Jeremy Clarkson - Top Gear Soundboard Edit

And boats don't do emergency stops. Relax. Oh, that's pretty cold. That's pretty bloody cold. I can't.

And like, we've got exactly what's going turn the traction controller. He must be choking.

Back, back, back, back, back. Oh, for God's sake. But you said. Back, back, back.

But, and this is crucial, a lot of people ask me this. Can you get Sienna Miller in the glove box? Well, let's find out. Sienna. Are you Are you in there? You are. And are you comfortable? Very mar...

Can create the longest #11 skid mark on the track. 31 feet. It is 35 feet. He's beating you. The the region of China just near Tibet, Northeast. You'd look and you go, oh, someone right here, Evans...

Can you run a car on a poo?

CO1 Really. I always have to have the SAT NAV on, but of course being a Mercedes, it's entirely different. Make a Utah who will go back? Want to do it again?

Cut to the wide shot.

Daniel is traveling tonight in his stupid electric sports car. I can see the red tail light. No, you wouldn't be able to. Battery powered, isn't it?

Dial number. I'm told you what to dial yet.

Do you know the worst thing is I need a pee? Why am I so totally useless at Literally? Why didn't you drive through it?

For more A Nation of Wetherspoons and Heat Magazine and Chlamydia.

Hello. Excuse me. Hello. You in the red top? I've had a look around the car park and I couldn't help noticing that my car is considerably more powerful than all of yours.

How come you're an expert on? You look like a scaffolder. Are you actually a wee wee doctor? You are. What are you really? I'm a car salesman. You're a car salesman?

How would you know what a metrosexual?

I absolutely hope James May wakes up in the morning and 10,000 insects are in his underpants.

I was brilliant. Never seen such a nervous man. He looked confident. That is the first time I've ever seen a world leader admit we really are in deep. We've announced a series of packages. He genui...

I'm doing 68, my Magnum, yeah.

I'm not sure this glass carpet is very practical and and the window nice effect, but a bit draughty.

I've got a message here telling me that there is mercury which is hazardous in the rear seat video display. And then there's another one here saying that the exhaust which is here is hot and that i...

If you really hammering down a road, OK. How do you feel in there right now? Would you like to come to Top Gear again, Morons?

It's so quick it can destroy your entire face.

It's this fat, talentless shopping assistant. Yes. And you've ended up with a fat, talented chef. Don't come too soon there, yeah.

It's time for a rare dose of the real world because I've been driving the sort of car that people actually buy. Was that smile a bit too camp at the end?

It's time now to do the Cool Wall. That's a big silence. Nobody's bothered about the cool.

Let him go eenie meenie miney Moe.

Listen, while we were off the air, OK, I had a look on the Internet and this was on it. Now. I can believe that. Something else that was on it. Was this OK? Yeah. OK, that's. Anyway, look, I went o...

Live and let's file lead. Once a modern Bentley anyway, 'cause I drove one in Albania recently. It was terrible.

Of course I don't want someone in public service now. I don't. No, absolutely. And we have to balance it though, don't we? Because this is the BBC? Yes, exactly. Frankly, I'd have them all shut. I ...

Ow ow I'm on fire. Oh, for God's sake. Right, that's got it.

Rise. Rise, Toyota. Let's come over the side.

Some say that he's acia experiment that went wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is he's a steak.

That is a proud moment, but there's a slope on it. You're right. It's definitely higher on that side.

That's it for this program and for this series. Why don't you come to England though, this summer? Because all the birds have got great tits. Look at this. That's it for this program and indeed for...

The big question was which would arrive first, Summer or James May? Where is he?

The idea is that you take the badges off your well, your Lexus, and you put them in, plug it in, and 10 minutes later they're gold. Wow, I put my dog in it.

The pimp mobile was next. I'm gonna need a calendar for this. Yeah, not a stopwatch. 123 go. It's moved off.

The thing is, you see all Japanese cars.

Then, surprisingly, mine wasn't holding up too badly either. For the first time today, I have no warning light on the dashboard. All is well apart from, you know, the rear wind speed wiper and the ...

There they are. Now we know that German fashion and hairstyles haven't moved on much, but I'm sorry, that car is just the old one that's not new. There's no new 9/11 and there never has been. Thank...

There's a supercar, a bowl of prawns and avocado and Crest. Delicious and tasty, but a bit hard to handle. Now what Mercedes have done is taken those same supercar ingredients but wrapped them up i...

This is a rubbish idea. That car basically be beautifully made, unbelievably reliable, have a fantastic engine and isn't as good as a Toyota Corolla Verso. The end, Yeah.

To try and explain the point of the supercar, we thought we'd take one to that huge new bridge in southern France whose phones that it's not mine, it's mine. Not now, not now. Who's phones that? It...

Two ways of removing a dodgy tooth. You know there's the Ferrari way, which is an exquisite high speed drill. What does the Lambo way, which is a big hammer.

We all live then, but what about the cars? Richards Rover is dead. James's Audi is dead, but my Volvo? Yes.

Well, you're not gonna believe it. OK. Are you ready for this? Ready. Yes. And I've sold these already. Sold £600. Look. Into a living room.

What do caravanners do this? How did they drive along? Thinking. I can't bear the shame. And you know, if you have the great thing to the caravan club, always say our members always pull over to le...

When a man who looks like Ted Nugent gets here, take hours. Have a look at his bottom. I think he's got something in there.

Which makes the front of the car look like a fish. Not a not a cod or a shark, not a kind of swimming one, more a sort of bottom feeder. But then it is Dutch.

Yeah, I haven't really. No, I haven't sold it, haven't or couldn't. Bit of both. I suspect nobody would buy it from you. So well, the point is I think I'm about to lose 1500 dollars. I sold mine fo...

Yeah, yeah, you've been watching too many nature documentaries. It comes written for us. Are you gonna wear specialised clothing? Ramirez, Benz Down. And these left testicle pops out.

You actually do on a caravan holiday.

You know when a dog's doing it, number twos, that kind of arched back thing. That's what it is. It is.

1st we tried the local pub. Yep.

2.3 is a small amount of horsepower. Obviously I want this, but don't you just want it to sort of go, that's 225 horsepower, so two 450 horsepower, that's half the horsepower Formula One car.