A couple of Shirky Shirleys.
A horrible Bat Zilla?
Aah! One luftballon!
Ah, no big deal.
All of the food is supposed to have toothpicks with my face on top.
All right, calm down. That's it.
All right, then it's broken.
All right, there you go. Coming around.
All right.
And by ladies, I mean me.
And for O M G I didn't get an invite to your Bat Mitzvah.
And fresh butts.
And here's your headset.
And I feel like a ******* movie star, like Whoopi Goldberg.
And I'm gonna sing and dance!
And I'm not gonna pick it at my own party!
And it is me. Um, but..
And they'll look up and see us.
And they're gonna find my bones in your head.
And we're supposed to do the limbo in two minutes.
And what is that?
And you better start inviting my sister to all your dumb parties.
And your lame sister can conga her butt outta here.
Are those boogers? That's funny.
Are you having fun, honey?
Are you kidding?
At her Bat Mitzvah and everyone talked about how great that was.
Aunt Frida from Florida.
Aunt Frida! Your new hip looks hot.
B F O S. Boys From Other Schools.
Bad depth perception, sorry.
Bat Zilla.
Bat Zilla's angry, Janet.
Bat Zilla's gonna kill you in under two.
Be a man. You be a man.
Because I'm getting a gift certificate.
Because I'm getting a gift certificate.
Because of your big mouth, Tammy!
Becoming a woman. Oh
Behind the... uh, you can't see from here.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..
Bobby, I'm getting light headed, I need some air.
But can you tell me where the ladies' room is?
But I do. We do.
But I figured out the theme, which is "Tammy"!
But I guess not.
But I'll get 'em. No. No.
But it's time for me to lead the Macarena.
But Mom said she'd be right back!
But not touch. You could probably touch them.
But since she's still taking Tammy time, we found you another partner
But Tammy time isn't on the schedule.
But you got to go to Shauna's Bat Mitzvah.
But you watch your tone.
Can he do sliders?
Can't talk... there's a schedule.
Click. And, Tina,
Click. Click. Click, click.
Come on! Keep up!
Common mistake.
Cr... I'll be, I'll be right back!
Crepe, crepe, crepe, crepe,
Crepe, crepe, crepe. Go.
Crepe.
Crepe. What?! Oh, my God.
Crepe. You just did it.
Crepe. You're doing it.
Dad, I never realized how soulful your eyes are.
Dad, this is the only way I get to go to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah!
Dad, you have to!
Do you mean unisex?
Do you understand me?
Does it really mean that much to you?
Don't be ridiculous!
Don't know you, don't know you.
Don't you dare call back until it's done!
During the walk there and back, it'll be like I'm at the party.
Eh. Soft maybe.
Ever!
Everyone is having a good time without me.
Everyone is without you shrieking at them.
Excuse me, but there's no break on the schedule.
Excuse me, Tammy?
Excuse me, Tammy? I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.
Fili B FOS.
Find me another caterer or I'm gonna find another mom!
Fine.
Fine. We'll do it.
First, the schedule's on the clipboard.
For my Bat Mitzvah, I just want a gift certificate.
For the star of the evening.
From here, I can only look at the B FOS,
Gene, look at me.
Gene, you stay here. I'll go.
Gene? Yes
Gene.
Gene. I know some people.
Get all the blood to your head. Let it flow.
Get my hands off your upper butt.
Get us down!
Get us out of here!
Get! Giddyap! Ow!
Giddyap, boy! Ow!
Give it to me now, Janet.
Give me back my party, you psycho!
Give me some of that singing.
Gnocchi. Looks good.
Go! You got it!
God, it won't open!
God, Janet! What's this for?
Going back to your plan A.
Good! I don't have time to run all this food under hot water.
Got it? Check.
Got your invite, Tammy.
Gotta stay on schedule no matter what.
Grab on and let's go.
Great, now we lost Tina.
Guess what?
Hava Nagiddiyup!
Have fun explaining this to Dad!
Have you seen your mother or Louise?
He can do sliders. No, he...
He can make them as small as you want. Oh... He has a real...
He can make them so small you can't even see them. No.
He's getting napkins, whatever that is!
He's hired, he's hired.
He's the cutest guy in Hebrew school
Hello, guac.
Hello!
Hello! No!
Hello?! The toothpicks?
Help us! I'm in here!
Help!
Here are your toothpicks.
Here I go, oh! Here he goes.
Here we go. Kaboom!
Here, you're my new coordinator.
Hey, boys.
Hey, can we get those mini burgers?
Hey, everyone!
Hey, Jimmy Jr.
Hey, Tammy! Good to see you there.
Hey! This burger isn't cooked!
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Hi, Aunt Frida.
Hi, Other Janet.
Hi, Other Tammy.
Hi, Tammy.
Hi!
Hmm.
Hmm. Let me check the schedule for mouthing off to the party planner.
Hold on. Hold on, let me put down my drink.
Honey, are you okay?
How low can you go?
How will I know who's...?
Huh? How did you guys get up there?
Hurry up, T town.
I am literally going to kill someone!
I am not!
I am? Yeah.
I believe the term is badminton.
I can't give you a guarantee.
I can't hear you anymore! Janet!
I can't hear you.
I can't tell where your back ends and your butt begins.
I could get used to being Tammy.
I didn't do nothing. Just go.
I do thihink about other people.
I do, I do. What are you doing here still, Janet?
I don't know what they're for,
I don't know, Tammy, I hate her, too!
I don't know.
I fixed the headset.
I fixed the headset. What?
I got B FOS who are Filipinos.
I got Hebrew School B FOS. Mm hmm.
I got it!
I got to go swab this off.
I got to take this.
I guess it's gotta be me.
I guess we do.
I have enjoyed every minute of our time apart.
I haven't seen her in a while, and I have to say,
I I don't like catering.
I I mean, I'll be right back!
I know who my parents are, Tina.
I need fresh faces.
I need someone to fix the bulb on the Tammy head stat.
I quit! What?!
I think it's nice
I think we're going up!
I thought the tortilla chips were in here.
I told you, I'm light headed.
I want my Bat Mitzvah back!
I want my conga!
I was being...
I was dancing so hard I forgot why I went in there.
I was really looking forward to all those B FOS.
I was stuck in there with that and you did nothing!
I was supposed to lead off the limbo.
I was the one who went to limbo boot camp!
I wear it. It's bisexual.
I will not be left alone.
I wish I was more in the mix.
I'll go see if she needs backup.
I'll have my Bat Mitzvah back
I'll make it go away. You do that.
I'll take that.
I'm choosing Justin as my dance partner.
I'm eating one right now.
I'm eating this dumpling.
I'm exaggerating?
I'm filling in. Take it.
I'm gonna donate it to charity.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna grill and you're gonna plate.
I'm gonna... move to New York.
I'm having the best day of my life.
I'm hyper. Officially hyper.
I'm in here!
I'm in here!
I'm losing you guys.
I'm not a psycho.
I'm not Tammy!
I'm not wearing this.
I'm not! It was easy.
I'm okay.
I'm really busy. Tammy's supposed to lead off
I'm refreshing my e mail.
I'm sorry I just said that
I'm sorry.
I'm stuck inside Tammy's head!
I'm sure Dad will love it.
I'm waiting for an invitation to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah.
I'm waiting for the sugar to hit me!
If I pour the guacamole, it might fall on someone
If she stops, she'll die.
If you need another caterer for your Bat Mitzvah, my dad can do it.
In Bat Mitzvah planning. Mm hmm.
In the meantime, is anyone here for just a plain bun?
Into being a party planner?
It is not the same thing.
It just seems like everyone's going to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah but me.
It's a ceremony where she reads from the Torah,
It's a war zone!
It's about becoming a woman and it's a really great party.
It's been almost two hours.
It's been almost two hours.
It's da da da da da da.
It's gonna happen. It's coming!
It's just me being surprised.
It's just you and me, Tam tam.
It's like a religious experience.
It's like the end of The Shining in here.
It's like we died and went to fancy mall food court heaven.
It's me, Tammy!
It's my Bat Mitzvah.
It's not supposed to be like
It's Tammy the Bat Mitzvah girl!
It's the same thing.
It's time for the Bat Mitzvah lady and the gentleman of her choice
It's time for the conga line.
It's time for the limbo!
It's true.
It's what she would've wanted.
It's who she is.
It's working at it.
Janet had small fingers! Got to go.
Janet, are you listening to me?
Janet, don't you dare.
Janet, don't you take that ear... headset off!
Janet, we're out of ranch dressing!
Janet, what's happening?
Janet, you got to get out of here.
Janet, you got to get out of this.
Janet, you know you can do better!
Janet!
Janet!
Janet!
Janet! Janet!
Jump till this thing breaks open!
Just go.
Just have your parents call my parents.
Just like, a crazy monster?
Just the single greatest collection
Justin, it's time for your ladies choice dance with Tammy.
Justin. The ladies choice dance is at 9:30.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together
Let's do it!
Let's do what I came here to do
Let's go back to the wedding.
Let's take a little walk.
Lights a candle and becomes a woman.
Like a crepe shark.
Like, the worst person alive?
Limbo, check.
Lin, you're not light headed. You want a crepe.
Look at all this food.
Look at this!
Look I respond to nothing, Tammy!
Look out for that wall!
Looks like the limbo.
Looks like they're doing fine without you.
Looks like you got a runny nose, Tammy.
Looks like you won't be getting your party back for a while.
Louise, you're not getting a Bat Mitzvah. I know
Louise?
Louise? This line is for work only.
Lower the Tammy head!
Maybe I'll just try one.
Mazel tov to me!
Mazel tov, Tammy!
Mazel tov!
Me, it just makes sense.
Mm hmm. Crepe! Crepe!
Mm hmm. I got Camp B FOS.
Mm, me too. Yeah, a lot of B FOS.
Mm, that's 'cause I didn't invite you.
Mm. I gotta find Tammy.
Mm. You gotta try this!
Mmm. That's really good.
Mom, You got your weird perfume on me!
Mom! Shauna Glassman had five caterers
Mom's over by the Italian food station.
Mr. and Mrs
My swim aerobics instructor is bisexual.
Never mind, I I'll hold it.
Next on the schedule is the conga line.
Nice!
Nice.
No I don't, Tina.
No one can hear us over the terrible band!
No one else is allowed to leave.
No one even notices that I'm not there.
No way.
No, Gene. Tammy's *******.
No, I can't. Aw, I have
No, I'm not back, I'm the new Janet.
No, no, no, it's okay.
No, no, we can't do that.
No, you guess what.
No!
No!
No!
No! Hello!
No! I'm literally stuck inside Tammy's giant head.
No! Oh, okay.
No. Not on here.
No. Oh, boo.
No..
Not gonna wander off. Nah, good Linda
Not me! Her! Uh, uh...
Not my Bat Mitzvah. Got to run!
Not now, Tina!
Not that low.
Not two, but three Tammy tinis!
Nothing but my own desire to be a star!
Nothing. No... Burgers.
Now can I get circumcised?
Now I'm gonna die in here
Now we all have to go to that "Brat" Mitzvah.
Of communicating with the outside world.
Of food ever assembled under one roof.
Oh, good. You're back.
Oh, help!
Oh, hey, okay
Oh, how the tides have turned, Tammy!
Oh, I mean, it's just that next on the schedule is ladies choice
Oh, it's broken! No!
Oh, look at me.
Oh, my God, Tammy, that's hilarious.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my little legs!
Oh, no, he's terrible at sliders.
Oh, no. Who said that?
Oh, okay. And that's Justin.
Oh, right.
Oh, there it is. I was just too high.
Oh, Tina! Hey, hey!
Oh, voice, voice, you've taught me well.
Oh! Uh...
Oh. Oh!
Oh. That "O" doesn't stand for anything.
Okay, bye, Mom.
Okay, everybody, let's limbo!
Okay, get her up, get her up!
Okay, get her up, get her up!
Okay, I fixed it, I fixed it.
Okay, I'll do the...
Okay, I'll get the maintenance guy to...
Okay, okay, easy there, ugh.
Okay.
Okay. It's not weird.
Okeydokey, gnocchi.
Once you stop using the grill, it's fast.
Ooh, I want to sign the guest book
Oops!
Oops! Gene, easy.
Or some awkward version of it.
Other Janet's moving her mouth but all I hear is, "We wah we wah."
Out loud.
Out of my nose like boogers, weren't you?!
Over where? Where where is he?
Over, uh, there, see?
Ow! Yeah!
Ow.
Plan B.
Please help, please help!
Please, Dad?
Plus, rumor has it this one's gonna be packed with B FOS.
Remember that punim, okay?
See all those people?
See, this is what happens when we cater
Shauna had a Bat Mitzvah?
She had hip replacement surgery last year.
She's all over the road!
She's doing my dance!
She's having B FOS from all around the world!
She's never gonna stop.
She's not gonna stop, Gene.
She's on the Mexican food, Chinese food border.
So it's your job to tell me who's who.
So Janet can stay in contact with all the caterers. Duh.
So sweet. They even have a DJ in the bathroom.
So zip your lips and shake your hips.
So, hey, Macarena or hey, you're fired.
So, we need six caterers.
Somebody's gotta kick this thing off.
Someone's gotta notice I'm missing.
Sometimes I get my fingers caught in the clip thing.
Sometimes when Tammy gets like this
Sorry we left you, Gene.
Sounds like my spa night. Except I read
Spots are for underwear, Tina.
Stay right here.
Still too low.
Stop it!
Tammy, I'm so proud of you on your big day.
Tammy, they don't get it.
Tammy!
Tammy! What?
Tammy's taking Tammy time.
Thank you, Frida.
Thank you.
Thank you. Can you just get us down?
Thanks for coming to my Bat Mitzvah.
That anyone has ever said in the history of mankind.
That is literally the stupidest thing
That is the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
That makes sense. And that'll lead right into the hora,
That means "face" in old ******* language.
That was almost a major disaster
That's my song!
That's the fifth burger you've dropped on the floor.
That's us.
The ball is over, Fake erella.
The crepes smell good.
The crepes smell real good!
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
The hand wants what the hand wants.
The headset's a coming off of the ears!
The headset's clogged.
The hora!
The Klezbians are not a terrible band!
The limbo soon and I can't find her anywhere.
The power of the Bat Mitzvah is intoxicating.
The star of the Bat Mitzvah!
The theme is me.
There's a Tammy's family cheat sheet on the clipboard.
There's crepes here?
They hired great caterers for this, right?
They're taking a long time.
This is like a reverse It's a Wonderful Life.
This is my party.
This isn't over, Tina!
This might not be the best time
This time, Bobby. Right, guys?
This wasn't the head I wanted them to find my bones in!
Those are my relatives.
Those are your parents.
Time for the hora, everyone! The hora!
Tina hijacked my conga line!
Tina, did you just get bat bullied
Tina, don't do th...
Tina, I am up to my pits
Tina, I've got a wedgie
Tina, is this Tammy tastrophe everything you dreamed it would be?
Tina, make sure we stay on schedule.
Tina, that's the third time you sighed on my sandwich.
Tina, this isn't going to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah.
Tina, what the hell?
Tina, you're kind of getting an attitude.
Tina! Get us out of here right now!
Tina! Tina, can you hear me?
Tina. Let go of Tammy.
To myself.
To take the dance floor.
Touches my lips without ranch dressing
Two mini burgers, please.
Ugh. Fine.
Ugh. We're out of napkins. I'll go.
Uh oh, you guys are starting to break up.
Uh oh.
Uh, Gene is running the ship over there, so we're fine.
Uh, I gotta call my dog sitter.
Uh, I've got two and half me hours?
Uh, please, if this could just,
Uh, that one's a little bigger than that one.
Uh, where's Louise? Did we lose her, too?
Uh, you're kind of exaggerating, Tammy.
Uh... my dad said he'd be right back.
Um, hello?
Um, I guess I got a little swept up in my role.
Um, who cares about that right now?
Um, yeah, I like it.
Um...
Um...
Um... I I... If a chicken tender
Wait a minute, this is a wedding!
Wait for me, Mom!
Wait, how good are you with a clipboard?
Wait, really?
Wake up, Janet! Wake up.
Was Han Solo and Chewbacca's baby.
We are not in the same hall as we were a minute ago.
We better get out of here before we get chased out.
We call it Tammy time.
We could get lost. Where did everybody go?
We don't need them!
We got a clinger!
We gotta stay on schedule no matter what.
We have to stick to it no matter what.
We help him with catering jobs all the time.
We just let her take some time by herself.
We need to stick together.
We won't leave you alone
We'll be right back
We'll be there!
We'll be there. Bat Mitzvah, baby!
We're going to take a quick break.
We're not close and they all have old person face.
We've been looking for you!
Well, at least I'm not stuck behind the burger station.
Well, if a spot opens up, keep me in mind.
Well, what are you waiting for? Get us out of here!
Well, you'll walk right under it now!
What a 'tude.
What are B FOS?
What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
What are you doing in my head?
What are you gonna do?
What are you planning to do with this stupid head after today anyway?
What are your dreams? I know you've got dreams.
What do we do?
What does he do again?
What is it now, Rabbi Rosenberg?
What is it now?
What part of the chicken dance don't you understand?
What the hell is your sister doing?
What?
What? This shouldn't be open!
What?!
What's going on here?
What's going on?
What's Tina doing out there?
What's wrong with Tammy's eye?
What's wrong with the boys from your school?
When we get out of here, Tina is so fired.
Where are the Tammy toothpicks? Tammy what?
Where are we? Yeah.
Where are you?
Which is like, so creative.
Which is when I get lifted into a chair
Who are you? The voice in your head, Janet.
Who's next?
Whoops.
Whoops. Bob!
Why aren't I moving?
Why didn't you rescue us?
Why do you want to be the new Janet?
Why isn't it falling?
Why would we need to stay in contact?
Why wouldn't I research that?
Will you stop typing like that?
With Tammy!
Won't it be awkward for you with all your friends there as guests?
Would it be okay if I went to the bathroom really fast?
Wow, sounds grea...
Wow.
Wow.
Wow. I've had not one,
Yay! All right!
Yeah, a little higher
Yeah, but just in case, a little higher.
Yeah, except for us... sneaking off like
Yeah, I think so. A little bit.
Yeah, the food here is really good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you think?!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. This whole thing is just too much Tammy.
Yes, they are! How dare you!
Yes! Great!
You and I both know your mom's not coming back after just one crepe.
You are not pouring guacamole out of my nose.
You didn't give them a headset either?
You don't understand! This is my way in!
You get an "O" for original.
You get toee how much better off
You go put it in a sink and run it under hot water.
You guys always wander off and leave me with all the work.
You know a lot about Bat Mitzvahs for someone who thought Chanukah
You know what, I can't fix this thing.
You like it, right?
You make it seem so difficult.
You owe me one, Tina.
You should go there, Janet.
You should, Tammy, because the headset was our only way
You think so? Yeah.
You wake up, Tammy.
You want this food cooked,
You wanted to be at the party... now you're running the party.
You were going to pour guacamole
You! Justin, what are you doing?
You'll take the butts you're given and you'll like it!
You're a genius! I know.
You're a wonderful little girl.
You're absolutely right.
You're absolutely right.
You're better than this!
You're having a hard day, I think.
You're heating up the bread.
You're terrible at making static sounds, Tina.
You're welcome, Janet.
You've been saying crepe under your breath for ten minutes.
Your single white female sister is out of control!
Zeke. What's it like out there?
And if we want to stay on schedule... No, no, no, no.
dancing with Justin. So?
Louise, stop saying click. Click.
That you know of... Have you guys seen Tammy?
Yes! Look at my face! Oh, my God.
...I probably should keep filling in for Tammy.
'Cause guess what?
'Cause I want slider burgers.
"Ladies choice dance with Justin." What?
♪ Amen. ♪
♪ Be lev sameakh ♪
♪ Hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz. ♪
♪ Hava nagila ve nismekha ♪
♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪
♪ Hava nagila, hava nagila ♪
♪ Hava neranenah ve nismekha... ♪
♪ Hava neranenah, hava neranenah ♪
♪ If she sang a song right now ♪
♪ She'd probably win a Grammy ♪
♪ She's just a little hammy ♪
♪ She's Tammy, she's glammy ♪
♪ So why don't you all say mazel tov ♪
♪ Start sp... ♪
♪ Tammy, yeah. ♪
♪ Uru akhim be lev sameakh ♪
♪ Uru akhim be lev sameakh ♪
♪ Uru akhim be lev sameakh ♪
♪ Uru akhim be lev sameakh ♪
♪ You know who I'm talking of ♪
⪠Hava nagila ve nismekha âª
⪠Uru akhim âª
