Tommy Boy (1995) Edit

A brother!

A dark hole for a few years.

A great American product, right?

A guy puts a fancy guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.

A message? What number did you call?

A thousand units to Oshkosh? Tommy, that's fabulous!

A.k.a. Beverly Burns. Richard, how could Beverly

Absolutely. It'd be my great pleasure. What have I got to lose?

Action 8 will be there.

All because you wanna save a couple of extra pennies... and to me, it doesn't

All my "Zalinsky Auto Parts" outlets all over North America!

All right then, let's get some shut eye!

All right, all right, hold it a second folks!

All the shipping orders go through me,

Alright now, it's sales time, remember we don't take no

Although what are the odds

Am I just severely wasted or does Tommy look bloated?

Am I proud of you. Mister big time, college grad, huh?

America, if you need starters, spark plugs, ball joints,

American auto parts king.

And after that, figure it out.

And all you can say is "he seems like a nice guy"?

And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.

And coming soon to Ohio: computer fraud.

And Danny, remember when we used to burn ants with a magnifying glass?

And how could Oh, man! This was so big!

And I dropped in a 440 Magnum with a six pack.

And I saw your step brother and your step mother, and he was kissing her.

And I want your kids to be safe when you take them for a ride.

And I'll be damned if that's gonna change on my watch.

And let me guess, you're not going to be selling me the company now, are you Tommy boy?

And let me lay down some other rules too.

And lighting things on fire?

And marching over us.

And mark it "guaranteed", I will. I got spare time.

And my life has been a living hell ever since.

And remember you can pick up these great brake pads from "Callahan Auto"

And right now I'm gonna need you, Tommy boy, to get this place going.

And right now those workers are in danger of losing their jobs.

And sell 'em in my stores.

And since you were my dad's right hand man,

And so these vows are held sacred from

And someday my son will run it.

And suddenly your kids are yelling from the back seat.

And that's what it takes to sell. Confidence. Your dad had that.

And that's when the whores come in.

And that's who I care about.

And the future of "Callahan Auto".

And the medic gets out and says: "Oh, my God!"

And the one guy who should be caring about this, you, doesn't.

And then all of a sudden there's a truck tire

And then I take my naughty pet, and I go...

And there's probably one over by the wing, somewhere,

And they always end up with you saying: "I make car parts for..." How does that go?

And they were right when I put them into my computer. I swear.

And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb?

And this is one of our oldest customers,

And we gotta take care of it quick.

And well, thought you might wanna know that.

And what is our carrying charge for all the merchandise in the warehouse?

And what people needed to hear.

And while you're at it, fill it up with gas, okay?

And why shouldn't you? You've been here 10 minutes.

And you got a friend out of it.

And you guarantee everything you sell?

And you know how to do that, just like your dad.

And you, with all this excitement around here, I kinda' got a little hungry.

And you're driving along...

And you're really smart... Yet it's not on the map.

And your family screaming: "Oh my God, we're burning alive!"

Any business that tries to wait it out will be just that, out.

Anyway, I just want you to know that as long as I'm around, I'm gonna

Anyway, me and Richard are going to Chicago, to straighten things out.

Apparently they give a lot fewer D+'s than D 's.

Are you kidding? We're all screwed!

At a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there

At the loading dock. Now, I know you'd love to just sit there and keep being...

Awesome! Hey, there's even a fridge!

Bad girl. Ah, thank you...

Bad mommy.

Be married to Paul and my dad at the same time?

Because I'm a hell of a salesman, and he doesn't know any better.

Because that's who I am. And that's who I care about.

Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere!

Before I can turn these machines on.

Big day tomorrow. I hope we can keep this momentum going.

Book smarts, which waved bye bye to you long ago,

Bottom line is, by 6pm tomorrow we'll all be unemployed.

Boy, did I screw up.

Boy, I sure let my dad down.

Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. You sure it's closed?

Boy, you sure are different in your TV commercials.

Bravo, Tommy!

Brother? I'm gonna have a brother? I've always dreamed about having a brother.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

Buddy Wackett?

Bull's ass, that's great.

Bust my butt and make sure that

But as you realize "Callahan" has been family owned

But before I decide to keep my business with your place,

But for now, for your customers' sake, for your daughter's sake

But I feel I gotta do something.

But I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.

But I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.

But more important is the guarantee that I make to the American worker.

But Ron, we do need that loan to keep us afloat

But sorry about your car, man. It sucks.

But that's life! America's in a state of renewal.

But the "Callahan" factory's been in my family for 70 years,

But there's a problem. There's no guarantee on the box.

But this isn't the end. No way.

But who's going to sell them?

But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?

But you didn't. So your dad would've been proud o'you.

But you've got it marked down for two.

But, I gotta do something. I don't know what.

By sticking your head up a butcher's ass, but then...

By the way, did you ever eat paint chips as a kid?

Callahan factory is the only thing keeping it alive.

Callahan has guaranteed every part sold since 1925.

Callahan's a premium name. That's what I'm buying.

Can I call you back in a few minutes? Thanks. I miss you.

Can I open my eyes now dad?

Can I open my eyes now dad?

Can't believe you wanted to. Although it's pretty fun.

Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before.

Cause I'll come over there and shove an oar up your ass!

Chicken wings.

Chill bud.

Chocking!

Colorado: wire fraud.

Come on in! Oh, and forget about R.T.!

Come on man, let's at least take five minutes to celebrate our first victory!

Come on, give me your best shot, and I'll give you a free one! Let me have it!

Come on, you can do better than that, can't ya Captain Limp Wrist?

Come on! Dammit.

Comforting you, calling out "I'm good. I'll never let you down."

Cool!

Cool! Thanks, dad.

Cops!

Could have done without that. Geez, I'm an idiot!

Couldn't tell ya.

Crash Test in Progress.

D +? Oh my God! I passed!

D+!

Dad, got a little problem here.

Dad, I really don't think... Okay.

Dad, she's like a ten.

Dad... It's cool, you know.

Damn!

Damn!

Did that board to the head knock something loose?

Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?

Did you hear I finally graduated?

Did you live under power lines as a kid or something?

Do you guys want this or "American Gladiators"?

Do you know where the weight room is? I'll check it out.

Does that help?

Don't call me that, it's creepy.

Don't feel bad.

Don't let him leave the complex, Marty!

Don't run away from your feelings!

Don't say anything, ok! I know I've ruined your entire life, and you hate me,

Don't worry because I've quit. So you won't have to put up with anything anymore.

Don't you know we could get busted for that?

Done this before?

Drive down to Zalinsky. He's the auto parts king.

Even though Tom is gone,

Ever since I was a kid, you people have been like a family to me.

Ever since your mom died...

Every last one of you always has a job, right here at "Callahan".

Everyone who owns stock in this company stands to make a lot of money.

Everything he does is sweet. So, when does sweetie get back?

Excuse me, what was that?

Excuse me! Oh God.

Exits! Ok, there's one back here,

Fair enough, Doug. 'Course I can get a hell of a good look at a t bone steak

Fasten your seat belt.

Fat guy in a little coat.

Fat guy in little coat.

Fellas, you just ran out of time.

First rocker, take it, Tommy boy!

First, what are the three grades of Callahan Brake pads?

Fish in a barrel, my man. Town's the fish, people are the barrel.

Fish in a barrel...

Folks, Mr. Zalinsky gave us specific instructions to bar you from the building.

Folks, we're making our final approach into Chicago.

For Action News, I'm Nicole Taylor, reporting live.

For Christ's sake, once during the war I visited a prostitute,

For God's sake son, will you quit covering your damned eyes?

For the moment it looks like a tragedy has been eluded and a town has been saved.

Forget it, I have enough to do without having to change your diapers.

Forget it. I quit.

Frank, I really don't think we have any choice.

Frank, if we sell while our value's still high,

Gaskets, camshafts, u joints or rocker arms,

Gee, funny you should bring that up.

Geez, I wonder if she goes out with one of the "Yankees".

Geez! You were saying?

Get him!

Get out! Now!

Get ready to live!

Get to know them, they're important.

Go on! I'm listening.

God, he's so sweet.

God, I love that!

God, I was worried I wouldn't find you.

God, they're huge! They're ripping my flesh!

God, you're sick. Tell you what,

Good Lord!

Good man!

Good morning, sunshine.

Great, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it off.

Group words together as a sentence.

Half million brake pads in the next ten days,

Half the orders have already been cancelled.

Hard hats, gentlemen. If you get hit in the head without wearing one of these,

Hard hats, gentlemen. If you get hit in the head without wearing one of these,

Have it say: "Tough break, get drunk on me...

He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.

He does.

He said he had a surprise for me.

He says the sweetest things about her.

He seems like a good guy on TV. He'll understand.

He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes.

He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane.

He was the best at knowing what people wanted to hear,

He was your real dad and you just took it for granted.

He'll be taking you through my little spiel here.

He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks?

He's a cop. He had to get a real job when my parents

He's coming here today, for the wedding.

He's got really weird hair.

He's made one deal, Paul. It's not the end of the world.

He's pissed off 'cause he recently found out what a loser he is.

He's turned into this... selling machine.

He's vacuuming. I don't know. I guess he's clean.

Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman.

Hell, folks believe me when I tell them: we're not just building automotive components here

Hello, is detective Duane Brock on duty today?

Here we go!

Here's the deal, if I want you

Here's the way I see it, Ted.

Hey boys and girls, it's Papa Smurf!

Hey chief, could you tell me how far it is to Davenport?

Hey dad and Beverly, this is Michelle Brock, the prettiest gal in Sandusky.

Hey everybody, is there a window open? I feel a draft.

Hey everybody, it's Tony Robbins!

Hey guys, do I look different now that I'm a college grad?

Hey how are you. Good to see ya, how you doin'?

Hey lady, look out! There's a fat whale on your boat!

Hey mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank!

Hey Tommy, you're back! Way to go on that D +!

Hey tub o! You ain't moving!

Hey, by finesse do you mean sputtering sentence fragments

Hey, get me! My turn! Over here!

Hey, get off my property!

Hey, Gilligan, did you eat the Skipper?

Hey, guess what, I just called "Auto Tech" and they decided to make an order.

Hey, guess who's here!

Hey, I know I'm not probably the answer you guys are looking for,

Hey, I was just thinking, when we stopped for gas this morning

Hey, I'll tell you what: you can take a good look

Hey, if you're gonna say I didn't put the right kind, then you're wrong.

Hey, look alive! Low bridge!

Hey, look! It's Tommy!

Hey, Mr. Rittenhauer! Is it true Tommy's on the road trying to save this place?

Hey, remember your brother, Duane? Whatever happened to him?

Hey, thanks dad!

Hey, Tommy, this is not a vacation for me. And I'm here against my will,

Hey, what happened to the tire plant?

Hey, what's your hurry?

Hey, you forgot your wife!

Hey, your sail is limp, like your dick!

Hi, grandpa.

Hi, honey. This must be Tommy.

Hi, I called about a ticket to Cuyahoga Falls, the name's Brock.

Hi, Ted. Hi, Frank. Excuse me, Marty.

Hi! Got a second?

Hi.

Hi. How are you?

Hi. I'm Earth. Have we met?

Hi. This is Tommy Callahan here with Mr. Ray Zalinsky,

Him too 'fraid to get out. He just a little guy.

Hit it!

Hit the brakes!

Hold on a minute! Do we really wanna put the future of the company in Tommy's hands?

Hold on right there honey. I'll see you Michelle.

Holy shnikees, it worked!

Holy Shnikees!

Holy shnikees!

Honey, look at this human bomb on the news!

Housekeeping. You want me jerk you off?

Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?

How about the jobs of 300 people?

How could you be reading documents when they're in your briefcase?

How much do you use? 1,5%.

Hurry up Tommy, hurry up!

I am, Tommy boy.

I can hold out Zalinsky for a couple of weeks.

I can make the parts in one of my factories, put 'em in a Callahan box

I can put you in to Salt Lake City, by 4...

I can put you on another one at 3 o' clock this afternoon.

I can't believe I have a whole new family. This is awesome!

I can't believe you called me a psycho.

I can't do this anymore man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks.

I can't hear you. You're trailing off. And did I catch a "niner" in there?

I care about stuff, I'm getting better at this sales thing.

I did call, earlier, when... using the phone.

I didn't have a father, and he looked out for me. But you!

I didn't rob any bank.

I didn't wanna plant six feet under a lettuce patch.

I don't believe it. Tommy just sold half a million brake pads.

I don't believe this.

I don't have time to go thru another city. I need a direct flight to Chicago.

I don't know Tommy. I didn't really like the old gang from high school.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going.

I don't know.

I don't know. Something a little more dangerous.

I don't know. You check the elevators, I'll check the bank.

I don't like file cabinets.

I don't think anyone could help Baby Huey out there on the road.

I don't think so.

I don't wanna hear the word "sell" again.

I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world today.

I feel my first sale coming out real soon.

I get tears off my eyes just thinking about it.

I give you everything I've got: my house, the stock.

I got another surprise for you.

I got it! What does every factory need? Trucks.

I gotta do this! This's got to be the one!

I gotta do this. It's gotta be me...

I gotta go.

I had to give him my gun, you know, I've got kids.

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

I just barfed in an anthill. Cool! Wow, I think they're pissed.

I just wanna tell you that... I still love you and

I just wanna tell you you really look dynamite today, Beverly.

I just want you to be happy.

I just wanted to tell you that Tommy's been talking a lot about you recently

I killed it! I killed my sale!

I knew it. See, Richard? I'll have chicken wings.

I knew that! Why can't I remember it?

I know it doesn't quite feel the same without Big Tom here, but we're still a family.

I know it was big, but it wasn't my fault.

I know. They're called doctors.

I learned everything I know from him.

I like your line. And I like your prices.

I love all you guys. Specially you.

I love it, I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty.

I make car parts for the American working man, because that's what I am

I make car parts for the American working man, because that's what I am

I mean, maybe if you weren't such a rebel, you could've avoided...

I mean, since he's so good, if he might wanna try selling?

I need fresh capital for material, for new work force

I never told you you had to close them in the first place, son.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

I passed! Oh, man I got a D+!

I probably would wind up on a street corner selling

I see you have the rest of the year pretty much wide open.

I sure miss you a lot.

I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that was awesome!

I take oil filters that need smoothing and give 'em a quick zap.

I think I'm growing a tumor.

I think it was you who put the oil in.

I think you're gonna be ok here. They have a thin candy shell.

I think your brain is a thick candy shell.

I thought it'd take a year to bleed him dry in the divorce settlement.

I throw some peanuts at 'em. We'll be in Chicago before you know it.

I used 10W 30.

I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time

I wanna be fresh for the meeting.

I want the one on the left. She's perfect. Which one d'you want?

I want to introduce you to the new president of "Callahan Auto",

I want to jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge embankment!

I want your cruiser to get out there safely, so you can clean up the streets.

I was being an idiot. I wanna apologize cause, I didn't mean it.

I was checking the, ah, specs on the end line, for the rotary girder...

I was just kidding. I've no idea where they live.

I will.

I wish that we'd known each other. This is a little awkward.

I wouldn't say you did much better. I thought you were so cool.

I'd have to come by and have a look at your new operation.

I'd just like to welcome you all to our annual Callahan Employee Night.

I'd never seen one close up before.

I'd probably freak out and blow up the whole town.

I'll be happy to look into it.

I'll go turn the friers back on and throw some wings in for ya.

I'll tell you what, I can get a good look at a T bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass,

I'll tell you why. Cause there's a town involved here.

I'm a maniac. Maniac...

I'm back.

I'm Beverly, and you're just adorable.

I'm flying to Chicago to sign over the company.

I'm gonna ask directions to the next huge embarrassing failure.

I'm gonna graduate!

I'm gonna graduate!

I'm gonna make a toast.

I'm gonna miss you man. You're the best.

I'm gonna really miss him.

I'm honoured.

I'm just having fun. If we didn't get the wings, so what?

I'm not, but I could if you help me.

I'm out here getting my ass kicked, and every time I drive down the road,

I'm really glad you brought me out here.

I'm sorry about your car. But don't call me worthless.

I'm sorry, Frank, we can't do it. Tom got in way over his head when he

I'm sorry, it's completely sold out.

I'm sorry. I need not know that. Right now we got a bigger problem.

I'm supposed to be at Michelles' for dinner.

I'm telling you, Paul... the only thing keeping us poor is Tommy.

I'm thinning the corporate herd.

I'm trying my best. I'm not my dad.

I'm trying to do everything I think you'd be doing,

I've been stuck here for an hour with no wind again.

I've interrupted "happy time". Look, your father wants

I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy

If I give you that stuff, it's collateral, then would you give us that loan?

If I wanted a kiss, I woulda called your mother.

If not, don't worry about it.

If they break down, you can call me at home, even if I'm watching TV.

In 23 years, have I ever said no to you, huh?

In auto parts, you're either growing our you're dying.

In the middle of the road, and you hit the brakes.

Incidence of wear to the pressure plate.

Indicates a good, rich strobe n' fade, decreasing

Instead the guy croaks, you own half the company.

Is knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.

Is that our new brake pads are really cool.

Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?

Is what makes them the American public, alright?

It looks real.

It seems vulgar to think about money at a time like this.

It's a very proud day for me.

It's alive!

It's called reading. Top to bottom, left to right.

It's like a bad "Twilight Zone".

It's not a grade they like to give out, I'll tell ya that right now.

It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

It's the next town, Tons of Fun. It's gotta be there.

Jeepers creepers, those guys keep interrupting us. I'm sorry about that.

John Hancock... It's Herbie Hancock.

Just doesn't seem right.

Just ring the call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head

Kinda' like your suitcase... Hey, what's new with the old gang from high school?

Kitchen's closed until dinner. I just got cold stuff and desserts.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're in real trouble.

Lady, we really need to get to Chicago. It's an emergency. Is there anything you can do?

Late again Tommy?

Leave me a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks.

Let me check. Yup, it's closed.

Let me say... maybe.

Let's do it! It's go time.

Let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something.

Let's say I go into some guy's office

Let's say the average person uses 10% of their brain.

Let's see. Warrants outstanding! New Mexico: mail fraud.

Let's think about this for a sec, Ted.

Like, let's say you're driving along the road, with your family...

Listen up you little spazoids, I know where you live and

Listen up! This'll only take a second!

Listen, I wanna thank you all for coming today

Listen, this marriage thing, I know it's a big step... but you know...

Listen, why don't you come out on the floor with us?

Little trick my dad taught me.

Look Mommy, the rhino is getting too close to the car.

Look out! I got cat like speed and reflexes.

Look, believe it or not, I'm providing a service.

Look, I've been doing business with Callahan

Look, it's him!

Look, Magellan, we're at this wrinkle here.

Look, we got lucky, don't jinx it. We only have a week left

Look, we talk to the bank. Maybe they'll give us a break.

Louis, we built our first fort together.

Ma'am there's a half hour time limit.

Made by the American working man, for the American working man.

Man! Did I get dooshed with mud!

Marty, cut a check to Callahan Auto for those brake pads!

Marty, find out where the police will be taking him!

Marty, have security see these boys out!

Maybe I can help.

Maybe if you didn't lean over to insult me you would have seen it coming.

Maybe instead I'll spend it on the whore.

Maybe so, but it's not on the box. It should always be on the box.

Maybe we weren't the smartest guys on campus.

Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian, oh, what's his name?

Meanwhile, if I can grab your share of the market,

Men laying their trick money down. 20 dollars to pay the rent?

Michelle Brock. Chaparrall High. Remember?

Michelle!

Michelle! I'm glad you called me back. Yeah, things are going great.

Michelle's mad at me. I lost the factory.

Might come down and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?

Moved to Cuyahoga Falls.

Mr. Brady, you and my dad go way back.

Mr. Callahan, I need your John Hancock on these reports.

Mr. Gilmore needs reminding of why he does business with us.

Mr. Rittenhauer, is Tommy, you know, doing okay?

Mr. Zalinsky, for years you've been putting ads on TV.

Mr. Zalinsky? I'm Tommy Callahan. Big Tom Callahan's son.

Mrs. Callahan.

My aunt Ilenne, ran it when he went away to war

My beautiful wife, Beverly and my new son, Paul.

My car is completely destroyed.

My customers need to see that little label, lookin' at 'em right in the eye.

My dad just died. We just killed Bambi.

My dad said the new pads were the future of "Callahan".

My dad was smart, I'm not.

My father kept it running during the depression,

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

My grandfather founded it in '21,

My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.

My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does. Right here.

My so called family deserted me.

Nah...

New guy's in the corner, puking his guts out.

New guy's in the corner, puking his guts out.

Next thing you know there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter

Nice distance.

Nice doggy, nice doggy!

Nicole, I've got something to say. Please, may I?

No idea.

No offense, Tommy, but you don't know the first thing about brake pads.

No one's looking. Speaking of "no one's looking"...

No problem.

No sir.

No way that just happened.

No, but... It's nice to see you again Mr. Insult.

No, I can't feel my leg! Here comes the meat wagon.

No, I mean, you can get a good look at a T bone

No, it was cordless.

No, it's gotta be your bull.

No, it's TV, man. Camera adds a couple... 100 pounds.

No, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.

No! Zalinsky. We go to Chicago, tell him we're not for sale.

No.

No. You need to drop a couple 100 pounds, blimp!

Nobody's around. It's naughty time.

Not good.

Not here, or here so much, but right here.

Not really.

Not slim, but we gotta work a little today, okay.

Now by the power invested in me by the state of Ohio,

Now don't forget, we're going home early today.

Now go change!

Now let's see what happens when you're driving with "the other guy's brake pads".

Now look son, these are our new catalogues.

Now take off that itchy robe.

Now until eternity. If there's any person

Now we only got 20 minutes before "Brady Automotive" closes.

Now, I know it doesn't matter cause you have so many, but uh...

Now, if you wanna act like a big boy...

Now, let's face it, when big Tom died, "Callahan Auto" may have died with him.

Now, some of us are leaving, and that is sad.

Of course I understand what "no" means. But if I took no for an answer

Of us actually hitting a lake?

Oh my God, it's him! There he is, my friend. The King himself.

Oh no! Listen, Richard, you got a edit button on that thing?

Oh yeah, I buy brake pads off him. I thought we were watching cartoons.

Oh yeah? Watch and learn.

Oh, daddy likes! You get wet honey, you deserve a swim...

Oh, for the love of God, I've been patient. Please, don't stop!

Oh, I can reserve you a flight coming back from Chicago at 17.55...

Oh, Lord!

Oh, mamasita!

Oh, man, that's cold!

Oh, man! No, please, God, no!

Oh, my pretty little pet. I love you!

Oh, no!

Oh, no! Loading it up took us over an hour.

Oh, Richard, I'm so happy! Hold me!

Oh, that has to be you.

Oh, there you are. While I was waiting I thought I'd make a couple calls.

Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.

Oh, yeah, right. Like there was other real fat guy with a tiny head.

Oh, yeah? Then guess what, open it back up and put it in!

Ok, and life preservers. These we may need.

Ok, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy.

Ok, now, we're running out of time, so you can't go see Zalinsky like that.

Ok, so we call everyone and explain what happened.

Ok, thanks. Bye, I owe you.

Ok, where's moron? Moron's here, so McKeesport...

Ok? Now let's review!

Okay, I was at the airport. I was going home.

Okay, I'll buy from you.

Okay, I'll tell you what. You work out that scientific stuff, I'll go out and get a pizza.

Okay, left.

Okay, let's check you out! All right.

Okay, we're live.

Okay, we're out of here!

On the border of Iowa. Which is where Davenport is, 22 mi away.

Only when I see something I want, Mrs. Callahan.

Or else the factory is going under.

Our brake pads are made of a non corrosive poly plated...

Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish,

Personal, commercial and... agricultural.

Please, go away! Let me sleep, for the love of God!

Poor little furry thing!

Prehistoric Forest...

Probably never will.

Put a little coin in the pocket, by being the asshole?

R.T. I think I figured out the problem.

R.T., I lost my virginity to your daughter, for crying out loud!

Ray, I have no idea what they're talking about.

Ray, we're not looking for a handout here. I'm offering you a great deal.

Read out on the nickel cadmium alloy mix

Ready or not, this is crunch time.

Relax! You get on the horn!

Richard, could you huh...

Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.

Richard, I'm gonna need your watch. I've got a plan.

Richard, what's happening?

Richard, you promise me you're gonna look after Tommy here 'til he gets his feet wet.

Richard! You're a riot!

Richard? Who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa or is it Spanky?

Right. If it'll help get the brake pads going.

Right. That flight goes through Columbus. Let me just call that up for you.

Road flares?

Rob, you were there.

Ron, don't tell me the bank thinks we need to wait it out.

Run for it!

Run these figures by accounting. No problem.

Save yourself, Tommy! Don't be the hero!

Save yourselves!

Savour the flavour, cause it sure as hell won't happen again.

Say something for the bride and groom!

Say something!

Say, have you seen Richard anywhere? Cause if you do, can you ask him,

Screw you! Screw all of you!

See you.

Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card.

Shake the rock to me!

She'd definitely be boner of the month.

She's a quart low.

She's sleeping. What you do is put your shoulder into her and you push.

Shut up, Tommy! It's not my fault.

Shut up!

Since I hung up my shingle. But I don't like you.

Since Tommy's great grandfather laid the first brick

Sinner!

Sir, what exactly happened here?

So according to my calculations, that puts us over the mark.

So as more details emerge on this attempted bank robbery,

So I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it.

So if you could give me a little help, I'd appreciate it.

So is there anything to do in this town besides eat?

So let me pack my things and go crawling through

So let's try and have some fun!

So the least you can do is pretend to work.

So where's my dad? I thought he was gonna meet me at the airport.

So why not give it a shot?

So, do you think "Zalinsky Industries" can help these folks?

So, I'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.

So, that's it for school, uh? Now what?

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

So, what are you gonna do now?

Soda in here. Milk, yoghurt.

Somebody call 911!

Something went haywire down at shipping and receiving.

Son of a! I can't breathe!

Son of a...

Son of a...

Son of a...

Son of a... That's gonna leave a mark.

Son of a...! That's gonna leave a mark!

Son, I got an announcement to make.

Son, I was sorry to hear about your dad, I was.

Son, if you're not talking about a guarantee, skip it.

Son, roll around! Do you hear me?

Son, you gotta look at it from my point of view.

Sorry about this wind. I can't believe there isn't any wind out here.

Sorry to hear about your dad. He was a good man.

Sorry.

Sorry. Excuse me. Pard me.

Sounds good, Tom, but I'd like to take a look at your operation before I commit.

Sounds good, Tom. I'll send the contract next week.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Speak of the devil.

Spray that thing for bugs?

Stay between the udder and the hock, it's a...

Stuck in the zipper, I got piss all over my pants.

Suit yourself.

Sure. All you can handle bro.

Sure. And thanks for choosing me.

Take it off. I'm serious.

Take Tylenol for any headaches. Midol for any cramps.

Terrific! Thanks for your time.

Thank you Tommy boy. And thank you.

Thank you, Marty.

Thanks dad.

Thanks man.

Thanks, Helen. Tommy like y. Tommy want wing y.

Thanks. Have a good flight. May I help you?

That 180 you just pulled at the waitress.

That guy might not call us.

That hurt!

That it's not good cause it spoils your dinner?

That kid's one apple that fell way off the tree.

That moment is rapidly approaching.

That of course includes you, Mrs. Callahan,

That really ups the resale value.

That sounds good. Melted chocolate inside the dash.

That was a good one.

That was awesome!

That wasn't so hard, was it? How much do I owe your for gas?

That will ruin his weekend.

That your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!

That's a map of Illinois, which we're in.

That's a mystery.

That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box

That's because it's going to Columbus, Georgia, not Columbus, Ohio.

That's commendable.

That's it big boy. I'm gonna wail on you.

That's it! Get out of the car! It's go time, you and me.

That's it! You're not gonna take this.

That's it?

That's my name!

That's nice. You look like a Helen.

That's right, Tommy boy!

That's right. Richard knows more about brake pads than anyone in here.

That's right. You're not your dad.

That's what selling is all about.

That's when people like us have got to forge head, Helen. Am I right?

That's why I'm here, Ray. You see, back in Sandusky, Ohio,

That's your penance for your puppet show back there.

The bank just can't take any chance in putting up any more money.

The guy's an idiot. He won't sell squat.

The next flight to Chicago boards in five minutes but

The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer?

The real problem is that we won't be able to make the payment to the bank.

The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin.

The salesman has left the building.

The town's going under and I'm out of a job.

The truth is I make car parts for the American working man

The wrong parts went to the wrong cities. Now all hell's broken lose.

There ain't no third direction.

There are 300 American workers at "Callahan Auto".

There's a cliff!

There's gotta be something we can do.

There's not much more we can say, really.

These shoes are Italian. They're worth more than your life.

They had a lot to gain if the factory was sold.

They lied to my dad?

They lied to my dad.

They make stuff. They gotta ship it. It's most simple.

They shut it down last month.

They think it's an indication of how things work around here.

They were lying to your dad the whole time. And my brother got these police reports.

They're all out. They only got diesel. Better go to the next station!