Some, like you, gain them later in life.

Someone in this auditorium is the Hourglass.

Someone threw up on a hot sidewalk.

Someone who will, at any cost, survive!

Something just doesn't seem quite right with him today.

Something locked away deep inside.

Something secret.

Son, is something troubling you?

Soon as I get this up on YouTube.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry to drop in uninvited.

Sorry, my bad.

Sorry.

Stop right there, Landers.

Stop!

Stop! Stop the bus!

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Hey!

Strom, do you have my test results?

Students, this is Lou Landers,

Super dragonflies.

Sure saved us some time.

Sure, you're a little older.

Take a look.

Take enough roids, you could do anything.

Take him down.

Teenagers. I'll talk to him.

Tell her how you feel.

Than the attendees of the World Humanity Awards.

Thank you for that warm welcome.

Thank you for the call.

Thank you so much for inviting us, Mr. Landers.

Thank you, Dragonfly.

Thank you.

Thank you. Upstairs, second door to the right.

Thanks for the loan, Mr. Thompson.

Thanks, Trey. You're the best, man.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That I can look upon my wife's face.

That isn't what your parents wanted for you.

That isn't what your parents wanted for you.

That ring was my father's

That the material is see through, right?

That too.

That was last month.

That was the most beautiful thing

That was the principal.

That will not only save my life

That's a lie. I think about suicide every day.

That's for making me look stupid.

That's it. And roll your eyeball around.

That's odd.

That's the thing. I don't know if I can.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's what makes you a real hero.

That's why he installed the electrified fence.

That's... that's awful.

The Amalgamated animal genetics lab.

The armor you're hiding under these robes.

The Dragonfly can't even fly!

The foremost scientist in the world.

The future of science

The hell it ain't. Look around, Rick.

The hero comes from within.

The other coat pocket.

The real prize is the total cure.

The rest is in Latin.

The Scarface society...

The secret to becoming a superhero.

The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.

The two of us against the world. You hear me?

The woman, Lucille Adams of East Empire City,

The world's most prestigious leaders to Empire City.

There was nothing you could've done.

There we go. Awfully nice of you to help me out here, Trey.

There's not enough time.

There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?

They cut through diamonds.

Think of any number between one and a million

This all looks so delicious, Lucille.

This area is where we keep our livestock.

This Dragonfly, he's not even a hero.

This gala event is expected to draw

This is a good boy. There must be something I could do.

This is a robbery! Nobody move!

This is the chief of police. We have the building surrounded.

This is your wife.

This just in:

This little visit is just to show you

This man isn't who you think he is, he's the Hourglass.

This may be nothing, but I did see a man

This may be the wrong book.

This new promotion's proving quite popular.

This year's lifetime achievement award...

Those are Celine Dion lyrics.

Thousands of other people I plan to kill.

Time to go.

Titanium blades.

Titanium blades. Looks like someone found your weakness.

To defend against...

To live each day.

To the girl I love, did you?

To your newborn baby?

Today you have your first beer,

Tom Cruise is dead.

Truth is, I'm a nobody.

Tutu.

Uh, I'm gonna take a picture of her

Uh, it's easier than it looks.

Uh, no no no. See?

Uh, okay, fine.

Uh, yeah.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... he did it.

Uh... whoo hoo.

Um, yeah.

Uncle Albert!

Uncle Albert! Just try to breathe.

Under "crazy shit machine."

Unless you had some cerillium.

Visionary scientist and C.E.O. of Amalgamated.

Wait a minute. That's somebody else's aunt.

Wait!

Wait. Wha...

Watch where you're going in slo mo, dipshit.

Watch, Dragonfly,

We about to see some real serious cutting edge shit.

We are delighted to have as guest judge

We are gathered today to say goodbye

We can never be together.

We could be a team!

We did cut your testicles off, but, well,

We don't need so called superheroes.

We gonna get fame, money...

We have children who think they can walk through walls.

We have Rick to thank for it.

We have to abort!

We only have 50 stories left.

We plan on using it to breed endangered species.

We share the building with a mental hospital.

We were wondering where you were.

We'll need photos. Kid, I want you to...

Wearing fake beards,

Welcome to Amalgamated.

Well, an old guy did get shot over there.

Well, good thing that worked.

Well, I said...

Well, I should go.

Well, I'm just a businessman now.

Well, I'm not a betting man, but if you want to put some money on it,

Well, if you could spread... spread them with your fingers.

Well, maybe that's for the best.

Well, okay. I guess.

Well, one missing dragonfly is the least of my concerns.

Well, Rick, did you enjoy the opera?

Well, some dragonflies have armored skin.

Well, that shortcut through the playground...

Well, that's what I do here. So if you're not moving,