The Wedding Ringer (2015) Edit

A fucking priest?

A kid goes to Cornell University.

A priest in the military. Yeah.

A temporary stay of the ban.

A very dark past.

About wanting to start a family,

Actually, I, uh, don't think you're going to be

Adolf Hitler once said...

Afraid of getting your asses kicked by some old timers?

After they did it, they started to

After you.

Ah.

Ah. I said I'm not going to do it. (SNIFFLES)

Ahhh!

Ain't nobody gonna mess up this shit.

All I do is go from job to job,

All right, guys, listen up.

All right, guys. This is for Dougie!

All right, I'm going to wait for you outside.

All right, look, vato, weddings are just overblown parties

All right, Tonto. Do you want to see real?

All right. I like it.

All right. Let's go over some of my packages.

All right. Thanks.

All right. What is happening here?

All that stress you've been feeling.

All the room stood still. I closed my eyes and I reached out my hand,

All they could see was my eye pupils.

All things considered, not that bad for a Shotgun Intro.

All those things that you said about him, those incredible things.

ALL: (CHANTING) Fletcher! Fletcher! Fletcher!

ALL: (CHANTING) Nadia! Nadia! We got through this already.

ALL: ♪ It's that time in your life

ALL: ♪ Maze! tov!

ALL: ♪ My, my, my, Delilah

ALL: ♪ You light that shit up

ALL: Ohh!

ALL: To Dougie!

ALL: Yeah.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Alone? No. I run a very profitable business because of guys like you.

Am I a loser?

An Army guy that's the best man

And $300 cash.

And a Bible that was signed by Cardinal Enders.

And a smile on his face

And after a while I just figured,

And as I look at you tonight, Gina,

And by dark, of course I'm referring

And chicks dig the uniform shit.

And don't even get me started on the salad dressing.

And Doug can give me that kind of lifestyle.

And enjoy the cake.

And from there is when I was traveling,

And he ****d a lot of men in there. Yes.

And he's giving hopeless angels hope.

And he's giving small, little, black,

And his beautiful new bride.

And hunt bullfrogs and...

And I am marrying her.

And I don't know, ever since I lost my family,

And I got you something else.

And I have never met him, okay?

And I hired him to be my best man

And I knew at that moment

And I know that because you've told me

And I look over and I see the bride. She's got his arm, Doug.

And I remember asking him,

And I remember squinting because

And I said, well, put the money in the bag.

And I see Stu.

And I swear it was like slow motion.

And I wept. But they weren't tears of pain.

And if someone asks you who said it,

And if you croak within seven years of said wedding...

And in all the other pictures,

And in less than two weeks?

And in return, I got a soul.

And it was so sad, Doug.

And let's bring this shit home.

And mashed potatoes and vegetable medley.

And may God bless whoever else is on this.

And on our third date, she said something

And preconceived notions that originated in childhood.

And she doesn't know this yet,

And she was pretty.

And spilled it all over my lap.

And that's the brilliant philosopher, Ira Drysdale.

And that's when I knew that we were soul mates.

And the salad dressing is great,

And then one day I ran into her, and it was just different.

And then perhaps some dessert.

And then, we ship Father Bic: off to his untimely death.

And this Filipino exchange student.

And we still have so much to do.

And we're singing to the tune of

And when his parents, Merle and Irene,

And when I finally opened my eyes, I saw Jesus.

And you asked me to pull off a miracle.

And you played the violin until you were 19 years old.

And you said how pretty you thought

And you'll drop me off back here...

And you're asking me out on a date?

And you're gonna offer him nachos?

And you're sure I'll get laid? Yes.

And your best man's name is Bic Mitchum?

And your first dance will be to what song?

And your Party Trick Distractions.

And, uh, I just want to say

And, uh, I look up,

And, um, Chris has been like a brother to me.

And, you know, I made the all campus team a couple times in football.

Andrew always believed that the one

Andrew calls my cell phone and he says,

ANDREW: I don't even know what to say, man.

Any random words. Just be yourself, Doug. You'll be all right.

Anybody!

Anything else, Doug? Yeah. Plunkett's got to be in a wheelchair.

Are you all right, sir? Uh huh.

Are you familiar with North Dakota?

Are you fucking serious?

Are you going to chat all night or are you

Are you okay? Yeah.

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Are you still there, Seth?

Are you sure she's 'the one'?

Are you sure she's worth it?

Are you sure that you want to go through with this?

Are you sure you can handle going both ways?

Argh! JIMMY: Listen up.

As a replacement of the shoes

As fun as the one I paid for.

As if to say, Everything was going to be okay.

As long as we pass, it doesn't matter how we do it.

As you can see by my résumé, I've done tons

As you can see in this picture

At A.J. Wilson High School,

At Bardonia Community College.

At one point, the only good vein I had was between my toes.

At the time I thought it was a really smart idea.

Babe, I know you've been really busy,

Baby, what is going on with you? (CLEARS THROAT)

Back.

Balls.

Baseball. And I love women's basketball.

Be a goddamn man!

Be very gentle with my car. I've seen your car...

Because Father McNulty here,

Because he was my principal at Benjamin Rush.

Because I can't go out there and tell the truth.

Because I had no other options.

Because I know that you both have found the one.

Because I'm a fucking priest and I can't

Because I'm calling to see if maybe

Because my friend Bic is not a priest.

Because she's marrying this amazing guy.

Because they said when they turned the lights out in the hallway,

Because this is hot, hot, hot! Okay?

Because what you're talking about

Because who the fuck knows anybody from North Dakota?

Because why? He's overseas,

Because you need Bic.

Because, see, in March... April, I was in the Middle East.

Bic Mitchum can have whatever the fuck he wants!

Bic Mitchum is actually Father Bic Mitchum.

Bic? The Bic?

Bic. Hey, ladies, what's going on?

Big deal.

Bitches, right?

Blow me, kid. Oh...

BOTH: ♪ Near, far... ♪

BOTH: Motherfucking Bic Mitchum.

Breathe, Doug.

Brentwood? Biltmore. Hal Lane Orchestra.

Bring him to lunch tomorrow. Are you crazy?

Bring him to lunch with you. No!

BRONSTEIN: Doug and I met at Camp Wampacheempi.

Bronstein.

Bronstein. ...is Japanese.

Bud, are you waiting on me? Yeah. Yes.

Burn this.

Business skyrocketed.

But at least you have Doug. True love conquers all.

But he's still with us.

But I am still missing the groomsmen's information.

But I am willing to make the necessary sacrifice

But I don't know. I think I'd rather speak from the heart.

But I just want to say that you have put on

But I promised Marci I'd get out of the game.

But I think we can all agree that in this shot,

But I was actually calling because

But I... Tonto.

But I've got to say, they're really good guys.

But it's good to be one of the guys.

But it's okay. Rest assured,

But let me say, that was a hell of a tackle for a tenderfoot.

But nobody here really gives a fuck.

But now I can see it's going to upset you. A fucking priest?

But our wedding is in 10 days.

But she never gave me the time of day.

But she's going to be my wife.

But that day when I woke up face down in that snowbank,

But that's not real.

But the article says this will enhance

But the doctor says she's going to be fine.

But the Lord says, Don't judgeth upon what happens,

But there's so much going on.

But we wrote you a little ditty. (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

But what happens upon what can't be judged.

But what I need to know is if you're going to catch the goddamn ball.

But you at least look normal.

But you cannot hide a bad dancer.

But you know how guys are.

But, after Father of the Bride came out on DVD and Blu ray,

But, babe, what about you? Who's going to be your best man?

But, see, Andrew's a bit more rational than me.

Bye, sweetie.

Cabo, Cancun, spring break? You've never done anything like that?

Call me Bic, please.

Call me sometime. Maybe we can catch a Dodger game.

Can I do my Cockney accent?

Can I give you the dates?

Carew, you're a podiatrist in Knoxville.

Cheers, my friend.

Chinchillas.

Chris and I, you know, we did stuff together.

Christ, somebody just shoot me. I'll be outside.

Clever. No, it wasn't.

Clients sometimes blur that line.

Climbing the glaciers

Come here, you little shit. Wait!

Come on, Doug, get up. Good D!

Come on, I'll teach you some basics.

Come on, kiss her goodbye.

Come on, man. You're better than this, Reggie.

Come on, we're getting too tired. Up. Yes.

Come on, we've got to go.

Come on, what are you doing, Lou? LOU: No guts, no glory!

Come on, you lead.

Come on. Let's go get you married.

Come on. We've a lot of work to do.

Compliments are for women, questions are for men.

Compliments are for women. Questions are for men.

Cool fucking pretty that's. (CLICKS TONGUE) Whoa!

Could fall for a yutz like me.

Could like me.

Crystal meth. I'm not sure if any of you guys can relate to it.

Cuss around your family, Doug. Fuck!

Da da da da!

Dad!

Damn it.

Damn it. I was going to keep this a surprise, but...

Damn. You're trying to smuggle

Decided to make it an MMA blood sport.

Dickerson, you're a lounge singer from Canada.

Did you mean what you said back there?

Did you see their faces? They were smiling.

Did you take one of those pills Plunkett was handing out?

Did you touch my dick? Okay, I'm sorry.

Didn't you meet Bic at that... I met Bic?

Direct from women's unreasonable fantasies

Divorced, no kids.

Do I wear a fucking cape? Bic Mitchum?

Do not touch. (LAUGHING)

Do that'll okay.

Do you have a distraction

Do you have any idea what you're asking for?

Do you have something, maybe, a little less harsh? 'Cause he's like...

Do you have to hit every single meter, Lou?

Do you like the Dodgers?

Do you remember how good you felt the first time you did this?

Do you supinate or pronate? What?

Do you take credit cards? Oh, no, I only take cash.

Do you think that each and every single one of them

Do you want some nachos?

Do you want some weed?

Do you want to trade?

Do you, Douglas Ephraim Ben Lazar Menahem Harris,

Do you, Gretchen Palmer,

Dodger game is code word for fucking.

Does anyone else feel really fucking gay right now?

Does he have three testicles? Yeah, I've got three.

Does that mean you don't want my money?

Does your foot roll inward or outward? Outward.

Don't do that. All right, relax.

Don't do this here. Don't do that.

Don't feel bad, Doug. She goes through a can of Aqua Net a day.

Don't pin this shit on me. REGGIE: Hey, hey, now.

Don't talk to Jimmy like that.

Don't tell policy on child molesting?

Don't you rip that paper up. You never do that.

DORIS: Alzado, you're a computer programmer.

DORIS: Drysdale, you teach philosophy

DORIS: Garvey, you're a botanist.

DORIS: Gentlemen, in these wallets,

Double check your measurements and perfect your PTD's, guys.

Doug and I have been through a lot together.

Doug Harris, right? Uh, yeah.

Doug Harris. You know, Doug Harris.

Doug is a good guy, he's good family material.

Doug is smiling,

Doug was there waiting for me with a huge hug

Doug, don't move!

Doug, get off of me. OTIS: Man, your father in law hates you.

Doug, in the future, if somebody asks you something

Doug, nine days ago, you came to me

Doug, what are you doing?

Doug, you have to calm down.

DOUG: (ON PHONE) Sweetie.

DOUG: But Bic's still in...

DOUG: Can we discuss the rules again?

DOUG: Fumble!

DOUG: Get me out of the car.

DOUG: He's in a wheelchair!

DOUG: Hey, Dad.

DOUG: Hey, there. We've got a bit of a problem.

DOUG: I, uh...

DOUG: I'm not strapped in!

DOUG: I've got to get to a hospital, guys.

DOUG: Now, is this guy also a pro? Yeah!

DOUG: Oh, he will be. Mom.

DOUG: Oh, my God.

DOUG: Right. The how where whats.

DOUG: Someone help me! Please, God! Please!

DOUG: Stephen!

DOUG: Stephen!

DOUG: Use random words.

DOUG: Where's Lou?

DOUG: Why are we here?

DOUG: Your friends are gonna be there.

Doug! Doug!

Doug. (GUESTS MURMURING)

Douglas, you can hide a fat ass in baggy pants,

Douglas! Hi! Perfect timing.

Downtown, Millennium Biltmore.

Drysdale, set it off. What time is it?

Dumb? You can't even say Patagonia, you idiot.

Eat American, but prefer cheddar,

ED: Back on your side, loser.

ED: I'm going to tear your head off.

ED: Oh, my God! ALISON: Get something!

ED: You're such a fucking embarrassment.

Ed! Let's go with the Très Beau.

Ed's uncle has a ranch up there.

Eddie. Hey, Eddie, stop. Stop.

Endo, put it up.

ENDO: Dougie Fresh!

ENDO: I can still see it.

ENDO: Oh, he had to lose weight.

ENDO: That's a good question. (ALL AGREEING)

ENDO: We made it! (ALL CHEERING)

Enhanced in a smoky silver tone.

Ever honeymoon best the be to going is this!

Every test that we encounter will be the same, pass or fail.

Every time. Every time.

Everybody is thinking, Why in the hell

Everything is going to be all right.

Except for the fact that you prefer showers to baths,

Excuse me. You got to get going, Jimmy.

Fairy? (GRUNTS) (GUESTS GASPING)

Far sighted or near sighted'? Far sighted.

Father McNulty? Yes.

Father. Okay.

Favorite sport, Doug?

Feelings are irrelevant in the big con.

Filling those pews to celebrate some holy matrimony.

Finished third on the bar exam,

FITZGIBBONS: Go, go, go.

FITZGIBBONS: Gretchen. Yes.

FITZGIBBONS: I just tried to scare him off.

FITZGIBBONS: Oh, God, 72 just bit me! JIMMY: All right, that's it.

FITZGIBBONS: Take his pants off!

FITZGIBBONS: To the house! Don't pop that shit!

FITZGIBBONS: You need this, Doug.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Everyone, please,

For an extra thousand dollars,

For my law school tuition.

For one thing, it looks like the entire cast of Goonies

For the last month rule.

For the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding.

For your safety, no. I would kind of leave it alone.

Freshman year? Your roommate?

From all that goddamn listening.

From Boyle Heights.

From having found my path, of course.

From pulling off a Golden Tux.

From the moment I met you.

Fuck no. That's my sister.

Fuck this, fellows. Shit just got real.

Fuck you, man! No, Bic can't have these...

Fuck you! Wait.

Fucking white people.

Garvey's family owns a blank farm.

Gather around.

Get back there! (THUDS)

Get him to sing it. Come on, white boy. I'm good, I'm good.

Get up, guys. We're about to give these

Get up. Get your ass up. We're going to be late for brunch.

Give me the tablecloth!

Go on, girl. You're good.

Go out here, amuse these old geezers.

God always wins.

God created the world in seven days.

God damn it, man.

Going to come up and sing with us?

Good evening. My name is Bic Mitchum,

Good game, kid. That was a hell of a catch.

Good night, Tonto.

Good one! (ALL LAUGHING)

Good. Yeah, real good. You?

Got it.

Grandma made a full recovery.

Grandma, I've seen your teeth.

GRANDMA: I'm on fire! JIMMY: Oh, my God!

Gretchen doesn't love me. She never has.

Gretchen, how do you like your grandma?

GRETCHEN: At least Edmundo was able to reschedule

GRETCHEN: But our Wedding's in 10 days.

GRETCHEN: Honey?

GRETCHEN: Honey. (GASPS)

GRETCHEN: I told you guys to be careful.

GRETCHEN: I'm definitely going to have Alison be my maid of honor.

GRETCHEN: No. No, no.

GRETCHEN: Those are the strangest group of guys

GRETCHEN: You motherfuckers!

Grew up and became rapists.

GROOMSMEN: ls me and my balls.

GUESTS: Aw.

GUESTS: Aw.

GUESTS: Aw.

GUESTS: Aw. JIMMY: He inspired us all.

Guys, guys, I'm down here. Guys.

Guys, that was so hot. I'm sorry, Doug. It burns!

HAL LANE: Six violins, two violas, two cellos,

Half the team's coming in for the wedding.

Hancock Park, Bel Air, Palisades?

Happy times and sad.

Harvard. I went to Harvard.

Has somebody to be their best man?

Have a nice flight. Ooh!

Have a party trick distraction, do you?

Have each other's backs out there.

Have you ever been to a Dodger game?

Have you guys been drinking tonight?

He also taught us things

He goes, I just got engaged.

He had half his brain removed two years ago.

He has agreed to step

He just broke out of a federal fucking prison.

He knows I'm not Bic Mitchum.

He obviously has way too much time on his hands.

He really sounds like a great guy. Who, Reinsdorf?

He recently confirmed the number

He said it was worth it, though.

He said, Well, I was wrong. Her name is Gina Baker.

He told me he, uh...

He was an international tax attorney, right?

He was hit by a car. What?

He was in Mary's arms in the nativity scene at St. Michael's.

He was standing there with a handful of napkins.

He was stealing ladies' hearts since long before we knew him.

He will not be able to officiate the wedding.

He'll be there.

He's a buddy of mine from Stanford.

He's a priest overseas in the military.

He's going to throw up on the fucking bride.

He's got a dark past, but when you throw a tux on that son of a bitch,

He's up there making sad angels laugh

Headed back to the Middle East.

Hell, yeah. I need to eat some meat, man.

Hello, Doug. Hi. Great to meet you.

Help you with all of this?

Help!

Help!

Hence, Edmundo.

Her old man hooked me up with this job.

Here comes Pupil Jew Jew.

Here.

Here's a fun fact for you.

Hey Hon?

Hey, can I speak to you for a minute? Like, two seconds.

Hey, come on, we have to hammer out this toast, man.

Hey, Doug.

Hey, fat ass, we're going to do your sister!

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Lou, knock that shit off, man.

Hey, hey. Guys, guys. (ALL CONGRATULATING)

Hey, hey. Shut up.

Hey, I'm clocking out. I'm back in the game, baby.

Hey, look at me.

Hey, look, O, it's not like this

Hey, that's why we're here. Groom desensitization, okay?

Hey, this is bullshit, Jimmy.

Hey, uh, do you know where I can find the basement?

Hey, well, don't celebrate yet.

Hey, what are you doing, Fitz?

Hey, what did they say? Is she okay? Is she going to be all right?

Hey, what has gotten into you this week?

Hey, you put that down

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, you son of a bitch!

Hey. Doug's on line one. Something's wrong.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. There will be no trading!

Hey. Who is Jimmy?

Hey. You waited all night for me?

Hi, everyone. Hi. I'm Holly Munk.

Hi! Oh, my God!

Hi. I'm Doug. Doug Harris.

Hi. I've got something to say.

Hi. Yeah, I guess I do have a few questions. Mmm hmm.

Hike!

His family had a wedding planning business

His friendship came with an instant

Hola, Eduardo.

Holiday cards, birthday calls,

HOLLY: What, do you think you're too pretty?

HOLLY: What, do you think you're too pretty?

Holy fucking shit.

Holy shit! There's a gap in the bridge!

Honey, I thought you saw Bic at the Vatican a couple years ago.

Honey, it's my favorite. Please.

Honey, you know this is difficult for me, too, okay?

Honey? Shit, that burns!

How are you doing, Doug?

How are you looking on groomsmen? Not good at all.

How are you, man? Oh.

How did we meet? Where am I from? What do I do?

How did you like them apples?

How do you know Father McNulty?

How does it feel?

How does that feel?

How have you been, bro?

How is it hanging?

How is that a party trick? That's neither here nor there.

How long did we rent the place for'? Sing it!

How many weddings do you think were in the US last year?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck

How this guy saved me in a barroom brawl one time.

How we climbed the Himalayas, how we fished for sharks,

Hurry up, Lou.

Hut! (YELLING)

I actually don't even know their real last names.

I am looking for a best man.

I am marrying a girl who, all my life,

I am so, so sorry.

I am still missing the groomsmen's information.

I asked them if they wanted nachos.

I attend your wedding for the full day.

I barely knew the kid.

I can do it, too. Stop.

I can honestly say that I've never had a friend

I can offer you the Algonquin Ranch.

I can't be there on Saturday.

I can't breathe. Mister, are you okay?

I can't do that because, um,

I can't feel my fucking legs!

I can't go back to jail! I'm tired of fucking dudes!

I can't guarantee that, but I'm quite sure that they will want you.

I can't keep anything down. I keep losing weight. I just...

I can't swim!

I checked the 10 day forecast.

I could have moved there, right?

I could read the part of Rose.

I couldn't believe it. But she's not the one, Jimmy.

I couldn't see a thing.

I cried as if they were my own.

I didn't even know who I was.

I didn't know where I was.

I didn't say it was going to rain. (GRUNTS)

I didn't shoot him. I shot up. That dog is dead.

I didn't teach you that.

I do.

I do.

I don't have a sister.

I don't have any cash. I only have credit.

I don't have the ball! (SCREAMING)

I don't know about the Lord.

I don't know.

I don't love her, either.

I don't need this kind of pressure, man.

I don't see nothing in the package about it.

I don't think so, Pops.

I don't understand why they do these things

I don't want it. Take it.

I don't want to be that guy.

I expect... No, I demand perfection.

I feel like we're not at that level.

I feel terrible.

I got a bad feeling about this flight.

I got a two way call from the big fellow himself.

I got it. There it goes.

I got to do a whole lot more in a lot less time.

I got to go find you some damn friends.

I got to talk. We got to talk.

I got to, uh, hit the office tomorrow. I'm sorry.

I got your back, man.

I gotta say, it feels really good

I had seen her a couple of times,

I had to promise to fix the kitchen cabinets to get her to calm down.

I hate this stuff.

I have a nice job, I have a real nice business.

I have everything under control

I have to go, buddy. No!

I have to say, all these guys seem a little off,

I have to say, I learned from the master.

I haven't slept in months.

I heard Doug enjoys that. What?

I hope your dick gets chopped off.

I just don't understand why you continue to say this stupid shit.

I just feel like there's not enough time.

I just feel really good about everything.

I just hope it all goes smoothly.

I just need a wall. No, no, no!

I just want her to be happy.

I just want you to remember that this is a business relationship.

I knew someone would get hurt. Look at this.

I knew you were full of shit

I know a place that has great burritos.

I know at this moment

I know that I can throw you the ball.

I know that you're faster than Big Ed.

I know we agreed to the whole no making love

I know you can't understand any of this.

I know. Maybe we could take one night off.

I know. Maybe we could take one night off.

I like that. And I got your back, too.

I like you, man. I think you're a great guy.

I lived on four different continents.

I love my fiancée, I love my fiancée.

I love the idea that a girl who looks that hot

I love this girl.

I love you. Thank you.

I mean, actually, terrified. Like, Wah! What is that?

I mean, can't your best man

I mean, I didn't invite you to my wedding.

I mean, I had no idea. (ENGINE STARTS)

I mean, no one can fight over that.

I mean, that was the 9th grade field trip.

I mean, the key to relationships

I mean, there's a striking resemblance, isn't it?

I mean, when you really listen to the words.

I mean, you hardly even know me.

I need liquids! JIMMY: Get back!

I need seven.

I need you to take your seats.

I never expected

I never expected the Jimmy Callahan

I never heard of him. Her family's priest.

I never really had anyone to go with.

I never said. North Dakota.

I never would have thought would have looked at me twice.

I now pronounce you husband and wife. (CHUCKLES)

I overheard the two of you talking, okay?

I provide best man services for guys

I remember one time when these kids took my lunch

I remember when we watched Girl with a Pearl Earring,

I said I got it.

I said, Stay your ass away from Plunkett. Didn't I tell you that?

I sat down and I wrote a pretty awesome speech.

I should have charged you more.

I should just call it off. No! These guys are great, man.

I still can't believe they actually bought all that

I still think they're losers.

I suggest you get your head back in the game.

I swear to God...

I think I made a terrible mistake.

I think I'm in over my head, Doug. No, no.

I think that's quite the invitation, Ed,

I think that's right. That's what it says?

I think you have said something about him.

I think you said, Red hot pussy seltzer.

I thought it would make me look cool.

I thought maybe we'd have a little ice cream

I thought they wanted nachos.

I thought you said you was a vegan.

I thought you were just a nerd fan.

I told him he was going to crush ass.

I told you I need you to drive.

I told you I've been working on the talking backwards thing.

I tried. (SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

I trust you, you're not gonna do it. Don't trust me!

I want him to help us decide on all these fun things.

I want my real life to be

I want to do all of that shit, but I can't.

I want to introduce you to Dirty Eddie Sanchez.

I want to propose a toast.

I wanted to keep it a surprise.

I wanted to quit grad school

I was a bit surprised when I met your groomsmen.

I was an all conference nose tackle.

I was being blinded by this bright light.

I was bullied quite often.

I was covered in sloppy Joe

I was in the zone, baby.

I was just telling Papa Bear here

I was just working so much. I was working too much.

I was nervous. I was probably just as nervous as he was.

I was thinking about what you asked me the other day about Gretchen.

I went to 13 different schools by the eighth grade.

I will cut you!

I wish you would have called before. My place is a pig sty.

I would love for you to meet all my friends.

I would pay money

I, uh, know we haven't spoken in a while

I, uh, told her that I have a best man lined up.

I, uh...

I, uh... I feel just awful.

I, um...

I'd love for him to be caught up on all this.

I'll be back with the croutons.

I'll be the first to say that we underestimated

I'll call Marci myself. Is that what you want me to do?

I'll murder your family! Turn it off. (CRYING)

I'll murder your family! Turn it off. (CRYING)

I'll tell her about Kokomo.

I'll throw you a bachelor party to your liking.

I'm 6'4.

I'm 6'4.

I'm a doctor. What type?

I'm a lounge singer myself up there in Canada.

I'm about to get married to this great girl, Gretchen.

I'm actually okay.

I'm an apprentice. I just take care of the van

I'm Bic. Where's the pussy at? What?

I'm dead. (STAMMERS)

I'm dying to finally meet all your friends.

I'm fine. I'm fine. BRIDESMAID: Oh, my God.

I'm fucking with you.

I'm getting a little nauseous, man. What?

I'm getting married, bud. Wow! That's amazing. Congratulations.

I'm going to go out here and I'm going to make my toast,

I'm going to need a deposit.

I'm going to take some.

I'm just an employee with a job to do. I get it.

I'm just going to have to move, anyway. What's the point?

I'm just going to...

I'm just happy the big day's finally here, to be honest with you.

I'm just happy to (STUTTERS) be here.

I'm late, man. God damn it.

I'm late. Come on, get in the car.

I'm like an angel.

I'm not dancing.

I'm not looking for a friend.

I'm not playing the Look, Jimmy game.

I'm not sure I know what you mean by that.

I'm not sure I understand what you're implying.

I'm only 15!

I'm only there when you need me to be. (DOOR OPENS)