Family Guy - Season 15 Edit

A And it's happened five times since then,

A bed and breakfast in the country,

A bird got in! Awesome!

A book by the only respected guy in the world named Scott.

A door open dook in the bathroom!

A family all your own?

A freedom of choice issue, they're a public health issue

A gazelle in a high waisted swimsuit!

A goddess!

A good boy deep inside, Peter.

A guy at work said I dress like crap

A little of David Spade goes a long way

A lot of people seem to be turned off

A musical about Alexander Hamilton.

A pair of rubber boots that you'd have to wear

A phone and a face?

A small town boy with big city dreams

A son to whom I could one day give a piece of sour plum candy

A Tumblr account and he's clumsy

A waterfall!

A whole extra script right here

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah! What is it?

Aah! Bitch!

Aah! Mom, Dad! A bat, a bat!

Aah! Ow!

Aah! The bones in my nose!

Aah! We're all gonna die!

About how sad you are and put it online

About some business.

About the one thing more important

About the risks of vaccinations

About vaccinations

About your private life?

Absolute freak show in there

Absolutely, but just a thought:

Absolutely.

Acting like a hip hop guy

Actually completed their mission in this puppy

Actually, I got it performing

Actually, Stewie, I changed my mind.

Admit it, you wish it was me in that car instead of him!

After every show, the fans are always petting Brian,

After it was all over, I called Lois to pick me up

After this teen kegger party

Again, you'd need a genie.

Ah ha! We are!

Ah, a little scheduling mix up.

Ah, bachelorette party.

Ah, come on, man. I just had a couple of alcohol beers

Ah, come on, that's just stuff you pick up on the site

Ah, come on!

Ah, crap, now everyone knows Chris is a ringer!

Ah, crap! My stomach!

Ah, crap. I don't want to work for him

Ah, crap. This thing was a rental

Ah, damn it!

Ah, Griffin, there you are

Ah, I'm drunk.

Ah, nickels!

Ah, no, Lois, don't tell me

Ah, nothing. Just something stupid

Ah, Santa's all talk

Ah, that hurts

Ah, that was my second guess.

Ah, that's good thinking, Lois

Ah, the Feast of San Gennaro.

Ah, there she goes.

Ah, we just missed her

Ah, well. There you go

Ah, yes, overdose in my apartment

Ah, yes, those must be the bones and skulls.

Ah, you got a standing desk, too?

Ah, you know what? I can't right now.

Ah, your joke wasn't funny enough.

Ah! Damn it! Ah!

Ah! Did you see that? What?

Ah! She's got us both!

Aha! (squeaks)

Aha. You leave that to me

Aisle 25. I was just there

All about stuff babies actually care about.

All at the same time

All he needs is a good, old fashioned game

All I did was Armor All the dash.

All I need to know is: do you have a car,

All of Meg's farts here in this box?

All right, all right

All right, all right, just one second.

All right, all right. We're going to open

All right, Brian, I've written a few songs,

All right, Brian, let's begin

All right, Brian, let's rob these gay guys

All right, but make sure you get it

All right, butthorns,

All right, Chris!

All right, class, let's get started

All right, come on now, pal, seriously,

All right, come on, Peter,

All right, commence

All right, everybody on the floor

All right, everybody, take five

All right, evidently I have to go to the big tree

All right, fine

All right, fine, you bastards can fire me,

All right, Gatsby, you think you're so hot?

All right, I got to go eat an ice cream cone

All right, I guess it'll be a light day today,

All right, I suppose I could get a job.

All right, I'm almost done packing

All right, I'm gonna exit while discreetly

All right, I'm just gonna take a quick swim

All right, if you'll excuse me,

All right, let's do this

All right, let's head out.

All right, listen up, you little pieces of garbage.

All right, now that I'm in charge of this brewery,

All right, now we're gonna go to your home

All right, now, go pick up your picture

All right, Peter, it's time to master the game of chess.

All right, push. Push

All right, red light

All right, Rupert, if we're going to teach Brian a lesson,

All right, so the B&B will have a rack of single gear bikes

All right, Stewie, see you after school

All right, stop the show!

All right, that's a creepy mic check.

All right, that's it, you're fired!

All right, then, I am off.

All right, they're all news chuckling!

All right, this one is for all the mommies out there.

All right, we got our homework.

All right, we got our popcorn from home,

All right, we're Red Shirt Blue Shirt,

All right, well, I'll take my son now.

All right, what else did I have to do today?

All right, you guys are doing great

All right, you guys get gas

All right, you guys ready for church?

All right, you ready?

All right. Let me just burp through my nose for a second,

All these news people

All those flashbacks and cutaway gags we love so much,

All we got to do is take those bets

All your authentic baby experiences?

All your songs sound the same

ALL: Three, two, one!

Almost there, just one more push.

Also in the past.

Also wet.

Also, some of the brewery workers say very hurtful things

Although she did act like a nutcase

Am I about to introduce you to Taylor Swift?

Am I really heavier than you?

An impossible diva.

An incredible act of heroism

An Italian restaurant there

And "bagels" to "problems"?

And "Fat Nips" and "Big Fat Nips

And a drone with a camera and a gun that fires..

And a man's mind begins to play tricks on him.

And acting like a complete jackass

And acutely sensitive to light?

And an American Girl doll

And and assumed you were okay with it

And and I totally get that the sex thing

And and I'm not judging others for their choices

And and we both called the Apple store,

And and you're still part of the family,

And another thing, I read this piece of garbage script.

And are we married to the Tumblr account?

And assist Indiana Jones on his next adventure.

And be Red Shirt Blue Shirt with me?

And before you go crying to your mom,

And both sides appear to be at an impasse

And Braveheart

And call 911.

And can I have some of your bread?

And catch up with the family

And charge tourists for photos

And clap his hands, and I said, "Eh, that's enough of that

And count the stars.

And cutaway complete

And destroying my reputation

And don't worry, I'm not sticking around

And done

And down the hall they're doing a "white elephant

And drunk women who don't want to spend the holidays alone.

And ended up spilling hot coffee on his balls

And finish that payroll report I asked for?

And for no reason?

And get a job of your own

And get Chris to take a dive!

And go back to the way things were?

And go get the champ a Gatorade, huh?

And grab as much fat ass as you can

And have his family there?

And have the same conversation we're having here

And he could say, "Next year is my star mitzvah

And he locked me in here until the police come.

And he was also in some movie called Senseless

And he was the president of the '90s

And he's trying to impress her

And here comes Marmaduke to lick up the vomit

And here we are... the Family Guy writers' room..

And here's a song we call Mommy and Daddy's Room.

And his enemies

And how wrong they are for having traditional desks

And hurt by men.

And I can get my old job back

And I can't wait to go to the dance tonight

And I could even pay you a little something for your time

And I didn't have any money for a cab

And I don't know if you've considered this,

And I don't know where to find a replacement

And I don't sleep a lot at night 'cause of health stuff

And I found some very interesting things

And I got myself a night

And I hope you didn't mind

And I just used that to get stuff for myself

And I only drink what I like

And I realized Carter could give me all of that

And I tell you, this thing is not easy to fly.

And I think someone may have

And I think this is gonna work out just great

And I want a tricycle and a pony

And I went to the bank for a loan like an adult

And I'd like your most expensive bottle

And I'd love to go to your dance with you

And I'll take his place.

And I'll tell you, I don't know why they call it a "sanitarium."

And I'm gonna help you get it back.

And I'm here to give you the facts about vaccs.

And I'm his girlfriend 'cause he has great genitals.

And I'm impressed with reckless behavior,

And I'm not a genie!

And I'm not gonna let anybody tell me

And I'm shaking my head at the senseless waste

And I'm sorry if I let Olivia manipulate me.

And I've been drinkin' all day from this here jug

And I've never been happier!

And if anyone has a problem with it,

And if anyone needs some dirty underpants,

And if you guys can find it in your hearts to take me back,

And ill advised hookups.

And into that pool down there

And it can be tricky working with an ex.

And it should be pretty hard,

And it's got to be easier than when I was delivering pizzas.

And it's not just our school

And jeopardize your career and your art just for us?

And just so you know there are no hard feelings,

And keeps screaming, "I don't care."

And list a bunch of boring facts.

And look at this one

And look, Joe's arguing with a state policeman

And looks like some guy named Brooks was here,

And make it to the city on the other side.

And make it to the next town,

And maybe I was just looking for a way to feel young again

And maybe we can just go back to being friends?

And me, too!

And neckerchiefs, and I'd give him little patches

And not you.

And nothing matters more than his well being

And now here I am, stuck eating cereal

And now the whole town's gonna hang me by a rope

And now, the Game Show Network presents,

And one of them makes you go sleepy bye with your mouth open.

And only 150 people died, but not anyone we knew personally

And other kid stuff

And pictures of Kanye West with his mouth shut.

And pitchforks.

And placed it in a burlap bag?

And playing Santa, just until the shift ends?

And portions bigger than a horse's head

And replace him with another actor

And replaced by David Spade

And right before the holidays

And Sammy Davis the Third.

And sat you next to my wife to say,

And schedule her next appointment?

And shake it off.

And she freaked out for no reason

And she loves me, old sport

And some of the pictures had both Peter and the girl in them

And sometimes we'll give our guests a fake hard time.

And somewhere in this house, there's a footless rat

And spins a football for some reason

And steal his tables and toilets

And that the the Cloud pulled the pictures or..

And that whole gigolo and pimping thing is over

And that will make us feel better about our life choices

And that's not all

And that's why he has them

And the day before that first day,

And the first rehearsal with David Spade

And the garbage bags on our backs?!

And the jokes are working

And the next day she isn't,

And the quarantine has been lifted

And the whole town is quarantined

And then a record whose proceeds go directly to creditors

And then asking if others also play the kazoo.

And then burn the place down?

And then he becomes a pain in the ass again

And then hold the incision open with a vise grip,

And then I might just sit in that car

And then I'm a teacher

And then Peter, of course, had to join in

And then suture the abdominal lining

And then you're gonna eat it again

And there you have it,

And they said they can't disprove that it doesn't happen,

And this is what the kids are wearing

And this time, it's permanent

And those guys back at the factory can suck it.

And to let you know I quit the band.

And to think I almost took that pop up restaurant gig.

And Tricia Takanawa is moving in with me

And truth is,

And Uncle Craig's written in a different color.

And use the slip joint pliers to get the muscle back in position

And wait for you to pass it,

And we all love the Italian food

And we saw you selling our robes on eBay

And we think it's one you can all relate to.

And we thought we'd drop in and talk to you about the show

And we were wondering if you'd have sex with her for $500

And we won't be afraid to let our guests know

And we'll embarrass Tricia on her big night

And we're actually losing money

And weekend dads playing three minutes of catch,

And what most people don't know

And what's next for Peter Griffin?

And where grandchildren?

And where Peter will learn he's being written off the show

And why are you dressed like that?

And why does my shirt billow so

And why is that?

And with regard to Peter's replacement, well,

And with that, I shall step

And would you like to leave your panties in the fishbowl

And you burned my car

And you can do spin art with all the wussy kids

And you created a guy?

And you guys are all okay with this?!

And you indicate when I should stop

And you knew about this?

And you know to fast the night before?

And you know what's a miracle, kids?

And you're getting a funny vibe from me?

And you're gonna have to walk home.

And you're just riding my coattails.

And your attentions to my wife.

And your cats aren't that cute.

And, Chris, I brought you a T shirt of Kermit the Frog

And, Chris, I'm sorry it didn't work out

And, dollars to donuts, white adults.

And, Nick, have you met Jordan?

And, yes, I'm deaf, but what else am I?

And... we're clear

ANNOUNCER: Correction. The next composition

ANNOUNCER: Say "no" to vaccines.

ANNOUNCER: The next composition is

ANNOUNCER: Think catnip's a joke?

ANNOUNCER: We now return to Rational Geographic.

Answer me, guy in box and guy on cross!

Any time there's a public health crisis in a third world land,

Anybody else want to be a hero?

Anyone who doesn't enjoy the music of Josh Groban

Anyone? No?

Anything?

Anyway, I'll tell you what's on fire: my urethra

Anyway, I'm late for a meeting

Anyway, I've got some time to kill

Anyway, it sounds like it's just a hoot

Anyway, like I was saying, you're a trash, 'cause you

Anyway, the restaurant's gonna go under

Anyway, you just got to do what Taylor Swift does

Anyways, what time's your flight?

Apology accepted.

Apparently, I misread the cue card

Appears to be going very well

Ar Are we taking a terrible 7:00 a.m

Are just whipped together, but they actually

Are playing again this weekend

Are We Talking About Jake Gyllenhaal or Jared Leto?

Are you banging all these chicks?

Are you Brian?

Are you crazy?!

Are you going to be staying here for awhile?

Are you going to bone her?

Are you gonna be all right?

Are you gonna say, "Who else but Quagmire?"

Are you Peter?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?!

Are you still GlennQ10@aol

Are you willing to risk losing them

Are..

Aren't vaccinating Stewie

Aren't you scared he's gonna do something bad to you?

Argh! I'm a chef aboard a pirate ship!

As a matter of fact, I did

As his parents and previous co stars have learned,

As is the case with many restaurants,

As part of the class action settlement,

As the star of the show,

As you can tell by the "well, well, well,"

Ashley, wait!

Ashley. I love you.

Asiento trasero Trasero!

Ask for two

At 3:00 a week from Thursday.

At a mid sized printing company

At Burt Reynolds' acting camp in Jupiter, Florida.

At James Woods High

At least he was alone

At the end of a romantic comedy.

At the moment of impact

At the North Pole

At the Point

At the street fair

Aw, but I'll look like such an ass!

Aw, damn it.

Aw, do we have to go to Dad's funeral?

Aw, he was just here!

Aw, I wish somebody had seen that

Aw, man, Chris, this computer is telling me

Aw, now I want you to live

Aw, that's good. Good for you.

Aw, that's nice of you to say

Aw, that's one of the best fingerings I've ever had

Aw, they did a painting?

Aw, Widow Douglas,

Awesome time!

Awesome! Okay, my first wish is for a thousand wishes

B B B Bird, bird, bird, b b b bird..

Baby songs never tackle real baby issues.

Back to the house?

Backstage with Taylor Swift?

Baseball's the sport people play while eating, right?

Bat Industries was up two dollars a share today

Bats watch a ton of Cinemax softcore porn,

Be tested by independent researchers,

Beats your scrotum with a reed.

Because heartless corporations make billions of dollars

Because I lost the baby!

Because I love you, right?

Because I'm your driver's ed instructor, Brian

Because it was "too provocative

Because it was the year you found that Penthouse

Because of the sex

Because of you, there's a measles epidemic,

Because parents know what's best for their kids.

Because people are stealing the tables

Because they sell their bodies to all types of men

Because this is what Taylor Swift does

Because, Chris, your idiot father

Because, for me, that will always be the summer

Been kind of busy lately, what with Susie starting to..

Before this room is filled with tear gas,

Behind the scenes on the set of Family Guy

Being a slave is a much worse job

Being on this show reminds me

Besides, we've both seen what Stewie's become:

Bet you didn't know.

Better not be for desserts.

Between vaccinations and autism

Big Pete, help!

Bill too crinkly!

Billy, this guy in this book here

Bird!

Bitch, I don't care

Black as night

Black as sin, know what I'm saying?

Blue collar guy than I expected

Boom

Boy, and I thought the Federal Hill bakery had nice buns.

Boy, can't beat this weather..

Boy, I have a whole new respect for Hayden Panettiere

Boy, we picked quite a week to document

Brian, all we want is for parents to have the choice

Brian, bad news

Brian, don't mess this up.

Brian, I can't go. I'm not feeling well.

Brian, it's not your break

Brian, step out of the vehicle

Brian, there's some bad people in here

Brian, this does not seem appropriate

Brian, this seems as good a time as any.

BRIAN: Ah, it's just Billy.

BRIAN: Stewie, is this about anything

Brian? (chuckles) Who are you, my father?

Bring out the snakes!

Bringing in that fat slob?!

BRITISH NARRATOR: Upon realizing a trip to Africa

Bublé over here says he's gonna be a singer.

Buh bye, Lennie

Bumblr with a Tumblr

Bumblr with a Tumblr eventually aired as Bamblr with a Famblr,

Burning in a cardboard house?

But a lazy son who does not make me proud?

But apparently, he's looking to diversify his holdings.

But at least I'm leaving with my dignity

But before we get started, do you own

But can I leave early for a dentist appointment?

But don't you think that's unhealthy?

But everything comes to an end eventually, a and you just..

But first we go to commercial while our sports reporter smiles

But first, congratulations to our very own Tricia Takanawa

But first, let's watch a safety video

But first: pilot strike at Quahog Airport

But he did have to earn it.

But he explained that his phone number

But he he's he's pretty bad

But he went by the Prophet when times were good,

But he'll find out tomorrow at the table read

But I ain't talking to you

But I also kind of feel like there might be scary parts

But I am quick to anger. Okay, great

But I do need to make that spreadsheet or I'm fired.

But I don't care if they like it, Chris

But I don't know, I'll never see it.

But I don't remember having to read any of this

But I don't remember how long I set it..

But I had a feeling that I, Nick "The Situation" Carraway,

But I know now that I'm nothing without all of you

But I like your effort, Luis

But I love it when a man confesses

But I made a promise to my body

But I made all these deviled eggs

But I need to know something

But I pretended not to see.

But I sure do enjoy driving your car

But I wasn't gonna tell Huck, 'cause he claimed

But I'm afraid we are out of time.

But I've been in charge of this office for 16 years..

But I've never actually seen one in person

But imperceptibly more classy mansion

But it doesn't mean anyth... IPDE that

But it doesn't seem like your fans like this

But it happened hundreds of pages ago

But it turns out Chris is a great pitcher

But it turns out the seasonal Santa we hired

But it's okay; it's for gambling

But just didn't have the guts to do it,

But let's go rough up a teenager for beer money!

But let's see if we can get him back next week

But listen, everybody, I realized something

But maybe it's for the best

But Meg still got chicken pox.

But my hot piece of ass wife says no way

But not me. 'Cause I don't like root beer

But now that I'm a gigolo, I'm making money by the fistful

But now you owe me

But now, after our research, we're definitely not

But obviously, you know,

But of course, every episode of Family Guy

But only after I screamed myself into a blackout

But oral stuff while you're driving?

But please stitch me up

But remember, if there's any trouble,

But she's what Derek calls an Oppressing Doubter

But shortly afterwards,

But sir, if word got out about this, it'd be one

But sir..

But that light you've been looking at

But that's the business we call "show

But the back of the seat in front of it is wet.

But the clock is ticking on Stewie's cuteness.

But the point is she hurt us, Carter

But the situation here has become unbearable.

But then I did some research

But there was a time when Snapple ruled the nation

But they sure do listen to Def Leppard pretty loud

But they're going to kill us all!

But tomorrow you should come wearing those.

But tonight they'll be filming the show without Peter Griffin

But tonight, I'm here to take you

But Uber's still a great job

But we just don't see another option

But we'll also have a sign in the front that says,

But we'll find you someone

But we're the entertainment.

But while I do that, why don't you face away from me

But while I have you, your bill remains unpaid,

But why are you so down?

But yeah, you're you're right, it... I I do

But you better keep those goggles

But you can watch movies on it

But you can't get into the pool without a room key

But you don't even know what it is

But you got to work. I set up five appointments

But you make your bodyguards carry your purse.

But you should take it with alcohol.

But you're so nice and normal

But, Dad, the prom is tonight. Over

But, Lois, if Chris wins that game,

But, uh, sure, I'm in.

But, yeah, I'll set it up

But, you know you know what, that's fine.

But, you know, it's not just the Griffins

But... I don't understand

Butch told me to follow my heart.

By foisting garbage and poison upon our children.

By my dishonorable discharge.

By not getting you immunized.

By not vaccinating your child?

C

Called "Tinkles."

Calm down. This is how they package Snapple now

Can get out of the (bleep) car

Can I finger you?

Can I fit this in?

Can I just give you 20 bucks to drop me off?

Can I wear Grandpa's jacket now?

Can we afford this?

Can we go for ice cream?

Can you find it in yourself to forgive me,

Can you grab my belt?

Can you show me how to turn off the flashlight on my phone?

Can you tell me where I can find extension cords?

Can't do it. Let's get him fired

Can't I just work at it and mind my own business?

Can't miss it. Green light on a dock

Captain Cockpit, my friend is about to get married,

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

Carter, I I'm starting to feel bad for Tricia

Case closed

Cash it fast

Cast your gaze upon...

Chad, we got to talk about this report

Channel Five News audience

Charlie, don't forget what happened to the boy

Chateau Marmont Hotel, where I once engaged

Check, check, check, Malia, Obama.

Check, check, Malia.

Check, Obama.

Checking out the hot chick by the door

Chicken burrito, please

Childhood vaccination rates in Quahog have dropped

Children's songs are written by adults.

Chris Griffin, Stewie and Brian,

Chris, could you please get Hannah a thank you basket

Chris, I have $1,100 in a paint can in the garage.

Chris, there you are. We need to talk.

Chris, this is no job for a teenage boy.

Chris, this is your mother.

Chris, what happened?

Chris, what the hell are you doing?!

Chris, what the hell is that?

Chris, you came. Oh, my God!

Chris, you're supposed to whisper that to the next person.

Chris, your father's a jackass

CHRIS: We're backwards!

Chris?

Chris?

Chris? What are you guys doing here?

Christmas is gonna be sick!

Church? What are you, an idiot?

Cleveland Brown and his band of Brown Renown

CLEVELAND: We died

Cleveland's stealing shot glasses!

Come on, Brian. You and I should probably rehearse.

Come on, come on, almost there

Come on, hurry up, get in! (rock music playing)

Come on, I'll show you my place

Come on, kid with a bright future

Come on, Lois. After all,

Come on, Stewie, it's not about her.

Come on!

Comes crawling back, and we shoot the real script

Coming up next,

Coming up, why one hello a day

Coming!

Cool!

COP: I think I hear something in the attic

Cosby.

Could capture his story, as well

Could could we just cut Brian's mic?

Could huck rotten apples at passing cars

Could make you very ill and, left untreated, kill you

Crazy for love

Crop them all!

Crop them, Meg!

Cut it off, cut it off!

Cut!

D Do you have enough to, you know, throw?

Dad refuses to interact with any actors on set

Dad told me I have to lose the championship game on purpose

Dad, are you sure it's okay that we took Brian's car?

Dad, can I have 50 bucks for a shamrock tattoo?

Dad, I got bullied at school!

Dad, look, Santa's here!

Dad, this is acne

Dad, why are you still wearing that Santa suit?

Dad!

Daddy, what's this about?

Daisy Buchanan

Daisy's in love with me

Damn it, he covered all bases

Damn it, it's bad

Damn it, Peter, thanks to you,

Damn it, Stewie, you got me fired!

Damn it! I can't believe my kid

Damn it.

Damn, Quagmire!

Dang, Quagmire, you're lucky

David Spade, enters

David, the line is, "What's for dinner?"

Dean Martin, Jr., Joey Bishop, Jr

Dear God, you're burning up!

Death, death, death, death, death, death, death,

Death, death, death.

Designed to terrorize you into being a responsible motorist

Did I get a job?

Did Peter screw something up at work?

Did Quagmire get a horse?

Did you get a job? Bitch

Did you have any questions about the artist?

Did you just say "couch," but pronounce it strangely

Did you make it out of the food court?

Did you pass your driver's test?

Did you see the way he smirked?

Did you tell Chris he had to lose

Did you win the lottery? No

Didn't Grandma say he was born in Mexico?

Didn't have time for him tonight,

Didn't know what it meant.

Do I look crazy?!

Do it, Charlie!

Do not take my songs off the list.

Do you even know what that means?

Do you even realize the harm you've caused?

Do you know that the number of childhood vaccines

Do you think I'm ever gonna be able to have..

Doctor, the alien attack has begun!

Does he just come to all of our shows?

Does it bother me that he does this every week?

Does it does it sound through the mic

Doing jokes about the newspaper for years

Doing something stupid, everybody grab a GoPro.

Don't apologize. They seem nice

Don't believe me?

Don't do that. We don't like that.

Don't eat too much turkey tomorrow

Don't forget, I was in that elevator with Jay Z

Don't I... don't I need to fill out a form or..

Don't judge me

Don't look away

Don't mind me

Don't put it on

Don't say "fake selling

Don't touch my phone!

Don't want to get a code vi

Don't worry, I already took care of that

Don't worry, Lois. I'll get rid of it

Don't worry, there'll be plenty of girls for you.

Don't you bring him into this.

Don't you realize you're contributing

Don't you start with this

Donna, I'm here with Scott Thorpe

Door was unlocked

Dress up like iconic movie characters

Drunk. Don't forget drunk

Due to weather in Philly!

Dungarees are jeans!

E Excuse me

Earned your money a little bit more recently than me

Easy. I figured out the perfect way

Eat this, for this is my dust!

Effective immediately, you're the guy at the office

Eh, I don't know

Eh, it might be a little too late for that.

Eh, who else but Quagmire?

Eh? Right?

Eight years ago, Glenn opened a restaurant where he was

Empty the register.

End of the series moment where we turn out the lights

Episode, entitled, "Peter Dies (We're Really Serious, No Joke,

Especially last year, when I discovered

Even Broken Arm Coyote with Washboard.

Even one more stupid idea!

Even though he looks like a wet baby horse.

Even though we came in a different car

Eventually, I might want to try it again.

Ever hear of IPDE, jackass?

Every child here has seen a relative

Every single snowflake is exactly alike

Every successful restaurant has a hook or a gimmick

Every time somebody says "my way

Every week, Peter becomes a diva

Everybody good? Yep?

Everybody keeps talking about?

Everybody looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr

Everybody on!

Everybody pronounces it wrong.

Everybody take a chance on Whack a Big a Pussy!

Everybody, I've come up with the perfect plan to catch the bat

Everyone else will start chuckling

Everyone hates you, Chris

Everything in my head is screaming

Everything will be fine, as long as I take one of these

Ew, that's the tushie thermometer

Eww

Exactly

Exactly what I wanted to hear.

Excuse me, are you the lady selling the bullhorn?

Excuse me, Joe

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me? Uh, could I have your attention please? Hi

Excuse me. How many BTUs does this grill have?

Fact: "vaccinate" rhymes with "masturbate

Fact: I still think Michelle Williams is Carey Mulligan

Fact: vaccinations cause autism,

Fact!

Family, I want you to meet Tricia Takanawa

Feather on a string.

Featuring the Minions

FEMALE EMPLOYEE: Everyone, let's remember,

Fever, severe allergic reaction, muscle and joint pain"?

Final boarding call for Ashley's flight

Finally, the stripper's here!

Fine, go ahead! It's not gonna be the same!

Fine, we're going!

Five is is probably good

Fix it, or you're fired

Follow the money

Follow your heart.

For a chance to win a free lunch?

For a Cheerios commercial

For an awkward dinner

For anyone afraid to sell their blood

For Christmas when I was 12? Nothing

For dinner with a kid

For doing what I say?

For every guest, and yes, next to that, of course,

For instance, I've already Saran Wrapped Chris

For just a few Oh, my God!

For my start up business, DiscreetCrepe.com

For no apparent reason,

For one thing, no more T shirts or dungarees in the work place.

For quite some time

For the first time ever, you'll see what a typical

For the high school team?

For the last time, I don't want it

Forget it, just get in

Form media super team

Frank comps every meal.

Frank, where the hell is everybody?

Frank, you're the hook! That's right

Free burritos, free orange chicken,

Free pretzels

Freeze!

Friday night is tape night here at Family Guy,

From a tea I had several days ago?

From dressing in horse themed leather gear.

From now on I'm going to ask that you wear these shoes

From now on, you call them "chair people

From the fat man but not Lois

From the leader of the anti vaccination movement,

From the snakes, we have some fun music for y...

Fruit has seeds you can poo out!

Gail, is your Internet working?

Gail, you were supposed to be gone an hour ago

Gail?

Game of Thrones is on just a reminder

Gas and sandwiches!

Geez, Chris, come on. You're in high school.

Geez, look at this line.

Geez, this is worse than the Widow Douglas' house.

Geez, what was that about?

German things!

Get a load of Stewie.

Get back here! Damn it!

Get him off me!

Get in

Get in.

Get in.

Get out some of that aggression, so I thought you and me

Get out there and help the customers

Get out there! Yes, sir.

Get these dildos out of the dishwasher.

Get up to that bar and earn your keep

Get your gas and sandwiches!

Get your hands off me!

Gets the drop on him and kills him first

Getting all the attention that you deserve.

Girl, you nasty.

GIRL: No! Bill too crinkly!

Give me the glue

Given this surprising development,

Glad to have you back on the nice list

Glasses

Go again

Go through a rigorous testing process before filming

Go to DiscreetCrepe

Go to hell, Glenn Quagmire!

Go, go, go!

God knows how far he's gone

God, I hate everybody who's not backstage.

God, I'm so embarrassed

God, Quagmire, most of that was horrible

God, what's she doing here?

God, you are aging so rapidly

God, you're gorgeous

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker

Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker

Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker

Good Lord

Good luck with those book reports.

Good luck.

Good news. Stewie's hand looks fine

Good night, everybody.

Good night, gender transitioned co worker

Good night, Peter

Good, good. And how about you? Tell me about yourself.

Good, it's grandfathered in. Thought I'd need a variance

Goodnight, kids

Got to do some more picketing

Grab my tool belt

Grandpa san, how bad was the bad door?

Great

Great

Great crowd, babe.

Great to finally meet you

Great, just what I needed, a lecture from liberal Hollywood.

Great, let's do it

Great. Just a couple of errands and we'll get you there

Great. Now let's all go home.

Great. She's..

Griffin, you're fired!

Griffin? What are you doing here?

Groceries.

Guess who I just scored as my date to the homecoming dance

Guys in my crew call me "The Ratchet

Guys, tonight the drinks are on me

Ha, you're on

Ha! Nice work, Pedro!

Ha! This guy

Had to stop at the dry cleaner

Handling this money and then touching my eyeball.

Handmade blankets.

Hang on, I got to get 20 seconds of room tone

Happy Birthday Charlie and Uncle Craig.

Hard to argue with that

Harm? What are you talking about?

Has a drinking problem

Has been nominated for a local Emmy

Has been talking about kicking you out of the band.

Has bought the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery

Has tripled in the last generation?

Hasn't been invented yet

Have a good life, Mr. G

Have all been returned.

Have fun raising my bastard.

Have sex with my wife, so I figured, you know

Have we pulled an object off a plant

Have you seen some of the delis on Federal Hill?

Haven't you heard?

He actually said he wanted cheap, toxic materials

He ain't gonna do nothing.

He could mow lawns or or babysit.

He did it. He dragged me out here

He didn't see me hook shot that apple core

He died of measles

He doesn't know we're following him, Joe.

He entered rehab, and that's where he found Jesus.

He has tiny hands but when one of my rings

He lived happily ever after

He messes with me, I mess with him

He must've gotten out of the house.

He says he's gonna get out of here.

He says he's in charge of the group, is that true?

He still runs Dumpy's, but I'm pretty sure that one's legit

He storms out, then by Friday's taping,

He take care of you

He tried to Google it on his phone

He was clearly playing with himself through his pocket,

He was dirty, Ma!

He was impressed?

He was in Grown Ups, Joe Dirt,

He was shot in the head while killing himself

He what?!

He'll only rehearse with helium balloons

He's a big, fat baby.

He's Dead and Never Coming Back)

He's getting on people's nerves

He's gonna come in and watch me in the bathroom

He's got a date with me.

He's got a white suit on

He's like a naughty 53 year old boy

He's my child,

He's not peeing in Snapple bottles on set,

He's over there playing that carnival game.

He's really getting the business yikes!

He's right. This is tremendous

He's started to respond positively

He's the bad guy

He's the one who keeps his key in the visor

He's washing sex toys for Quagmire?

Heart's beatin' fast

Hell, I used to work here. What?

Hell, I'll do it, if you want!

Hello, citizen

Hello, everyone. So happy you came

Hello, friends

Hello, ladies.

Hello, Mother

Hello, room service? I'd like a bottle

Hello?

Hello. I got you a present.

Hello. Welcome to my party

Help us, HBO camera crew!

Help us, pimps and hos!

Her grandchildren call her by her first name?

Her locker's right over there

Her name is..

Here at the Chinese Theatre, where panhandlers

Here I go with the check

Here in the props department,

Here it is!

Here we are, fellas.

Here you go, Warren

Here you go.

Here you go. Yeah, none of this really matters

Here, let me show you

Here's a little something for your trouble

Here's flowers and crop tops

Here's Huckleberry Finn

Here's one right here: The Great Gatsby.

Here's what happens to heroes

Here's your tux back, bye!

Hey guys, a time period called

Hey guys, you hear that?

Hey there, strangers

Hey there, strong guy

Hey there! You must be Huck.

Hey, any mail for me?

Hey, awesome cameo

Hey, baby, you want to party?

Hey, Bri, look over there

Hey, Bublé, I got a tune for you to sing.

Hey, Butch, you hear that?

Hey, Butch.

Hey, careful

Hey, Carter? We're gonna be okay

Hey, champ, what you doing?

Hey, Chris

Hey, Chris Griffin

Hey, Chris, get in here

Hey, Chris, wait here. I'm gonna see what's going on.

Hey, could you have your guy hit "two"?

Hey, Dad?

Hey, did you just high five that sign?

Hey, do you like apples?

Hey, don't kick him, Muddy Shoes

Hey, everyone, cuchi, cuchi

Hey, Frank, we have to talk

Hey, give her a break, man.

Hey, Grandpa,

Hey, hey! That is offensive

Hey, Hodor, stop coming on to my slutty wife!

Hey, honey, this is Santa

Hey, honey, you shopping for groceries?

Hey, how are you? Look what I got for you

Hey, I was just showing the viewers around Family Guy,

Hey, I wonder if she's gonna keep the band going.

Hey, I'm freezing

Hey, I'm Scott Fitzgerald

Hey, I'm your abusive dad,

Hey, is that your ex girlfriend, Olivia?

Hey, it's Nick from The Great Gatsby

Hey, kids, have you seen my wallet?

Hey, let's keep this party rolling.

Hey, listen, buddy

Hey, listen, my dog just had puppies, and I thought

Hey, Lois, you should do

Hey, look, I don't know if you guys are really staying here,

Hey, man, how many questions your lady ask?

Hey, man, we should get out of here;

Hey, maybe you could drive me around and help me out,

Hey, Muscles, what's taking so long?

Hey, nice going, Chris!

Hey, Olivia, hey, what brings you here?

Hey, pal, not now, I'm busy.

Hey, pal, where we heading again?

Hey, Peter.

Hey, Peter. Hey, what have you been watching on TV lately?

Hey, Quagmire, I couldn't help but notice

Hey, Quagmire, what's going on?

Hey, Santa Claus, you going home soon?

Hey, she already posted a response

Hey, Smitty, I'm here to get my show back.

Hey, sorry I'm late, guys

Hey, Stewie

Hey, Stewie, don't listen to those guys.

Hey, Stewie, seriously,

Hey, there oh

Hey, Ton'!

Hey, we'll see you down in Brown Town, huh, Cleveland?

Hey, what are you in for?

Hey, what ever happened with Grandma?

Hey, what if it's spelled with an A at the end of it?

Hey, what the hell is up with this letter?

Hey, what the hell's going on?

Hey, what, did you go skiing this weekend?

Hey, what's up? I'm just going to Quahog Stadium

Hey, where's Chris?

Hey, which one of you threw that apple at my car?

Hey, whose party is this?

Hey, Widow Douglas, I want to live with my dad!

Hey, yeah. Nice tam o' shanter

Hey, you ever go in a hot tub when it's snowing outside?

Hey, you guys, is that my laptop?

Hey, you know what?

Hey, you were right about office Christmas parties

Hey, you're a hefty guy.

Hey. Are you crazy?

Hey. I had a thought about our costumes for today's show.

Hey. I'm Mark Twain

Hey. No

Hey. Where you drinking that Chardonnay?

Hi

Hi, everybody

Hi, Grandpa

Hi, handsome

Hi, I'm a crossing guard who can walk,

Hi, I'm a medical guy,

Hi, I'm Chadwick Redmayne from the regional office.

Hi, I'm James Woods

Hi, Kara

Hi, Taylor

Hi, Taylor. Stewie Griffin. I'm your biggest fan

Hi, there

Hi. I'm Taylor Swift

Hi. It's me, Peter

Hi. Peter Griffin, leering dad

Hi. Uh, I'd like to be an Uber driver

Hi. You must be Chris. I'm Taylor

Hint, hint.

His arm is

His humming sounds like my table's ready at Chili's.

His name is Baymax, you gorgeous moron!

Hit it, Morty!

Hmm, maybe you're right

Hmm, no pirate hat, but I'll make it work

Hmm?

Hmm?

Ho ho! I like you, Sean Penn.

Ho, ho, ho.

Ho, ho, ho. Yeah, sure, all of it.

Hold on, Peter.

Hold on!

Holy crap, a hundred bucks!

Holy crap, get your ass up there!

Holy crap, this is awesome!

Holy crap! What?!

HOOKER 1: I never liked prostitutes

HOOKER 2: I turned my first trick

Hop in the back

Hopefully, the pilot strike will end soon

Horses that make it look like I can walk,

Hot chee wawa!

How about both?

How am I supposed to do that?!

How are you feeling, Miss Piggy?

How could you let him do this disgusting stuff?

How David Lynch Stole Christmas

How did you get a hernia?

How did you sleep last night?

How do you like them apples?

How does it look?

How far the drop is

How he said it, but that was the gist

How much the show, and how much my family, means to me

How nice.

How wasted are you?

How would I even ask her?

How would you get him fired?

How'd it go?

How'd you book a gig so fast?

Huck! Great news! I'm free!

Huckleberry Finn, you get inside this house this minute

Huh

Huh, maybe.

Huh. (squeaking)

Huh. I got to get a computer

Huh. I guess that Brian Griffin is a good egg after all

Huh. I guess you're right.

Huh. I wonder if there's anyone in here

Huh. That'd be kind of nice, actually

Huh. This one's dry,

Hurry! I can't hold it!

I ad libbed that line

I agree, there's a lot about your character

I already been to church three times today

I already got an audition to be the caring dad

I already told you, I'm Santa Claus

I also need a couple for the girl I'm babysitting

I always sing about high school,

I am a dancer, not a gigolo!

I am in the full, upright and locked position

I am just so busy, I I don't have any time

I am taking back my TV show and my family

I am. My name's Huck Finn.

I appreciate you trying it my way

I ate this morning talking, but I think that's a swell idea

I believe that's ours.

I believe that's still seasonal,

I believe we've been out here a long time,

I bet he's mad I told the news about him

I bet you a hundred bucks that "fat slob" strikes this kid out

I bet you if Joey was giving it to you, you'd take it

I better call you a Lyft

I better get home

I bought this remote controlled toy helicopter,

I call that Momma Liked to Party.

I called you "Muscles

I can get a hundred dogs to fit that stupid blue shirt.

I can't believe I got fired

I can't believe it

I can't believe we made all this in one game

I can't believe you didn't see it!

I can't believe you guys

I can't do this. I'm out

I can't find Stewie

I can't hear this! I won't hear it!

I can't quit. I'm actually good at this job.

I can't remember why I needed the blood

I can't work.

I can't, Zach! I need them to sing!

I come down here to think every night

I could put this boat sized hunk of lumber in?

I could wear a shirt that's both red and blue,

I couldn't even stay awake during that description

I crushed my skull on a bumper!

I did

I didn't come to see your Pretenders cover band

I didn't even ask

I didn't know we'd be doing this pimp thing,

I didn't mean to

I didn't realize this was a trial

I didn't realize this was your car

I didn't think it would matter

I didn't... I didn't realize there was an agenda.

I don't believe this

I don't care about that

I don't care!

I don't care. I don't need you.

I don't even remember what I said

I don't know how to turn on the oven

I don't know if he can hold on much longer

I don't know that one

I don't know what that is on account of being dull

I don't know what that means,

I don't know what they do up there,

I don't know, Brian, it looks straight to me

I don't know, he saw that in a movie or something.

I don't know, I'm just getting a funny vibe from you

I don't know, I've just been so horny today

I don't know, I've never played baseball before.

I don't know, man

I don't know, Peter

I don't know.

I don't know. I just locked him in the library

I don't know. I'm just saying,

I don't know. It just seems like

I don't know. It's all just jokes

I don't know. Probably some dog

I don't like drinking NyQuil out of them little cups

I don't mean that like a psycho, I just..

I don't recognize you.

I don't see him

I don't think Daisy said you could drive her car

I don't think that's right

I don't understand

I don't want it

I don't want it.

I don't want the cool kids to know I'm your dad.

I don't... Uh, no, I don't think so

I feel like Jessica Simpson's dad

I feel like our days at this mall are numbered

I feel totally comfortable around you

I finished my investigation

I followed you

I give you Of Mice and Men

I got a free burrito!

I got a free iPhone case and a tiny license plate

I got a good feeling about you guys

I got a lot of guys coming through here

I got a towel, but it's wet because I'm eating peaches.

I got an internship

I got ideas.

I got Sofía Vergara deported

I got to get down to the business center

I got to get out of here

I got to get this home to my family for supper.

I got to go to the church

I got to hand it to you, Brian, you were a better

I got to talk to this random mechanic's horny wife

I got you now, Bat Damon

I got your text

I guess

I guess her name is Irene

I guess I don't have any sons now

I guess I just got caught up in the money

I guess it's worth a shot.

I guess she manipulated both of us.

I had a great day with the fat son

I had no idea he had so much pent up aggression

I had sex for dinner and drinks.

I had to buy it from a really creepy guy

I hate this shirt. Switch shirts. Switch shirts!

I have a card for that

I have a hobby that takes me this way

I have a poo poo diaper.

I have an idea.

I have to admit, it's a little strange

I have to confiscate your license,

I have to get out of here!

I haven't been this excited

I haven't been this excited about anything

I hear on SNL the women are funnier than the guys now,

I hear Sansa finally shows boob in this one

I heard you called in sick yesterday.

I heard you lost your license,

I hope my shoe doesn't fall to make me realize

I hope this isn't too boring for you.

I hope you don't mind I made the band

I hope you like it here

I hope you like The Offspring

I hope you've realized that vaccinations are not

I I assumed it was a goof this whole time

I I bet this is all Chris' dream

I I can't... I don't... I I'm in the car

I I don't know about this, Dr. Hartman

I I don't know what that means

I I don't know why you always ask for that

I I don't know, it's just a set of teeth

I I don't watch Modern Family, sorry

I I don't, I don't think I can do this

I I got to, I got to take control

I I guess maybe I just needed

I I guess men's?

I I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid

I I I I don't, I don't know what you're saying

I I mean, there's no hard feelings, um, I just feel like

I I mean, we're not, we're not landing planes here

I I only know that because I saw a coupon

I I really wouldn't know

I I thought you said Taylor had a good time the other night.

I I.. Who who are you mad at, Brian?

I I'm not, I'm not a psycho!

I I'm your new neighbor, Nick Carraway

I I've been going through our receipts,

I if Chris wants money for something,

I in fact, I was just about to melt some cheese on chips

I Is, is it your line?

I just assumed you were my Uber

I just checked in, and somebody left their teeth here

I just found out I'm part of the downsizing you announced

I just hate to see Brian

I just keep my stuff in stupid mansions

I just made $500 flipping a Honda

I just need enough blood to make it look real

I just ran home to get the big sled

I just saw your video,

I just skipped that rock six times!

I just wish I could talk to her

I just won a hundred bucks off Chris's baseball game

I just...

I kind of destroyed all the vaccines in town.

I kind of want to see Guardians of the Galaxy,

I know

I know

I know

I know something that might distract

I know, it's great

I know!

I know. I totally should, right? Here I go

I know. I'll fake my own death

I know. They don't want to hear it, though

I learned that from my old buddies:

I lied about the hobby

I like mine black

I like that it's getting dark earlier

I like this suit, and I'm keeping it

I like to kill animals and then a lady.

I like you, too, Taylor

I lost my virginity to this song

I love this job!

I made it to the border

I made my own video and posted it

I mean, after all, it's a song for babies.

I mean, Dad's the only one in the whole production

I mean, even if the pictures had not been sent directly to him,

I mean, he was there for me when I hit rock bottom.

I mean, I could use the extra money

I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up

I mean, it's not the first time I pretended to be someone else.

I mean, look, there's two baseball guys

I mean, my days are pretty open,

I mean, there's only so many jars I can open for one man

I mean, you know, he's not Jim Belushi

I might be doing a Duets thing with that Lady Goo Ga

I miss her so much, Griffin

I moved onto his prayer farm with 45 other members

I named you Bat Damon

I need that health insurance. You know I have a hernia

I need to know that you're gonna say yes

I need to live like a bat. So I got to be up at night

I once dressed as a farmer

I only let you think that

I ordered the brewery to start making beer cans

I really only need two of you.

I ruin relationships with nice guys and John Mayer

I said Caitlyn Jenner wasn't brave and beautiful

I say, that sounds fun

I see no boob bones; the victim was a man

I see Stewie hasn't had his vaccinations yet

I sell Vicodin to some of the producers

I set up one of those Kickstarters

I showed you who every locker belongs to.

I sleep with him to find out,

I smiled at one girl in a cell phone store,

I snuck up to the attic just before the cops busted in.

I suppose he had his demons

I suppose I didn't treat you so well either.

I swear, Mama Tricia,

I take all kinds of bets

I think I am

I think I could keep down deviled eggs

I think it's ready to post

I think it's time to talk about your future with the band.

I think my hernia ruptured!

I think that's pretty standard, Frank, but okay

I think we're all sorry about that, Brian,

I think you and I should kick Stewie out.

I think you know what I want

I think you mean "Happy Holidays."

I thought we had a real connection.

I thought working in a cubicle

I thought you had the day off.

I thought you were supposed to be doing a news story on Carter,

I took him to the ER and he said he'd pass me

I tuck my jeans into my boots!

I understand you like to pick fruit.

I want a horse!

I want it to hang down to my knees

I want our beer cans made from the cheapest material possible.

I want to build multiple bears

I want to fly an old plane

I want to make bruschetta.

I want to sit on his lap

I want to stay home and play Angry Birds

I want your best, and I won't stand for

I wanted to be in school, sir

I wanted to talk to you

I wanted you to know

I was a boy, no more than 11 or 12

I was almost eaten alive by an escalator

I was counting on this helicopter thing working

I was in the middle of a cleanse.

I was just a boy husking corn

I was just comin' in for the spaghetti

I was scared meeting a celebrity,

I was sent home early and labeled a distraction.

I was sinning

I was sweating that pilot strike,

I was the chatty guy

I was thinking of asking Kara Morris

I was wondering, um, if you'd like to go

I wasn't even supposed to talk

I wasn't sure. I'm sure

I wasn't. Not until the strike, anyway.

I wish you wouldn't drink so much

I wonder if I can tell you

I wonder if that's the worst thing

I work out my right arm three times a day

I would like to thank our guests Taylor Swift,

I would think that's impossible

I would've gone if I knew they were gonna do a painting

I wouldn't miss this for all the rush hour fares in Bigtown.

I, for one, am enjoying the indoor family time

I..

I... I thought we were in love

I... I work here

I... will take this

I'd expect this kind of thing

I'd give you a delicate, snow white, newborn puppy

I'd hate to lose it all because of making poor choices

I'd like that

I'd like to see her again in two weeks.

I'd pay you for your time

I'd rather work for Doctor Frankenstein

I'll be able to get that vaccine I need.

I'll be out a ton of money and I'll have to kiss a fella!

I'll be right there

I'll buy it. Hold on, now, Huck

I'll drink your finger bowl if you don't want it

I'll get Lois. She can take you to the hospital

I'll get the gun!

I'll get the table myself

I'll get you, you stupid, giant moron

I'll give you a no seatbelt car ride

I'll give you an escort.

I'll go floppy dead weight on you!

I'll go get us another badly scratched

I'll just do what Superman does

I'll just go have a dog style celebration by myself.

I'll just have to go around them

I'll never wear that Santa suit again

I'll take someone in Daisy's car.

I'll talk about the show. The show sucks

I'll tell you that much.

I'll tell you what my problem is: I'm doing all the work

I'll tell you what the problem is

I'll tell you what:

I'll tell you who should be saying his prayers, Santa

I'm a gigolo

I'm a grizzled, seen it all veteran cop,

I'm a mom, so I love this

I'm a runaway slave

I'm a worse person than you think.

I'm actually really happy

I'm actually very hungry

I'm afraid sledding has been banned in Quahog

I'm afraid we're evicting you from the hotel

I'm afraid you ran a red light

I'm also gonna pet a bunch of dogs without asking

I'm begging you, just give me one more chance!

I'm bringing vaccines into your quarantined town

I'm calling Quagmire right now and putting an end to this.

I'm changing the channel. I like both of them

I'm especially going to miss the Fat Man's bit

I'm famous, but I'm really nice.

I'm glad you like it

I'm going to bed

I'm going to drive away backwards now

I'm going to Harvard Yale tomorrow

I'm gonna ask him for a family trampoline.

I'm gonna be a singer.

I'm gonna come to you and ask for a favor

I'm gonna fast forward

I'm gonna get out of this place one day.

I'm gonna go across that river

I'm gonna go feed everything in my van to each other.

I'm gonna go use a miter to jerry rig a shim jamb

I'm gonna have to plane her down

I'm gonna keep looking around the room

I'm gonna make you the proudest Tiger Mom of all!

I'm gonna need some help, Rupert

I'm gonna require you to have a standing desk

I'm gonna stab you for your blood

I'm gonna stir up some drama, make this party interesting

I'm happy with you

I'm happy with you, too.

I'm here to apologize.

I'm I'm sorry, whose line is it?

I'm in love!

I'm James Woods, and we'll close tonight with a supercut

I'm just gonna slowly pull out this tape measure,

I'm just trying to reinvent my look

I'm like to read 'em myself

I'm makin' a spaghetti angel.

I'm making the world a better place

I'm not allowed to talk about it

I'm not doing anything

I'm not familiar with him

I'm not going back to that four person bed!

I'm not gonna lie to you,

I'm not in that guy's library anymore

I'm not sure that's a great idea

I'm not sure. Women aren't allowed to ask questions yet

I'm not vaccinated against.

I'm not. You took a pretty hard right turn back there

I'm out of money. I I had to do something.

I'm over here

I'm recommending you go on a strict diet immediately.

I'm riding with Gatsby, I don't care which car

I'm runnin' away 'cause people want me

I'm Santa Claus

I'm so happy you could be here tonight

I'm so proud of the money I won betting on him

I'm sorry

I'm sorry about all this

I'm sorry I took advantage of your good name.

I'm sorry, but Mondays are Asian only.

I'm sorry, George, I didn't mean to kill the girl,

I'm sorry, I just..

I'm sorry, Ma!

I'm sorry, Meg, but you're grounded

I'm sorry, Mr

I'm sorry, Peter, but the production

I'm sorry, Rupert,

I'm sorry, sir

I'm sorry, sir

I'm sorry, sweetheart

I'm sorry, Tom

I'm sorry, uh, which cast member of Hee Haw are you?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I always do this

I'm sorry. You're in a Prius

I'm spent

I'm starting to think this isn't a very good book

I'm sure that's fine

I'm taking a wagon test in the morning

I'm telling you, this is exactly the kind of thing she would do

I'm the real Santa Claus

I'm there

I'm too young.

I'm trying to do something nice here!

I'm trying to protect myself from all those diseases

I'm ugly and unlovable

I'm your host and angel investor to the Fappening,

I'm your mother now.

I've always known you were

I've been a real jerk..

I've been drinking seltzer.

I've been driving for years

I've been hearing about your vast newly acquired wealth

I've been like this for a while.

I've been out of work for three weeks

I've been trying to reduce our staff costs for months,

I've brought enough vaccines for your whole town.

I've decided that as your new boss,

I've got all the stuff for our anti vaccination rally.

I've got it down to four bags and a hatbox.

I've got some monofilament line you can use.

I've got to say, Brian, it seems like you really did

I've got your EKG here

I've looked everywhere!

I've met Dan Aykroyd

I've never had a locker.

I've never seen so many shirts

I've seen what happens

Identified. Now predict

If a co worker wears shorts

If a girl like her went to homecoming with a guy like me

If I can just escape this quarantine

If I picked him up in an hour

If it isn't the sexy imbecile

If it weren't respectable,

If she says yes, you'll surprise everyone,

If we're in the funny horn era.

If you don't, you'll regret it

If you get there on time,

If you had an idea for a show

If you keep doing this

If you keep giving away food

If you need me, I'll be back in Palm Springs,

If you want a song a baby'll like,

If you want to stay for a sad, single guy dinner

If you worked on a fishing boat?

If you're calling to report a pregnancy, please fill out

If you're looking for a gym, Ye Olde Pump House is that way

Igor, I did it! Hold on

In fact, she's never loved you

In fact, with a fine son just like you, Peter

In front of all her peers.

In front of the old boob tube

In heavy trading

In the backseat of your car

In the consensual murder of an underaged prostitute

In the crotch with a bag of nickels

In the middle of the mall and cry.

In the other two stories, and I don't want..

In the wind of that rotating fan?

In the woods

In this suit I'm like a god.

In your target zone.

Inserted into the brewery's supply stream?

Inside Family Guy

Instead of working to change their own flaws

Instead of you driving it,

Instead, it's been nothing but tedium and cruelty.

Into Manhattan and get a hotel room

Into the garbage from way far away

Into..

Into..

IPDE Identify, Predict, Decide, Execute.

IPDE the car, Brian

IPDE, Brian, IPDE

IPDE: "Identify. Predict..."

Ironically, I assume.

Is 1 877 Kars 4 Kids.

Is a gay gym called The Pump House

Is actually going to be in our house

Is announcing that they play the kazoo,

Is anyone else feeling feverish, achy,

Is being able to come out here and get some fresh air

Is going to be the big, giant rabbit hutch

Is headed to the district championship,

Is it Kermit the Frog when he's wearing a trench coat?

Is it really you?

Is punch me in the stomach because I'm a bad person.

Is she worth it?

Is something that affects all of us

Is take one sip and she'll blow it out

Is that a baggie of catnip on your seat?

Is that a dead mouse?

Is that a giggity?

Is that all these gags are directed by James Cameron

Is that if a critical mass of society gets immunized,

Is that okay?

Is that rolled up ham for everyone?

Is that... is that a lot?

Is there gonna be another big war?

Is this a trick?

Is this the box? Yeah, that's it.

Is to put on this old fashioned baseball hat

Is what made me popular, but would it kill us

Isn't it?

Isn't making money for us anymore

Isn't that the dream?

It always ends badly for you two.

It could be anyone. Got it

It could be broken

It did also get me on the lot

It doesn't say "whites only," but... yeah

It happened for real!

It is! It really is!

It is. It looks deep enough

It is. There's a lot of choices here

It it just doesn't feel right

It it's actually Brian

It it's not helping me remember anything

It may be the five loaves of garlic bread

It might just be full body herpes.

It might just be Grandpa Munster.

It must be all the violence in movies and sex on TV

It says "Corey

It says don't take it with alcohol,

It says here that Carter Pewterschmidt

It says I have to make an incision,

It says I'm no longer covered on your health insurance

It says, "Hey, Joe, cancel your plans

It was a remake of Old Yeller where the dog

It was a trap!

It was called, CHRIS GRIFFIN: Teen Doctor

It was so nice to meet you all, except for the girl and the dog

It'll be a piece of cake.

It'll be nice having a little extra cash

It'll lead us right to him.

It'll make her instantly "triple" herself

It's "Ho, ho, ho."

It's a better world now

It's a hot crowd, have fun out there.

It's a lamp

It's a lot, and then nothing

It's a nocturnal mission, Lois

It's a river we can't control how fast it goes

It's a sexual fetishist who derives erotic pleasure

It's a state matter now.

It's a thumb. (screams)

It's a weird time to brag about your wife, Peter

It's a work vest from a little place called Mega Hardware

It's about my boyfriend Chris

It's about those six children watching and the spazzy kid

It's actually pretty awkward

It's all because everyone stopped vaccinating their kids

It's all our fault!

It's an iPad, you dumb cow!

It's bad enough you guys

It's been in my family for six generations

It's called Get Your Ass Back on the Forklift, Lunch is Over.

It's certainly not easy being a family

It's difficult having to give up my chair for the balloon

It's even seedier than it sounds

It's fine

It's for his job. He's workin' for Quagmire now.

It's from aisle eight, above the chains and cables

It's given me more time to pursue my true passion:

It's in 20 minutes!

It's it's still for boys, though

It's just being revealed now,

It's just this piano bar slash cabaret place

It's like, one day she's my Tiger Mom,

It's my dog's car

It's my married name.

It's never good

It's no wonder Mama Trish was so tough on me

It's not crap, Brian

It's not gonna work!

It's on the Griffin Family account.

It's on the house.

It's only one page

It's reversible, so I'd hate to lose it

It's snowing

It's so nice to finally meet you

It's straight

It's that Penthouse you found in the woods

It's the first snow of the season.

It's the furthest thing from a trick. Go ahead.

It's the only thing she knows

It's time for me to go

It's time to set things right.

It's time.

It's true. Even Jerry Seinfeld drank it

It's Tuesday morning. It's time for church

It's very irritating

It's where the love of my life lives,

It's where you work, Peter

It's working about as well as that animal sobriety checkpoint

It's your pool. It's your house

It's your suit!

It's, it's currently all orange groves

James Woods

James Woods is winning for now, but y'all never know

Jay Gatsby.

Jenny McCarthy.

Jerome, another round for my blurry friends

Jim? Jim?

Jim? Jim?

Jim. Nice to meet you

Joe, are you sure about these clothes?

Joe, I did not send you a text

Joe, I swear to you, I do not want to do that

Joe, what are you riding on?

Joey was a good boy

Judd Hirsch himself

Junior!

Just an everyday, working class Joe

Just as soon as I finish getting the word out

Just be careful and take your time

Just can't deal with all your nonsense anymore

Just Channel Five

Just drop and go

Just go down this dark alley

Just grabbing myself a cup of mud.

Just how desperate and pathetic you really are.

Just kind of making music together,

Just like Jesus' friend, Evan, who bailed on the Last Supper

Just like my cousin Freddie with the drugs.

Just like my penis enhancement

Just like the fat man is a pool party creep

Just like you did on New Year's Eve

Just look it up on your phone or something!

Just not part of the show

Just one of 'em?

Just so I can write songs about heartbreak and moving on

Just so you know, it takes me a long time

Just stop terrorizing me and take me off the naughty list

Just take that, and we'll never speak of this again.

Just take your little TV and go!

Just to keep the lights on

Just trying to make it to the weekend, so you can, uh..

Just two dollars

Kids all over town are getting sick

Kids love dogs.

Knock knock?

Ladies, this is your pilot speaking

Last time we ate here,

Learn something on that job

Leaves on a plane in five minutes.

Led by local meddler Peter Griffin,

Lestat.

Let me get my grandma.

Let me just get a garbage bag. Hold on

Let me make it up to you

Let me show you how a classy guy does classy stuff

Let the fear wash over you

Let us know if you want us to kill a guy

Let's everyone drive somebody else's car

Let's fool around

Let's get out of here. I called us an Uber

Let's go out to the dock

Let's go to Build A Bear." I didn't send you a..

Let's go!

Let's just do a quick run through of Little Brother.

Let's just play with Uncle Ricky instead

Let's put on something more child friendly.

Let's see what kind of Chinese pressed board garbage

Let's see you top..

Like a carefree hillbilly.

Like Cheers wasn't the same when they brought in Kirstie Alley.

Like clean water and functional schools,

Like Frankenstein, when he became a loan officer.

Like I did when I was a lounge singer

Like I'm saying dude? Should it be dude?

Like if they're Jets fans, we'll be all like,

Like talking to someone with adult braces

Like the Little Drummer Boy when he got really into Neil Peart

Like when I peed next to the chatty guy

Like when I was the Instagram police

Like when I won that sex contest

Like when you changed "pickle it good"

Like, five and a half feet.

Like, yes, I'm greased up

Listen to some of these ingredients:

Listen, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Chris

Listen, we're looking for field work,

Little known secret about Charlton Heston.

Lois enters, upset

Lois, all that so called evidence has been debunked

Lois, can I please have a dollar for the vending machine?

Lois, deciding not to vaccinate Stewie

Lois, everyone, I've left your mother,

Lois, I want pickles!

Lois, it's an Italian festival.

Lois, look!

Lois, what year was this house built?

Lois, what's going on?

Lois, what's wrong?

LOIS: No, Peter, it wasn't even close.

LOIS: Peter, Stewie's gone!

Lois! Fat Ass!

Look at Kermit and Miss Piggy.

Look at that. Look at the cake.

Look at this, guys

Look what her own life has been like

Look whose restaurant thinks it's so good!

Look, Brian, I affectionately pat all the waiters on the ass

Look, Brian, I was skeptical, too,

Look, don't get me wrong, guys, I I think it's hilarious,

Look, he's doing it again

Look, I can tell by the fact that you wear a single,

Look, I don't know who brought this on,

Look, I never should've treated you the way I did.

Look, I'm not very happy with you.

Look, I'm sorry, you guys,

Look, if you're in your own car you're in the wrong car

Look, Santa, I owe you an apology

Looking like an exact mash up of Lois and Peter.

Looks like we got us some new employees

Lord, I'm a tell ya,

Loud and clear.

Lucky

Ma!

Ma!

Ma! I'm sorry, Ma!

Ma! Ma!

Ma'am, I'd like to take your son into the woods

Madam, you forget yourself.

Made everybody an expert

Make it news!

MALE EMPLOYEE: Sorry, Barb

Man with a hat pulled up next to me

Man, that's, like, two seconds.

Man, there is a lot of bad art in these hallways

Man, this is the best job ever.

MAN: Peter

MAN: Welcome back to CNBC's Moneyline

MAN: 🎵 Bop, bop, bop, ba ba bah 🎵

May I use my penis donut?

May the light of Derek's Invincible Diamond

Maybe a little sun hat for Cindy?

Maybe from the store, but it's not like things

Maybe he can help you out, be your assistant.

Maybe I should be an Uber driver

Maybe if one of us just chuckles

Maybe it can just be my own personal choice,

Maybe it's time for you to go out

Maybe it's time he got a part time job.

Maybe it's us

Maybe the problem ain't Tricia, you know?

Maybe what she did to us was wrong, but sheesh,

Maybe, but first, let's have an unearned

MAYOR WEST: Call my mom!

Me and my adopted son have been waiting quite a while.

Me, too

Meanwhile, David Spade is making lots of friends on set

Meanwhile, everyone thinks Brian is the star of the group.

Meanwhile, Peter has wound up

Medical delivery for badass karate doctor

Meg, do you know how to use Microsoft Excel?

Meg, that was the last guy,

MEG: Dad, I'm scared

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, cash it fast

Merry Christmas, cash it fast. Merry Christmas, cash it fast.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Milk and cookies?

Mine's slow.

Mm hmm. Are you aware this is expired?

Mm, Free weights?

Mm, Gatsby, is it?

Mm, the "local" really hurts that

Mm. My word

Mmm, sounds good

Mmm, strawberry banana Nutella with raspberry drizzle!

Mommy's coming!

More alcohol and pot

More than once, if I have anything to do with it

More than you need, less than I want

Mornin'. ♪ Penis. ♪

Morning, Brian

Most amazing damn thing I ever did witness

Mother, please, I I'm being honored tonight

Mr

Mr. Pewterschmidt, I remind you, this is on the record

Mr. Redmayne, I don't know who you are,

Mr. Sinatra's son said it was free

Ms. Swift, your songwriting team is here.

Much less before Christmas.

Murdered in a barber chair

Musical entertainment, available for parties.

Musical entertainment, available for parties.

Must be serious

My answer is always, "Hey, lady, are we talking,

My bank account

My dad will drive long distances for ice

My eyes go in the same direction

My eyes hurt

My God, did you hear 'em, Stewie? We're a hit.

My online poker problem is burning like a wildfire

My pleasure

My pool guy's cleaning it

My question is this: may I lick your legs?

My schedule is wide ass open!

My sled has Dora on it

My Spanish homework

My time machine got a virus

My undiagnosed mom injury is flaring up.

Myrtle!

Name's Gatsby. Good to meet you, old sport

Nancy gets 60

NARRATOR: We meet Quagmire,

Nein! Nein!

Neither he nor his assistant is available.

Neither you or I have ever met.

Never heard of her

Never used toilet paper

Never, ever do this great thing I love

New happy Taylor

News flash, Peter, looks like you do

Next to the car that hit my wife

Nice to meet you both

Nicki Minaj..

No

No

No

No can do, amigo

No charge.

No climbing on the boat!

No more rainbows and unicorns.

No one take care of Irene

No one will ever be close to as good as her,

No one's allowed to pet me. It's illegal.

No problem.

No problem. It's just too bad you're not here every time

No talent, big footed freak

No way, this is my town.

No, baby stuff.

No, but thank you

No, Cleveland, these are my work clothes

No, he had no idea what I was talking about

No, I thought that was nice

No, I'll do it, and you can help.

No, I'm a pimp

No, I'm here because I've got important news

No, I'm I'm Rebecca.

No, I'm not putting them anywhere

No, I'm sorry

No, I'm talking about Chris

No, it's a euphemism.

No, it's true. Just like fingerprints

No, just take it

No, mostly JPEGs of Helen Hunt on my hard drive.

No, no

No, no, it's not that.

No, not in the slightest, but, Joe, Stewie's gone missing

No, Peter, they can't walk; it's three miles

No, Peter. I'm getting our coats

No, she can't

No, Stewie was out there.

No, Stewie, you have to fix me

No, that that was this other girl I was dating

No, there's a fat secretary

No, they love me.

No, this is so cool!

No, we're businessmen

No, we're not.

No, you have to be a freak about it

No!

No!

No! It has to be a child!

No! Karate chop!

No! Oh, no!

No. After it was over, she said she wasn't gonna pay

No. Earring every day

No. No, Brian

No. You being right means everyone else is wrong

Nobody in this town is vaccinating their kids anymore!

Nobody remembers that, Meg

Nobody wants to bet against Chris now

Nobody's gonna want you if you're fat!

None of the girls at school want to go to homecoming with me

Nope

Nor clowns, nor a posse, I'm not interested

Norm!

Not a new, safe one

Not appropriate?

Not at all. In fact,

Not by the companies who make them

Not enough for that, but you're right.

Not great

Not great timing, I know,

Not just that. He also takes pictures

Not like how Jesus feels about his kid

Not like when we killed off Brian for a few episodes,

Not not that one,

Not now, Brenda!

Not shacking up with him

Not to let you onto the lot

Not too bad.

Nothing. It's just, you write all the songs,

Now all we need is a distraction

Now come on, I need to use your pee

Now do you want to leave the regular way,

Now eat it!

Now get out of here, we're about to drink some Chardonnay.

Now get out there and try to kiss as many ladies as you can

Now get over here so I can whip you!

Now I just need a guy's butt to eat this off of,

Now I need you to call Time Warner about my cable bill.

Now I see why you're here.

Now I'll be able to go to those dog parties again

Now it's saying I have to suture it

Now it's your turn..

Now let's smoke a marijuana cigarette

Now maybe today we don't do the earring?

Now what's that?

Now you gonna listen, you little bitch?

Now you gonna listen?

Now you're trying to convince other people

Now, check your gauges with one eye

Now, Chris, you're getting older,

Now, did you leave a plate of black coffee out for me?

Now, fellas, the tables should all be bolted to the floor

Now, hold on, hold on, before we all freak out,

Now, I don't have anything to control the trigger with,

Now, I I understand the show

Now, if only the meal would cook itself, huh?

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Now, let's go

Now, one of these has the iocane powder, you see,

Now, spit in each other's mouths.

Now, that sounds like fun. I'll give it a try.

Now, the first thing I need you to do every morning

Now, we've got a lot to cover

Now, who be wantin' pancakes?

Now, why don't you clean up

Now, you don't have to say anything

Nya ha!

Objection, Your Honor

Obscure reference

Of all the women I've institutionalized Babs over,

Of all three holes,

Of course I miss my family

Of course I saw it.

Of course it is

Of course not

Of course we can.

Of course we'll take you back

Of course, he always forgets by Monday,

Of course, we were all husking corn back then

Of course, we're not gonna tow 'em.

Of course. Mr. Quagmire can fit in you

Of every time in the show's history that Peter got hit

Of hot breath telephone.

Of one of my favorite quotes from Macbeth

Of Pawtucket Patriot Brewery

Of Quagmire's genitals to track sore growth.

Of some of her favorite things

Of the most notorious developments in beer history,

Of The Princess Bride with Bill Cosby

Of the Salvation Star Boys, who died in a mass suicide.

Of this group as you are.

Of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Of your second most expensive champagne

Office Christmas parties for the free booze

OFFICIAL (over bullhorn): Attention! Attention!

Oh

Oh ho ho! Rhode Island slam!

Oh ho, no!

Oh no, here we go.

Oh oh, I know

Oh, and I know you didn't ask,

Oh, and some animals give him boners

Oh, and that's another thing

Oh, and there's other pages. You got to turn them

Oh, and three times a day you have to say,

Oh, and whoever drinks the most shots keeps their job

Oh, Bat Damon!

Oh, boy, I can't make it in 20 minutes

Oh, boy, the Marshalls is now a Nordstrom

Oh, but first, I'm required to have you read this pamphlet

Oh, can't the kids just walk?

Oh, Chris, you look so handsome in your tux.

Oh, come on, Chris, you got to do it

Oh, come on, I'm not charging Santa Claus

Oh, come on, man, nobody's buying that.

Oh, come on! I just got shot in the pool in the last one.

Oh, cool, Family Guy!

Oh, crap

Oh, crap, it's Carter!

Oh, damn it!

Oh, Daughtry!

Oh, don't listen to them, Big Fat Nips

Oh, God, I've ruined Christmas.

Oh, God, no. These guys are horrible.

Oh, God, this is going to be a Lois story, isn't it?

Oh, he can't go out with you tonight.

Oh, he's doing one of those.

Oh, hello, Brian.

Oh, here comes a new boy

Oh, hey, Carter

Oh, hey, Chris, how's the job hunt going?

Oh, hey, Chris.

Oh, hey, fellow teens

Oh, hey, high five

Oh, hey, high five

Oh, hey, it's that guy

Oh, hey, Peter, listen, I can't work tonight

Oh, hi

Oh, hi, robot from Big Hero 6

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, I ain't even gonna go there, Peter

Oh, I call biting!

Oh, I call the big funny glasses!

Oh, I didn't know we had brown apple in the forecast

Oh, I get 40 bucks

Oh, I have a goatee up till the first commercial,

Oh, I hope we weren't too loud, old sport.

Oh, I just love a song that explains what it just said

Oh, I knew one of these had to be my house

Oh, I see the guy

Oh, I would never let that happen

Oh, I'm going limp

Oh, I'm making a collage for Taylor

Oh, I'm sorry

Oh, I've missed you, Daisy.

Oh, is that so?

Oh, it's a bedpan. I got a ton of these at home

Oh, it's easy

Oh, it's half Hawaiian

Oh, it's just Gail Devereaux now

Oh, it's just something people say

Oh, it's the stuff of dreams, Lois

Oh, just like the Easter Bunny did

Oh, Lois, I feel a little better

Oh, look at this

Oh, look at you

Oh, looks like this cabinet door is a good place to start

Oh, man, I don't need to know that!

Oh, my

Oh, my God, a duck!

Oh, my God, are you serious?

Oh, my God, babe.

Oh, my God, Chris is out of control!

Oh, my God, Gail, what happened?

Oh, my God, I love that! I know, right?

Oh, my God, is that a jug full of porn?

Oh, my God, Peter

Oh, my God, there's a bat in the house.

Oh, my God, you bitch! Seriously?

Oh, my God, you saved my baby!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Taylor Swift!

Oh, my God! That's awful!

Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here?!

Oh, my God! Where are the stairs?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God...

Oh, my little guy's gonna be fine.

Oh, my orthotic was in there.

Oh, nickels!

Oh, no

Oh, no problem

Oh, no, this is my state.

Oh, no, upside down train!

Oh, no! It sounds like..

Oh, oh, human babies.

Oh, okay, so same as last time

Oh, Olivia's president of our fan club.

Oh, Peter

Oh, please, don't do this!

Oh, poor Uncle Craig.

Oh, really?

Oh, really? You're writing about

Oh, right, yeah, of course

Oh, Rupert, I can't believe Taylor Swift

Oh, Santa. I I'm sorry

Oh, so you're a Christmas party creep.

Oh, son of a bitch, Santa

Oh, thank you

Oh, thank you so much for coming in early, Dr. Hartman

Oh, that gift exchange thing?

Oh, that must be Tom,

Oh, that must have been invented today!

Oh, that sucks.

Oh, that's perfect

Oh, that's the guy who bought the bullhorn at the park

Oh, that's Woody Allen's son, but you're right,

Oh, the birthday boy and I met

Oh, the Cloud, that's right

Oh, the strike ended a month ago

Oh, there's no drawing, I just like smelling the bowl.

Oh, things are fine

Oh, this is awful.

Oh, this is gonna be fun

Oh, this is Mr. Quagmire's horse gimp.

Oh, wait, if my character's still alive,

Oh, wait, you know what?

Oh, we don't have to worry about money

Oh, we got to start again

Oh, we're drifting.

Oh, welcome back, buddy.

Oh, well, I don't know if am

Oh, well, now that's interesting

Oh, well, then maybe I'll just say this to you in Spanish.

Oh, what'd you write it, like, on a computer?

Oh, who are you kidding? You got yourself fired

Oh, yeah, all my pockets are lined with Reynolds Wrap.

Oh, yeah, Chris put those in there.

Oh, yeah, he played Scott Thorpe

Oh, yeah, it's great, you know, doing a show with your family

Oh, yeah, it's not that palace of domestic abuse you live in.

Oh, yeah, sometimes I even watch a whole Blacklist

Oh, yeah, sure, light another candle

Oh, yeah, that's my anti vaccination PSA

Oh, yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah, yeah, Joey was a good boy?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? If it was Joey's restaurant, you would've paid

Oh, yeah? Well, then, you're gonna love this

Oh, yeah. They don't cover dogs no more

Oh, you know, this and that

Oh, you like Italian food?

Oh, you mean plumb

Oh, you need a ride?

Oh, you won't miss her

Oh, you're a cutie

Oh, you're groaning at me?

Oh, you're leaving?

Oh, yucky.

Oh!

Oh! Hey! That's gonna leave a mark!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Slipping, slipping. Sorry

Oh? Then why am I clad in velvet pants

Oh. Huh. Weird

Oh. Well, I'm looking for my friend, Jim

Oh... What?!

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay, all all right, everybody just calm down,

Okay, but there's no way this is real

Okay, but what are you gonna do?

Okay, bye.

Okay, Chris, I think you're gonna be a great assistant.

Okay, Chris, your mom and I want to help you

Okay, cool. I got time

Okay, everybody out

Okay, everybody, welcome to the table read for this week's

Okay, fine

Okay, fine. Well, then let's see who has higher socks

Okay, five is good

Okay, good

Okay, got it.

Okay, great to see you.

Okay, guys, we've served our last free meal

Okay, here I go

Okay, I have never heard anyone call him that.

Okay, I'll be in my dressing room playing online poker

Okay, I'm really here because I know you have glue

Okay, I'm sorry

Okay, if you had a friend who worked at Mega Hardware,

Okay, is there any idea out there besides killing a guy

Okay, just don't give me to Dead Eyes over there,

Okay, kids, if everyone's done washing their hands

Okay, let me just unstrap my baby

Okay, let's go

Okay, look, just pay attention.

Okay, nice and slow, Doctor Jones

Okay, now please welcome Red Shirt Blue Shirt.

Okay, now that I'm decent

Okay, now, since we're white guys

Okay, okay

Okay, okay,

Okay, okay, got it

Okay, one thought.

Okay, so let's talk about Harry Styles.

Okay, so, now the bat has a gun and the knives I gave him.

Okay, sure. Welcome aboard.

Okay, thank you, because,

Okay, that shouldn't be too hard.

Okay, that's really good

Okay, then my first wish is for a genie

Okay, there's the baseball team's locker room right there

Okay, uh, everyone, new policy!

Okay, we can trim that in editing

Okay, we're ready for you

Okay, we're sort of racing to the end here

Okay, well, we should probably go.

Okay, what do you got?

Okay, would you like the AC on or the windows down?

Okay, you don't.

Okay!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. We hear you, Peter

Okay. Well, got to go

Olivia?! Oh, my God, do I look okay?

On a pile of your brother's pool equipment

On a wacky game show while a beautiful woman

On James Woods High to win, I'll tell you that

On our own place

On Peter's phone

On such short notice.

On the Depression here

On the edge of town to take care of something.

On the Internet

On the one hand, I don't want to give away my location

On the other hand, there might be a pirate hat

On the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery

On the set of Family Guy.

On the show, there's no reason I should keep living with them

Once the floor is full of sawdust,

One of my deepest sexual fantasies?

One of my tricks drove me here from the Clam,

One, two, three...

One's Guatemalan

Only half as good

Only problem is, I really want to get

Oof, tough week.

Ooh, hook me to the plow!

Ooh, I'm excited.

Ooh, me, me, me!

Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, child.

Ooh!

Ooh. Take something else off, sexy.

Open container of cat food

Open our own Italian restaurant?

Opus Dei, Dei Dei Pater,

Or am I beefing ya?"

Or Chadmayne, or whatever,

Or crush their skull on a bumper

Or do you want our Uncle Phil to throw you out?

Or else I will put you at the top of my naughty list.

Or else what?

Or from Salvador

Or getting someone deported?

Or I'll be in worse shape than John Goodman!

Or is this a keeper? I just met you,

Or teething.

Or the Law Giver when times were bad.

Or went to massage parlors when I was out of town.

Or what the dude or whatever.

Or when Dad uses me as a lumbar pillow.

Originally now, but it's been delayed until 9:40

Our company manufactures aircraft landing gear systems

Our crew decided to stay in the office.

Our first gig is Saturday. It's a birthday party.

Our online form, and we will mail you a check for $180.

Our soda from home, our snacks from home

Our top story tonight,

Our top story tonight, the James Woods High baseball team

Out of our dining room

Out of toxic, unsafe metal, just to save a few bucks.

Out on the bases right now.

Over here! I'm down here!

Over here! Over here!

Over jurisdiction

Over.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Crap

Ow! Pap! No!

Ow.

Ow.

Ow. I don't know which way the horse goes.

Paid for by dogs

Paid for with Meg's college fund

Parading around there,

Paralysis, and even..

Pay attention to your four to six second zone.

Pay me a royalty for each of my songs they played

People call me Slim.

People let you do anything you want

People of Quahog,

Perfect! And we look like regular high school students,

Peter Griffin

Peter Griffin

Peter just asked us to break Chris's arm

Peter likes to stay involved in the writing process

Peter, another way to impress your Asian Tiger Mom

Peter, are you insane?!

Peter, are you sure you heard Mr. Pewterschmidt correctly?

Peter, Brian's right!

Peter, did you see this?

Peter, get in here right now!

Peter, I need you to take Chris and Meg to school

Peter, is that you on TV right now?

Peter, it's not a horse.

Peter, my parents have access to that.

Peter, our dishwasher is full of sex toys.

Peter, that doesn't seem very... Here goes

Peter, that son deserves no candy

Peter, the dining room table is an antique

Peter, this is amazing. Thank you.

Peter, we could make a lot of money.

Peter, we need to talk about what happened

Peter, what are you doing?!

Peter, what the hell did you do to Stewie's hand?

Peter, what you doing all dressed up for church?

Peter, what's really going on?

Peter, you ready to hit the Drunken Clam?

Peter, you're not a vampire.

PETER: Am I the only one who thinks that now

PETER: And that was the Christmas I would never forget.

PETER: Crap. Our disguises didn't work

PETER: First again!

PETER: Hello

PETER: Hey, you didn't pay my friend!

PETER: His name was Derek

PETER: I can do this all day. I love buttons

PETER: I'm pulling up

PETER: In order to understand the bat,

PETER: Yeah, this is awesome!

PETER: Yeah, you are terrible at this

Peter? We need to talk

Peter? Wh Where are you?

Phone call for "a bag of nickels"?

Picketing began on Thursday weird day to start a strike

Pills? You actually are taking drugs?

PILOTS: Fair wages!

Place your order, and within 30 minutes...

Placed an anonymous phone call to the network about it

Plastic pitcher of soda.

Please don't comment

Please leave a plate of black coffee out for me.

Please stop drinking.

Please, can we, Mom?

Please, don't do this!

Please, I have two families!

Plus, I'm making decent money.

Plus, the truth is, the kids...

Plus, you've got all the cool catchphrases like damn you all

Point, Griffin.

Pop star Taylor Swift is coming to Quahog

Potentially toxic canning materials

Power to the people!

Predict what? IPDE

Preposterous!

Pretending you know the first thing about tools.

Pretty cool book, huh?

Pretty great, right?

Pretty similar to 4.

Priceless mahogany table

Probably 'cause everyone calls me names like "Big Nips"

Probably out in the parking lot

Probably. She told me

Production week is like for TV's 11th favorite family

Promise me you'll crop the chotches

Proper hygiene depends on everyone, Brian

Push off, you grifters

Put 'em on and lick your lips!

Quagmire, I didn't know you were a male stripper.

QUAGMIRE: Being a prostitute is no fun

Quagmire?

Quick question: in "Shake It Off,"

Quiet, Triscuit!

Racing through an airport

Read him his rights

Ready for Turkey Day?

Ready to go to Build A Bear?

Real baby issues.

Really?

Really? Awesome.

Really? How'd you do that?

Really? I thought you just went

Red Shirt Blue Shirt is done.

Remember when we sent that tweet?

Repeat, code Romeo.

Retract the hernia sac,

Rich guy

Right O okay, all right, I'm opening it

Right here in front of everyone

Right where my mother's China cabinet used to be.

Right, Kermie?

Right, like heartworm and parvo?

Right?

Rory told me about it

Rupert?

Rush concert!

Rush is playing here tonight

Sabotages them, and then writes angry songs about it

Sad. and I want to thank you

Said I reminded him of him when he was my age

Saturday Night Live

Saturday what how?

Screech is going to stab someone on Christmas.

Sean Penn

Sean Penn?

Second only to Michelob Ultra Dragon Fruit Peach.

See, Brian?

See, I listen.

See? Proof

See? That's how you get a party started

See? This is a real uniform

Seems like he's on something

Selling online Internet cyber stuff.

Seriously?

Seriously? It's, like, 9:00 at night

Seventh movement, by Chopin.

She also wasn't

She even let me grab the part of her body

She gets into relationship with guys,

She just sent me a picture of her smoothie

She plays golf, and is what kids will someday call a "DUFF

She says I have the body of a 50 year old before it gets ALS

She wants to do German things!

She was always such a nightmare.

She was friends with Audrey and Dot

She was just gonna replace me with another dog.

She was mad

She's a once in a life time girl.

She's about language acquisition, not gender

She's also doing half the band.

She's here with him?

She's in unit 17

She's much more than a singer, Chris

She's my cousin

She's right. Check it out

She's such a sweetheart

She's the one who meant the most to me

She's very interactive with all her fans

She's... she's... she's the queen!

Sheila's parents came up towards the end of the week..

Shine through you

Shirt! Shirt!

Shirt! Shirt!

Shirt! Shirt! Shirt!

Should infuriate me, but the truth is he seems happy

Should we take care of that?

Shown here in the basket of Henry Thomas' bicycle.

Shut up, Butch.

Shut up!

Since I abused those caffeine pills

Since I saw him in that car earlier!

Since the night Wicked premiered in Quahog.

Since you're covered with feces and I barely know you,

SINGER: 🎵 Oh, yeah! 🎵

Sir, an anonymous whistleblower in the brewery says

Sir, I'm afraid I've got some bad news

Sir, we've done our police tests

Sitting's bad!

Sledding was the second passion of the Christ

Slightly out of range

Smallpox, and rubella, have been all but eradicated.

So am I. This is corporate.

So do it

So get the hell out of my face, Santa

So Goby gets up on the lift..

So Ground Control is telling Major Tom

So he could shoot that crappy movie..

So here we are, still married, still on the show

So I can't get arrested

So I didn't really care

So I guess I'll just do nothing and that's that

So I guess we got the exact same problem

So I have jurisdiction over all of you

So I just did a video of me speaking from the heart

So I put it on a timer

So I should've made a woman so I could have sex with a corpse?

So I thought I would have you over

So I thought, "Why not finally read

So I want to tell you something very private.

So I watched Interview with the Vampire

So I'm going to reward him with my mouth while he's driving

So I'm gonna play with your doorbell until you pay up

So is your son a biolog?

So it did work

So it sounded like a name?

So it's time for you to learn the classic pool party game

So just lock up when you're done.

So long, Peter

So please join me as we go

So she is ready to get at it.

So that seems like the place to start

So the photos were on the Cloud,

So the writers write a fake script, killing him off

So there's, like, no toilet on the sleigh,

So wait

So we can spike her cocktail

So we just might. Come on in.

So we'll fit right in

So we're all there at the Clam,

So what can I get for you today?

So who are you gonna go with?

So you know a lot about computers?

So you're not exactly number one on my roommate list.

So you're, you're just,

So your Internet, is it, is it slow?

So, all right, let's do a show

So, Bonnie, how are things going?

So, brace yourself when you open iPhoto.

So, Dad, now that you made Santa mad,

So, have you done this kind of work before?

So, how was your weekend?

So, I guess this actually was a very typical week

So, I should be home by 10:00

So, I'm looking for money to open a small business.

So, let's all take a deep breath and calm down.

So, want to grab whatever wine is left

So, what do you say? Can we put this all behind us

So, what's your name?

So, what's your plan?

So, who's this "Mary Christmas"

So, yeah, last weekend, Sheila and I took the kids

So, you girls traveling with your dad here?

So, you see, he's got

So, you want to fire Stewie

So? How'd we do?

So..

Some animals give me boners!

Some bisexual men go as well

Some of the classics I never read in high school

Some sweaty guy is working on the Petercopter

Somebody get him off me!

Somebody help me! I'm sinking!

Somebody set him up for a funny joke

Someone can take my coupe

Someone in my life to fill that role

Someone who loves me enough to call me fat and lazy and stupid

Something of mine that smells like bread

Sometimes I don't think before I act

Son of a bitch!

Sorry

Sorry about my family

Sorry about what I did to your husband earlier.

Sorry I started this

Sorry, fun seekers,

Sorry, I just smoked a joint with the pickup truck kids

Sorry, I was in my trailer eating fancy nuts and smoking

Sorry, lady, got to crop the chotch

Sorry, Lois. I honestly thought this was gonna be fun.

Sorry. What'd you say? I was texting Tricia

Sounds like I might be a teacher

Spaghetti angel!

Speak for yourself, Brian

Speaking of buttocks and knuckles,

Speaking of which, do you have any idea the germs

Speaking of which, the Pretend Pretenders

Spend some time with the family

Spying on ladies peeing in the bathroom

Stand by your work or get out!

Starts with the writing

Stay back!

Step right up, get your picture taken

Step right up!

Step right up!

STEWIE, BRIAN & OLIVIA: ♪ Daddy rolls over and falls asleep ♪

Stewie, can I talk to you?

Stewie, did you hire three Mexican guys

Stewie, give me those

Stewie, hang on!

Stewie, I didn't want to do all that fancy stuff,

Stewie, I know how to drive

Stewie, I've been standing here the whole time.

Stewie, listen to me,

Stewie, that's good. Hey, can I write one?

Stewie, this is Federal Hill

Stewie, what are you doing?

Stewie, what the hell is your problem?

Stewie, you might be taking this too far

STEWIE: I would soon return to New York a changed man,

STEWIE: In the book, I actually go on a few dates with Jordan

STEWIE: It was my first summer staying at the shore,

STEWIE: It's about all facets of driving safety, yes

Stewie!

Stewie! Elliot!

Stewie! I'm you from the future!

Stewie! Oh, no!

Stewie?

Stewie?

Stewie? Oh, I thought that was you.

Stewie? What are you doing here?

Stewie's gonna fire up his time machine and undo this

Stewie's got ideas.

Still going

Still going.

Still, I'm really sorry.

Stop countin' my drinks!

Stop qualifying the selling.

Stop wearing that suit, or else.

Stop! Demerit! (tires squeal)

Stop! Demerit! (tires squeal)

Stop! Stop! Please stop!

Strap hinge quarter round soffit

Strike one!

Strike three!

Strike two!

Sure

Sure we can

Sure, that sounds great

Sure!

Sweet

Take a day off from needing repairs, am I right? (chuckles)

Take it out

Take me to Hollywood!

Taking on all comers

Taping a show without Peter

Taxi! Taxi!

Tay Tay

Taylor Swift, you are a spoiled ostrich legged,

Taylor, this is my sister Meg and our dog Brian

Taylor, why'd you write that song about me?

Teach an old Italian lady how to use an iPad!

Technically against Chris's baseball team

Tell her about the surf camp in Belize, Peter

Tell her it'll make you a better father

Tell her it's your dream, and you deserve it

Tell her you're going

Tell me about the rabbits, George. Yeah, sure thing

Tell me again about our dream, George

Tell me, son, how would you like to pitch

Tell the director

Tell us, how'd you get the gig?

Ten and two.

Terrible. I can't find a job anywhere.

Th That's not a thing in our family

Than Robert Baden Powell,

Than the temp agency made it sound

Thank you

Thank you so mu Oh

Thank you, and have a giggity day.

Thank you, Carter

Thank you, Chris

Thank you, Frank

Thank you, genius person!

Thank you, Mama Tricia!

Thank you, Quahog.

Thank you, Stewie, who I can understand,

Thank you, thank you

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks

Thanks for being here for that.

Thanks for everything you did

Thanks for getting here so quickly

Thanks for joining us

Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Buchanan

Thanks for the ride

Thanks to their secret weapon, star pitcher Chris Griffin

Thanks to them, countless serious diseases, mumps, polio,

Thanks to you, I don't have insurance anymore.

Thanks, Chadwick. This is awesome.

Thanks, guys, the feds will take it from here

Thanks, man

Thanks, Mom

Thanks, Stewie

Thanks, Swanson, we'll take it from here

That a duck over there?

That also happens to star in a sitcom together

That came with my rental

That can't be real, right?

That causes Dad to die again if it's ever used

That ever happened to a guy?

That guy looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr

That guy who killed Joan Rivers must be terrible at this

That guy's got no idea how hard I'm work

That I finally put my head underwater

That is a giggity

That kid with the cane?

That lady turned off a Hall & Oates song

That last trick was like

That means one day,

That means we don't have a script to shoot

That other guy behind him is Frank Sinatra, Jr

That place is a filthy hell hole

That she's an even bigger fraud

That should've been a tip off.

That tells you he's a reporter.

That thing that I like..

That time she went shopping right before Thanksgiving

That was great. They loved us.

That was one bitch of a class

That was Peter's line

That was really fun, Chris.

That was Rory.

That we are Steelers fans in this house

That week's script to see how the story

That will make sense later.

That works.

That you done Swifted up

That'll bring him back

That's "Repreeze

That's a great idea!

That's a lot of money. Sorry, I can't do it

That's a once in a lifetime skip!

That's a rock bottom.

That's been eating our tomatoes

That's David Spade from Just Shoot Me!

That's exactly the point my child

That's from a movie

That's how we'll get our revenge

That's it, Griffin

That's it.

That's it. Screw this

That's me asking for help

That's my cell phone you're feeling

That's never gonna cut it

That's nice. You don't believe me, do ya?

That's one of my sidekicks' wives.

That's right

That's right

That's right, Curley, I hired 'em this morning

That's right, from Senseless

That's right, I'm back!

That's right, Tom

That's right, two time Oscar winner Sean Penn.

That's right. Anything for Santa

That's right. Now, crumple up that ticket.

That's right. Olivia's taking your place in the band.

That's so dope

That's still untapped

That's the last time I go to a water park,

That's the thing it's both of 'em!

That's the whole point

That's very clever

That's what we're lacking

That's what your standing desk is saying to the chair people

That's when I first laid eyes on him.

That's why I replaced one of his flying reindeer

That's your wife, Doctor Jones

The airport's that way

The brothers who made The Matrix are ladies now!

The brothers who made The Matrix are ladies now!

The building's on fire.

The district championship?!

The driver was being mouth pleased

The dry cleaner?

The fact is, I got too big for my britches,

The Fat Man's behavior has been deteriorating

The felt antlers.

The field hand who gave me a shoulder ride

The founder of the Boy Scouts

The future site of Quahog's newest Italian restaurant

The game is still going on?

The heads of the network wanted to buy

The light was still gray when I went through it

The love of my life, that's what.

The most amazing girl I've ever met

The only reason I stay here is to maintain my profile

The only reason they work

The only way we could ever make money now is if Chris lost

The production of a Family Guy episode.

The record is 60 in a month

The restaurant was called Sprinklers

The sanitarium

The size of a beefsteak tomato?

The sound of your leather jackets is excruciating!

The T shirt cannon at his own head

The table read is where the Family Guy cast reads aloud

The toilets should also be bolted to the floor

The truth is all I ever wanted

The union fat asses that I assume do something

The vending machine's right over there

The way you and me fell so fast for this lady,

The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!

Then I realized how stupid that is

Then I'm gonna try and look at their teeth

Then the diseases won't spread

Then who's Elliot?

There was a time limit? Nobody told me that

There you are

There you go. Merry Christmas

There's a lot of evidence to suggest there's a link

There's a rat trap in that cabinet

There's a show called Shipping Wars

There's an extra 50 in it for you.

There's been an outbreak of measles

There's gonna be some changes around here

There's just something about her flat chest and muscular legs.

There's no stairs! I'm never gonna make it!

There's the bridge out of town!

There's Tricia

These fellas are con men

These guys are pros.

These little things of applesauce

They actually put some of the disease in the shot?

They bought the pitch, but, um, after a series of network notes,

They brought in the big guns

They do not miss Peter

They flipped up my lunch tray!

They give me free stuff.

They got blue!

They hated us.

They have a photo booth with funny props!

They love it

They miscalculated the number of dogs who buy movie tickets

They moved up my knees.

They should come to me directly!

They turn into..

They usually travel in threes

They want an object back

They wrote a song about me

They'd have to bring in someone to replace me

They're directed by James, the cameraman

They're down there now. Look.

They're fantastic! Uh huh, okay

They're having a meeting about me tomorrow.

They're just being haters

They're ladies!

They're not gonna be home

They're trying to trick kids into drinking it

Think again

Thinking about Taylor Swift

Thinks she's his new "Tiger Mom,"

Third world? This is Rhode Island

This ain't Easter

This could be a long one

This dad took one look at Chris and thought he'd suck,

This doesn't feel right today

This doesn't seem so bad.

This doesn't seem to be working.

This guy's in love.

This has been Tricia Takanawa, with my undercover exposé

This hill is closed to sledding

This is a bad start to whatever we're doing

This is a song I wrote for my beautiful girlfriend.

This is amazing!

This is best for me, and this is best for those cancerous dicks

This is for you.

This is free because I'm dressed as Santa?

This is Gail Devereaux Slansky

This is how we did that

This is impossible, right?

This is not what I thought it was!

This is one of them places

This is painful for all of us,

This is some good stuff, Chris

This is still a workplace.

This is still the United States of Tara

This is the delicate part, because..

This is the planet Jew piter,

This is very fun for me!

This is what we do to Uber drivers in this town

This is what we're really saying when we're crying

This is where I practice my karate, 'cause I'm a dick.

This is why I pushed you

This must be how Meat Loaf looked when he went to the prom

This must be so difficult for you

This next song is a new one.

This next song is about my dumb ex boyfriend,

This one's about idiots choking rodents

This puppy doesn't work!

This sad little Ooh!

This section is optional. I will skip this

This shouldn't take too long

This song's about gettin' heartburn from baked clams.

This stinks!

This sucks

This sucks even worse than when I stubbed my toe

This thing works better in the car.

This was supposed to be our big opening night

This was the worst Santa

This whole thing has been a lecture from liberal Hollywood

This whole thing was his idea.

This'll be great.

Those are pretty good references.

Those four letters don't make a word

Those naked pictures of that 18 year old intern

Those were your songs.

Those, uh, chips are gonna be chewy, Peter

Though I'm fairly confident the answer is yes

Three strikes and he's out,

Thursdays at Family Guy are reserved for shooting

Time for "Good Door, Bad Door"!

Time to text and shave and whittle and floss.

Time to Too tooty too with The Turtlenecks!

To "shake it off

To a potential public health disaster

To an all time low, fueled by a recent media campaign

To an office Christmas party with her last week.

To attend a dance with local high schooler Chris Griffin

To bet on college football

To cancel a liaison, press two.

To eat crepes without people making unwanted assumptions

To get a date on FarmersOnly.com.

To get ready for the big show

To get the word out to middle aged moms.

To help keep you organized? Chris is looking for work.

To help me get my license back

To just once tell a joke that brings glory to God?

To keep something that matters to you a secret

To keep this thing going

To make the same reckless choice?

To manufacturing improprieties

To my equally large and fancy,

To my pleasuring while you're driving because of intoxication

To organize my own life.

To prevent theft

To print out boarding passes for their grandparents,

To print out my boarding pass

To schedule a liaison, press one.

To shake a soda can and give it to my boss?

To some stupid office Christmas party

To stay on till Christmas, and I said yes,

To stuffy New England college. Final boarding.

To tell them what you did

To that trunk of costumes in the corner

To the caning of his buttocks and knuckles

To the homecoming dance with me?

To the receptionist at work is the magic number

To watch in front of the baby.

To wear shoes and comb my hair.

To which I have attached this handgun

Today's the day I finally kill that squirrel

Tom Sawyer? What are you doing so far from home?

Tom Tucker just ruined everything

Tom, why don't you take Jay's car?

Tom! Tom! It's me!

Too many pansy ass parents sue the city

Totally

Tripling is when you vomit, defecate, and orgasm,

Trust me

Trust me, she'll come back if we need her

Try again!

Try to get, like, eight of them this time.

Trying to use an empty bottle of hand soap

Tucked into soft leather boots?

TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to

Two by six dowel cherry picker flim flam

Two, three, four,

Uber it's like a cab except it feels like a game

Uch, how much time you got?

Uch. All they're doing

Ugh

Ugh, finally, he's doing something useful.

Ugh, hold on. I've got to update iOS

Ugh, look at these two lumps.

Ugh, this party's a dud.

Ugh. All right, I guess I'll just call an Uber.

Uh huh, that's wrong

Uh oh. This means I have an awkward phone call to make

Uh, again, you don't have to schedule that with me

Uh, any other ideas?

Uh, but I'm unable to properly

Uh, cowabunga, schwing, yada, yada, yada.

Uh, geez, I got to go home and change into my Tarzan costume

Uh, hang on, I'll check

Uh, here, let me get that check for you

Uh, hey, listen, uh, I don't know if you've heard,

Uh, how much do I, uh..

Uh, I did.

Uh, I don't know

Uh, if you need any extra hands.

Uh, it it's deuce. But, uh,

Uh, it's actually a wheatgrass, ginger mixture

Uh, it's actually kinda... Okay, bye

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

Uh, let's just say I couldn't toddle right for a week.

Uh, like, a million?

Uh, Little Lotta?

Uh, microwave

Uh, Mom, why is Dad over there playing chess

Uh, much like the real band,

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Uh, o okay

Uh, of course not. No

Uh, oh... uh, uh..

Uh, sorry, if you're neither insane,

Uh, that, unfortunately, won't work in this instance

Uh, that's just the cover

Uh, this one, too.

Uh, uh, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's something else

Uh, uh, Quagmire's, uh,

Uh, uh... for... for... for the Web

Uh, why don't you ask my Camaro?

Uh, yeah, yeah, I got that

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so

Uh, you can all take your clothes off now,

Uh, you guys, I need help unloading the groceries.

Uh, you guys?

Uh..

Uh... it's a child with a ball. Very good

Uh... okay

Uh... we can't go into the time machine right now.

Uhp, this one's wet.

Um, Big Pete, if we're gonna be sitting,

Um, her name was... Kow ooch

Um, I hate to break it to you,

Um, I'm making a lot of money

Um, only thing is she's married

Um, tea tomorrow at my house, 2:00 p.m

Um, this ain't a life vest, sista

Um... anyway, Daisy's house is over there

Um... I I guess so

Um... y uh, yeah, okay

Uncle Ricky!

Unfortunately, since people only use printers now

Unfortunately, things aren't going quite so well for Peter

Unless whoever sent it was magic

Until further notice, no one may enter or leave the city

Until I went home and had, like, 50 beers, and did forget

Until They Cover Up Uncomfortably

Up next..

Up to the lake, it was great.

Use the self sharpening linoleum blade

Use those

Usually people just shove a wallet in my mouth

Vaccinations are a human right.

Vaseline filled leather glove that you're a reasonable man

Very masculine pizza delivery for Stewie Griffin?

Very serious. Even the tiniest germ

Vice Principal McGuire. Really?

Vote yes on increased animal sobriety checkpoints

W wanted to know if Quagmire

W We're turning. We're turning!

W What is she, a singer?

W What should I ask for, $500?

Wait a minute, Joe, that's it!

Wait a minute, teenagers don't have wheelchairs!

Wait a minute, what if you had someone

Wait a minute, where are all the other kids?

Wait, and this can't be right:

Wait, but first I want to see

Wait, hold on, Peter

Wait, I'm..

Wait, so what you're saying is Chris isn't the problem,

Wait, wait, wait

Wait, what Why did you

Wait, what? He has?

Wait, why is he calling it that?

Wait, you guys, Dad might not have been vaccinated

Wait. How bad is the bad door?

Want a meatball?

Want to see me feed him a carrot?

Was available tomorrow evening?

Was on the side of the road

Was quite different when it started

Was the old number of of her ex boyfriend,

Was to some day have a family of my own

Wasn't even close, was it?

We already took a ton of bets!

We apologize to the greased up deaf guy.

We broke in there, too

We can barely steer!

We can eat peanuts in here

We can get to replace my grandmother's

We can't find him anywhere.

We can't get good Italian food like this in Quahog

We can't have a bat flying around the house

We caught up with Peter at Hollywood's legendary

We could go today

We could use someone like you around here.

We decided to follow Peter, and see if our cameras

We demand that these vaccines

We did!

We do good job, we live with you?

We do, Mom

We do. I really like you, Chris

We don't have a sled in our dining room.

We don't want to ever see you again

We got a code Romeo.

We got a socko tune for you, Taylor

We got the other kids vaccinated,

We got to do something.

We got to get her back

We got to get him down

We got to go out and celebrate.

We got to keep you away from Stewie

We had a whole meeting about

We had great weather, fired up the barbecue,

We have been described as "meh

We have now reached our cruising..

We have time for one more classic of American literature.

We have to deal with his anger issues before he hurts himself

We interrupt this program with breaking news

We just got to change their minds.

We just happen to have

We just have to keep Chris's talent a secret

We just need to make you the face of the restaurant

We just saw Woman Tied to Railroad Tracks 5.

We like you when you're miserable!

We meet by the big tree on the edge of town

We might need a little bit of time to think this over

We missed you so much.

We must first understand the vampire

We need revenge

We now return to Doctor Who Farted

We now return to the extended director's cut

We plan to sell antique lamps.

We put this in her drink

We really like the idea that the words rhyme

We were going to get Stewie vaccinated,

We were wrong about everything!

We're all gonna die!

We're at an alarming speed?

We're fake selling the Brooklyn Bridge.

We're getting this town to change its mind

We're going sledding.

We're going to need some muscle

We're gonna skip all that.

We're just selling the Brooklyn Bridge

We're leaving

We're letting you go

We're not all so impressed

We're real selling the Brooklyn Bridge

We're screwed once Chris takes the mound

We're singing a song he wrote.

We're the Internet police!

We've got a good thing going

We've got a show in 20 minutes.

We've got to get to the hospital and get Stewie vaccinated!

We've got to return to the 21st century!

We've we've met many times before

Weaving sexually explicit tapestries

Wednesdays are rehearsal days here at Family Guy

Welcome aboard. See you Monday

Welcome back to Inside Family Guy

Welcome to Phelps Ranch

Well, as everyone knows,

Well, at least annoyingly scatting over jazz

Well, call John Mayer.

Well, can't you at least give me a ride?

Well, congratulations, you're getting your license back!

Well, depending on how traffic is

Well, fellas, we gave it our best shot

Well, good for you

Well, good for you for being honest, Carter

Well, has the Shamrock Shake period been extended?

Well, he intimated

Well, hello there.

Well, his eyes looked different

Well, how could they address baby issues?

Well, I actually drove my car into this rich guy's house,

Well, I am going to fly us over a few more drinks

Well, I can set that up

Well, I could be

Well, I could watch and make fun

Well, I got her number.

Well, I guess they're just used to me being sad

Well, I hear Gatsby didn't even fight in World War I

Well, I hope you're not actually doing that gigolo thing

Well, I mean, it's Sunday, and..

Well, I suppose so.

Well, I suppose, you could come inside

Well, I wanted to be a rock star

Well, I... I did write

Well, I'll see you at home..

Well, I'm Coach Doyle, and I head up the baseball team

Well, I'm glad Quagmire's back to work for the airline

Well, I'm glad to hear you're still acting.

Well, I'm just glad all this nonsense

Well, I'm just happy that Stewie is healthy,

Well, I'm off to watch some Fox News

Well, if you need insurance that bad,

Well, if you're Santa, then what did I ask for

Well, it can't be any worse than what's in here

Well, it spells out "Pancakes

Well, it's a relief that everyone's been vaccinated

Well, it's official

Well, kids, your father may have gotten beat up,

Well, look, there's a Family Circus dotted path

Well, maybe even my old job as the guy

Well, maybe that's the problem

Well, maybe the three of us ought to open

Well, now you've got an oncoming vehicle

Well, now, what brings you fellas to the festival?

Well, obviously, Lois

Well, pull it together, Peter,

Well, right now I'm in Boob Assessment

Well, starting tomorrow, I'm getting back out there

Well, tell 'em to get out

Well, that ain't fair

Well, that was awful.

Well, that was before Internet chat rooms

Well, that'll be even cooler than when I was in that remake

Well, that's not completely true,

Well, that's what I get for horsing around.

Well, the guy at the mall asked me

Well, the law's clear

Well, the text you sent earlier would disagree

Well, then I promise that every day I'll prove to you

Well, then who's that guy

Well, there are plenty of guys willing to bet

Well, there's children in the room watch your swearing

Well, there's only one problem.

Well, this seems like a really cheery place,

Well, this stuff's already in her drink

Well, three of our guys did just get squished,

Well, we can't just show up there

Well, we have $60.

Well, well, well..

Well, what if I said we'd both be wearing shorts

Well, while I'm being booked and processed downtown,

Well, why can't we? She has a house in Rhode Island

Well, why don't you just kiss her, Griffin?

Well, why you hiding all these pages behind the first page?!

Well, Will Smith's little kid

Well, with my real mom gone,

Well, yeah, duh

Well, you just offered to kill a guy,

Well, you know it's a two, so why are we talking?

Well, you sent another text that says,

Well, you show 'em tomorrow, Peter.

Well, you wouldn't say that if you ever saw us at the movies

Well, you're going to think this is silly,

Welp, we needed it

Went down the drain, he got it right out

Were were you this crazy when we dated before?

Wha Wha..

Wha..

Wha..

Wha... I I don't..

Whassup...?

What I'm not

What a good idea it is, and how important it is,

What a waste

What a wonderful Hollywood story

What about Mom? Where is Mom?

What about the rabbits?

What about, like, a motorcycle lady?

What apartment is she in? I'll go talk to her

What are all these strippers doing in our house?"

What are the chances?

What are the chances?!

What are we gonna do about David Spade?

What are we gonna do?!

What are you doing here?

What are you getting at? I'm saying I invited you over

What are you guys gonna be for Halloween?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? I'm just as big a part

What are you talking about? People love me

What are you working on there, Chris?

What are... What is this?

What did he just say?

What did you want to be when you grew up?

What do we want?

What do you mean Chris won't take a dive?!

What do you mean?

What do you think puts the food on our table

What do you think, Peter?

What does that mean?

What else you got in here?

What fake class do they also make you teach?

What honor? Connie Chung marry Maury Povich,

What if he doesn't bumble?

What if I need surgery?

What if they're home?

What if they's run to the scoring place?

What if we change "lox" to "boys"

What is a horse gimp?

What is it? It's a tablet computer

What might happen in the moments to come

What should I do with it, Ollie?

What the dude? Uhp, you know what, deuce was right.

What the hell did you say to me?!

What the hell is all this?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell's Coach Doyle thinking

What the hell's going on?

What the hell's going on?

What they didn't know is that I'd been privately

What was that?

What was that?

What What's going on?

What with all the drunken misbehavior

What, are you walkin' a horse?

What, from the Army?

What, two guys going to homecoming?

What?

What?

What? How could you do that?

What? No

What? No, I'm not a stripper. I'm a pilot.

What? No, no, it was stupid

What? No! He hasn't eaten anything in days!

What? Oh, no, um..

What? That sounds suspicious.

What? This food ain't worth paying for

What? What are you saying?

What? What are you talking about?

What? What are you talking about?

What? What do you mean?

What? What is that? Fo four to six second..

What? Why would she go to a dance with me?

What? Why would you give him knives?

What? You're the one who wanted Chris to get a job.

What?!

What?!

What?! I'm not a doctor!

What?! Why didn't you tell me?!

What?! You're betting on Chris's baseball team?!

What..

What... a... day

What... what just happened?

What's a "hater"?

What's for dinner?

What's going on, Brian?

What's going on?

What's half of your name?

What's he doing?

What's room tone?

What's that, Peter?

What's that?

What's that?

What's the hurry?

What's the quote?

What's up, big guy?

What's wrong with them?!

What's wrong with this worm?

What's your home address?

What's your tire pressure?

Whatever, I'm done with my bear. Let's get out of here

Whatever, Tom. None of that matters

When Amanda Peet will be here with stand up Dom Irrera

When are you gonna get those off?!

When Chris and Meg had their vaccinations.

When do we want it?

When he open it, it explode!

When he wasn't chasing a duck or being chased by a duck

When I had my first one night stand

When Italian guys die, they...

When people hold in their aggression for too long

When that day comes

When their kids sprain a finger

When you get on that field,

When you gonna do that drawing anyway?

When you were a kid,

Where are you?

Where are your hands, Brian?

Where everyone can see.

Where I can and cannot sled!

Where the hell's Quagmire going?

Where the writers are hard at work

Where where did you get that?

Where will I ever find another woman

Where women go to see male strippers

Where you headed? The airport

Where your Povich? You have no Povich.

Where, uh, uh, which office is that in?

Where'd you get a cannon like that, kid?

Where'd you get these?

Where'd you get those?

Which department are you in?

Which has been completely taken over by the gays

Which is, like, a totally real thing

Which made sense to nobody and is now in its third season

Which on others would be a butt

Which one of you idiots wrote this script?

While I was telling my fake Judd Hirsch story

While I'm speeding because of a dare.

While indoors.

While keeping your other eye on the road

While my whole family held me down

While you talk

While you're gone, can I touch myself?

Who are afraid to go on rides.

Who are you really?

Who are you?

Who cares? Last one down the hill...

Who doesn't know he's being fired

Who either mistreated me, cheated on me

Who has fallen deep into the game of prostitution

Who is that kid?

Who is this guy?

Who lives in the converted horse trailer?

Who looks like a young Frank Sinatra?

Who take care of Irene? No one

Who take care of me when I 121 years old?

Who thinks that?

Who wants me to stow my bag under their seat?

Who work hard to make Family Guy what it is

Who... (groans) Who are you?

Who'd also assume Chris stinks.

Who's Jay? Gatsby

Who's just waiting for the snakes.

Who's Rory?

Who's Taylor Swift?

Who's the new kid?

Who's up for another game of hot breath telephone?

Whoa

Whoa hoa! Language!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Whose dad was a bigger dick

Whose suit are you wearing? Your suit!

Whose suit? Your suit!

Why are you on Bonnie's Facebook page?

Why are you so friendly? You con men?

Why didn't you become one?

Why do you write all your twos backwards?

Why does everything bad always happen to me?!

Why don't you ask her now?

Why don't you guys all come to my show tonight as my guests?

Why don't you jerk the rest of the day off.

Why don't you stop rubbernecking

Why happy?

Why is that guy laughing at me and where is he?

Why is your last name Wong?

Why not? Didn't she just pay you for sex?

Why not? We've done crazier things before

Why the hell would Daddy buy the brewery?

Why were they being so mean to you?

Why would real estate agents go to strip clubs for lunch?

Why would she do something like this?

Why would she do this?

Why would that medicine even exist?

Why wouldn't it be?

Why you being such a dick?

Why? Stripping is a very respectable profession

Why?!

Will... you... be... nice!

Wilson? Gonna need to fill 'er up!

Wilson's wife? Fill 'er up? Get it? (laughs)

With a foot in it

With a hotter name than Myrtle?

With a weird ski tan, but you can't talk about it

With an ordinary, non magical one

With beloved comic icon, Little Lotta

With colored liquid in it

With crudely drawn faces on them

With loud jazz music.

With Marlon Wayans?

With that awesome arm of his

With the audience where he fires

With the show's talented cast

With this girl I'm dating

With Tricia Takanawa is over

With Tricia Takanawa?

With uneven lyric density

With you and Taylor Swift

WOMAN: Fine, here's your money!

WOMAN: Hey, everyone, karaoke's starting!

WOMAN: Mr. Pewterschmidt, what you're ordering is illegal

WOMAN: Sir, there's a reporter here to see you.

WOMAN: Stop it!

WOMEN: Bye, Santa!

Word around the stage is they've decided to finally fire Peter

Works as a movie star,

Worth a shot

Would anyone like a deviled egg

Would anyone like to lead the family in a holiday prayer?

Would be smelly and gross,

Would be the adventure of a lifetime

Would fit right in

Would that be something you'd be interested in?

Would you let a doctor do that to your kid?

Would you like to come in?

Would you like to dance?

Would you mind putting on the suit

Wow

Wow

Wow, 20 bucks just to drive you across town?

Wow, a paying, grown up job!

Wow, already?

Wow, Brian, you do know all the lingo

Wow, can I have a turn?

Wow, Chris, I'm so excited!

Wow, Chris, that was really nice of you

Wow, Dad. I guess that means Grandpa's your new boss

Wow, here comes the bride, huh?

Wow, I am wide awake!

Wow, I've never seen him run onto a baseball field

Wow, it's hard to believe Brian would betray me.

Wow, it's so beautiful!

Wow, look at these comments

Wow, look how proud my dad is

Wow, looks like you guys are getting a head start

Wow, maybe you'll meet a pretty lady to get married to there

Wow, somebody struck it rich.

Wow, someone's day horny!

Wow, thanks!

Wow, they hate it

Wow, this is a great location

Wow, you two seem to have a wonderful connection

Wow!

Wow! Crazy!

Wow! It's like your dance tells a whole story

Wow. Good for you, Quagmire

Wow. I remember when this used to be all orange groves

Wow. Tricia's mom is really coming down hard on her

Wow. Walked right into that one.

Wow. What an ugly little house.

Y You're saying the door is plumb

Y You're the one who played that homosexual. Yeah

Y You've got measles!

Yay, free horse!

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah, 'cause we don't want to make a big mistake

Yeah, and I hear her husband's a real heel

Yeah, and with really outdated references

Yeah, bud?

Yeah, burning in a cardboard house, yeah.

Yeah, but but that's the thing.

Yeah, but he's my friend.

Yeah, but it's fine. There's nothing to worry about.

Yeah, duh

Yeah, her husband just died of ALS,

Yeah, I got to be honest, I'm having a blast

Yeah, I guess

Yeah, I guess, but did you see what I saw?

Yeah, I had a frog in my throat.

Yeah, I I can imagine. It would be fun

Yeah, I know

Yeah, I know I sure learned something.

Yeah, I know, right? Do it! (chuckles)

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm doing

Yeah, I'd like to bet a hundred bucks

Yeah, I'll definitely talk to the writers

Yeah, I'm gonna just use the staple gun

Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that, but it's a shame

Yeah, I'm having a great time

Yeah, in the original pilot, I was actually the star

Yeah, it's his own fault

Yeah, just a wave is fine.

Yeah, let's get you out of the tub first, Doctor Jones

Yeah, like mowing lawns or trimming bushes.

Yeah, no kidding.

Yeah, no kidding. And it's not moving

Yeah, no, no, it's great.

Yeah, otherwise there's no way we're gonna make a profit

Yeah, over the years, Peter's become just a total nightmare

Yeah, Peter, we love you,

Yeah, right? That's impossible

Yeah, see, if it was him, he would have said,

Yeah, sorry, we were looking something up

Yeah, sure. Don't tell anyone how bad I look naked

Yeah, sure. I can come get you

Yeah, that's impossible. I know, it's impossible

Yeah, that's right, bitch

Yeah, that's what everybody was thinking about, Meg

Yeah, the only reason we eat here is 'cause it's free.

Yeah, this "old sport" thing,

Yeah, uh... well, it's, uh...

Yeah, we could make Toni Braxton money

Yeah, we got a good thing going

Yeah, we made this mistake before

Yeah, we need as many as we can.

Yeah, we'll fix this problem

Yeah, we'll have rabbits, too

Yeah, well, I figured if my family doesn't want me

Yeah, well, that's the idea

Yeah, well, that's why they send in Channing Redwick,

Yeah, well, your friend

Yeah, what do you think is wrong with him?

Yeah, you keep saying that like it's a word

Yeah, you know, they're actually kind of expensive..

Yeah, you made them. Great job

Yeah, you said that

Yeah, you would. Dork.

Yeah, you're right

Yeah!

Yeah! All right.

Yeah? Hi, Stewie

Yeah? Well, how about this, Stewie?

Yeah.

Yeah. Do it.

Yeah. I'm actually pretty good.

Yeah. I'm with you

Yeah. Okay

Yeah. Thanks, Mom

Yeah. Why wouldn't she be there?

Yep, uh huh

Yep. Cost me zilch

Yes

Yes

Yes, but who?

Yes, I did tell Chris to throw the game

Yes, I think we understand the nuances of this profession

Yes, it's like watching a soap opera,

Yes, it's the maximum check amount I'm authorized to cut

Yes, that was quite a hand job you did on him

Yes, well, that may be.

Yes, your death threats to Grimace

Yes! That's not me. That's a genie.

Yes. It's nothing without you.

Yesterday, Peter Griffin was fired from the show

Yet the beat you then provide is rather mild

You actually have a date with Taylor Swift!

You and Gates, huh?

You and I will go to the local Emmys,

You are looking at the new Red Shirt Blue Shirt.

You are the only one who's ever gotten that

You are? That's awesome! When did that happen?

You ask for papers?

You ask him for papers?

You asked me down to the docks alone,

You asked me to do this with you.

You better watch out.

You brought up IPDE?

You can beat me, but I am who I am!

You can do whatever you want

You can turn the page, like this

You can't do that! Last time I checked,

You can't go around in that suit pretending you're me

You can't have my bread, but you can have

You can't just buy a phone and become a cab driver!

You can't just go to a park

You can't let these women take advantage of you like that

You come and get them.

You could do COBRA for $7,300 a month, though

You could get measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough..

You could kill a guy.

You could work at the pharmacy.

You could've killed the entire family!

You dance like an unattended fire hose

You destroyed all the vaccines?

You did?

You discovered the power to create new life,

You do realize they're putting your life in danger

You do? No way!

You dollar funny!

You don't have to duck down

You don't know me, man. I'm different.

You don't miss your show or your family at all?

You ever been with a man who's got a prostate

You ever pick something bruised and pear shaped?

You expect me to believe you own stocks?

You fell for all that anti vaxxer crap

You finally earned this nice, cold beer

You get what you get.

You going oven or microwave?

You gonna eat all that possum?

You got it, Mama Tricia

You got some dry cleaning hanging up

You got the best of me again!

You got to be kidding me

You got to constantly tell everybody

You got to spice things up

You guys are creeping me out

You guys are going away for a long time

You guys having a good night?

You guys heard what I heard, right?

You guys, I have terrible news!

You guys, Mr

You guys, Mr. Buell's taking a door open dook in the bathroom!

You guys, what are you doing watching TV?

You happy now, Lois?

You have any references?

You have no idea how hard they tried to pierce my ears

You have reached Glenn Quagmire.

You have to quit right now.

You have to work nights, weekends.

You heard your father, Meg. Over.

You hosting Family Feud?

You hungover? Uh, a little bit, yeah

You invite us to get down to, quote, "this sick beat

You just got to keep moving forward

You just shouldn't have made a guy.

You knew about that?

You know he once tried to hold up a store with that thing?

You know I hit you and whore you out

You know I like to watch two full movies before I go to work

You know I'm only tough on you 'cause I hate you, right?

You know what else is beautiful?

You know what that means?

You know what we should do? Let's all drunk drive

You know what, Carlos, you stay quiet for a while

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I got an idea.

You know what? That was really easy

You know what? You were sticking to your cleanse,

You know,

You know, a lot of people don't realize SEAL Team Six

You know, and then you go home after work

You know, Chris, I'm having a great time

You know, I bet there are plenty of other baseball dads

You know, I got to tell you,

You know, I just been thinking,

You know, I talk a lot of smack, but at the end of the day,

You know, I think this year is gonna be the best...

You know, I'm not so bad at those myself.

You know, if you're going back in anyway,

You know, like an old gal?

You know, like... like loud noises.

You know, many viewers think our cutaways

You know, most restaurants go out of business

You know, now that I'm not tied down by the show,

You know, one of the best parts of having an enormous mansion

You know, prostitution is illegal

You know, Rupert, Brian's douche iness

You know, she's the first girl to ever really understand me

You know, some people ask me,

You know, sometimes I just want to jump off this balcony

You know, telling her how much it would mean

You know, the last time I saw you, you were...

You know, you're doing a great job, Chris.

You know, you're not talking to a little kid anymore,

You live in a bottle

You made? You know what I meant

You make every activity incredibly sad

You may be wondering what I'm doing in a library

You may not believe this,

You mean, you've been working for Tricia?

You might know me from banging your niece

You might want to see this video Bonnie posted on Facebook

You no work for Channel Ten,

You paid $19 to fly Spirit Air.

You poor fool

You pretend to relate to your fans,

You probably don't recognize me 'cause I'm in corporate.

You promise? Yes!

You realize the vast majority of people think you're wrong.

You really think this Olivia thing is a good idea?

You remember him

You routinely track into this house?

You ruined my life

You said, "No matter what I say,

You serious? All this white stuff used to be water?

You shake up boss's soda and give to him

You should ask Taylor Swift to the homecoming dance!

You should do it

You should really go for it

You should really watch your back.

You spread so much joy and wonder to kids everywhere,

You think differently

You thought he was making 100 grand a year hauling lumber?

You took me to see Magic Mike XXL.

You trippin', boy?!

You try your very best and play to win

You understand me?

You want a little more, huh?

You want to be a hero?

You want to eat?

You want to pick a team?

You want to talk about the show?

You watch your tongue.

You wear this suit, it's like a free pass

You wearing pants always amuses me

You were standing earlier in the day

You were the band.

You weren't the worst Santa

You, sir, are officially an Uber driver

You, uh, you keep meatballs in your jacket?

You, you and you, 20 bucks for the day

You'll always be a rock star to me, Dad

You'll get him sick.

You'll still be paid

You're a monster.

You're a weird guy, Griffin

You're actually kicking me out of the band?

You're already a meme

You're as beautiful as ever

You're drunk driving my car

You're giving me a cut?

You're going down there with me right now

You're going out if I tell you you're going out, bitch!

You're going to have to pay for your food

You're gonna ask your own son to lose on purpose?

You're hired.

You're just crapping in people's houses, right?

You're just exploiting my brand for personal gain

You're just gonna have to cancel them

You're kind of a dick, Dad

You're leaving Babs for Tricia Takanawa?!

You're never gonna find a real relationship

You're not hearing me

You're not worth that much

You're right. I guess I did.

You're so cool and down to earth

You're standing in my strip club spaghetti

You're supposed to yell "Bella, Bella"

You're talented, Denise

You're the loser of this crew.

You're the whole reason the fans even like the band.

You're Tom, I'm Huck

You're wasting your double entendres on me

You're what? That's right

You've brought me an interesting story.

You've got a better voice, you've got the sweet bod...

You've got to constantly be IPDE ing everything

You've got to get a baby to write it.

You've got to get the hell out of town before you get sick!

You've got to stop giving away all the food for free

You've personally ordered the sourcing of cut rate,

Your father is dead

Your fridge gives you water from the door?

Your house is way nicer than Anne Murray's

Your license please.

Your paperwork appears to be in order,

Your penis is out.

Your town is under quarantine

Your video was so sweet

Yup, food's on the table,

Yup, she's off kilter

Yup.

15.

26. There is no 26

40% of you will be laid off as of Monday

Absolutely not. Hell yes.

And then, uh, next day, same thing

Driver's ed, right? No, wood shop

Eh... Ow.

Eh... Ow. Ow.

He was an angel! Oh, that's right

Hey! Oh, hey!

Hi, you hungry?! Aah!

So? So?

This is fun, right? The best!

What? Bring out the snakes!

who got everything he ever wanted. What?

You're fired. Pardon?

'cause being Santa's awesome

'cause I have a Groupon, and I'd hate to waste it

'cause I'm gonna put them to good use tonight

'cause I've already been killed twice

'cause it's from your phone

'cause my parents got it at a yard sale

'Cause of you, bud.

'Cause people need to know

'Cause she's a (bleep) smoke show

'Cause that's basically what I am now

'Cause us stars are just like you

'cause we're about to lose a lot of money!

'Cause what guy doesn't want to go to his office

'Sup? Slammin' pantsuit

"Angel Joey," great Joey, perfect Joey

"Brian, Meg and Chris watch TV

"Chapter one: eat my ass, pigs."

"Code" is just code

"Criminal history

"Do you want to pay me for sex?"

"Hey, Joe, it's definitely me, Peter, who sent the text."

"I am a less successful version of Tobey Maguire

"I am oily haired with dinner plate eyes

"I somehow look both deathly ill and ripped

"I was in that one movie about the weirdo

"Interior, Griffins' living room, day

"It's it's straight"?

"Like I do every night: upside down

"Looks good, babe."

"mercury, thimerosal, aluminum, formaldehyde

"Monofilament line," "slip joint pliers."

"Name

"Pete, Don't Fail Me Now

"Possible side effects:

"Shopping for groceries" is what I say instead of,

"Sitting is the biggest killer in America

"Stay away from my wife!"

"Steelers fan parking only

"Stewie enters

"Talk to Somebody's Wife in a Bikini

"The family cheers

"Uh..

"Uncle Ricky,

"Uncle Ricky, played by sitcom buzzard

"Would you want your son to be a hooker?"

"You would totally believe any story about me being a dick

("Dream Weaver" plays, sung in Japanese)

("Workin' for a Livin'" by Huey Lewis and the News playing)

(1920s era jazz playing)

(air raid siren blares)

(alarm beeps)

(alarm rings)

(all gasp)

(all groaning)

(all shouting, laughing)

(applause)

(balloon pops, "Auld Lang Syne" playing)

(balloon pops, "Auld Lang Syne" playing)

(band playing jazz version of "Family Guy" theme)

(band playing mellow jazz)

(bed continues squeaking) Mm hmm, mm hmm

(bed squeaking rhythmically) So, seen any good movies lately?

(bell buzzes)

(bellowing)

(birds chirping)

(Bluetooth rings, beeps)

(bone snapping)

(bones clattering)

(bones crunching)

(both chatter excitedly)

(both chuckling)

(box rattling)

(breathy whisper): Measles

(burps)

(buzzer rings)

(cabbies hiss)

(cackles loudly)

(car alarm wailing)

(car crashes, water splashes)

(cat screeching, hissing)

(cell phone ringing)

(cheering continues)

(choking)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) "Vi" is violation

(chuckles) A little too much so, if you ask me

(chuckles) Clever

(chuckles) Does anyone else like David "Booey"?

(chuckles) Haven't introduced myself

(chuckles) Oh, I won't.

(chuckles) Oh, okay

(chuckles) This is addictive

(chuckles) Yeah, I kind of run the group

(chuckles): Oh, man. That puppy?

(chuckles): Were you, uh..

(chuckling)

(chuckling): "Okay, I hope you don't get towed

(chuckling): Oh, this is too good

(claps) Yeah, that's enough of that.

(clears throat) N..

(clinking)

(club music plays in the background)

(complex drum solo)

(continues bellowing and whinnying)

(continues yelling)

(crash) Oh, my God!

(crickets chirping, frogs croaking)

(crickets chirping)

(crowd booing, clamoring)

(crowd booing)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd chuckling)

(crowd clamoring, sirens wailing)

(crunching)

(crying)

(crying): I'm... so... scared!

(dance band playing mellow jazz)

(dance music continues, women cheering)

(dance music continues)

(dance music playing inside)

(dance music playing inside)

(dance music playing)

(dishes shatter)

(distant whooshing) Hey, what's that sound?

(door bell jingles)

(door closes)

(door opens, closes)

(doorbell ringing rapidly)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings) Oh, that must be her!

(doorbell stops)

(dramatic music on TV)

(dramatic music plays, hissing)

(dramatic music plays)

(drumming)

(electrical buzzing)

(engine starts)

(engine starts)

(excited chatter) Oh, yeah!

(excited yell)

(fanfare plays)

(farting)

(fire crackling)

(floorboard creaks)

(footsteps departing)

(frogs croaking, crickets chirping)

(Gail sobs and sniffles)

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps)

(gasps) Oh, my God, we can go today!

(gasps) With Vanessa Williams and George Burns on the cover?

(gasps) You really are Santa!

(gentle pop music playing)

(giggles)

(girl giggling in machine)

(gong crashes, sticks crack)

(groaning and gasping)

(groaning)

(groaning)

(groans)

(groans)

(grunting, groaning)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunts)

(horn honking)

(humming)

(humming)

(imitating plane engine)

(in slow motion): Mama Tricia!

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct crowd conversations)

(indistinct whispering, Stewie sighs)

(inhales deeply, then moans)

(inhales deeply) I'm saying that

(intro to "Tom Sawyer" playing)

(jazz music playing)

(knocking at door)

(knocking)

(laughing): Whoa! Can you imagine?

(laughing): You lose chess!

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs) Oh...

(laughs): All right!

(lively jazz music playing) Yecch. The neighbors are having a party

(loud crash, plates shatter)

(loud, mumbled whisper)

(melancholy jazz music playing)

(moaning)

(moans) I'm just gonna lie here moaning,

(muffled): I'm a gas station sandwich!

(music stops)

(mutters)

(no audio)

(old fashioned horn): Ah ooga!

(over P.A.): Parents of Quahog

(panting)

(Peter moans loudly)

(phone buzzes)

(phone buzzes)

(phone buzzes)

(phone rings) Giggity

(phone vibrates)

(piano playing "Jeepers Creepers")

(pigs snorting)

(playing gentle classical music)

(playing old fashioned piano music)

(plays final note)

(plays slide note)

(power saw buzzing loudly)

(quietly): Hi. Me again

(quietly): I want you to destroy me.

(rapidly): five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven

(razor buzzing)

(rhythmic clinking)

(rhythmic ice rattling)

(rhythmic tapping)

(rock music playing)

(rock music playing)

(rooster crowing)

(screams)

(shouting gibberish)

(shouting, laughing)

(shouts)

(shouts): What's up?!

(shrieks) There's a skeleton in my bedroom

(sighing): All right, pool, do your thing

(sighing): So, uh, what's left to do?

(sighs) All right, look, I've been crashing

(sighs) Damn it.

(sighs) Fine, I'll take them

(sighs) This is a mess

(sighs) You know what, Peter?

(sighs): Ah

(siren chirps)

(siren wails, then stops)

(siren wails)

(slurring): Bye, strippers!

(slurring): How many tooths is not enough tooths?

(snoring)

(sobbing)

(sobbing)

(somber music plays)

(splash in the distance)

(sports theme plays)

(squawking)

(squeaking continuing)

(squeaking)

(squeaking)

(stilted): Hi, Huckleberry Finn!

(stilted): Hi, Tom Sawyer.

(suspenseful music sting)

(swallowing)

(symphonic music begins playing)

(tapping on window)

(theme song playing)

(thumping, crashing)

(tires screech)

(tires screeching)

(tires screeching)

(train whistle blows)

(triumphant music playing over laptop)

(triumphant music plays)

(TV news opening music plays)

(upbeat music plays)

(upbeat pop music playing)

(upbeat song begins)

(weakly): Meg, you must carry on my legacy

(whispers indistinctly)

(whistles)

(wind blowing, bells jingling)

(women cheering)

(women laughing, chattering)

(women whooping)

(yells)

(yells)

(yells)

(yells)

(yells) Damn it!

(yells) I've got to get out of this house,

♪ 'Cause I know you're ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All the things that make us ♪

♪ All the things that make us ♪

♪ All the things that make us ♪

♪ And a tiny little key ♪

♪ And I know how to use it ♪

♪ And Joe DiMaggio ♪

♪ And plant it firmly ♪

♪ And that's where the gun is. ♪

♪ And top shelf booze ♪

♪ And you've said good night moon ♪

♪ And you've said good night moon ♪

♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪

♪ At the top of the stairs ♪

♪ Blubber, blubber, oh. ♪

♪ But mostly I love that you let me eat crackers in the bed ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ But where are those good old fashioned values ♪

♪ Butt paste on my button ♪

♪ Butt paste on my button ♪

♪ Centerfield ♪

♪ Cools and quells me so. ♪

♪ Daddy goes... , Mommy goes ow ♪

♪ Daddy goes... , Mommy goes ow ♪

♪ Daddy rolls over and falls asleep ♪

♪ Daddy says come on, Mommy says whoa ♪

♪ Daddy says come on, Mommy says whoa ♪

♪ Daddy says I'm done, Mommy goes wow ♪

♪ Daddy says I'm done, Mommy goes wow ♪

♪ Damned if you do, damned if you don't ♪

♪ Do you kazoo? ♪

♪ Dog driving a car. ♪

♪ Drink enough and you won't know ♪

♪ Drinking, she did some ♪

♪ From Mommy and Daddy's room ♪

♪ From Mommy and Daddy's room ♪

♪ From the big kid in the baby swing. ♪

♪ Goes my kazoo ♪

♪ Gotta photograph, picture of...♪

♪ He licked his armpit ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

♪ Here's a toast ♪

♪ Hey how 'bout you? ♪

♪ I can be ♪

♪ I do kazoo ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I often do ♪

♪ I think I'd ♪

♪ I want a little brother ♪

♪ I will kazoo ♪

♪ I'll be working here forever, at least until I die ♪

♪ I'm supposed to get a raise next week ♪

♪ I'm takin' what they givin' ♪

♪ I've met the guy that I've been dreaming of ♪

♪ In the back of the closet ♪

♪ In the drawer with the socks ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ It seems today that all you see ♪

♪ Just blubber in a dress shirt ♪

♪ Kill him dead. ♪

♪ Kim! ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Laugh and cry ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪

♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪

♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪

♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪

♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪

♪ Me Taylor... ♪

♪ Momma liked to party when you were in her belly ♪

♪ Momma liked to party when you were in her belly ♪

♪ Mommy drinks wine in the dark. ♪

♪ Mommy drinks wine in the dark. ♪

♪ Need it on my button 'cause it ♪

♪ Oh, Daddy says please, Mommy says no ♪

♪ Oh, Daddy says please, Mommy says no ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, butt paste on my button ♪

♪ On second thought ♪

♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

♪ Our cocktail waitress has enormous cans ♪

♪ Our finest gifts we bring ♪

♪ Please put some butt paste on my button ♪

♪ Put me in, Coach ♪

♪ Smear it on my button for the fire down below ♪

♪ Some days won't end ever and some days pass on by ♪

♪ Stay away, stay away ♪

♪ That's hidden in a book ♪

♪ That's why you are dumb. ♪

♪ Then ate all my dinner and dessert ♪

♪ There's a little metal box ♪

♪ There's plenty of noise still coming ♪

♪ There's plenty of noise still coming ♪

♪ To open up the box ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ Today's Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride ♪

♪ Tootooty Too ♪

♪ Um, that was never an issue ♪

♪ Up on the housetop click, click, click ♪

♪ Watching it from the bench ♪

♪ We got big plans to please our fans ♪

♪ Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine ♪

♪ When everybody's gone to sleep ♪

♪ When everybody's gone to sleep ♪

♪ When I am blue ♪

♪ Workin' for a livin' ♪ ♪ Workin' ♪

♪ Yes, we serve **** ♪

♪ You dine like royalty ♪

♪ You know damn well I won't ♪

♪ You'll burp up sausages tonight in bed ♪

$11,000?

♪ ♪

♪ All the things that make us ♪

♪ At the same time as ♪

♪ So Say Hey Willie ♪

🎵 'Cause I'm workin' for a livin' 🎵

🎵 1 877 Kars 4 Kids 🎵

🎵 1 877 Kars 4 Kids 🎵

🎵 A "beep bop dooby dop" Italian tune 🎵

🎵 A men's room servant who will dry your hands 🎵

🎵 A modern day warrior, mean, mean stride 🎵

🎵 All the things that make us 🎵

🎵 All the things that make us 🎵

🎵 All the things that make us 🎵

🎵 And jingle bells ring..

🎵 At FarmersOnly.com

🎵 At Frank Sinatra's restaurant 🎵

🎵 At Frank Sinatra's restaurant 🎵

🎵 At Frank Sinatra's restaurant 🎵

🎵 At Frank Sinatra's restaurant 🎵

🎵 Blubber, blubber, blubber, oh 🎵

🎵 Boop, boop, boop, doo, boo..

🎵 But also because I was dating someone else 🎵

🎵 But seating's limited, so move your ass 🎵

🎵 But where are those good old fashioned values 🎵

🎵 Chris Griffin is a pig in every way 🎵

🎵 Don't say it ain't so 🎵

🎵 Donate your car today..

🎵 Frank's res... taurant

🎵 Frank's restaurant 🎵

🎵 Gorgeous views 🎵

🎵 Has such problems with us 🎵

🎵 He's down on his luck 🎵

🎵 He's... a... Fam... ily..

🎵 Here at Frank Sinatra's restaurant 🎵

🎵 I don't make my car payments on time 🎵

🎵 I don't understand why your father 🎵

🎵 I like being a girl

🎵 I'm pretty and I'm rich and I'm in love 🎵

🎵 I'm ready to play 🎵

🎵 I'm ready to play 🎵

🎵 I'm so excited, I'm so excited 🎵

🎵 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 🎵

🎵 It plays both Capitol and, yes, Reprise 🎵

🎵 It seems today that all you see 🎵

🎵 It's family dining with a mobster feel 🎵

🎵 It's tough, so tough

🎵 Jeepers creepers 🎵

🎵 Jeepers creepers 🎵

🎵 Jingle bell rock 🎵

🎵 Jingle bell swing 🎵

🎵 Jingle bell, jingle bell 🎵 (camera clicking)

🎵 K A R S Kars 4 Kids 🎵

🎵 Kim 🎵

🎵 Kim 🎵

🎵 Kim 🎵

🎵 Kim 🎵

🎵 Laugh and cry 🎵

🎵 Look at me 🎵

🎵 Lox and bagels and bagels and lox 🎵

🎵 Lucky there's a family guy 🎵

🎵 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 🎵

🎵 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 🎵

🎵 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 🎵

🎵 Me Taylor 🎵

🎵 Mostly I think it's because 🎵

🎵 On which we used to rely? 🎵

🎵 On which we used to rely? 🎵

🎵 On which we used to rely? 🎵

🎵 Our pizza pies could win a prize 🎵

🎵 Pa rum pum pum pum 🎵

🎵 Put me in, Coach 🎵

🎵 Slipped on the chimney and broke his..

🎵 So, raise your glass 🎵

🎵 Tell the Cobb 🎵

🎵 The fancy feel 🎵

🎵 The food's not great, but 🎵

🎵 The guests will swoon and Frank will croon 🎵

🎵 The jukebox catalog is double size 🎵

🎵 The showbiz stories while you eat your veal 🎵

🎵 The wine is red 🎵

🎵 To our host 🎵

🎵 Today 🎵

🎵 Tommy used to work on the docks 🎵

🎵 Union's been on strike 🎵

🎵 When the Mighty Casey struck out 🎵

🎵 Where'd you get those eyes 🎵

🎵 Where'd you get those peepers 🎵

🎵 Whoo! 🎵

🎵 With lots of bread 🎵

🎵 Workin' for a livin', livin' and a workin' 🎵

🎵 Workin' for a livin', livin' and a workin' 🎵

🎵 Workin' for a livin', workin' 🎵

🎵 You don't have to be lonely 🎵

🎵 You know I took some lumps 🎵

🎵 You know the time is now

🎵 You raise me up..

🎵 You'll have a gas 🎵

🎵 You'll love the meal 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵

🎵 🎵 (woman giggling)